A True Texan
As a true Texan I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned
in my years of living in this Heaven on Earth located south of the Red River
and north of the Rio Grande.
I can personally attest to the following points as being true:
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
These cute little rascals also love to dig holes under all bedding plants.
Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep."
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas and probably a half
dozen species or more in your own backyard.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. 10,001 live in Texas.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it'll stick you.
If it crawls, it'll bite you.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
You cannot find a country road without a curve.
Pecan is pronounced "puhcon." (I hate it when I hear "pee can"! You know
what that is?)
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
Texas has 6 seasons:
Spring - Feb 16 to April 15
Summer - April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
Super Summer - July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
Summer - Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
Fall - Oct 2 to Dec. 1
Winter - Dec 2 to Feb 15
The wind blows at 90 MPH (THIS IS EXCESSIVE) from Oct. 2 until July 15, then
it stops totally. (This does not apply to West Texas.)
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic and they multiply even faster than
Coldbeer is one word. People actually grow and eat Okra - and they like it.
Texans really don't have an accent - it's the rest of the world that talks
Green grass DOES burn, as does your skin if you don't run fast enough to the
next shade tree.
When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop
them off at your gate in the middle of the night. Cats come and go as they
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple
of weeks. After that, you don't even notice them anymore.
When a buzzard sits on your fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the
A tank is a big hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation and
drinkable to most of the livestock. And the Fish and Game Dept. will help
you stock them and then they make good fishin' and swimmin' holes, too.
"Bakards and forards" means I know everything about a subject, or the way to
go if you're giving directions.
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. Then you get up the next
morning before it's light enough to see, and start again.
Opossum is pronounced "possum" and resembles a big hairless rat.
"Fixnto" is one word - and probably one of the most used words in the true
"Pertnear" means you are almost done readin' this cute note.
Don't you mean "far ants"? At least that's the acceptable local
Don't work yourself too hard.
Peace be with ya, candy,