Re: what pill can i take to ctb that i can by in any phamacy without MD prescripsion ?
inv...@invalid.invalid
"Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Did you feel better after you posted these words on ASH?
Unlike the smear you created about me below, I don't have to make shit up
about you. Do you want to read some more about yourself and your adultery?
> Patrick said:
>
> "I had a long talk with Bonnie last night and I just have to come clean
> about some things while I'm still drunk enough to get it out. I've been a
> pig to people in here. I just need to be true to myself and admit to all
> of
> you that I really have been fantasizing about dumpster diving for men.
> The
> freedom of being able to finally let that out feels so good. As a matter
> of
> fact, I'm going to finally indulge my fantasy tonight. I can't wait."
>
No, Patrick did not write that. Grace has now resorted to creating fiction
to get even with her Usenet adversaries. Pathetic. But here is what Grace
wrote in real life:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:55 am Post subject: I was born the day you
kissed me
Ever pick a song apart and relate every word of it back to your life?
This is just a story I need to write.
There is someone that I don't talk about a lot. I've mentioned her
cryptically in my blogs, but very few people in my real life know that she
ever existed, let alone what she meant to me.
"I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived, oh how I lived
While you loved me."
Her name was Becky, *my* Becky. Beck was a few years older than me when we
met. I was 14, almost 15, and had just pretty much left home. At the time, I
was still wondering around from friend's house to house, the streets, where
ever I could find a place to stop for a few minutes, high *all* the time, on
the edge of a breakdown. Then, I met her. She was the wife of my brother's
best friend.
I don't think she was 20 yet, maybe close. She had a kid already that was a
little under two or so.
Beck saved my life. She took me in off the streets. She took me under her
wing and what a wing! She taught me a whole lot of things that I shouldn't
have learned at that age, but I'm so glad that she did. Beck was the bravest
person that I've ever known. I remember one particular incident when we went
panther hunting in the woods of Louisiana with a 30 aught 6, both of us
drunk. Stupid, but that was the way it was. We laughed non-stop, talked
non-stop, and she was incredible.
Halloween night, 1986, they had a bonfire/party at their house. Becky and I
had been drinking most of the day, smoking pot, all the rest of it. Somehow,
and I don't remember what the pretext was, we ended up in the bedroom. She
kissed me (I was born the day you kissed me) and everything changed. I'd
been with a lot of men before, from either force or because I wanted
something from them, but this was real, completely real. I was completely in
love.
I took my first intentional overdose about six hours later. I don't know
why. I was overwhelmed, confused. Maybe it was the puritanical upbringing
talking to me. Maybe I just didn't know how to process it all. I had my
first complete psychotic breakdown that night too. Before morning, I was
sitting in a psych ward where I stayed for six weeks.
When I got out, my parents had moved away and I was alone in the city. A
woman I knew was moving out of her house in the country and needed someone
to house sit for her and to finish packing the place up. So, that's where I
went. By then, I had figured the whole thing out and realized that Becks was
the world to me at the time.
We spent countless days/nights in that place. Imagine a 16 yr old living out
in the country, all alone, lots and lots of drugs, and Becky. She'd sneak
away from her husband and we would spend hours and hours together, in the
hammock, watching TV/movies, drinking/drugging, laying out under the stars,
talking, laughing, making love. Becks was the first one and the only one.
She was the one that showed me there was more to life than just constant
pain. She was the one that taught me there really was such a thing as love.
One night, she came to me crying. Her husband had confronted her. He felt as
though she was cheating on him (which I guess was right) and he told her she
had to make a choice. It was either him and her son or it was me. She was
standing in front of me sobbing. Fucking destroyed me. I didn't have
anything to offer her except love. So, I told her to go home to him. I
looked her in the eye and told her that I didn't love her and that it was
just a stupid fling. I told her that the whole thing was starting to gross
me out anyway. She left and went home to him (And I died inside the night
you left me). I've never forgiven myself for those last words to her. I just
knew that she was hurting and I couldn't give her anything. The only thing I
could do was send her back to him.
I seen her a few times here and there after that, never alone. A few months
later, I moved away and never talked to her again.
I got a phone call on October 9, 2002, telling me that Becky was dead. She
had shot herself. The woman that I had loved and held in my arms had taken
the gun that I used to shoot with her and sat on the bed where I had made
love to her and fatally shot herself.
I've been with a considerable amount of people since 1986. I live what is
termed an "alternative" lifestyle. I've been with both men and women. I've
been with both at once. I've had my one night stands and I've had the longer
term stuff. But for all the involvements I've had, I've never found another
Becky. I've never found that place again where she took me (But I lived, oh
how I lived While you loved me). I don't think it exists anymore.
Sometimes, she is very much on my mind, like lately, and sometimes I don't
think of her for weeks/months at a time.
But the cards are all going on the table now and this was a story that
needed to be said.
_________________
"And I wanted to believe
You would win
The war in your head
That I did not understand"
Johnette Napolitano - Suicide Note
http://www.blueoctoberfan.com/openBook/viewtopic.php?p=883414&highlight=#883414
%
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
that was my post when i was frogging him
inv...@invalid.invalid
Requiscant In Pace
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
>
> "Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> Did you feel better after you posted these words on ASH?
>
>
> Unlike the smear you created about me below, I don't have to make shit up
> about you. Do you want to read some more about yourself and your adultery?
You claim to not have to, yet, you do. Go figure.
>> Patrick said:
>>
>> "I had a long talk with Bonnie last night and I just have to come clean
>> about some things while I'm still drunk enough to get it out. I've been
>> a
>> pig to people in here. I just need to be true to myself and admit to all
>> of
>> you that I really have been fantasizing about dumpster diving for men.
>> The
>> freedom of being able to finally let that out feels so good. As a matter
>> of
>> fact, I'm going to finally indulge my fantasy tonight. I can't wait."
>>
>
> No, Patrick did not write that. Grace has now resorted to creating fiction
> to get even with her Usenet adversaries. Pathetic. But here is what Grace
> wrote in real life:
Patrick said:
"I had a long talk with Bonnie last night and I just have to come clean
about some things while I'm still drunk enough to get it out. I've been a
pig to people in here. I just need to be true to myself and admit to all of
you that I really have been fantasizing about dumpster diving for men. The
freedom of being able to finally let that out feels so good. As a matter of
fact, I'm going to finally indulge my fantasy tonight. I can't wait."
But didn't you feel free after you posted that?
After all, your best friend knew you well.
Patrick (The Kersley Curse),
You didn't take long to make me your enemy when I pointed out the
obvious. I am sorry that the dialogue betwixt people cannot always be
postivie, especially when you say something the other doesn't want to
hear. You can be happy if you accept yourself. Sneaking around,
dangling suicidal girls at the length of your arm and then later
abusing them is only a symptom of the overall problem.
You can be free if you decide to get honest with yourself. You are
43. It is time to come on out of the closet and your Dad is no longer
living to judge you. Lurking around the docks, Vancouver gay bars and
parks for anonymous sex with men will not bring you the peace you
seek.
You can love and be loved if you drop the pretense and just be
yourself. If your co-workers and friends disregard you, then they
never were really concerned with you at all. You will make other
friends if you stop hating yourself for something you cannot change.
You are gay and it is time you came to accept it and go from there.
You will never know peace until you do.
I am still around for you 'as a friend' but I will not allow you to
use
me the way you have used and abused Grace (R.I.P.) and other girls to
try to keep your fragile ego intact. I know you probably feel like I
have betrayed you but I have to point out that you have betrayed
yourself far longer. The abuse you suffered at age seven was terrible
abuse but the so-called abuse when you was seventeen was not abuse, it
was your true self trying to come to the surface. Express yourself;
don't repress yourself.
Your friend,
Bonnie
--
"If I could stand in an open airplane doorway two-and-a-half miles above the
ground and will myself to step into empty space, then I could do anything."
inv...@invalid.invalid
"Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
I never posted that. And i have never done anything like that in my life.
Posting from your loveshack site:
---------------------------------------------------
Confused and don't know what to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's the story....sorry it's so long.
My ex and I were married for 14 years before divorcing due to growing apart,
lack of consideration for each other, yadda yadda yadda.....Our divorce was
final for two years this past January. We have three children, ages 4, 6,
and 15.
During that two years, he dated and had several relationships, including
practically moving in with one woman. I really didn't even have any
relationships with anyone because I wasn't over him yet and just couldn't
bring myself to do it.
Emotionally, I went through a very difficult two years. The kids lived with
him for a year of that time because I was a wreck.
I finally managed to pull myself together and in the spring of this year, I
bought my own home and was doing rather well emotionally and physically. The
kids came back to live with me and everyone was happy.
He was not paying me child support at that time because I didn't pay him
child support while the kids lived with him. However, there *is* a court
order for him to pay $100/week. I finally had to ask him to resume paying
that and he basically threw a fit. While I can understand his feelings
(after all, I wasn't paying him when they were with him), I can see two
different sides to this. When the kids were with him, he lived with his
mother, paid very little for their care, paid no rent and contributed very
little to household expenses, had a live-in sitter, rarely bought them
clothing and such (I still did so), and had much less expenses related to
their care than I have when they are with me. I don't have the option of
moving in with my parents again. I insisted that he would have to resume
paying me and informed him that I would be seeing an attorney to take care
of that if he refused.
He came to me a couple of days later and presented me with the offer to move
in and resume our former relationship. We had been intimate many times
during the period that we were split up and to be honest, I still love him
very much. Foolishly, I let him move in almost immediately, even though
everyone was warning me not to do it. Even though he had hurt me many times
while we were split up, I still loved him.
*deep breath*
Now, on to today....For a little while he was different, very different than
when we were married. But, things started to go back to the way they were
before. He's helping me very little around the house, etc. One of the major
problems between us then was that he would spend almost every second that I
was at work online in chat rooms and private chats. He would spend a lot of
time on online dating services and looking at webcams and porn. He had many
online *friends*, mostly women. I spent two years begging him not to do this
anymore, before we finally divorced. He always said that I was just being
silly and overreacting.
I found proof a couple of days ago that he's been doing this again. You can
imagine how I feel. I told him that he has to be out of my house by the
weekend and that I would not even spend one day on this topic anymore, let
alone another two years of my life. He swore that he wouldn't do again and
has begged me to give him another chance. My dilemma is that I really don't
believe him. I don't trust him anymore. I would be checking up on him all
the time and I don't like being made to feel like I have to be that kind of
person.
But....I do still love him very much. I don't really want him to leave
again. I don't want my kids to go through all that again. I don't want to
have to *get over him* again. I know that I can't live like this though.
Any thoughts??
My brain is telling me to make him leave and then if he really has decided
to change, then let him prove it. My heart, of course, is screaming
something entirely different. I just don't see how you can claim to love
someone so much and want to be with them, but at the same time, be checking
out all these other women online. Is it really as harmless as he's making it
out to be? For me, what it comes down to is that he knew my feelings on it,
he knew how much harm it did to our marriage, and I don't understand why he
would go right back to it again.
Confusion...majorly...
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=311406#post311406
And of course:
Requiscant In Pace says: "I've been a really good liar though."
Requiscant In Pace also says:
"Here comes the big surprises (no comments from anyone out there, you
know who you are). I can be manipulative as hell when the occasion
calls for it and I can do it without you even knowing its happening to
you. It's a learned thing. I can shut the door behind you and wipe
you completely from my mind if I choose. There's a line and once it's
crossed, I don't come back. I can be cold, I can be beautifully
cruel, and I've shamelessly enjoyed doing it sometimes. I've never
played on a physical level, my expertise (for lack of a better word)
is on the psychological/intellectual battlefield and I do it well..."
inv...@invalid.invalid
"Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
>
>
> <inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
> news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
>>
>> "Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Did you feel better after you posted these words on ASH?
>>
>>
>> Unlike the smear you created about me below, I don't have to make shit up
>> about you. Do you want to read some more about yourself and your
>> adultery?
>
> You claim to not have to, yet, you do. Go figure.
>
Do you deny this post?
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: "Requiscant In Pace" <requiscantinp...@gmail.com>
Date: 29 Nov 2006 20:33:25 -0800
Local: Wed, Nov 29 2006 9:33 pm
Subject: More...
November 3, 2006 1033pm
I don't really have anything specific to write about tonight. Same old
shit going on, just a different day. I had a doctor's appointment
yesterday. I showed up sober for the most part, just as I told him I
would. Very early that morning, I had a couple of xanies and a couple
lines of lors, but by the time I made it to my appointment, I had slept
most of it off.
I went in there with the intention of making it my last appointment
with him and actually only went because he had asked me to come back
one more time sober before I quit coming completely.
He thinks that the reason I was so fucked up when I went in to see him
Tuesday is because he was gone for a week and missed our session last
week. He thinks I was mad at him for being away and by getting high
before coming in, I was striking back at him in some way. I don't
know. Maybe he's right or maybe I just really felt rejected by him at
a previous session and thought that if I pissed him off by coming in
high, then he would finish rejecting me completely. Then, I could give
him up with no problems because it would be him walking away from me
and not the other way around, even though in reality, I guess it really
would be me leaving him.
I can't seem to give him up yet, even though a huge part of me wants to
do just that. I just know that he is my last little bit of hope, but I
am so tired of putting my faith into worthless hope that just turns to
shit in the end. If/when he gives up on me, then he will be just like
everyone else that I've managed to push away. He's only human and I
certainly know how to push all the buttons once I find them.
I asked *** exactly what happened Tuesday night because I don't
remember most of it. He said that I passed out in *****'s bed while
hanging out with her that night after we got home. I remember taking
three xanies before we left to go trick or treating, but he said I was
acting okay then. While at Karen's house, ***** and I went into the
bathroom and did some huge lines of combined stuff, even though I told
him that I didn't. He drove us home because he said I was already
starting to act a bit out of it by the time we left there. After
putting the kids in bed, I went over to her house. She said we did a
couple of lines right away and then twenty minutes later, I did a
couple more. A couple of lines for us is usually three 1mg xanies and
a lortab. A few minutes after that, I apparently took a couple more
pills by mouth. So, I can count thirteen xanax's that I took that day,
plus probably about four Lortab's for sure. I'm reasonably certain
there was more because I usually lose track after several and end up
taking much more. She woke me up and walked me home that night.
Apparently, I wasn't walking too well and pretty much fell into the
house. She told **** that I tripped over something on the floor, but
he said he knew better because of the way I was acting. He told me
that he almost called my doctor that night because I was completely
incoherent and he didn't know what all I had taken and ***** couldn't
tell him. *****was there and seen the whole thing. I couldn't even
face him the next day. He went to ***** and asked him what I was on
that night. She told him that she didn't know.
I told Greg that I couldn't promise to not use anymore, but that I
wouldn't come to see him while fucked up anymore. He said that was
fair enough for now.
Apparently, the only way to get this shit out of me is by talking about
it, but damn that's hard. It's been buried for so long and I've fed it
for so long that now it's hard to open up and let it out.
This rage will be the end of me. That's the one thing that I don't
think I will ever be able to release. It scares me. I'm afraid that
if I give in to it, all remaining sanity will disappear and I will
never recover from it.
I'm not too sure how much sanity is really left to be honest. Doesn't
feel like much.
%
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f4407$1...@news.x-privat.org...
Slunky must've left and now you're the new flavour of the hour
%
i know but at least i came clean
Requiscant In Pace
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f4407$1...@news.x-privat.org...
>
LMAO...*owned*.
And I can make you sit here all night long if I choose.
Requiscant In Pace
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f4585$1...@news.x-privat.org...
>
> "Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
>>
>>
>> <inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
>> news:4a8f...@news.x-privat.org...
>>>
>>> "Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Did you feel better after you posted these words on ASH?
>>>
>>>
>>> Unlike the smear you created about me below, I don't have to make shit
>>> up
>>> about you. Do you want to read some more about yourself and your
>>> adultery?
>>
>> You claim to not have to, yet, you do. Go figure.
>>
>
> Do you deny this post?
Did you feel better after you made this post?
Patrick said:
"I had a long talk with Bonnie last night and I just have to come clean
about some things while I'm still drunk enough to get it out. I've been a
pig to people in here. I just need to be true to myself and admit to all of
you that I really have been fantasizing about dumpster diving for men. The
freedom of being able to finally let that out feels so good. As a matter of
fact, I'm going to finally indulge my fantasy tonight. I can't wait."
Think your best friend felt better after making this post?
%
if you don't you lied
>
inv...@invalid.invalid
> news:4a8f4407$1...@news.x-privat.org...
>>
>
>
> LMAO...*owned*.
>
http://tinyurl.com/grace-owned
inv...@invalid.invalid
It appears that way. After I leave, she will be after your ass again. She
one of those chick from the bar, you know.
inv...@invalid.invalid
slunky
> Slunky must've left and now you're the new flavour of the hour
I'm still here. I'm just cooking and unpacking and trying to get a
bluetooth pan setup without having a monitor on the access point.
--
-slunky
%
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f4870$1...@news.x-privat.org...
she won't bother me she knows i'm better at it
%
<inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote in message
news:4a8f48a0$1...@news.x-privat.org...
yay , i guess i might as well spill it all ,
i have said everything you said since the day you came here
inv...@invalid.invalid
Requiscant In Pace also says:
"Here comes the big surprises (no comments from anyone out there, you
know who you are). I can be manipulative as hell when the occasion
calls for it and I can do it without you even knowing its happening to
you. It's a learned thing. I can shut the door behind you and wipe
you completely from my mind if I choose. There's a line and once it's
crossed, I don't come back. I can be cold, I can be beautifully
cruel, and I've shamelessly enjoyed doing it sometimes. I've never
played on a physical level, my expertise (for lack of a better word)
is on the psychological/intellectual battlefield and I do it well..."
,,,,,,
Requiscant In Pace
"slunky" <slu...@cryptobug.com> wrote in message
news:slrnh8ui78....@asus.zero...
And continuing to crosspost into other groups and ruin my support group?
I'll start trimming my groups when you start trimming yours.
inv...@invalid.invalid
"Requiscant In Pace" <requisca...@gmail.com> wrote:
> And continuing to crosspost into other groups and ruin my support group?
>
ASH is not a support group, you trailer park hick and moron.