Legalist-Empathist Mating (Myers-Briggs NF-SJ)
Steven Reiser
The (SJ)Legalist and the (NF)Empathist
Even if this pair shares its introversion or extraversion, and even if both
are judging and feeling, the personality differences between the EMPATHIST
and LEGALIST temperaments are worth examining.
The sensing-judging partner sees life as a series of duties, commitments,
responsibilities, obligations, habits, ``shoulds'' and ``shouldn'ts'',
rules, procedures, schedules, facts and figures, hierarchies, rituals, and
authority structures.
The intuitive-feeling mate bridles at authority, and even the implication
of structure in a relationship is a bit unnerving to the autonomy-loving
EMPATHIST. Relationships, feelings, ideas, causes, freedom, sentiments,
passion, love: that's what EMPATHISTs are made of!
The EMPATHIST is creative and spontaneous.
The LEGALIST is traditional and organized. The EMPATHIST is spiritual and
mystical.
The LEGALIST is practical and sensible. The EMPATHIST isn't, period.
The EMPATHIST thinks in terms of tomorrow and forever. The LEGALIST thinks
in terms of history and today.
This is a combination which offers challenges for both parties, but these
two may form a powerful team if they learn to work together and if they
ever come to understand that they will never see the world through each
other's eyes, and they aren't likely ever to remake each other into a
carbon copy of the self!
The relative importance of WORK AND RELATIONSHIPS demands examination if
the LEGALIST/EMPATHIST relationship is to be understood.
To the sensing-judging type, life and duty are synonymous. Work plays an
important part in the picture.
To the intuitive-feeling type, life and relationships are synonymous. Work
is certainly important, but the EMPATHIST conceives of work differently: as
a gift to humanity, service, communication, art, inspiration: an act of
creation to bear witness to the fact that the EMPATHIST once lived.
To the LEGALIST, work is work. You do it right and on time and you get paid
for your contribution, and the well-oiled machine of society cranks on.
To the EMPATHIST, work must be meaningful: both personally fulfilling and
impactful on others. Punctuality, reliability and steadiness are not basic
parts of the EMPATHIST personality, although they do figure more strongly
in the habits of the folks who prefer judging.
The LEGALIST sees life as a traditional script of well-defined characters.
The LEGALIST believes, earnestly, that people have roles to play in life,
and that each must take a part and play the role predictably, dutifully and
conscientiously or the play will bomb and society won't function.
To an EMPATHIST, that view is mechanistic and deadly boring.
The EMPATHIST believes that caring and acceptance and flexibility are
what's required to make the world run smoothly. EMPATHISTs don't see world
crises as anything other than the multiplication of individual relationship
problems. EMPATHISTs believe that love and acceptance of others can move
mountains.
To a LEGALIST, that view is unsupported fiction, a nice fairy tale, but
totally unrealistic. And, the LEGALIST hastens to point out, fairy tales
don't make the mortgage payment!
The LEGALIST is an honest, responsible mate, who relates to the partner
cooperative. FAIRNESS is an important concept to the LEGALIST mate.
If the LEGALIST is a thinker, logic is paramount in determining what is
fair. If the LEGALIST is a feeler, emotions and values figure strongly in
that determination. Needless to say, the EMPATHIST and the feeling LEGALIST
have an easier time in a partnership than the combination when the LEGALIST
is a thinker.
Commitments and obligations are taken seriously by the LEGALIST. Promises
are not broken casually or capriciously. The LEGALIST is trustworthy and
takes pride in that characteristic. The LEGALIST has a long memory for
others' irresponsibility.
The EMPATHIST sees commitment at a more spiritual level. If the EMPATHIST
is always twenty minutes late picking up the LEGALIST mate, the EMPATHIST
has a hard time understanding the LEGALIST's anger and resentment.
The EMPATHIST sees the LEGALIST as hopelessly stuck in the here-and-now,
unwilling to look beyond today's ``Do It'' list (with its little neat boxes
for checking off the day's tasks) to the real meaning of life and love.
LEGALISTs tend to parent their EMPATHIST mates, particularly when the
LEGALIST is a thinker and the EMPATHIST is a perceptive type. To listen to
a conversation, you might think that nursery school is in session. The
LEGALIST checks up on every ``assignment'' of the EMPATHIST's day,
particularly in the financial and bill-paying realm.
For the LEGALIST, this seems necessary, because the EMPATHIST shows, again
and again, that inattention to detail is a basic feature of the EMPATHIST
personality, and that thinking is not a comfortable mode of functioning for
this mate.
The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't think that punctuality is
terribly critical, in general, and the LEGALIST knows that something as
boring and impersonal as bill-paying may just slip the EMPATHIST's
attention until a payment is long overdue.
The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't like to balance the
checkbook, even though judging EMPATHISTs are more likely to force
themselves to attend to such matters. The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST
might overdraw the account not by self-indulgence but by picking up an
expensive present for the (frustrated and sometimes inappreciative)
LEGALIST mate!
The thinking LEGALIST, particularly, can parent the EMPATHIST into becoming
even more irresponsible, even less conscientious, since the LEGALIST isn't
usually good at doling out praise and appreciation when the EMPATHIST is
dutiful. (``Reward people for just doing what's sensible and right?'' hoots
the LEGALIST, incredulously.)
That brings up another serious issue for the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST
combination: APPRECIATION.
EMPATHISTs give it lavishly. EMPATHISTs need it desperately. And LEGALISTs
just don't congratulate, appreciate, thank or otherwise acknowledge
anything other than herculean accomplishment. In the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST
relationship, the EMPATHIST is likely to remain needy, hungering for
approval and gratitude.
When it comes to spending MONEY, LEGALISTs and EMPATHISTs have both
similarities and differences.
LEGALISTs may agree with EMPATHISTs that expenditures for the home are
important, and that durable, good-quality pieces should be selected, to be
carefully maintained for as long as possible.
But, in general, LEGALISTs favor saving money over spending it, and there
are times when the EMPATHIST will regard the LEGALIST as stingy, too
conservative, and not at all giving and generous.
The LEGALIST hates to borrow, charge, or rent. The LEGALIST would rather do
without. For all their idealism and periodic shunning of material needs,
EMPATHISTs do tend to use money (real and potential) impulsively, buying as
emotion moves them.
The LEGALIST is a bit of a pessimist, always looking for the worst to
happen and conscientiously planning against that dark day. EMPATHISTs are
not security-minded, as a rule, and they tend to save little as a nest egg
or a rainy-day fund.
Attitudes about EDUCATION may come into conflict between the EMPATHIST and
the LEGALIST.
The LEGALIST is quite practical when it comes to learning and training. The
LEGALIST seeks an education in order to work, to learn a skill, to master a
field of knowledge so it may be applied.
The LEGALIST studies mostly by memorization of facts, and this type is most
comfortable in fields which minimize theory, extensive reading, and all but
the most straight-forward kind of writing.
LEGALISTs work hard at school, finish, and apply what they've learned to
earn a living.
The EMPATHIST, of course, is just the opposite. The EMPATHIST learns to
learn, without much attention to whether the learning may ever be applied,
whether it may ever earn an income. The EMPATHIST does not enjoy learning
by memorization, but excels at theorizing, reading and writing and the more
creative the topic the better.
The EMPATHIST sees life as a continuing learning and growth experience, a
laboratory in which learning about humanity and learning to exercise
interpersonal skills is the name of the game.
A classic interchange between an LEGALIST and an EMPATHIST mate is this:
LEGALIST: You've been in college for six years now.
EMPATHIST: Yes, and I've just found this wonderful sociology professor.
LEGALIST: I thought you were majoring in anthropology.
EMPATHIST: I am. And psychology.
LEGALIST: And now sociology.
EMPATHIST: It's just a class.
LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree?
EMPATHIST: I still have three freshman courses I haven't finished
yet. I just hate required courses. One
of them is math. I hate math.
LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree?
EMPATHIST: I'm thinking of changing my major.
LEGALIST: Hopefully to something that will train you to do something.
EMPATHIST: Social ecology. It's a little of this and a little of that.
LEGALIST: What does a social ecologist do? Where do they work? How
much do they make?
EMPATHIST: You're a stick in the mud. I'm going to my encounter group!
Predictable Crises For This Combination:
1.The LEGALIST may conclude that the EMPATHIST has no sense and the
EMPATHIST may conclude
that the LEGALIST has no imagination.
2.The EMPATHIST's preoccupation with ``impractical'' issues will strike
the LEGALIST as irresponsible
and unfair in the relationship forcing the LEGALIST to take care of
all reality-based concerns in life,
including earning a living.
3.The conflicts over money and work, in particular, may result in the
LEGALIST's continual parenting of
the EMPATHIST mate.
4.The absence of reinforcement and appreciation may be crippling to the
EMPATHIST's sense of personal
esteem and self-worth.
5.The EMPATHIST may conclude that the LEGALIST has no concept of deep
feeling and relationship.
Note: all of these predictable crises are more likely when the LEGALIST is
a thinker and the EMPATHIST is a perceptive.
Possible Benefits For This Combination:
1.The LEGALIST may become more open to aesthetics, learning,
interpersonal dynamics, feelings and
spirituality.
2.The EMPATHIST may learn to channel some effort and energy into areas
which will provide some
financial or otherwise real payoff.
3.The LEGALIST may become more flexible, and the EMPATHIST may learn to
complete tasks and be
more reliable and punctual.
Follow the links below to learn more about each Mating Type.
Intuitive Thinker (NT)Analyst
Intuitive Feeler (NF)Empathist
Sensing-Judging (SJ)Legalist
Sensing-Perceptive (SP)Realist
Follow these links to learn more about how different Mating Types interact.
The (NT)Analyst and the (SP)Realist
The (NF)Empathist and the (NT)Anaylst
The (NF)Empahtist and the (SP)Realist
The (SJ)Legalist and the (NF)Empathist
The (SJ)Legalist and the (NT)Analyst
The (SJ)Leaglist and the (SP)Realist
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--
(Steve) http://www.srv.net/~sir/reiser.html
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**** Love is the most powerful force in the Universe ****
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Official Bearer of the Light of the RFA
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