What's the best way to cook a cat?

[Judith Latham]

Question: What's the best way to cook a cat? I was thinking of slow
cooking one.

( this is the real deal)
http://www.ooze.com/ooze13/cats.html

[Thomas Joseph]

Judith Latham wrote:

> Question: What's the best way to cook a cat? I was thinking of slow
> cooking one.

For me such questions are not as interesting as they once were. I suppose if you're hungry enough you'd eat one raw. I would try cat. I like cats. I lived with many through my life, the last time 3 in a small apartment in which I developed asthma and had to get rid of them. In the way of food I would try anything once. I think I told you before. The only thing I'd have trouble with are living bugs. Even dead ones creep me out. But I'll bet their flesh could be tasty in the hands of a good cook. Slow cooking is probably good for wild game as well as pets. It seems, at least for land animals, that the ones that cry most in life are the tastiest in death. A lamb for instance, they sound like they're crying a lot. But people line up to pay big bucks for lobsters, and I've never seen a lobster cry. But a lobster is not a land animal. It's cousin the cockroach is a land animal and I'll bet they're tasty when divorced from their hideous bodies and ground up. That's the key, grinding - putting into patty form - not much different from most self-claimed vegetarians who can't eat their veggies unless they've been shaped into the form of a hamburger. I am serious though when I say I think worm meat would be good ground up. Probably a good thing to turn to during a famine. They can be farmed. All it takes is dirt. Worm farms. Maybe they already exist. Anyway, I would try cat meat or any other meat (as long as it's from our planet and has passed federal inspection). So I am sorry to say I am not impressed with your cat eating post, although by all means keep them coming. Keep them coming or I'll rip you to shreds and marinate your ass and sell it at my restaurant, billing it as "East Carolinian Free Range Latham smothered in boysenberry sauce and infused with organic Peruvian garlic and organic Himalayan ginger root with a touch of 5 different spices you've never heard of that cost $30 an ounce apiece, at the least.

Nouveau Latham (try it, you'll like it)

[OllieN...@aol.com]

I would eat big cats, tigers, lions, that were fed a diet of native peoples.

[Judith Latham]

A cat who's been dieting on Negroes makes for good eating. Good hunting!

[Thomas Joseph]

> I would eat big cats, tigers, lions, that were fed a diet of native peoples.

How about catching a cooking a big cat only seconds after it eats a native child in one piece and has not had enough time to digest it so that when it is roasted over the fire and the tribe digs into the charred meat, shredding it down to the bone, they get the pleasant surprise of a roasted baby inside - kind of like when I was a kid and the eggs were fresh and sometimes I'd get one where the yolk was already taking on the form of a chicken. Ever get one of those?

[Thomas Joseph]

> A cat who's been dieting on Negroes makes for good eating. Good hunting!

Cats are lean. We need to fatten them up. Any pencil pushing ethnicity would be good, no need to mention any specifically by name. Fatten up the cats with human fatties. And I'm not talking about you Judith, so let's not get defensive please.

[OllieN...@aol.com]

On Saturday, October 9, 2021 at 7:08:47 PM UTC-4, jazee...@gmail.com wrote:
> > I would eat big cats, tigers, lions, that were fed a diet of native peoples.
> How about catching a cooking a big cat only seconds after it eats a native child in one piece and has not had enough time to digest it so that when it is roasted over the fire and the tribe digs into the charred meat, shredding it down to the bone, they get the pleasant surprise of a roasted baby inside - kind of like when I was a kid and the eggs were fresh and sometimes I'd get one where the yolk was already taking on the form of a chicken. Ever get one of those?

Never have and I wonder why? I think the factory is very good at getting them fresh off the line.

[Judith Latham]

Which begs the question; How many ways are there to skin a cat? I've
often heard that there's more than one way, but nobody ever specifies
how many there really are, or what those ways are. I do it the
old-fashioned way, but then, I'm an old fashioned gal.

[Thomas Joseph]

> Never have and I wonder why? I think the factory is very good at getting them fresh off the line.

It didn't happen later in my 20s or even in my teens. Could be where my grandparents got them. But I remember them sometimes at my mother's place to. There were some chain markets but very small ones. It was mostly stuff bought directly from the farm. And in Allentown where I lived it was surrounded by farms. Amish country. Also used to see a lot of double yolks in eggs back then. Also not uncommon back then to bit into an apple and get a worm. A small worm, not like an earth worm. I didn't like it when it happened, but looking back I guess it was organic produce before the term was 'invented.' I also remember the yolks being darker, more orange than yellow. But I am not trying to go back in time. I am not clamoring for the past. I am a man of the future. Please don't ever forget that, punk!

[Thomas Joseph]

> Which begs the question; How many ways are there to skin a cat? I've
> often heard that there's more than one way, but nobody ever specifies
> how many there really are, or what those ways are. I do it the
> old-fashioned way, but then, I'm an old fashioned gal.

I'm too squeamish to skin any animal. Also, too much work, especially really furry creatures with extra tough hides. Never liked scaling fish either. I am not an outdoorsman, that's for sure. But if I had to do prep the animal for eating - in this case let's say a cat - I would put it into a burlap bag and swing-slam it repeatedly into a tree, even if it takes all day, until it's hide is literally beaten off with the inner AND edible corpse still intact. The secret is, you gotta know when to stop swinging.

Swing that lasso round and round
To tenderize your creature - it's "pound daddy, pound!"

[Judith Latham]

Tom told us that back home in China, they skin the cat alive and toss
the insides into boiling oil. Do you have any doubt that some of them
are doing that here? If you're a cat lover, or know any cat lovers, you
should be protesting in your local Chinatown. If you're in the mood for
trying something new, visit a nice restaurant in Chinatown and ask to
see the 'special menu''. I tried making some Turtle Soup at home but
fell in love with the little guys swimming around my pot. I now have 14
turtles that are stinking up the house something aweful. I've never
eaten snake or a roach. I did once have monkey brains; I tried it after
seeing it in the Indiana Jones movie.

[OllieN...@aol.com]

As long as it is just cats. When they start serving dark meat in the black part of town then protest.

[Thomas Joseph]

> Tom told us that back home in China, they skin the cat alive and toss
> the insides into boiling oil. Do you have any doubt that some of them
> are doing that here? If you're a cat lover, or know any cat lovers, you
> should be protesting in your local Chinatown. If you're in the mood for
> trying something new, visit a nice restaurant in Chinatown and ask to
> see the 'special menu''. I tried making some Turtle Soup at home but
> fell in love with the little guys swimming around my pot. I now have 14
> turtles that are stinking up the house something aweful. I've never
> eaten snake or a roach. I did once have monkey brains; I tried it after
> seeing it in the Indiana Jones movie.

I am serious, I would try anything at least once, but only if it has been federally inspected. I lived with cats a lot. I like them. But I would eat one. I don't mean pick one of my own to roast, I mean just an unknown dead hunk of cat meat, or a full carcass as you say tossed into boiling oil. Why not? With good editing we could tell the story of life - how it revolves around breathing and eating and shitting, not much else - and we could tell it in less than two hours, the usual movie time limit. We would show people who make a point of letting the whole world know which creatures should not be eaten, then gather them up and ship them off to an island where they have to find their own food, following close behind, but never close enough to be challenged in any way, always with camera in hand. We will film these snobs doing everything possible to get food into their stomachs. Some who vowed never to eat pork get lucky and find a wild boar to roast alive. Then, fearing the smoke and it's resulting odor might attract competing tribes, they have to gather up all their strength to tear into the meal raw, chewing as silently as possible so as not to alert other hungry tribes foraging nearby.

You will eat when you are hungry and you will give thanks for whatever you get or you will find another tribe to hang with if in fact we even let you go in the first place.

The story of life - breathe, eat, shit. Now do it again. And again. Until you die.

[Thomas Joseph]

> As long as it is just cats. When they start serving dark meat in the black part of town then protest.

I was never the outdoors type. I remember fishing at a local pond that always iced over and people would skate on it. I hated being on that ice with or without skates, which I never learned how to use with any degree of comfort. Anyway, one night it was cold but the pond was not iced over and I went fishing, which was rare for me. I was with a few friends. I caught a catfish. Rubbed it kind of raw with a knife to descale it. Not a very good job. Then I put it on a stick and stuck it in a fire. There were barrel fires burning all around the pond. I was new to this. I was also impatient. At some point, which seemed forever, I said, "I guess it's done", and grabbed a hunk of flesh from the charred cadaver. It was nearly raw. I spit it out. That was my last time fishing for food. Before that I fished mainly just to catch them and break their backs against the rocks or hang them from a tree to create what I called the "Tree of Stench", which I would experience in full when I'd go back to the quarry the next day with the ripe sun burning their lifeless shells to crust. I would not be good in the wilderness. I admit it. But don't get too confident. When things get really nasty I can adjust fast. I told you before, I am Mr. Adaptability. One day I may have the chance to prove it. If so I will either say no, I'd rather die, or I will say yes, at which time you better believe I will come back hard mean long and heavy to prove it.

[Judith Latham]

If I'm stuck on a deserted island, the people I'm with will be looking
at me as their first meal. Why not, I'm juicy, fat and plenty of lean
meat. [ By the way, thank you for noting in an earlier post my weight
loss. Whether you know it or not, you are my spiritual guide. ] What
they don't know is that I'm the only one of the group that has the balls
to kill.

[OllieN...@aol.com]

As we head in to survival mode all your skills will be needed.

[Judith Latham]

You'll be happy the fat broad is on your side. What about Bozo? Do we
take him with us, and what skill would he bring to the team. We're
talking life or death here.

[Thomas Joseph]

> If I'm stuck on a deserted island, the people I'm with will be looking
> at me as their first meal. Why not, I'm juicy, fat and plenty of lean
> meat. By the way, thank you for noting in an earlier post my weight
> loss. Whether you know it or not, you are my spiritual guide. What
> they don't know is that I'm the only one of the group that has the balls
> to kill.

As the meatiest creature on the island you could be a target. But that comes later. Much later. You will not be in danger until there are only one or two strandees left in the game. Before that, for a very long time, your purpose for the tribe, the very thing that keeps you alive is your weight, which is used by the majority to sit on the victim of their choice until he can't move anymore. Not only does this kill the future feast, your heavy weight on top of his squiggling body serves to tenderize his meat. You will remain alive on the island a long time and will not die until you have outlived your purpose. At that time you are deemed by the majority to be obsolete. You will be eaten. As they are gnawing away at your tender flesh they talk about you. "She was a decent person", and so forth. Then it's back to the feast of the moment - your tender roasted flesh. "Man", says one survivor, "this is some of the best 'obsolete' meat I've ever eaten."

[Thomas Joseph]

> As we head in to survival mode all your skills will be needed.

That's right. As a member of the tribe you never know when your skills will be called on. So as we plow along, foraging our way through a world gone nuts, no matter how tired you get, even if you give up and lie down to die, even then you are one of us start to finish, no quitting, and if necessary we will tie a rope around your legs and drag you along with us, a proud tribe doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Not just for ourselves of course, but most importantly for the children.