Pissed off

[Judith Latham]

I'm back home in Brooklyn and I'm sorry to say that the entire trip was
a disaster from start to finish. I'll get right to the punchline and
tell you that the engagement is off, for good I'm sure. It all started
off innocently when Schlomo, Moses and Adolf Rosen, the prospective
groom went out for a few "get to know you" drinks. Please don't start
about the boy's name being Adolf. His great grandfather was a German Jew
and his name was Adolf, a popular name at that time. The first problem
was that Schlomo is sober 3 years now and had no intention of drinking
alcohol. The boys however are both 18 and couldn't wait to get drunk.
Instead of going inside the bar with the boys, he provided them both
with fake IDs and dropped them off out front of "The Bunker". He said he
would wait outside like a schlep in his car while they went in and
drank. The boys, left to their own devices went inside and proceeded to
consume an enormous quantity of beer. They were both plastered. When
Schlomo saw the condition they were in, he thought if he brought them to
the Western Wall to pray, it might sober them up. They drove to
Jerusalem and went straight to the Wall. When they were standing by the
Wall, supposedly to pray, Adolf whipped out his dick a started peeing on
the Western Wall. Security immediately leaped into action, but not
before Adolf left a big pee stain. The press happened to be nearby and a
huge scandal was now underway. The headline the next morning in the
Jerusalem Post read "ADOLF PISSES ON WESTERN WALL". Never had such
treachery been perpetrated before. Considering his name is Adolf and had
been drinking in "The Bunker" only magnified the situation. The boy was
from a close knit Hasidic sect and now they were shunned by their own
community for the disgrace brought upon them.

Schlomo became the fall guy in the eyes of the Rosen family. They felt
he should have supervised the situation being he was supposed to be the
adult of the crowd. My sister Sarah, already reeling from an incident at
the airport [I will explain another day], laced into the Rosens for
blaming her brother. Rivka and Adolf's mother nearly came to blows. By
the time Adolf was released from custody on bail, the Lathams and the
Rosens were ready to kill each other. Sadly the engagement has been
cancelled. Sadder for the Rosens is they've been chased from their
community. The Hasids are not forgiving people.

At least I've made it back in one piece and can enjoy once again you
guys on alt.life.sucks

[Thomas Joseph]

Even without your story I knew the review of your trip would not be a positive one as the older I get the more I know that vacations are an exhausting waste of time. Wanna take a real vacation? Stay at home and watch TV. Groove on the here and now, that's my motto.

Your story was long but entertaining in spots. Even before Adolf pissed on the wall it was funny just thinking that a guy is going to drive two drunks to a fucking wall to pray their way sober.

I have a Jew story (one of many from my cab driving days) and will try to keep it short.

I had just gotten a "no load" (where someone calls a cab but is not there when the driver arrives), and was not happy. I was in the Fairfax district near Hollywood. I saw an orthodox type Jew flagging me down in the middle of the street. "Oh great", I thought, "this guy may be going to the airport."

I got out. He did not speak my language and I did not know his. He was frantic. Arms waving up and down. He knew maybe 5 words. "Come", was one of them. He kept repeating it, "Come, come", as he pulled me along by my arm to his house. I figured he needed help with luggage. Now we're inside and he's pointing at the electrical switch on the wall. His arms are going up and down. I moved toward the switch. I said, "I don't know anything about electoral stuff", thinking he wanted the unit fixed or something. He grabbed my hand and guided it to the switch and without letting it touch the switch he moved my hand up and down. "Oh", I said, "you want me to turn the switch on or off?", as he began to nod his head rapidly up and down with a big "You got it!" smile on his face. I still didn't get it. But I hit the switch and the lights came on. "Yes, yes, yes", he said guiding me out of his home and back to my cab. I later asked somebody about it and was told that lights cannot be turned on before or after a certain time - God's law. A law this guy thought he could skirt by getting someone else's hand to do the job for him. Wow, what a warped way of thinking. Warped - and very human.

[Judith Latham]

We lived very orthodox like that when papa was home. Those tasks were
performed in our home by our boarder, Tom. He is Chinese and was brought
into our home by my bubbe. How they met and what their relationship was
we still don't know. He is still alive and continues to live with us;
but nobody knows why. He pays no rent, eats our food, and farts up a
storm. After papa went to prison, mama said "Fuck this bullshit!" From
that day on, we lived as non-kosher as a Jew could get, yet we kept up
the facade that we were a pious people. Being a hypocrite is easier than
one may think.

[Thomas Joseph]

> Being a hypocrite is easier than one may think.

Not for me it isn't. I hope not. I never tried. Being the world's most honest man is not easy. Well, actually, it is easy, now, after all these years of practice makes perfect. But in the beginning their may have been moments of doubt and hesitation. But once I perfected the craft of honesty - which is far more than mere craft, (I only use that word because the one that best defines my honesty has not yet been invented), once I perfected it and it became a part of me, the biggest part of me, it because the easiest thing on earth. I hate hypocrites. I know a lot about them because I spent several years pretending to be one and associating with them to see what makes them tick for a book I was writing on the subject - another book that no one would publish because they know my truth might in some way ruin things for their business because my truth, while not entirely anti materialism, is a bit on the spiritual side because I'm a spiritual guy who hates liars and frauds and will do anything I can to keep them from propagating our earth with bullshit even if I means I have to kill them to achieve my ultimate goal of honesty for all!

The idea of having someone else turn on a light switch for you - not much different from a guy paying to get someone whacked thinks he is innocent because the death did not occur by his hands directly. Funny stuff.

[OllieN...@aol.com]

What is called hypocrisy is often just a con.