SPARRING PARTNERS WANTED

[Tommy Joe]

I was walking past an old boarded up factory with a big sign that
said, "Sparring Partners Wanted". I got up on my toes and peaked
through a small crack between the wood slats. I figured what the
hell, I don't know the first thing about boxing but I'm willing to
take a minor beating for enough cash.

Peaking through the crack I saw a guy outside the ring barking
instructions.

"Good work, Johnny", he boomed. "Ok, that's enough work on his
head, - let's take it downstairs a while. That's it babe, work his
bread basket. Excellent work, Johhny. Now bob and weave, show me your
defense. Beautiful. Now take it back to his head. There ya go
babe. Now slow it down. Use your left. Stick, stick, stick. Ok,
you got him woozy - now let's
wind up for the big one. Come on Johnny, wind up that big right hand
- slow and easy, windmill stuyle. There ya go. Now - hard, mean,
long and heavy - let it rip! Oh yeah baby. That's the way to explode
a man's head."

Then the instructor turns and barks to an attendant, "Ok, that's
it for that guy, let's get another one on the post." The attendant
leaves the room and quickly returns with a fresh "sparring partner"
tied to a long post and carried into the ring and propped up for the
next boxer to work on. I'm glad I looked in that window or I would
have been next on the board. That's why I say it's always good to
hesitate before accepting any job.

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

I thought this was about Skyving.

[Tommy Joe]

Ollie Nortwrote:

> I thought this was about Skyving.

And you're disappointed it wasn't? I'll try to work him into my
next story.

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

Include his lobbing dick.

[Tommy Joe]

OllieNort wrote:



> Include his lobbing dick.



I have written many times of his swinging Swede stick even though I
have never seen it. Let's cut the skin off that hooded dorkus and see
what it really looks like. It would be like taking off Trayvon's
hoodie and getting a really good look at what lurks beneath. I'm
sick of these uncircumcised egotists including their long skin hoods
in the dick measurement process. Let's get the hoodie off Skyving's
dick and see how much it lobs then.

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

I know Leif. I have seen Leifs dick. And you are no dick. I have
only seen it flaccid and it hangs down to his knees.

[Tommy Joe]

OllieNort wrote:



> I know Leif.  I have seen Leifs dick.  And you are no dick.  I have
> only seen it flaccid and it hangs down to his knees.

Not only do I believe you have seen Skyving's dick, I believe you
have had direct contact with it at some point. But perhaps not close
enough to know that a good deal of it's length is foreskin.

Measuring a guy's dick without excluding the skin is like a guy
with a huge 4 foot tall head that sits on top of shoulders only 2 feet
from the ground. It is unfair to measure people's height using the
top of their heads. It should be the shoulders. Is a guy with a 4
foot head and shoulders only 2 feet from the ground really a 'tall'
person? I think not. I will not challenge you on Skyving's dick size
though, maybe it is a monster. Maybe that's why he's into the aerobic
stuff, to keep his blood pumping strong enough to get that big flaccid
lobber up and jumping. Can you describe his ball?

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

I don't think he has any balls. Especially after seeing his act.

[Tommy Joe]

OllieNort wrote:




> I don't think he has any balls.  Especially after seeing his act.

I think what you saw on Skyving was a huge fake dick designed to
hide his overly large balls. He's got plenty of balls doing the stuff
he does. I strongly suspect he is masking his out-sized nutsack with
an enormous fake dick that shields the sack from the dangerous rays of
the sun as well as kicks or punches from angry audience members who
have seen his act and want their money back.

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

Skyvings act has its moments. An infomercial could hi lite them.
Make you think the whole act is funny. But no act is entirely funny.

[Tommy Joe]

OllieNort wrote:



> Skyvings act has its moments.  An infomercial could hi lite them.
> Make you think the whole act is funny.  But no act is entirely funny.

Not if it goes on too long, which typically they do. I spent a lot
of time in comedy clubs. I was drunk a lot, just hanging out, but I
went up too. Skyving agrees with me that we both know what we want to
do up there but it's not always easy to bare the soul. Yes Skyving
can be funny, otherwise I would not have liked him from when I first
met him at the Comedy Cave back in the early 80s, I believe, some time
around then. He is too dependent on material in the form of
punchlines - jokes. It's really hard to get away from jokes and just
go with the flow. It's hard to be yourself on stage. I do not have
stage fright, I'm pretty good up there, comfortable, unless I am
without an act. I knew that what I was doing was an act and could not
escape the burden of that. Yet I never had the guts to go up and take
a wild chance and bare my soul, afraid perhaps that I might reveal my
true inner ugliness in some way such as being a killer, a thief, or
worse a homosexual. Truth serum may be the answer. Fuck getting high
- just take truth serum and hit the stage, there's got to be some
humor in that even for non comics who do it.

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

Beat poertry is for you. Bare that soul.

[Tommy Joe]

OllieNort wrote:



> Beat poertry is for you.  Bare that soul.

I beat it before the beats came in

I was on my way before we knew where we were going

I knew the destination but not now we would get there

I was the leader of the parade

I marched to the beat of the beats before they became known

I was Hendricks before he became known

I was Joplin before she became known

Now they are dead but not alone

They groove on my son, let it go, I don't like your tone

TJ

[OllieN...@aol.com]

I was beating off to your poem. Thats the ultimate for beat poetry.

[Tommy Joe]

OllieNort wrote:




> I was beating off to your poem.  Thats the ultimate for beat poetry.

That would be a funny scene in a movie, a dark club with a beat
poet on stage, the camera panning over the crowd, first their faces -
ecstatic, dreamy. eyes lolling in their heads - then panning down to
their laps as we see their hands feverishly jerking up and down, their
giant dicks out of their pants, even women humping their hands between
their legs, as the beat poet rambles on with words of such dramatic
truth that all the listeners are transported to the ultimate nirvana.
Wow, it's like really groovy. And just then the cops burst through
the doors. Everyone is arrested and bailed out. The poet has
material for his next reading, and a new audience that read about the
bust in the papers will be there to hear it.

Rock on Beat Boy, rock on

TJ