Warning Labels

[Little One]

If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and
liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up
with
    breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100
yards.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like
    an asshole.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
    ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in
the morning.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same
    boring story over and over again until your friends want to
smash your head in.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things
like
    thish.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
boss what
    you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office
Christmas party.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the
    hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't
remember).
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable
    rug burn on the forehead.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you
    are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really,
really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering
when
you are not.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
    logically converse with other members of the opposite sex
without spitting.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are
    invisible.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are
    laughing WITH you.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space
    continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time
may seem to literally disappear.
    WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy