A Mirza Ghalib Persian Ghazal and Sufi Tabassum's Punjabi Translation
Naseer
This Mirza Ghalib Ghazal and its Punjabi translation by Sufi Tabassum
has been discussed in the past on at least two occasions. In light of
recent threads on Urdu poetry's translations into English and vice
versa and the subject of the art of translation itslef, I thought it
might be beneficial to resurrect this topic once again. There was no
point trying to incorporate this into the on going thread, for this
would have just caused clutter.
I shall transcribe only the five Persian couplets which Ghulam Ali has
sung and for which we have Sufi Tabassum's Punjabi translation. So,
here is the Farsi original. I shall provide a literal Urdu translation
for each couplet.
zi man gar-at nabuvad baavar-i-intizaar, biyaa
bahaanah-joe ma-baash-o-satezah-kaar, biyaa
agar tujhe mere intizaar kaa yaqiin nah ho, aa jaa
bahaanah DhuuNdne vaalaa aur jhagRaaluu mat ban, aa jaa
vadaa'-o-vasl judaagaanah lazzate daard
hazaar baar birau, sad hazaar baar biyaa
hijr-o-visaal alag alag lazzat rakhte haiN
hazaar baar chalaa jaa, laakh baar aa jaa
rivaaj-i-sauma'ah hastii-st ziinhaar ma-rau
mataa'-i-maikadah mastii-st hoshyaar* biyaa
kaliisaa kaa rivaaj hastii** hai, Khabar-daar mat jaa
maikade kii daulat mastii hai, ai hoshmand, aa jaa
tu tifl-i-saadah-dil-o-hamnashiiN bad-aamozast
jazaazah gar na-tavaaN diid bar mazaar biaa
tuu siidhaa-saadah bachchah aur saathii buri mat detaa hai (dush-
updeshak!)
janaazah agar nahiiN dekh saktaa (to) mazaar par (hii) aa jaa
Hisaar-i-'aaqibate gar havas kunii Ghalib
cho maa ba-Halqah-i-rindaan-i-Khaak-saar, biyaa
agar tu agle jahaan kii panaah chaahtaa hai, Ghalib
hamaarii tarH Haqiir rindoN kii bazm meN aa jaa
* NB Vijay Sahib, hoshyaar, not hoshiyaar:-)
** just the mundane matters of life?
......................................................................................................................................
And now the Punjabi version
http://www.apnaorg.com/poetry/tabassum/poem-1.html
For none-Punjabi knowing ALUPers, I shall "convert" it to Urdu!
mere shauq kaa nahiiN i'tibaar tujhe, aajaa dekh meraa intizaar aa jaa
yuuNhii laRne ke bahaane DhuuNDtaa hai, kyaa tuu sochtaa hai sitamgaar
aa jaa
chaahe hijr aur chaahe visaal ho alag alag donoN kii lazzateN haiN
mere sohane jaa hazaar baar, aa jaa pyaare aur laakh baar aa jaa
yih rivaaj hai masjidoN mandiroN kaa, vahaaN hastiyaaN aur Khud-
parastiyaaN haiN
maiKhaane meN mastiyaaN hii mastiyaaN haiN, hosh kar, ban ke hoshyaar
aa jaa
tuu saadah aur teraa dil saadah, tujhe yuuN hii raqiib ne gumraah
kiyaa
agar tuu mere janaaze par nahiiN aayaa, raah dekhtaa hai terii mazaar,
aa jaa
sukh meN basnaa jo tuu chaahtaa hai ai mere Ghalib is jahaan andar
aa jaa rindoN kii bazm meN aa (kar) baiTh jaa, yahaaN baiThte haiN
Khaaksaar, aa jaa
And finally, for your listening pleasure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkA4B-4mreQ
From the Persian Ghazal, it is obvious that a number of things are
only implied. How has Sufi Tabassum performed in his task? Your views
please.
Naseer
Afzal A. Khan
> Dear ALUPers, aadaab 'arz hai
> vadaa'-o-vasl judaagaanah lazzate daard
> hazaar baar birau, sad hazaar baar biyaa
Maybe the last word in the first misra' is "daarad".
>
> hijr-o-visaal alag alag lazzat rakhte haiN
> hazaar baar chalaa jaa, laakh baar aa jaa
>
> rivaaj-i-sauma'ah hastii-st ziinhaar ma-rau
> mataa'-i-maikadah mastii-st hoshyaar* biyaa
>
> kaliisaa kaa rivaaj hastii** hai, Khabar-daar mat jaa
> maikade kii daulat mastii hai, ai hoshmand, aa jaa
>
> tu tifl-i-saadah-dil-o-hamnashiiN bad-aamozast
> jazaazah gar na-tavaaN diid bar mazaar biaa
The first word is to be read as "janaaza(h).
>
> tuu siidhaa-saadah bachchah aur saathii buri mat detaa hai (dush-
> updeshak!)
> janaazah agar nahiiN dekh saktaa (to) mazaar par (hii) aa jaa
"Saathii" seems too literal. The word used in the Urdu version
of Soofi Saheb's Punjabi rendition is more appropriate, viz.
"raqeeb". Have you used "mat" in the sense of "salaah" or
advice ?
Some more comments will follow.
Afzal
Naseer
Yes, these two are typos. As you have rightly pointed out, they should
be "daarad" and "janaazah".
I have made a literal translation, hence "saathii" for "ham-nashiin".
Yes, "mat" is "advice". This word may not be idiomatic in current Urdu
but I could n't think of anything else at the time. We use it
regularly in Punjabi.
Naseer
Afzal A. Khan
> On Feb 11, 1:25 pm, "Afzal A. Khan"<me_af...@privacy.net> wrote:
>> On 2/11/2011 6:32 AM, Naseer wrote:
>>
>>> Dear ALUPers, aadaab 'arz hai
>>> vadaa'-o-vasl judaagaanah lazzate daard
>>> hazaar baar birau, sad hazaar baar biyaa
>>
>> Maybe the last word in the first misra' is "daarad".
>>
>>
>>
>>> hijr-o-visaal alag alag lazzat rakhte haiN
>>> hazaar baar chalaa jaa, laakh baar aa jaa
>>
>>> rivaaj-i-sauma'ah hastii-st ziinhaar ma-rau
>>> mataa'-i-maikadah mastii-st hoshyaar* biyaa
>>
>>> kaliisaa kaa rivaaj hastii** hai, Khabar-daar mat jaa
>>> maikade kii daulat mastii hai, ai hoshmand, aa jaa
>>
>>> tu tifl-i-saadah-dil-o-hamnashiiN bad-aamozast
>>> jazaazah gar na-tavaaN diid bar mazaar biaa
>>
>> The first word is to be read as "janaaza(h).
>>
>>
>>
>>> tuu siidhaa-saadah bachchah aur saathii buri mat detaa hai (dush-
>>> updeshak!)
>>> janaazah agar nahiiN dekh saktaa (to) mazaar par (hii) aa jaa
>>
>> "Saathii" seems too literal. The word used in the Urdu version
>> of Soofi Saheb's Punjabi rendition is more appropriate, viz.
>> "raqeeb". Have you used "mat" in the sense of "salaah" or
>> advice ?
>>
>> Some more comments will follow.
>
>
> muHtaram Afzal Sahib, aadaab.
>
> Yes these two are typos. As you have indicated, they should be
> "daarad" and "janaazah".
>
> I have just offered a literal translation, hence "ham-nashiin". The
> poet is obviously implying to his beloved that the person in whose
> company s/he sits, (ham-nishiin/companion/saathii) that person is
> offering her/him "burii mat"...bad advice. Perhaps "mat" is not
> idiomatic in Urdu these days. We use it Punjabi regularly.
>
> Naseer
>
Naseer Saheb,
My only problem with the literal translation ("saathi") was
that it contains and conveys a positiove connotation. Whereas
only a rival (i.e. "raqeeb") or someone who is inimical towards
the poet/lover would give a deliberate wrong advice to the
mehboob. And, to my mind, this is what Ghalib meant to convey.
Just my view.
Afzal
Vijay
Aadaab Naseer sahib:
Thanks for renewing this thread. I may come back to it again later,
but just a few comments for the time being:
Panjabi version is simply glorious and stand on its own quite well. I,
for years, didn't know it was a translation (or beter, inspired from)
a Ghalib original. When eventually I tracked down the Ghalib original
(through ALUP, Jamil sahib), my first reaction was of a sense of
disappointment. Mustafa Tabbasum has used a larger canvas (read behar)
and has been able to include extra words and expressions (and none
seems 'redundant') to very good effect. I think it is miles ahead of
the original.
Now, the phenomenon of 'first impressions' may be operational here.
Time and again one finds that people prefer the version of a movie,
song or any other piece of literature that they experienced first,
whether it is the original or the re-make. (There are people, I am
sure, who have only seen Mughal-e-Azam, Casablanca, or It is a
Wonderful Life, in the colourised version. They may balk at the B&W
versions, but I can't stand the 'sacrilege' of colourisation). This
may very well be the case with my preference for the Panjabi version.
About 'saathi' v/s raqiib: raqiib is a better and more efective choice
of a word, no doubt. But I wonder if Ghalib didn't mean 'raqiib' but a
female companion of the mehbuub. In old Hindustani literature/movies,
there was often a female companion of the heroine (e.g. Nigar Sultana
in Mughal-e-Azam), who could facilitate or block the affair between
the two lovers. It is conceivable that the 'saathi' in Ghalib's
original refers to such a person.
Regards,
Vijay
Naseer
Persian language in essence is much more "compact" compared with Urdu
or Punjabi and for this reason it should not surprise us to see a more
verbose translation. Moreover, there are concepts which are only
implied in the Persian which are made more apparent in the Punjabi
translation. Elsewhere bits and pieces are added to the translation
not only to provide a more "rounded" end product but also to take care
of the baHr and vazn. This pads out the translation still further.
zi man gar-at nabuvad baavar-i-intizaar, biyaa
bahaanah-joe ma-baash-o-satezah-kaar, biyaa
mere shauq kaa nahiiN i'tibaar tujhe, aajaa dekh meraa intizaar aa jaa
yuuNhii laRne ke bahaane DhuuNDtaa hai, kyaa tuu sochtaa hai sitamgaar
aa jaa
In the first line, there is no mention of "shauq" as such. The poet is
saying to his beloved that if you don't believe me that I have been
(suffering) as a consequence of this (prolonged) waiting, stop making
excuses and picking quarrels with me, just come and see (the state I
am in). Sufi Tabassum says, "come and see my waiting, come on" which
again is not quite what Ghalib has said. "kyaa tuu sochtaa hai
sitamgaar aa jaa" is extra padding. All in all, Sufi Tabassum is
successful in conveying the genearal meaning of the opening couplet.
vadaa'-o-vasl judaagaanah lazzate daard
hazaar baar birau, sad hazaar baar biyaa
chaahe hijr aur chaahe visaal ho alag alag donoN kii lazzateN haiN
mere sohane jaa hazaar baar, aa jaa pyaare aur laakh baar aa jaa
Additional features are "mere sohne, aa jaa pyaare". I think the
addition of "sohne" and " aa jaa pyaare" adds a dimention of tender
pleading. For me, the translation here is more pleasing than the
original.
rivaaj-i-sauma'ah hastii-st ziinhaar ma-rau
mataa'-i-maikadah mastii-st hoshyaar* biyaa
yih rivaaj hai masjidoN mandiroN kaa, vahaaN hastiyaaN aur Khud-
parastiyaaN haiN
maiKhaane meN mastiyaaN hii mastiyaaN haiN, hosh kar, ban ke hoshyaar
aa jaa
Ghalib is using Christian imagery (sauma'ah [church/monastry]) whereas
Sufi Tabassum brings in the more familiar masjid/mandir which is a
nice touch. I think the translation does complete justice to the
couplet.
tu tifl-i-saadah-dil-o-hamnashiiN bad-aamozast
jazaazah gar na-tavaaN diid bar mazaar biaa
tuu saadah aur teraa dil saadah, tujhe yuuN hii raqiib ne gumraah
kiyaa
agar tuu mere janaaze par nahiiN aayaa, raah dekhtaa hai terii mazaar,
aa jaa
"tu tifl-i-saadah-dil" reminds me of the song "tum kam-sin ho, naadaaN
ho, naazuk ho, bholii ho". Ghalib is suggesting to his beloved that
she is "kam-sin" and "bholii" and her company is with the wrong sort
person who is doing nothing but providing her with evil council. Sufi
Tabassum uses the word "ku-raah" which I think is exactly the same as
"gum-raah". The concept of offering evil council is neatly portrayed
by "kuraah". Once again, nice accurate translation.
Hisaar-i-'aaqibate gar havas kunii Ghalib
cho maa ba-Halqah-i-rindaan-i-Khaak-saar, biyaa
sukh meN basnaa jo tuu chaahtaa hai ai mere Ghalib is jahaan andar
aa jaa rindoN kii bazm meN aa (kar) baiTh jaa, yahaaN baiThte haiN
Khaaksaar, aa jaa
My understanding of the concluding couplet is this. Oh Ghalib, if you
lust after a secure and (happy) afterlife, then enter the circle of
the meek (here on Earth). Sufi Tabassum's translation talks about
living in peace and tranquility on Earth but "'aaqibat", I think
generally carries the meaning of afterlife. Perhaps it means future
life in general. If this is the sense in which Ghalib has used this
word, then the Persian is a bit more profound than the Punjabi
translation.
I have quickly worked through the poem. I would tend to agree with
Vijay Sahib that the Punjabi translation is more appealing than the
original Persian. Well, what would you expect from two totally
unbiases Punjabis?
Naseer
abhish...@gmail.com
toh is halqah-e-rindan-e-Khaksaar mein aa