kalaam-e-Parvez ki aek jhalak!
Raj Kumar
abhi do-aek roz pehle, baat meiN se baat chal nikli to maiN ne
Ravindra Saahib se apne baRe bhaaii Parkash Nath Parvez se mut'alliq
aek qissa sunaaya aur az-rah-e-tabarruk un ka aek she'r bhi
pesh-e-Khidmat kar diyaa. unhoN ne us she'r ko apni Khusoosi "WOW" ka
haq-daar Thaihraaya aur tajveez farmaaii k maiN Parvez Saahib ke
kalaam se unheN (aur deegar ALUPers) ko baihra-var karooN. agarche
mujhe aisa karne meiN kuchh "tash_heer" ki si boo aa rahi hai, phir
bhi un ke ishte'yaaq ko madd-e-nazar rakhte huye Parvez Saahib ki aek
Ghazal aap sab ki Khidmat meiN pesh kar rahaa hooN --- Khusoosi taur
se, Ravindra Saahib ki Khidmat meiN! phir bhi, agar jumla aihbaab is
Ghazal par apne apne ta'assraat baham pahuNchaayeN to yaqeenan
Khaaksaar ki hauslaa-afzaaii hogi!
--------------
dard-e-dil samajhtaa hai dil ki daastaaN tanhaa
bas yihi hai le de kar apna raazdaaN tanhaa!
yooN to apne raste meiN dair bhi tha ka'aba bhi
ham ko raas aayaa hai teraa aastaaN tanhaa!!!
yeh bhi Khairiyat guzrii, bach gaye haiN gul booTe
bijliyoN ne phooNkaa hai mera aashiyaaN tanhaa!!!
aihl-e-kaarvaaN ne to jaa liyaa hai maNzil ko
raah meiN bhaTaktaa hai meer-e-kaarvaaN tanhaa
uf, yeh hijr kii shab kaa jaaN-gudaaz sannaaTaa
sun rahaa hooN aise meiN rooh ki fuGhaaN tanhaa
ho agar ijaazat to saath ho chaleN ham bhi
ziNdagii ke saihraa meiN jaao ge kahaaN tanhaa???
qaafile bahaaroN ke chal diye kaheeN 'Parvez'
gulshan-e-mohabbat meiN reh gayee KhizaaN tanhaa!!!
----------------
mujhe baRe afsos ke saath kehna paR rahaa hai k Parvez Saahib aaj kal
roo-ba-sehat naheeN haiN aur Hindustaani Panjaab ke aek chhoTe se
qasbe meiN gosha-nisheenii iKhtiyaar kiye huye haiN. na kaheeN aate
haiN na jaate haiN, bas apni aek chhoTi si poti (jo k balaa ki
dil-kash-o-dil-aaraa guRiyaa hai) ke saath khelte rehte haiN!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Sarwar Alam Raz
> Khwaateen-o-hazraat:
>
> abhi do-aek roz pehle, baat meiN se baat chal nikli to maiN ne
> Ravindra Saahib se apne baRe bhaaii Parkash Nath Parvez se mut'alliq
> aek qissa sunaaya aur az-rah-e-tabarruk un ka aek she'r bhi
Qais saaheb: aadaab!
:tash'heer:? yeh kyaa farmaayaa aap ne! bhaa'ee aisee cheezeN
navaadiraat se haiN aur hamaaraa.aapkaa farz hai k jahaaN tak mumkin
ho in ko meHfooz kar jaayeN- alup ke :archives: meiN hee sahee! yeh
sun kar dukh huaa k Parvez saaheb aleel haiN. un kee seHat ke liye
duaa.go hoN, vaise meree duaa'oN kaa asar ma'loom!
Ghazal bohat pasand aayee, Khusoosan yeh sher k :
ho agar ijaazat to saath ho chaleN ham bhee
zindigee ke seHraa meiN jaa'oge kahaaN tanhaa!
subHaan.Allah!!
aap se matle ke baare meiN savaal hai. kyaa yeh saHeeH likhaa gayaa
hai yaa is meiN ko'ee baat reh gayee hai? mojooda soorat meiN to
matalab yooN ban rahaa hai k : dil kaa dard hee dil kee daastaaN
samajhtaa hai aur le de kar yehee dard.e.dil apnaa raazdaaN reh gayaa
hai.: yaa meree samajh meiN ko'ee kotaahee hai?
Parvez saaheb kaa aur kalaam aap per vaajib rahaa!
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Amit Malhotra
ghazal bahut pasand aaii, post karne ke liye bahut shukriya. I also hope
that Parvez sahib will be better soon. I wanted to just comment that his
writing style seems quite different from yours. Of course, just because he
is your brother doesnt mean his style will be the same as yours. I don't
know why, but I particularly like your style of writing urdu poetry, I read
your ghazals often and I really like them, the more I read them, the more I
appreciate them. Now coming back to Parvez sahib's ghazal, I really liked
the maqta of this ghazal. I also liked the second sh'er of this ghazal.
Its very nice, but I would be interested in knowing how you interpret this
sh'er... the understanding I have of it made me really appreciate it :)
vaise hamei.n is ghazal ka radeef pasand aayaa. I know its strange to like
a RADEEF of a ghazal, I dont know why i like the word "tanhaa". hamein
yaqiin hai ki is radeef pe kai aur ghazlei.n bhi likhi gai ho.ngi, magar
hamare dimaagh mein savaal ye uThtaa hai ki kya aapne kabhi is radeef pe koi
ghazal likhi hai? would love to hear it if you have written it. just to be
clear: ham is ghazal kii zamiin kii baat nahin kar rahe hain, sirf radeef
kii.
all in all, it was a wonderful ghazal, and please, don't hesitate to post
some more of Parvez sahib's work. for the fans of urdu poetry like myself,
its a treasure to cherish these poems, especially when they are so
beautifully written.
Sincere Regards,
Amit Malhotra
Irfan 'Abid'
>
> abhi do-aek roz pehle, baat meiN se baat chal nikli to maiN ne
> Ravindra Saahib se apne baRe bhaaii Parkash Nath Parvez se mut'alliq
> aek qissa sunaaya aur az-rah-e-tabarruk un ka aek she'r bhi
> pesh-e-Khidmat kar diyaa. unhoN ne us she'r ko apni Khusoosi "WOW" ka
> haq-daar Thaihraaya aur tajveez farmaaii k maiN Parvez Saahib ke
> kalaam se unheN (aur deegar ALUPers) ko baihra-var karooN. agarche
> mujhe aisa karne meiN kuchh "tash_heer" ki si boo aa rahi hai, phir
> bhi un ke ishte'yaaq ko madd-e-nazar rakhte huye Parvez Saahib ki aek
> Ghazal aap sab ki Khidmat meiN pesh kar rahaa hooN --- Khusoosi taur
> se, Ravindra Saahib ki Khidmat meiN! phir bhi, agar jumla aihbaab is
> Ghazal par apne apne ta'assraat baham pahuNchaayeN to yaqeenan
> Khaaksaar ki hauslaa-afzaaii hogi!
>
> --------------
>
> dard-e-dil samajhtaa hai dil ki daastaaN tanhaa
> bas yihi hai le de kar apna raazdaaN tanhaa!
>
>
> roo-ba-sehat naheeN haiN aur Hindustaani Panjaab ke aek chhoTe se
> qasbe meiN gosha-nisheenii iKhtiyaar kiye huye haiN. na kaheeN aate
> haiN na jaate haiN, bas apni aek chhoTi si poti (jo k balaa ki
> dil-kash-o-dil-aaraa guRiyaa hai) ke saath khelte rehte haiN!
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
R K Sb, aadaab!
Parvez Sb kii is umdah Ghazal se navaazne ke liye meraa pur-Khuluus
shukriya qubuul kiijiye! kyaa baat hai! Ghazal behad pasand aayii!
saadah alfaaz meN taKhayyul kii jo gahraaii piroii hayii hai, vo
qaabil-e-deed hai. is Ghazal kii bahr ko bhii maiN apnii haaliyah
Ghazal kii bahr kii tarah :nisbatan kamyaab magar behad dilkash:
vaalii qism meN shumaar kartaa huuN. mumkin hai is kaa baais merii
mahduud maaluumaat hoN. kam-az-kam mere yahaaN is kaa istemaal bahut
kam huaa hai, lehaazah jo ikkaa dukkaa aisii GhazaleN kahiiN haiN, un
kaa yaad rah jaanaa qudratii baat hai. Parvez Sb kii is Ghazal ne
mujhe apnii ek Ghazal kii be-saaKhtah yaad dilaa dii. Matlaa
mulaahizah farmaaiye, baaqii Ghazal :phir sahii:.
chhoR kar zamaane ko ab jahaaN ham aaye haiN
us jagah hamiiN ham haiN, yaa hamaare saaye haiN
Parvez Sb kii sehat kii liye duaa-go huuN. un se raabtah ho to meraa
aajizaanaa salaam puNhchaa diijiyegaa.
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
UVR
>
> abhi do-aek roz pehle, baat meiN se baat chal nikli to maiN ne
> Ravindra Saahib se apne baRe bhaaii Parkash Nath Parvez se mut'alliq
> aek qissa sunaaya aur az-rah-e-tabarruk un ka aek she'r bhi
> pesh-e-Khidmat kar diyaa. unhoN ne us she'r ko apni Khusoosi "WOW" ka
> haq-daar Thaihraaya aur tajveez farmaaii k maiN Parvez Saahib ke
> kalaam se unheN (aur deegar ALUPers) ko baihra-var karooN. agarche
> mujhe aisa karne meiN kuchh "tash_heer" ki si boo aa rahi hai, phir
> bhi un ke ishte'yaaq ko madd-e-nazar rakhte huye Parvez Saahib ki aek
> Ghazal aap sab ki Khidmat meiN pesh kar rahaa hooN --- Khusoosi taur
> se, Ravindra Saahib ki Khidmat meiN! phir bhi, agar jumla aihbaab is
> Ghazal par apne apne ta'assraat baham pahuNchaayeN to yaqeenan
> Khaaksaar ki hauslaa-afzaaii hogi!
Raj Kumar saahib,
meri "zid" maan kar Parvez saahib kii yeh Khoobsoorat Ghazal
ALUP par post karne kaa shukriyaa. deegar ALUPers kii hii
tarah mujhe bhi yeh Ghazal bahut pasand aayii. aap se guzaarish
hai k ek Dibbe meN Dher saari 'waah-waah'eN, 'bahut Khoob',
'vallaah! kyaa baat hai', waGairaah band kar ke, use ek achchhe
se wrapping paper se wrap kar(waa) deN aur us meiN sehatmandii
ki duaaoN kaa ek adad "bow" lagaa kar merii jaanib se Parvez saahib
ko pahuNchaa deN.
aap kii "tash_heer" waalii baat ke baare meiN maiN sirf itnaa
kahooNgaa k aap (aur Sarwar saahib) jaisoN kaa to FARZ bantaa
hai k aap kii nazar se jis kisii shaa'ir kaa bhii achchhaa kalaam
guzre, aap use ALUP par pesh kareN, phir chaahe woh achchhaa
shaa'ir aap ke baRe bhaa`ii hoN, aap ke Khaandaan ke buzurg,
yaa phir aap ke beTaa/beTii/potaa/naati!
> --------------
>
> dard-e-dil samajhtaa hai dil ki daastaaN tanhaa
> bas yihi hai le de kar apna raazdaaN tanhaa!
matla bahut Khoobsoorat hai. "dard-e-dil" ko jo 'human face'
diyaa gayaa hai, qaabil-e-Ghaur-o-daad hai.
> yooN to apne raste meiN dair bhi tha ka'aba bhi
> ham ko raas aayaa hai teraa aastaaN tanhaa!!!
ye huii na baat! Sounds like our RK saahib's brother alright!
> yeh bhi Khairiyat guzrii, bach gaye haiN gul booTe
> bijliyoN ne phooNkaa hai mera aashiyaaN tanhaa!!!
waah waah! Excellent! goyaa k KhizaaN aayii to sabse
pehle (aur sirf!) us Taihnii par jis par hamaaraa
ghoNslaa thaa! lekin "yeh bhii Khairiyat guzrii"? Superb!
> aihl-e-kaarvaaN ne to jaa liyaa hai maNzil ko
> raah meiN bhaTaktaa hai meer-e-kaarvaaN tanhaa
Awesome! agar yeh sh'er, Raj Kumar saahib, *aap* kii kisii
Ghazal kaa hotaa to maiN kahtaa k --
yahii to nateeja hota hai "putting the cart before the horse"
kaa :))
magar maaloom nahiiN k Parvez saahib ko is qism kaa "bekaar,
betukaa aur bemaanii" mazaaq pasand aataa hai yaa nahiiN.
> uf, yeh hijr kii shab kaa jaaN-gudaaz sannaaTaa
> sun rahaa hooN aise meiN rooh ki fuGhaaN tanhaa
"uf!" kyaa dard hai!
is sh'er se mujhe apnii ek "chaaloo" Ghazal kaa matla yaad
aa gayaa, ijaazat ho to sunaata chalooN? --
kaun kahtaa hai k iskii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
ishq meiN kyaa kabhi aah-O-fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii?
Of course, it is NOWHERE near as good as the sh'er that
reminded me of it.
> ho agar ijaazat to saath ho chaleN ham bhi
> ziNdagii ke saihraa meiN jaao ge kahaaN tanhaa???
wah-waa! yeh to wahii baat huii k
tire naazuk haseeN qadmoN ke neeche, ham_safar mere
jahaaN hogaa koii kaaNTaa wahaaN maiN dil bichhaa dooNgaa
aur agar maiN kisii aur laa`iq nahiiN to sirf isii liye
mujhe apne saath le lo k mere dil kii ba_daulat tumhaare pair
aabloN se mahfooz raheN!
> qaafile bahaaroN ke chal diye kaheeN 'Parvez'
> gulshan-e-mohabbat meiN reh gayee KhizaaN tanhaa!!!
FABULOUS!!! wallaah kyaa baat hai! bahut Khoob. merii haqeer
raaye meiN yahii sh'er haasil-e-Ghazal qaraar paataa hai.
The reason I liked this sh'er so much is that it reminded me
of this poem, "Success", by Emily Dickinson that I read in
(middle) school, and which goes:
Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
Not one of all the purple host
Who took the flag today
Can tell the definition,
So clear of victory,
As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Break, agonized and clear!
(Even I am amazed that I remember every word of this poem!!!)
Parvez saahib kii Ghazal meiN bhii kuchh aisii hii baat hai, except
he has turned it upside down. jis ne kabhii Khushii mahsoos nahiiN
kii, woh ranj-o-Gham-o-dard ke "aslii maanii" se qatai waaqif nahiN
ho saktaa. yaa yooN kaheN k ranj-o-Gham ko Khud, "apnaa sikkaa
manvaane ke liye", Khushii kii zaroorat paRtii hai. ain isii tarah
KhizaaN ko bhii gulshan meiN apne naam se daihshat phailaane ke
liye pehle bahaar(oN) kaa sahaaraa lenaa paRtaa hai! warnaa koii
sunsaan aur veeraan biyaabaan bhii kabhii KhizaaN se Khauf_zad
huaa hai, bhalaa?
BTW, RK saahib, just take a look at the absolutely amazing
use of the thing they call "transferred epithet" in the third-to-last
and the last line of Emily Dickinson's poem! I don't think this
technique has been employed much in classical Urdu shaayari (or
has it???). Modern poets like Gulzar have tried to employ it more
often, but their use of it has been quite unsuccessful. Then again,
perhaps Gulzar's lack of success with transferred epithets is more
due to his employment of bizarre metaphors than anything else.
But, I ought not to ramble like this ... ...
> mujhe baRe afsos ke saath kehna paR rahaa hai k Parvez Saahib aaj kal
> roo-ba-sehat naheeN haiN aur Hindustaani Panjaab ke aek chhoTe se
> qasbe meiN gosha-nisheenii iKhtiyaar kiye huye haiN. na kaheeN aate
> haiN na jaate haiN, bas apni aek chhoTi si poti (jo k balaa ki
> dil-kash-o-dil-aaraa guRiyaa hai) ke saath khelte rehte haiN!
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
bhagwaan se praarthnaa hai k Parvez saahib ko sehatmandii aur
daraaz umr ataa farmaaye. aap se guzaarish hai k aap unkaa AUR
kalaam ALUP par pesh kareN. unkii yeh Ghazal sunaane kaa, phir ek
baar, shukriyaa!
muKhlis,
UVR.
UVR
agarche aap yahaaN RK saahib se muKhaatib haiN, aap ke Khat
meiN mujhe ek-do jagah "apne kaam kii baat" nazar aayi; isii
liye haazir ho rahaa hooN.
> [... second sh'er ...]
> Its very nice, but I would be interested in knowing how you interpret this
> sh'er... the understanding I have of it made me really appreciate it :)
aap ne yeh to likhaa nahiiN k aap kii understanding kyaa hai!!! :)
maiN aap kii jagah hotaa to sirf sh'er #2 hi nahiiN balke tamaam
Ghazal par hii RK saahib se tabsare kii guzaarish kartaa. Khair,
aap ke kaNdhe par is darKhwaast kii bandooq kii nalii rakh kar
us kaa ghoRaa ab dabaaye detaa hooN ... :))
By the way, mere zehn ke kisi kone meiN na jaane kyoN yeh baat uTh
rahii hai k RK saahib aapkii-hamaarii baat Thukraa na deN -- I would
*love* to read his take on Parvez saahib's Ghazal, from a purely
literary viewpoint (i.e., not as a younger brother of the poet), but
I don't know if he will post one here.
> vaise hamei.n is ghazal ka radeef pasand aayaa. I know its strange to like
> a RADEEF of a ghazal, I dont know why i like the word "tanhaa". hamein
> yaqiin hai ki is radeef pe kai aur ghazlei.n bhi likhi gai ho.ngi, magar
> hamare dimaagh mein savaal ye uThtaa hai ki kya aapne kabhi is radeef pe koi
> ghazal likhi hai? would love to hear it if you have written it. just to be
> clear: ham is ghazal kii zamiin kii baat nahin kar rahe hain, sirf radeef
> kii.
My, my ... aren't *we* a fountain of questions? And great ones, too!
aap ne radeef pasand karne kii jo baat kii hai, darasl yahii woh baat
hai jis ne mujhe aap ki post ke jawaab meiN haazir hone par majboor
kiyaa. baat yeh hai k Parvez saahib ki Ghazal (aur uskaa radeef)
paRhte hii meraa dhyaan besaaKhtaa us Ghazal kii jaanib khiNch gayaa,
jo maiN ne 1994/95 meiN "accidentally" All India Radio ke Delhi 'B'
station par "channel-surfing" karte-karte sunii thii. Ghazal ko us
din koii saahib baRii madhur aavaaz meiN gaa rahe the. us Ghazal
kaa bhii radeef "tanhaa" thaa, aur chooN.k aap hii kii tarah mujhe
bhii yeh lafz bahut pasand aayaa thaa, woh Ghazal mere naacheez zehn
ne "save" kar lii -- words, tune and all!
aap bhii mulaahiza farmaaiye:
saari duniyaa ke sitam aur miraa dil tanhaa
maiN ne jheli hai zamaane meiN yeh mushkil tanhaa
sab ne hangaamaa-e-mehfil ke maze looTe haiN
rah gayii sham'a bechaarii, sar-e-mehfil, tanhaa!!!
kab talak Theek na hogaa Gham-e-dauraaN kaa mizaaj
ham hii baiThe haiN zamaane ke muqaabil, tanhaa!
ab kisii rahbar-e-manzil kii tamannaa bhi nahiiN
maiN akelaa huuN musaafir, miri manzil tanhaa!!
That's it. Short and 'sweet', no? dukh is baat kaa nahiiN k
deegar Ghazal-gaane-waaloN kii tarah un saahib ne bhii radio
par us din sirf chaar sh'er pesh kiye, afsos is baat kaa hai
k channel surfing ki wajah se na maiN un saahib kaa naam hii
sun paayaa, aur na Ghazal ke shaa'ir kaa naam hi jaan paayaa. :(
ab agar kisii ALUPer ko in sawaaloN ke jawaab maaloom hoN, to
dast-basta guzaarish hai k yahaaN post kar deN!
> all in all, it was a wonderful ghazal, and please, don't hesitate to post
> some more of Parvez sahib's work. for the fans of urdu poetry like myself,
> its a treasure to cherish these poems, especially when they are so
> beautifully written.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
fqt,
UVR.
Amit Malhotra
sorry for the delay in my response.. but I was hoping that before I
answer, RK sahib will post his thoughts on Parvez sahib's ghazal, but
alas! didn't happen. :)
> By the way, mere zehn ke kisi kone meiN na jaane kyoN yeh baat uTh
> rahii hai k RK saahib aapkii-hamaarii baat Thukraa na deN -- I would
> *love* to read his take on Parvez saahib's Ghazal, from a purely
> literary viewpoint (i.e., not as a younger brother of the poet), but
> I don't know if he will post one here.
this is what i was waiting for too.. but :( About my understanding on
that sh'er, well.. jaane dijiye :D
> My, my ... aren't *we* a fountain of questions? And great ones, too!
ji.. bilkul.. ham to savaalo.n ke "fuuvvare" hain ;-) hahaha..
> kaa bhii radeef "tanhaa" thaa, aur chooN.k aap hii kii tarah mujhe
> bhii yeh lafz bahut pasand aayaa thaa, woh Ghazal mere naacheez zehn
> ne "save" kar lii -- words, tune and all!
daad deni paregii aapki zehni hard-drive kii.. information baRi
aasaani se save ho gai us par :) yahaa.N par really sab ka haafiza
itna acchaa hai.. I wish my memory was good too :(
> kab talak Theek na hogaa Gham-e-dauraaN kaa mizaaj
> ham hii baiThe haiN zamaane ke muqaabil, tanhaa!
>
aray waah! dil kii baat bol dii is sh'er ne. Sometimes, when you read
a sh'er, it feels like it says what's in ur heart.. this one is one of
those! beautiful.
> k channel surfing ki wajah se na maiN un saahib kaa naam hii
> sun paayaa, aur na Ghazal ke shaa'ir kaa naam hi jaan paayaa. :(
>
I would love to know also who wrote it and if there are any other
sh'er in this ghazal...
Thank you very much UVR sahib for posting that ghazal .. it was very
kind of you.
Best Regards,
Amit Malhotra
Raj Kumar
>
> :tash'heer:? yeh kyaa farmaayaa aap ne! bhaa'ee aisee cheezeN
> navaadiraat se haiN aur hamaaraa.aapkaa farz hai k jahaaN tak mumkin
> ho in ko meHfooz kar jaayeN- alup ke :archives: meiN hee sahee!
Sarwar Saahib:
aap ka yeh kehna bilkul bajaa hai k hameN in navaadiraat ko kisi na
kisi jagah zaroor mehfooz kar jaana chaahiye. magar jahaaN tak
kalaam-e-Parvez ki baat hai voh to pehle hi se chaar adad she'ri
majmoo'oN ki soorat meiN maNzir-e-aam par aa chukaa hai aur aek tarah
se mehfooz ho chukaa hai --- shafaq-zaar (1959), jaada-o-manzil
(1962), KhwaaboN ke gulaab (1979) aur irfaan-e-mohabbat (1991)!
albatta, yeh alag baat hai k, chooN-k beshtar ALUPers un kitaaboN tak
rasaaii naheeN rakhte, is liye hameN aise navaadiraat ko
gaahe-ba-gaahe yahaaN par 'post' karte rehna chaahiye.
> Ghazal bohat pasand aayee, Khusoosan yeh sher k :
>
> ho agar ijaazat to saath ho chaleN ham bhee
> zindigee ke seHraa meiN jaa'oge kahaaN tanhaa!
>
> subHaan.Allah!!
Ghazal pasaNd farmaane ke liye, aur is she'r par Khusoosi taur se daad
dene ke liye, aap ka bahut bahut shukriya!
>
> aap se matle ke baare meiN savaal hai. kyaa yeh saHeeH likhaa gayaa
> hai yaa is meiN ko'ee baat reh gayee hai? mojooda soorat meiN to
> matalab yooN ban rahaa hai k : dil kaa dard hee dil kee daastaaN
> samajhtaa hai aur le de kar yehee dard.e.dil apnaa raazdaaN reh gayaa
> hai.: yaa meree samajh meiN ko'ee kotaahee hai?
yeh Ghazal 'KhwaaboN ke gulaab' meiN se hai aur maiN ne ise vaheeN se
naql kiya hai. matle ki tehreer meiN koi Ghalati naheeN hai aur na hi
aap ki samajh meiN koi kotaahii hai. ba-zaahir, zaraa vazaahat ki
zaroorat hai ---- voh yeh k yahaaN par 'dard-e-dil' ko 'personify'
kiyaa hai aur use apna raaz-daaN qaraar diya hai!
maiN, Ravindra Saahib ke Khat ka javaab dete huye, is baat par mazeed
kuchh kahooN ga; aap bhi dekh leejiye ga.
>
> Parvez saaheb kaa aur kalaam aap per vaajib rahaa!
chaliye, to agar aap ka yihi hukm hai to maiN kisi din un ki koi aur
Ghazal aap sab ki Khidmat meiN pesh karooN ga.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> Respected Raj Kumar Sahib,
>
> ghazal bahut pasand aaii, post karne ke liye bahut shukriya. I also hope
> that Parvez sahib will be better soon. I wanted to just comment that his
> writing style seems quite different from yours. Of course, just because he
> is your brother doesnt mean his style will be the same as yours. I don't
> know why, but I particularly like your style of writing urdu poetry, I read
> your ghazals often and I really like them, the more I read them, the more I
> appreciate them.
Amit Saahib:
aap ne to aek hi saaNs meiN sau savaal poochh Daale! bhai, jahaaN tak
'style' ki baat hai, voh to har kisi ka apna apna hota hai --- aur
hona bhi chaahiye. yeh baat koi 'genetic' to hai naheeN k saare
behn-bhaaii aek jaisa socheN aur aek jaisa kareN. baat to apni apni
taba' ki hai --- aur, kisi had tak, un "asaraat" ki hai jo, aap ke
mutaal'ye se aur aap ke tajarubaat se, aap ke tarz-e-taKhaiyyul ko aur
aap ke tarz-e-bayaaN ko nikhaarte aur saNvaarte haiN!
maiN aur Parvez tab tak ikaTThe rahe jab k maiN 17 baras ka tha aur
voh 20 ke. us ke ba'ad, voh aek saNjeeda insaan aur aek saNjeeda
shaa'ir ho gaye --- shaa'iri meiN unhoN ne janaab-e-Abr Aihsani Saahib
ki shaagirdi iKhtiyaar ki aur un ke adabi asaraat vafaa-daari se
qubool kiye. yahaaN tak k Abr Saahib (jin ke k "darjanoN" shaagird
the) ne aek maqaam par farmaaya k
Khoob hai Abr kalaam-e-Parvez
MERA aNdaaz-e-suKhan ho jaise!
aur saath hi saath (apne mut'addid shaagirdoN ka havaala dete huye)
kahaa k "maiN ne is poori FAUJ meiN sirf Parvez hi aise haiN jin ka
zikr nazm meiN kiyaa hai"!!!
Abr Saahib ke is maqte ke ba'ad, bahut se log kehne lage k "Abr saahib
ne Parvez ko apna "jaa-nisheen" Thaihraaya hai", magar Parvez the k
aaj tak is jumle se hichkichaate rahe!
ba-Khilaaf is ke, maiN science ki taraf chalaa gayaa aur ziNdagi bhar
ke liye "mathematical precision" ka garveeda ho gayaa --- magar, kyaa
karooN, maiN fitratan aek "bhaaND" tha aur saari umr "bhaaND" hi
rahaa!!!!!
maiN ne na to kisi ki shaagirdi ki aur na hi kisi se kuchh seekha,
kiyooN-k shaa'iri meri maNzil naheeN thi. bas, 1993 meiN, jab k meri
retirement ko kul paaNch baras reh gaye the to maiN ne socha k
"miyaaN, apni retirement ke ba'ad kyaa karo ge"? yeh sochte hi, Ghaib
se sadaa ayee k "abe ghan-chakkar, tum kisi aur kaam ke aihl to ho
naheeN, to phir kiyooN na shaa'iri iKhtiyaar karo"! :-))
That is when I decided to venture into this field and was
wonder-struck to note that anything worthwhile that I had EVER read or
heard in Urdu poetry was frozen somewhere in my memory and I had no
difficulty thawing it up!
ba-har-haal, ham dono bhaaiyon meiN aek baat mushtarik hai --- voh yeh
k ham dono she'r kehte vaqt "lafzoN ke inteKhaab" par bahut vaqt sarf
karte haiN. I don't exactly about Parvez but, for myself, I can say
that I spend about 40% of my time and effort in refining my thought
process and about 60% in polishing my expression --- maqaam-e-shukr
hai k I spend hardly any time worrying about 'baihr', which
unfortunately baffles so many of my well-meaning friends!
ab agar aap ko mera aNdaaz-e-suKhan muqaabiltan ziyaada pasaNd hai to
maiN kyaa keh sakta hooN? jahaaN tak meri samajh kaam karti hai, is
baat ki zimme-daari aap par aa'id hoti hai, na k mujh par! :-))
> Now, coming back to Parvez sahib's ghazal, I really liked
> the maqta of this ghazal. I also liked the second sh'er of this ghazal.
> Its very nice, but I would be interested in knowing how you interpret this
> sh'er... the understanding I have of it made me really appreciate it :)
is Ghazal ka maqta hai hi aisa k dil hilaa deta hai. apne Ravindra
Saahib ne to ise "haasil-e-Ghazal" qaraar diya hai aur mujhe un ki is
raaye se qata'an iKhtelaaf naheeN hai! magar jahaaN tak is Ghazal ke
doosre she'r ki baat hai, aap ne yeh to bataaya hi naheeN k aap ki
'take' is she'r par kyaa hai? is soorat meiN, maiN to yihi kahooN ga k
meri 'interpretation' AIN vuhi hai jo k aap ki hai! LOL
dekha aap ne, Amit Saahib? huzoor, agar aap apne aap ko is khel meiN
'taaq' samajhte haiN to, ba-Khudaa, "ham bhi kisi se kam naheeN"!
LOL, balke ROTFL
ba-har-haal, maiN is she'r par kuchh mazeed kahooN ga jab k Ravindra
Saahib ke Khat ka javaab dooN ga. aap us javaab ko paRhna na bhooliye
ga!
> vaise hamei.n is ghazal ka radeef pasand aayaa. I know it's strange to like
> a RADEEF of a ghazal, I dont know why i like the word "tanhaa". hamein
> yaqiin hai ki is radeef pe kai aur ghazlei.n bhi likhi gai ho.ngi, magar
> hamare dimaagh mein savaal ye uThtaa hai ki kya aap ne kabhi is radeef pe koi
> ghazal likhi hai? would love to hear it if you have written it. just to be
> clear: ham is ghazal kii zamiin kii baat nahin kar rahe hain, sirf radeef
> kii.
I got your point very clearly, and I am not surprised at all that you
liked this radeef. is baat ki vajaheN kayee ho sakti haiN?
aek to yeh k aap in dinoN tanhaa haiN --- sorry, Sir, :-((
doosre yeh k aap kabhi tanhaa rahe haiN,
teesre yeh k aap ki 'imagination' meiN is qadar "jaagriti" hai k aap
tanhaa na hote huye bhi apne aap ko tanhaa tasavvur kar sakte haiN ---
believe me, I myself am that kind of a person! is zimn meiN, aap ne
yeh muhaavara to suna hi hoga --- "bheeR meiN akela"! :-))
Have you or haven't you?
B/W, yeh muhaavara mere aek "saaNDoo" saahib (ya'ani-k, ham-zulf), jo
k Hindi ke kavi haiN, un ki aek maze-daar kahaani ka unvaan hai!!!
In any case, Amit Saahib, yihi ta'areef to hai achchhi "rasoomiyaati"
shaa'iri ki k use paRh kar har koi apne aap ko usi haalat meiN mehsoos
kar sakta hai jis haalat meiN k Khud shaa'ir tha --- aur yeh
"vaaq'eaati" shaa'iri (jis ka DhaNDora hamaare Zafar Saahib peeT rahe
haiN) ASSUME karti hai (and very arrogantly so!) k tajruba chaahe kisi
ka bhi ho magar, kisi soorat, aap aur ham ise sun kar 'vaah, vaah'
kareN! azeez-e-man, aisa aksar-auqaat naheeN hota --- aur agar hota
bhi hai to vaqti taur par hota hai --- davaami taur par naheeN!
ab aap ka yeh savaal k kyaa maiN ne kabhi is radeef meiN Ghazal kahi
hai ya naheeN --- the answer is, no! magar ab jii chahata hai k
aek-aadh Ghazal is DhaNg ki keh hi DaalooN. agar kabhi aisa kar sakaa
to, believe me, --- you'll be the first one to hear!
>
> all in all, it was a wonderful ghazal, and please, don't hesitate to post
> some more of Parvez sahib's work; for the fans of urdu poetry like myself,
> its a treasure to cherish these poems, especially when they are so
> beautifully written.
I am indeed overwhelmed by your response to this Ghazal. maiN zaroor
koshish karooN ga k gaahe-ba-gaahe Parvez Saahib ka kalaam aap tak
pahuNchaata rahooN
--- and, knowing you, kabhi kabhi Khud apni tuk-baNdi bhi aap ko
sunaata rahooN!
Right?
Khair-aNdesh, Raj kumar
Raj Kumar
> >
> > [... second sh'er ...]
> > Its very nice, but I would be interested in knowing how you interpret this
> > sh'er... the understanding I have of it made me really appreciate it :)
>
> aap ne yeh to likhaa nahiiN k aap kii understanding kyaa hai!!! :)
> maiN aap kii jagah hotaa to sirf sh'er #2 hi nahiiN balke tamaam
> Ghazal par hii RK saahib se tabsare kii guzaarish kartaa. Khair,
> aap ke kaNdhe par is darKhwaast kii bandooq kii nalii rakh kar
> us kaa ghoRaa ab dabaaye detaa hooN ... :))
>
> By the way, mere zehn ke kisi kone meiN na jaane kyoN yeh baat uTh
> rahii hai k RK saahib aapkii-hamaarii baat Thukraa na deN -- I would
> *love* to read his take on Parvez saahib's Ghazal, from a purely
> literary viewpoint (i.e., not as a younger brother of the poet), but
> I don't know if he will post one here.
>
>
Ravindra Saahib aur Amit Saahib:
bhai, sachchi baat to yeh hai k maiN biraadar-e-mohtaram Parvez Saahib
ki is Ghazal par "bharpoor" tabsara karne se hichkichaa rahaa hooN,
kiyooN-k agar maiN is Ghazal ki ta'areef karooN to sho'hda lagooN ga
aur agar naqs nikaalooN to (apne Khaandaan ka) Ghaddaar kehlaaooN ga!
is liye, behtar yihi hoga k maiN faqat ikka-dukka maqaamaat par
raaye-zani karooN, aur bas!
aur yeh raaye-zani maiN us Khat meiN karooN ga jo k Ravindra Saahib ke
Khat ke javaaab meiN likkhoN ga. B/W, mera "yeh Khat" abhi "voh Khat"
naheeN hai!
> My, my ... aren't *we* a fountain of questions? And great ones, too!
You call it a "fountain of questions"? bhai, hamaare haaN to ise
"pavaaRe di jaR" kahaa jaata hai! LOL LOL LOL
Ravindra Saahib, aap ko hairat hogi k jo Ghazal aap ne 1994/95 meiN
suni hai, (Ghaaliban, vuhi Ghazal) maiN ne koi 1960's meiN suni thi.
ab sau-fee-sadi 'sure' to naheeN hooN magar itna zroor keh sakta hooN
k us Ghazal ki yihi baihr thi, yihi radeef AUR YIHI QAAFIYA the!
shaa'ir koi Ghair-ma'aroof sa tha, is liye maiN ne ziyaada dhayaan
naheeN diya
--- magar jab us maahir-e-fann ne maNdarja-zail she'r paRhaa aur
mushaa'ira hil sa gayaa to meri aaNkh khuli k yeh kyaa huaa hai? mere
dost, jin ke saath maiN vahaaN par gayaa tha, bole k "Doctor Saahib,
baRe Ghazab ka sh'er huaa hai; aap zaraa suniye to"! itni der meiN,
kyaa sunta hooN k har taraf se mukarrar, mukarrar ki aaavaazeN bulaNd
ho rahee haiN aur shaa'ir-e-mausoof ne apne she'r ko dohraaya. maiN to
bas Dagmagaa sa gayaa voh she'r sun kar --- aur ab aap sabhi ko
da'avat hai voh she'r sun_ne ki aur ain meri tarah Dagmagaane ki!!!
huzoor farmaate haiN k
sab ke hoNToN pe tabassum tha mire qatl ke ba'ad!
pleeeeeeeeeeease savor this misra before I quote the full she'r! I
hope, you did that! :-)) to yeh rahaa poora she'r:
sab ke hoNtoN pe tabassum tha mire qatl ke ba'ad
jaane, kis baat pe rotaa rahaa qaatil tanhaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
>
> R K Sb, aadaab!
>
> Parvez Sb kii is umdah Ghazal se navaazne ke liye meraa pur-Khuluus
> shukriya qubuul kiijiye! kyaa baat hai! Ghazal behad pasand aayii!
> saadah alfaaz meN taKhayyul kii jo gahraaii piroii hayii hai, vo
> qaabil-e-deed hai.
Irfaan Saahib:
maiN aap ka be-had mamnoon hooN k aap ne Parvez Bhaaii ki is Ghazal ko
pasaNd farmaaya aur, is Ghazal ke baare meiN, Khaaksaar ko apne
qeemati ta'assuraat se aagaah kiya.
> is Ghazal kii baihr ko bhii maiN apnii haaliyah
> Ghazal kii bahr kii tarah :nisbatan kamyaab magar behad dilkash:
> vaalii qism meN shumaar kartaa huuN. mumkin hai is kaa baais merii
> mahduud maaluumaat hoN. kam-az-kam mere yahaaN is kaa istemaal bahut
> kam huaa hai, lehaazah jo ikkaa dukkaa aisii GhazaleN kahiiN haiN, un
> kaa yaad rah jaanaa qudratii baat hai.
aap ka farmaaan solah-aanne bajaa hai k yeh baihr koi 'umoomi' baihr
naheeN hai, phir bhi aap ka yeh 'kathan' sun kar
[you see, I know some Hindi too!] :-))
is faqeer-e-be-taqseer ko kayee GhazaleN yaad aa gayeeN jo k isi
naadir baihr meiN kahi gayee haiN; maslan,
zikr us pari-vash kaa aur phir bayaaN apnaa (Ghaalib)
dard ki davaa paaii, dar be-davaa paayaa (Ghaalib)
mustaqil hai Khaamoshi, mustaqil hai tanhaaii (Yaad Dehlavi)
roz ki masaaafat se choor ho gaye daryaa (Ahmed Faraaz)
ilm-o-fan ke deevaane aashiqii se Darte haiN (Khumaar B.)
aap yaad aate the, aap yaad aate haiN (Parvez)
ham to dushmanoN se bhi dushmani naheeN karte (Parvez)
voh nigaah-e-mastaanaa kuchh jhukii si jaati hai (?)
and many many more!
> Parvez Sb kii is Ghazal ne
> mujhe apnii ek Ghazal kii be-saaKhtah yaad dilaa dii. Matlaa
> mulaahizah farmaaiye, baaqii Ghazal :phir sahii:.
>
> chhoR kar zamaane ko ab jahaaN ham aaye haiN
> us jagah hamiiN ham haiN, yaa hamaare saaye haiN
maasha-Allah, Irfaan Saahib, aap ka yeh matla to "qaihr-aalood!" hai.
bhai, ab der kis baat ki hai? ho jaaye yeh Ghazal! maiN aap ko yaqeen
dilaataa hooN k jo bhi 'zee-hosh' shaKhs is Ghazal ko paRhe ga aap ko
laakh laakh du'aayeN de ga ............ I guarantee it!!!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Amit Malhotra
namaste
> hona bhi chaahiye. yeh baat koi 'genetic' to hai naheeN k saare
> behn-bhaaii aek jaisa socheN aur aek jaisa kareN. baat to apni apni
vahi to ham kah rahe the ... ki style alag hi hota hai.. vaise i just made a
general comment saying that the style of poetry was very different, i didnt
mean to say that style should be same ..
> maiN ne na to kisi ki shaagirdi ki aur na hi kisi se kuchh seekha,
> kiyooN-k shaa'iri meri maNzil naheeN thi. bas, 1993 meiN, jab k meri
> retirement ko kul paaNch baras reh gaye the to maiN ne socha k
> "miyaaN, apni retirement ke ba'ad kyaa karo ge"? yeh sochte hi, Ghaib
> se sadaa ayee k "abe ghan-chakkar, tum kisi aur kaam ke aihl to ho
> naheeN, to phir kiyooN na shaa'iri iKhtiyaar karo"! :-))
ye aapne BAHUT acchha kiyaa ki shaa'iri iKhtiyaar kar lii.. agar naa karte
to itnii besh-qiimatii ghazlei.n jo aap likh rahei.n hai.n.. vo hame.n paRne
ko kahaaN miltii?? bhagwaan jo kartaa hai acchaa hi kartaa hai.. aapko
shaa'iri kii taraf moRaa.. shukr hai :)
> process and about 60% in polishing my expression --- maqaam-e-shukr
> hai k I spend hardly any time worrying about 'baihr', which
> unfortunately baffles so many of my well-meaning friends!
dekhiye na.. mujhe yahii to mushkil hai ki mai.n baihr ko nahii.n samajh
paataa .. bas thorii si practice kii zaruurat hai, i'm sure that i'll be
able to reach a point when I wont have to worry about baihr much but just
worry about words.. but to reach even the point where i have to worry about
baihr before writing anything, a lot needs to be done.. ham vaise rukne
vaale nahiin hain...ek na ek din, dhang kaa kuchh likh kar hii pesh
kareinge..
> is Ghazal ka maqta hai hi aisa k dil hilaa deta hai. apne Ravindra
> Saahib ne to ise "haasil-e-Ghazal" qaraar diya hai aur mujhe un ki is
> raaye se qata'an iKhtelaaf naheeN hai! magar jahaaN tak is Ghazal ke
mujhe bhii nahii.N! bilkul, haasil-e-Ghazal is an apt title for the maqtaa
> doosre she'r ki baat hai, aap ne yeh to bataaya hi naheeN k aap ki
> 'take' is she'r par kyaa hai? is soorat meiN, maiN to yihi kahooN ga k
> meri 'interpretation' AIN vuhi hai jo k aap ki hai! LOL
haha!! chalein theeq hai, maan lete hai.N .. vaise hamei.n abhii bhii UVR
saahib ke khat ke "US" javaab kaa intezaar hai jisme aap kuchh kahne vaale
hai.n ghazal par..
> dekha aap ne, Amit Saahib? huzoor, agar aap apne aap ko is khel meiN
> 'taaq' samajhte haiN to, ba-Khudaa, "ham bhi kisi se kam naheeN"!
> LOL, balke ROTFL
jahan tak "ham bhi kisi se kam nahiiN" ka savaal hai.. vo to hamein pataa hi
hai... aap ka jaavaab nahin
> aek to yeh k aap in dinoN tanhaa haiN --- sorry, Sir,
(
> doosre yeh k aap kabhi tanhaa rahe haiN,
> teesre yeh k aap ki 'imagination' meiN is qadar "jaagriti" hai k aap
> tanhaa na hote huye bhi apne aap ko tanhaa tasavvur kar sakte haiN ---
> believe me, I myself am that kind of a person! is zimn meiN, aap ne
> yeh muhaavara to suna hi hoga --- "bheeR meiN akela"! :-))
> Have you or haven't you?
jahaan tak tanhaai ka savaal uThtaa hai, kaafii alag alag tariiqe kii tanhaaii hotii hai.. but out of all three options, I pick number three suiting me the best.. hamare takhayyul mein vaise tanhaii ek aisa maqaam hai jahaan par pahunchne mein hamein koi der nahin lagtii.. aur "bheeR mei.N akela" to bilkul baja farmaayaa aapne.. yeh muhaavara sunaa bhi hai, aur apne par lagoo bhi lagta hai.. i kinda understand why i like the radeef tanhaa.. i dont if you remember my lame attempt at poetry about 2 years ago and if you do remember, you might remember that the topic was "tanhaii"... perhaps i'll fix that one up and make it my first proper ghazal... :-) I love the topic of course: "tanhaaii"... and I have noticed that so far all the ghazals posted with the radeef "tanhaa" were really nice!!
> In any case, Amit Saahib, yihi ta'areef to hai achchhi "rasoomiyaati"
> shaa'iri ki k use paRh kar har koi apne aap ko usi haalat meiN mehsoos
> kar sakta hai jis haalat meiN k Khud shaa'ir tha --- aur yeh
> "vaaq
'eaati" shaa'iri (jis ka DhaNDora hamaare Zafar Saahib peeT rahe
> haiN) ASSUME karti hai (and very arrogantly so!) k tajruba chaahe kisi
> ka bhi ho magar, kisi soorat, aap aur ham ise sun kar 'vaah, vaah'
> kareN! azeez-e-man, aisa aksar-auqaat naheeN hota --- aur agar hota
> bhi hai to vaqti taur par hota hai --- davaami taur par naheeN!
vaise i have to say that vaaq'eaati shaa'iri has its own charm.. and you are
right, the feeling stays temporarily.. but some vaaq'eaati poetry leaves a
mark on you, perhaps you can also, in some way, imagine being in that
situation and feel it, just like the poet felt it. I guess its the way the
poem will be recited or created that will make the difference. ab dekhiye
naa, jise kahnaa aataa hai, vo vaaq'eaatii sh'er, ghazal, ya nazm bhii is
tariiqe se kahega ki bas sun ne vaalaa us vaaq'eaat ko apne aap se hotaa
mahsoos kare.. a time where the artist and the audience becomes one! (I
liked Rasaa Sutaraa so much that I always make these analogies).. and when
the audience can feel what the artist felt through his words, the feeling is
not "vaqti" any more, but becomes "davaami" ... in the same line of thought,
if you have read Sahir Ludhianvi ever, would you consider his poetry to be
vaaq'eaati.. just like Faiz?? anybody else reading this would care to
elaborate on this topic? seems like most of the time, ye nazmei.n
vaaq'eaati roop le leti hai.n, aur ghazlei.n, rasoomiyaatii...
> ab aap ka yeh savaal k kyaa maiN ne kabhi is radeef meiN Ghazal kahi
> hai ya naheeN --- the answer is, no! magar ab jii chahata hai k
> aek-aadh Ghazal is DhaNg ki keh hi DaalooN. agar kabhi aisa kar sakaa
> to, believe me, --- you'll be the first one to hear!
>
please sir, der na kariyegaa!! kah hi dijiye aur hamein bhi sunaa dijiye
> I am indeed overwhelmed by your response to this Ghazal. maiN zaroor
> koshish karooN ga k gaahe-ba-gaahe Parvez Saahib ka kalaam aap tak
> pahuNchaata rahooN
> --- and, knowing you, kabhi kabhi Khud apni tuk-baNdi bhi aap ko
> sunaata rahooN!
> Right?
ye to "neki aur puuchh puuchh" vaalii baat hui sir.... aap ka kalaam paRne
ke liye to ham hamesha hi taiyaar rahte hain.. vo jis andaaz se aap itne
khuubsuurat magar siidhe saadhe alfaaz ist'emaal kar ke apnii ghazalo.n
mei.n rang bharte hai.n.. us andaaz ka kiaa kahnaa!!
Best Regards
Amit Malhotra
Amit Malhotra
> sab ke hoNToN pe tabassum tha mire qatl ke ba'ad!
>
> pleeeeeeeeeeease savor this misra before I quote the full she'r! I
> hope, you did that! :-)) to yeh rahaa poora she'r:
>
> sab ke hoNtoN pe tabassum tha mire qatl ke ba'ad
> jaane, kis baat pe rotaa rahaa qaatil tanhaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow!!! amazing .. sahi kahaa aapne.... sh'er ne hilaa diyaa! (the number of
exclamation marks after the second misra are soooooo appropriate) ... waah,
thank you so much for recallign the sh'er.. now did you say it was part of
the same ghazal as the one UVR sahib recited??
Amit Malhotra
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
>
> meri "zid" maan kar Parvez saahib kii yeh Khoobsoorat Ghazal
> ALUP par post karne kaa shukriyaa. deegar ALUPers kii hii
> tarah mujhe bhi yeh Ghazal bahut pasand aayii. aap se guzaarish
> hai k ek Dibbe meN Dher saari 'waah-waah'eN, 'bahut Khoob',
> 'vallaah! kyaa baat hai', waGairaah band kar ke, use ek achchhe
> se wrapping paper se wrap kar(waa) deN aur us meiN sehatmandii
> ki duaaoN kaa ek adad "bow" lagaa kar merii jaanib se Parvez saahib
> ko pahuNchaa deN.
Ravindra Saahib:
mujhe aap ke Khat ka javaab dene meiN bahut der lag gayee kiyooN-k,
beech meiN, kayee 'diversions' aur kayee 'digressions' haa'il hoti
raheeN. aaj socha k yeh farz-e-Khair nipTaa hi dooN to achchha hai,
varna baat bahut hi baasi ho jaaye gi!
aap ne Parvez Saahib ki Ghazal ko pasaNd farmaaya aur, daad-dehi ke
saath saath, un ki sehat-yaabi ke liye du'aayeN bhi bheejeN --- in
dono baatoN ke liye, aap ka bahut bahut shukriya!
>
>
> aap kii "tash_heer" waalii baat ke baare meiN maiN sirf itnaa
> kahooNgaa k aap (aur Sarwar saahib) jaisoN kaa to FARZ bantaa
> hai k aap kii nazar se jis kisii shaa'ir kaa bhii achchhaa kalaam
> guzre, aap use ALUP par pesh kareN, phir chaahe woh achchhaa
> shaa'ir aap ke baRe bhaa`ii hoN, aap ke Khaandaan ke buzurg,
> yaa phir aap ke beTaa/beTii/potaa/naati!
huzoor, bhaaiyoN aur buzurgoN tak to Theek hai magar, jahaaN par Urdu
shaa'iri ka savaal hai, vahaaN apne beTe-beTiyoN se ya pote-potiyoN se
ya naate-naatiYoN se aisi ummeed rakhna be-sood hai. door to kyaa
jaana hai, aap dekhiye k abhi haal hi meiN aek hazrat ne ALUP par aek
so-called "Ghazal" chaspaaN ki hai aur aap un ki deeda-dileri to
dekhiye k sabhi maahireen-e-fann ko da'avat-e-amal di hai k voh is
so-called "Ghazal" ko parkheN aur is par apni aalimaana raaye baham
pahuNchaayeN ---
aur kyaa bataaooN aap ko, Ravindra ji, us so-called "Ghazal" ke "bol"
itne "anmol" haiN k ---
sorry, even this Khaaksaar (who has absolutely no compunction
regarding himself as the most "saNjeeda AlUpiya" in the world!)
couldn't help LOLing!!! ROTFL
dekhiye, kyaa aNdaaz hai! farmaate haiN k
rahguzar par thaa maiN jab, to ghar tanhaa!
ab aap hi bataaiye, qibla, k koi sir-pair haiN is satar ke --- aur
agar aap ki taba'-e-naazuk par baar na guzre to yeh bhi note keejiye k
is faqeer-e-be-taqseer ne, k azal hi se be-gaana-e-tehreer-o-taqreer
rahaa ha, is jumle ko "satar" kahaa hai kiyooN-k,
baa-vujood-e-iKhlaas-e-baahami, yeh "ahqar" is "satar" ko "misra"
kehne ki himmat naheeN kar paaya! huzoor, jab yeh aalam hai aaj kal ke
"Khud-saaKhta aur zo'm-girafta" shaa'iroN ka to aap bhalaa hamaare
ma'asoom bachche-bachchiyoN se kyaa tavaqqo' rakh sakte haiN. ROTFL
haaN, itna zaroor kahooN ga k, bhagvaan ki dyaa se, apni aek "Zoya
beTi" kaam ki nikli haiN --- waaheguru ji ka Khaalsa, waaheguru ji ki
fateh ---
jo lagta hai k hamaari parm-paraa ke diye meiN "tel-batti" Daalti
raheN gi! varna, yeh "mahode", jo ulTi-seedhi "GhazleN" haaNk kar ham
hujra-nisheenoN ka dimaaGh chaaTte rehte haiN, bhalaa un se kyaa
mutavaqqe' ho sakta hai? LOL
> > --------------
> >
> > dard-e-dil samajhtaa hai dil ki daastaaN tanhaa
> > bas yihi hai le de kar apna raazdaaN tanhaa!
>
> matla bahut Khoobsoorat hai. "dard-e-dil" ko jo 'human face'
> diyaa gayaa hai, qaabil-e-Ghaur-o-daad hai.
aap bilkul bajaa samjhe, saahib. is she'r ki yihi to Khoobi hai ke is
meiN "dard-e-dil" ko 'personify' kiyaa gayaa hai --- ain usi tarah
jaise Firaaq Saahib ne apne is laa-faani she'r meiN "dard-e-hijr" ko
'personify' kiyaa hai; farmaate haiN k
ab daur-e-aasmaaN hai na daur-e-hayaat hai
AI DARD-E-HIJR, tuu hi bataa kitni raat hai!
agarche Parvez bhaai ka she'r us paaye ka naheeN hai jaisa k
shaa'ir-e-jamaal ka hai, phir bhi qaabil-e-qubool to hai hi!
aur, huzoor, aap zaraa "le de kar" par bhi Ghaur keejiye ga --- is
tarkeeb meiN kyaa hasrat hai, kyaa yaas hai, kyaa ma'azoori hai! isi
tarkeeb ka aek aur "riqqat-aNgez" ist'emaal aap ne shaa'id pehle bhi
dekha ho --- agar naheeN dekha to deevaan-e-Qais ki taraf rujoo'
keejiye, jahaaN aap ko maNdarja-zail nageena mile ga:
ai deeda-e-giryaaN, inheN luTne se bachaana!
"le de ke" yihi ashk haiN jaageer hamaari!!!
> > yooN to apne raste meiN dair bhi tha ka'aba bhi
> > ham ko raas aayaa hai teraa aastaaN tanhaa!!!
>
> ye huii na baat! Sounds like our RK saahib's brother alright!
ab Amit Saahib ne is she'r se kyaa ma'ani aKhz kiye haiN --- yeh to
agli nasleN hi bataayeN gi! :-))
magar jahaaN tak aihd-e-haazir ki baat hai, she'r bilkul saaf-suthraa
hai. aap is ke baare meiN yeh naheeN keh sakte k "yeh mu'amma hai
samajhne ka na samjhaane ka"!
phir bhi, agar Amit Saahib yeh jaan_na chaaheN k maiN ne is she'r ko
kaise samjha hai to javaab meiN apnaa hi aek she'r 'quote' kiye deta
hooN, jis se saaf vaazeh ho jaaye ga k meri is she'r par 'take' kyaa
hai?
to, leejiye, Amit Saahib (aur Ravindra Saahib), Khaaksaar is zimn meiN
kehta hai k
na Khudaa se koi rishta, na butoN se naata
"teri dehleez" pe sar apna jhukaa rakkhaa hai!
agar kabhi daao lagaa to aap saahibaan ko poori ki poori Ghazal
sunaaooN ga!
Ravindra Saahib, huzoor, abhi to Parvez bhaai ki Ghazal ke kul do
she'r 'cover' huye haiN aur agar meri ginti durust hai to paaaaaNch
she'r abhi baaqi haiN. is avastha meiN to mujhe Firaaq Saahib ka aek
aur dil-fareb she'r yaad aane lagaa hai; farmaate haiN k
hai abhi mehtaab baaqi, hai abhi baaqi sharaab
tere mere darmiyaaN bhi haiN abhi baaqi HISAAB!!!!!!!!
I hope, Amit ji mahaaraaj is still with us! :-))
> >
> > yeh bhi Khairiyat guzrii, bach gaye haiN gul booTe
> > bijliyoN ne phooNkaa hai mera aashiyaaN tanhaa!!!
>
> waah waah! Excellent! goyaa k KhizaaN aayii to sabse
> pehle (aur sirf!) us Taihnii par jis par hamaaraa
> ghoNslaa thaa! lekin "yeh bhi Khairiyat guzrii"? Superb!
Ravindra Saahib, agarche is she'r meiN mut'addid ausaaf yak-jaa ho kar
zuhoor-pazeer huye haiN magar jis vasf par aap ne uNgali dhari hai voh
sabhi ausaaf se pesh-pesh hai. "yeh bhi Khairiyat guzri" is indeed
marvellous!
[Zoya ji note kareN k lafz 'Khairiyat' ka yeh ist'emaal ain vaisa hi
hai jaisa k MaKhmoor Saahib ne kiyaa tha:
qissa kaleem-o-toor ka bhoola naheeN hooN maiN
hai Khairiyat isi meiN, kaheeN saamna na ho!!!]
aamdam bar-sar-e-matlab, Ravindra Saahib, yahaaN par baat voh naheeN
ho rahi k
"shaaKh bijli ko voh pasaNd aayee
jis pe meraa hi aashiyaana tha"!
no, no, no. baat yeh ho rahi hai k bijliyaaN agar mere aashiyaane ko
phooNkti haiN to phooNkati raheN --- I don't mind it, so long as the
"chaman" on the whole remains safe!!!
is falsafe ko samajhne ke liye aap maulaana Anvar Saabiri ke is she'r
ko dekhiye; muhibb-e-vatan shaa'ir, nek-dil insaan aur yaaroN ke yaar
farmaate haiN k
hazaar baar nisheman bane, ujaR jaaye!
magar chaman ko na, yaa rab, kabhi zavaal aaye!!!!!!!
Look, this is the spirit of "national integrity", jis ka rona har koi
rota hai magar bahut kam log haiN jo k is 'concept' ka saheeh paas
rakhte haiN.
maiN aur Parvez us mehfil meiN maujood the jahaaN par Saabiri Saahib
ne yeh she'r paRhaa tha aur yaqeen jaaniye k, daad-o-tehseen ki baat
dar-kinaar, voh apna yeh she'r paRhte hi rone lag gaye the!
And, unfortunately, the fact remains that --- yeh baat aaj bhi utni hi
aham hai jitni k tab thi!
aap note kareN ge k Parvez ke she'r meiN, ain vuhi jazba kaar-farmaa
hai jis ka izhaar Saabiri Saahib ne kiyee hai.
I hope, you won't mind permitting me a little break. I'll respond to
the rest of your letter in a short while.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> >
> >
Ravindra Saahib, sorry for the untimely break. In any case, here I go
again! :-))
>
>
>
> > aihl-e-kaarvaaN ne to jaa liyaa hai maNzil ko
> > raah meiN bhaTaktaa hai meer-e-kaarvaaN tanhaa
>
> Awesome! agar yeh sh'er, Raj Kumar saahib, *aap* kii kisii
> Ghazal kaa hotaa to maiN kahtaa k --
>
> yahii to nateeja hota hai "putting the cart before the horse"
> kaa :))
>
> magar maaloom nahiiN k Parvez saahib ko is qism kaa "bekaar,
> betukaa aur bemaanii" mazaaq pasand aataa hai yaa nahiiN.
vaaq'ii, agar aap mere apne she'r par aisi "be-kaar, be-tuki aur
be-ma'ani" baat kehte to koi mazaa'iqa naheeN tha --- kiyooN-k, jaisa
mera kalaam vaisa aap ka ta'assur! :-))
albatta, hamaare Parvez Saahib to "saNjeedagi ka mujassima" haiN aur
unheN aisa mazaaq mutlaq gavaara naheeN hoga --- mujhe to Dar hai k
agar unheN yeh Khabar ho gayee k maiN "aap jaisoN" ke saath
uThta-baiThta hooN to voh mera huqqa-paani tak baNd kar deN ge! LOL
Anyway, she'r buraa naheeN hai balke in naam-nihaad rahnumaaoN par ---
chaahe voh maz_habi hoN, chaahe siyaasi --- aek zabar-dast choT hai!
>
> > uf, yeh hijr kii shab kaa jaaN-gudaaz sannaaTaa
> > sun rahaa hooN aise meiN rooh ki fuGhaaN tanhaa
>
> "uf!" kyaa dard hai!
>
> is sh'er se mujhe apnii ek "chaaloo" Ghazal kaa matla yaad
> aa gayaa, ijaazat ho to sunaata chalooN? --
>
> kaun kahtaa hai k iskii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
> ishq meiN kyaa kabhi aah-O-fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii?
>
> Of course, it is NOWHERE near as good as the sh'er that
> reminded me of it.
apart from being NOWHERE near as good as the she'r in question, mujhe
to yeh bhi pataa naheeN chal rahaa k aap ke is she'r ki baihr kyaa
hai? You know, I am quite illiterate in these matters, so pleeeeease
illuminate my mind with an example or two from reliable sources ---
NOT from deevaan-e-Khursheed, of course! LOL
B/W, agar aap meri is haqeer arz-daasht ka koi Khaatir-Khwaah javaab,
bahattar ghantoN ke aNdar aNdar, na de sake to aap ka yeh she'r Sarwar
Saahib ko ba-Gharaz-e-jaraahat bhej diya jaaye ga! :-))
> > ho agar ijaazat to saath ho chaleN ham bhi
> > ziNdagii ke saihraa meiN jaao ge kahaaN tanhaa???
>
> wah-waa! yeh to wahii baat huii k
> tire naazuk haseeN qadmoN ke neeche, ham_safar mere
> jahaaN hogaa koii kaaNTaa wahaaN maiN dil bichhaa dooNgaa
> aur agar maiN kisii aur laa`iq nahiiN to sirf isii liye
> mujhe apne saath le lo k mere dil kii ba_daulat tumhaare pair
> aabloN se mahfooz raheN!
waah, waa, Ravindra Saahib! aap ne yahaaN par to voh fusooN-kaar nasr
likkhi hai k --- for a moment --- mere man meiN yeh soch uTThi k agar,
Bhagvaan na kare, maiN aek laRki hota to sach-much maiN aise hi
premi(oN) ki aasha rakhta! ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL
mazaaq bar taraf, Parvez Saahib ka she'r aisa halka-phulka naheeN hai
--- is she'r meiN, vuhi jazbe kaar-farmaa haiN jo maNdarja-zail
ash'aar meiN numaayaaN haiN:
zaraa aasaan ho jaaye gi maNzil
chalo ham hi kisi ke saath ho leN (Habeeb Jaalib)
ham be-raah-ravoN ka kyaa
saath kisi ke ho leN ge (Ahmed Faraaz)
but, more appropriately,
raah sunsaan hai
aage shamshaan hai
aise meiN tum akeli kahaaN jaao gi? (be-kal utsaahi)
>
> > qaafile bahaaroN ke chal diye kaheeN 'Parvez'
> > gulshan-e-mohabbat meiN reh gayee KhizaaN tanhaa!!!
>
> FABULOUS!!! wallaah kyaa baat hai! bahut Khoob. merii haqeer
> raaye meiN yahii sh'er haasil-e-Ghazal qaraar paataa hai.
I fully agree with your assessment ---
However, before signing off, I'll like to share with you a she'r that
has SOME bearing on this one. arz hai k
mire chaman ki KhizaaN mutma'in rahe k yahaaN
Khudaa ke fazl se ANDESHA-E-BAHAAR naheeN!!!!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
UVR
>
> aap dekhiye k abhi haal hi meiN aek hazrat ne ALUP par aek
> so-called "Ghazal" chaspaaN ki hai aur aap un ki deeda-dileri to
> dekhiye k sabhi maahireen-e-fann ko da'avat-e-amal di hai k voh is
> so-called "Ghazal" ko parkheN aur is par apni aalimaana raaye baham
> pahuNchaayeN ---
> aur kyaa bataaooN aap ko, Ravindra ji, us so-called "Ghazal" ke "bol"
> itne "anmol" haiN k ---
> sorry, even this Khaaksaar (who has absolutely no compunction
> regarding himself as the most "saNjeeda AlUpiya" in the world!)
> couldn't help LOLing!!! ROTFL
>
> dekhiye, kyaa aNdaaz hai! farmaate haiN k
>
> rahguzar par thaa maiN jab, to ghar tanhaa!
>
> ab aap hi bataaiye, qibla, k koi sir-pair haiN is satar ke --- aur
> agar aap ki taba'-e-naazuk par baar na guzre to yeh bhi note keejiye k
> is faqeer-e-be-taqseer ne, k azal hi se be-gaana-e-tehreer-o-taqreer
> rahaa ha, is jumle ko "satar" kahaa hai kiyooN-k,
> baa-vujood-e-iKhlaas-e-baahami, yeh "ahqar" is "satar" ko "misra"
> kehne ki himmat naheeN kar paaya! huzoor, jab yeh aalam hai aaj kal ke
> "Khud-saaKhta aur zo'm-girafta" shaa'iroN ka to aap bhalaa hamaare
> ma'asoom bachche-bachchiyoN se kyaa tavaqqo' rakh sakte haiN. ROTFL
Ha ha ha ... Raj saahib, aap ne yeh to ba_jaa farmaaya k is satar
ke sir-pair nahiiN. yooN to un saahib ki woh saari ki saari
Ghazalnuma tukbandi hii "be-head-o-laa-tail" thii! ROTFL
lekin, janaab, is baat par bhi to Ghaur karna laazimi thaa
k yeh sir-pair aaKhir haiN kyoN nahiiN? Huzoor, yeh bhi to
mumkin hai k jise aap "zo'm" samajhte haiN, woh kisii kii
tajveez kaa "paas" ho? yaani k is Khaatir k ek (neem?) hakeem
ki _tashaffi_ ho jaaye [pun absolutely intended] aur ek kii
'practice' chal nikle, woh "zo'm girafta" saahib-e-dil --
jin ki darya_dili agar qaabil-e-daad nahiiN to qaabil-e-deed
to hai hi :)) -- Khud apne haath-paaoN kaaT-peeT kar, apnii
haDDi-pasli ek karke, 'klejjaa' haath meiN liye, Khoon se
lathpath, apnaa ilaaj karwaane haazir ho gaye hoN?!!! ajii
maiN to kahtaa hooN, un *exemplary* shaheed ke to aap ko
*AFSAANE* sunaane chaahiye aanewaali nasloN ko, afsaane! :)) LOLOL
Zoya
Raj uncle,
pehle to aap ko pataa hai ke fateh kaa jawaab fateh se dete hai.N, so
"waaheguru ji kaa Khaalsaa, waaheguru ji kii fateh."
aur suniye, aap bhii kaise kaise mazaaq karte rehte hai.N! arre aap
logo.N kii soHbat mei.N rehte rehte pataa nahii.N kaise mai.N_ne do
chaar chiize.N keh Daalii.N, varnaa qasam se aise aise haadise guzar
chuke the ke puChhiiye mat, aur mujh se kabhii ek sher tak nahii.N
huaa thaa! vaise bhii aap mere naazuk kaa.Ndho.N par itnaa bhaarii
kaam mat Daaliye!!
But on second thoughts, aap ne kuChh din pehle yeh bhii kahaa thaa na
ke ba_qaaydaa shaayarii aap ne retirement ke baad shuruu kii thii, so
there is hope for all of us yet!!
>
> > > --------------
> > >
> > > yeh bhi Khairiyat guzrii, bach gaye haiN gul booTe
> > > bijliyoN ne phooNkaa hai mera aashiyaaN tanhaa!!!
> >
> Ravindra Saahib, agarche is she'r meiN mut'addid ausaaf yak-jaa ho kar
> zuhoor-pazeer huye haiN magar jis vasf par aap ne uNgali dhari hai voh
> sabhi ausaaf se pesh-pesh hai. "yeh bhi Khairiyat guzri" is indeed
> marvellous!
> [Zoya ji note kareN k lafz 'Khairiyat' ka yeh ist'emaal ain vaisa hi
> hai jaisa k MaKhmoor Saahib ne kiyaa tha:
>
> qissa kaleem-o-toor ka bhoola naheeN hooN maiN
> hai Khairiyat isi meiN, kaheeN saamna na ho!!!]
RK Sahib, wow, mujhe yeh dono.N ashaar bahut pasa.Nd aaye, aap to
jaante hai.N, lafz-e-Khairiyat se mujhe Khaas lagaav hai! kaii dino.N
se soch rahii thii aap ko yeh sher bhii sunaao.N, ab mauqaa hai, to
lage haatho.N sun hii liijiiye:
yeh inaayate.N ghazab kii, yeh balaa kii mehar_baanii
merii Khariiyat bhii puuChii, kisii aur kii zubaanii!
aChhaa hai naa?!
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Bye for now,
____________Zoya
UVR
>
> u...@usa.net (UVR) wrote:
>
> > > uf, yeh hijr kii shab kaa jaaN-gudaaz sannaaTaa
> > > sun rahaa hooN aise meiN rooh ki fuGhaaN tanhaa
> >
> > "uf!" kyaa dard hai!
> >
> > is sh'er se mujhe apnii ek "chaaloo" Ghazal kaa matla yaad
> > aa gayaa, ijaazat ho to sunaata chalooN? --
> >
> > kaun kahtaa hai k iskii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
> > ishq meiN kyaa kabhi aah-O-fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii?
> >
> > Of course, it is NOWHERE near as good as the sh'er that
> > reminded me of it.
>
> apart from being NOWHERE near as good as the she'r in question, mujhe
> to yeh bhi pataa naheeN chal rahaa k aap ke is she'r ki baihr kyaa
> hai? You know, I am quite illiterate in these matters, so pleeeeease
> illuminate my mind with an example or two from reliable sources ---
> NOT from deevaan-e-Khursheed, of course! LOL
Raj Kumar saahib:
awwal to, please allow me to revel in wondrous amazement at
your ability to go into microscopic detail with such remarkable
ease! This is why it's a veritable pleasure to read everything
you write.
doyam yeh k -- knowing you, it is impossible for me to believe
your "claim" k aap ko is sh'er ki behr pehchaanne meiN mushkil
hui hai. I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt here, but
I think this is just another one of your "ploys" targeted at
initiating an interesting discussion on ALUP based on another
"thoughtless" action of mine :))
kahne kaa matlab ye, ustaad-ji, k maiN is behr kii aap ko *EK*
misaal asaateza ke kalaam meiN se laa ke nahiiN de saktaa :-((
halaaN ke jis din se yeh sh'er mere dimaaGh meiN aayaa hai
[yaqeenan "Ghaib" se!] tab se DhooND rahaa hooN, _phir bhi_
mujhe is behr meiN koi nazm mili, na Ghazal, na koi nazm! :-(
albatta, yeh sh'er behr se Khaarij bilkul nahiiN hai (IMO).
I haven't yet "imbibed" the lessons of nikaat-e-suKhan :), so
I won't hazard any kind of a taqti' of this sh'er whatsoever.
HOWEVER, its meter *IS* rather simple. It's nothing more than
a minor variant -- what the mathematically inclined would call
a "trivial" derivative -- of one of the most popular and common
behr-s (I think) of Urdu poetry. As I have no doubt you have
noticed, the sh'er I wrote above is merely an "answer" to the
famous Sahir Hoshiyarpuri sh'er:
kAUn kahtaa hai muhabbat ki zubaaN hotii hai?
2 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 2 2
yE haqeeqat to nigaahoN se bayaaN hotii hai!
What I've done is to merely take the last "1-2" and
REVERSE it, like so:
kaun kahtaa hai k is kii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
2 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 2
ishq meN kyA kabhi Aah.O fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii
That is, 2 1 2 2 - 1 1 2 2 - 1 1 2 2 - 2 2
became 2 1 2 2 - 1 1 2 2 - 1 2 1 2 - 2 2
^^^
That's all! |||
What I find surprising is that while one comes across
innumerable examples of the former behr in the works of
the masters, I couldn't find even one instance of the
latter there. I've flipped through whatever I have of
Mir, Ghalib, Iqbal, Daagh, Zafar, Faiz, Jigar, Firaq,
but in each and every instance, I drew a blank! :-(
I know this leads us to but one logical conclusion ---
but, if indeed such is the case, I'd rather someone else
state that conclusion.
> B/W, agar aap meri is haqeer arz-daasht ka koi Khaatir-Khwaah javaab,
> bahattar ghantoN ke aNdar aNdar, na de sake to aap ka yeh she'r Sarwar
> Saahib ko ba-Gharaz-e-jaraahat bhej diya jaaye ga! :-))
jawaab to maiN ne de diya, saahib, ab aap kahiye k yeh aap ke
Khaatir ko Khwaah lagaa, k Khwaah-m-Khwaah :-)) ROTFL.
waise is "behr" par Sarwar saahib kii nazar paR jaaye to bhii
kyaa buraa hai? I imagine he will have some rather *choice*
things to say about it!
> > > qaafile bahaaroN ke chal diye kaheeN 'Parvez'
> > > gulshan-e-mohabbat meiN reh gayee KhizaaN tanhaa!!!
> >
> > FABULOUS!!! wallaah kyaa baat hai! bahut Khoob. merii haqeer
> > raaye meiN yahii sh'er haasil-e-Ghazal qaraar paataa hai.
>
> I fully agree with your assessment ---
yahaaN maiN aap se apne us "transferred epithet" waale sawaal
par kuchh vazaahatii tahreer talab kar rahaa thaa, magar ...
perhaps that was not worth your time :-((
> However, before signing off, I'll like to share with you a she'r that
> has SOME bearing on this one. arz hai k
>
> mire chaman ki KhizaaN mutma'in rahe k yahaaN
> Khudaa ke fazl se ANDESHA-E-BAHAAR naheeN!!!!
!!!! bahut behtareen -- nahiiN, GHAZAB KA -- sh'er hai, RK saahib!
ab to aap ko yeh poori Ghazal sunaani paRegii ... sunaaiyega na?
mKhls
-UVR.
Raj Kumar
> > >
> > > is sh'er se mujhe apnii ek "chaaloo" Ghazal kaa matla yaad
> > > aa gayaa, ijaazat ho to sunaata chalooN? --
> > >
> > > kaun kahtaa hai k iskii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
> > > ishq meiN kyaa kabhi aah-O-fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii?
> > >
> > > Of course, it is NOWHERE near as good as the sh'er that
> > > reminded me of it.
> >
> > apart from being NOWHERE near as good as the she'r in question, mujhe
> > to yeh bhi pataa naheeN chal rahaa k aap ke is she'r ki baihr kyaa
> > hai? You know, I am quite illiterate in these matters, so pleeeeease
> > illuminate my mind with an example or two from reliable sources ---
> > NOT from deevaan-e-Khursheed, of course! LOL
>
> Raj Kumar saahib:
>
> awwal to, please allow me to revel in wonderous amazement at
> your ability to go into microscopic detail with such remarkable
> ease! This is why it's a veritable pleasure to read everything
> you write.
Hmmmmmmm, to aaKhir-e-kaar aap ham se "impress" ho hi gaye! varna,
abhi tak to sirf hameeN ham the k apne aap se "impress" ho paaye the!
:-))
vaise, yeh jo aap ne farmaaya k Khaaksaar "microscopic detail" ko kis
qadar aasaani se bhaaNp(!) leta hai to --- Khudaa jhooT na bulvaaye
--- yeh jumla to Khaaksaar ne kayee baar pehle bhi sun rakkhaa
hai.....albatta, Urdu shaa'iri ke zimn meiN naheeN, ilm-e-tabi'aat ke
zimn meiN!
>
> doyam yeh k -- knowing you, it is impossible for me to believe
> your "claim" k aap ko is sh'er ki behr pehchaanne meiN mushkil
> hui hai. I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt here, but
> I think this is just another one of your "ploys" targeted at
> initiating an interesting discussion on ALUP based on another
> "thoughtless" action of mine :))
yeh aap kyaa keh rahe haiN, seTh ji?
bhalaa mujh jaisa maskeen-ul-zamaaN "ploys" ka aihl kaise ho sakta
hai? Khaaksaar ne to, bas aek hi milli-second meiN, bhaaNp liya tha k
aap ke misroN ki "baihr" qadre "kinky" hai ---
[agar aap ka husn-e-zann gavaara kare to Khaaksar, lafz-e-"kinky" par,
aap ki baargaah se thoRi si daad to chaahe ga hi!] :-))
bas, phir kyaa tha, huzoor? maiN ne, sachchaaii ka 'alam khaRaa kar
ke, aap se javaab-talabi kar li!
> kahne kaa matlab ye, ustaad-ji, k maiN is behr kii aap ko *EK*
> misaal asaateza ke kalaam meiN se laa ke nahiiN de saktaa :-((
kiyooN naheeN de sakte? are miyaaN, agar yeh "baihr" vaajib hai to is
ki saiNkaRoN misaaleN dast-yaab honi chaahiyeN!!!
You know, Ravindra Saahib, that, since you are a "smart cookie" ---
ROTFL ---, I have got to be "strict" with you! :-))
varna, aise-vaisoN ko to maiN yooN-hi jaane deta hooN!
> halaaN ke jis din se yeh sh'er mere dimaaGh meiN aayaa hai
> [yaqeenan "Ghaib" se!] tab se DhooND rahaa hooN, _phir bhi_
> mujhe is behr meiN koi nazm mili, na Ghazal, na koi nazm! :-(
yeh she'r yaqeenan "Ghaib" hi se aaya hoga --- kiyooN-k, "haazir" se
to aise "nuzool" kam hi hote haiN! LOL LOL LOL
bhaaii mere, aap ko is "baihr" ki misaal milti to tab jab k yeh
"baihr" vaajib hoti! :-((
> albatta, yeh sh'er behr se Khaarij bilkul nahiiN hai (IMO).
aap itne Khafaa kiyooN ho rahe haiN, huzoor? bhalaa ham ne kab kahaa
hai k aap ka yeh she'r baihr se Khaarij hai? ham ne to sirf yeh kahaa
hai k voh "baihr", jis meiN yeh she'r kahaa gayaa hai, ham se ROO_POSH
kiyooN hai?????
aur sirf hameeN se naheeN, balke hamaare kul_ham esaateza se bhi
roo-posh rahi hai! Kam-baKht kaheeN ki! :-))
>
> I haven't yet "imbibed" the lessons of nikaat-e-suKhan :), so
> I won't hazard any kind of a taqti' of this sh'er whatsoever.
> HOWEVER, its meter *IS* rather simple. It's nothing more than
> a minor variant -- what the mathematically inclined would call
> a "trivial" derivative -- of one of the most popular and common
> behr-s (I think) of Urdu poetry. As I have no doubt you have
> noticed, the sh'er I wrote above is merely an "answer" to the
> famous Sahir Hoshiyarpuri sh'er:
> kAUn kahtaa hai muhabbat ki zubaaN hotii hai?
> 2 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 2 2
> yE haqeeqat to nigaahoN se bayaaN hotii hai!
>
> What I've done is to merely take the last "1-2" and
> REVERSE it, like so:
> kaun kahtaa hai k is kii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
> 2 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 2
> ishq meN kyA kabhi Aah.O fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii
>
> That is, 2 1 2 2 - 1 1 2 2 - 1 1 2 2 - 2 2
> became 2 1 2 2 - 1 1 2 2 - 1 2 1 2 - 2 2
> ^^^
> That's all! |||
You call it "That's all"? yaqeen jaaniye, Ravindra ji, jaisi
"ma'asoomiyat" aap ne yahaaN par numaayaaN ki hai, aisi "ma'asoomiyat"
to ham ne muddaton ba'ad anubhav ki hai! :-))
huzoor, maiN ne to jab aap ka pehla misra hi paRhaa tha to mehsoos
huaa k is misre ka pehla hissa bhi Theek hai, pichhla hissa bhi Theek
hai magar beech meiN kuchh "kink" sa hai --- hence the word "kinky"! I
would have ignored it as a fluke --- magar jab vuhi "kink" doosre mire
meiN dekha to mera maathaa Thanakaa k "miyaaN, yahaaN par to koi
gaRbaR-goTaaala hai"! tabhi maiN ne aap ko aek adad Khat ravaana kar
diyaa taa-k, ba-jaaye is ke k maiN apni neeNd haraam karooN, kiyooN na
aap ki neeNd haraam karooN? mu'aaf keejiye, huzoor, itna "selfish" to
har koi hota hai! :-))
ab aap ka yeh Khayaal k aap aek "achchhi bhali baihr" meiN KISI BHI
maqaam par (12) ko (21) meiN badal deN aur nateejatan aek nayee baihr
ban jaaye --- huzoor, yeh to baRi doooooooor ki baat hai! agar aise hi
nayee baihreN ban_ne lageN to un ki ginti laakhoN-karoRoN meiN ho, na
k darjanoN meiN! And, you know as well as I do, that almost all the
Urdu Ghazals that we come across conform to just about 20-25
baihrs!!!!!
ab jo hikmat-e-amali aap ne apnaaii hai --- k kisi bhi vaajib baihr
meiN kaheeN bhi (12) ko (21) meiN badal do --- ya phir (21) ko (12)
meiN badal do --- to sab Theek hai. In fact, it is no, no, no.
Let me tell you one simple fact --- voh yeh k agar, maujooda baihr
(jis meiN k 5 a's haiN aur 9 b's haiN), meiN agar aise hi "exchanges"
aazaadaane taur se kiye jaayeN aur karte jaayeN to, in mathematical
terms, the resulting number of "distinct" sequences will be
(14!)/(9!)(5!) = 2,002 ------- what a coincidence!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, what makes you think that ALL these sequences will be acceptable
baihrs? In my opinion, only very very very very few will be, if at
all! Perhaps (please note that I said, perhaps), none other than the
one we started with!!!
Why? Because, every baihr has to have a "SUR-TAAL"! And the "kinky
baihr" that you have used in your she'r does not conform to this
simple requirement! :-((
Now, how do we define "SUR-TAAL"? Frankly, I don't have the faintest
clue --- but, luckily, I do recognize it when I see it!
> What I find surprising is that while one comes across
> innumerable examples of the former behr in the works of
> the masters, I couldn't find even one instance of the
> latter there. I've flipped through whatever I have of
> Mir, Ghalib, Iqbal, Daagh, Zafar, Faiz, Jigar, Firaq,
> but in each and every instance, I drew a blank! :-(
> I know this leads us to but one logical conclusion ---
> but, if indeed such is the case, I'd rather someone else
> state that conclusion.
By now, you know the answer. But if you want "this little mouse to
bell the cat", then I ll certainly do the needful --- namely, I'll say
it loudly and clearly that, by juggling with the original sequence at
will, you do not necessarilly obtain a new, viable baihr!
Luckily, I CAN give you at least one example where, juggling with a
standard bair in the "Khursheedian" style, you DO get another standard
baihr --- but only if you ask for it! :-))
>
> > > > qaafile bahaaroN ke chal diye kaheeN 'Parvez'
> > > > gulshan-e-mohabbat meiN reh gayee KhizaaN tanhaa!!!
> > >
> > > FABULOUS!!! wallaah kyaa baat hai! bahut Khoob. merii haqeer
> > > raaye meiN yahii sh'er haasil-e-Ghazal qaraar paataa hai.
> >
> > I fully agree with your assessment ---
>
> yahaaN maiN aap se apne us "transferred epithet" waale sawaal
> par kuchh vazaahatii tahreer talab kar rahaa thaa, magar ...
> perhaps that was not worth your time :-((
naheeN, yeh baat naheeN hai. baat dar asl yeh hai k, in dinoN, I am
having a bit of a "muscle spasm" in my back, which doesn't permit me
to sit before the computer for too long; yihi samassaya us din thi aur
yihi samassaya ab bhi roo-numaa ho rahi hai. is liye, once again, I'll
beg you to let me go!
haaN, agar aap is baihs ko aage baRhaana chaaheN to Khaaksaar ko koi
uzr naheeN hai. albatta, behtar hoga k aap apne pichhle Khat ko aur
mere is javaab ko yahaaN se nikaal kar aek nayee laRi meiN Daal deN
--- jis ka unvaan ho sakta hai "baihr-e-be-karaaN"! :-))
kehne ka matlab yeh hai k ham Parvez Saahib ki laRi ko is baihs se
kiyooN "daaGh-daar" kareN? :-))
dekhiye, aaj maiN ne aap ki Khaatir kitna "patience" dikhaaya hai ---
sirf is liye k aaj aek "zaheen mard" se vaasta tha --- kaash-k, aisa
hi "patience" kabhi us "dooooooosri category" ko bhi dikhaa sakooN!
:-((
khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Irfan 'Abid'
UVR Sb, aadaab!
Your experiment (unintentional, I guess) with the bahr and R K Sb's
comment on it reminded me of an incident, which I want to share with
you. Pressed by my desire to invent, I did the same thing a few years
back, and deliberately. In Bahr Mazaar.a Musamman Akhrab Makfuuf
Maqsuur, whose arkaan are :maf - uu - lu faa - i - laa - tu ma -
faa - ii - lu faa - i - laan:, I replaced the third rukn (ma - faa -
ii - lu) with :faa - i - laa - tu : and wrote the following sher
(actually it was a complete Ghazal with 6-7- ash.aar in it).
kyaa baat hai ki raGhbateN haiN zindagii se duur
rahtaa hai aaj aadmii bhii aadmii se duur
I thought the sher had rhythm in it, which is the prime feature of
poetry. I took it to my ustaad. Being the polite person that he is, he
simply said that it was not in (traditional) bahr and that I should
write in traditional bahr. I have not tried anything like that ever
since and had almost forgotten it, but your post reminded me of it.
Now as far as your sher is concerned, I feel it does have rhythm.
However, as R K Sb pointed out and as you have found out as a result
of your research, this is not a traditional bahr. This is exactly the
case with what I came up with. I don't recall having seen any sher in
this :bahr: (please note the quotes). I don't know what the conclusion
is. I think I just added more stuff to think about. So let us see what
other say about it.
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Sarwar Alam Raz
> UVR Sb, aadaab!
>
> Your experiment (unintentional, I guess) with the bahr and R K Sb's
> comment on it reminded me of an incident, which I want to share with
> you. Pressed by my desire to invent, I did the same thing a few years
> back, and deliberately. In Bahr Mazaar.a Musamman Akhrab Makfuuf
> Maqsuur, whose arkaan are :maf - uu - lu faa - i - laa - tu ma -
> faa - ii - lu faa - i - laan:, I replaced the third rukn (ma - faa -
> ii - lu) with :faa - i - laa - tu : and wrote the following sher
> (actually it was a complete Ghazal with 6-7- ash.aar in it).
>
> kyaa baat hai ki raGhbateN haiN zindagii se duur
> rahtaa hai aaj aadmii bhii aadmii se duur
>
> I thought the sher had rhythm in it, which is the prime feature of
> poetry. I took it to my ustaad. Being the polite person that he is, he
> simply said that it was not in (traditional) bahr and that I should
> write in traditional bahr.
> Irfan :Abid:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mukarramee Irfan saaheb aadaab!
aap ke dilchasp Khat ne mere zoq.e.tajassus ko mehmez kiyaa aur maiN
ne is silsile meiN thoRee see teHqeeq kee. nataa'ij aap ke saamne pesh
kar rahaa hooN. kaheeN Ghalatee ho gayee ho to tasHeeH kar deejiyegaa.
shukriya!
aap ne :beHr.e.mazaar'a, musamman, aKhrab, makfoof, maqsoor: ke
Havaale se apnee aik Ghazal meiN arkaan kee tarmeem kaa zikr kiyaa
hai. is beHr ke saalim arkaan sab kee ittilaa' ke liye likhtaa hooN:
ma-faa-ee-lun faa-i-laa-tun ma-faa-ee-lun faa-i-laa-tun
is beHr ke jin ziHaafaat kaa aap ne zikr kiyaa hai voh yooN bayaan
kiye gaye haiN:
(a) :ma-faa-ee-lun: ke ziHaafaat:
(1) aKhrab: maf-oo-lu (laam per pesh hai)
(2) makfoof: ma-faa-ee-lu (laam per pesh hai)
(3) maqsoor: ma-faa-eel (laam saakin hai)
(b) :faa-i-laa-tun: ke ziHaafaat:
(1) aKhrab: ko'ee ziHaaf naheeN hai
(2) makfoof: faa-i-laa-tu (te per pesh hai)
(2) maqsoor: faa-i-laat (te saakin hai)
aap ne mazkoora beHr ke arkaan yooN likhe haiN (maiN ne in ke neeche
ziHaafaat ke naam likh diye haiN):
(A)
maf-oo-lu faa-i-laa-tu ma-faa-ee-lu faa-i-laan
aKhrab makfoof makfoof naa.ma'loom!
isee taraH aap kee tarmeem.kardah beHr ke arkaan bhee (aKhrab,
makfoof, makfoof aur naa.ma'loom) hoNge.
(B)
maf-oo-lu faa-i-laa-tu faa-i-laa-tu faa-i-laan
aKhrab makfoof makfoof naa.ma'loom!
in donoN naqshoN ko saHeeH ziHaafaat kee roshnee meiN dekheN to teen
baateN kahee jaa saktee haiN:
(1)ooper (A) meiN ko'ee :maqsoor: ziHaaf naheeN hai.
(2)ooper (B) meiN ko'ee :maqsoor: ziHaaf naheeN hai.
(3)chautha (fourth) rukn :faa-i-laan: kaheeN ziHaaf kee taraH mazkoor
naheeN hai. meraa Khayaal hai k yeh aik :typo: hai, ya'nee aap
:faa-i-laat: kee bajaaye :faa-i-laan: likh gaye haiN. :faa-i-laat:
maqsoor ziHaaf hai bhee :faa-i-laa-tun: kaa. agar yeh saHeeH hai (aur
maiN taqreeba yaqeen se keh saktaa hooN k yahaaN likhne meiN seHv ho
gayaa hai to aap kee tarmeem.kardah beHr ke arkaan yooN hoNge:
maf-oo-lu faa-i-laa-tu faa-i-laa-tu faa-i-laat
aKhrab makfoof makfoof maqsoor
yahaaN poNhach kar :khodaa pahaaR aur niklaa choohaa: vaalee baat yaad
aagaye. shaayad yeh sab maiN sirf chauthe rukn ke tajziye se aKhaz kar
saktaa thaa magar phir voh lutf kahaaN miltaa jo is mashq se mujh ko
Haasil huaa?
Khuloos.kesh
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Amit Malhotra
I saw that you mentionned my name in your reply to UVR sahib, of
course you fore-warned me that you will try to shed some light on that
sh'er in the reply to UVR sahib's post, so I had to keep my eyes open
for it... just regarding that, I wanted to make a few comments on a
few things I saw in that post. So here they are:
> > > yooN to apne raste meiN dair bhi tha ka'aba bhi
> > > ham ko raas aayaa hai teraa aastaaN tanhaa!!!
> >
> > ye huii na baat! Sounds like our RK saahib's brother alright!
>
> ab Amit Saahib ne is she'r se kyaa ma'ani aKhz kiye haiN --- yeh to
> agli nasleN hi bataayeN gi! :-))
ji agli naslo.N ka intezaar karne kaa koi faaydaa nahii.n hai.. unkaa
kuchh pataa nahii.n ke sh'er-o-shaayerii mei.n koi shauq bhii
rakhe.ngii ki nahii.n, so ham hi bataa dete hai.n.. :-)
jaisa ki aapne kahaa, sh'er bilkul saaf-suthraa thaa, albattah, ek
chhoTii sii baat thii jis ke kaaran hamne aapko ye kashT dene kii
sochii, vo ye ki, "aastaaN tanhaa" kuchh hame.n samajh nahii.n aayaa
thaa.. aastaaN tanhaa ka matlab ye ki "sirf aastaaN" raas aayaa.. yaa
"aastaaN jo ki khaali thaa, yaani ki tanhaa thaa" raas aayaa..(is that
even possible to call an "aastaaN" tanhaa?) ya phir.. ham ko teraa
aastaaN to raas aayaa.. magar ham vahaan bhii tanhaa rahe??
vaise jahaan tak aapke sh'er ka savaal hai, us se to saaf zaahir hota
hai, "sirf teraa aastaaN" hi raas aayaa is the correct answer. But
would you think i'm out of line (or that I didn't understand the
second misra properly) if i said that it could mean any of the above
mentionned meanings?? can you comment on the three meanings that I
gave?
now I hope you understand how I understood this sh'er.. exactly as you
did.. but, after reading it a second and third time, I just thought
about the way "aastaaN tanhaa" was and then these other possible
meanings came to my mind. Of course, if I'm wrong in attributing any
of these meanings to the sh'er, please let me know, at first I really
thought that its so clear.. its only after reading it a few times that
"aastaaN tanhaa" hit me.
> na Khudaa se koi rishta, na butoN se naata
> "teri dehleez" pe sar apna jhukaa rakkhaa hai!
>
wow!! that is such a beautiful sh'er.. really clear meaning too :-)
can you please please please post the full ghazal? Please? :-D
> hai abhi mehtaab baaqi, hai abhi baaqi sharaab
> tere mere darmiyaaN bhi haiN abhi baaqi HISAAB!!!!!!!!
>
> I hope, Amit ji mahaaraaj is still with us! :-))
oh i'm with you sir!
> is falsafe ko samajhne ke liye aap maulaana Anvar Saabiri ke is she'r
> ko dekhiye; muhibb-e-vatan shaa'ir, nek-dil insaan aur yaaroN ke yaar
> farmaate haiN k
>
> hazaar baar nisheman bane, ujaR jaaye!
> magar chaman ko na, yaa rab, kabhi zavaal aaye!!!!!!!
>
waah!! sh'er bahut khuub hai.. I have a soft corner for this sort of
poetry. Its beautiful.. I wish you would take the time some day to
post the full ghazal (or as much as you know of it), especially if
other ash'aar in this ghazal are also written with similar sentiments.
and about your second part of the reply to UVR sahib, that sh'er at
the end was really nice too.. it seems like there are a lot of ghazals
you need to recite :-).. ye nek kaam aap kab kar rahein hain sir?
Sincere Regards,
Amit Malhotra
UVR
>
> > kaun kahtaa hai k is kii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
> > 2 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 2
> > ishq meN kyA kabhi Aah.O fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii
> >
Irfan saahib,
Thank you very much for sharing this anecdote with me. It was
very educative.
You are absolutely right in guessing that my "experiment" was
entirely unintentional and purely accidental, meaning that,
contrary to all appearances, I did NOT "set out" to _invent_
anything: it just so happened that a few ash'aar came out in
quick succession (yes, there is more than one! :), and when
the flow eventually stopped (this usually happens rather quickly
in my case), I discovered that the lines were all conforming to
this meter.
Like you, I too think there *IS* an inherent rhythm in this
meter, as well as in the one you discovered. BTW, I find
'discovered' a better word than 'invented' in such cases, esp.
because these rhythms do exist in other domains. However,
given that they are excluded from the set of traditional bahoor,
and that our tradition places a lot of value on tradition, we
should perhaps stay away from them, lest we should be condemned
to the sentence of publicly receiving a thousand servings of
"dolatti-e-gadhaa" :))
fqt,
UVR.
PS. Incidentally, aisaa karnaa *chorii* hogii, lekin mujhe to
lagtaa hai k aap ke min_darj-e-baalaa sh'er meiN agar raGhbateN
kii "eN" aur aadmii (#1) kii "ii" ko *dabaa* diyaa jaaye, to aap
kaa sh'er us original behr meiN 'fiT' ho jaayegaa jise aap ne
"Bahr Mazaar.a Musamman Akhrab Makfuuf Maqsuur" kahaa hai.
nahiiN? :))
Sorry :) One *MUST* be oneself, otherwise, what *is* one?
Raj Kumar
>
> > > > yooN to apne raste meiN dair bhi tha ka'aba bhi
> > > > ham ko raas aayaa hai teraa aastaaN tanhaa!!!
> > >
>
> chhoTii sii baat thii jis ke kaaran hamne aapko ye kashT dene kii
> sochii, vo ye ki, "aastaaN tanhaa" kuchh hame.n samajh nahii.n aayaa
> thaa.. aastaaN tanhaa ka matlab ye ki "sirf aastaaN" raas aayaa.. yaa
> "aastaaN jo ki khaali thaa, yaani ki tanhaa thaa" raas aayaa..(is that
> even possible to call an "aastaaN" tanhaa?) ya phir.. ham ko teraa
> aastaaN to raas aayaa.. magar ham vahaan bhii tanhaa rahe??
> vaise jahaan tak aapke sh'er ka savaal hai, us se to saaf zaahir hota
> hai, "sirf teraa aastaaN" hi raas aayaa is the correct answer. But
> would you think i'm out of line (or that I didn't understand the
> second misra properly) if i said that it could mean any of the above
> mentionned meanings?? can you comment on the three meanings that I
> gave?
> now I hope you understand how I understood this sh'er.. exactly as you
> did.. but, after reading it a second and third time, I just thought
> about the way "aastaaN tanhaa" was and then these other possible
> meanings came to my mind. Of course, if I'm wrong in attributing any
> of these meanings to the sh'er, please let me know, at first I really
> thought that its so clear.. its only after reading it a few times that
> "aastaaN tanhaa" hit me.
Amit Saahib:
I wish I had more leisure than I presently do, so that I could discuss
this point in detail. But I am setting out on a four-week trip
tomorrow morning, so I am in a bit of a rush. I am, therefore, afraid
that I can't respond to your question but in brief.
Of the three meanings that you have alluded to, I wouldn't go for any
but the first one --- why? because the first one is so natural,
whereas the other two are somewhat contrived. And the she'r makes a
lot of sense with the first meaning, so I wouldn't bother about the
other two!
Nevertheless, if other interpretations make more sense to some one, so
be it! You know, once someone asked Robert Browning if, at a
particular place in a particular poem of his, did he mean "this"? The
celebrated poet hesitated for a moment and then said, "may be"! :-))
So, you get the picture!
>
> > na Khudaa se koi rishta, na butoN se naata
> > "teri dehleez" pe sar apna jhukaa rakkhaa hai!
> >
> wow!! that is such a beautiful sh'er.. really clear meaning too :-)
> can you please please please post the full ghazal? Please? :-D
If you want it that badly, Amit ji, then I surely will --- but only
after I return from my trip. vaise, aap ka isht'eyaaq baRhaane ke
liye, aek she'r aur is Ghazal ka pesh-e-Khidmat hai:
yeh tirii mast-nigaahii ka karam hai, varna
jaam meiN, sheeshe meiN, paimaane meiN kyaa rakkhaa hai?
>
> > is falsafe ko samajhne ke liye aap maulaana Anvar Saabiri ke is she'r
> > ko dekhiye; muhibb-e-vatan shaa'ir, nek-dil insaan aur yaaroN ke yaar
> > farmaate haiN k
> >
> > hazaar baar nisheman bane, ujaR jaaye!
> > magar chaman ko na, yaa rab, kabhi zavaal aaye!!!!!!!
> >
> waah!! sh'er bahut khuub hai.. I have a soft corner for this sort of
> poetry. Its beautiful.. I wish you would take the time some day to
> post the full ghazal (or as much as you know of it), especially if
> other ash'aar in this ghazal are also written with similar sentiments.
I rememeber only one more she'r of this Ghazal:
KhizaaN ke jaur-o-sitam bhi hameN gavaaraa hoN
AGAR bahaar ke aNdaaz se bahaar aaye!!!!!
I think that should do for now.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Irfan 'Abid'
Sarwar Sb, aadaab!
Khat kaa bahut bahut shukiray! aap ne bilkul sahiih farmaayaa ki
mazkuurah bahr kaa aakhirii rukn :faa-i-laat: hai. maiN ne apne notes
kaa jaaizah liyaa to ek nahiiN, balki do teen muqqamaat par is bahr
kaa aakhirii rukn :faa-i-laan: darj hai. mazeed tahqeeq karne par
maaluum huaa ki :faa-i-laan: :maf-uu-laat: kii :matvee mauquuf: shakl
hai, yaanii :faa-i-laan: kaa vujuud bhii hai! lagtaa hai in donoN
shakloN ko aapas meN ek duusre kii jagah istemaal kar liyaa jaataa
hai. chuuNki vazn meN donoN baraabar haiN, shaayad aisaa karne meN
koii muzaaiaqah nahiiN samjhaa gayaa. filhaal yahii qayaas kiyaa jaa
saktaa hai. koii aisaa zariiyaa nahiiN ki is kii tasdeeq ho sake.
aap kii dilchasp tahreer kaa ek martabaa phir shukriya!
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Irfan 'Abid'
> i_a...@hotmail.com (Irfan 'Abid') wrote:
> >
> > > kaun kahtaa hai k is kii zubaaN nahiiN hotii?
> > > 2 1 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 2
> > > ishq meN kyA kabhi Aah.O fuGhaaN nahiiN hotii
> > >
> > > What I find surprising is that while one comes across
> > > innumerable examples of the former behr in the works of
> > > the masters, I couldn't find even one instance of the
> > > latter there. I've flipped through whatever I have of
> > > Mir, Ghalib, Iqbal, Daagh, Zafar, Faiz, Jigar, Firaq,
> > > but in each and every instance, I drew a blank! :-(
> > > I know this leads us to but one logical conclusion ---
> > > but, if indeed such is the case, I'd rather someone else
> > > state that conclusion.
> > >
> >
> > UVR Sb, aadaab!
> >
> > Your experiment (unintentional, I guess) with the bahr and R K Sb's
> > comment on it reminded me of an incident, which I want to share with
> > you. Pressed by my desire to invent, I did the same thing a few years
> > back, and deliberately. In Bahr Mazaar.a Musamman Akhrab Makfuuf
> > Maqsuur, whose arkaan are :maf - uu - lu faa - i - laa - tu ma -
> > faa - ii - lu faa - i - laan:, I replaced the third rukn (ma - faa -
> > ii - lu) with :faa - i - laa - tu : and wrote the following sher
> > (actually it was a complete Ghazal with 6-7- ash.aar in it).
> >
> > kyaa baat hai ki raGhbateN haiN zindagii se duur
> > rahtaa hai aaj aadmii bhii aadmii se duur
>
> Irfan saahib,
>
> Thank you very much for sharing this anecdote with me. It was
> very educative.
>
>
> fqt,
> UVR.
>
> PS. Incidentally, aisaa karnaa *chorii* hogii, lekin mujhe to
> lagtaa hai k aap ke min_darj-e-baalaa sh'er meiN agar raGhbateN
> kii "eN" aur aadmii (#1) kii "ii" ko *dabaa* diyaa jaaye, to aap
> kaa sh'er us original behr meiN 'fiT' ho jaayegaa jise aap ne
> "Bahr Mazaar.a Musamman Akhrab Makfuuf Maqsuur" kahaa hai.
> nahiiN? :))
>
> Sorry :) One *MUST* be oneself, otherwise, what *is* one?
UVR Sb, aadaab!
I hope R K Sb doesn't mind this off-line discussion getting longer and
longer! I fully agree with him that there should have been a separate
thread for it, but I don't know how to transfer all the stuff that has
already been posted.
I am writing this especially because you made a very interesting
observation in your post script. Yes, if we supress the letters you
have indicated, the sher fits in the :official: bahr. It was only a
coincidence, though. Other ash.aar in the Ghazal posed :real
problems:! Look at this one.
dunyaa meN chal rahaa hai ek beruKhii kaa daur
naGhme se sher duur, sur haiN raaginii se duur
You see what I mean!:-)
Sincerely,
Irfan :Abid: