Ghazal: "dil meN mire hazaar ... "
Irfan 'Abid'
kabhii kabhii apnii hii kisii kaavish se kuchh nayaa kahne kii
tarGheeb miltii hai. apnii guzishtah Ghazal, jo haal hii kii hai, ko
yahaaN chaspaaN karte vaqt us kii zameen meN mazeed tab.a.aazmaaii kii
Khvaaish huii. jo ash.aar hue haiN, vo pesh kar rahaa huuN. munaasib
samjheN to nazar-e-inaayat farmaayeN aur mumkin ho to apnii raae se
navaazeN.
Ghazal
dil meN mire hazaar alam hii javaaN rahe
yaa rab! magar laboN pe haNsii kaa samaaN rahe
manzil kii justujuu hai, na raahoN kaa ishtiyaaq
ai dil! balaa se saath na ab kaarvaaN rahe
aaNkheN bhii aazmaaii gayiiN raah-e-zeest meN
qalb-o-jigar bhii mubtila-e-imtihaaN rahe
Khatm-e-shabaab, aamad-e-peerii kaa kyaa gilaa
gar tab.a ishq.baaz rahe, dil javaaN rahe!
saahil dikhaa, Khudaa! yaa safeenaa Dubo hii de
kab tak havaa se mahv-e-jadal baadbaaN rahe!
paayaa kabhii na izz-e-qadam.bosii-e-janaab
go ham tamaam umr lab-e-aastaaN rahe
apnii Khushii kaa ek bhii lamhaa mile to kyoN!
jab iKhtiyaar-e-Ghair meN umr-e-ravaaN rahe
mahbuub-e-baa.kamaaN! mirii ulfat meN naqs hai
minnat.kash-e-davaa jo dil-e-KhuuN.chakaaN rahe
kyaa ishq hai yahii ki rahe vo sitam.zareef
aur mere lab pe naala-o-aah-o-fuGhaaN rahe?
ik lamha-e-anaa ne judaa kar diyaa unheN
do jism the jo aur sadaa ek jaaN rahe
:Abid: maiN musht-e-Khaak to ho jaauuNgaa fanaa
shaayad miraa mataa-e-suKhan jaavidaaN rahe
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Sarwar Alam Raz
> aadaab, dosto!
>
> kabhii kabhii apnii hii kisii kaavish se kuchh nayaa kahne kii
> tarGheeb miltii hai. apnii guzishtah Ghazal, jo haal hii kii hai, ko
> yahaaN chaspaaN karte vaqt us kii zameen meN mazeed tab.a.aazmaaii kii
> Khvaaish huii. jo ash.aar hue haiN, vo pesh kar rahaa huuN. munaasib
> samjheN to nazar-e-inaayat farmaayeN aur mumkin ho to apnii raae se
> navaazeN.
muHibbee Irfan saaheb: aadaab!
aaj kal Khoob hee aamad ho rahee hai! aap ne to aChhee aChhee
Ghazaliyaat kee jhaRee see lagaa dee! iss kaamyaab Ghazal per meree
daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool farmaa'yeN. kyaa Khayaal aur kyaa bayaan
sab hee Khoob haiN. aik aadh jagah chand savaal zehn meiN aaye so
pooChhe letaa hooN. ba.shart.e.fursat javaab.e.baa.savaab marHamat
farmaa kar shukriye kaa moqa' deejiye:
-------------------------------------------
dil meN mire hazaar alam hii javaaN rahe
yaa rab! magar laboN pe haNsii kaa samaaN rahe
vaah! bohat aChhaa matla' hai. yaa rab! ne jo duaa'iya kaifiyyat pedaa
kee hai voh bhalee lagee. kyaa isee kee ri'aayat se pehle misre' meiN
:hazaar alam: ke saath :rahe: kee bajaa'ye :raheN: kee zaroorat naheeN
hai? aap yehee to keh rahe haiN k :mere dil meiN chaahe hazaar alam
hee javaan raheN lekin ae' mere rab! mere laboN per haNsee hee qaa'im
rehne de:?
---------------------------------------------
manzil kii justujuu hai, na raahoN kaa ishtiyaaq
ai dil! balaa se saath na ab kaarvaaN rahe
yeh she'r Khoobsoorat hai. iss meiN mujhe aik mantiqee tajassus hai.
aap iss se be.niyaaz haiN k kaarvaan ab aap ke saath rahe ya na rahe
kyoN.k aap ko na to manzil kee hee talaash hai aur na raah kaa shauq.
avaal to kaarvaaN aap se naheeN bal.k Khud aap hee kaarvaaN ke saath
shaamil hu'e hoN ge aur kaarvaaN to aik tae'.shuda manzil kee jaanib
aik jaane pehchaane raaste se hee jaataa hai! phir kaarvaaN aap ko
kyoN.kar ChhoR saktaa hai? haaN yeh mumkin hai k aap Khud uss se alag
ho jaayeN!
doosre yeh k kaarvaaN meiN aap kee shumooliyat hu'ee hee iss
tai'yaqqun per thee k usee manzil ko usee raaste se aap bhee jaanaa
chaahte the! to ab manzil aur raah se begaanigee kyaa ma'nee rakhtee
hai?
----------------------------------------------
aaNkheN bhii aazmaaii gayiiN raah-e-zeest meN
qalb-o-jigar bhii mubtila-e-imtihaaN rahe
qibla! doosra misra' Ghaur.talab hai. lafz :mubtilaa: hai na k
:mubtila:. ho saktaa hai k maiN Ghalatee per hooN lekin asaatiza ne to
yehee baaNdhaa hai:
jiss'e aap ginte thay aashnaa, jiss'e aap kehte thay baa.vafaa
maiN vohee hooN Momin.e.mubtilaa, tumheN yaad ho k na yaad ho
(Momin)
iss zauq.e.ibtilaa kaa mazaa uss ke dam se hai
sab kuChh milaa, milaa jo dil.e.mubtilaa mujhe (BeKhud Dehlavi)
mushkil yeh hai k taqtee' meiN :mubtilaa: naheeN aa saktaa hai.
shaayad aap ne isee liye :mubtila: likhaa hai. jaisaa k aap ko ilm hai
yeh beHr.e.mudaara' kee muzaaHif shakl hai aur iss ke arkaan yooN
haiN:
maf-oo-lu faa-i-laa-tu mu-faa-ee-lu faa-i-lun
dil meiN mi (maf-oo-lu), re hazaar (faa-i-laa-tu), alam hee ja
(mu-faa-ee-lu), vaaN rahe (faa-i-lun)
qalb.o.ji (maf-oo-lu), gar bhee mubti (faa-i-laa-tu), la.e.imti
(mu-faa-ee-lu), HaaN rahe (faa-i-lun)
agar saHeeH lafz :mubtilaa: likheN to :laa: ko :muf: se zaahir karnaa
ho gaa aur yeh Ghalat ho gaa. aap dekh leN. maiN arooz kaa maahir
hargiz naheeN hooN aur Ghalatee kaa hamesha imkaan hai. agar tasHeeH
kar deN ge to mamnoon hooN gaa.
---------------------------------------------------
Khatm-e-shabaab, aamad-e-peerii kaa kyaa gilaa
gar tab.a ishq.baaz rahe, dil javaaN rahe!
:Khatm: aap ne iKhtitaam yaa Khaatime ke liye likhaa hai jo saHeeH
hai. aaKhir ham :Khatm.e.Quran: bhee kehtey haiN. lekin she'r ke
umoomee raNg meiN yeh kuChh jaNch naheeN rahaa hai. aap behtar
samajhte haiN.
----------------------------------
mahbuub-e-baa.kamaaN! mirii ulfat meN naqs hai
minnat.kash-e-davaa jo dil-e-KhuuN.chakaaN rahe
:meHboob.e.baa'kamaaN: per nazar.e.saanee kar leN to kyaa buraa hai!
yeh tarkeeb yahaaN khap naheeN rahee hai. kam se kam meree to naaqis
raa'e yehee hai.
------------------------------------------
kyaa ishq hai yahii ki rahe vo sitam.zareef
aur mere lab pe naala-o-aah-o-fuGhaaN rahe?
iss she'r meiN aap ne :sitam.zareef: ko :naala.o.aah.o.fuGhaaN: ke
muqaabil baaNdhaa hai. meraa Khayaal hai k yeh ism.e.sifat hai (maslan
kisee :sitam.zareef: ne kahaa hai---). iss liye yahaaN savaal yeh
uThtaa hai k :voh sitam.zareef: aaKhir kyaa rahe? yaa maiN aap kaa
matlab naheeN samajh rahaa hooN?
-----------------------------------------------
ik lamha-e-anaa ne judaa kar diyaa unheN
do jism the jo aur sadaa ek jaaN rahe
:lamHa.e.anaa: Khoob istai'maal kiyaa hai. bohat pasand aayaa. doosre
misre' kee bandish sust meHsoos hu'ee kyoN.k iss meiN :aur: kee
zaroorat naheeN hai. yooN aap behtar jaante haiN.
-------------------------------------------------
:Abid: maiN musht-e-Khaak to ho jaauuNgaa fanaa
shaayad miraa mataa-e-suKhan jaavidaaN rahe
vaah vaah! kyaa Khoob maqta' hai. aik savaal hai. lafz :mataa':
mu'annas hai k muzakkar? aap ne :mataa'.e.suKhan: ko muzakkar baaNdhaa
hai jab k mere Khayaal meiN iss ko mu'annas honaa chaahiye. yeh bhee
mumkin hai :mataa': donoN sooratoN meiN musta'mil ho jaise k :fikr,
bulbul: haiN. aap ko agar ilm hai to aagaah kar deN. shukriya!
majmoo'ee taur se aik nafees Ghazal se meHzooz karne ke liye shukriya
aur tehniyyat qubool keejiye!
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
Afzal A. Khan
Sarwar Alam Raz wrote:
The points raised in Sarwar Saheb's post are
mostly valid. Last night when I saw the ghazal,
I had also thought along the same lines but
deferred my response.
In the first sher(matla'), "raheN" seems quite
logical but, then, it won't be a matla' any
more !
"Manzil ki justujoo....". Here, one meaning could
be that the lover/poet has now given up his earlier
aspirations and is no longer interested in continuing
the arduous trek. The "karavaaN folks" have tried
to cajole him into continuing the journey, but he is
adamant. He no onger cares even if the caravan just
leaves him to his fate. But another point, IMHO, is
the use of the word "raahoN' in the first misra.
Normally, one would assume that the caravan had a
specific manzil in mind and wasn't just roaming
around aimlessly. What is true of the caravan also
seems true of the lover. Since the singular
"manzil" has been used, the use of the plural "raahoN"
looks rather odd.
What Sarwar Saheb has opined about the word
"mubtilaa" is quite correct. But, perhaps, the
shortened "a" at the end could be justified by
"zaroorat-e-sheri". In reading or reciting, the
expression may sound like "mubtilae imtihaaN".
"KHatm-e-Quraan" is not quite the same use as
"KHatm-e-Shabaab". The end of one's youthful
days is a gradual phase. It is not quite like
"here today, gone tomorrow". Also, if one is
young at heart (as claimed here), the question
of having a grievance ("gila") does not arise.
Maybe, "kya" in the first misra could be replaced
by "kyoN'.
"ik lamha-e-anaa....". When separation is mentioned
as a fait accompli (in the first misra), would it be
proper to use "sadaa" (forever) in the second ?
I think "mataa'" is feminine in its usage.
My compliments on a fine ghazal. Am hoping that
the other observations would not be taken as
criticism.
Afzal
Irfan 'Abid'
muhtaram Sarwar Sb, aadaab arz hai!
aap kii garaaN.qadr daad se behad Khushii huii. shukriya! aap kii
tajaaviiz par zaruur Ghaur kiyaa jayegaa. aap ke savaalaat ke
javaabaat haazir haiN.
matlaa: pahle misre kii bunat par aap kaa savaal dekh kar qadre hairat
huii. aise jumle to aam haiN jahaaN ham kahte haiN ki: vo laakh/hazaar
baRii cheez ho, mere liye kuchh nahiiN. Ghaur keejiye ki aise jumloN
meN fael (ho) kaa ta.ayyun :vo: kartaa hai, :laakh: nahiiN. mere misre
meN :hazaar: kaa istemaal isii qism kaa hai.
sher #2: lagtaa hai aap ko is sher se :khaTTe anguaroN: kii buu nahiiN
aayii! :) mazaaq bar.taraf, sher kaa mafhuum haazir hai. jahaaN tak
kaarvaaN se judaaii par iKhtiyaar kaa savaal hai, ye sahiih hai ki
umuuman fard hii majme se judaa hotaa hai. lekin kabhii kabhii
shahr-badar aur Khaana-badar kii tarah kisii kam.baKht ko
kaarvaaN-badar bhii kar diyaa jaataa hai. mere saath ye almiyah
ittifaaq se us vaqt pesh aayaa jab maiN manzil aur raahoN meN
dilchaspii kho chukaa thaa, aur kaarvaaN ke saath mahz rasman aur
muravvatan chal rahaa thaa. ummeed hai matlab saaf ho gayaa hogaa.
sher #3: yahaaN :mubtilaa: kaa alif giraayaa gayaa hai, aur jahaaN tak
mujhe ilm hai, aisaa mumkin hai. phir bhii chuuNki aap ne Tokaa hai,
maiN tasdeeq kar luuNgaa.
sher #9: yahaaN matlab ye hai ki :vo sitam.zareef (banaa) rahe:.
maqtaa: :mataa.a: un chand anokhe alfaaz meN se hai jinheN muzakkar
aur muannas donoN tarah se istemaal kiyaa jaataa hai.
aaKhir meN ek baar phir aap kii tavajjah aur sitaaish kaa shukriya!
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Sarwar Alam Raz
muHibbee Irfan saaheb: tasleemaat!
aap kee navaazish hai k meree tajaaveez ko kam se kam Ghaur.o.Khauz ke
laa'iq samajhte haiN! Khudaa kare k yeh tafakkur.o.tadabbur apne
mantiqee nataa'ij ke darvaaze bhee ham per khol dey!
(1) matle' per mere savaal se aap ko jiss qadar Hairat hu'ee uss se
ziyaadah mujh ko aap kee Hairat se Hairat hu'ee! aap ne farmaayaa hai
k
:aise jumle to aam haiN jahaaN ham kahte haiN ki: vo laakh/hazaar
baRii cheez ho, mere liye kuchh nahiiN. Ghaur keejiye ki aise jumloN
meN fael (ho) kaa ta.ayyun :vo: kartaa hai, :laakh: nahiiN. mere misre
meN :hazaar: kaa istemaal isii qism kaa hai."
kisee jumle kaa :aam: honaa uss kee fasaaHat aur shaa'iree meiN
qubooliyat ko kab se mustalzim hai? adabee beHs.o.tamHees meiN
sanjeeda dalaa'il aur mo'atabar asnaad hee qaabil.e.qubool hotee haiN.
meraa Khayaal hai k iss usool ke to aap bhee munkir naheen haiN! aap
kee yaa meree baat sanad naheeN hai aur na hee ho saktee hai. meree
mushkil yehee hai k jahaaN aam log sunee.sunaa'ee baat per takiya kar
letey haiN vahaaN maiN sanad chaahtaa hooN. chaliye maiN aap ko chand
asnaad faraaham kiye detaa hooN. fil'Haal in se kaam chal jaa'e gaa!
(a) yeh zauq.e.saleem per saaf vaazeH hai k aap ke matle' kee bunat
iss kee mutaqaazee hai k pehle misre' meiN :hai: kee bajaa'e :haiN:
isttai'maal kiyaa jaa'e. she'r kee nasr kar leejiye to baat saaf ho
jaatee hai:mere dil meiN (chaahe) hazaar alam hee javaan rahe, magar
yaa Rab! (itnaa karam farmaa k mere) laboN per (hamesha) haNsee kaa
(hee) saamaan rahe: ab bhee ko'ee shak hai to mazeed vazaaHa se maiN
ma'zoor hooN. aap hee saHeeH hoN ge!
(b) asaatiza ke yahaaN :hazaar: aur isee qabeel ke alfaaz ke aise
istai'maal kee misaaleN miltee haiN jahaaN in kaa itlaaq aik hee sha'e
per hotaa hai. albatta in ash'aar kee bunat aap ke she'r se yaksar
muKhtalif hotee hai. maiN aik misaal de rahaa hooN. aap chaaheN to
talaash ke ba'd meree baat kee mazeed tasdeeq kar leN:
safar hai shart musaafir.navaaz bohtairey
hazaar'haa shajar.e.saayadaar raah meiN hai! (Mir Dard?)
iss kaa apne duaa'iya she'r se muqaabila kar leN. farq zaahir ho jaaye
gaa! :iss se ziyaadah Haajat.e.sharH.o.bayaaN naheeN:
-------------------------------------------------
(2) :sher #2: lagtaa hai aap ko is sher se :khaTTe anguaroN: kii buu
nahiiN aayii! mazaaq bar.taraf, sher kaa mafhuum haazir hai. jahaaN
tak kaarvaaN se judaaii par iKhtiyaar kaa savaal hai, ye sahiih hai ki
umuuman fard hii majme se judaa hotaa hai. lekin kabhii kabhii
shahr-badar aur Khaana-badar kii tarah kisii kam.baKht ko
kaarvaaN-badar bhii kar diyaa jaataa hai. mere saath ye almiyah
ittifaaq se us vaqt pesh aayaa jab maiN manzil aur raahoN meN
dilchaspii kho chukaa thaa, aur kaarvaaN ke saath mahz rasman aur
muravvatan chal rahaa thaa. ummeed hai matlab saaf ho gayaa hogaa."
Hazzat! in aNgooroN se KhaTTee boo kaa aanaa kyaa Hairat kee baat hai?
yeh aNgoor to haiN hee saare ke saare khaTTe! :-)
aap kee Ghazal umooman itnee seedhee.saadee aur :saamne kee: hotee hai
k uss ko samajhne meiN mujh jaise kam.ilm ko bhee damaaGh per ziyaadah
zor naheeN Daalnaa paRtaa hai! albatta jab aap kee fikr
baland.parvaazee kee jaanib maa'il hotee hai to ash'aar kee tashreeH
ke liye aksar aap se hee darKhwaast karnee paRtee hai!
iss she'r kee jo vazaaHat aap ne bayaan kee hai voh aisee hee fikr kee
aChhee misaal hai:
(a) yeh aik taareeKhee Haqeeqat hai k kuChh musaafir vaaqa'ee
:kaarvaaN.badar: kiyee jaate thay aur unheN jangal.bayaabaan meiN
tan.e.tanhaa ChhoR kar aur un ko qaafile meiN shaamil hone se ba.zor
rok kar kaarvaan vaale aage baRh jaayaa karte thay. lekin aisaa tab
hee hotaa thaa jab kisee musaafir kaa jurm bohat hee saNgeen hotaa
thaa. maslan: uss per luTeroN se ishtiraak kaa shak ho, yaa uss kee
mojoodigee kaarvaan vaaloN kee jaan, maal yaa izzat per Khatre kaa
sabab ban rahee ho,vaGhaira. aap ne ba.zaahir aisee ko'ee Harakat
naheeN kee hai! to phir bhalaa aap ko kaarvaan.badar kyoN kiyaa jaa'e
gaa?
(b) aap kaa qusoor to sirf yeh hai k aap ko manzil aur raah kaa
ishtiyaaq naheeN rahaa hai! to yeh kon saa aisaa jurm hai jiss per
meer.e.kaarvaaN aap ko nikaal baahar kare gaa? zaahir hai k iss soorat
meiN aap Khud to kaarvaaN ko ChhoR sakte haiN lekin kisee ko aap ko
:maar.bhagaane: kee ko'ee zaroorat naheeN hai! aap kee daleel iss
qadar kamzor aur be.faiz hai k iss ko dekh kar nihaayat Hairat hu'ee.
ziyaadah Hadd.e.adab!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
(3) :sher #3: yahaaN :mubtilaa: kaa alif giraayaa gayaa hai, aur
jahaaN tak mujhe ilm hai, aisaa mumkin hai. phir bhii chuuNki aap ne
Tokaa hai, maiN tasdeeq kar luuNgaa.:
ummeed hai k aap apnee teHqeeq ke nataa'ij se ham sab ko bhee
sarfaraaz farmaa'eN ge! maiN ne kaafee talaash kiyaa lekin naa.kaam
rahaa. :mubtilaa: ke :alif: ke dabney kaa to javaaz mil saktaa hai
lekin mutlaq uss ko giraane kaa javaaz? aap koshish kar dekheN!
(4) :sher #9: yahaaN matlab ye hai ki :vo sitam.zareef (banaa) rahe:.
aap kee vazaaHat ke ba'd baat kuChh banee hai! lekin phir bhee dekh
leN kyoN.k behtaree kee kaafee gunjaa'ish nazar aatee hai.
---------------------------------------------------------
(5) :maqtaa: :mataa.a: un chand anokhe alfaaz meN se hai jinheN
muzakkar aur muannas donoN tarah se istemaal kiyaa jaataa hai.:
mujh ko chooN.k Khud bhee iss baat kee teHqeeq manzoor thee, maiN ne
justjujoo kee aur iss baat kee tasdeeq meiN asnaad faraaham keeN jo
Haazir.e.Khidmat haiN:
mataa'.e.lauH.o.qalam Chhin gayee to kyaa Gham hai?
k Khoon.e.dil meiN Dubo lee haiN uNgliyaaN maiN ne (Faiz)
balaa Ghaarat.garee aatee hai zaalim tere Ghamze ko
mataa'.e.sabr.o.taaqat sab miree ik pal meiN Ghaarat kee (Zafar)
kee guhar.rezee hamaare aabloN ne TooT kar
thaa mataa'.e.umr jo vaqf.e.bayaabaaN ho gayaa (Nasim Dehlavi)
aaKhir meiN iss dilchasp beHs ko aap ke shukriye per Khatm kartaa
hooN. tanqeed bardaasht karne ke liye baRaa dil.gurdah chaahiye. aur
aap ne iss beHs ke dauraaan apnee vus'at.e.qalb kaa suboot kaafee se
ziyaadah baham poNhchaa diyaa hai! varna mujh ko Josh Maleehabadi kaa
yeh she'r paRhne per majboor honaa paRtaa k:
aisee diloN meiN quvvat.o.vus'at kahaaN hai Josh?
apne Khilaaf baat suneN aur Khush raheN!
Khaaksaar
Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
Afzal A. Khan
Sarwar Alam Raz wrote:>
safar hai shart musaafir.navaaz bohtairey
hazaar'haa shajar.e.saayadaar raah meiN hai! (Mir Dard?)
>
>
>
>
As far as I remember, the above sher is that
of KHwaaja Aatish.
Afzal
kaamraan
> aisee diloN meiN quvvat.o.vus'at kahaaN hai Josh?
> apne Khilaaf baat suneN aur Khush raheN!
>
Sarwar sahib,
itnaa ilm tO nahiiN hai ke is behas meiN shaamil hO sakuuN, par Josh sahib
ka sher zaruur bahut pasand aayaa. Wow, that is one full line in Urdu. Aren't
you proud of me ;-)
kaamraan
Zafar
>
> aap kee vazaaHat ke ba'd baat kuChh banee hai! lekin phir bhee dekh
> leN kyoN.k behtaree kee kaafee gunjaa'ish nazar aatee hai.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> (5) :maqtaa: :mataa.a: un chand anokhe alfaaz meN se hai jinheN
> muzakkar aur muannas donoN tarah se istemaal kiyaa jaataa hai.:
>
> mujh ko chooN.k Khud bhee iss baat kee teHqeeq manzoor thee, maiN ne
> justjujoo kee aur iss baat kee tasdeeq meiN asnaad faraaham keeN jo
> Haazir.e.Khidmat haiN:
>
> mataa'.e.lauH.o.qalam Chhin gayee to kyaa Gham hai?
> k Khoon.e.dil meiN Dubo lee haiN uNgliyaaN maiN ne (Faiz)
>
> balaa Ghaarat.garee aatee hai zaalim tere Ghamze ko
> mataa'.e.sabr.o.taaqat sab miree ik pal meiN Ghaarat kee (Zafar)
>
> kee guhar.rezee hamaare aabloN ne TooT kar
> thaa mataa'.e.umr jo vaqf.e.bayaabaaN ho gayaa (Nasim Dehlavi)
vaa'e naakaamee, mataa'e e kaarvaaN jaataa rahaa
kaarvaaN ke dil se ehsaas e ziyaaN jaataa rahaa [Iqbal]
Zaf
Irfan 'Abid'
>
> The points raised in Sarwar Saheb's post are
> mostly valid. Last night when I saw the ghazal,
> I had also thought along the same lines but
> deferred my response.
Respected Afzal Sb, aadaab!
Thanks for your valuable comments. I assure you that I have taken a
very careful note of these. If you permit me, I would dare to submit
my response to some of the points raised by you. This is purely an
attempt to explain my line of thinking behind the ash.aar involved and
nothing else. I will restrict myself to points that are exclusively
yours. For the rest, you are requested to review my two replies to
Sarwar Sb.
>
> "Manzil ki justujoo....". Here, one meaning could
> be that the lover/poet has now given up his earlier
> aspirations and is no longer interested in continuing
> the arduous trek. The "karavaaN folks" have tried
> to cajole him into continuing the journey, but he is
> adamant. He no onger cares even if the caravan just
> leaves him to his fate. But another point, IMHO, is
> the use of the word "raahoN' in the first misra.
> Normally, one would assume that the caravan had a
> specific manzil in mind and wasn't just roaming
> around aimlessly. What is true of the caravan also
> seems true of the lover. Since the singular
> "manzil" has been used, the use of the plural "raahoN"
> looks rather odd.
I have explained the idea behind this sher to Sarwar Sb. The only
thing that I would like to mention here is that although the sher can
be applicable to many a manzils one could pursue, :love: will have to
be excluded from them. I don’t think one would go for his love
with a whole caravan in tow. :) At least I did not have love in mind
while composing this sher. Your point about :raahoN: being used with
the singular :manzil: is well taken. However, that is true only when
you talk about :physical manzils:, which normally have a defined path
leading to them. But physical manzils are not what I had in mind. If
that were the case, the sher will not have much appeal (as if it does
some now!). Please consider this sher about worldly goals that one
aspires to achieve in life. In case of such goals, you don't have a
fixed path. You keep discovering paths as you go by. Hence, the word
:raahoN:.
>
>
> "KHatm-e-Quraan" is not quite the same use as
> "KHatm-e-Shabaab". The end of one's youthful
> days is a gradual phase. It is not quite like
> "here today, gone tomorrow". Also, if one is
> young at heart (as claimed here), the question
> of having a grievance ("gila") does not arise.
> Maybe, "kya" in the first misra could be replaced
> by "kyoN'.
You are absolutely right! The end of one’s youth is a gradual
phenomenon, and that is exactly what I had in mind. I could not
understand if you found the word :Khatm: inappropriate here or
otherwise. IHMO, it is acceptable since it does not necessarily mean
an abrupt end. Ever heard the term :beginning of an end:? Despite the
fact that I am satisfied with it, I would still look for a more
suitable substitute simply because two very knowledgeable sets of
eyebrows have been raised on it! :) As far as :kyoN: instead of :kyaa:
is concerned, I really could not understand your point. To my lowly
linguistic sense, :kyaa: seems just fine.
>
> "ik lamha-e-anaa....". When separation is mentioned
> as a fait accompli (in the first misra), would it be
> proper to use "sadaa" (forever) in the second ?
You have raised another good point. Here I meant :always so far: (if
that means anything!).
>
> My compliments on a fine ghazal. Am hoping that
> the other observations would not be taken as
> criticism.
>
>
> Afzal
Observations of readers, even the casual ones, are always welcome. And
you being the learned reader that you are, your comments are even more
welcome. So let these come and rest assured that you will never be
misunderstood.
Sincerely,
Irfan :Abid:
Irfan 'Abid'
> muHibbee Irfan saaheb: tasleemaat!
muhtaram Sarwar Sb, aadaab!
aap kaa Khat dekhaa. chand baateN arz karne kii zaruurat mahsuus huii.
ijaazat deejiye.
sher #1: lagtaa hai yahaaN hairat-dar-hairat kaa silsilaa jaarii hai!
:) Khair, mujhe ab koii hairat nahiiN, kyoNki aap ke Khat se maaluum
ho gayaa ki :hazaar: kaa zer-e-bahs istemaal yaa to aap kii nigaah se
guzraa nahiiN, yaa aap ke zahn meN nahiiN rahaa. ab aap ke saath
diqqat ye hai ki aap baGhair sanad ke baat hii nahiiN karte! (kabhii
kabhaar Khaaksaar par :yuuN hii: aitabaar kar liyaa keejiye! :) ) so
maiN ne asanaad bhii muhayyaa kar lii haiN. lekin pahle ek :side
note:...
maiN jab aam bol chaal kaa zikr kartaa huuN to merii muraad us maahaul
kii aam bol chaal hotii hai jis se meraa vaastaa rahaa hai. is maahaul
meN aam bol chaal adabii maeyaar hii kii hotii hai. lihaazah is ke
shaairii meN istemaal meN mujhe takalluf nahiiN hotaa. vaise maze kii
baat ye hai ki aaj kal :saRak: kii aam zabaan bhii shaairii meN Khuub
bartii jaatii hai, aur sach to ye hai ki kahiiN kahiiN aisii Khuubii
se bartii jaatii hai is kaa javaab rivaayatii taraakeeb meN mutlaq
nahiiN miltaa. aap chuuNki old school se ta.alluq rakhte haiN,
lihaazah aap ko ye ravish shaayad naa.gavaar guzre. lekin meraa
maannaa hai ki fan ko un tabdeeliyoN ke liye darvaaze khule rakhne
chaahiye jo zabaan meN vaqt ke saath saath aatii rahtii haiN. zaahir
hai ki aisii jadeed taraakeeb jo haal hii meN vujuud meN aayiiN haiN,
kii misaal rivaayatii shaairii faraaham nahiiN kar saktii.
baharhaal, aaiye :hazaar: kii samt chaleN. aap Ghaliban ye kahnaa
chaah rahe haiN ki lafz-e-:hazaar: ke istemaal se faail aur fael ke
seGhe kaa jamaa honaa laazimii ho jaataa hai. aisaa nahiiN hai.
misaaleN mulaahizah hoN.
hazaar ulfat sataaye lekin mire iraadoN se hai ye mumkin
agar sharaafat ko tum ne chheRaa to zindagii tum pe vaar hogii (Dard)
maiN hazaar shakl badal chukaa chaman-e-jahaaN meN sun, ai sabaa!
ki jo phuul hai tire haath meN, kahiiN meraa laKht-e-jigar na ho
(Majrooh)
junuuN meN jitnii bhii guzrii, bakaar guzrii hai
agarche dil pe Kharaabii hazaar guzrii hai (Faiz)
sher #2: avval to ye ki merii manzil aur raastoN se be.niyaazii kaa
ilm kaarvaaN ko nahiiN hai (ye baat sirf maiN aur meraa dil jaante
haiN. duusre misre meN dil se Khitaab mulaahizah farmaaiye). kaarvaaN
to apne aap meN ye soch kar Khush hai ki mujhe nikaal kar us ne meraa
nuqsaan kiyaa hai. :) doem jahaaN tak kaarvaaN se Khiraaj kii vajh kaa
savaal hai, to mere Khayaal meN us kaa zikr laazimii nahiiN hai. vajh
koii naa.ittifaaqii bhii ho saktii hai yaa kisii ahl-e-kaarvaaN kii
mere Khilaaf saazish bhii. yahaaN ye bhii arz kartaa chaluuN ki is
sher ko aam safarii :manzil: aur :kaarvaaN: ke tanaazur meN nahiiN
kahaa gayaa hai. yahaaN muraad vo dunyaavi manzileN haiN jo taqreeban
har insaan apnii zindagii kii bahtarii kii Khaatir paanaa chaahtaa
hai. in ke husuul ke liye aksar ham ijtimaayii (yaanii kaarvaaN ke
saath) koshish karte haiN. dauraan-e-kaavish kuchh tajribaat ke baais
aksar dunyaa se jee uchaT jaataa hai aur in manziloN kii hamaare liye
koii qeemat nahiiN rahtii. lekin ab tak chuuNki kaarvaaN se ek rishtaa
ban chukaa hotaa hai, ham ye rishtaa yaklaKht toR bhii nahiiN sakte.
aaKhir ek roz jab kaarvaaN Khud hii kisii vajh se :taKhliyaa: kah
detaa hai to ham vo sher paRhte haiN jo Khaaksaar ne kahaa hai! :)
sher #3: mere yahaaN :giraanaa: aur :dabaanaa: ek hii cheez hai,
yaanii alif ko nikaal kar us se pahle ke harf kii harakat qaaim
rakhnaa. agar in meN koii farq ho to aagaah farmaayeN. aap ko maaluum
hii hai ki Farsi/Arabi alfaaz ke huruuf dabaanaa/giraanaa aam nahiiN
hai, lekin is kii misaaleN maujuud haiN. mujhe tahqeeq kii zauurat
sirf is liye mahsuus huii ki merii tarkeeb meN alif ko ek izaafat se
pahle giraayaa gayaa hai. ye :rarest of the rare: vaalaa muaamilah hai
aur maiN tasleem kartaa huuN ki is kii misaal aasaanii se nahiiN
milegii. baharhaal, maiN koshish jaarii rakkhuuNgaa, aur nateeje se
aap ko aagaah bhii karuuNgaa, inshaa.allaah.
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Afzal A. Khan
Irfan 'Abid' wrote:
Janaab Irfan Saheb,
I am grateful that my observations have been read
in the correct spirit. Sometimes, however, a few
clarifications help readers like me to appreciate
a sher or ghazal better.
In my original response I had already taken into
account Sarwar Saheb's views and, in fact, some
of my observations also related to his comments.
For example, I had tried to offer one explanation
or scenario in respect of the "Manzil ki justujoo"
sher.
While it may not be proper to weigh every sher in
terms of absolute logic, a certain amount of
plausibility makes the sher more enjoyable. And here,
I didn't quite follow your clarification viz. that
you didn't have "physical manzils" in mind. I would
have thought that "worldly goals that one aspires to
achieve in life" would also fall in the category of
"physical manzils". Here I am thinking of "physical"
in the sense of "something tangible", not in a meta -
physical sense. When there are multiple meanings in
a sher, it enhances its beauty (as in the case of
Ghalib). Lekin yahaaN, qaari ka dimaaGH sher ki taaweel
aur taujee'h men itna ulajh jaata hai ki sher ke lutf
men ziyaadati naheeN ho paati. Also, can pursuit of
"non-physical" goals be applicable to a caravan too ?
My comment about "KHatm-e-Quraan" was also in relation
to Sarwar Saheb's observation. The two uses, IMHO,
cannot be deemed as similar. Also, "ruKHsat" may be
a better alternative than "KHatm". Something like
RuKhsat huwa shabaab to kuchh GHam naheeN mujhe
Jab tab'a ishq~baaz rahe, dil jawaaN rahe !!
I mentioned this alternative simply because you said
you would still look for a more suitable substitute.
As far as "kya" or "kyoN" are concerned, I think
there is a subtle difference between them. Quite
possibly, this "difference" exists only in my mind !
When one uses "kya" in this sort of context, it
seems to connote a sense of resignation or compromise.
"Main is baat ka kya gila karooN..." seems to suggest
that "gila hai to zaroor magar is ke izhaar se koi
fa~eda naheeN". It implies a sort of acceptance that
the person does indeed have a grievance. On the other
hand, "kyoN" seems to signify a sort of challenge.
"NaheeN, main is baat ko qubool naheeN karta". The
sense is one of defiance. Aap is sher men, "kya"
ko "kyoN" se badal kar dekheN, to ho sakta hai, aap
kuchh farq mehsoos kareN. Otherwise, as I have
already mentioned, the "difference" could only be in
my mind !
I am looking forward to read (and enjoy) your next
ghazal.
Sincerely,
Afzal
Irfan 'Abid'
> be that the lover/poet has now given up his earlier
> aspirations and is no longer interested in continuing
> the arduous trek. The "karavaaN folks" have tried
> to cajole him into continuing the journey, but he is
> adamant. He no onger cares even if the caravan just
> leaves him to his fate. But another point, IMHO, is
> the use of the word "raahoN' in the first misra.
> Normally, one would assume that the caravan had a
> specific manzil in mind and wasn't just roaming
> around aimlessly. What is true of the caravan also
> seems true of the lover. Since the singular
> "manzil" has been used, the use of the plural "raahoN"
> looks rather odd.
>
Afzal Sb, aadaab!
I came across a sher by Shakeel Badayuni today and thought you may be
interested in it. Please note the plural :raaheN: with the singular
:manzil:.
duur hai manzil, raaheN mushkil, aalam hai tanhaaii kaa
aaj mujhe ahasaas huaa hai apnii shikastaa.paaii kaa
Sincerely,
Irfan :Abid:
Afzal A. Khan
Irfan 'Abid' wrote:
Irfaan Saheb,
Aap ne misaal bahut achhi faraaham ki hai.
The rules of usage followed in poetry cannot be
absolutely rigid. Each usage has to be judged in
its own context. To argue the point further could
perhaps be tautology, but here is my take on this
issue :
"RaaheN" can be applicable even if the "manzil" is
just one (or singular). The "raah" need not be
straight. The approach to the manzil can zigzag
through various cities or regions, therby justifying
the use of the plural "raaheN". Shakeel's sher is
a good example. But, IMHO, the determining factor
is the linkage between the manzil and the "raaheN".
Here, Shakeel is referring to those (specific) paths
or routes that can lead him to the his (one, specific)
manzil. In that sense, the use seems absolutely in
order.
On the other hand, in your sher under discussion, the
poet has completely dissociated himself from any
further interest in continuing the trek. He has just
given up. Jab manzil ki justujoo hee na rahi to
"raahoN" ka ishtiaq kaisa ? The point can be driven
home by using the singular form "raah", as a generic
term. I had merely used the word "odd" --- I didn't
mean that it was wrong in any way. There is no direct
linkage of "raahoN" with anything here, the manzil
having disappeared, so to say.
I am sure you must have seen my earlier post, explaining
my (quixotic ?) views about "kya" and "kyoN".
Sincerely,
Afzal
p k swami
aadaab.
ek behtareen ghazal se nawazne kaa shukriya. ghazal bohat hi achhi
bani hai.khayaal aur lafzoN kaa intikhaab purasar kaifiyat paidaa
kartaa hai, aur ghazal paRhte hi bantee hai. mubaarakbaad qabool
kareN.
aapni maalomaat meiN ijaafe ke liye kuchh likh rahaa hooN.
dil meN mire hazaar alam hii javaaN rahe
yaa rab! magar laboN pe haNsii kaa samaaN rahe
hii ko go se badalne par kaisa rahega?
___________________________________________________
manzil kii justujuu hai, na raahoN kaa ishtiyaaq
ai dil! balaa se saath na ab kaarvaaN rahe
bohat hi achha sher hai. aap ki ijaazat ho to ek koshish
pesh hai-
manzil ki justjuu hai na ab fikr.e.karvaaN
tu ru.ba.roo rahe to balaa se khizaN rahe
___________________________________________________
aaNkheN bhii aazmaaii gayiiN raah-e-zeest meN
qalb-o-jigar bhii mubtila-e-imtihaaN rahe
kyaa baat hai!vaah! bandish khoob hai.
ek halki si koshish yooN bhi ubhartee hai-
tere khayaal meiN na mili soorat.e.nijaat
qalb-o-jigar bhi mubtila-e-imtihaaN rahe
_______________________________________________________
Khatm-e-shabaab, aamad-e-peerii kaa kyaa gilaa
gar tab.a ishq.baaz rahe, dil javaaN rahe!
please see how if the first misra reads like
rukhsat na ho shabaab,hai peerii kaa zikr kyaa
gar tab.a ishq.baaz rahe, dil javaaN rahe!
______________________________________________________
saahil dikhaa, Khudaa! yaa safeenaa Dubo hii de
kab tak havaa se mahv-e-jadal baadbaaN rahe!
how do you feel with the following change
saahil dikhaa, Khudaa! yaa ban ja tu na-khudaa
kab tak havaa se mahv-e-jadal baadbaaN rahe!
in this context, mujhe ek sher yaad aataa hai-
tabahee meiN hai laazim yaad-e-haq ahle tawakkul ko
khuda par choRtaa hai nakhudaa kishtee ko toofaaN meiN
paayaa kabhii na izz-e-qadam.bosii-e-janaab
go ham tamaam umr lab-e-aastaaN rahe
vaah vaah! kyaa baat hai. Bohat khoob.
___________________________________________________
apnii Khushii kaa ek bhii lamhaa mile to kyoN!
jab iKhtiyaar-e-Ghair meN umr-e-ravaaN rahe
mahbuub-e-baa.kamaaN! mirii ulfat meN naqs hai
minnat.kash-e-davaa jo dil-e-KhuuN.chakaaN rahe
kyaa ishq hai yahii ki rahe vo sitam.zareef
aur mere lab pe naala-o-aah-o-fuGhaaN rahe?
ik lamha-e-anaa ne judaa kar diyaa unheN
do jism the jo aur sadaa ek jaaN rahe
__________________________________________________
:Abid: maiN musht-e-Khaak to ho jaauuNgaa fanaa
shaayad miraa mataa-e-suKhan jaavidaaN rahe
:Abid : main must-e-khaak hooN, vo khaak-e laa-fanaa
jiskaa sukhan vazood meiN daa’im javaaN rahe
_________________________________________________
Irfaan Saheb- aaj thoRa waqt milaa to aap ki ghazal ghaur se paRhi.
itnee pasand aaii ki bekhudee mein dekhiye kyaa himaaqat kar
baithaa.yaqeen hai k is tiflanaa harkat ko aap sanzidgii se na lenge
aur isse darguzar karte hue mujhe apni rahmat ke qaabil paayenge.
apnee ghalatee kaa ahsaas hote hi maine aage ki koshish tarq kar dee
hai. meraa yaqeen hai k-
mokoof zurm pe hi karam kaa zahoor thaa
bande agar qusoor na karte qusoor thaa.
ek behtareen ghazal par phir se shukriyaa. pl.condone the mistakes in
writing. issi radeef par kuchh aur ashaar alag se post karuNgaa. waqt
nikaal kar dekh lijiyegaa. inaayat hogee.
Regards
PK Swami
Afzal A. Khan
p k swami wrote:
Swami Saheb,
I read your post with considerable interest.
Your love for Urdu language and poetry is
really commendable. But the presence of so
many instances of 'mispronunciation" detracts
from the enjoyment such a post can engender.
Some examples :
Ijaafe ----> Izaafe
vazood ----> wujood
sanzidgii ----> sanjeedgi
tarq ----> tark
mokoof ----> mauqoof
zurm ----> jurm
At one place, you write : "Aapni maaloomaat".
I hope you didn't mean "aapki maaloomaat..." !
The reason for such "mispronunciation/s" could
perhaps be explained, if you hail from Maharashtra.
There, it is quite common for people to pronounce
"z" as "j" and "j" as "z". I am quite sure you
will give this due attention.
But the purpose of my response was not to point
out any errors. I am a little surprised (and
maybe disappointed) that you have attempted to
make wholesale changes to Irfaan Saheb's ghazal.
When a poet composes a ghazal, it is his creation.
It is another matter if he offers it to an Ustaad
for purposes of correction and improvement. In a
discussion group, we do offer suggestions and even
criticisms, but we do not attempt to rewrite the
ghazal. One or two words/expressions suggested as
substitutes are okay, but (with due respect) I
think the original ghazal needs to be left un -
touched.
These are just my views and I hope you will not mind
this response.
Afzal
p k swami
Respected Afzal Saheb
aadaab.
I am indeed grateful to you for your observations.
Mispronounciation is a big difficulty with me and it certainly
dislodges the sense of enjoyment of the reader. I am aware of it and
shall try to improve upon as much as possible. If you could kindly
give me some yardstick in this respect to test the correctness of a
word spelt,particularly for the usage of z and j where I seem to be
grossly confused, it will be a big favour.
I have neither studied Urdu language nor does my social circle
contribute additions to my knowledge. In spite of such impediments, my
love for Urdu poetry never diminishes. I am not from Maharashtra but
born and brought up in West Bengal (Calcutta).
I mean “apnee maaloomat” where you read “Aapni
maaloomaat”. Certainly not “aapki”.
You have very correctly pointed out my over-enthusiasm in making
changes in the ghazal more then necessary. I shall refrain from such
an indulgence in future. I tender my apologies to Irfan Saheb for this
innocent over-reaction. In fact I am not capable to offer any such
comments as I have many things to learn myself from persons like you
all. This act was nothing but an attempt in imagination to put before
the master the result of an exercise within the given parameter. I can
also think of the embarrassment such writing creates more so when it
does come from not even graduates like me.It is something like:
mas.alaa dar pesh hai ab to hawaaoN ke liye
par kaTe taayar ikaTThey haiN uRaanooN ke liye
you may kindly equate my above misadventure with:
ashq majbooran bahe haiN dil meiN Thaa gham kaa hazoom
bheeR itnee baR gai Thee raastaa denaa paRaa
Thank you once again,
regards
PK Swami
Irfan 'Abid'
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Afzal
Respected Afzal Sb, aadaab!
I read your comments with interest. I normally don't believe in
explanation, but since you have shown interest, I will make one last
attempt to explain my idea. Ofcourse you can form whatever opinion you
want after this. In my opinion, the meaning of a sher should be clear
as soon as it is read. That is why I seldom try to say anything else
other than the obvious translation. However, sometimes I do attempt to
imply a deeper meaning. In most cases, such attempts fall flat, simply
due to my incompetence.
First, let me admit that the word :physical: was a wrong choice. I
actually meant :physical manzils on ground:. I should have said
something like :geographical:. As I said, geographical manzils were
not my focus here.
If you read ash.aar in which the poet talks about :manzil: and
:kaarvaaN:, he is almost definitely not talking merely about road
trips or exploratory expeditions (If he is, shame on him! :) ). Like
ash.aar on :safeenaa: and :tuufaan:, where these metaphors are used
for :life: and :its struggles: (Incidentally, there is one like that
in this Ghazal, too), ash.aar on :manzil: and :kaarvaaN: are generally
about :goals: and :partners in achieving those goals:, who are
basically the people around you. If there is no mention of :kaarvaaN:,
the :manzil: is one that is pursued individually, such as the one in
Shakeel's sher I quoted in my last letter. Shakeel being what he was,
his :manzil: is likely :his love:. If there is a :kaarvaaN: in the
scheme of things, the :manzil: is one where others play an important
part in the quest. Examples of such a manzil may be social status,
recognition, fame etc. You start the quest for such goals with others
around you. Somewhere down the line, you loose interest in such
things, but don't show it. And one day, for some reason or the other,
your people shun you, thinking that it is a great punishment for you.
You laugh at their ignorance!
Now, for all ash.aar like this, there must be an obvious and complete
literal meaning. One can't have an absurd statement and hope that the
readers will dig the implied meaning out. In my case, the literal
meaning is as follows: I am not interested in any destination or the
paths leading to it, so what if my fellow travelers are not with me!
IMHO, this is a complete enough meaning for a casual reader. For an
inquisitive eye, there may be more, which I have just explained. Now
whether I am able to convey it successfully is a different story. As I
said earlier, I have seldom been successful at that.
So Afzal Sb, that is the long and short of it. If you think there is
some substance in it, give me some credit. Otherwise, forget it as a
worthless sher! :)
Sincerely,
Irfan :Abid:
Irfan 'Abid'
Swami ji, aadaab arz hai!
aaj aap ek muddat ke baad nazar aaye haiN. ummeed hai mizaaj baKhair
hoNge.
Ghazal pasand farmaane kaa bahut bahut shukriya! aap ne mere ash.aar
meN tarmeem ke zareeye kuchh savaalaat darj kiye haiN. maiN javaab to
zaruur detaa, lekin is meN chand mushkilaat haail haiN. avval to itne
saare savaalaat ke javaab kaa filhaal vaqt nahiiN hai. doem aap ke
ziyaaadahtar savaalaat kii nauiyat kuchh aisii hai ki in kaa javaab
tajribaa hii bahtar faraaham kar saktaa hai. maslan chand alfaaz aur
taraakeeb ke istemaal meN jo baareekiyaaN haiN, unheN alfaaz meN
bayaan karnaa behad mushkil hai. in kaa sha.uur asaatizah kaa kalaam
paRhte paRhte aataa hai. kuchh ek maqaamaat par aap kii tarmeem se
sher ke maanii hii badal gaye haiN. ab in par maiN kyaa arz kar saktaa
huuN! neez ek aadh misraa Khaarij.az.bahr bhii hai.
lihaazah agar aap ko naa.gavaar na guzre to maiN ye kah kar maazrat
chaahuuNgaa ki filhaal maiN koii madad nahiiN kar paauuNgaa. anqareeb
fursat huii to shaayad kuchh arz kar sakuuN. ummeed hai aap naaraaz
nahiiN hoNge.
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Yashowanto N. Ghosh
vaah---yeh ash'aar dekh kar jee Khush ho gayaa!
do-Ghazala mubaarak ho! har she'r bahut Khoob
hai, bal k har she'r Haasil e Ghazal nazar aa
rahaa hai.
aik savaal poochh letaa hooN---#5 ("saaHil dikhaa...")
ke misra' e avval meiN "yaa" kaa alif gir rahaa hai
---kyaa yeh bahut aam hai?
yeh behtareen Ghazal sunaane kaa bahut bahut shukriya!
aap kee aglee Ghazal kaa be sabree se intizaar rahegaa.
With best regards,
Jasho.
i_a...@hotmail.com (Irfan 'Abid') wrote in message news:<632bac0b.03060...@posting.google.com>...
Afzal A. Khan
Irfan 'Abid' wrote:
Janaab Irfaan Saheb,
You have touched upon some "home-truths" in
your post and, let me hasten to add, I am
wholeheartedly in agreement with your views.
I am referring to your statement that "the
meaning of a sher should be clear as soon as
it is read". Your sher about "manzil" and
"karvaaN" should also be deemed as self -
explanatory --- and the meaning is really quite
simple as you have clarified. Doubts arose only
when a friend, in all sincerity, raised some
points about the sher. In rebuttal of those
points, I had tried to give a simple explanation
of the sher in my first rejoinder. I am quoting
my earlier explanation here and you will perhaps
agree that it closely parallels your own meaning :
> "Manzil ki justujoo....". Here, one meaning could
> be that the lover/poet has now given up his earlier
> aspirations and is no longer interested in continuing
> the arduous trek. The "karavaaN folks" have tried
> to cajole him into continuing the journey, but he is
> adamant. He no onger cares even if the caravan just
> leaves him to his fate.
>
Far from being a worthless sher, I think it
signifies something that most of us have
experienced in our lifetime ---> one can
pursue certain goals (along with others)
for some length of time but a point comes
when the purported goal fails to have the
same attraction and one is inclined to leave
the pursuit to others and dissociate oneself
completely from them. In today's world,
we often refer to such a situation, for
example, as the "rat race".
So, as you say, the first meaning that strikes
the reader is in fact the correct explanation
and the sher does leave a strong impact on him.
Sincerely,
Afzal
Irfan 'Abid'
> Irfan saaHab, aadaab arz!
>
> vaah---yeh ash'aar dekh kar jee Khush ho gayaa!
> do-Ghazala mubaarak ho! har she'r bahut Khoob
> hai, bal k har she'r Haasil e Ghazal nazar aa
> rahaa hai.
>
> aik savaal poochh letaa hooN---#5 ("saaHil dikhaa...")
> ke misra' e avval meiN "yaa" kaa alif gir rahaa hai
> ---kyaa yeh bahut aam hai?
>
> yeh behtareen Ghazal sunaane kaa bahut bahut shukriya!
> aap kee aglee Ghazal kaa be sabree se intizaar rahegaa.
> With best regards,
>
> Jasho.
>
Jahso Sb, aadaab arz hai!
Ghazal par is qadar daad kaa bahut bahut shukriya! lafz-e-:yaa: kaa
alif giraayaa to jaataa hai, lekin is amr ko aam kahnaa shaayad
munaasib na ho, kyuNki is lafz ke aam istemaal (alif with a long
vowel) kii banisbat mahzuuf shakl kaa istemaal ziyaadah nahiiN
dikhaayii detaa. vaise ye istemaal itnaa aam zaruur hai ki kisii
misaal kii zaruurat nahiiN hai. phir bhii bataur tabarruk, do behad
aalaa shoraa kii do imsaal sunte jaaiye. ittifaaq se donoN nazmoN se
lee gayii haiN. yahaaN * marked misroN meN lafz-e-:yaa: kii adaaigii
par Ghaur farmaaiye.
raastaa bhuul gayaa yaa yahii manzil hai mirii
koii laayaa hai yaa Khud aayaa huuN maaluum nahiiN*
kahte haiN husn ki nazreN bhii hasiiN hotii haiN
maiN bhii kuchh laayaa huuN, kyaa laayaa huuN maaluum nahiiN
(Kaifi Azmi kii nazm :nazraanaa: se)
dil ke ujle kaaGhaz par ham kaisaa giit likheN
bolo tum ko Ghair likheN yaa apnaa miit likheN
niile ambar kii aNganaaii meN taaroN ke phuul
mere pyaase hoNToN par haiN aNgaaroN ke phuul
in phuuloN ko aaKhir apnii haar yaa jiit likheN*
(Rahi Masoom Raza kii nazm se)
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Yashowanto N. Ghosh
misaaloN kaa bahut bahut shukriya! aur Ghazal par aik baar
phir daad qubool keejiye,
With best regards,
Jasho.
i_a...@hotmail.com (Irfan 'Abid') wrote in message news:<632bac0b.0306...@posting.google.com>...