On trains...
Raza Ali Mir
neem-shab ki Khaamoshi mein zer-e-lab gaati hui
.
.
al-Garaz udti chali jati hai beKhauf-o-Khatar
shaayar-e-aatish-nafas kaa Khoon khaulatii hui
Hello ALUpers,
The train has had a tremendous metaphorical power in Third World literature,
and I was wondering if we could talk about some of the ways in which this
vehicle has been depicted in urdu poetry. Of course,
there is the famous poem by Majaaz, "raat aur rail", one of the longer
ghazals i have encountered (the first ash-aar are from that ghazal, the
rest can be seen at Nita's page at
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/6631/majaz08.html). that ghazal
is almost a laundry-list of possible metaphors that can be
used when speaking of trains. there are some delightful Hindi film songs
about trains, but I was wondering if anyone had any nice ash'aar or
nazmen or ghazliyaat on this modern (modernist) vehicle...
Thanks
Raza
rajkp...@my-deja.com
In article <7uqnv3$t...@wilde.oit.umass.edu>,
ra...@wilde.oit.umass.edu (Raza Ali Mir) wrote:
> phir chali hai rel is-Teshan se lahraati hui
> neem-shab ki Khaamushi mein zer-e-lab gaati hui
> .
> .
> al-Garaz uRti chali jaati hai be-Khauf-o-Khatar
> shaayar-e-aatish-nafas kaa Khoon khaulatii hui
>
So, Raza Saahib, let us take a ride together!
aap ne jis mauzoo' par ungali dhari hai us ka zikr ghazaloN meiN to kya
aaye ga; albatta, nazmoN meiN zaroor aaya hai. kayee baras pehle,
yaqeenan taqseem-e-mulk ke aas-paas, maiN ne 'Adabi Duniya' ke aek
shumaare meiN aek nazm paRhi thi jis ka unvaan tha ---"rel ka safar".
shaa'ir ka naam qata'an yaad naheeN magar us nazm ka ta'assur mere zehn
meiN ab bhi hai. sirf haafize ki binaa par arz kar rahaa hooN ke us
nazm ka aaghaaz yooN hota tha:
barsaat ka tha mausim, saavan ka tha maheena
qismat se ham-safar thi ik naazneeN haseena
karvaT badal rahaa tha aur Dagmagaa rahaa tha
seene ke jazr-o-mad meiN ummeed ka safeena!
You want to hear more? I know your answer very well! :-))
In any case, I don't remember it all --- except for the fact that the
poet describes the arrival of rain and the way this haseena responded
to it. I remember just a few stray lines:
Dibbe ki khiRkiyoN se aane lagaa jo paani
rukhsaar us ke bheege, bheegeeN haseen zulfeN
sharmaa ke us pari ne meri taraf jo dekha
mere laboN ki aaheN dene lageeN du'aayeN!
--------------------
jaata hua laRakpan, aati hui javaani!!!
I wish I remebered more of it.
khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
san...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
>
>
> barsaat ka tha mausim, saavan ka tha maheena
> qismat se ham-safar thi ik naazneeN haseena
> karvaT badal rahaa tha aur Dagmagaa rahaa tha
> seene ke jazr-o-mad meiN ummeed ka safeena!
>
> You want to hear more? I know your answer very well! :-))
Mohtaram Raj Kumar sahab
aadaab
excuse my ignorance but I really dont understand your comment here ,
care to enlighten us all by what do you mean ???
khair andaish
Sana
yogesh...@my-deja.com
> ra...@wilde.oit.umass.edu (Raza Ali Mir) wrote:
>
> > phir chali hai rel is-Teshan se lahraati hui
> > neem-shab ki Khaamushi mein zer-e-lab gaati hui
> > .
> > .
> > al-Garaz uRti chali jaati hai be-Khauf-o-Khatar
> > shaayar-e-aatish-nafas kaa Khoon khaulatii hui
> >
>
> So, Raza Saahib, let us take a ride together!
>
> qismat se ham-safar thi ik naazneeN haseena
> karvaT badal rahaa tha aur Dagmagaa rahaa tha
> seene ke jazr-o-mad meiN ummeed ka safeena!
>
> Dibbe ki khiRkiyoN se aane lagaa jo paani
> rukhsaar us ke bheege, bheegeeN haseen zulfeN
> sharmaa ke us pari ne meri taraf jo dekha
> mere laboN ki aaheN dene lageeN du'aayeN!
> --------------------
> jaata hua laRakpan, aati hui javaani!!!
>
> I wish I remebered more of it.
>
> khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
Here is some more on rail:
paivast hai jo dil vuh tiir khai.nchataa huu.n
ik rail ke safar ki tasviir khai.nchataa huu.n
ga.Dii me.n gungunaataa masruur jaa rahaa thaa
ajmer kii taraf se jaipur ja rahaa thaa
tezii se ju.ngalo.n me.n yuu.n rail jaa rahii thii
lailaa sitar apanaa goyaa bajaa rahii thii
ik mauj kaif parvar dil se guzar rahii thii
har chiiz dilbarii se yuu.n raqs kar rahii thii
...
thii.n rukhsatii kiran se sab Daaliyaa.n sunaharii
naagaah chalte chalte ju.ngal me.n rail thahrii
kaa.nto.n pe khuubsuurat ik baansrii pa.Dii hai
dekhaa ke ek la.Dkii maidaan me.n kha.Dii hai
...
Behosh ho chala main siine se aah nikli
Itne men raat laikar qandiil-e-maah nikli
MuR kar jo main ne dekha umiid mar chuki thi
PatRi chamak rahi thi gaaRi guzar chuki thi
-(Josh Maliihabadi)
This was first posted way back - thanks to Jamil sahib
Regards,
Yogesh Sethi
rajkp...@my-deja.com
san...@my-deja.com wrote:
> In article <7uu23b$nb5$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > barsaat ka tha mausim, saavan ka tha maheena
> > qismat se ham-safar thi ik naazneeN haseena
> > karvaT badal rahaa tha aur Dagmagaa rahaa tha
> > seene ke jazr-o-mad meiN ummeed ka safeena!
> >
> > You want to hear more? I know your answer very well! :-))
>
--------
> Mohtaram Raj Kumar sahab
>
> aadaab
>
> excuse my ignorance, but I really don't understand your comment here,
> care to enlighten us all by what you mean ???
>
> khair andaish
>
> Sana
>
---------
Sanaa Sahiba:
khat aap ka mausool hua; haalaat se aagaahi hui. maiN aap ke savaal ka
javaab fauran deta magar, az-rah-e-maslihat, yihi munaasib samjha ke
dooN ga zaraa samajh ke javaab un ki baat ka
rukh dekhtaa hooN silsila-e-vaaqe'aat ka! :-))
to, bhai, yeh comment (jis ki taraf aap ne ishaara kiya hai) dar-asl
Razaa Sahib ke liye tha. maiN jaan'na chaahata tha ke, mandarja-baala
misroN ki imqagery ke pesh-e-nazar, kya voh is nazm ka baqia hissa
sun'na chaahate bhi haiN ya naheeN? is savaal ke kayee javaab mumkin
the, jaise
1. kiyooN naheeN, Sahib? aisi lazeez bandisheN kahaaN sun'ne ko milti
haiN? agar ho sake to, bila-shuba, kuchh satareN aur sunaaiye........OR
2. huzoor, baateN to aap ki be-had mazedaar haiN magar aek public forum
ke liye munaasib naheeN lagteeN. ba-raah-e-karam, ALUP par naheeN magar
mujhe ba-raah-e-raast aap kuchh aur satareN zaroor bhejiye ga .....OR
3. naheeN Sahib, ye mavaad shareef-zaadoN aur shareef-zaadiyoN ke
sun'ne ka naheeN hai. aap ise apne paas hi rakhiye.
mera yeh kehna ke "I know your answer very well" was simply meant to
arouse Razaa Sahib's curiosity as to what answer I really expected of
him. I had no idea that my post will lull him into deep sleep and would
awaken you instead! vaaq'ii, khudaa jab dene pe aata hai to chhappar
phaaR phaaR kar deta hai!!! :-))
ab yeh bhi mumkin hai ke aap yeh samjheeN ke yeh savaal sabhi ALUPers
ke liye tha --- ya phir khasoosi taur par sirf aap ke liye tha!
ji, aisi koi baat naheeN hai --- kiyooNke ham, aadatan, tirchhe teer
naheeN phainkte! is liye, aap ki response ne to mujhe khud apna aek
puraana she'r yaad dilaa diya hai; 'farmaaya hai' ke
chhiRte hi ghazal uRne lagaa rang kisi ka
haalaaN-ke kaheeN par bhi koi naam naheeN hai! :-)) LOL
FYI, isi ghazal ka aek aur she'r hai jo aap ki nazr hai; arz hai ke
voh dil hi naheeN jis meiN tiri yaad naheeN hai!
voh lab hi naheeN jis pe tira naam naheeN hai!!!
as usual, poori ghazal phir kabhi sunaaooN ga! :-))
khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
Jamil Ahmad
yogesh...@my-deja.com wrote:
> > In article <7uqnv3$t...@wilde.oit.umass.edu>,
> > ra...@wilde.oit.umass.edu (Raza Ali Mir) wrote:
> Here is some more on rail:
>
> paivast hai jo dil vuh tiir khai.nchataa huu.n
> ik rail ke safar ki tasviir khai.nchataa huu.n
> ...
> This was first posted way back - thanks to Jamil sahib
>
> Regards,
> Yogesh Sethi
Thanks for remembering. Here is the complete nazm that I had posted
about a year ago in reply to Saleem Khanani Sahib's request. (Where is
he?)
It is difficult to find an adjective for beauty in the Urdu language
that Josh has not used in this nazm. Some vocabulary!
JUNGLE KI SHAHZAADI
by Josh Maleehabadi
Paivast hai jo dil men vuh teer khainchta hoon
Ik rail ke safar ki tasweer khainchta hoon
GaRi men gungunaata masroor ja raha tha
Ajmer ki taraf se jaipoor ja raha tha
Tezi se junglon men yoon rail ja rahi thi
Laila sitar apna goya bajaa rahi thi
Khursheed chhup raha tha rangeen pahaReeon men
Taa'oos par samaite, baithey they jhaReeon men
Kuchh door par thaa paani maujain rukee hui theen
Taalaab ke kinaarey shaakhen jhukee hui theen
Lehron men koi jaisey dil ko dabo rahaa tha
Main so rahaa hoon aisa mehsoos ho raha tha
Ik mauj kaif-parvar dil se guzar rahee thee
Har cheez dilbaree se yoon raqs kar rahee thee
Theen rukhsati kiran se sab daalian sunehree
Naagaah chalte chalte jungle men rail thehri
Kaanton peh khoobsoorat ik baansri paRi hai
Dekha keh aik laRki maidaan men khaRi hai
Zaahid fareb, gul rukh, kaafir daraaz mizhgaan
Seemeen badan, paree rukh, naukhaiz, hashr saamaan
Khush chashm, khoobsoorat, khush waza, mah-paikar
Naazak-badan, shakar-lab, sheereen-adaa, fasoon-gar
Kaafir-adaa, shagufta gul pairhan, saman-boo
Sarv-e-chaman, sahee-qad, rangeen jamaal khushroo
Gaisoo-kamand, mahwash, kaafoor-faam qaatil
Nazzaara-soz, dilkash, sarmast, shama mehfil
Abroo hilaal, mai-goon, jaan-bakhsh,rooh-parwar
Nasreen-badan, pari-rukh, seemeen-'azaar dilbar
Aahoo-nigaah, nauras, gulgoon, behesht-seema
Yaaqoot-lab, sadaf-goon, sheereen, buland baala
Ghaaratgar-e-tahammul, dilsoz dushman-e-jaan
Parwarda-e-manaazar, dosheeza-e-biyaabaan
Gulshan-farogh, kamsin, makhmoor, maah-paara
Dibar keh dar kaf-e-oo mom ast sang-e-khara
Har baat aik afsoon, har saans aik jaadoo
Qudsi-fareb mizhgaan, yazdaan-shikaar gaisoo
Sahraa ki zeb-o-zeenat, fitrat ki noor-e-deedah
Barsaat ke mulaayam taaron ki aafreedah
Chehre peh rang-e-tamkeen, aankhon men beqaraari
Eemaa-e-seena kobi, farmaan-e-baada khaari
Loha tapaane waali jalwon ki zofishaani
Sikke bithaane waali uthti hui javaani
Doobe huey sab e'zaa husn-e-munaasabat men
Paali hui gulon ke aaghosh-e-tarbeeyat men
Husn-e-azal hai ghaltaan shaadab pankhRi men
Ya jaan paR gayee hai jungle ki taazgi men
Hoorain hazaar dil se qurbaan ho gayee hain
Rangeeneean simat kar insaan ho gayee hain
Cheen-e-sitamgari se naa aashna jabeen hai
Main kon hoon yeh isko ma'aloom hee naheen hai
Har cheez par nigaahen hairat se daalti hai
reh reh ke uRne waali chaadar sambhaalti hai
Aanchal sambhaalne men yoon bal se khaa rahi hai
Goyaa theher theher kar angRaaee aa rahi hai
Kuchh der tak to main ne usko baghor dekha
Ghash khaa rahi thi uqba, chakraa rahi thi dunya
GaRi se phir utar kar uske qareeb aaya
Toofaan-e-bekhudi men phir yeh zabaan se nikla
Ai dars-e-aadmiyat, ai shaa'iri ki jannat
Ai saana-e-azal ki naazak tareen san'at
Ai rooh-e-sanf-e-nazak ai shama bazm-e-aalam
Ai subh-e-roo-e-khandaan ai shaam-e-zulf-e-barham
Chashm-o-chiragh-e-sahraa ai noor-e-dasht-e-waadi
Rangeen jamaal devi, jungle ki shahzaadi
Basti men too jo aaey ik hashr sa bapaa ho
Aabaadion men halchal shehron men ghughula ho
Rindaan-e-baada kash ke haathon se jaam chhuten
Tasbeeh-e-shaikh uljhey tauba ke 'azm tooten
Nazron se itteqaa ke rasm-o-rawaaj utren
Zuhhad ke 'amame, shaahon ke taaj utren
Aankhen hon ashk afshaan naale sharar fashaan hon
Kia kia na shaa'iron ke malboos dhajjian hon
Shehron ke mahvashon par ik aasmaan tootey
Parvardah-e-tamaddun 'ashwon ki nabz chhootey
Is saadagi se niklen sab ke dilon se aahain
Jhuk jaa'en dilbaron ki khud saakhta nigaahain
Teri adaa ke aagey sharmaa ke munh chhupaa'en
Naape huey karishme toli hui adaa'en
Teri nazar ki roo se ho jaa'en khasta-o-gum
Mashq-o-muzaawalat ke paaley huey tabassum
Amn-o-amaan ke rukh ko be aab-o-rang kar de
Dunyaa ko husn tera maidaan-e-jang kar de
Kitni hi qismaton ke badle falak navishte
Khoon aur dosti ke kat jaa'en kitne rishte
Tasneef hon hazaaron chubhte huey fasaane
In pankhRion ki zad par kaanpen sharaab khaane
Taire pujaarion men maira bhi naam hota
Ai kaash junglon men maira qayaam hota
Yeh ban yeh gul yeh chashme mujh se qareeb hote
Shaa'ir ke zer-e-farmaan yeh sab raqeeb hote
Kion mairi guftugoo se hairat farosh kiyon hai
Ai zamzamon ki devi itni khamosh kiyon hai
Bajne lagain wafaa ki mehfil men shaadiyane
Haan de labon ko junbash ai sarhadi taraane
Yoon chup hai mujh se goyaa kuchh kaam hi naheen hai
Yeh vuh adaa hai jis kaa kuchh naam hi naheen hai
Sun'na tha yeh keh zaalim is tarha muskaraa'i
Faryaad ki nazar se armaan ne di duhaai
'Ashwa jabeen peh lai kar dil ki umang aayaa
Chehre peh khoon dauRa aankhon men rang aayaa
Sharmaa ke aankh uthaai zulfon peh haath phairaa
Itne men rafta rafta chhaane laga andhera
Chamka diyaa hayaa ne har naqsh-e-dilbari ko
Daanton men yoon dabaaya chaandi ki aarsi ko
Sun kar meri machalti aankhon ki daastaanen
Uski nigaah men bhi ghaltaan hu'een zabanen
Sharmaa ke phir dobaara zulfon peh haath phaira
Dekha to chhaa chuka tha maidaan par andhaira
Kuchh jism ko churaaya kuchh saans ko sambhaala
Kaandhey peh narm aanchal angRaai laike daala
Taareek karke mairi aankhon men ik zamaana
Jungle se sar jhuka kar hone lagi rawaana
Hone lagi ravaana armaan ne sar jhukaaya
Dil ki misaal kaanpa reh reh ke ban ka saaya
Behosh ho chala main seene se aah nikli
Itne men raat laikar qandeel-e-maah nikli
MuR kar jo main ne dekha umeed mar chuki thi
PatRi chamak rahi thi gaaRi guzar chuki thi
----------------------------------------
Jamil
Raza Ali Mir
Taaqeer ke liye maazerat. Was out of town.
By the way, you guessed my response exactly. How can I (or anyone else
on this list) pass up your delectable offerings! Thanks to you and to
Yogesh/jamil sahebaan for the Josh poem.
Dar asal, I was trying to recall some urdu poetry that explicitly
celebrated modernity. The train seems to have played the role of
an artifact of modernity. it is made of steel, travels straight,
runs right through nature, and belches smoke, is fast, dependable and
facilitates journeys. (of course, the incurable urdu poet, and the
young-hearted rasik like yourself remembered a delightful
romantic poem - and as an aside, some of the best hindi movie songs
from "ooparwaala jaan kar anjaan hai" to "mere sapnon ki rani"
involved trains).
but seriously, any good poems on modernist artifacts? factories,
maybe? postmen? i remember a poem by sahir on the launch of the
sputnik, which was called "mere ohde ke haseeno". a long poem,
which proudly, almost vainly announced the conquest of stars and
space... imagining that at some point in time, we may see
inter-galactic romances. Sahir meets Star Trek...
i will try and transcribe it from memory...
MERE OHDE KE HASEENO
by Sahir Ludhianvi
(Sputnik ki eejaad par)
Wo sitaare jin ki qaatir, kai beqaraar sadiyaaN
Meri teera-bakht duniya mein sitaara-vaar jaage
Kabhi raf-aton pe lapke, kabhi vus'aton se uljhe
Kabhi sogvaar soye, kabhi naghmabaar jaage
Wo buland-baam taare, wo falak-maqaam taare
Jo nishaan deke apna rahe be-nishaaN hamesha
Wo haseeN, wo noor-zade, wo qila ke shaahzaade
Jo hamaari qismaton par rahe hukmaraaN hamesha
Jinhe muzmahil diloN ne abadi panaah jaana
Thhake haare qaafiloN ne jinhe qazr-e-raah jaana
Jinhe kamsinoN ne chaaha ke lapak ke pyaar kar leN
Jinhe mahvashoN ne maanga, ke gale ka haar kar leN
Jinhe aashiqoN ne chaaha, ke falak se tod laayeN
Kisi raah par bichaayeN, kisi sej par sajaayeN,
Jinhe matraboN ne chaaha, ke sanam banaa ke poojeN
Wo jo door ke haseeN haiN, unhe paas laa ke poojeN
Jo hazaar koshishoN par bhi shumaar meiN na aaye
Kabhi qaak-e-be-bazaa'at ke dayaar meiN na aaye
Joh hamaari dast-ras se rahe door-door ab tak
HameN dekhte rahe haiN jo ba-sad ghuroor ab tak
(Finally...)
Mere ohde ke haseeno, wo nazar navaaz taare
Mera daur-e-ishq-parwar tumhe nazr de raha hai
Wo junooN jo aab-o-aatish ko aseer kar chuka hai
Wo qila ki vus'atoN se bhi qiraaj le raha hai
Mere paas rehne waalo, mere baad aane waalo
Mere daur ka ye tohfa tumhe saazgaar aaye
Kabhi tum qilaa se guzro, kisi seem-tan ke qaatir
Kabhi tum ko dil meiN rakh-kat koi gul-ozaar aaye
tab...@my-deja.com
Nice nazm by Sahir, I have not heard/read this before but I think
title of nazm must be 'Mere Ehad ke heesno'.
What is 'sitaara-vaar' in second line means ???
Also last line doesnt sound correct, may be Raj kumar saheb can
correct it ( along with ur transliteration mistakes :-)).
--
tabassum
Vijay S. Bajwa
Aaj ke naam, aur aajke gham ke naam
Yeh gham jo hai bhare gulsitaa.n se khafa
....
...
Postmano.n ke naam, rail-baano.n ke naam
....
Afsurda clerko.n ke naam
etc. etc
These refrains are to be found in poetry emanating from the progressive
movement. I agree, though, these images should be the subject of
poetry, if poetry is to have meaning and relevance
Raza Ali Mir wrote:
--
Vijay S. Bajwa
This message best viewed with a monitor and a computer
---------1---------2---------3---------4---------5---------6---------7---------8
Raza Ali Mir
idea, not having the poem around. it poked its way out of some
interstices of the memory.
i apologize to the transliteration police in advance :-)
vijay...@my-deja.com
tab...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Aadab Raza,
> What is 'sitaara-vaar' in second line means ???
> Also last line doesnt sound correct, may be Raj kumar saheb can
> correct it ( along with ur transliteration mistakes :-)).
>
> --
> tabassum
>
sitaaraa-vaar means 'sitaaroN ki tarah'. I am amzed at Raza Sahib's
memory. He has produced almost all off this naz'm with only very few
errors. I have the full naz'm and will try to post it within the next
few days. You are right about the last line. Raj Kumar Sahib se maazrat
ke saath (for preempting him) meN aaKhrii do satreN post kar raha hUN:
kabhi tum Kh'laa se guzro kisii siimtan ki Khaatir
kabhi tumko dil meN rakh kar koii gul-a'zar aae
Respectfully,
Vijay Kumar
rajkp...@my-deja.com
In article <7v7a8c$66h$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
tab...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Aadab Raza,
> Nice nazm by Sahir, I have not heard/read this before but I think
> title of nazm must be 'Mere Ehad ke heesno'.
> What is 'sitaara-vaar' in second line means ???
> Also last line doesnt sound correct, may be Raj kumar saheb can
> correct it ( along with ur transliteration mistakes :-)).
>
> tabassum
>
--------------
Tabassum ji:
sadaa khush raho aur yooN hi 'mutabassim' nazar aati raho!
yaad-aavari ka shukriya. ab, jabke aap ke donoN savaaloN ka javaab
Vijay Kumar Sahib ne de hi diya hai, is liye mera kuchh mazeed kehna
zaroori naheeN rahaa. albatta, aek baat zaroor aisi hai jo aap ko
bataaye baghair naheeN reh sakta.
voh yeh ke jab maiN ne, is nazm par, aap ka tarmeem-shuda unvaan paRhaa
to aakhiri lafz par aa kar zaraa aTak sa gayaa ke yeh 'heesno' kya
balaa hai? yeh koi transliteration vaali baat to hai naheeN. fauran
zehn meiN yeh khayaal ubhra ke (is unvaan ko type karte vaqt) asl
lafz 'haseeno' ne shaa'id aap ko kuchh self-conscious sa kar diya hoga
aur is vajah se aap ki ungaliyaaN ghaaliban idhar-udhar paRne lagi hoN
gi! :-))
yeh khayaal aate hi, mere muNh se --- "tabassum" ki is laghzish par ---
aek be-saakhta "qahqahaa" chhooTa!!! :-)) LOL
khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
rajkp...@my-deja.com
In article <7v7rn7$8...@lessing.oit.umass.edu>,
ra...@lessing.oit.umass.edu (Raza Ali Mir) wrote:
> i apologize to the transliteration police in advance :-)
>
>
vah, Razaa Sahib. aap ne to 'transliteration police' ko tafteesh karne
ka mauqa' hi naheeN diya. pesh-az-vaqt mu'aafi maang kar, har sipaahi
ko 'disarm' kar ke rakh diya!
bhai, aap ki is 'adaa' par aek she'r yaad aaya hai. arz hai ke
hashr meiN, maiN shikva-e-bedaad karne ko uTha
[goya, abhi shikva kiya bhi naheeN tha; sirf shikva karne ka tahaiya
kiyaa tha] --- ke kya hua?
Daal kar baaheN gale meiN kar diya paani mujhe!!!
ab bataaiye, kya tafteesh kareN aap ki? :-))
khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
rajkp...@my-deja.com
In article <7v8b3d$ulf$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
vijay...@my-deja.com wrote:
> ---- I have the full naz'm and will try to post it within the next
> few days. You are right about the last line. Raj Kumar Sahib se
> maazrat
> ke saath (for preempting him) meN aaKhrii do satreN post kar raha hUN:
>
>
> kabhi tum Kh'laa se guzro kisii siimtan ki Khaatir
> kabhi tumko dil meN rakh kar koii gul-a'zar aae
>
Vijay Kumar Sahib:
Thanks for answering Tabassum Sahiba's questions and for volunteeering
to post the full nazm afresh. I had several questions to ask of Razaa
Sahib but he, quite smartly, has disarmed me altogether. So I now turn
to you (because you happen to have this poem with you), with only two
questions.
1. Looking at the last two lines of the poem, one wonders how this
could be an address to haseena(s)! They, in my opinion, wouldn't
(ordinarily) be roaming around in search of seem-tan(s)! May be, the
title of the poem is "mire aihd ke javaano!". Please confirm.
2. In the opening stanza of the poem, the subject seems to
be 'sadiyaaN', rather than 'sitaare'. If so, shouldn't the verbs
jaage, lapke, uljhe and soye
be
jaageeN, lapkeeN, uljheeN and soyeeN?
I have many more questions but these two may suffice for the time being.
khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
tab...@my-deja.com
Bahut khoob Raj kumar saheb,
Maan gaye keh ustaad phir ustaad hai, aur ham jaise shagirdon ko
aage baDh kar islaah ki koshish nahi karni chaahiye warna is tarha munh
ki khaani hogi :-) :-). Yun bhi Raza saheb ne pehle hi mafi maang li
thi isliye aap ka takhta-e-mashq main hi ban sakti thi :-)
---
-tabassum
In article <7vacr4$egf$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Tabassum ji:
>
> sadaa khush raho aur yooN hi 'mutabassim' nazar aati raho!
>
> yaad-aavari ka shukriya. ab, jabke aap ke donoN savaaloN ka javaab
> Vijay Kumar Sahib ne de hi diya hai, is liye mera kuchh mazeed kehna
> zaroori naheeN rahaa. albatta, aek baat zaroor aisi hai jo aap ko
> bataaye baghair naheeN reh sakta.
>
> voh yeh ke jab maiN ne, is nazm par, aap ka tarmeem-shuda unvaan
paRhaa
> to aakhiri lafz par aa kar zaraa aTak sa gayaa ke yeh 'heesno' kya
> balaa hai? yeh koi transliteration vaali baat to hai naheeN. fauran
> zehn meiN yeh khayaal ubhra ke (is unvaan ko type karte vaqt) asl
> lafz 'haseeno' ne shaa'id aap ko kuchh self-conscious sa kar diya hoga
> aur is vajah se aap ki ungaliyaaN ghaaliban idhar-udhar paRne lagi hoN
> gi! :-))
> yeh khayaal aate hi, mere muNh se --- "tabassum" ki is laghzish par --
-
> aek be-saakhta "qahqahaa" chhooTa!!! :-)) LOL
>
> khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
>
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Before you buy.
>
--
tabassum
vijay...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
>
> 1. Looking at the last two lines of the poem, one wonders how this
> could be an address to haseena(s)! They, in my opinion, wouldn't
> (ordinarily) be roaming around in search of seem-tan(s)! May be, the
> title of the poem is "mire aihd ke javaano!". Please confirm.
>
> 2. In the opening stanza of the poem, the subject seems to
> be 'sadiyaaN', rather than 'sitaare'. If so, shouldn't the verbs
> jaage, lapke, uljhe and soye
> be
> jaageeN, lapkeeN, uljheeN and soyeeN?
>
> I have many more questions but these two may suffice for the time
being.
>
> khair-andesh, Raj Kumar
>
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Before you buy.
>
Rak Kumar Sahib, you are absolutely right about point no. 2. Regarding
the title of the poem, it is indeed 'mire ehad ke hasiino'. I think
Sahir has used 'hasiino' to denote both sexes. I post the naz'm below,
see if you agree.
Mire Ehad Ke Hassino
voh sitaare jin kii Khatir kai bekraar sadiiaaN
mirii tiirabaKht dunya meN sitaaravaar jagiiN
kabhi rif'atoN pe lapkiiN, kabhi vas'atoN se uljhiiN
kabhi sogvaar soiiN, kabhi naghma-baar jagiiN
voh bulland-baam taare, voh falak-m'qaam taare
voh nishaan de ke apnaa, reahe be-nishaaN hamesha
voh hasiiN, voh noor-zaade, voh Kh'laa ke shaah-zaade
jo hamaarii qismtoN pe rahe hukm'raaN hamesha
jinheN muz'm'hil diloN ne abdii-p'naah jaanaa
thake haare qaafiloN ne jinheN Khiz're raah jaanaa
jinheN kamsinoN ne chaahaa ki lapak ke pyaar kar leN
jinheN mehvishoN neN maaNgaa ki gale kaa haar kar leN
jinheN aashiqoN neN chaahaa ki falak se toR laaeN
kisii raah meN bicchaaeN, kisii sej par sajaaeN
jinheN butgaroN ne chaahaa ki sanam banaa ke poojeN
yeh jo door ke hasiiN heN inheN paas laa ke poojeN
jinheN mutriboN ne chaahaa ki s'daaoN meN pro leN
jinheN shaayroN ne chaahaa ki Khyaal meN samo leN
jo hazaar koshishoN par bhii shumaar men na aae
kabhi Khaak-e-be-b'zaa'at ke dyaar men na aae
jo hamaarii dastras se rahe door door abtak
hameN dekhte rahe heN jo basad gharoor ab tak
mire ehad ke hasiino! voh nazar-n'vaaz taare
miraa daur-e-ishaq-parvar tumheN nazar de raha hai
voh janooN jo aab-o-aatish ko asiir kar chukaa thaa
voh Kh'laa ki vas'aatoN se bhi Khiraaj le raha hai
mire saath rehne vaalo! mire baad aane vaalo
mere daur kaa ye tohfaa tumheN saaz gaar aae
kabhi tum Kh'laa se guzro kisii siim tan kii Khatir
kabhi tum ko dil meN rakh kar koii gul'azaar aae
Sahir wrote this at the launch of Saputnik. It is included in his
collection 'TalKhiiaaN'.
Respectfully,
Vijay Kumar