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Ghazal: “murdah huuN aur phir bhii…”

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Irfan Abid

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Aug 8, 2021, 1:35:27 PM8/8/21
to
aadaab, dosto!

ek taazah Ghazal haazir-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.

Ghazal

murdah huuN aur phir bhii jiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
yaanii ki zehr-e-zeest piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

vaise bhii kyaa thii un se tavaqqo’ koii mujhe
armaan-e-naa.tamaam liye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

yuuN Khud ko bazm-e-shauq meN rusvaa-o-sharm.saar
karnaa nahiiN thaa, phir bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

saaqii, tirii nigaah-e-karam kii umeed meN
muddat se apne ashk piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

munsif kii zid yih hai ki maiN mujrim qaraar paauuN
haalaaNki har safaaii diye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

ranj-o-alam ko dil meN chhupaa bhi rahaa huuN aur
chehre ko aainaa bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

:Abid: bharam to rakhnaa hai pindaar-e-ishq kaa
daaman ke saath lab bhii siye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

Naseer

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Aug 9, 2021, 6:56:44 AM8/9/21
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janaab-i-Irfan SaaHib, aadaab 3arz hai

aap kii Ghazal paRhii. bahut pasand aa'ii. merii jaanib se daad qubuul kiijiye. hamesh kii tarH aap kii Ghazal kaa "mood" sanjiidah hai!:-)

ek-aadh savaal...

aap apnii transliteration meN یعنی aur یانی kaa farq kyuN nahiiN karte? jahaaN tak mujhe 3ilm hai यानी Hindi bolne aur likhne vaaloN kaa taur-tariiqah hai.

"armaan-i-naa-tamaam"-- kyaa yahaaN aap ek armaan kii baat kar rahe haiN yaa ek se zaa'id? is qism kii tarkiib meN, jahaaN tak Urdu kaa ta3alluq hai, mere zihn meN hameshah yih savaal aataa hai.

kyaa muHaavarah "aa'iinah karnaa" hai yaa "aa'iinah kar denaa"?

navaazish.

Naseer

Irfan Abid

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Aug 14, 2021, 12:46:17 PM8/14/21
to
On Monday, August 9, 2021 at 6:56:44 AM UTC-4, Naseer wrote:
> On Sunday, 8 August 2021 at 18:35:27 UTC+1, Irfan Abid wrote:
> > aadaab, dosto!
> >
> > ek taazah Ghazal haazir-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
> >
> > Ghazal
> >
> > murdah huuN aur phir bhii jiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> > yaanii ki zehr-e-zeest piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > vaise bhii kyaa thii un se tavaqqo’ koii mujhe
> > armaan-e-naa.tamaam liye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > yuuN Khud ko bazm-e-shauq meN rusvaa-o-sharm.saar
> > karnaa nahiiN thaa, phir bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > saaqii, tirii nigaah-e-karam kii umeed meN
> > muddat se apne ashk piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > munsif kii zid yih hai ki maiN mujrim qaraar paauuN
> > haalaaNki har safaaii diye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > ranj-o-alam ko dil meN chhupaa bhi rahaa huuN aur
> > chehre ko aainaa bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > :Abid: bharam to rakhnaa hai pindaar-e-ishq kaa
> > daaman ke saath lab bhii siye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> >
> > niyaazmand,
> > Irfan :Abid:
> janaab-i-Irfan SaaHib, aadaab 3arz hai
>
> aap kii Ghazal paRhii. bahut pasand aa'ii. merii jaanib se daad qubuul kiijiye. hamesh kii tarH aap kii Ghazal kaa "mood" sanjiidah hai!:-)
>
Naseer sb, aadaab arz hai!

qadr.daanii ke liye mamnuun huuN. bahut bahut shukriya!

> ek-aadh savaal...
>
> aap apnii transliteration meN یعنی aur یانی kaa farq kyuN nahiiN karte? jahaaN tak mujhe 3ilm hai यानी Hindi bolne aur likhne vaaloN kaa taur-tariiqah hai.
>

yih merii kotaahii hai. mujhe “ya’nii” likhnaa chaahiye.

> "armaan-i-naa-tamaam"-- kyaa yahaaN aap ek armaan kii baat kar rahe haiN yaa ek se zaa'id? is qism kii tarkiib meN, jahaaN tak Urdu kaa ta3alluq hai, mere zihn meN hameshah yih savaal aataa hai.
>

mere zihn mein sirf ek armaan thaa. mere Khayaal meiN murakaabaat meN seGha jama’ ke liye “armaanhaa-e-naa.tamaam” bartaa jaayegaa. aap ko ilm hogaa ki Farsi ke kuchh alfaaz Urdu meN agar tanhaa hoN to vaahid aur jama’ donoN tarah iste’maal hote haiN. maslan “Gham hai” bhii ravaa hai aur “Gham haiN” bhii. lekin izaafat kaa usuul muKhtalif hai. izaafat meN “Gham-e-dil hai” to Theek hai, lekin “Gham-e-dil haiN” Theek nahiiN. is kii jagah “Ghamhaa-e-dil haiN” kehnaa chaahiye.

> kyaa muHaavarah "aa'iinah karnaa" hai yaa "aa'iinah kar denaa"?
>

mere liye yih kehnaa mushkil hai ki sahiih muhaavraa kyaa hai. maiN ne donoN suurateN dekhii haiN, maslan:

achchhe lagoge aur bhii itnaa kiyaa karo
aaNkhoN ko merii apne liye aainaa karo (Tariq Rashid Darvesh)

vaqt Khud apne chehre se Dar jaaegaa
maiN ne ehsaas ko aainaa kar diyaa (Hasan Nizami)

> navaazish.
>
> Naseer
>
ek martaba phir navaazish kaa bahut bahut shukriya!

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

Zoya

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Aug 14, 2021, 8:40:04 PM8/14/21
to
On Sunday, August 8, 2021 at 12:35:27 PM UTC-5, Irfan Abid wrote:
> aadaab, dosto!

aadaab, Irfan sahib,

> ek taazah Ghazal haazir-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.

maiN ne aap kii taazah ghazal chand roz qabl paRh to lii thii, magar samajh meN nahiiN aa rahaa thaa k kyaa kahuuN, so taaKhiir ke liye muaaf kiijiye ga.

ek to aaj kal har taraf hii mahaul udaas hai, aur us par aap kii udaas ghazal. :(
But I understand, it is hard to write or even think of lighter stuff these days. The rising cases of Delta, general pandemic fatigue, fires and floods and landslides and earthquakes, just too much going on everywhere.

Despite all this, aap apne jazbaat ko is qadar dil_aavez aandaaz meN bayaan kar paate haiN, baRii baat hai. You are truly gifted, and I appreciate you sharing the gift with us.

Irfan sahib, aaKhir aap kii ghazal hai. 'mood' koii bhii ho, daad ke to aap hamesha haq_daar hote haiN, so merii jaanib se dilii daad qubuul kiijiye.

> Ghazal
>
> murdah huuN aur phir bhii jiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> yaanii ki zehr-e-zeest piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

See, this is why I couldn't say anything for a few days. jab ghazal kaa aaghaaz hii lafz 'murdah' se ho rahaa ho, phir to maiN bas dua' hii de saktii huuN.
jiite rahiye. aur gaate rahiye. :)

> vaise bhii kyaa thii un se tavaqqo’ koii mujhe
> armaan-e-naa.tamaam liye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

This actually made me pause, I started wondering about 'un', like the ambiguity. :)

> yuuN Khud ko bazm-e-shauq meN rusvaa-o-sharm.saar
> karnaa nahiiN thaa, phir bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

Stop please. vaise yeh kis bazm kii baat ho rahi hai?!

> saaqii, tirii nigaah-e-karam kii umeed meN
> muddat se apne ashk piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

Good. Hope is always good.

> munsif kii zid yih hai ki maiN mujrim qaraar paauuN
> haalaaNki har safaaii diye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

Irfan sahib, honestly when I first read your ghazal, the above she'r somehow seemed odd to me, it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the asha'ar. Is it just me, or is it a valid point?

> ranj-o-alam ko dil meN chhupaa bhi rahaa huuN aur
> chehre ko aainaa bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

Nice! aap ne shaayad 'majlisii tabassum' kaa hunar nahiiN siikhaa. mujhe aataa hai. :-)

> :Abid: bharam to rakhnaa hai pindaar-e-ishq kaa
> daaman ke saath lab bhii siye jaa rahaa huuN maiN

Hmmmm, something to think about. Maybe this works better than saying:

"kuchh to mire pindaar-e-muhabbat kaa bharam rakh
tuu bhii to kabhii mujh ko manaane ke liye aa!"

> niyaazmand,
> Irfan :Abid:

Thanks Irfan sahib, keep writing and keep sharing. It is always a 'joy' to read your poetry, even your 'sad' poetry. :)

_________Zoya

Naseer

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Aug 17, 2021, 5:43:48 AM8/17/21
to
Irfan SaaHib, aadaab.

Thank you for the detailed reply. It is much appreciated.

On Saturday, 14 August 2021 at 17:46:17 UTC+1, Irfan Abid wrote:

> Naseer sb, aadaab arz hai!
>
>
> > "armaan-i-naa-tamaam"-- kyaa yahaaN aap ek armaan kii baat kar rahe haiN yaa ek se zaa'id? is qism kii tarkiib meN, jahaaN tak Urdu kaa ta3alluq hai, mere zihn meN hameshah yih savaal aataa hai.
> >
> mere zihn mein sirf ek armaan thaa. mere Khayaal meiN murakaabaat meN seGha jama’ ke liye “armaanhaa-e-naa.tamaam” bartaa jaayegaa. aap ko ilm hogaa ki Farsi ke kuchh alfaaz Urdu meN agar tanhaa hoN to vaahid aur jama’ donoN tarah iste’maal hote haiN. maslan “Gham hai” bhii ravaa hai aur “Gham haiN” bhii. lekin izaafat kaa usuul muKhtalif hai. izaafat meN “Gham-e-dil hai” to Theek hai, lekin “Gham-e-dil haiN” Theek nahiiN. is kii jagah “Ghamhaa-e-dil haiN” kehnaa chaahiye.
> > kyaa muHaavarah "aa'iinah karnaa" hai yaa "aa'iinah kar denaa"?

I think I asked you the wrong question or in another words a question that was really related to something else. In the armaan-i-naa-tamaam construction, the word naa-tamaam is a sifat/adjective. So here, the first word is singular and as you have said for a plural meaning, -haa is added to it. I had in mind a construction such as "saNg-i-rah" ...

aatii hai naddii faraaz-i-koh se gaatii hu'ii
kausar-o-tasniim kii maujoN ko sharmaatii hu'ii
aa'iinah-saa shaahid-i-qudrat ko dikhlaatii hu'ii
saNg-i-rah se gaah bachtii gaah Takraatii hu'ii

Here clearly "saNg-i-rah" is not "raaste kaa patthar" but "raaste ke patthar". So, this is what I meant when I said, " is qism kii tarkiib meN, jahaaN tak Urdu kaa ta3alluq hai, mere zihn meN hameshah yih savaal aataa hai." In another context, "saNg-i-rah" could mean "raaste kaa patthar". So it seems in Urdu at least, the meaning is context based.

> mere liye yih kehnaa mushkil hai ki sahiih muhaavraa kyaa hai. maiN ne donoN suurateN dekhii haiN, maslan:
>
> achchhe lagoge aur bhii itnaa kiyaa karo
> aaNkhoN ko merii apne liye aainaa karo (Tariq Rashid Darvesh)
>
> vaqt Khud apne chehre se Dar jaaegaa
> maiN ne ehsaas ko aainaa kar diyaa (Hasan Nizami)
>

Thank you for the examples. I asked the question because a couple of dictionaries I checked only give "aa'inah kar denaa".

Naseer

Irfan Abid

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Aug 21, 2021, 10:57:14 PM8/21/21
to
On Saturday, August 14, 2021 at 8:40:04 PM UTC-4, Zoya wrote:
> On Sunday, August 8, 2021 at 12:35:27 PM UTC-5, Irfan Abid wrote:
> > aadaab, dosto!
> aadaab, Irfan sahib,
> > ek taazah Ghazal haazir-e-Khidmat hai. mulaahiza farmaaiye aur apnii raae se navaaziye.
> maiN ne aap kii taazah ghazal chand roz qabl paRh to lii thii, magar samajh meN nahiiN aa rahaa thaa k kyaa kahuuN, so taaKhiir ke liye muaaf kiijiye ga.
>
> ek to aaj kal har taraf hii mahaul udaas hai, aur us par aap kii udaas ghazal. :(
> But I understand, it is hard to write or even think of lighter stuff these days. The rising cases of Delta, general pandemic fatigue, fires and floods and landslides and earthquakes, just too much going on everywhere.
>
> Despite all this, aap apne jazbaat ko is qadar dil_aavez aandaaz meN bayaan kar paate haiN, baRii baat hai. You are truly gifted, and I appreciate you sharing the gift with us.
>
> Irfan sahib, aaKhir aap kii ghazal hai. 'mood' koii bhii ho, daad ke to aap hamesha haq_daar hote haiN, so merii jaanib se dilii daad qubuul kiijiye.
>

Zoya sahiba, aadaab!

nigaah-e-karam aur izzat.afzaaii ke liye behad mamnuun huuN.

> > Ghazal
> >
> > murdah huuN aur phir bhii jiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> > yaanii ki zehr-e-zeest piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> See, this is why I couldn't say anything for a few days. jab ghazal kaa aaghaaz hii lafz 'murdah' se ho rahaa ho, phir to maiN bas dua' hii de saktii huuN.
> jiite rahiye. aur gaate rahiye. :)
>

shukriya! maiN koshish karuuNgaa. :)

> > vaise bhii kyaa thii un se tavaqqo’ koii mujhe
> > armaan-e-naa.tamaam liye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> This actually made me pause, I started wondering about 'un', like the ambiguity. :)
>

The ambiguity was unintentional. But I see what you see.

> > yuuN Khud ko bazm-e-shauq meN rusvaa-o-sharm.saar
> > karnaa nahiiN thaa, phir bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> Stop please. vaise yeh kis bazm kii baat ho rahi hai?!
>

yih vuhii bazm hai jis kaa zikr is she'r meN hai:

koii bhii mujh saa na thaa bebaak bazm-e-shauq meN
is tarah mujh ko sabhoN se muKhtalif honaa paRaa (Ain Tabish)

> > saaqii, tirii nigaah-e-karam kii umeed meN
> > muddat se apne ashk piye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> Good. Hope is always good.
>

True. But it's getting hopeless now. :(

> > munsif kii zid yih hai ki maiN mujrim qaraar paauuN
> > haalaaNki har safaaii diye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> Irfan sahib, honestly when I first read your ghazal, the above she'r somehow seemed odd to me, it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the asha'ar. Is it just me, or is it a valid point?
>

aap ko to ilm hogaa ki Ghazal kaa har she'r deegar ash'aar se muKhtalif ho saktaa hai. :) aap Ghaliban yih kehnaa chaah rahii haiN ki deegar ash'aar ek maKhsuus tarz (theme) par haiN aur ye she'r us tarz kaa nahiiN hai. aap ke zihn meN yih taassur shaayad is liye paidaa huaa ki aap 'munsif' ko adaalat meN tashreef.farmaa siyaah labaade vaalaa munsif tasavvur kar rahii haiN, jab ki munsif to aur tarah ke bhii hote haiN, maslan:

dil to maiN sadqaa karuuN, tum us pe merii jaan lo
tum hii munsif ho ki maiN aise gunahgaaroN meN huuN (Agha Hajju Sharaf)

> > ranj-o-alam ko dil meN chhupaa bhi rahaa huuN aur
> > chehre ko aainaa bhii kiye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> Nice! aap ne shaayad 'majlisii tabassum' kaa hunar nahiiN siikhaa. mujhe aataa hai. :-)
>

Thanks! You are right, I can't hide my emotions well. Wish I had this skill!

> > :Abid: bharam to rakhnaa hai pindaar-e-ishq kaa
> > daaman ke saath lab bhii siye jaa rahaa huuN maiN
> Hmmmm, something to think about. Maybe this works better than saying:
>
> "kuchh to mire pindaar-e-muhabbat kaa bharam rakh
> tuu bhii to kabhii mujh ko manaane ke liye aa!"
>

May be. You must have noted the difference between my amateurish uttering and Ahmed Faraz's classic she'r. While AF is imploring his beloved to save 'pindaar-e-muhabbat,' I am trying to do it myself. :)

> > niyaazmand,
> > Irfan :Abid:
>
> Thanks Irfan sahib, keep writing and keep sharing. It is always a 'joy' to read your poetry, even your 'sad' poetry. :)
>
> _________Zoya
>

Thank you so much for your continued interest and encouragement!

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

Nahyan Fancy

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Oct 1, 2021, 6:28:49 AM10/1/21
to
aadaab Irfan sahib!

barso.n baad yahaa.n ka guzar huwa aur Khush-qismatii merii ke aap kii taaza Ghazal paRhne ka aizaaz milaa. bahut Khuub.

Nahyan Fancy

Irfan Abid

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Oct 2, 2021, 1:43:05 AM10/2/21
to
On Friday, October 1, 2021 at 6:28:49 AM UTC-4, Nahyan Fancy wrote:
> aadaab Irfan sahib!
>
> barso.n baad yahaa.n ka guzar huwa aur Khush-qismatii merii ke aap kii taaza Ghazal paRhne ka aizaaz milaa. bahut Khuub.
>
> Nahyan Fancy
>

Nahyan sb, aadaab!

bhaaii, aap ko ek arsa-e-daraaz ke baad dekh kar behad Khushii huii. ummeed hai aap baKhairiyat hoNge. Ghazal par daad kaa bahut bahut shukriya! ummeed hai aap se mulaaqaat hotii rahegii.

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
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