Urdu shaa'irii meiN takraar-e-lafzii ........... II
Raj Kumar
yaaraan-e-mehfil:
aaj ham kuchh aise ash'aar se do-chaar hoN ge jin meiN lafz-e-mukarrar
aek 'adjective' hai. aise alfaaz ki takraar 'nouns' ki takraar se
bahut muKhalif asar rakhti hai --- is liye k, yahaaN par, kisi cheez
ki "vaihdat" ya "kasrat" ka savaal to hai naheeN! savaal agar hai to
"shiddat" ka hai aur, jahaaN tak shiddat ki baat hai, takraar ka asar
her 'adjective' ke liye aek sa naheeN hota.
maslan, jab ham "narm narm phuvaar" kehte haiN to "narm narm" ke
ma'ani hote haiN "very soft" ke. magar jab ham "kaale kaale baadal"
kehte haiN to "kaale kaale" ke ma'ani "very black" ke naheeN hote ---
"very dark" ke ya "almost black" ke hote haiN! aur jab ham "udaas
udaas chehra" kehte haiN to "udaas udaas" ke ma'ani na to "very sad"
ke hote haiN aur na hi "almost sad" ke --- bal-k is ke ma'ani
"somewhat sad" ke hote haiN! These (subtle) differences make a lot of
difference to the effect a takraar lends to a she'r --- poets
(consciously or sub-consciously) thrive on these differences, while
readers (consciously or sub-consciously) relish them!
to, chaliye, aaj ki qist ka aaGhaaz ham Jigar Saahib ke aek dil-aavez
she'r se karte haiN. farmaate haiN:
1. aasteenoN ka voh chaRhaa lenaa!
*gori gori* kalaaiyaaN, tauba!!!
ab, dekhiye, jo baat *gori gori* kalaaiyoN meiN hai, voh sirf gori
kalaaiyoN meiN kahaaN ho sakti thi? isi 'mood' meiN, yeh she'r
dekhiye:
2. shigufta chehra aur us par *tapaaN tapaaN* aariz
ko'ii anaar chhuTaa hai, yaqeeN naheeN aataa!
lafz 'shigufta' ne Adam Saahib ke aek Khoobsoorat she'r ki yaad dilaa
di hai; lage haathoN, voh bhi sunte jaaiye. farmaate haiN:
3. voh baateN tirii, voh fasaane tire!
*shigufta shigufta* bahaane tire!!!
aur jab baateN us Ghazaala ki ho rahi hoN to bhalaa Firaaq Saahib kisi
se peechhe reh jaayeN? hargiz naheeN! to leejiye:
4. yeh ziNdagii ke "kaRe kos" yaad aataa hai
tirii nigaah-e-karam ka *ghanaa ghanaa* saayaa!
5. *Thaihrii Thaihrii* si mauj-e-barq-e-jamaal
*chhalkii chhalkii* sharaab-e-naab hai tuu!
'note' keejiye, huzoor, k pehle misre meiN jo lutf takraar ka thaa use
lafz "si" ne aur bhi ubhaar diyaa hai. aur yeh bhi 'note' keejiye k
yeh jaadoo tabhi mumkin hai jab lafz-e-mukarrar 'adjective' ho!
ab aap is jaadoo ke kuchh aur dilkash namoone dekhiye:
6. yeh *khule khule* se gesuu, yeh *uRii uRii* si raNgat
tiri sub'h keh rahii hai tiri raat ka fasaana!
7. hazaar baar zamaana idhar se guzraa hai
*nayee nayee* si hai kuchh teri rah-guzar phir bhi!!!
8. tamaam Khastagi-o-maaNdagi hai aalam-e-hijr
*thake thake* se yeh taare, *thakii thakii* si yeh raat!!!
9. *rukii rukii* si shab-e-marg Khatm par aa'ii
voh pau phaTii, voh nayee ziNdagii nazar aa'ii!
10. *ujle ujle* se kafan meiN sahar-e-hijr, Firaaq
aek tasveer hooN maiN raat ke kaT jaane kii!!!
ab, in dilkash namoonoN ke ba'ad, zaraa aNdaaz-e-digar ke kuchh
ash'aar suniye aur takraar-e-lafzii ka mazeed lutf uThaaiye:
11. shaam bhi thii *dhu'aaN dhu'aaN*, husn bhi thaa *udaas udaas*
dil ko kayee kahaaniyaaN yaad si aa ke reh gayeeN!!!
12. kaheeN *ukhRii ukhRii* saaNsoN ne *ukhRii ukhRii* baateN!
voh kuchh aur pehle aate to kuchh aur baat hotii!!!
ab zaraa yeh she'r dekhiye:
13. husn-e-azal ki jalva-gaah aa'ina-e-sukoot-e-raaz
dekh to hai *ayaaN ayaaN*, poochh to hai *nihaaN nihaaN*!!!
[Irfan Saahib ki haaliya Ghazal ke matle meiN bhi kuchh aisi hi baat
kahi gayee thi. haalaaN-k mere is mazmoon ka mauzoo' takraar-e-lafzii
hai, phir bhi baat is she'r meiN kuchh aisi hai k Irfan Saahib ke
matle ka zikr karna kuchh zaroorii sa lagaa!]
ab agle she'r meiN dekhiye --- lafz-e-mukarrar aek naheeN, do haiN!
14. bharii duniyaa ke suune-pan se taNg aa kar yeh kehtaa hooN
mizaaj-e-ziNdagaanii *aur barham aur barham* ho!!!
And how about this one?
15. jii chaahataa hai, aaj Ghazal-dar-Ghazal kahooN
par kyaa karooN k fikr-e-suKhan *choor choor* hai!
ab aap kuchh aise ash'aar dekhiye jin ka lafz-e-mukarrar hai to
'adjective' magar hai zaraa muKhtalif DhaNg ka:
16. zameeN khaa gayee nau-javaaN *kaise kaise*
badaltaa hai raNg aasmaaN *kaise kaise*!
17. na gor-e-Sikandar na hai qabr-e-Daaraa
miTe naamiyoN ke nishaaN *kaise kaise*!
aur, aaKhir meiN, agar aek she'r Khaaksaar ka bhi sunte jaaiye to kyaa
harj hai? arz hai:
18. kise bataaooN k teraa Khayaal aate hii
hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN *kyaa kyaa*!!!
to yeh rahi, huzoor, aaj ki qist. agli qist meiN, ham aise ash'aar ka
lutf leN ge jin meiN lafz-e-mukarrar 'verb' hoga. tab tak ke liye
ijaazat.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
P.S. Any luck, Kaamraan Saahib? :-))
Abhay Phadnis
news:c10928a.03061...@posting.google.com...
Dear RK-saahib:
Thank you for this entertaing and informative series!
> 6. yeh *khule khule* se gesuu, yeh *uRii uRii* si raNgat
> tiri sub'h keh rahii hai tiri raat ka fasaana!
and later:
> 12. kaheeN *ukhRii ukhRii* saaNsoN ne *ukhRii ukhRii* baateN!
> voh kuchh aur pehle aate to kuchh aur baat hotii!!!
The first phrase of the former brought to mind another couplet which shares
the radiif of the latter:
ye khule khule se gesuu, inhe.n laakh tuu sa.Nwaare
mere haath se sa.Nwarate to kuchh aur baat hotii
This couplet, however, does not share the qaafiyaa that obtains in the rest
of the ghazal (suu-e-maikadaa na jaate to kuchh aur baat hotii). Is the
'sa.Nwarate" wrong here? And is the couplet you quoted part of the same
ghazal?
Warm regards,
Abhay
kaamraan
Rajkumar Sahib,
First-off let me list the 'ashaar' I knew - 3, and 7.
As usual, loved your list. Kinda expected to have its
share of naughty ones ;-)
>
> P.S. Any luck, Kaamraan Saahib? :-))
I am now confused about the sher I had in mind. I am not sure which qist it
would fit in - noun, verb, adverb or adjective. How about I 'reveal' the sher
after reading all your qists (Now, here I admit I don't know the plural of
qist).
kaamraan
unheiN ye KHauf ki har baat mujh se keh Daalii
mujhe ye vehm ki kOii khaas baat baaqii hai
-- Shakeel Badayuni (?)
Raj Kumar
>
> Dear RK-saahib:
>
> Thank you for this entertaining and informative series!
>
shukriya, Abhay Saahib! maiN be-had Khush hooN k aap ko yeh "series"
pasaNd aa rahi hai. huzoor, abhi to kul "do courses serve" huye haiN
aur "do-teen courses" abhi baaqi haiN. I hope, you are hungry
(enough)! :-))
> > 6. yeh *khule khule* se gesuu, yeh *uRii uRii* si raNgat
> > tiri sub'h keh rahii hai tiri raat ka fasaana!
>
> and later:
>
> > 12. kaheeN *ukhRii ukhRii* saaNsoN ne *ukhRii ukhRii* baateN!
> > voh kuchh aur pehle aate to kuchh aur baat hotii!!!
>
> The first phrase of the former brought to mind another couplet which shares
> the radiif of the latter:
>
> ye khule khule se gesuu, inhe.n laakh tuu sa.Nwaare
> mere haath se sa.Nwarate to kuchh aur baat hotii
>
> This couplet, however, does not share the qaafiyaa that obtains in the rest
> of the ghazal (suu-e-maikadaa na jaate to kuchh aur baat hotii). Is the
> 'sa.Nwarate" wrong here? And is the couplet you quoted part of the same
> ghazal?
>
bhai, aap ne to aek hi saaNs meiN sau savaal poochh Daale! maiN
koshish karooN ga k aap ke har savaal ka Khaatir-Khwaah javaab dooN
--- magar yaqeen se naheeN keh sakta k aisa kar sakooN ga!
1. aap ne jis "chalti-phirti" Ghazal ka zikr kiyaa hai, maiN us se
naa-vaaqif hooN. phir bhi, itna to keh sakta hooN k agar is Ghazal ke
qaafiye "aate, jaate, banaate, miTaate, sulaate, nahaate jaise haiN to
"saNwarte" is Ghazal meiN qat'an naa-ravaa hai!
2. albatta, maiN ne kaheeN kaheeN aisi GhazleN bhi dekhi haiN [aur,
Khudaa jhooT na bulvaaye, aisi GhazloN ko do-baarah dekhne ki ko'ii
tamanna bhi naheeN hai!] jin meiN shaa'ir-e-jadeed ne aate, jaate ke
saath milte, julte, chalte, phirte, khaate, peete, rote, sote jaise
qaafiye baratne ki jur'at (ya'ani, himaaqat) ki hai! Abhay miyaaN,
"kise Khabar thi k yeh din bhi dekhnaa hogaa"! :-((
huzoor, agar aisa shaa'ir inheeN qaafiyoN ke saath "saNwarte" ko bhi
baaNdh de to bhalaa us man-chale ka kyaa bigaaR leN ge?
haaN, agar qaafiye "guzarte, ubharte, nikharte, --- " jaise hote to
ham "saNwarte" ka bhi aadar-maan karte magar, haaliya soorat-e-haal
meiN, aisa mumkin naheeN hai!
aap ka agla savaal tha k kyaa mera 'quote-karda' she'r isi Ghazal ka
hai jis ki jaanib aap ne ishaara kiyaa hai?
huzoor, aap ke is prashn ka saadhaaran utt'r to yeh hai k --- "NO
WAY!"
vajah us ki yeh hai k jo she'r maiN ne quote kiyaa hai voh,
az-rah-e-tafakkur, five-star hai jab-k aap ke quote-karda misre
two-star yaa three-star se aage naheeN baRh rahe. Sorry to say that,
but that is the way I feel! :-((
mera quote-karda she'r janaab-e-Firaaq Gorakhpuri ka hai jo k maiN ne
Khud apne kaanoN se sunaa tha. jaisi k un ki aaadat thi, 'stage' par
khaRe ho kar, aek-aadh Ghazal se pehle, darjanoN mutafarriq ash'aar ki
bochhaaR kiyaa karte the. yeh she'r bhi aisi hi bochhaaR ka aek
chheeNTa tha!
us shaam ke is lateef-tareeN tajribe ke ba'ad, Abhay Sahib, na to
kabhi yeh she'r paRhaa aur na hi kabhi voh Ghazal dekhii jis ka yeh
she'r tha. ab aap hi bataaiye k maiN is se ziyaada aur kyaa kahooN?
ba-har-haal, qat'a-e-nazar is baihs ke, aap mere is mazmoon ki agli
qistoN ko paRhne se mat chookiye ga --- kyooN-k agar aap aisa kareN ge
to nuqsaan aap hi ka hoga! :-))
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
>
>
> First-off let me list the 'ashaar' I knew - 3, and 7.
> As usual, loved your list. Kinda expected to have its
> share of naughty ones ;-)
>
ash'aar pasaNd farmaane ke liye aap ka bahut bahut shukriya, Kaamraan
Saahib. aur yeh jaan kar masarrat hu'ii k meri, 18 ash'aar ki, fehrist
meiN se 16 ash'aar aap ke liye naye the. in 16 meiN se, kam-az-kam
do-chaar to aap ki Khusoosi bayaaz meiN utar hi jaayeN ge! :-))
>
> I am now confused about the sher I had in mind. I am not sure which qist it
> would fit in - noun, verb, adverb or adjective. How about I 'reveal' the sher
> after reading all your qists (Now, here I admit I don't know the plural of
> qist).
>
That is a good idea --- let's wait till the whole seies in done!
B/W, the plural of qist is aqsaat, just as the plural of fikr is
afkaar! lage haathoN, lafz afkaar par aek five-star she'r suniye. arz
hai
maiN jin afkaar meiN khoyaa gayaa thaa
unheeN afkaar meiN paayaa gayaa hooN!
[Parvez]
>
> unheiN ye KHauf ki har baat mujh se keh Daalii
> mujhe ye vehm ki kOii khaas baat baaqii hai
> -- Shakeel Badayuni (?)
is she'r ke doosre misre meiN kuchh vazn ki gaRbaR hai --- Ghaaliban,
"koii" ki bajaaye "ik" hoga. Please check, if you can.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Vijay Kumar
Raj Sahib, jis besabri se aap ke is mazmoon kii aglii qist ka iNtzaar
rehta hai, yaqiin jaaniie, maza us se kaii gunaa ziaadah milta hai.
aur jis josh-o-Kharosh se baakii log is laRii meN shirkt kar rahe haiN
aur takraar-e-lafzii pe misaaleN faaraaham kar rahe haiN, bohat acchha
hoga agar aap is mazmoon ko thoRaa sa kheNch kar pesh kareN.
> us shaam ke is lateef-tareeN tajribe ke ba'ad, Abhay Sahib, na to
> kabhi yeh she'r paRhaa aur na hi kabhi voh Ghazal dekhii jis ka yeh
> she'r tha. ab aap hi bataaiye k maiN is se ziyaada aur kyaa kahooN?
>
yeh baat mere liie bilkul naii hai ki yeh she'r (uRii uRii sii
raNgat...) Firaaq sahib ka hai. ise maiN ne sab se pehle sunaa thaa
jab is ka istemaal aik 'comedic' hiNdi filmii gaane meN huua thaa. aik
Dev Anand kii puraani sii (forgettable) film, MaNzil, meN aik giit
hai, 'hato kaahe ko jhuuti banaao battiiaaN' jise parde par Mehmood
neN gaya hai. is gaane ke aNtroN ke biich meN yeh she'r istemaal huua
hai. she'r, baaki ke giit ki nisbatan, bohat pur asar hai. ab mujhe
yeh nahiiN ma'aloom ke Firaaq sahib ko is ka credit diia gaya thaa ya
nahiiN. (AFAK, is film ke lyrics Majrooh Sultanpuri neN likhe the. UVR
sahib, confirm?)
Khair, this is all BTW.
Regards,
Vijay Kumar
Irfan 'Abid'
> --- guzashta se paivasta ---
>
> yaaraan-e-mehfil:
>
> aaj ham kuchh aise ash'aar se do-chaar hoN ge jin meiN lafz-e-mukarrar
> aek 'adjective' hai. aise alfaaz ki takraar 'nouns' ki takraar se
> bahut muKhalif asar rakhti hai --- is liye k, yahaaN par, kisi cheez
> ki "vaihdat" ya "kasrat" ka savaal to hai naheeN! savaal agar hai to
> "shiddat" ka hai aur, jahaaN tak shiddat ki baat hai, takraar ka asar
> her 'adjective' ke liye aek sa naheeN hota.
>
muhtaram R K Sb, aadaab!
aap ke mazmuun kii ye qist bhii ba.sad.shauq paRhii aur hasb-e-tavaqqo
dilchasp aur ilm.afroz paayii. mubaarakbaad!
> maslan, jab ham "narm narm phuvaar" kehte haiN to "narm narm" ke
> ma'ani hote haiN "very soft" ke. magar jab ham "kaale kaale baadal"
> kehte haiN to "kaale kaale" ke ma'ani "very black" ke naheeN hote ---
> "very dark" ke ya "almost black" ke hote haiN! aur jab ham "udaas
> udaas chehra" kehte haiN to "udaas udaas" ke ma'ani na to "very sad"
> ke hote haiN aur na hi "almost sad" ke --- bal-k is ke ma'ani
> "somewhat sad" ke hote haiN! These (subtle) differences make a lot of
> difference to the effect a takraar lends to a she'r --- poets
> (consciously or sub-consciously) thrive on these differences, while
> readers (consciously or sub-consciously) relish them!
>
nihaayat pate kii baat kahii hai aap ne. alfaaz ke mukarrar istemaal
meN jo baareek farq hai, us kaa Khayaal rakhnaa zaruurii hai.
>
> 5. *Thaihrii Thaihrii* si mauj-e-barq-e-jamaal
> *chhalkii chhalkii* sharaab-e-naab hai tuu!
>
> 'note' keejiye, huzoor, k pehle misre meiN jo lutf takraar ka thaa use
> lafz "si" ne aur bhi ubhaar diyaa hai. aur yeh bhi 'note' keejiye k
> yeh jaadoo tabhi mumkin hai jab lafz-e-mukarrar 'adjective' ho!
>
>
> 11. shaam bhi thii *dhu'aaN dhu'aaN*, husn bhi thaa *udaas udaas*
> dil ko kayee kahaaniyaaN yaad si aa ke reh gayeeN!!!
aap ne sher #5 meN lafz-e-:si: ke asar kaa zikr kiyaa hai. mere
Khayaal meN is lafz ne yahaaN jo baat paidaa kii hai, us kaa javaab
nahiiN!
>
> 13. husn-e-azal ki jalva-gaah aa'ina-e-sukoot-e-raaz
> dekh to hai *ayaaN ayaaN*, poochh to hai *nihaaN nihaaN*!!!
>
> [Irfan Saahib ki haaliya Ghazal ke matle meiN bhi kuchh aisi hi baat
> kahi gayee thi. haalaaN-k mere is mazmoon ka mauzoo' takraar-e-lafzii
> hai, phir bhi baat is she'r meiN kuchh aisi hai k Irfan Saahib ke
> matle ka zikr karna kuchh zaroorii sa lagaa!]
izzat.afzaaii kaa shukriya!
>
> ab agle she'r meiN dekhiye --- lafz-e-mukarrar aek naheeN, do haiN!
>
> 14. bharii duniyaa ke suune-pan se taNg aa kar yeh kehtaa hooN
> mizaaj-e-ziNdagaanii *aur barham aur barham* ho!!!
is sher par kuchh aisaa yaad aa gayaa jo maiN bataur tajveez aap kii
Khidmat meN pesh karnaa chaahtaa thaa. is mazmuun meN ab tak aap ne
sirf :alfaaz: kii :mutavaatir: takraar zer-e-tahqeeq-o-bayaan rakkhii
hai. kyaa hii achchhaa ho ki aap aisii takraar ko bhii shaamil kareN
jo mutavaatir na ho, aur alfaaz ke ilaavah :fiqroN: par bhii ek nazar
DaaleN. meraa tajribaa hai ki is qism kii takraar nazar to bahut aatii
hai, lekin muassar kam hii hotii hai.
>
> ab aap kuchh aise ash'aar dekhiye jin ka lafz-e-mukarrar hai to
> 'adjective' magar hai zaraa muKhtalif DhaNg ka:
>
> 16. zameeN khaa gayee nau-javaaN *kaise kaise*
> badaltaa hai raNg aasmaaN *kaise kaise*!
>
> 17. na gor-e-Sikandar na hai qabr-e-Daaraa
> miTe naamiyoN ke nishaaN *kaise kaise*!
>
kyaa ye ash.aar Majruuh Sb ke haiN? kyaa in kaa koii ta.alluq is gaane
se hai: zamaane ne maare javaaN kaise kaise (film: Raaz?)
> aur, aaKhir meiN, agar aek she'r Khaaksaar ka bhi sunte jaaiye to kyaa
> harj hai? arz hai:
>
> 18. kise bataaooN k teraa Khayaal aate hii
> hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN *kyaa kyaa*!!!
>
vaah! bahut Khuub!
>
> to yeh rahi, huzoor, aaj ki qist. agli qist meiN, ham aise ash'aar ka
> lutf leN ge jin meiN lafz-e-mukarrar 'verb' hoga. tab tak ke liye
> ijaazat.
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
>
> P.S. Any luck, Kaamraan Saahib? :-))
aglii qist kaa muntazir,
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Raj Kumar
>
> Raj Sahib, jis besabri se aap ke is mazmoon kii aglii qist ka iNtzaar
> rehta hai, yaqiin jaaniie, maza us se kaii gunaa ziaadah milta hai.
> aur jis josh-o-Kharosh se baakii log is laRii meN shirkt kar rahe haiN
> aur takraar-e-lafzii pe misaaleN faaraaham kar rahe haiN, bohat acchha
> hoga agar aap is mazmoon ko thoRaa sa kheNch kar pesh kareN.
Vijay Saahib:
hausila-afzaa'ii ke liye shukriya --- albatta yeh baat samajh meiN
naheeN aa'ii k maiN is mazmoon ko "kheeNch kar" kaise pesh karooN?
kyaa aap ka matlab yeh hai k maiN apni qistoN ke dar-mayaaN zaraa
lamba vaqfa dooN? agar aap ka yihi manshaa hai to meri majboori yeh
hai k maiN 26 June ke ba'ad phir se "out of circulation" hone vaalaa
hooN --- ko'ii 3-4 haftoN ke liye. us dauraan, agarche aap saahibaan
ke Khutoot paRhta to rahooN ga magar un ke javaab naheeN de paaooN ga!
is liye, mera iraada to yeh hai k maiN is silsile ki teesri qist 22
June ko aur chauthi qist 25 June ko likh bhejooN aur is kaam se
faraaGhat haasil karooN! us ke ba'ad, agar aap saahibaan ke ta'assurat
aate rahe to maiN un se baihra-var hota rahooN ga aur, kuchh der meiN,
un ke javaab bhi dooN ga!
>
> > us shaam ke is lateef-tareeN tajribe ke ba'ad, Abhay Sahib, na to
> > kabhi yeh she'r paRhaa aur na hi kabhi voh Ghazal dekhii jis ka yeh
> > she'r tha. ab aap hi bataaiye k maiN is se ziyaada aur kyaa kahooN?
> >
>
>
> yeh baat mere liie bilkul naii hai ki yeh she'r (uRii uRii sii
> raNgat...) Firaaq sahib ka hai. ise maiN ne sab se pehle sunaa thaa
> jab is ka istemaal aik 'comedic' hiNdi filmii gaane meN huua thaa. aik
> Dev Anand kii puraani sii (forgettable) film, MaNzil, meN aik giit
> hai, 'hato kaahe ko jhuuti banaao battiiaaN' jise parde par Mehmood
> neN gaya hai. is gaane ke aNtroN ke biich meN yeh she'r istemaal huua
> hai. she'r, baaki ke giit ki nisbatan, bohat pur asar hai. ab mujhe
> yeh nahiiN ma'aloom ke Firaaq sahib ko is ka credit diia gaya thaa ya
> nahiiN. (AFAK, is film ke lyrics Majrooh Sultanpuri neN likhe the. UVR
> sahib, confirm?)
>
huzoor, aap ko kuchh Ghalat-fehmi ho rahii hai. mere aur Abhay Saahib
ke vaad-vivaad meiN, she'r #6 ka zikr to sarsari tha, baat to asl meiN
she'r #12 ki ho rahi thi --- remember the radiif: "to kuchh aur baat
hoti"?
mera yeh kehna tha k she'r #12 Firaaq Saahib ka hai, which I still
believe is true! phir bhi, agar aap UVR Saahib ki gavaahii lena
chaahate haiN to aap unheN yeh poochhiye k kyaa she'r #12 Majrooh
Sulanpuri ka hai? LOL
mujhe lagta hai k aap ne hamaare Khutoot ko aek "uchaTti hu'ii" nazar
se paRhaa hai. Khudaa na kare, aap is mazmoon ki aqsaat ko bhi isi
aNdaaz se paRhte hoN! Once again, LOL
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Vasmi Abidi
> > *chhalkii chhalkii* sharaab-e-naab hai tuu!
> >
> > 'note' keejiye, huzoor, k pehle misre meiN jo lutf takraar ka thaa use
> > lafz "si" ne aur bhi ubhaar diyaa hai. aur yeh bhi 'note' keejiye k
> > yeh jaadoo tabhi mumkin hai jab lafz-e-mukarrar 'adjective' ho!
> >
> >
> > 11. shaam bhi thii *dhu'aaN dhu'aaN*, husn bhi thaa *udaas udaas*
> > dil ko kayee kahaaniyaaN yaad si aa ke reh gayeeN!!!
>
> aap ne sher #5 meN lafz-e-:si: ke asar kaa zikr kiyaa hai. mere
> Khayaal meN is lafz ne yahaaN jo baat paidaa kii hai, us kaa javaab
> nahiiN!
>
"fazaa bhi hai javaaN javaaN, havaa bhi hai ravaaN ravaaN
sunaa rahaa hai ye samaa, suni suni si daastaaN"
ye ek filmi geet se hai, jo ek zamaane meN itna maqbool hua tha ki
shaihr shair, radio radio se sunai deta tha! sha'ir ka naam hai Hasan
Kamal.
muKhlis,
Vasmi
Vijay Kumar
> hausila-afzaa'ii ke liye shukriya --- albatta yeh baat samajh meiN
> naheeN aa'ii k maiN is mazmoon ko "kheeNch kar" kaise pesh karooN?
>
> kyaa aap ka matlab yeh hai k maiN apni qistoN ke dar-mayaaN zaraa
> lamba vaqfa dooN?
Raj Sahib, mera matlab bilkul yihii thaa. I personally would have
preferred it, but as you state, if time is of the essence, then i
fully understand the need to post all installments before you leave
for your travels.
>> >
>
> huzoor, aap ko kuchh Ghalat-fehmi ho rahii hai. mere aur Abhay Saahib
> ke vaad-vivaad meiN, she'r #6 ka zikr to sarsari tha, baat to asl meiN
> she'r #12 ki ho rahi thi --- remember the radiif: "to kuchh aur baat
> hoti"?
>
> mera yeh kehna tha k she'r #12 Firaaq Saahib ka hai, which I still
> believe is true! phir bhi, agar aap UVR Saahib ki gavaahii lena
> chaahate haiN to aap unheN yeh poochhiye k kyaa she'r #12 Majrooh
> Sulanpuri ka hai? LOL
mea culpa, Raj Sahib, mea MAXIMA culpa. dubaraa dekha to merii ghaltii
aik dam saamne aa gaii.
ab jab ki mujhe merii ghaltii ka ehsaas ho gaya hai, to aap ko agar
'yeh uRii uRii sii raNgat ....." ke shaii'r ka naam ma'aloom ho to
b'raa-e-meharbaani bata deN. shayad UVR sahib ko zehmat na hii uthaani
pRe:-)
>
> mujhe lagta hai k aap ne hamaare Khutoot ko aek "uchaTti hu'ii" nazar
> se paRhaa hai. Khudaa na kare, aap is mazmoon ki aqsaat ko bhi isi
> aNdaaz se paRhte hoN! Once again, LOL
>
aisii baat nahiiN Raj sahib. bas aik chhotii sii baat par lagta hai
"synaptic lock" lag gaya thaa. maiN aap kii raqam kiie huue Khat
kabhii "uchaTti nazar" se nahiiN paRhata!
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
>
> ab jab ki mujhe merii ghaltii ka ehsaas ho gaya hai, to aap ko agar
> 'yeh uRii uRii sii raNgat ....." ke shaii'r ka naam ma'aloom ho to
> b'raa-e-meharbaani bata deN. shayad UVR sahib ko zehmat na hii uthaani
> paRe:-)
>
You won't believe it, Vijay Saahib, but this she'r is Firaaq's too ---
aur yeh baat mere liye bhi utni hi na'ii hai jitni aap ke liye!
yeh she'r mujhe, aek muddat se, marGhoob rahaa hai magar maiN shaa'ir
ke naam se naa-vaaqif tha. ab aap ne poochha to maiN ne, tafteesh kar
ke, yeh suraaGh nikaala hai --- havaala is suraaGh ka maNdarja zail
hai:
"sad-gulsitaN", murattiba Manzoor Usmaani (2000), page 227.
yeh she'rii majmoo'aa nihaayat dilchasp aur dilkash (magar mutafarriq)
ash'aar ka gul-dasta hai; agar kaheeN se dast-yaab ho sake to zaroor
haasil keejiye ga. maiN ne, do baras pehle, ise Dilli ke Urdu Baazaar
meiN se Khareeda tha. maiN aksar is majmoo'e ke auraaq palaT kar
mehzooz hota rehta hooN magar aaj to yeh Khoob kaam aaya!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> >
>
> aap ke mazmuun kii ye qist bhii ba.sad.shauq paRhii aur hasb-e-tavaqqo
> dilchasp aur ilm.afroz paayii. mubaarakbaad!
>
Irfan Saahib:
aap ko yeh qist bhi pasaNd aa'ii --- yeh mere liye masarrat ki baat
hai. ummeed hai k is mazmoon ki baqia aqsaat bhi aap ke adabi tarazoo
par poori utreN gi!
>
> >
> > 11. shaam bhi thii *dhu'aaN dhu'aaN*, husn bhi thaa *udaas udaas*
> > dil ko kayee kahaaniyaaN yaad si aa ke reh gayeeN!!!
>
> aap ne sher #5 meN lafz-e-:si: ke asar kaa zikr kiyaa hai. mere
> Khayaal meN is lafz ne yahaaN jo baat paidaa kii hai, us kaa javaab
> nahiiN!
>
yaqeenan, "is" 'si' ka ko'ii javaab naheeN!
vaise, is mauq'e par, apna aek she'r yaad aa rahaa hai; agar
sam'a-Kharaashii na ho to arz karooN.
dekhaa tujhe to aaNkh mirii bheeg si gayee
kyaa jaane, tujh ko dekh ke kyaa yaad aa gayaa!
> >
> > ab agle she'r meiN dekhiye --- lafz-e-mukarrar aek naheeN, do haiN!
> >
> > 14. bharii duniyaa ke suune-pan se taNg aa kar yeh kehtaa hooN
> > mizaaj-e-ziNdagaanii *aur barham aur barham* ho!!!
>
> is sher par kuchh aisaa yaad aa gayaa jo maiN bataur tajveez aap kii
> Khidmat meN pesh karnaa chaahtaa thaa. is mazmuun meN ab tak aap ne
> sirf :alfaaz: kii :mutavaatir: takraar zer-e-tahqeeq-o-bayaan rakkhii
> hai. kyaa hii achchhaa ho ki aap aisii takraar ko bhii shaamil kareN
> jo mutavaatir na ho, aur alfaaz ke ilaavah :fiqroN: par bhii ek nazar
> DaaleN. meraa tajribaa hai ki is qism kii takraar nazar to bahut aatii
> hai, lekin muassar kam hii hotii hai.
>
aap ka Khayaal nek hai magar yeh kaam to phir kabhi hoga --- kyooN-k,
haaliya mazmoon ko to mujhe do-chaar roz meiN sameTna hai!
> >
> > ab aap kuchh aise ash'aar dekhiye jin ka lafz-e-mukarrar hai to
> > 'adjective' magar hai zaraa muKhtalif DhaNg ka:
> >
> > 16. zameeN khaa gayee nau-javaaN *kaise kaise*
> > badaltaa hai raNg aasmaaN *kaise kaise*!
> >
> > 17. na gor-e-Sikandar na hai qabr-e-Daaraa
> > miTe naamiyoN ke nishaaN *kaise kaise*!
> >
>
> kyaa ye ash.aar Majruuh Sb ke haiN? kyaa in kaa koii ta.alluq is gaane
> se hai: zamaane ne maare javaaN kaise kaise (film: Raaz?)
>
Sorry, the answer to both these questions is: I don't know.
> >
> > 18. kise bataaooN k teraa Khayaal aate hii
> > hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN *kyaa kyaa*!!!
> >
>
> vaah! bahut Khuub!
>
Thanks again!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
kaamraan
>
> >
> > unheiN ye KHauf ki har baat mujh se keh Daalii
> > mujhe ye vehm ki kOii khaas baat baaqii hai
> > -- Shakeel Badayuni (?)
>
> is she'r ke doosre misre meiN kuchh vazn ki gaRbaR hai --- Ghaaliban,
> "koii" ki bajaaye "ik" hoga. Please check, if you can.
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Actually, I picked up this sher from one of Vijay Kumar Sahib's oooold
posts.
Now, I know there used to be 2 Vijay Kumars on ALUP. If it is the one
who is currently active on ALUP, may be he can clarify ?
kaamraan
P.S :
I don't have enough ashaar in my 'favorites' folder to add to all of
my posts.
I will have to limit them to one per thread :-)
Vijay Kumar
> posts.
> Now, I know there used to be 2 Vijay Kumars on ALUP. If it is the one
> who is currently active on ALUP, may be he can clarify ?
>
> kaamraan
Kaamraan Sahib, there has been mostly only one Vijay Kumar on ALUP (on
RIMM, however, it is quite another story, where there were three Vijay
Kumars at one time and for a while I had to post with the word ALUP
appearing in brackets after my name).
I remember the second misra of this she'r as you have posted (although
in the first perhaps 'keh'-->'kar'.
Raj Sahib, if in the second misra, 'ki' is removed altogether, i.e.:
'mujhe yeh veham koii Khaas baat baaqii hai', does that work?
Unfortunately, I don't have my copy of kulliaat-e-shakeel to hand,
hence can't readily check this.
Regards,
Vijay Kumar
Raj Kumar
> > >
> > > unheiN ye KHauf ki har baat mujh se keh Daalii
> > > mujhe ye vehm ki kOii khaas baat baaqii hai
> > > -- Shakeel Badayuni (?)
> >
> > is she'r ke doosre misre meiN kuchh vazn ki gaRbaR hai --- Ghaaliban,
> > "koii" ki bajaaye "ik" hoga. Please check, if you can.
> >
> > Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
>
> Actually, I picked up this sher from one of Vijay Kumar Sahib's oooold
> posts.
Come on, Kaamraan Saahib, this is no explanation!
huzoor, aap bhi to aek "ubharte huye" shaa'ir haiN --- to phir aap
Khud hi kyooN naheeN dekh paaye k is she'r ka doosra misra
Khaarij-az-baihr hai?
are miyaaN, jab "abhi Ghazal javaan hai" vaali laRii vaaqe'ii "javaan"
thi to aisi baateN to har lamha zer-e-baihs rahaa karti theeN aur ab,
jab-k voh dosheeza buRhaape se jaa lipTii hai to, Khair se, aap bhi
Dheele ho gaye haiN!
My-o-my! :-))
> Now, I know there used to be 2 Vijay Kumars on ALUP. If it is the one
> who is currently active on ALUP, may be he can clarify ?
Hey, hey, hey --- forget about those two Vijay Kumars! dekh lenaa, ab
to yeh hoga k, un meiN se, har Vijay Kumar doosre Vijay Kumar par
uNgali uThaaye ga! LOL
> I don't have enough ashaar in my 'favorites' folder to add to all of
> my posts.
> I will have to limit them to one per thread :-)
bhai, yeh to baRii dukh-daayak baat hai. kyaa aap ke paas mere
"ziNdagii aur maut" vaale mazmoon ki aqsaat maujood naheeN haiN? un
aqsaat meiN to beshtar ash'aar aap ke pasaNdeeda the. aap bhalaa unheN
kyooN naheeN barat_te?
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
kaamraan
> kaam...@hotmail.com (kaamraan) wrote in message news:<a5ba2475.03062...@posting.google.com>...
>
> > > >
> > > > unheiN ye KHauf ki har baat mujh se keh Daalii
> > > > mujhe ye vehm ki kOii khaas baat baaqii hai
> > > > -- Shakeel Badayuni (?)
> > >
> > > is she'r ke doosre misre meiN kuchh vazn ki gaRbaR hai --- Ghaaliban,
> > > "koii" ki bajaaye "ik" hoga. Please check, if you can.
> > >
> > > Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
> >
> > Actually, I picked up this sher from one of Vijay Kumar Sahib's oooold
> > posts.
>
> Come on, Kaamraan Saahib, this is no explanation!
>
> huzoor, aap bhi to aek "ubharte huye" shaa'ir haiN --- to phir aap
> Khud hi kyooN naheeN dekh paaye k is she'r ka doosra misra
> Khaarij-az-baihr hai?
>
a) By saying I picked it up from Vijay Kumar Sahib's post, I meant that is my
'only' reference on this sher, I don't have a 'The complete works of Shakeel
Badayuni' to refer to. I definitely didn't mean to 'blame' him. No sirree.
b) Yes, I do 'try' to write 'stuff', but by no means am a 'ubhartaa huaa
shaayar'. And whenever write stuff I ask one my learned friends to break down
the behr into Longs and Shorts, and then, as you put it, use those crutches
to move forward. Sometimes I do recognize a behr, or when a line is out
of meter, etc but not always :-( ... "hum hONge kaamyaab ek din" ... :-)
> are miyaaN, jab "abhi Ghazal javaan hai" vaali laRii vaaqe'ii "javaan"
> thi to aisi baateN to har lamha zer-e-baihs rahaa karti theeN aur ab,
> jab-k voh dosheeza buRhaape se jaa lipTii hai to, Khair se, aap bhi
> Dheele ho gaye haiN!
> My-o-my! :-))
>
On one hand, I wish I could learn these subtle aspects faster, but on the other,
I am quite content that I atleast have a passion for 'something', and am
constantly working at getting better at it. Feel bad for some of my friends who
go through life monotonously. khair ... don't want to get philosophical :-)
> > Now, I know there used to be 2 Vijay Kumars on ALUP. If it is the one
> > who is currently active on ALUP, may be he can clarify ?
>
> Hey, hey, hey --- forget about those two Vijay Kumars! dekh lenaa, ab
> to yeh hoga k, un meiN se, har Vijay Kumar doosre Vijay Kumar par
> uNgali uThaaye ga! LOL
>
Again, I never meant to point fingers, just get some help.
> > I don't have enough ashaar in my 'favorites' folder to add to all of
> > my posts.
> > I will have to limit them to one per thread :-)
>
> bhai, yeh to baRii dukh-daayak baat hai. kyaa aap ke paas mere
> "ziNdagii aur maut" vaale mazmoon ki aqsaat maujood naheeN haiN? un
> aqsaat meiN to beshtar ash'aar aap ke pasaNdeeda the. aap bhalaa unheN
> kyooN naheeN barat_te?
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Uhh ... actually, I prefer to use ashaar that I found elsewhere (not on ALUP).
That way ALUPers can read a new sher in my post.
kaamraan
How about one using 'zindagii' ...
talKH kar dii hai zindagii jis ne
kaisi miiThii zubaan hai pyaare !
-- Hafeez Jullundhary
kaamraan
> kaam...@hotmail.com (kaamraan) wrote in message news:<a5ba2475.03062...@posting.google.com>...
>
> > Actually, I picked up this sher from one of Vijay Kumar Sahib's oooold
> > posts.
> > Now, I know there used to be 2 Vijay Kumars on ALUP. If it is the one
> > who is currently active on ALUP, may be he can clarify ?
> >
> > kaamraan
>
> Kaamraan Sahib, there has been mostly only one Vijay Kumar on ALUP (on
> RIMM, however, it is quite another story, where there were three Vijay
> Kumars at one time and for a while I had to post with the word ALUP
> appearing in brackets after my name).
>
My bad. Got confused between RMIM and ALUP.
> I remember the second misra of this she'r as you have posted (although
> in the first perhaps 'keh'-->'kar'.
>
Again, my bad. I had it as 'kar Daalii', some how typed in 'keh Daalii'
> Raj Sahib, if in the second misra, 'ki' is removed altogether, i.e.:
>
> 'mujhe yeh veham koii Khaas baat baaqii hai', does that work?
> Unfortunately, I don't have my copy of kulliaat-e-shakeel to hand,
> hence can't readily check this.
>
I like this version better. 'kOii KHaas baat' has the 'intrigue' aspect that
'ik KHaas baat' doesn't. Again, I know RK sahib was only offering possibilities
> Regards,
>
> Vijay Kumar
kaamraan
Raj Kumar
>
>
>
>
> 'mujhe yeh veham koii Khaas baat baaqii hai', does that work?
Surely, it does!
ab yeh baat alag hai k (in do baNdishoN meiN se) kaun si baNdish
behtar hai; ziyaada zaroori to yeh hai k "asl misra" kyaa hai? R.K.
Yashowanto N. Ghosh
yeh qist bhee mujhe bahut pasand aayaa---shukriya! Khaas kar
#1, 6, 9, 10, 11, 15, 18 bahut hee Khoob haiN.
#16, 17 kis ke/kin ke haiN?
With best regards,
Jasho.
rajkum...@hotmail.com (Raj Kumar) wrote in message news:<c10928a.03061...@posting.google.com>...