"nasha sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal"!
Raj Kumar
yaaraan-e-mehfil:
pichhle kayee dinoN se mujhe yeh misr'a "dukhii" kar rahaa tha:
"nasha sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal"!
maiN ne apne do adad azeezoN se, ba-zariya 'phone', poochha k kyaa yeh
misr'a kisi Ghazal ka hai --- agar hai to poora she'r kyaa hai?
javaab milaa k yeh misr'a kisi she'r ka hissa naheeN hai bal-k film
"sharaabii" (1984) ke aek gaane ka hai --- goyaa, yeh misr'a kisi had
tak "laa-vaaris" sa hai!
maiN ne apne dil ki Khalish ko door karne ka yihii upaaye sochaa k
kyooN na is misre' ko misr'a-e-tar'h maan kar aek Ghazal keh dii jaaye
aur us ke ba'ad aaraaaaam ki neeNd soyaa jaaye!
to, leejiye, is saraaseemagi ke aalam meiN, jo Ghazal hu'ii, voh
haazir-e-Khidmat hai ---- gar qubool uftad!
-----------
matl'a arz hai k
1. maiN tashna-lab tha magar b a N d b a N d thii botal!
uThii jo aaNkh kisii kii to k h u l gayee botal!!! :)
2. mire Khumaar ko darkaar thaa to bas itnaa
kabhii kabhii voh nigaaheN, kabhii kabhii botal!
3. hare bhare mire armaaN, hare bhare sapne
magar na haath meiN aa'ii 'harii bharii' botal
4. tumhaarii "neem-nigaahii" ne maar maar diyaa!
khaTak rahii hai nazar meiN voh "adh-khulii" botal!!!
5. ghuTii ghuTii si suraahii, dabii dabii si sharaab
hameN to chaahiye ik "jeeti jaagtii" botal!
6. jhijak jhijak si rahii thii magar, Khudaa rakkhe,
juNhii khulii to chhalaktii chalii gayee botal!
7. lagaaya haath to sharmaa ke kuchh simaT si gayee!
bharaa jo ghooNT to yak-dam machal gayee botal!!!
8. Khumaar rooh ko hotaa to jism lehraataa!
"nashaa sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal"!
aur ab maqt'a arz hai:
8. na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
--------------------
hasb-e-ma'amool, aap sabhii dostoN ke ta'assuraat kaa intezaar rahe
gaa!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Afzal A. Khan
Mere KHayaal men is ghazal kee jitnee t'areef kee jaye kam hai !
To set the record straight, the film was released in 1983.
Afzal
Amjad
aap ki ghazliyaat meiN "khumaariyaat" ka ye khaaksaar qaail hai :), is
se zyaadah kia kahooN.
ghazal bahot khoob hai, aur meri daad bhi Haazir hai.
maine Urdu meiN likh kar jab is misre ko talaash kia to BBC Urdu ki
website per poora she'r kuch is Haalat meiN mila :) :
ye apni mastee hai jis ne machaai hai hulchul
nasha sharaab meiN hota to naachti botal
agar ye she'r vaaqai kisi ghazal ka hai to phir ye ghazal "ghair
muraddaf" ho sakti hai. aur ye bhi ho sakta hai ke ye she'r "iklotaa"
ho.
bahar.kaif mujhe aap ki girah zyaadah pasand aayee
Amjad
sat pal
Sir,
Maqta is beautiful although ghazal is no doubt is very good.
na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
Sat pal
mishra...@yahoo.com
tera qaaba, mera mandir, ye khuda, wo but
reh gaya peechhe jo haath mein aayi botal...
Mohit
Afzal A. Khan
Yeh behr kuchh alag m'aloom hoti hai.
Also, it is "k'aba" --- not with "q".
Afzal
Naseer
janaab-i-Raj Kumar Sahib, aadaab 'arz hai.
aap kii pesh-kardah Ghazal bahut pasand aaii. is meN roz-marrah ke
alfaaz awr phir un kii takraar se mausiiqiyat kaa samaaN bahut hii
KHuub-suurat hai. merii jaanib se bahut sii daad qubuul kiijiye.
1. maiN tashna-lab tha magar b a N d b a N d thii botal!
uThii jo aaNkh kisii kii to k h u l gayee botal!!! :)
vaah vaah! kyaa KHuub shi'r hai....aaNkh kaa uThnaa awr botal kaa
khulnaa...kyaa baat hai!
3. hare bhare mire armaaN, hare bhare sapne
magar na haath meiN aa'ii 'harii bharii' botal
yahaaN par Raj Kumar Sahib maiN aap se ek bachchagaanah saa savaal
puuchhnaa chaahtaa huuN. farz kar liijiye kih duusre misr'e meN aap
harii-bharii kii bajaae "harii harii" likhte. to harii harii (green)
ke 'ilaavah "hari(i)" ba-ma'nii KHudaa kaa "word-play" kaisaa lagtaa?
ya'nii "magar nah haath aaii mere Khudaa, botal"!
4. tumhaarii "neem-nigaahii" ne maar maar diyaa!
khaTak rahii hai nazar meiN voh "adh-khulii" botal!!!
niim-nigaahii awr adh-khulii! ek baar phir daad qubuul kiijiye! kyaa
yahaaN "maar maar diyaa" ke ma'nii haiN "saaNp maar diyaa"?:):)
5. ghuTii ghuTii si suraahii, dabii dabii si sharaab
hameN to chaahiye ik "jeeti jaagtii" botal!
"ghuTii ghuTii" paRhte vaqt mere zihn meN "ghuuNT" kaa tasavvur bhii
aataa hai, jis kaa, zaahir hai, piine pilaane se ta'alluq hai.
6. jhijak jhijak si rahii thii magar, Khudaa rakkhe,
juNhii khulii to chhalaktii chalii gayee botal!
aap ne is botal ko pahle zaruur KHuub hilaayaa ho gaa:)
7. lagaaya haath to sharmaa ke kuchh simaT si gayee!
bharaa jo ghooNT to yak-dam machal gayee botal!!!
bahut ma'nii-KHez shi'r hai!
8. Khumaar rooh ko hotaa to jism lehraataa!
"nashaa sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal"!
yaqiin-an aap ek "ruuH-afzaa" naamii Pakistani mashruub kii baat kar
rahe hoN ge:) yaqiin-an ruuH KHush ho gaa to jism lahraae gaa hii.
bahut KHuub!
8. na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
itnii Ghaflat kaa zaahir hai yahii natiijah ho gaa kih 'uduu ke haath
janaab-i-Qais kii botal jaa lage gii!
ek baar phir aap ko ek shiiriiN Ghazal pesh karne kaa shukriyah awr
mubaarak-baad.
KHair-andesh,
Naseer
UVR
Raj Kumar saahib,
bhai waah. "botal" lafz kaa itnaa ma'ani-Khez ist'emaal
shaayad hi kisi shaa'ir ne kiyaa ho. (agar kiyaa bhi hai to,
kam az kam, meri "observation" meN to naheeN aayaa ...
LOL!) bahut Khoob.
aap ne is Ghazal meN ek "filmi misr'e" par girah hi naheeN
lagaayi, bal-k aisi Ghazal taiyaar ki hai k Ghazal-gaayakoN
ke repertoires par (perfect) "fit" baiThe. aap ki GhazaleN to
waise gaayi jaa chukee haiN, aur mujhe is waqt janaab
Pankaj Udhas kaa naam yaad aa rahaa hai, lekin yaqeenan
agar aap Khud ise tarannum meN paRheNge to sunne
waaloN ko AUUUUR lutf aayegaa!
-UVR.
tanhaa
hasb-e-ma'amool, mujhe aapki ye Ghazal bhi bahut pasand aayi RK sahib,
aur maza to is baat ka k maiN ne ise ba-zabaan-e-shaayar pahle bhi sun
liya thaa! us vaqt bhi aapko daad di thi, aur is vaqt bhi daad de
rahaa houN.. Ghazal ka har sh'er qaabil-e-daad hai, maqta to bahut hi
khoob hai, sh'er number 4 aur 6 khusoosan pasand aaye haiN.
ek aur behtareen Ghazal par meri taraf se DheroN daad haazir hai.
Amit Malhotra
Zafar
maiN soch rahaa thaa k yahaaN aap ruk jaa'yeN ge, lekin shaayad aap
Khud hi tarah de gaye! aur waise bhi 'adoo ko 'udoo likhnaa itnaa
'aam hai k naujawaan Ghalib bhi is moR par laRkhaRaaye haiN. chunaaN
che un ke Khud-navishta dewwaan meN -- jise "nusKha e Bhopal" ke naam
se mosoom kiyaa jaataa hai -- kayi maqaamaat par 'adoo ki ain ke oopar
pesh lagi huwi milti hai.
> ek baar phir aap ko ek shiiriiN Ghazal pesh karne kaa shukriyah awr
> mubaarak-baad.
is baat meN koyi shak naheeN k bahut 'umda Ghazal kahi hai apne Qais
saahib ne. bal k maiN to kahooN gaa k mujhe ye Ghazal un ki tamaam
taKhleeqaat meN bahut numaayaaN maqaam par nazar aati hai. agar
mazmoon likhte waqt ye Ghazal mere saamne hoti to maiN is par zaroor
taba' aazmaayi kartaa. so meri taraf se bhi mubaarakbaad.
Rooh e Afzaa ki botal se yaad aayaa k abhi abhi deewaan e Momin kaa
"wuhi" nusKha kholaa to us meN bhi is bhi isi zameen meN aik she'r
nikal aayaa. mulaahiza keejiye:
maiN qadd e yaar ko shamshaad kehne waalaa thaa
zabaaN se niklaa magar, "Coca Cola ki botal"!!! :)
aadaab arz hai,
Zafar
UVR
bhai waah! 'sanad' faraaham karne ke aap ke hunar ke
"maiN sadqe jaawaaN". maiN ne sunaa to thaa k "Momin"
ke kisee sh'er se muta'assir ho kar Geeta Bali ke saath
"Miss Coca Cola" naam ki pikchar banaayi gayi thi! lekin
aap ne to saabit kar diya k that was a true rumor!
-UVR.
Zafar
kaa shukriya!
warna maiN to aap ki is mutawaqqa' farmaa'ish ke jawaab meN asaatiza
ke dawaaween ki waraq-gardaani meN buri tarah masroof thaa k "angrezi
alfaaz meN alif girne ki asnaad DhoonD kar laa'o"!!!
Zafar
Naseer
janaab-i-Zafar Sahib, aadaab 'arz hai.
> maiN soch rahaa thaa k yahaaN aap ruk jaa'yeN ge, lekin shaayad aap
> Khud hi tarah de gaye! aur waise bhi 'adoo ko 'udoo likhnaa itnaa
> 'aam hai k naujawaan Ghalib bhi is moR par laRkhaRaaye haiN. chunaaN
> che un ke Khud-navishta dewwaan meN -- jise "nusKha e Bhopal" ke naam
> se mosoom kiyaa jaataa hai -- kayi maqaamaat par 'adoo ki ain ke oopar
> pesh lagi huwi milti hai.
aap ne "tarH denaa" kii tarkiib bahut soch ke isti'maal kii hai kyoN
kih sach yahii hai kih maiN Raj Kumar Sahib ke "'udoo" ko bhaaNp gayaa
thaa lekin itnii achchhii Ghazal paRhte maiN ne munaasib nah samjhaa
kih is meN ek "chhoooooooooooTaa saa" kiiRaa nikaaluuN:)
ab aap ne mujhe chheR hii diyaa hai to....:):)
dewwaan....yaqiin-an typo hai
mosoom....surely....mausoom
ab mujhe apnii taHriir ko har Ghalatii se paak rakhnaa ho gaa!!! awr
aisaa mere liye mumkin nahiiN!!! yih aap KHud jaante haiN:)
> Rooh e Afzaa ki botal se yaad aayaa k abhi abhi deewaan e Momin kaa
> "wuhi" nusKha kholaa to us meN bhi is bhi isi zameen meN aik she'r
> nikal aayaa. mulaahiza keejiye:
ruuH-afzaa...yaa kih ruuH-i-afzaa?
> maiN qadd e yaar ko shamshaad kehne waalaa thaa
> zabaaN se niklaa magar, "Coca Cola ki botal"!!! :)
bahut KHuub!!
KHair-KHvaah,
Naseer
Vijay
> udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
>
> --------------------
>
> hasb-e-ma'amool, aap sabhii dostoN ke ta'assuraat kaa intezaar rahe
> gaa!
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Sahib, do aik din me baad ALUP pe aaya, aap kii ghazal paRhii,
paise vasuul!! kabhi kabhii aisa lagta hai ki ALUP ka jhukaa'o ab Urdu
Language kii taraf ziaadah aur Urdu.Language.Poetry kii taraf kam hota
jaa raha hai. is liie jab aik aisii hasiin ghazal paRhne ko miltii
hai, to bas, kya kehne. (You get my drift, and my slight bias towards
Urdu poetry c.f the Language part)
apni ghazal meN jis tarah aap ne 'botal' (lafz) ko aik naazniin ke
ruup meN dekha (aur is ka istemaal kii hai), voh aik tarah se aap ke
PaNjabi hone kaa sabuut hai. voh is liie ki Urdu shaairii meN maiN ne
kabhi bhii 'botal' pe naa to kabhii koii ghazal na naghma suna ya
paRha hai, Khaas kar jis meN is lafz ko mehbuuba ya nazniin ke ba-taur
istemaal kiia ho. aur idhar paNjabi meN har doosra giit 'nashe diie
baNd botle' ke mauzuu pe hota hai!:-)
mujhe sabhii asha'ar pasaNd aae,lekin she'r no. 2 to bohat hii kamaal
ka lagaa. jaise 11/10 ho.
lafz-e-kabhii doosre misre meN chaar dafa istemaal huua hai, aur kis
Khuubsuuratuu se huua hai. lafzoN kii takraar aur she'roN meN bhii hai
aur har jagah hii bohat dil paziir lagii hai.
she'r no. 6 aur 7 to Khumaariat se bharpur aur chuur chuur haiN. she'r
no 8 meN girah bhii Khuub lagii hai. jaisa Amjad sahib ne farmaaya,
yeh she'r 'orginal' she'r se bhii ziaadah Khuubsuurat ban payaa hai.
aur maqta to hamesha kii tarah la-jawaab hai. magar haasil-e-ghazal,
kam-az-kam mere liie, she'r no. 2 hii hai.
aap, agar ho sake to, har mahiine ke shuruu meN aik ghazal ALUP pe
chapsaaN kar deN to yahaaN ka traffic bana rahegaa!
Best Regards,
Vijay Kumar
P.S maiN aap se e-mail ke zariie kucch puuchhna chaahta thaa. kyaa yeh
ALUP valaa e-mail Thiik hai? agar nahiin to kya aap mujhe apna e-mail
address vijay76 at gmail dot com pe bhej sakte haiN? shukriia!
Raj Kumar
janaab-e-Afzal saahib:
jab aap jaise suKhan-fehm dost ki daad mile to kaun hai jo jaame meiN
phoolaa na samaaye ga --- to, bas, yihii samajh leejiye k, aap ki
raaye jaan kar, mera bhi yihii aalam hu'aa hai!
huzoor, aap ne to 'aek hi' fiqre meiN itna kuchh keh diyaa hai k agar
ko'ii doosra shaKhs is Ghazal par ta'areefoN ka aNbaar lagaa deta to
bhi aisa na keh paata!
nateejatan, maiN aap ki is dil-pazeer navaazish ke liye, aap ka taih-e-
dil se mamnoon hooN.
> To set the record straight, the film was released in 1983.
I dutifully conveyed your message to my 'source' who, in turn, checked
with his 'source' --- and came back with the 'startling' info that
this film got its "censor certification" on October 05, 1984 --- so,
how could it be that it was released in 1983?
If that is the response from my 'source', then you may like to double-
check with your 'source'! :)
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Afzal A. Khan
> janaab-e-Afzal saahib:
>
> jab aap jaise suKhan-fehm dost ki daad mile to kaun hai jo jaame meiN
> phoolaa na samaaye ga --- to, bas, yihii samajh leejiye k, aap ki
> raaye jaan kar, mera bhi yihii aalam hu'aa hai!
>
> huzoor, aap ne to 'aek hi' fiqre meiN itna kuchh keh diyaa hai k agar
> ko'ii doosra shaKhs is Ghazal par ta'areefoN ka aNbaar lagaa deta to
> bhi aisa na keh paata!
>
> nateejatan, maiN aap ki is dil-pazeer navaazish ke liye, aap ka taih-e-
> dil se mamnoon hooN.
>
>> To set the record straight, the film was released in 1983.
>
> I dutifully conveyed your message to my 'source' who, in turn, checked
> with his 'source' --- and came back with the 'startling' info that
> this film got its "censor certification" on October 05, 1984 --- so,
> how could it be that it was released in 1983?
>
> If that is the response from my 'source', then you may like to double-
> check with your 'source'! :)
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
You and your 'source' are right. That was my mistake.
Ah, the bane of advancing age !
Afzal
Naseer
janaab-i-Afzal Sahib, aadaab 'arz hai.
> You and your 'source' are right. That was my mistake.
> Ah, the bane of advancing age !
lagtaa hai kih jo da'vaa maiN ne Zafar Sahib se kiyaa kih aap (Zafar
Sahib) yaad-daasht ke silsile meN Afzal Sahib ke bahut piichhe haiN,
Ghalat hii saabit huaa:) un kaa kahnaa thaa kih aap (sirf) pachaas
saal pahle kii baateN ba-KHuubii yaad kar sakte haiN. 1983/1984 to kal
kaa vaaqi'ah hai! aap kii Himaayat meN hamaarii saakh bhii raakh ho
gaii:)
KHair-KHvaah,
Naseer
Raj Kumar
> moHtaram Raj Kumar saHib
>
> aap ki ghazliyaat meiN "khumaariyaat" ka ye khaaksaar qaail hai :), is
> se zyaadah kia kahooN.
huzoor, mujhe qat'an ilm na thaa k aap mere kalaam-e-be-lagaam ke is
vasf ke qaa'il haiN --- maiN Ghareeb to aaj tak yihii samajhtaa rahaa
k aap
"saaf qaa'il bhi naheeeN, saaf mukarte bhi naheeN"! ;)
mazaaq bar-taraf, itna to bataaiye k saheeh lafz "zyaadah" hai yaa k
"ziyaadah"? ;)
> ghazal bahot khoob hai, aur meri daad bhi Haazir hai.
zahe naseeb, Amjad saahib, --- agar meri yeh Ghazal aap jaise "rafeeq-
e-suKhan" ko pasaNd aa'ii hai to aap bas yooN samjhiye k mujh Ghareeb
ki mehnat bar aa'ii!
> maine Urdu meiN likh kar jab is misre ko talaash kia to BBC Urdu ki
> website per poora she'r kuch is Haalat meiN mila :) :
>
> ye apni mastee hai jis ne machaai hai hulchul
> nasha sharaab meiN hota to naachti botal
>
> agar ye she'r vaaqai kisi ghazal ka hai to phir ye ghazal "ghair
> muraddaf" ho sakti hai. aur ye bhi ho sakta hai ke ye she'r "iklotaa"
> ho.
>
> bahar.kaif mujhe aap ki girah zyaadah pasand aayee
Thank you very much, Sir, for discovering the original she'r ---
which, in my opinion, is pretty good! Yes, I mean it!!!
albatta, agar aap ko Khaaksaar ki girah ziyaada pasaNd aa'ii hai to is
meiN mera ko'ii dosh naheeN hai --- agar hai to aap ka hai! :) bal-
k, LOL
du'aa-go, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> Sir,
>
> Maqta is beautiful although ghazal is no doubt is very good.
>
> na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
> udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
janaab-e-Sat Pal ji:
Ghazal ki pasaNdeedagi ke liye --- aur is ke maqt'e ko Khusoosii taur
se saraahane ke liye --- maiN aap ka taih-e-dil se mamnoon hooN!
bahut bahut shukriya aap ka!!!
R.K.
Raj Kumar
Mohit miyaaN, aap ke vichaar to (Bhagvaan ki mahaan k'ripaa se) baRe
shuddh haiN albatta, --- jab aap 'mere huzoor' aayeN aur 'meri
Khaatir' ko'ii she'r paRheN to us she'r ko kam-az-kam baihr meiN to
honaa chaahiye!
In other words, aap agar apne is sher' ko yooN kaheN to kaisa rahe?
kahaaN maNdir, kahaaN masjid, kahaaN girjaa, saaqii!
REH GAYE peechhe JUN-HI haath meiN aa'ii botal!!
Isn't that much better? ;)
In any case, many many thanks for your kind attention to this Ghazal.
R.K.
surjit singh
No points for guessing who his sources are :)
UVR
That was, of course, hardly a surprise.
What was surprising is that Dr. Pathria (a) came across a
film song (b) from the 80s (c) composed by Bappi Lahiri
(holy cow!) (d) sung by an obviously out of shape Kishore,
and still zeroed-in on the one line of the whole lyric that
had any poetic merit!
-UVR.
UVR
janaab RK saahib,
I must admit that I'm extremely surprised that (and
"I-can-hardly-contain-myself" curious as to why) you
chose not to set this to the same behr as your Ghazal.
misaal ke taur par isee mazmoon ko kuchh is tarah
bhi bayaan kiyaa jaa saktaa thaa --
kahaaN ke dair-o-haram, kaisa kufr, kyaa eemaan
har ek fikr CHHUTI, haath jo lagi botal
Note that I am NOT at all trying to say that this is better
than your version of the "sh'er" proffered by Mohit sb. --
ONLY that it's in the behr he'd probably have wanted.
-UVR.
Raj Kumar
> On Nov 20, 2:33 pm, Raj Kumar <rajkumarq...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
--------------
>
> janaab RK saahib,
>
> I must admit that I'm extremely surprised that (and
> "I-can-hardly-contain-myself" curious as to why) you
> chose not to set this to the same behr as your Ghazal.
Ravindra saahib:
You are absolutely right that I did not render Mohit saahib's she'r
into the same baihr in which my Ghazal was --- for the truth of it, I
simply wanted to put it in 'some' baihr, whichever that baihr happened
to be!
> misaal ke taur par isee mazmoon ko kuchh is tarah
> bhi bayaan kiyaa jaa saktaa thaa --
>
> kahaaN ke dair-o-haram, kaisa kufr, kyaa eemaan
> har ek fikr CHHUTI, haath jo aayi botal
I don't know, why --- but I do feel that your second misra is a bit
"Dheelaa"! How about
har aek fikr chuTii, haath jab lagii botal! ???
In any case, you are right that I should have remained loyal to the
baihr of my own Ghazal, in which case I could have suggested something
like this:
kahaaN ke dair-o-haram, kaise dharm aur eemaaN?
pichhaR gaye voh kaheeN, haath jab lagii botal!!!
> Note that I am NOT at all trying to say that this is better
> than your version of the "sh'er" proffered by Mohit sb. --
> ONLY that it's in the behr he'd probably have wanted.
Got it!
R.K.
UVR
I am much obliged that you chose to reply to my post
"out of band", RK saahib. maiN to yeh soch rahaa
thaa k aap meri is post kaa "in its own time" jawaab
deNge.
-UVR.
PS: aayi vs. lagi -- I was misled by the qaafiya used
by Mohit sb and yourself; I realized it as soon as I had
hit "send", retracted my post and resent it with 'lagii',
but alas! it was too late. :) Oh, well.
Raj Kumar
--------
> No points for guessing who his sources are :)
WOOOOOW!
Look, S.S., you should at least be willing to appreciate the fact that
I (as a journalist of impeccable integrity, which I am!) DID NOT
reveal my sources ----- however, if the sources themselves decide to
show up in public and try to steal some of the limelight that was
focussed entirely on me ---- then, tell me, what can "poor me" do? ;)
R.K.P.
Raj Kumar
Simply because I am currently as "out of shape" as Kishore was at that
time! LOL
R.K.
mishra...@yahoo.com
> shuddh haiN albatta, --- jab aap 'mere huzoor' aayeN aur 'meri
> Khaatir' ko'ii she'r paRheN to us she'r ko kam-az-kam baihr meiN to
> honaa chaahiye!
>
> In other words, aap agar apne is sher' ko yooN kaheN to kaisa rahe?
>
> kahaaN maNdir, kahaaN masjid, kahaaN girjaa, saaqii!
> REH GAYE peechhe JUN-HI haath meiN aa'ii botal!!
>
> Isn't that much better? ;)
>
> In any case, many many thanks for your kind attention to this Ghazal.
>
> R.K.
na sirf better balki bahut-bahut better, Rajkumar ji aapne sahi
farmaya ki baihR ke bina sher kehna paap jaisa hota hai, mujhse hua
hai, shukr hai aapne shuddh kar diya :o) Vichar bachpan se shuddh nahi
thhe wo to bas kuchh aasan shayri padh kar ho gaye hain, aur shayri se
mera waisa hi rishta hai jaisa cricket se zyadatar Indians ka...jaise
log batting ke liye sachin tendulkar ko bhi suggestions to de sakte
hain lekin us level ka khel nahi sakte, mere saath bhi yahi hua, aap
ka likha padha to inspire hua aur koshish karke jo ban pada pesh kar
diya, sab sachin tendulkar (aur shayad aap) ki tarah blessed nahi
hote. ALUP kaafi time se padh raha hoon aur ismein shamil hone ka mann
karta hai, kuchh ek baar koshish bhi ki lekin..... khair aap ki
ghazal padh kar kuchh likhne ko inspire hua thha... aap ne theek karke
aur motivate kiya hai.. ab kuchh bhi likhne se pehle saare niyam qayde
yaad rakhne ki koshish karoonga aur agar yaad nahi hue to nahi
likhoonga... kyun na aap is ghazal ko kuchh aur bada karein? bahut kam
hi is level ka padhne ko milta hai... kyun na hum sab milkar is ghazal
ko aur badhayen... sab contribute karein (main nahi kar paunga kyunki
mujhe qayde nahi aate hain :o) ) aap, Naseer sir, UVR ji, Kali Hawa,
Zoya ji aur baaki sab bhi....
tanhaa
Oye! Whaddya mean "Out of shape"?
I love that song
Amit Malhotra
Raj Kumar
> janaab-i-Raj Kumar Sahib, aadaab 'arz hai.
>
> aap kii pesh-kardah Ghazal bahut pasand aaii. is meN roz-marrah ke
> alfaaz awr phir un kii takraar se mausiiqiyat kaa samaaN bahut hii
> KHuub-suurat hai. merii jaanib se bahut sii daad qubuul kiijiye.
janaab-e-Naseer saahib:
aap ke mahabbat-naame ka javaab dene meiN taaKheer ho gayee, jis ke
liye maiN ma'azirat-Khwaah hooN!
huzoor, yeh meri KHush-qismati hai k aap ko yeh Ghazal pasaNd aa'ii.
aur yeh jaaan kar mazeed Khushii hu'ii k aap ko is Ghazal meiN
inteKhaab-e-alfaaz aur takraar-e-lafzii ki naGhmagii ke mahaasin
Khusoosi taur se achchhe lage. aur jahaaN tak aap ki daad ki baat hai
voh to Khaaksaar ke sar aaNkhoN par hai hi!
> 1. maiN tashna-lab tha magar b a N d b a N d thii botal!
> uThii jo aaNkh kisii kii to k h u l gayee botal!!! :)
>
> vaah vaah! kyaa KHuub shi'r hai....aaNkh kaa uThnaa awr botal kaa
> khulnaa...kyaa baat hai!
navaazish hai aap ki, saahib!
> 3. hare bhare mire armaaN, hare bhare sapne
> magar na haath meiN aa'ii 'harii bharii' botal
>
> yahaaN par Raj Kumar Sahib maiN aap se ek bachchagaanah saa savaal
> puuchhnaa chaahtaa huuN. farz kar liijiye kih duusre misr'e meN aap
> harii-bharii kii bajaae "harii harii" likhte. to harii harii (green)
> ke 'ilaavah "hari(i)" ba-ma'nii KHudaa kaa "word-play" kaisaa lagtaa?
> ya'nii "magar nah haath aaii mere Khudaa, botal"!
Naseer saahib, baat agar botal ki bajaaye "chuuRiyoN" ki hoti to maiN
yaqeenan kehta: "hari hari chuuRiyaaN"! :)
albatta, baat ho rahi hai botal ki --- aur pas-e-pardah --- mehbooba
ki! bas, isi liye "harii-bharii" kahaa hai --- ba-ma'ani, "javaan-
jahaan"! ab to samajh gaye naa aap? ;)
rahi baat "harii harii" ba-ma'ani "Bhagvaan" ki, to arz hai k jis qism
ki "be-huuda" baateN maiN ne is Ghazal meiN kahi haiN, unheN kehte
huye Bhagvaan se taKhaatub karne ki jur'at kam-az-kam mujh meiN to
naheeN hai! LOL
> 4. tumhaarii "neem-nigaahii" ne maar maar diyaa!
> khaTak rahii hai nazar meiN voh "adh-khulii" botal!!!
>
> niim-nigaahii awr adh-khulii! ek baar phir daad qubuul kiijiye!
to leejiye aap ki daad daaKhil-e-daftar kar di gayee hai!
> kyaa yahaaN "maar maar diyaa" ke ma'nii haiN "saaNp maar diyaa"? :) :)
TOUCHE!!!
> 5. ghuTii ghuTii si suraahii, dabii dabii si sharaab
> hameN to chaahiye ik "jeeti jaagtii" botal!
>
> "ghuTii ghuTii" paRhte vaqt mere zihn meN "ghuuNT" kaa tasavvur bhii
> aataa hai, jis kaa, zaahir hai, piine pilaane se ta'alluq hai.
vaah, vaa, tasavvur ho to aisa --- ba-har-haal, shukr hai k aap ko
"ghuTii ghuTii" paRhte vaqt us "ghuTTii" ka Khayaal naheeN aayaa jo
nannhe-munne bachchoN ko pilaa'ii jaatii hai! :)
Khair, isi baat par aek she'r sunte jaaiye:
mujh ko "ghuTTii" meiN milii thii "ho ke hal" Urdu zabaaN!
maiN ne jo kuchh keh diyaa, husn-e-bayaaN bantaa gayaa!!!
(Firaaq)
> 6. jhijak jhijak si rahii thii magar, Khudaa rakkhe,
> juNhii khulii to chhalaktii chalii gayee botal!
>
> aap ne is botal ko pahle zaruur KHuub hilaayaa ho gaa:)
ain mumkin hai k aisa ho gayaa ho --- magar is vaqt Theek tarah se
yaad naheeN aa rahaa! :)
> 7. lagaaya haath to sharmaa ke kuchh simaT si gayee!
> bharaa jo ghooNT to yak-dam machal gayee botal!!!
>
> bahut ma'nii-KHez shi'r hai!
bas ho gayaa, saahib, varna "maiN kahaaN aur kahaaN yeh fann-e-
lateef"!
> 8. Khumaar rooh ko hotaa to jism lehraataa!
> "nashaa sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal"!
>
> yaqiin-an aap ek "ruuH-afzaa" naamii Pakistani mashruub kii baat kar
> rahe hoN ge:) yaqiin-an ruuH KHush ho gaa to jism lahraae gaa hii.
> bahut KHuub!
daad ke liye mamnoon hooN, saahib, albatta aek baat arz hai --- voh
yeh k sharbat-e-rooh-afzaa to Pakistan ke qayaam se bhi pehle ka hai,
jise Dilli ke Hamdard Davaa-Khaane ne taiyaar kiyaa tha. is liye, aap
ise Hindustani mashruub kaheN to ziyaad munaasib hoga! :)
yaa phir ise "mashruub-e-barr-e-saGheer-e-Hind" keheN --- to bhi chale
ga! LOL
> 8. na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
> udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
>
> itnii Ghaflat kaa zaahir hai yahii natiijah ho gaa kih 'uduu ke haath
> janaab-i-Qais kii botal jaa lage gii!
janaab, aap is dukh-daayak ghaTnaa ko meri Ghaflat se kyooN mansoob
kar rahe haiN --- ise meri "phooTi qismat" se mansoob kareN to
ziyaada munaasib hogaa! :)
> ek baar phir aap ko ek shiiriiN Ghazal pesh karne kaa shukriyah awr
> mubaarak-baad.
aek baar phir aap ke mahabbat-naame ke liye aap ka shukriya!
Raj Kumar
Naseer
On Nov 22, 4:43 pm, Raj Kumar <rajkumarq...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> aap ke mahabbat-naame ka javaab dene meiN taaKheer ho gayee, jis ke
> liye maiN ma'azirat-Khwaah hooN!
jii aap mujhe kyoN sharmindah kar rahe haiN. mere liye yih sabr kaa
phal "ruuH-afzaa" sharbat se bhii miiThaa hai!
> vaah, vaa, tasavvur ho to aisa --- ba-har-haal, shukr hai k aap ko
> "ghuTii ghuTii" paRhte vaqt us "ghuTTii" ka Khayaal naheeN aayaa jo
> nannhe-munne bachchoN ko pilaa'ii jaatii hai! :)
>
> Khair, isi baat par aek she'r sunte jaaiye:
>
> mujh ko "ghuTTii" meiN milii thii "ho ke hal" Urdu zabaaN!
> maiN ne jo kuchh keh diyaa, husn-e-bayaaN bantaa gayaa!!!
> (Firaaq)
bahut KHuub, Raj Kumar Sahib. bahut bahut shukriyah.
> > yaqiin-an aap ek "ruuH-afzaa" naamii Pakistani mashruub kii baat kar
> > rahe hoN ge:) yaqiin-an ruuH KHush ho gaa to jism lahraae gaa hii.
> > bahut KHuub!
>
> daad ke liye mamnoon hooN, saahib, albatta aek baat arz hai --- voh
> yeh k sharbat-e-rooh-afzaa to Pakistan ke qayaam se bhi pehle ka hai,
> jise Dilli ke Hamdard Davaa-Khaane ne taiyaar kiyaa tha. is liye, aap
> ise Hindustani mashruub kaheN to ziyaad munaasib hoga! :)
> yaa phir ise "mashruub-e-barr-e-saGheer-e-Hind" keheN --- to bhi chale
> ga! LOL
janaab aap to "Jurassic Park" ke zamaane kii baat kar rahe haiN
awr maiN "kal" kii:) jis ham-dard davaa KHaane kaa aap ne
zikr chheRaa hai us ke baare meN bhii bahut kuchh sun rakhaa
hai. "ham-dard" kii davaa bahut se logoN ke liye jaan-levaa saabit
huii hai.
agar aap ko yaqiin nahiiN aataa to Talat marHuum se puuchhiye..
"ham-dard ke maaroN kaa itnaa hii fasaanah hai":) hamaare haaN bhii
ham-dard davaa-KHaanah hai lekin yih log itne zaalim nahiiN:)
KHair-andesh,
Naseer
Raj Kumar
> Raj Kumar saahib,
>
> bhai waah. "botal" lafz kaa itnaa ma'ani-Khez ist'emaal
> shaayad hi kisi shaa'ir ne kiyaa ho. (agar kiyaa bhi hai to,
> kam az kam, meri "observation" meN to naheeN aayaa ...
> LOL!) bahut Khoob.
Ravindra saahib:
Ghazal ki pazeeraa'ii ke liye maiN aap ka mamnoon hooN. baat aap ki
saheeh hai k, agarche Urdu shaa'irii meiN jaam-o-mai ka charchaa be-
intehaa rahaa hai magar, lafz 'botal' ko kisi ne is DhaNg se naheeN
barta jis DhaNg se maiN ne is Ghazal meiN bartaa hai --- aur yeh bhi
saheeh hai k agar kisi ne aisa kiyaa bhi hai to voh taKhleeq hamaari
nazroN se mastoor rahi hai.
ba-har-haal, aap ko merii yeh kaavish pasaNd aa'ii --- yeh baat meri
liye baa'is-e-sad-masarrat hai!
> aap ne is Ghazal meN ek "filmi misr'e" par girah hi naheeN
> lagaayi, bal-k aisi Ghazal taiyaar ki hai k Ghazal-gaayakoN
> ke repertoires par (perfect) "fit" baiThe. aap ki GhazaleN to
> waise gaayi jaa chukee haiN, aur mujhe is waqt janaab
> Pankaj Udhas kaa naam yaad aa rahaa hai
is Ghazal ke baare meiN aap ki yeh baat to nihaayat dil-pazeer aur
jaaN-fizaa hai --- dekhiye, shaayad kabhi aisa mauq'a ban hi
jaaye! :)
> lekin yaqeenan
> agar aap Khud ise tarannum meN paRheNge to sunne
> waaloN ko AUUUUR lutf aayegaa!
maiN ise zaroor tarannum se paRhooN ga aur, jaisa k aap ka Khayaal
hai, sun_ne vaaloN ko AUUUUR bhi lutf aaye ga --- I hope, you would be
present in the audience! :)
Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> hasb-e-ma'amool, mujhe aapki ye Ghazal bhi bahut pasand aayi, RK sahib,
> aur maza to is baat ka k maiN ne ise ba-zabaan-e-shaayar pahle bhi sun
> liya thaa! us vaqt bhi aapko daad di thi, aur is vaqt bhi daad de
> rahaa houN..
mujhe ba-Khoobii yaad hai k aap ne jab yeh Ghazal ba-zabaan-e-shaa'ir
sunii thii tab bhi aap ne jii khol kar daad dii thii --- ab ise, ALUP
ki vasaatat se, do-baarah paRh kar do-baara daad de rahe haiN to yooN
samajhiye k aap mujh par dohrii inaayat farmaa rahe haiN. :)
maiN aap ki is faiyyaazii ke liye aap ka be-had mamnoon hooN!
> Ghazal ka har sh'er qaabil-e-daad hai, maqta to bahut hi
> khoob hai, sh'er number 4 aur 6 khusoosan pasand aaye haiN.
huzoor, jin ash'aar ko aap ne Khusoosii taur se pasaNd farmaaya hai,
voh Ghareeb to jaame meiN phoole naheeN samaa rahe! :)
> ek aur behtareen Ghazal par meri taraf se DheroN daad haazir hai.
is DheroN daad ke liye aap ka DheroN shukriya, Amit saahib!
Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> On Nov 15, 4:43 pm, Naseer <qures...@googlemail.com> wrote:
>
>
> > 8. na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
> > udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
>
> > itnii Ghaflat kaa zaahir hai yahii natiijah ho gaa kih 'uduu ke haath
> > janaab-i-Qais kii botal jaa lage gii!
>
> Khud hi tarah de gaye! aur waise bhi 'adoo ko 'udoo likhnaa itnaa
> 'aam hai k naujawaan Ghalib bhi is moR par laRkhaRaaye haiN. chunaaN
> che un ke Khud-navishta dewwaan meN -- jise "nusKha e Bhopal" ke naam
> se mosoom kiyaa jaataa hai -- kayi maqaamaat par 'adoo ki ain ke oopar
> pesh lagi huwi milti hai.
janaab-e-Zafar saahib:
maiN to aek arse se "udoo" hi likhta aayaa hooN --- ab jab-k aap ki ba-
daulat yeh pata chal gayaa hai k saheeh lafz 'adoo' hai, to maiN
va'ada karta hooN k aa'iNda kisi bhi 'adoo' ko 'udoo' naheeN kahooN
ga! :)
jaisa k aap ne Mirzaa Ghaalib ke baare meiN farmaaya hai, isi tarah
jab kabhi maiN ne yeh lafz Urdu meiN likkha hai to harf 'ain' par pesh
Daalne se naheeN chookaa --- aap mulaahiza farmaaiye "Saihraa Saihraa"
ke p.37 par yeh she'r:
baa-vujood-e-inaayat-e-yaaraaN
dil se aNdesha-e-adoo na gayaa!
dekhiye, maiN ne vahaaN harf 'ain' par kyaa sareehan pesh Daali hai
----------------- NOT ANY MORE!!!
> > ek baar phir aap ko ek shiiriiN Ghazal pesh karne kaa shukriyah awr
> > mubaarak-baad.
>
> is baat meN koyi shak naheeN k bahut 'umda Ghazal kahi hai apne Qais
> saahib ne. bal k maiN to kahooN gaa k mujhe ye Ghazal un ki tamaam
> taKhleeqaat meN bahut numaayaaN maqaam par nazar aati hai.
Ghazal ki pasaNdeedagi aur (is Khusoosi taur se) saraahanaa par, aap
ka bahut bahut shukriya!
> agar mazmoon likhte waqt ye Ghazal mere saamne hoti to maiN is par zaroor
> taba' aazmaayi kartaa.
aap ne jab voh mazmoon likkha thaa, tab tak to yeh Ghazal abhi zuhoor
meiN bhi naheeN aa'ii thii --- kyooN-k yeh ma'asooma to abhi kul do-
chaar maheene ki hai! :)
> so meri taraf se bhi mubaarakbaad.
aur meri taraf se bhi --- "navaazish, karam, shukriya, mehrbaanii"!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> Raj Sahib, do aik din ke baad ALUP pe aaya, aap kii ghazal paRhii,
> paise vasuul!!
yeh to bahut achchhi baat hai, Vijay saahib, k udhar meri Ghazal paRh
kar aap ke paise vusool ho gaye aur idhar aap ki yeh baat sun kar meri
mehnat vusool ho gayee! :)
> kabhi kabhii aisa lagta hai ki ALUP ka jhukaa'o ab Urdu
> Language kii taraf ziaadah aur Urdu.Language.Poetry kii taraf kam hota
> jaa raha hai. is liie jab aik aisii hasiin ghazal paRhne ko miltii
> hai, to bas, kya kehne. (You get my drift, and my slight bias towards
> Urdu poetry c.f the Language part)
aap ki baat bilkul saheeh hai --- maslan jab maiN ne, haal hi meiN,
kuchh ex-ALUPers aur ex-ALUPresses se raabita qaa'im kiyaa tha to un
sabhoN ka yihi kehna tha k "ALUP bahut badal gayaa hai" aur un sab ka
ishaara isi baat ki taraf tha!
ba-har-haal, agar yahaaN Urdu zabaan ki ta'ameer-o-tashkeel par Ghaur-
o-Khauz karne ke saath saath, Urdu shaa'irii ki ra'anaa'ii-o-jaazibat
par bhi munaasib tavajjo di jaaye to ho sakta hai sone par suhaage
vaali baat ho jaaye!
> apni ghazal meN jis tarah aap ne 'botal' (lafz) ko aik naazniin ke
> ruup meN dekha (aur is ka istemaal kii hai), voh aik tarah se aap ke
> PaNjabi hone kaa sabuut hai. voh is liie ki Urdu shaairii meN maiN ne
> kabhi bhii 'botal' pe naa to kabhii koii ghazal na naghma suna ya
> paRha hai, Khaas kar jis meN is lafz ko mehbuuba ya nazniin ke ba-taur
> istemaal kiia ho. aur idhar paNjabi meN har doosra giit 'nashe diie
> baNd botle' ke mauzuu pe hota hai!:-)
aap ne to --- "bharii bazm meiN raaz kii baat keh dii"! ab to mujhe
tasleem karna hi hoga k maiN Panjaabi hooN! :)
aur is se bhi baRh kar yeh k jab maiN ne yeh Ghazal kehne ki Thaani
thi to mere zehn meiN sirf do hi misre the ---
aek to vuhi (nasha sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal) jo is Ghazal
ka misra'-e-tar'h banaa aur
doosra voh jis ka zikr aap ne kiyaa hai (daaroo diye baNd botle,
tenuuN peen ge naseebaaN vaale) jo is Ghazal ke mauzoo' ka manb'a-e-
ilqaa (= source of inspiration) saabit hu'aa! huzoor, isi Panjaabi
misre ki ba-daulat, maiN ne yeh Ghazal kehte huye kabhi botal ko
mehbooba samjha to kabhi mehbooba ko botal!
> mujhe sabhii asha'ar pasaNd aae,lekin she'r no. 2 to bohat hii kamaal
> ka lagaa. jaise 11/10 ho.
> lafz-e-kabhii doosre misre meN chaar dafa istemaal huua hai, aur kis
> Khuubsuuratuu se huua hai. lafzoN kii takraar aur she'roN meN bhii hai
> aur har jagah hii bohat dil paziir lagii hai.
is meiN ko'i shak naheeN k is Ghazal meiN takraar-e-lafzii jii bhar
kar numaayaaN hu'ii hai --- aap ne is vasf ki pazeeraa'ii kii hai, jis
ke liye maiN aap ka mamnoon hooN.
albatta, kisi bhi she'r ko 11/10 ke 'grade' se sar-faraaz karna
qavaaneen-e-riyaazii ke lihaaz se jaa'iz naheeN hai! LOL
> she'r no. 6 aur 7 to Khumaariat se bharpur aur chuur chuur haiN.
aap ke is irshaad par, maiN ne yeh ash'aar dobaara paRhe to yaqeenan
mujhe bhi kuchh aisa hi mehsoos hu'aa jaisa k aap ne farmaaya hai!
> she'r
> no 8 meN girah bhii Khuub lagii hai. jaisa Amjad sahib ne farmaaya,
> yeh she'r 'orginal' she'r se bhii ziaadah Khuubsuurat ban payaa hai.
maiN aap ka aur Amjad saahib ka be-had shukr-guzaar hooN k aap dono
saahibaan ne meri is girah-baNdii ko is qadar pasaNd farmaaya hai!
> aur maqta to hamesha kii tarah la-jawaab hai. magar haasil-e-ghazal,
> kam-az-kam mere liie, she'r no. 2 hii hai.
janaab, agar aap ka yihii Khayaal hai to chaar-o-naa-chaar maan lete
haiN! ;)
> aap, agar ho sake to, har mahiine ke shuruu meN aik ghazal ALUP pe
> chapsaaN kar deN to yahaaN ka traffic bana rahegaa!
mujhe aap ka yeh Khayaal be-had pasaNd aayaa hai kyooN-k, aisa karne
se, Khud meri bhi baa-qaa'idagi banii rahe gi!
to, chaliye, aa'iNda aisa hi hoga!!!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Naseer
On Nov 27, 1:00 am, Raj Kumar <rajkumarq...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> On Nov 16, 3:52 pm, Vijay <guz...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > kabhi kabhii aisa lagta hai ki ALUP ka jhukaa'o ab Urdu
> > Language kii taraf ziaadah aur Urdu.Language.Poetry kii taraf kam hota
> > jaa raha hai. is liie jab aik aisii hasiin ghazal paRhne ko miltii
> > hai, to bas, kya kehne. (You get my drift, and my slight bias towards
> > Urdu poetry c.f the Language part)
>
> aap ki baat bilkul saheeh hai --- maslan jab maiN ne, haal hi meiN,
> kuchh ex-ALUPers aur ex-ALUPresses se raabita qaa'im kiyaa tha to un
> sabhoN ka yihi kehna tha k "ALUP bahut badal gayaa hai" aur un sab ka
> ishaara isi baat ki taraf tha!
agar yih log is tabdiilii se shaadaaN haiN, to yih hamaarii KHush-
nasiibii hai. awr agar vuh naalaaN haiN to lagtaa hai kih merii
shaamat aane vaalii hai!
> ba-har-haal, agar yahaaN Urdu zabaan ki ta'ameer-o-tashkeel par Ghaur-
> o-Khauz karne ke saath saath, Urdu shaa'irii ki ra'anaa'ii-o-jaazibat
> par bhi munaasib tavajjo di jaaye to ho sakta hai sone par suhaage
> vaali baat ho jaaye!
yahii merii bhii soch hai. vaise agar kabhii-kabhaar zabaan ke silsile
meN baat-chiit ho jaae to mere KHayaal meN is meN koii Harj nahiiN.
agar aap puraanii laRiyoN par nazar DaaleN to aap ko kaii aisii
misaaleN mil jaaeN gii jin meN alfaaz vaGhairah par baat-chiit huii
hai. is liHaaz se yih koii nayaa ruKH nahiiN hai.
KHair-andesh,
Naseer
Naseer
> yaaraan-e-mehfil:
>
> pichhle kayee dinoN se mujhe yeh misr'a "dukhii" kar rahaa tha:
>
> "nasha sharaab meiN hotaa to naachtii botal"!
>
> maiN ne apne do adad azeezoN se, ba-zariya 'phone', poochha k kyaa yeh
> misr'a kisi Ghazal ka hai --- agar hai to poora she'r kyaa hai?
>
> javaab milaa k yeh misr'a kisi she'r ka hissa naheeN hai bal-k film
> "sharaabii" (1984) ke aek gaane ka hai --- goyaa, yeh misr'a kisi had
> tak "laa-vaaris" sa hai!
>
> maiN ne apne dil ki Khalish ko door karne ka yihii upaaye sochaa k
> kyooN na is misre' ko misr'a-e-tar'h maan kar aek Ghazal keh dii jaaye
> aur us ke ba'ad aaraaaaam ki neeNd soyaa jaaye!
>
> to, leejiye, is saraaseemagi ke aalam meiN, jo Ghazal hu'ii, voh
> haazir-e-Khidmat hai ---- gar qubool uftad!
>
> -----------
>
> matl'a arz hai k
> 1. maiN tashna-lab tha magar b a N d b a N d thii botal!
> uThii jo aaNkh kisii kii to k h u l gayee botal!!! :)
>
> kabhii kabhii voh nigaaheN, kabhii kabhii botal!
> 3. hare bhare mire armaaN, hare bhare sapne
> magar na haath meiN aa'ii 'harii bharii' botal
>
> khaTak rahii hai nazar meiN voh "adh-khulii" botal!!!
>
> hameN to chaahiye ik "jeeti jaagtii" botal!
>
> juNhii khulii to chhalaktii chalii gayee botal!
>
> bharaa jo ghooNT to yak-dam machal gayee botal!!!
>
>
> aur ab maqt'a arz hai:
> 8. na poochhiye k dil-e-Gham-zadah pe kyaa beetii?
> udoo ke haath meiN dekhii jo Qais kii botal!
>
>
> hasb-e-ma'amool, aap sabhii dostoN ke ta'assuraat kaa intezaar rahe
> gaa!
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
muHtaram Raj Kumar SaaHib,
lagtaa hai kih jis shi3r par aap ne girah lagaa'ii thii vuh ba-qaul aap ke "laa-vaaris" nahiiN hai.
xud apnii hii mastii hai jis ne machaa'ii hai hal-chal
nashah sharaab meN hotaa to naachtii botal
Arif Jalali (1928--?)
Naseer
vij...@gmail.com
Vijay
vij...@gmail.com
BGM
nash'aa Shahaab meN hotaa to naachtii botal
Kyaa yeh sahiih haii ?
===========================================
vij...@gmail.com
Khud apni mastii hai jis ne machaaii hai hal chal.
Your version doesn't work for me either. I am sure Raj sahib will decide once and for all.
Vijay
Raj Kumar
muHtaram Raj Kumar SaaHib,
xud apnii hii mastii hai jis ne machaa'ii hai hal-chal
nashah sharaab meN hotaa to naachtii botal
Arif Jalali (1928--?)
Naseer
meri chhe baras puraani Ghazal ke misr’a-e-taraH ke asl Khaaliq ka naam DhuuND nikaalnaa sirf aap hi ke bas ki baat hai ---------- Aarif Jalaali.
Hats off to you, Sir!
Khudaa jhuuT na bulvaaye, maiN ne in saaHib ka naam pehle nahiiN sunaa.
albatta, is meN Hairat ki ko’ii baat naheeN hai --- kyuuN-k aaN-Hazrat ne bhi to meraa naam nahiiN sunaa hogaa! ☺
aamadam bar-sar-e-matlab --- Huzoor, aap ka ‘quote-kardah’ she’r saHiiH naheeN hai. is ke pehle misr’e meN lafz ‘hii’ zaa’id hai!
meri raaye meN, jo she’r janaab-e-Amjad ne apni 11/14/07 ki ‘post’ meN darj kiyaa thaa, bar-Haq thaa!
haaN, is ke pehle misr’e ke shuroo’a meN, lafz ‘yeh’ bhi ravaa hai aur lafz ‘Khud’ bhi ravaa hai --- albatta, is misr’e meN lafz ‘hii’ ka maqaam naheeN hai!***
Next, janaab-e-BGM wrote:
Khud apni hi mastee ne machaa'ii hal-chal
kyaa yeh sahiih hai ?
***Sorry, BG saaHib, aap ki ‘version’ to aur bhi ziyaada be-vazn hai --- kyuuN-k aap ne na sirf lafz ‘hi’ ko (jo k yahaaN har liHaaz se naa-mauzooN hai) bar-qaraar rakkhaa hai bal-k saHiiH tarkeeb ‘masti hai jis ne’ ko tark kar diyaa hai. nateejatan, aap ki ’version’ sar-aa-sar Ghalat hai. Sorry, my friend!
du’aa-go,
Raj Kumar ‘Qais’***
Naseer
is shi3r kaa vaaris Arif Jalali hii hai, jaisaa kih Amjad Saahib ne uupar likhaa hai.
yih apnii mastii hai jis ne machaa'ii hai halchal
https://mianwaliancolumnists.wordpress.com/2017/02/09/naachti-bottle-aur-arif-jalali/
Naseer
Raj Kumar
aap ki guunaa-guuN salaaHayyiatoN ka maddaaH, Raj Kumar***