koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasaa niklaa!
Raj Kumar
aek Ghazal, jo koi do-teen maah qabl poori hui thi, aaj aap sab ki
Khidmat meiN haazir hai; gar qubool uftad ------- .
----------------------
arz hai ke
1.
koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
2.
vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
3.
tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
4.
muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
5.
aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
6.
aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
7.
thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
8.
umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
aur ab maqta arz hai:
9.
Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
:-))
------------------------
hasb-e-ma'amool, aap sabhi ke ta'assuraat ka intezaar rahe ga.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Vijay
"Raj Kumar" <rajkp...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:bdbc3861.0110...@posting.google.com...
> Khwaateen-o-hazraat:
>
> aek Ghazal, jo koi do-teen maah qabl poori hui thi, aaj aap sab ki
> Khidmat meiN haazir hai; gar qubool uftad ------- .
>
Raj Kumar Sahib, bohat hii Khoobsoorat ghazal pesh kii hai aap ne. ab ke aap
ne aik bohat hii dil-aawez qaafia liia hai. Muzzafar Waarsi kii aik ghazal
thii, isii behar aur qaafie ke saath, jise Mehdi Hassan Sahib ne bohat hii
dilkash aNdaaz meN gaya thaa:
kyaa bhala mujhko parkhane kaa nateeja niklaa
zaKhm-e-dil aap kii nazroN se bhii gehraa niklaa
bas, aap kii ghazal ne kucch puraani yaadeN taza kar diiN!
> ----------------------
>
> arz hai ke
>
> 1.
> koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
bohat Khoob matla hai.
>
> 2.
> vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
> ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
'ai dost' kii tarkeeb bohat acchii hai. she'r kii 'composition' bohat umda
hai lekin mujhe thoRii sii diqqat dar-pesh hai ki pehle misre meN
lafz-e-'vuhii' se to aisa zaahir hota hai ki dost kaa shehar hamesha se hi
sehraa kii tarah hai, lekin doosre misre meN 'ab ke' is baat ke Khilaaf ja
raha hai! nahiiN?
P.S. Raj Sahib, meN ne aik baar phir paRha to ma'aloom huua keh 'vuhi' se
ishaara 'dost ke shehaar' kii taraf nahiiN, 'sehraa' kii taraf hai! bohat
Khoobsoorat she'r hai.
> 3.
> tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
> tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
>
bohat acche!!
> 4.
> muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
> maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
>
yeh she'r bhii bohat pasaNd aaya!
> 5.
> aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
>
bohat Khoob! bhaii vah vah!! kisii ke yaad aane kii aisii maNzarkashii to
kam hii dekhi/sunii thii. 'aaNkh se darya niklaa',!! bohat Khoob!!!
> 6.
> aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
> mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
bohat hii acchi tarkeeb hai sahib. niklaa, niklaa se jo immediacy kaa ehsaas
aap ne paida kiia hai, aur us ke saath 'aasmaanoN meiN ik hook uthne' kii
anticipation, aik bohat pur-asar she'r kaha hai aap ne.
>
> 7.
> thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
> kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
>
compared with others, this she'r is merely 'good':-)
> 8.
> umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
> Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
yeh she'r bhii no. 7 ke muqabile kaa hai:-)
>
> aur ab maqta arz hai:
>
> 9.
> Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> :-))
maqta to sahib aap neN asatiza ke mayyar ka keh diia. mera ishaaraa 'reKhte
ke tumhiiN ustaad nahiiN....' kii taraf hai!
Khair, mushkil yeh hai ki haasil-e-ghazal she'r no.6 ko kaha jaae yaa maqte
ko? aap kaa kya Khayaal hai?
Regards,
Vijay Kumar
>
> ------------------------
Sarwar Alam Raz
MaiN aap kee meHfil-e-adab maiN no-waarid hooN aur Rajiv Chakravarti
saaHeb kaa mamnoon hooN ke unhoaN ne mujhe is se roo-shanaas karaaya.
Aap kee GHazal maiN ne zouq-o-shouq se paRhee aur maHzooz hua. Us per
apne ta'assuraat likhne se qabl chand umoor kee wazaahat zarooree
ma'loom hotee hai taake kisee GHalat-fahmee kaa andaisha na rahe:
(1) MaiN Urdu shair-o-adab kaa aik adnaa taalib-e-ilm hooN aur mujh ko
is zimn maiN apne muta'alliq koi KHush-fahmee naheeN hai. Merey
ta'assuraat aur Hawaashee KHush-niyatee aur KHuloos per mabnee haiN
aur aa'inda bhee rahaiN-ge.
(2) Meri tanqeed-o-Hawaashee kaa maqsad tanqeed-e-bejaa hargiz naheeN
hai aur tanqees kaa to koi sawaal hee paidaa naheeN hota hai. MaiN
apne KHayalaat aur Hawaashee kee touzeeH-o-toujeeh paish kartaa rahooN
gaa. Koi zaroori naheeN hai ke meri her baat saHeeH aur
qaabil-e-qubool ho kyoN ke GHalatiyoN se paak to sirf aik hee zaat
hai. Aap merey Hawaashee per Hasb-e-zaaroorat tabsarah karne maiN
ta'ammul na kareN kyoN ke ta'meeree aur sanjeedah
tabaadala-e-KHayaalat ham sab kee adabee taraqqee ke liye zaroori hai.
Ab maiN aap kee GHazal ke muta'alliq kuCH arz karnaa chaahataa hooN:
Shair # 1: koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
maiN bharee bazm maiN aa kar bhee akelaa niklaa
Pehley misre maiN "koi" kaa itlaaq "hamraaz" aur "shanaasa" doanoN per
yaksaaN maqsood hai laikin misre ke darmiyaan main "hamraaz" ke ba'd
"na niklaa" ne "koi" ko "hamraaz" se ziyaadah aur "shanaasa" se kam
muta'alliq kar ke zoar-e-bayaan ko thoRa saa muta'assir kar diyaa hai.
Doosre yeh ke "bharee" bazm kee wazaaHat kee zaroorat mahsoos hotee
hai. Darj-e-zail tajweez maiN "akelaa" aur "tanhaa" ke baareek ma'nwee
farq aur us se paidaa hone waali fasaaHat ke baare maiN aap jaise
saaheb-e-nazar se kuCH kehne kee Haajat naheeN hai:
koi hamraaz, na hamdam, na shanaasaa niklaa
maiN teri bazm maiN aayaa bhee to tanhaa niklaa
Shair # 2: wohee taptaa hua maaHoul, wohee gard-o-GHubaar
ab ke, ae doast, tera shehr bhee saHraa niklaa
Pehlaa misra doosrey ke muqaabley maiN kamzoar mahsoos hotaa hai. "ab
ke" se zaahir hotaa hai ke;is se qabl tere shahr ka Haal aisaa naheeN
thaa; magar pehley misre maiN "wohee" kaa ailaan ishaara kar rahaa hai
ke ;tere shahr maiN to hamaishaa hee aisaa Haal rahaa hai;. Lafz
"wohee" yahaaN "saHraa" se bhee mansoob ho saktaa hai aur
shahr-e-jaanaaN kee puraanee kaifiyyat se bhee:
wohee taptaa huaa maaHoul, wohee gard-o-GHubaar
Aah! ae doat teraa shahr bhee saHraa niklaa
Shair # 5: aaj kuCH aur hee andaaz se too yaad aayaa
dil maiN toofaan uTha, aankh se daryaa niklaa
Pehley mahboob kee yaad baa'is-e-musaraat hoatee hogee jabhee to aaj
us ke yaad aane kaa andaaz ranj kaa sabab huaa hai. Yaa phir yooN keh
leejiye:
too mujhey phir usee andaaz se yaad aayaa hai
dil maiN toofaan uThaa, aankh se daryaa niklaa
Shair # 6: aasmaanoN maiN bhee ek hook uThe gee jis se
merey seene se woh naala abhee niklaa, niklaa
"AasmaanoN maiN hook uThnaa" GHair maanoos muhaawara hai.
Shair # 7: thee jahaaN shama' wahaaN KHaak hai parwaane kee
kyaa bhalaa ishq jataane ka nateeja niklaa
"Thee jahaaN shama'" se maloom hota hai ke parwaane ke jal jaane se
woh yaa to bujh gayee yaa mit gayee. Mit to woh KHair naheeN saktee
aur bujhne se us kaa wujood KHatm naheeN ho jaataa hai. Agar yeh
kehnaa maqsood hai ke parwaane ke jal kar KHaak ho jaane se shama' kaa
kuCh na bigRA aur parwaane ko ishq kaa sila mil gayaa to:
sham-e'-maHfil hai waheeN, KHaak huaa parwaana
kyaa bhalaa ishq jataane kaa nateeja niklaa
Shair # 9: Qais se pehley bhee is khail ke maahir the ka'ee
koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa
Aap ko zabaan, bayaan aur mazmoon her liHaaz se is maqte' per
nazar-e-saanee karne kee saKHt zaroorat hai. Ek to aap ne adab-o-shair
ko khail kahaa jo ba-zaate-e-KHud naa-munaasib baat hai, phir aap ne
Ghalib, Momin aur Inshaa ko is "khail" ke khilaaRiyoN se ta'beer kiyaa
jo qat'ee GHair mustahsan aur ma'yoob hai, teesrey KHud ko in azeem
sho'raa kaa ham-palla qaraar diyaa jo aap ko kisee tarah zaib naheeN
daitaa. GustaaKHee muaaf keejiye gaa "Che nisbat KHaak raa baa
aalam-e-paak!". Pakistaan ke Obaidullah "Aleem" ne kahaa thaa ke:
"pehlaa shaair Meer huaa aur us ke ba'd hooN maiN"
aur Hindustaan ke Manzar Bhopaalee ne yeh na'ra lagaayaa tha ke:
"keh do Meer-o-Ghaalib se, hum bhee shair kehtey haiN
woh sadee tumharee thee, yeh sadee hamaaree hai"
aur ab aap aisee baat keh rahe haiN!! Mujhe yaqeen hai ke zaraa se
tafakkur-o-tadabbur se aap KHud hee apnee GHalatee mahsoos kar laiNge
aur is shair ko badl daiNge.
"rakhyo GHaalib mujhe is talKH-nawaa'ee se mu'aaf
aaj kuCh dard mere dil maiN siwaa hotaa hai"
Iraadat Kaish
Sarwar A. Raz "Sarwar"
"Vijay" <guz...@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<TxqD7.384878$j65.99...@news4.rdc1.on.home.com>...
Zafar
aap kii manjhii huwii Ghazal paRhii, baRa lutf aaya. merii taraf se
itnii achhii Ghazal kehne par mubaarak-baad aur yahaaN post karne ka
shukriyaa qubuul kiijiye.
Vijay Kumar sahib ne Muzaffar Warsi kii Ghazal kaa hawaaalaa diaa hai
lekin jahaan tak meraa Khayaal hai, ye zamiin (qaafiiye kii tabdiilii
ke saath) Ghalib) kii hai (shauq har rang raqiib e sar o saamaaN
niklaa/Qais taswiir ke parde meN bhii uriiyaaN niklaa). majmuuii taur
par Ghazal bahut dilkash hai, kuch ta'asuraat qalam (keyboard?) band
kar rahaa huuN, ummiid hai, tawajjuh farmaayaiN ge:
1. koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
bahut achhaa matlaa kahaa hai. yahaaN Munir Niazi kaa ye she'r yaad
aanaa laazimii hai:
ham anjuman meN sab kii taraf dekhte rahe
apnii tarah se koii akelaa nahiiN milaa
yaa phir Majeed Amjad ka ye matl'a:
dil ne aik aik dukh sahaa tanahaa
anjuman anjuman rahaa tanhaa
2.
vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
Wah! achhaa kahaa hai.
3.
tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
achhaa she'r hai, khaas taur par duusre misre kaa inshaayiaa andaaz
bahut Khuub hai. lekin aik baat kahuuN gaa ki pehle misre meN
"taqaazoN" ka lafz kuch jachaa nahiiN. isii tarah se duusre misre meN
chuunke muKhaatib "diiwaanaa" banafs e nafiis hai, to is kii
munaasibat se "aa" niklaa honaa chaahiiye thaa.
4.
muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
achha kahaa hai. radiif bahut Khuubii se chaspaaN huwi hai: "aa
niklaa" meN "aa dhamkaa" kaa saa asar milta hai :)
5.
aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
Khuub kahaa hai. yahaaN Mir ka ye sh'er e dil paziir pesh karnaa
chaahuuN gaa:
aalam aalam ishq o junuuN hai, duniyaa duniyaa tuhmat hai
daryaa daryaa rotaa huuN maiN, sehraa sehraa wahshat hai
6.
aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
bahub Khuub, subhaan Allah! jaisaa ki Vijay sahib ne famaayaa hai, is
she'r meN qaafiiye kii "phaban" diidanii hai.
7.
thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
sham'a aur parwaane kaa mazmuun hamaare shaa'iroN kaa aik baRa man
bhaataa mazmuun rahaa hai. chand misaalaiN pesh e Khidmat haiN:
Mir...
phir na dekhaa kuchh bajuz yak sho'ala e pur paich o taab
sham'a tak ham ne bhi dekhaa tha ki parwaanaa gayaa
Ghalib...
buu e gul, naalaa e dil, duud e chiraaGh e mehfil
jo terii bazm se niklaa, so pareshaaN niklaa
Daagh...
ruKh e raushan ke aage shama' rakh kar wo ye kehte haiN
udhar jaataa hai, dekhaiN, yaa idhar parwaanaa aataa hai
8.
umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
bahut Khuub she'r hai. "Khaak ka putlaa" kii tarkiib ne baRa lutf
diyaa. sirf itnaa arz karnaa chaahuuN gaa ki (mere Khayaal meN) agar
pehle misre meN "Khudaaii" kii bajaaye "ibaadat" kar diyaa jaaye to
mafhuum ziaadaa waazih ho jaaye ga. ya agar "Khudaaii" ko laaziman
misre meN rakhnaa hai to phir ye suurat ziaada munaasib hai:
umr bhar jis kii Khudaaii pe tha eemaaN meraa
Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
yahaaN thoRii uljhan hai. agar 'Qais' aap kaa taKhallus hai, phir to
baat kuch bantii nazar aatii hai, wagarnaa zaahir hai ki duusre misre
meN mazkuuraa ashKhaas sab ke sab Qais (manjuuN) se sadiioN ba'ad
guzre haiN. aik jumla e ma'atrizaa: ye qaafiiye waale saahib kiaa woh
hain jo "ban kar mahant girte 'the' pariioN ke jhunD par", aur jo itne
naazuk mizaaj the ki "nik-hat e baad e bahaarii" ki "aTkheliyaaN" bhi
unhain naagawaar guzarti thiiN; yaa phir woh jo apne jaane se pehle
hii "kuuch" karne kii dhamkii de gaye the? :)
aik aur sawaal ye ki kyaa in shu'araa ke intiKhaab meN koii "scheme"
kaar-farmaa thii yaa phir ...
Rajiv Chakravarti
Namashkaar aur aadaab.. hasb-e-ma'amool aap ki har GHazal ko
is "manch" par bohot hi Khushi se paDHtaa hooN (agarche har
GHazal par apne "ta'asuraat" ka izhaar karnaa, apni kam-maayegi
ko madd-e-nazar rakhte hue,dushvaar bhi samajhtaa hooN).
apki is GHazal ko maine pehle bhi "Urdu community ke website"
par paDhaa thaa, lekin GHam-e-rozgaar ke chakkaroN meiN kuchch
keh na paaya. aaj, agar aap ijaazat deN to kuchch naacheeaz a'araa
pesh karne ki jasaarat karooNGaa...
rajkp...@my-deja.com (Raj Kumar) wrote in message news:<bdbc3861.0110...@posting.google.com>...
> Khwaateen-o-hazraat:
>
> aek Ghazal, jo koi do-teen maah qabl poori hui thi, aaj aap sab ki
> Khidmat meiN haazir hai; gar qubool uftad ------- .
>
> ----------------------
>
> arz hai ke
>
> 1.
> koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
>
KHayaal bohot hi KHoob hai aur qaabil-e-ta'areef bhi,
albatta maiN is she'r par mohtaram Raaz -sahib ke KHayaal
se muttafiq hooN..
I do like the "koi humraaz, na humdum, .. "
> 2.
> vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
> ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
>
"shehr bhi sehraa niklaa".. vaah!!! bohot acchi manzar-kashi
hai ! I'd still rather not use words like "ab ke", "ai dost"
"ab to", etc. if possible.. As you rightfully said in a previous
exchange of thoughts, that was MY preference purely..
> 3.
> tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
> tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
>
bohot acche ! vaaah !
> 4.
> muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
> maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
>
Nice she'r here .. The only comment I have is that this
is the 2nd line Ive run across the construction "jaa-e-amaaN"
(the 1st being in a GHazal on Urdu Community by a "SuKHanvar-saahib")
I am glad to learn from such new (to me) constructs.
> 5.
> aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
is she'r ka doosra misra'a to nihaayat ustaadaana hai. meri
taraf se mubaarakbaad! agar mujhe poochaa jaaye, to is she'r
ko "haasil-e-GHazal" keh dooNgaa!
>
> 6.
> aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
> mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
>
> 7.
> thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
> kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
>
What despair !! LOL! bohot KHoob!
> 8.
> umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
> Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
>
> aur ab maqta arz hai:
>
> 9.
> Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> :-))
>
maqta' meri naacheez raaye meiN kuchch gustaaKHaana hai,
kyoN-ke mere *apne* KHayaal meiN asaateza ko KHud apne
se "ham-palla" karna to saraasar aadaab-o-tamaddun ke KHilaaf
mehsoos huaa kartaa hai.. ek baar phir janaab-e-Raaz-saahib
ke ta'asuraat se maiN muttafiq hooN. haaN yeh bhi hai, ke
maiN ziyaada-tar "classical" shaayari ka parastaar hooN, jahaaN
aise cheezoN ke baare meiN bhi sochaa karte haiN.. "Contemporary"
poetry is different in this manner and obviously ideas and
conduct reflect changes in time.. (just as in everyday life,
I suppose)...
ummeed hai ke mere 'aaraa se aap naaraaz naheeN hoNge.
faqat,
Rajiv Chakravarti
Vijay
mehfil kii shaan-o-shauqat meN bohat izaafaa kii hai. meN dobaara phir
haazir huua huuN Raj Sahib kii is ghazal ke maqte ke baare meN apne Khyaalat
kaa izhaar karne ke liie: kyuNkeh is she'r ko Raaz sahib aur Rajiv sahib neN
qaabil-e-aitraaz sochaa hai aur meN neN ise haasil-e-ghazal ka darja diia
hai.
mere Khyaal meN aise asha'ar, voh Ghalib neN ya F'raaz neN ya phir MaNzar
Bhopalii neN kaheN hoN, un meN zaroor aik Khiraaj-e-aqiidat ka ehsaas hotaa
hai. Raj Sahib ke is she'r meN bhii mujhe vohii ehsaas bharpoor taur par
mila.
doosrii baat yeh keh jab ghalib apne aap ko Khuda-e-suKhan ke mauqabil
rakhta hai (reKhtii ke tumhiiN ustaad nahiiN...) aur ya phir Khuda ke
muqabil (ham kahaaN ke daana the....), us meN aik sharaarat ka ehsaas zaroor
hotaa hai. Yihii sharaarat kaa ehsaas Raj Sahib kii ghazal ke maqte meN
Khoob acchhi tarah maujood hai. balke unhoN neN to iske piichhe aik :-) bhii
lagaai hai taa keh log ise kahiiN bilkul saNjiida taur se naaN le leN, jab
keh mere Khyaal meN is :-) kii vahaaN koii zaroorat nahiiN hai. Agar log is
she'r ko bilkul saNjiida kalaam samjheN tab to ise gustaaKhaana qaraar diia
ja sakta hai, lekin mere Khyaal meN is she'r meN aisii koii guNjaaish nahiiN
hai.
Khair, Raj Sahib shayad koii aur pehluu bhii naikaaleN is she'r ka:-)
With Regards,
Vijay Kumar
Sarwar Alam Raz
Mukarramee Vijay saaheb : Tasleemaat
MaiN aap kaa shukr-guzaar hooN ke aap ney merey KHayaalaat ko
qaabil-e-aitenaa samjha aur unhaiN siraahaa. Albatta aap ney apney
husn-e-zan se kaam laitey huey Qais saaheb key maqte; maiN jo
ma'nee-aafreenee farmaaee hai us kaa jawaaz milnaa mushkil nazar aataa
hai.
KHiraaj-e-aqeedat ka apnaa andaaz hotaa hai aur us maiN GHalat-fahmee
kaa imkaan naheeN hota. Daikhiye Ghaalib aur Zauq kis taraH Meer ko
Khiraaj-e-aqeedat paish kartey haiN:
Ghaalib apnaa yeh aqeedah hai ba-qaul-e-NaasiKH
Aap be-behrah hai jo mo'taqid-e-Meer naheeN
Na hua per na hua Meer kaa andaaz naseeb
Zauq, yaaroaN ney bohat zoar GHazal maiN maaraa
Jab Ghaalib yeh kehtey haiN ke:
RaiKHtee key tumheeN ustaad naheeN ho Ghaalib
Kahtey haiN agley zamaane maiN koi Meer bhee thaa
to is maiN sharaatat kaa koi pehloo naheeN nazar aata hai. HaaN aap
yeh zaroor keh saktey haiN ke is shair maiN Ghalib KHud sey keh rahey
haiN ke "Ayaaz, qadr-e-KHud be-shanaas!", Yanee yeh ke Khud ko itnaa
na samajh; kya tujhey Meer yaad naheeN?
Ab aap Qais saaheb kaa maqta' phir paRhye aur batta'iye ke is maiN
agar be-jaa Khud-sitaa'ee aur bar-KHud-Ghalatee naheeN hai to phir
kyaa hai? MaiN aap sey aur KHusoonan Qais saaheb sey is saaf-goee key
liye mazarat KHwaah to zaroor hooN laikin Haqeeqat se kisee tarah
guraiz mumkin naheeN hai ke Qais saaheb ko is maqte ko bilkul badal
dainaa chaahiye. Ziyaadah Hadd-e-adab!!
Aik baat aap ney nihaayat ajeeb kahee hai ke Ghaalib apney is shair
maiN KHud ko KHudaa key muqaabil rakhtey haiN. Is maiN to aisaa koi
pehloo kheench taan kar bhee naheeN nikaltaa! Az raah-e-karam saraahat
farmaaiye :
Hum kahaaN key daanaa the, kis hunar maiN yaktaa the
Be-sabab hua Ghaalib, dushman aasmaan apnaa
Iradat kaish
Sarwar Raz "Sarwar"
Vijay
"Sarwar Alam Raz" <sarw...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:267193df.01110...@posting.google.com...
> Aik baat aap ney nihaayat ajeeb kahee hai ke Ghaalib apney is shair
> maiN KHud ko KHudaa key muqaabil rakhtey haiN. Is maiN to aisaa koi
> pehloo kheench taan kar bhee naheeN nikaltaa! Az raah-e-karam saraahat
> farmaaiye :
>
> Hum kahaaN key daanaa the, kis hunar maiN yaktaa the
> Be-sabab hua Ghaalib, dushman aasmaan apnaa
>
ab to hameN Raj sahib ke jawaab kaa aur bhii besabrii se iNtezaar hai:-)
Khair, oopar vaale she'r meN, merii haqiir rai meN, ghalib ne apne
Khasoosii aNdaaz meN yeh ishaara kiia hai keH agar Khuda ko mujhse dushmanii
kii soojhii to usne zaroor merii danishwari aur merii Khasoosiat ko
qaabile-rashaq samjha hogaa. ab is baat ko bilkul saNjiidagii se to nahiiN
liia ja sakta. haaN agar, jaise keh meN neN pehle likhaa hai, ismeN thoRii
sii sharaarat ki guNjaish rkh lii jaee to yeh iak bohat umdah au
na-qaabil-e-aitraaz she'r ban jaataa hai. aap kaa kyaa Khyaal hai?
aap se aik darKhwasat hai, keh aap ab aae haiN to b'rah-e-meharbaanii, aate
rahiiegaa alup pe. hameN daanishwar logoN kii bohat zaroorat hai idhar.
shukriia,
Vijay Kumar
Irfan 'Abid'
>
> aek Ghazal, jo koi do-teen maah qabl poori hui thi, aaj aap sab ki
> Khidmat meiN haazir hai; gar qubool uftad ------- .
>
aaj kayii roz ke baad mehfil meN aanaa nasiib huaa, yaa yuuN kahiye ki
sahiih maanii meN shirkat karnaa nasiib huaa. matlab ye ki idhar se
guzar to huaa, lekin ek sarsarii nigaah Daalne ke ilaavah aur kuchh
karne kaa vaqt nahiiN thaa. aaj zaraa fursat hai. aap kii Ghazal paRh
rahaa huuN aur hameshaa kii tarah mahzuuz ho rahaa huuN. naachiiz
taassuraat haazir-e-Khidmat haiN.
> ----------------------
>
> arz hai ke
>
> 1.
> koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
>
matlaa Khuub hai! is par Kaafee kuchh kahaa jaa chukaa hai, ab maiN
kyaa arz karuuN. lekin phir sochtaa huuN ki bahtii gangaa meN haath
dhone meN buraa kyaa hai! LOL! (By the way, what does LOL stand for?)
duusre misre meN 'akelaa niklaa' may mean 'was found to be alone' or '
walked away alone'. Althogh both the meanings fit into the sher, it
would be better if you could calrify (in the sher) as to which one was
actually intended.
> 2.
> vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
> ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
>
bahut Khuub! haqiiqat puuchheN to lafz-e-'vuhii' kii nisbat 'shaihr'
ke muqaabile meN 'saihraa' se ziyaadah mazbuut hai, lekin diigar
ahbaab ke taassuraat paRh kar ye tasleem karnaa paRtaa hai ki yahaaN
halkaa saa ibhaam hai. is par aap kii tavajjah darkaar hai.
> 3.
> tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
> tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
>
vaah! Is 'taqaazaa' something that you can be physically away from?
> 4.
> muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
> maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
>
vaah!
> 5.
> aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
>
vaah!
> 6.
> aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
> mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
>
bahut Khuub! 'niklaa' kaa qaafiyah aap ne achchhaa baaNdhaa hai! pahle
misre meN 'huuk' ke bajaaye koii aur lafz ho to behtar hai.
> 7.
> thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
> kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
>
vaah! bahut Khuub!
> 8.
> umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
> Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
>
bahut umdah! pahle misre meN merii naachiiz raae meN zabaan kii
maamuulii kamii hai. dar-asl Khudaai 'par' eemaan huaa kartaa hai.
lihaazah 'Khudaaii mira eemaan rahii' ke bajaaye 'Khudaaii pe mira
eemaaN thaa' kaheN to behtar hai.
> aur ab maqta arz hai:
>
> 9.
> Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> :-))
>
maqtaa par bhii bahut kuchh kahaa gayaa hai, aur aap ke liye pahle hii
kayii savaalaat maujuud haiN. maiN aap kii mushkil meN izaafah nahiiN
karnaa chaahtaa. albataa itnaa zaruur arz karuuNgaa ki jahaaN tak aap
ke mizaaj se vaaqfiyat huyii hai (through this forum ofcourse), us se
meraa andaazah hai ki 'khel' se shaayad aap kii muraad 'ishq' rahii
hogii. lekin aap ko ye tasleem karnaa hogaa ki is lafz ke maanii
yahaaN purii tarah saaf nahiiN. ummiid hai aap tavajjah farmaayeNge.
> ------------------------
>
> hasb-e-ma'amool, aap sabhi ke ta'assuraat ka intezaar rahe ga.
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
niyaazmand,
Irfan 'Abid'
Sarwar Alam Raz
> "Sarwar Alam Raz" <sarw...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:267193df.01110...@posting.google.com...
> > Aik baat aap ney nihaayat ajeeb kahee hai ke Ghaalib apney is shair
> > maiN KHud ko KHudaa key muqaabil rakhtey haiN. Is maiN to aisaa koi
> > pehloo kheench taan kar bhee naheeN nikaltaa! Az raah-e-karam saraahat
> > farmaaiye :
> >
> > Hum kahaaN key daanaa the, kis hunar maiN yaktaa the
> > Be-sabab hua Ghaalib, dushman aasmaan apnaa
> >
> Sarwar Sahib: aadaab:
>
> ab to hameN Raj sahib ke jawaab kaa aur bhii besabrii se iNtezaar hai:-)
>
> Khair, oopar vaale she'r meN, merii haqiir rai meN, ghalib ne apne
> Khasoosii aNdaaz meN yeh ishaara kiia hai keH agar Khuda ko mujhse dushmanii
> kii soojhii to usne zaroor merii danishwari aur merii Khasoosiat ko
> qaabile-rashaq samjha hogaa. ab is baat ko bilkul saNjiidagii se to nahiiN
> liia ja sakta. haaN agar, jaise keh meN neN pehle likhaa hai, ismeN thoRii
> sii sharaarat ki guNjaish rkh lii jaee to yeh iak bohat umdah au
> na-qaabil-e-aitraaz she'r ban jaataa hai. aap kaa kyaa Khyaal hai?
>
Ghalib ke mazkoorah shair maiN to Khudaa kaa zikr tak naheeN hai. Agar
aap "aasmaaN" se Khudaa muraad lay rahe haiN to is kaa jawaaz naheeN
nikaltaa. Ghalib to apney mussaib aur zindagee kee naamuraadiyoN kee
shikaayat kar rahe haiN ke hum aise kahaan ke "baRe" aadmee the jo yeh
saaree balaaiN hamare hee sar per aan paReeN! Meri raaye maiN aap kaa
matlab is shair se zaahir naheeN hota hai.
> aap se aik darKhwasat hai, keh aap ab aae haiN to b'rah-e-meharbaanii, aate
> rahiiegaa alup pe. hameN daanishwar logoN kii bohat zaroorat hai idhar.
Aap kee nawaazish hai magar maiN yeh be-takalluf aur baGhair kisee
kasr-e-nafsee key arz karooNgaa ke maiN "daanishwar" to kyaa aise
loagoN kee Khaak-e-paa ke barabar bhee naheeN hooN. Mera iraada hai ke
maiN is mahfil maiN Haazir hotaa rahooN. Aap kee daawat se mere is
iraade ko taqviyat hui. Marhabaa!
Nayaaz-mand
"Sarwar"
>
> shukriia,
>
> Vijay Kumar
Vijay
> Ghalib ke mazkoorah shair maiN to Khudaa kaa zikr tak naheeN hai. Agar
> aap "aasmaaN" se Khudaa muraad lay rahe haiN to is kaa jawaaz naheeN
> nikaltaa. Ghalib to apney mussaib aur zindagee kee naamuraadiyoN kee
> shikaayat kar rahe haiN ke hum aise kahaan ke "baRe" aadmee the jo yeh
> saaree balaaiN hamare hee sar per aan paReeN! Meri raaye maiN aap kaa
> matlab is shair se zaahir naheeN hota hai.
>
Sarwar Sahib: aadaab;
mujhe ghalib kii yeh ghazal bohat pasaNd hai aur meN neN hamesha se hii yeh
smajha hai keh is sher meN 'aasmaaN' se muraad 'oopar waala' hai, yaanii keh
iishwar, parmeshwar, Khudaa, bhagwaan, God etc. At the risk of sounding
ignorant, I dare say that I prefer this interpretation.
merii oopar waali aik-do posts meN meN neN rashk ko rashq likh diia hai aur
shaukat ko shauqat. ma'azrat-Khwaa huuN!
alup pe phir se gehmaa-gehmii dekh ke dil Khush ho gaya! ummid hai sabhii
log aate jaate raheNge!!
Vijay Kumar
Raj Kumar
>
> Raj Kumar Sahib, bohat hii Khoobsoorat ghazal pesh kii hai aap ne. ab ke aap
> ne aik bohat hii dil-aawez qaafia liia hai. Muzzafar Waarsi kii aik ghazal
> thii, isii behar aur qaafie ke saath, jise Mehdi Hassan Sahib ne bohat hii
> dilkash aNdaaz meN gaya thaa:
>
> kyaa bhala mujhko parkhane kaa nateeja niklaa
> zaKhm-e-dil aap kii nazroN se bhii gehraa niklaa
>
> bas, aap kii ghazal ne kucch puraani yaadeN taza kar diiN!
Vijay Kumar Saahib:
aap bhi kehte hoN ge ke 'in Saahib' ko kya koi 'saaNp sooNgh' gayaa
hai jo aisi chup saadh li hai? bhai, aisa naheeN hai --- jaise Subhash
Chandra Bose kahaa karte the ke "abhi tak aisi koi goli bani hi naheeN
jo ke hamaare seene pe aa
lage", isi tarah "abhi tak aisa koi saaNp paidaa hi naheeN hua jo
hameN sooNgh jaaye"! :-)), balke LOL
baat dar asl yeh hai ke maiN jaan-boojh kar do-teen din Khaamosh
rahaa, taake jitne bhi dostoN ke Khutoot is Ghazal se muta'alliq aane
haiN, aa leN --- taake maiN sabhi dostoN ke ta'assuraat ko majmoo'ii
taur par dekh looN aur phir apna muNh kholooN. ab lagta hai ke jitne
'bouquets' aur jitne 'brick-bats' meri jaanib aane the, aa chuke. So,
here I am to respond to all the letters I have received so far and, as
the rule goes, I'll tackle them one by one --- in the order of their
arrival.
>
> > ----------------------
> >
> > arz hai ke
> >
> > 1.
> > koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> > maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
>
> bohat Khoob matla hai.
shukriya, saahib!
> >
> > 2.
> > vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
> > ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
>
> 'ai dost' kii tarkeeb bohat acchii hai. she'r kii 'composition' bohat umda
> hai lekin mujhe thoRii sii diqqat dar-pesh hai ki pehle misre meN
> lafz-e-'vuhii' se to aisa zaahir hota hai ki dost kaa shehar hamesha se hi
> sehraa kii tarah hai, lekin doosre misre meN 'ab ke' is baat ke Khilaaf ja
> raha hai! nahiiN?
>
> P.S. Raj Sahib, meN ne aik baar phir paRha to ma'aloom huua keh 'vuhi' se
> ishaara 'dost ke shehaar' kii taraf nahiiN, 'sehraa' kii taraf hai! bohat
> Khoobsoorat she'r hai.
Vijay Saahib, aap ne jo baat 'P.S.' meiN kahi hai, ain vuhi meri
muraad thi. goya, aashiq apni mehbooba se keh rahaa hai ke "devi ji,
ain vuhi maahaul aur ain vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar jo ke saihraa ka maqdoor
hai (aur jis se hameN aaye din vaasta paRta hai) --- ab ki baar to
vuhi maahaul aur vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar aap ke haaN chhaaye huye dekhe
haiN". kehne ka matlab yeh ke "tum se bichhaR kar jo haal hamaara hua
hai, ain vuhi haal ham se bichhaR kar tumhaara bhi hua lagta hai"!
Vijay Saahib, you wouldn't believe it. I posted this Ghazal at another
site as well, and there a friend from Saudi Arabia wrote to say that I
probably wrote this she'r after September 11! goya, jab unhoN ne
Jiddah meiN baiThe huye New York ke World Trade Center ki bad-haali
dekhi to un ke lab par be-saaKhta yeh she'r aaya:
"vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa"!
Now you must be wondering as to what I said in response. bhai, I said
practically nothing! All I managed to say was that "no, I composed
this she'r in July or August --- well before September 11"!
> > 3.
> > tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
> > tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
> >
> bohat acche!!
shukriya.
>
> > 4.
> > muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
> > maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
> >
>
> yeh she'r bhii bohat pasaNd aaya!
aek baar phir shukriya.
>
> > 5.
> > aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> > dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
> >
>
> bohat Khoob! bhaii vah vah!! kisii ke yaad aane kii aisii maNzarkashii to
> kam hii dekhi/sunii thii. 'aaNkh se darya niklaa',!! bohat Khoob!!!
I am glad you liked this one; in fact, I myself regard this as one of
the better ash'aar of this Ghazal. If I am not mistaken, Rajiv Saahib
in his letter has ranked this as the "haasil-e-Ghazal" she'r!
> > 6.
> > aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
> > mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
>
> bohat hii acchi tarkeeb hai sahib. niklaa, niklaa se jo immediacy kaa ehsaas
> aap ne paida kiia hai, aur us ke saath 'aasmaanoN meiN ik hook uthne' kii
> anticipation, aik bohat pur-asar she'r kaha hai aap ne.
Thanks a million, Vijay Saahib!
I, in fact, wonder if you recall my having posted this she'r during
some discussion on ALUP about a year ago. You were truly mesmerized by
it and even asked me to post the whole Ghazal. Although this she'r is
about four years old, I had only two or three she'rs ready at the time
I posted this one. I finally managed to complete this Ghazal in August
this year --- in time for our Bazm-e-Adab meeting at Waterloo on
September 9 --- and was bubbling with enthusiasm to recite it before
an audience where you would be present. But, alas, as soon as I
reached there I was told that you were not coming. :-((
So, I slithered this Ghazal up my sleeves to save it for a later
occasion (like this one) when you would definitely be present! :-))
> > aur ab maqta arz hai:
> >
> > 9.
> > Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> > koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> > :-))
>
> maqta to sahib aap neN asatiza ke mayyar ka keh diia. mera ishaaraa 'reKhte
> ke tumhiiN ustaad nahiiN....' kii taraf hai!
>
> Khair, mushkil yeh hai ki haasil-e-ghazal she'r no.6 ko kaha jaae yaa maqte
> ko? aap kaa kya Khayaal hai?
>
Vijay Saahib, jahaaN tak husn-e-taGhazzul ki baat hai yeh maqta is
Ghazal ki aabroo hai! yeh aur baat hai ke is ka takhayyul kuchh dostoN
ko achchha naheeN lagaa. Khair, maiN un dostoN ke shukook-o-shub_haat
ko door karne ki poori poori koshish karooN ga. fil-haal, aap se itna
hi kahooN ga ke maiN ise
"haasil-e-Ghazal" to naheeN keh sakta magar ise apni Ghazal ka aek
qaabil-e-qadr she'r zaroor samajhta hooN.
vaise, jahaaN tak mazmoon-aafreeni ki baat hai, she'r #6 maqte ke
muqaabile meiN bahut behtar hai. aage aap ki marzi --- aap jis she'r
ko bhi chaaheN, "haasil-e-Ghazal" keh sakte haiN!
After all, ba-qaul-e-shaKhse,
"jahaaN jhuk jaaye peshaani, tumhaaraa aastaaN keh looN"!!!
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Sarwar Alam Raz
Vijay saheb namashkaar
Aap ko apney tor per shair samajhney kaa hameshaa iKhtiyaar hai! Urdu
shaairee maiN hameshaa hee her museebat ko aasmaan kee dain maanaa
gayaa hai aur is se kabhee Bhagwaan muraad naheeN liyaa gayaa hai. Aap
baRee Khushee se is shair kaa matlab wohee samjhaiN jo aap ko pasand
hai. Meraa Khayaal hai ke Ghaalib ko koi aiteraaz naheeN hogaa!! Rah
gayaa aap kaa kisee lafz kee Ghalat hijjey karnaa to us maiN koi harj
naheeN hai. Ghaltee her aik se hotee hai. Aap kaa zauq shoq daikh kar
aap se mulaaqaat ko jee chaahataa hai. Munaasib samjhaiN to merey
e-mail per raabtaa qaaim karaiN.
Sarwar
Raj Kumar
Sarwar Saahib:
maiN aap ka be-had shukr-guzaar hooN ke aap ne meri Ghazal ko itne
shauq se paRhaa aur mujhe apne giraaN-qadr ta'assuraat se navaazaa.
aek baat jo mujhe bahut hi pasaNd aayee hai voh yeh ke aap ke
eiteraazaat nihaayat pur-Khuloos aNdaaz meiN pesh kiye gaye haiN aur
un meiN agarche tanqeed ke pehloo to haiN magar be-jaa tanqees ke
pehloo naheeN haiN! yeh baat yaqeenan aap ke husn-e-zan ki numaa'inda
hai!
[Please note that this 'zan' is with 'zoey', not with 'ze'] LOL, balke
ROTFL
On second thought, perhaps I should have written 'zann'! :-))
>
> Shair # 1: koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bharee bazm maiN aa kar bhee akelaa niklaa
>
> Pehley misre maiN "koi" kaa itlaaq "hamraaz" aur "shanaasa" doanoN per
> yaksaaN maqsood hai laikin misre ke darmiyaan main "hamraaz" ke ba'd
> "na niklaa" ne "koi" ko "hamraaz" se ziyaadah aur "shanaasa" se kam
> muta'alliq kar ke zoar-e-bayaan ko thoRa saa muta'assir kar diyaa hai.
> Doosre yeh ke "bharee" bazm kee wazaaHat kee zaroorat mahsoos hotee
> hai. Darj-e-zail tajweez maiN "akelaa" aur "tanhaa" ke baareek ma'nwee
> farq aur us se paidaa hone waali fasaaHat ke baare maiN aap jaise
> saaheb-e-nazar se kuCH kehne kee Haajat naheeN hai:
>
> koi hamraaz, na hamdam, na shanaasaa niklaa
> maiN teri bazm maiN aayaa bhee to tanhaa niklaa
No, no, no! The second misra of your proposed she'r doesn't do any
justice to what I had in mind. 'akela niklaa' se meri muraad thi ---
I turned out to be alone --- not that I left alone!
is zimn meiN, 'bhari bazm' ka iste'maal nihaayat mauzooN hai, jo ke
aap ke mujavviza misre meiN Ghaa'ib hai.
aur jahaaN tak pehle misre ka savaal hai, maiN aap ke 'badal' se itna
mut'assir naheeN hua jitna ke mujhe eihtemaal tha! :-))
voh is liye ke 'hamraaz' aur 'hamdam' ke shuroo' meiN jo 'ham' aaya
hai voh shanaasaa ke shuroo' meiN naheeN aaya! goya, aap ke misre meiN
voh baat naheeN hai jo ke "ham_pesha-o-ham_mashrab-o-ham_raaz hai
tera" meiN hai!
aur mere pehle misre meiN jo lafz 'niklaa' ki takraar hai, voh is
matle ke liye 'Khoobi' hai, 'aib' naheeN hai. is liye, maiN is matle
ko yooN ka yooN (ya'ani-ke, jooN ka tooN) hi rakhna pasaNd karooN ga.
> Shair # 2: wohee taptaa hua maaHoul, wohee gard-o-GHubaar
> ab ke, ae doast, tera shehr bhee saHraa niklaa
>
> Pehlaa misra doosrey ke muqaabley maiN kamzoar mahsoos hotaa hai. "ab
> ke" se zaahir hotaa hai ke;is se qabl tere shahr ka Haal aisaa naheeN
> thaa; magar pehley misre maiN "wohee" kaa ailaan ishaara kar rahaa hai
> ke ;tere shahr maiN to hamaishaa hee aisaa Haal rahaa hai;. Lafz
> "wohee" yahaaN "saHraa" se bhee mansoob ho saktaa hai aur
> shahr-e-jaanaaN kee puraanee kaifiyyat se bhee:
>
> wohee taptaa huaa maaHoul, wohee gard-o-GHubaar
> Aah! ae doat teraa shahr bhee saHraa niklaa
maiN ne is she'r par Vijay Kumar Saahib ke Khat ke javaab meiN jo
kahaa hai, us se meri 'position' ba-Khoobi vaazeh ho jaati hai. Please
have a look at that.
>
> Shair # 5: aaj kuCH aur hee andaaz se too yaad aayaa
> dil maiN toofaan uTha, aankh se daryaa niklaa
>
> Pehley mahboob kee yaad baa'is-e-musaraat hoatee hogee jabhee to aaj
> us ke yaad aane kaa andaaz ranj kaa sabab huaa hai. Yaa phir yooN keh
> leejiye:
>
> too mujhey phir usee andaaz se yaad aayaa hai
> dil maiN toofaan uThaa, aankh se daryaa niklaa
mu'aaf keejiye, Sarwar Saahib, aap ke mujavviza she'r meiN sarf-o-nahv
ka
qala'-qama' ho rahaa hai. "aaya hai" ke saath "uThaa" aur "niklaa"
naheeN chalte! "uThaa hai" aur "niklaa hai" hote to aur baat thi!
Please think about it again.
>
> Shair # 6: aasmaanoN maiN bhee ek hook uThe gee jis se
> merey seene se woh naala abhee niklaa, niklaa
>
> "AasmaanoN maiN hook uThnaa" GHair maanoos muhaawara hai.
huzoor, yeh muhaavara aap ke liye Ghair-maanoos hoga, magar Khaaksaar
to ise chaaaaaleeeeeees baras se suntaa aur paRhtaa aaya hai! sanad ke
taur par,
shaa'ir-e-jamaal Janaab-e-Firaaq Gorakhpuri ki aek Ghazal ka matla'
samaa'at farmaaiye. farmaate haiN ke
"huuk uTThi hai aasmaanoN meiN
kuchh to hai zor naa-tavaanoN meiN"!
ab aap hi kahiye (aur insaaf se kahiye) ke bhalaa is laa-javaab she'r
se behtar sanad aur kyaa ho sakti thi?
>
> Shair # 7: thee jahaaN shama' wahaaN KHaak hai parwaane kee
> kyaa bhalaa ishq jataane ka nateeja niklaa
>
> "Thee jahaaN shama'" se maloom hota hai ke parwaane ke jal jaane se
> woh yaa to bujh gayee yaa mit gayee. Mit to woh KHair naheeN saktee
> aur bujhne se us kaa wujood KHatm naheeN ho jaataa hai. Agar yeh
> kehnaa maqsood hai ke parwaane ke jal kar KHaak ho jaane se shama' kaa
> kuCh na bigRA aur parwaane ko ishq kaa sila mil gayaa to:
>
> sham-e'-maHfil hai waheeN, KHaak huaa parwaana
> kyaa bhalaa ishq jataane kaa nateeja niklaa
mu'aaf keejiye, Sarwar Saahib, mujhe aek baar phir sarf-o-nahv ko
Khoon hota dikhaii de rahaa hai.
huzoor, "Khaak huaa" se baat naheeN banti. "Khaak ho chukaa" ya "Khaak
ho gayaa" kehna chaahiye --- magar kyaa kareN, 'baihr' ki sehat is
baat ki ijaazat naheeN deti.
agar aap ko meri yeh baat ajeeb lagi ho to arz karooN ke jab Maulaana
Haali ne kisi aur shaa'ir ka yeh misra dekha --- "dekhte hi dekhte yeh
kyaa huaa" --- to saTpaTaa se gaye aur kehne lage ke "yahaaN par 'kyaa
huaa' naheeN, 'kayaa ho gayaa' kehna chaahiye --- magar kyaa kareN,
be-chaara 'baihr' se majboor tha"!
So, Sarwar saahib, once again, I'll stay with the original.
>
> Shair # 9: Qais se pehley bhee is khail ke maahir the ka'ee
> koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa
>
> Aap ko zabaan, bayaan aur mazmoon her liHaaz se is maqte' per
> nazar-e-saanee karne kee saKHt zaroorat hai. Ek to aap ne adab-o-shair
> ko khail kahaa jo ba-zaate-e-KHud naa-munaasib baat hai, phir aap ne
> Ghalib, Momin aur Inshaa ko is "khail" ke khilaaRiyoN se ta'beer kiyaa
> jo qat'ee GHair mustahsan aur ma'yoob hai, teesrey KHud ko in azeem
> sho'raa kaa ham-palla qaraar diyaa jo aap ko kisee tarah zaib naheeN
> daitaa. GustaaKHee muaaf keejiye gaa "Che nisbat KHaak raa baa
> aalam-e-paak!". Pakistaan ke Obaidullah "Aleem" ne kahaa thaa ke:
>
> "pehlaa shaair Meer huaa aur us ke ba'd hooN maiN"
>
> aur Hindustaan ke Manzar Bhopaalee ne yeh na'ra lagaayaa tha ke:
>
> "keh do Meer-o-Ghaalib se, hum bhee shair kehtey haiN
> woh sadee tumharee thee, yeh sadee hamaaree hai"
>
> aur ab aap aisee baat keh rahe haiN!! Mujhe yaqeen hai ke zaraa se
> tafakkur-o-tadabbur se aap KHud hee apnee GHalatee mahsoos kar laiNge
> aur is shair ko badl daiNge.
>
> "rakhyo GHaalib mujhe is talKH-nawaa'ee se mu'aaf
> aaj kuCh dard mere dil maiN siwaa hotaa hai"
Now this is a BIG one, Sarwar Saahib. agar aap buraa na maaneN to maiN
is baat par apne vichaar kal kisi vaqt pesh karooN ga --- kiyooN-ke is
vaqt,
ba-qaul-e-Josh Maleeh_aabaadi,
"vaqt-e-tuloo'-e-jaam hai, Doob rahaa hai aaftaab"!
ab, aaKhir meiN, maiN aap se itni guzaarish zaroor karooN ga ke aap
mere is Khat ka javaab dene meiN jaldi na kareN; mujhe (aap ki shaan
meiN) apna agla Khat likh lene deN! :-))
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Vijay
"Sarwar Alam Raz" <sarw...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:267193df.01110...@posting.google.com...
> Ghalib ke mazkoorah shair maiN to Khudaa kaa zikr tak naheeN hai. Agar
> aap "aasmaaN" se Khudaa muraad lay rahe haiN to is kaa jawaaz naheeN
> nikaltaa. Ghalib to apney mussaib aur zindagee kee naamuraadiyoN kee
> shikaayat kar rahe haiN ke hum aise kahaan ke "baRe" aadmee the jo yeh
> saaree balaaiN hamare hee sar per aan paReeN! Meri raaye maiN aap kaa
> matlab is shair se zaahir naheeN hota hai.
>
Sarwar Sahib: aadaab;
abida123
aek aur 'bouquet" aap ki jaanib aate aate zara delay ho gayaa. ise bhi hisaab meiN darj kar leejyiye ga
:-))
aap ki ghazal bahut khoob hai. afsos aap ke har aek she'r par tabsara karne ki qaabiliyat to ham meiN naheeN
hai,,,, shuk'r hai ye kaam "ALUP think tank" ne poora kar diya!!!
aap ke sabaq ka bhi bahut bahut shukriya. jab tak aap ke sabaq aate raheiN ge ham aap ki rehnumaaii se
mustaafeed hote raheiN ge.
Umeed hai tamaam ALUPers yoN hi aate jaate raheiN ge aur ALUP ki raunaq meiN izaafa karte raheiN ge .
Cheers!
Abida Sultana.
Raj Kumar
> Shair # 9: Qais se pehley bhee is khail ke maahir the ka'ee
> koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa
>
> Aap ko zabaan, bayaan aur mazmoon her liHaaz se is maqte' per
> nazar-e-saanee karne kee saKHt zaroorat hai. Ek to aap ne adab-o-shair
> ko khail kahaa jo ba-zaate-e-KHud naa-munaasib baat hai, phir aap ne
> Ghalib, Momin aur Inshaa ko is "khail" ke khilaaRiyoN se ta'beer kiyaa
> jo qat'ee GHair mustahsan aur ma'yoob hai, teesrey KHud ko in azeem
> sho'raa kaa ham-palla qaraar diyaa jo aap ko kisee tarah zaib naheeN
> daitaa. GustaaKHee muaaf keejiye gaa "Che nisbat KHaak raa baa
> aalam-e-paak!". Pakistaan ke Obaidullah "Aleem" ne kahaa thaa ke:
>
> "pehlaa shaair Meer huaa aur us ke ba'd hooN maiN"
>
> aur Hindustaan ke Manzar Bhopaalee ne yeh na'ra lagaayaa tha ke:
>
> "keh do Meer-o-Ghaalib se, hum bhee shair kehtey haiN
> woh sadee tumharee thee, yeh sadee hamaaree hai"
>
> aur ab aap aisee baat keh rahe haiN!! Mujhe yaqeen hai ke zaraa se
> tafakkur-o-tadabbur se aap KHud hee apnee GHalatee mahsoos kar laiNge
> aur is shair ko badal daiNge.
Sarwar Saahib:
I am back with the rest of my response.
First of all, let us look at the two quotes you have given here.
jahaaN tak Aleem Saahib ki baat hai, unhoN ne to "Meer ke aur apne
darmiyaan" jitne bhi shaa'ir huye haiN sabhi ko nest-o-naabood kar
diya hai --- chaahe voh esaateza hoN ya deegar sho'raa. beshtar logoN
ki nazar meiN, aise raviyye ko "be-hooda" samjhaa jaaye ga.
aur jahaaN tak Manzar Saahib ki baat hai, un ke pehle misre ka
tarz-e-taKhaatub yaqeenan "be-adabi" ka haamil hai aur doosre misre
meiN unhoN ne beesveeN sadi ke sabhi esaatiza ki hasti par jhaaRoo
pher diya hai --- which can again be regarded as "be-hooda".
ab aap mera maqta dekhiye aur zaraa ThaNDe dil se sochiye. maiN ne
kisi bhi shaa'ir ki shaan meiN be-adabi naheeN ki. sabhi ko un ke apne
apne maqaam par rakkha hai aur jin ke kamaal-e-fan ka ham sab loha
maante haiN un ko "is khel ke maahir" kahaa hai --- I'll come to the
usage of this phrase shortly. aur jin esaatiza ke naam baihr meiN
'fit' ho sake unheN Khusoosi taur se izzat di hai.
In view of this, it is rather unfortunate that you quoted those two
she'rs and placed my maqta in the same line of fire where they stood.
I regard this as totally unfair and inappropriate --- even insulting!
mera "jurm" sirf itna hai ke maiN ne Khud ko bhi usi saf meiN shaamil
kar liya hai jahaaN hamaare esaatiza baiThe the. Now, for a moment, do
you really think that I regard myself belonging there? isi liye to
maiN ne maqte ke ba'ad voh "smily symbol" Daal di thi taake kisi ko
yeh vaihm na ho ke maiN vaaq'ii is zo'm meiN mubtalaa hooN. kaash-ke
aap ne us "symbol" par dhyaan diya hota --- vaise agar voh "symbol" na
bhi hoti to bhi paRhne vaale ko aisa eihtemaal naheeN hona chahiye
tha!
To set the record straight, here is the maqta of another Ghazal by
Qais; farmaate haiN ke :-))
do chaar she'r keh ke samajhte haiN Khud ko kyaa?
poochhe koi ke Qais ji aise kahaaN ke haiN???
ab bataaiye, kahaaN gayaa voh Qais --- buzurgoN ki tauheen karne
vaala? javaaban arz hai ke voh jahaaN par tha vaheeN hai --- voh
buzurgoN ki izzat bhi karta hai, chhoToN se pyaar bhi karta hai aur
jab ji chaahe to har chhoTe-baRe se chheR-chhaaR bhi kar leta hai! And
he has no plans to change his ways in the foreseeable future. :-))
rahi baat lafz "khel" ki. ji haaN, maiN ne shaa'iri ko khel kahaa hai
magar esaatiza ko "is khel ke khilaaRi" naheeN kahaa, "maahir" kahaa
hai. aur "khel" usi sense meiN kahaa hai jis sense meiN Shakespeare ne
is saari duniya ko aek 'stage' kahaa hai aur ham sab ko 'actors'! usi
sense meiN jis sense meiN Ghaalib ne duniya ko "phirta hai shab-o-roz
'tamaasha' mire aage" kahaa hai! usi sense meiN jis sense meiN hamaare
rishi-muni is saNsaar ko "prabhu ki leela" kehte aaye haiN. And so on
----------- .
In other words, by calling shaa'iri a 'khel', I am in no way
minimizing its importance in our life; I am just saying it the way it
is --- a khel!
To make a long story short, while I fully admire the honesty and the
courtsey of your criticism, I don't see any reason to modify my maqta
on the basis of this criticism.
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Raj Kumar
> Muhtarim Raj Kumar Sahib, aadaab:
>
> aap kii manjhii huwii Ghazal paRhii, baRa lutf aaya. merii taraf se
> itnii achhii Ghazal kehne par mubaarak-baad aur yahaaN post karne ka
> shukriyaa qubuul kiijiye.
Zafar Saahib:
Ghazal pasaNd farmaane par aur is ke muKhtalif ash'aar par apne
mushaahidaat-o-ta'assuraat bahm pahuNchaane par aap ka bahut bahut
shukriya.
> ........ majmuuii taur
> par Ghazal bahut dilkash hai, kuch ta'asuraat qalam (keyboard?) band
> kar rahaa huuN, ummiid hai, tawajjuh farmaayaiN ge:
>
> 1. koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
>
> bahut achhaa matlaa kahaa hai. yahaaN Munir Niazi kaa ye she'r yaad
> aanaa laazimii hai:
>
> ham anjuman meN sab kii taraf dekhte rahe
> apnii tarah se koii akelaa nahiiN milaa
>
> yaa phir Majeed Amjad ka ye matl'a:
>
> dil ne aik aik dukh sahaa tanahaa
> anjuman anjuman rahaa tanhaa
bahut Khoob, Saahib, bahut Khoob. nihaayat dilkash aur mauzooN ash'aar
pesh kiye haiN aap ne. in 'quotes' se saaf zaahir hai ke aap meri kahi
hui baat ko Khoob samjhe! :-))
> 2.
> vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
> ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
>
> Wah! achhaa kahaa hai.
shukriya.
> 3.
> tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
> tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
>
> achhaa she'r hai, khaas taur par duusre misre kaa inshaayiaa andaaz
> bahut Khuub hai. lekin aik baat kahuuN gaa ki pehle misre meN
> "taqaazoN" ka lafz kuch jachaa nahiiN. isii tarah se duusre misre meN
> chuunke muKhaatib "diiwaanaa" banafs e nafiis hai, to is kii
> munaasibat se "aa" niklaa honaa chaahiiye thaa.
is she'r ki 'original form' meiN, lafz 'aa' hi tha magar chaNd
vujoohaat ki binaa par maiN ne 'aa' ko 'jaa' se badal diya.
(i) 'aa' tabhi Theek lagta hai jab ke ham to saihraa meiN hoN hi aur
kisi tarah hamaari mehbooba bhi vaheeN par aayee huyee ho (Ghaaliban,
'visit' ke liye!). :-))
mujhe yeh 'scenario' zaraa 'improbable' sa lagaa.
(ii) doosri baat yeh ke abhi agle hi she'r meiN 'aa' ka qaafiya aane
vaala hai. is liye, zer-e-baihs she'r meiN bhi 'aa' kehna munaasib
naheeN lagaa.
in baatoN ko madd-e-nazar rakhte huye, maiN ne 'jaa' ko 'aa' par
sabqat di aur ab 'scenario' yeh hai ke yaa to aashiq naheeN balke
mehbooba ki koi saheli use keh rahi hai ke
"tujh se bhi door ---------------------------
----------------------------------jaa niklaa"! :-))
yaa phir aashiq Khud hi baat kar rahaa hai magar 'doori' se muraad aam
faasila naheeN balke baa-hami ta'alluqaat ki doori hai aur zamaane ke
taqaazoN se be-nayaazi hai.
>
> 4.
> muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
> maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
>
> achha kahaa hai. radiif bahut Khuubii se chaspaaN huwi hai: "aa
> niklaa" meN "aa dhamkaa" kaa saa asar milta hai :)
"aa niklaa" ke baare meiN jo baat aap ne kahi hai, voh bilkul bajaa
hai.
>
> 5.
> aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
>
> Khuub kahaa hai. yahaaN Mir ka ye sh'er e dil paziir pesh karnaa
> chaahuuN gaa:
>
> aalam aalam ishq o junuuN hai, duniyaa duniyaa tuhmat hai
> daryaa daryaa rotaa huuN maiN, sehraa sehraa wahshat hai
Thanks, once again, for quoting so beautiful a she'r from so great a
poet! mere liye yeh baat baa'is-sad-ifteKhaar hai ke meri is haqeer
kaavish ne aap ko Khudaa-e-suKhan ke kalaam ki yaad dilaa di! goya,
"Qais 'maahir' na sahi, Qais 'anaaRi' bhi naheeN"! LOL LOL LOL
> 6.
> aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
> mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
>
> bahub Khuub, subhaan Allah! jaisaa ki Vijay sahib ne famaayaa hai, is
> she'r meN qaafiiye kii "phaban" diidanii hai.
bhagvaan aap ka bhalaa kare, Zafar Saahib; I can surely use some
'hausla-afzaaii' these days! :-))
> 7.
> thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
> kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
>
> sham'a aur parwaane kaa mazmuun hamaare shaa'iroN kaa aik baRa man
> bhaataa mazmuun rahaa hai. chand misaalaiN pesh e Khidmat haiN:
>
> Mir...
>
> phir na dekhaa kuchh bajuz yak sho'ala e pur paich o taab
> sham'a tak ham ne bhi dekhaa tha ki parwaanaa gayaa
Zafar Saahib, is she'r ke doosre misre meiN aek zaraa si tas_heeh
zaroori hai:
shama' tak to ham ne dekhaa thaa ke parvaana gayaa.
> 8.
> umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
> Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
>
> bahut Khuub she'r hai. "Khaak ka putlaa" kii tarkiib ne baRa lutf
> diyaa. sirf itnaa arz karnaa chaahuuN gaa ki (mere Khayaal meN) agar
> pehle misre meN "Khudaaii" kii bajaaye "ibaadat" kar diyaa jaaye to
> mafhuum ziaadaa waazih ho jaaye ga. ya agar "Khudaaii" ko laaziman
> misre meN rakhnaa hai to phir ye suurat ziaada munaasib hai:
>
> umr bhar jis kii Khudaaii pe tha eemaaN meraa
yahaaN par bhi 'original form' meiN lafz 'ibaadat' hi tha magar maiN
ne socha ke "Khaak ke putle" ke muqaabile meiN agar "Khudaaii" ko le
aaooN to behtar rahe ga. ab agar meri tarkeeb saaf naheeN hai to maiN
Ghaaliban aap ke mujavviza misre ko apnaa looN ga --- but with a minor
change:
umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii pe tha eemaan mujhe
> 9.
> Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
>
> yahaaN thoRii uljhan hai. agar 'Qais' aap kaa taKhallus hai, phir to
> baat kuch bantii nazar aatii hai, --------
ji haaN, Qais mera taKhallus hi hai; tab to "baat banti" nazar aati
hai na?
:-))
> aik jumla e ma'atrizaa: ye qaafiiye waale saahib kiaa woh
> hain jo "ban kar mahant girte 'the' pariioN ke jhunD par", aur jo itne
> naazuk mizaaj the ki "nik-hat e baad e bahaarii" ki "aTkheliyaaN" bhi
> unhain naagawaar guzarti thiiN; yaa phir woh jo apne jaane se pehle
> hii "kuuch" karne kii dhamkii de gaye the? :)
bhai, yeh 'mahanti' vaali baat to ham ne pehle kabhi naheeN suni;
albatta, yeh saahib vuhi "nak_hat-e-baad-e-bahaari" vaale hi haiN.
> aik aur sawaal ye ki kyaa in shu'araa ke intiKhaab meN koii "scheme"
> kaar-farmaa thii yaa phir ...
naheeN, aisi koi Khaas scheme kaar-farmaa naheeN thi magar in
saahibaan ka maahir-e-fan hona to zaroori tha hi. doosri baat 'baihr
ki qaid' thi aur teesri baat yeh ke hameN aek adad qaafiya bhi darkaar
tha. bas, in paabaNdiyoN ke pesh-e-nazar, inheeN teen sho'raa ko
'accommodate' kar paaya! :-))
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Sarwar Alam Raz
> sarw...@yahoo.com (Sarwar Alam Raz) wrote in message news:<267193df.01103...@posting.google.com>...
>
> Sarwar Saahib:
>
> maiN aap ka be-had shukr-guzaar hooN ke aap ne meri Ghazal ko itne
> shauq se paRhaa aur mujhe apne giraaN-qadr ta'assuraat se navaazaa.
> aek baat jo mujhe bahut hi pasaNd aayee hai voh yeh ke aap ke
> eiteraazaat nihaayat pur-Khuloos aNdaaz meiN pesh kiye gaye haiN aur
> un meiN agarche tanqeed ke pehloo to haiN magar be-jaa tanqees ke
> pehloo naheeN haiN! yeh baat yaqeenan aap ke husn-e-zan ki numaa'inda
> hai!
> [Please note that this 'zan' is with 'zoey', not with 'ze'] LOL, balke
> ROTFL
>
> On second thought, perhaps I should have written 'zann'! :-))
>
Yaad farmaaee kaa shukriya!:zikr meraa mujh se behtar hai ke us meHfil
maiN hai
Naqd-o-nazar ke baare maiN apnaa mauqif ijmaalan apne 3 Nov ke Khat
maiN likh chukaa hooN. Us maiN darj-e-zail mazeed tozeeHaat aap ke
Khutoot aur Vijay saheb ke naam Khat maiN "brick-bats" ke zikr ke
paish-e-nazar zaroori maloom hotee haiN:
(1) Hum maiN se koi tanqeed-o-tabsare se baalaa nahiN hai, shart sirf
yeh hai ke tabsara sanjeeda aur shaaista ho, albatta us kaa saHeeH
bhee hona laazimi nahiN hai.
(2) Tanqeed-e-bejaa, zaatiyaat per Hamla, lab-o-lehje ki talKhi
waGhaira kaa koi jawaaz nahiN hai. Maqsah adabi tabaadala-e-Kkayaal
aur us se istifaadah hai na ke kisi ko neechaa dikhaanaa.
(3) Her shaKhs ko tabsara karne aur us ke radd-o-qubool ka iKhtiyaar
hai.
(4) Ghalati kaa aitiraaf aur baad az-aan mumkinah islaaH
saleem-ut-tabaee kee daleel haiN aur is maiN subki yaa toheen kaa koi
sawaal paidaa nahiN hota hai.
MaiN in usooloN per aik umr se amal-pairaa hooN aur ab yaa aainda
inhaiN badalne ka koi jawaaz mere paas nahiN hai.
umr saaree to kati ishq-e-butaaN maiN Momin
aaKhari waqt maiN kyaa Khaak musalmaaN hoNge!
Ab maiN aap ki tahreer per izhaar-e-Khayaal ki ijaazat chaahtaa hooN:
:akelaa niklaa: aur :tanhaa niklaa: donoN maiN :mehfil se chale jaane:
aur :mehfil maiN ahsaas-e-tanhaaee: ke ma-aanee mojood haiN. Aap ne
:mehfil se chale jaane: ka iKhtisaas :tanhaa niklaa: se hi jo farz
kiyaa hai us kaa jawaaz na to mere alfaaz se saabit hai aur na mere
andaaz-e-bayaan se hi mustaNbit hotaa hai. Shair se zaahir hai ke aap
kaa maqsad :ahsaas-e-tanhaaee: kaa izhaar hi hai. ChoNke :bharee bazm:
maiN :teri bazm: ka mafhoom maKhfee samjhaa jaa saktaa hai is liye
mujhe yeh kehne maiN ta-ammul naheeN hai ke aap kaa doosra misra
(ba-shamool :akaila:) mere mujawwaza misre se behtar hai. Albatta maiN
aap ke pehle misre ke baare maiN apnee raae badalne se qaasir hooN.
Aap ne sarf-o-nahv ke havale se jo manee-aafreenee farmaaee hai woh
meri fahm se balaa-tar hai. Ashaar maiN her lafz kaa ailaan zaroori
nahiN hotaa hai. Aksar siyaaq-o-sebaaq se usee taraH mafhoom saaf
samajh maiN aajaataa hai jis tarah us ko nazar-andaaz karne se mafhoom
saaqit ho jaataa hai. :Toofaan uTha: aur :daryaa niklaa: donoN ke
aaKhir maiN lafz :hai: maKhfee hai magar mojood zaroor hai! Aap ke
misra-e-oolaa ke :aaj se: aur mere mujawwaza misre ke :yaad aayaa hai:
se us kaa qiyaam-o-sabaat itnaa zaahir-o-mustaHkam hai ke mazeed kisi
daleel ki Haajat mahsoos nahiN hotee hai.
>
> > Shair # 6: aasmaanoN maiN bhee ek hook uThe gee jis se
> > merey seene se woh naala abhee niklaa, niklaa
> >
> > "AasmaanoN maiN hook uThnaa" GHair maanoos muhaawara hai.
>
> huzoor, yeh muhaavara aap ke liye Ghair-maanoos hoga, magar Khaaksaar
> to ise chaaaaaleeeeeees baras se suntaa aur paRhtaa aaya hai! sanad ke
> taur par,
> shaa'ir-e-jamaal Janaab-e-Firaaq Gorakhpuri ki aek Ghazal ka matla'
> samaa'at farmaaiye. farmaate haiN ke
>
> "huuk uTThi hai aasmaanoN meiN
> kuchh to hai zor naa-tavaanoN meiN"!
>
> ab aap hi kahiye (aur insaaf se kahiye) ke bhalaa is laa-javaab she'r
> se behtar sanad aur kyaa ho sakti thi?
MaiN ne (aasmaan maiN hook uThne) ko :Ghair manoos: kahaa
thaa,:Ghalat: nahiN!! Kisi lafz yaa muHaware ka :Ghair manoos: hona us
ke :Ghalat: hone ko hargiz mustalzim nahiN hai! :Ghair manoos: se to
sirf is qadr muraad lee jaatee hai ke is lafz yaa muHaware se aam
qaari manoos nahiN hai. Do(2) misaaloN se meri baat aur wazeH ho
jaaegee:
(a) Umooman (weather) ko :mausam" paRhaa aur bolaa jaataa hai jabke
saHeeH talaffuz :mausim: hai jo Ghair maanoos to hai magar Ghalat
hargiz nahiN hai.
(b) Hum sub ne :be-aabroo honaa, aabroo reh jaanaa: waGhaira fiqre
sune haiN magar DaaGh kehte haiN ke:
DaaGh itraae hue phirte haiN aaj
shaayad un ki aabroo hone lagee
:Aabroo honaa: Ghair manoos muHawara hai lekin Ghalat hargiz nahiN hai
warna DaaGh ise kyoN istaimaal karte?
Agar aap ne :Ghair manoos: aur :Ghalat: ke maanee ke farq ko
malHooz-e-Khaatir rakhaa hota to aap Firaaq ke shair ki sanad daine ki
zaHmat se bach jaate aur maiN is tafseel se aap ki sama-Kharaashee ke
ilzaam se!!
> >
> > Shair # 7: thee jahaaN shama' wahaaN KHaak hai parwaane kee
> > kyaa bhalaa ishq jataane ka nateeja niklaa
> >
> > "Thee jahaaN shama'" se maloom hota hai ke parwaane ke jal jaane se
> > woh yaa to bujh gayee yaa mit gayee. Mit to woh KHair naheeN saktee
> > aur bujhne se us kaa wujood KHatm naheeN ho jaataa hai. Agar yeh
> > kehnaa maqsood hai ke parwaane ke jal kar KHaak ho jaane se shama' kaa
> > kuCh na bigRA aur parwaane ko ishq kaa sila mil gayaa to:
> >
> > sham-e'-maHfil hai waheeN, KHaak huaa parwaana
> > kyaa bhalaa ishq jataane kaa nateeja niklaa
>
> mu'aaf keejiye, Sarwar Saahib, mujhe aek baar phir sarf-o-nahv ko
> Khoon hota dikhaii de rahaa hai.
> huzoor, "Khaak huaa" se baat naheeN banti. "Khaak ho chukaa" ya "Khaak
> ho gayaa" kehna chaahiye --- magar kyaa kareN, 'baihr' ki sehat is
> baat ki ijaazat naheeN deti.
>
> agar aap ko meri yeh baat ajeeb lagi ho to arz karooN ke jab Maulaana
> Haali ne kisi aur shaa'ir ka yeh misra dekha --- "dekhte hi dekhte yeh
> kyaa huaa" --- to saTpaTaa se gaye aur kehne lage ke "yahaaN par 'kyaa
> huaa' naheeN, 'kayaa ho gayaa' kehna chaahiye --- magar kyaa kareN,
> be-chaara 'baihr' se majboor tha"!
Is shair maiN bhee sarf-o-nahv kee maanee-aafreene ke paish-e-nazar
kuch ziyaada kehna munaasib nahiN hai. Agar aap kaa maqsad yeh kehnaa
hai ke :mehfil-e-shab tamaam ho chuki hai, shama bujhaa kar uThaaee
jaa chukee hai aur ab sirf parwaane ki Khaak hi reh gayee hai....: to
aap kaa shair apnee aslee soorat maiN bilkul qaabil-e-qubool hai.
Doosre misre maiN :jataane: ko :maiN jalne: se badal kar aur daikh
leejiye to harj nahiN.
Afsos ke aap kee mufassil tozeeh-o-tashreeH (ba-shamool-e-smiley face)
ke baa-wujood maqte per bunyaadee tanqeed-o-tabsara saaqit nahiN hua.
Yeh shair paRhte hue (Khusoosan Urdu rasm-e-Khat main ke wahaan to
:smiley face: ki koi gunjaaish bhi nahiN hai) na to qaari ke saamne
asaatiza per kahe gaye aap ke saabiqah ashaar hoNge aur na hi woh un
lafzee aur manwee takallufaat maiN mulawwas hogaa jo aap ne tehreer
kiye haiN. Main is maqte per apnaa moqif badalne se yaksar qaasir
hooN. Aap ko yeh shair isee tarah pasand hai to ise rakhne kaa aap ko
mukammal iKhtiyaar hai.
Iradat kaish
Sarwar Raz sarwar
Raj Kumar
> mohtaram RK-saahib,
>
> Namashkaar aur aadaab.. hasb-e-ma'amool aap ki har GHazal ko
> is "manch" par bohot hi Khushi se paDHtaa hooN (agarche har
> GHazal par apne "ta'asuraat" ka izhaar karnaa, apni kam-maayegi
> ko madd-e-nazar rakhte hue,dushvaar bhi samajhtaa hooN).
Rajiv Saahib:
maiN apne kalaam par aap ki mustaqil tavajjo ke liye aap ka teh-e-dil
se shukr-guzaar hooN aur aap ke mashvaroN ko be-panaah qadr ki nigaah
se dekhta hooN.
maiN ne apni haaliya Ghazal par bhi aap ke ta'assuraat ko baRe Ghaur
se paRhaa hai aur aap ke lab-o-lehja ki 'sheereeni' ko saraaha hai!
:-))
chooN-ke maiN apne pichhle Khutoot meiN is Ghazal ke beshtar ash'aar
par apni TooTi-phooTi raaye tafseel se de chukaa hooN, is liye aaj
sirf unheeN ash'aar ko zer-e-baihs laaooN ga jin par aap ne koi Thos
savaal uThaaye haiN.
> > 4.
> > muddatoN ba'ad kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN paaii thii
> > maiN jo pahuNchaa to tiraa ishq vaheeN aa niklaa!
> >
>
> Nice she'r here .. The only comment I have is that this
> is the 2nd time I've run across the construction "jaa-e-amaaN"
> (the 1st being in a GHazal on Urdu Community by a "SuKHanvar-saahib")
> I am glad to learn from such new (to me) constructs.
maiN ne yeh istelaah pehli baar Dilli ke aek mushaa'ire meiN suni thi
--- koi 1960-1964 ke lag bhag --- aur ab na to shaa'ir ka naam yaad
hai aur na hi poora she'r. faqat aek misra yaad hai:
"sochta hooN ke kaheeN jaa-e-amaaN hai ke naheeN"?
As far as I recall, it was a beautiful Ghazal --- as you can well
judge from the radeef "hai ke naheeN"!
> > 5.
> > aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> > dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
>
> is she'r ka doosra misra'a to nihaayat ustaadaana hai. meri
> taraf se mubaarakbaad! agar mujhe poochaa jaaye, to is she'r
> ko "haasil-e-GHazal" keh dooNgaa!
yeh she'r mujhe bhi bahut achchha lagaa hai magar yeh
"haasil-e-Ghazal" hai ke naheeN --- yeh to aap hi jaaneN!
On second thought, "aap kehte haiN to phir Theek hi kehte hoN ge"!
:-))
> > 7.
> > thii jahaaN shama', vahaaN Khaak hai parvaane ki
> > kyaa bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ka nateeja niklaa!
> >
> What despair !! LOL! bohot KHoob!
she'r ko saraahane ke liye aap ka bahut bahut shukriya magar, Rajiv
Saahib, yahaaN par mere Khayaal meiN koi 'despair' vaali baat naheeN
hai. maiN parvaane ke jal marne par kaf-e-afsos naheeN mal rahaa, bas
use itna keh rahaa hooN ke "abe moorakh, agar tujhe ishq hi karna tha
to saleeqe se karta. bhalaa 'ishq jataane' ki kya zaroorat thi? In
other words, bhalaa yeh fuzool ki numaa'ish karne ki kya zaroorat thi
jo teri jaan hi le baiThi? gadhaa kaheeN ka!" LOL
> > 9.
> > Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> > koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> > :-))
> >
>
> maqta' meri naacheez raaye meiN kuchch gustaaKHaana hai,
> kyoN-ke mere *apne* KHayaal meiN asaateza ko KHud apne
> se "ham-palla" karna to saraasar aadaab-o-tamaddun ke KHilaaf
> mehsoos huaa kartaa hai.. ek baar phir janaab-e-Raaz-saahib
> ke ta'asuraat se maiN muttafiq hooN. haaN yeh bhi hai, ke
> maiN ziyaada-tar "classical" shaayari ka parastaar hooN, jahaaN
> aise cheezoN ke baare meiN bhi sochaa karte haiN.. "Contemporary"
> poetry is different in this manner and obviously ideas and
> conduct reflect changes in time.. (just as in everyday life,
> I suppose)...
bhai, is maqte ke baare meiN to mujhe jo kuchh kehna tha
janaab-e-Sarwar Saahib se keh chuka. aap se to sirf yihi kahooN ga ke
aap ne yahaaN par mujhe be-intehaa maayoos kar diya. mujhe
ummeed-e-kaamil thi ke aap bhi, Vijay Kumar Saahib ki tarah, mere is
maqte ko "haasil-e-Ghazal" she'r kaheN ge magar ab pataa chalaa hai ke
aap bhi usi zumre meiN haiN jis ke baare meiN Saahir Saahib ne (yaa
Shaad Saahib ne) kahaa tha ke
"pichhle vaqtoN ke haiN yeh log, inheN kuchh na kaho"! LOL, balke
ROTFL
I trust, Rajiv Saahib, that by now you know me a little better. :-))
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Vijay Kumar
> ummeed-e-kaamil thi ke aap bhi, Vijay Kumar Saahib ki tarah, mere is
> maqte ko "haasil-e-Ghazal" she'r kaheN ge magar ab pataa chalaa hai ke
> aap bhi usi zumre meiN haiN jis ke baare meiN Saahir Saahib ne (yaa
> Shaad Saahib ne) kahaa tha ke
> "pichhle vaqtoN ke haiN yeh log, inheN kuchh na kaho"! LOL, balke
> ROTFL
>
>
Raj Sahib: aadaab;
jo misra aap neN quote kiia hai, mere Khyaal meN voh ghalib kaa hai:
agle vaqtoN ke haiN yeh log inheN kucch na kaho
mai-o-naghma ko jo aNdOh ruba kehte haiN!!
Respectfully,
Vijay
Niranjan R. Pedanekar
> ----------------------
>
> arz hai ke
>
> 1.
> koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
>
utanii kam hai. is liye aur kuchh kahne ke bajaay main unakehii matle
kaa sahaaraa lekar chand ashyaar arz karanaa chaahuungaa. merii urdu
kii jaankaarii ALUP ke buzurgon se bahut hii kam hai. sach to ye hai,
ke ye merii sab se pahli urdu ghazal hai!!! is liye, ye ummeed
rakhataa huun ki aap merii gustakhiyon ko muaf kar denge aur merii
galatiyon ko sudhaarenge. hope the inspiration to build on his ghazal
reflects my compliments to his creation.
> 1.
> koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
>
A.
zi.ndagii, sochate rahe, khushii kaa ho naghmaa
vo to naasaaz hasarato.n kaa tamaashaa nikalaa.
B.
terii mehfil me.n phir se shammaa aahe.n bhar ke jalii
kyaa teraa phir koii paravaanaa aashanaa nikalaa?
C.
tuu unake ghar na gayaa naa hii galii se guzaraa
terii baaraat naa nikalii, na janaazaa nikalaa!
D.
tere kis kaam kaa ye bahr-e-khayaalaat 'alakh'
jo us me.n duub ke tuu khushk saraapaa nikalaa...
as i told you, this is my first ever urdu ghazal. i have taken the
name 'alakh', because it goes well with niranjan (the quintessencial
call of the saadhu/fakiir is 'alakh niranjan' - aur darvesh kii sadaa
kyaa hai?...;-))
shukriyaa.
niranjan
Raj Kumar
> Raj Kumar Sb, aadaab!
>
> aaj kayii roz ke baad mehfil meN aanaa nasiib huaa, yaa yuuN kahiye ki
> sahiih maanii meN shirkat karnaa nasiib huaa. matlab ye ki idhar se
> guzar to huaa, lekin ek sarsarii nigaah Daalne ke ilaavah aur kuchh
> karne kaa vaqt nahiiN thaa. aaj zaraa fursat hai. aap kii Ghazal paRh
> rahaa huuN aur hameshaa kii tarah mahzuuz ho rahaa huuN. naachiiz
> taassuraat haazir-e-Khidmat haiN.
Irfaan Saahib:
Welcome back. bhai, aap to kuchh 'ajnabi' se ho chale haiN. shukr hai
ke aaj aap bhoole-bhaTke is taraf aa hi nikle! :-))
meri Ghazal par apne besh-qeemat ta'assuraat pesh karne par aap ka
bahut bahut shukriya.
> > ----------------------
> >
> > 1.
> > koi hamraaz na niklaa, na shanaasa niklaa
> > maiN bhari bazm meiN aa kar bhi akelaa niklaa
> >
> matlaa Khuub hai! is par Kaafee kuchh kahaa jaa chukaa hai, ab maiN
> kyaa arz karuuN. lekin phir sochtaa huuN ki bahtii gangaa meN haath
> dhone meN buraa kyaa hai! LOL! (By the way, what does LOL stand for?)
Irfaan Saahib, halke-phulke aNdaaz meiN kahi gayii baatoN ke liye,
'internet' vaale kuchh Khaas 'symbols' se kaam lete haiN taake paRhne
vaale un baatoN ko be-jaa saNjeedagi se na leN!. maslan
:-)) symbolizes a plain old smile, indicating a light-hearted
statement or comment.
LOL is a bit stronger --- meaning "Laughing Out Loud".
ROTFL denotes an even higher level of hilarity --- meaning "Rolling On
The Floor Laughing".
> duusre misre meN 'akelaa niklaa' may mean 'was found to be alone' or '
> walked away alone'. Althogh both the meanings fit into the sher, it
> would be better if you could calrify (in the sher) as to which one was
> actually intended.
The meaning I intended to convey was that "I found myself to be
alone". In the context of a 'bhari bazm', I thought this meaning would
be the natural one for most readers.
> > 2.
> > vuhi taptaa hua maahaul, vuhi gard-o-Ghubaar
> > ab ke, ai dost, tiraa shaihr bhi saihraa niklaa!
> >
> bahut Khuub! haqiiqat puuchheN to lafz-e-'vuhii' kii nisbat 'shaihr'
> ke muqaabile meN 'saihraa' se ziyaadah mazbuut hai, lekin diigar
> ahbaab ke taassuraat paRh kar ye tasleem karnaa paRtaa hai ki yahaaN
> halkaa saa ibhaam hai. is par aap kii tavajjah darkaar hai.
is lafz ki nisbat mere nazdeek to 'saihraa' hi se thi, 'shaihr' se
hargiz naheeN thi. ab agar aap ko is saaKht meiN ib_haam ka pehloo
nazar aaya hai to maiN yaqeenan is saaKht par mazeed tavajjo dooN ga.
> > 3.
> > tujh se bhi door, zamaane ke taqaazoN se bhi door
> > tera deevaana, zaraa dekh, kahaaN jaa niklaa!
> >
> vaah! Is 'taqaazaa' something that you can be physically away from?
"taqaazoN se door hone" se muraad kisi 'jismaani doori' ki naheeN hai,
'be-niyaazi' ki hai!
> > > 6.
> > aasmaanoN meiN bhi ik huuk uThe gi jis se
> > mere seene se voh naalaa abhi niklaa, niklaa!
> >
> bahut Khuub! 'niklaa' kaa qaafiyah aap ne achchhaa baaNdhaa hai! pahle
> misre meN 'huuk' ke bajaaye koii aur lafz ho to behtar hai.
is qaafiya-aaraaii par apni mohr-e-tasdeeq sabt karne par aap ka dili
shukriya.
aur jahaaN tak lafz "huuk" ka ta'alluq hai, yeh lafz agarche itna
ziyaada musta'mil naheeN hai phir bhi is qadar pur-ma'ani hai ke maiN
ise badlane par maa'il naheeN ho sakaa. aur jo matla' maiN ne Firaaq
Saahib ka 'quote' kiya hai us matle' se aap is tarkeeb ki taaseer ko
pehle se ziyaada samajh gaye hoN ge.
>
>
> > 8.
> > umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii mira eemaan rahi
> > Ghaur se dekha to ik 'Khaak ka putlaa' niklaa!
> >
> bahut umdah! pahle misre meN merii naachiiz raae meN zabaan kii
> maamuulii kamii hai. dar-asl Khudaai 'par' eemaan huaa kartaa hai.
> lihaazah 'Khudaaii mira eemaan rahii' ke bajaaye 'Khudaaii pe mira
> eemaaN thaa' kaheN to behtar hai.
maiN ne, Zafar Saahib ke eemaa par, is misre ko pehle hi se badal diya
hai; ab is misre ki shakl yeh hai:
umr bhar jis ki Khudaaii pe tha eemaan mujhe
I hope this construct appeals to you better.
> > aur ab maqta arz hai:
> >
> > 9.
> > Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> > koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> > :-))
> >
> maqtaa par bhii bahut kuchh kahaa gayaa hai, aur aap ke liye pahle hii
> kayii savaalaat maujuud haiN. maiN aap kii mushkil meN izaafah nahiiN
> karnaa chaahtaa. albataa itnaa zaruur arz karuuNgaa ki jahaaN tak aap
> ke mizaaj se vaaqfiyat huyii hai (through this forum ofcourse), us se
> meraa andaazah hai ki 'khel' se shaayad aap kii muraad 'ishq' rahii
> hogii. lekin aap ko ye tasleem karnaa hogaa ki is lafz ke maanii
> yahaaN purii tarah saaf nahiiN. ummiid hai aap tavajjah farmaayeNge.
is maqte ke baare to maiN pehle hi bahut kuchh keh chukaa hooN. ab aur
kyaa kahooN ke mazeed kuchh kehne ko rahaa hi naheeN? :-))
ab to, Irfaan Saahib, aap se iltejaa hai ke aap koi nayee-taazee
sunaayeN taake jumla aihbaab ki tavajjo mujh se haT kar aap par
markooz ho! :-))
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Rajiv Chakravarti
> Rajiv Saahib:
>
> maiN apne kalaam par aap ki mustaqil tavajjo ke liye aap ka teh-e-dil
> se shukr-guzaar hooN aur aap ke mashvaroN ko be-panaah qadr ki nigaah
> se dekhta hooN.
> maiN ne apni haaliya Ghazal par bhi aap ke ta'assuraat ko baRe Ghaur
> se paRhaa hai aur aap ke lab-o-lehja ki 'sheereeni' ko saraaha hai!
> :-))
RK-saahib, aadaab !
javaab ki deri ke liye afsos bayaaN karna chaahtaa hooN, lekin:
" hui gar taaKHeer to kuchch baa'is-e-taaKheer bhi thaa !"
KHair, zah-e-naseeb ke aap mere a'araa ki itni qadr karte haiN.
meri yeh KHush-qismati hai..
> > > 5.
> > > aaj kuchh aur hi aNdaaz se tuu yaad aayaa
> > > dil meiN toofaan uThaa, aaNkh se daryaa niklaa
> >
> > is she'r ka doosra misra'a to nihaayat ustaadaana hai. meri
> > taraf se mubaarakbaad! agar mujhe poochaa jaaye, to is she'r
> > ko "haasil-e-GHazal" keh dooNgaa!
>
> yeh she'r mujhe bhi bahut achchha lagaa hai magar yeh
> "haasil-e-Ghazal" hai ke naheeN --- yeh to aap hi jaaneN!
> On second thought, "aap kehte haiN to phir Theek hi kehte hoN ge"!
> :-))
Raj-Kumar sahib, agar aap meri har baat ko yooN maan-ne lage, to
phir aapke maqte' par meri kahi hui baat par bhi to GHaur karni
paDegi... lekin aapne to yeh zaahir kar diyaa hai ke aapko maqta'
badalne ka koi javaaz nazar naheeN aa rahaa hai.. !
> > > 9.
> > > Qais se pehle bhi is khel ke maahir the kayee
> > > koi Ghaalib, koi Momin, koi Inshaa niklaa!
> > > :-))
> bhai, is maqte ke baare meiN to mujhe jo kuchh kehna tha
> janaab-e-Sarwar Saahib se keh chuka. aap se to sirf yihi kahooN ga ke
> aap ne yahaaN par mujhe be-intehaa maayoos kar diya. mujhe
> ummeed-e-kaamil thi ke aap bhi, Vijay Kumar Saahib ki tarah, mere is
> maqte ko "haasil-e-Ghazal" she'r kaheN ge magar ab pataa chalaa hai ke
> aap bhi usi zumre meiN haiN jis ke baare meiN Saahir Saahib ne (yaa
> Shaad Saahib ne) kahaa tha ke
> "pichhle vaqtoN ke haiN yeh log, inheN kuchh na kaho"! LOL, balke
> ROTFL
>
>mera "jurm" sirf itna hai ke maiN ne Khud ko bhi usi saf meiN shaamil
>kar liya hai jahaaN hamaare esaatiza baiThe the. Now, for a moment, do
>you really think that I regard myself belonging there? isi liye to
>maiN ne maqte ke ba'ad voh "smily symbol" Daal di thi
> I trust, Rajiv Saahib, that by now you know me a little better. :-))
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
RK-sahib, aap ko maayoos karne ka mera to bilukul maqsad naheeN
thaa, lekin aaKHire-e-kaar aapne qaar'eeN ke ta'asuraat ko jaanne
ki guzaarish kee thee. aur maine to nihaayat iKHlaas se
mera Khayaal qalamband kiyaa. ek "public forum" meiN har kisi ki kahi/likhi
hui baat se har koi ta'eed bhi naheeN kar sakta, na iski koi ummeed rakh
sakte haiN..
ba-har haal, mere "comments" sirf aapki haaliya GHazal par thi, ise
kisi aur GHazal ke maqta' se koi ta'aluq hi naheeN hai.. aur
agarche aapne "smiley symbol" lagaa diyaa thaa, maqta meiN aapne apna
jurm ko tasleem bhi kiyaa ---> :-) !!!) <---
aap Theek farmaate haiN ke kuchch mu'aamle meiN "hum jaise log"
"pichchle zamaane ke haiN", agarche 'umr meiN javaan haiN... aap
kuchch bhi kaheN sahib, lekin us zamaane ki shaaistagi aur tamaddun
ki kyaa baat hai...! isi liye mujhe ba-zaahir maqte' par "eitraaz" zaahir
karnaa paDaa.. no hard feelings, I personally would not have
composed such a line, even in jest.. !
Rajiv
'
Raj Kumar
> Aadaab Raj Kumar Ji,
>
> aek aur 'bouquet" aap ki jaanib aate aate zaraa delay ho gayaa. ise bhi hisaab meiN darj kar leejyiye ga
> :-))
bahut bahut shukriya, Abida Saahiba. yaqeen jaaniye, aap ki saKhaavat
aur aap ki faraaKh-dili to hamesha hi se hamaare aaRe aayee hai ---
aur ab apni to yihi du'aa hai ke yeh baa_hami raabita kabhi na TooT
paaye!
> aap ki ghazal bahut khoob hai. afsos aap ke har aek she'r par tabsara karne ki qaabiliyat to ham meiN naheeN
> hai,,,, shuk'r hai ke ye kaam "ALUP think tank" ne poora kar diya!!!
ALUP ke "think tank" ne to kamaal hi kar diyaa hai. goya, sirf
'tabsara' hi naheeN balke unhoN ne to is Ghazal ke baKhiye tak udheR
kar rakh diye haiN! LOL LOL LOL
Just kidding --- sach baat to yeh hai ke agar yaar-log faqat vaah-vaah
hi karte jaayeN to hamaara kalaam farsooda ho kar reh jaaye. aur jab
yaar-dostoN ki jaanib se hamaari mashq-e-suKhan ki taa'eed-o-tanqeed
hoti hai, tab hamaara tafakkur bi nikharta hai aur bayaan bhi!!!
> aap ke sabaq ka bhi bahut bahut shukriya. jab tak aap ke sabaq aate raheiN ge ham aap ki rehnumaaii se
> mustaafeed hote raheiN ge.
Abida ji, hameN to yeh Khadsha tha ke ab tak aap hamaare sabaqoN se
taNg aa chukii hoN gi aur in se faraar ki koi raah DhooND rahi hoN gi
--- magar lagta hai ke jitna chaskaa hameN sabaq dene ka hai utna hi
chaskaa aap ko sabaq lene ka hai! :-))
aur agar yeh aNdaaza saheeh hai to --- Khaaksaar can definitely expect
to stay in business for some time to come. LOL
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar