who has written this couplet - and is it in meter

[v]

I heard anna hazare recently reciting this couplet.

jhuktaa wohi hai jisme.n jaan hotee hai
akaDnaa to murde kee pehchaan hotee hai

i loved this couplet. does anyone know who has written it. and is there a full ghazal. also, is this couplet in meter?

[Vijay]

The two misras are not in the same behar; the second one is likely not in meter. The first one seems to be in meter.

This is a great example of 'pasaNd apnii apnii, Khyaal apna apna'; as I see little of poetic merit in the couplet. A very prosaic thought, expressed even more prosaically.

Best regards,

Vijay

[v]

vijay saab

agar iskii islaah karnii ho to ise meter kee paTrii par kis tarah vaapas laayaa jaa saktaa hai. mai.n is sher kii marammat karaake apane zehan ke kisee goshe me.n mehfooz rakhanaa chaahataa hoo.n :)

btw agar baat prosaic ki hai to

sher darasal hai vohi hasrat
sunte hee dil me.n jo utar jaaye

aksar aise sher 'prosaic' hee hote hai.n. case in point all the great poetry written on the fenders of trucks.

[Anil Kala]

g

On Monday, April 23, 2012 9:26:21 PM UTC+5:30, Vijay wrote:

gusthakhi maaf Vijay Saahib. In my view thought isn't prosaic, may be expressed without finesse. As a child my maasterjii told me, 'beTaa hari Daal to aasaani se moRii jaa sakti hai lekin suuKhi Daal muRegii nahiiN TuuT jaayegii' I don't remember what sin I committed but the advice has remained with me.

[Bayjigar Jaal Jahaani]

Y'ani ke jis main jaan hai wo murday kay samnay jhuk rahaa hai:) or
does it convey a threat that if one shows too much unbendability one
may find one self murdaa:)

I would agree with Vijay sahab about the prosaicness and pasand apni
apni.
I am of the opinion that if the asar is so much then forget the
meter:) Agar alam ye hai ke

Dil say jo baat nikalti hai asar rakhti hai
par (meter) nahiN taaqat e parvaz mugar rakhti hai

as for meter this may work:

jhuktaa wohi hai jisme.n jaan hotee hai

tannaa to murde kee pehchaan hotee hai

or

jhapatnaa palatnaa palat kar jhapatnaa
lahoo garm rakhnay ka hai ik bahana
ye poorab ye pihaam chikoroN ki duniyaa
miraa neelgooN aasmaaN baikraana

[v]

> as for meter this may work:
> jhuktaa wohi hai jisme.n jaan hotee hai
> tannaa to murde kee pehchaan hotee hai

sir sorry, magar doosraa misraa naa chheDe.n. usme.n thakur ke haatho.n kee tarah bahut jaan hai. pahle ke saath kare.n khilvaaD aur mere sher kee marammat kar de.n

>
> or
>
> jhapatnaa palatnaa palat kar jhapatnaa
> lahoo garm rakhnay ka hai ik bahana
> ye poorab ye pihaam chikoroN ki duniyaa
> miraa neelgooN aasmaaN baikraana

ye to goyaa iqbaal saahab kee koii nazm hai. doosre do misre nahee.n samajh aaye. aur uskaa is sher se kyaa rishtaa hai?

[Faanii B]

janaab-e v saaHab aadaab

vuhii jhukta jis meN abhii jaan hai
akaRnaa to murde ki pahchaan hai

baHr meN hai "jhuktaa" meN alif dab rahaa hai laikin is kii
ijaazat hai

yuuN is baat se inkaar nahiiN kih zair e baHs sutuur meN shi'rii'at
taqriiban naa paid hai

du'aa kaa taalib

Faanii

[Vijay]

GustaKhi kii koii baat nahiiN Anil sahib. maiN ne pehle hii keh diia
hai ki 'pasaNd apnii apnii....' Now that you have also expressed a
fondness for the meaning of the said couplet, I feel compelled to
elaborate my initial, somewhat pithy, comment.

Let me take the second line first: akDna to murde kii pehchaan hotii
hai. The writer (I hesitate to say poet) has taken a concrete fact
about one character of dead body becoming stiff when rigor mortis sets
in and has used that to characterize a group of people who are 'akRe
huue'. In Panjabi we call these guys 'naaDhuu KhaaN' types. Well,
these people are arrogant, ignorant, have low self esteem, inferiority
complex, or whatever, but what and where is the need to compare them
to the sanctity of death, or being dead? Anna Hazare himself could
have died in the pursuit of his noble cause and gone through the
process of being stiff, would you call him akRa huaa? In fact, death
has more often been glorified in poetry and prose than used to
characterize a group of losers.

Here is a lovely couplet, in glory of the dead:
zamaane ne maare jawaaN kaise kaise
zamiiN kha gaii, aasmaaN kaise kaise!!

Now the first misra: jhukta wuhii hai jismen jaan hotii hai.

Bhaii sahib, juhkna is a characteristic of humility, modesty, lack of
egocentricity etc., not a mark of 'being alive'. That is just too
general. Poeple who lack these virtues are also alive (and are akRee
huue to boot).

There are much better examples in Urdu poetry where a concrete truth
has been used to express an abstract thought. Look at this beautiful
she'r by Amir Minaii:

kisii raiis kii mehfil ka kya hai zik'r amiir
Khudaa ke ghar bhii na jaaeNge bin bulaae huue.

Here a stark fact (in the second misra) has been beautifully exploited
to express one's strength of character. Total contrast to how
similarly a concrete fact (that dead body is stiff) has been mutilated
to express naught.

Atif sahib, a misra that's not in rhythm may have 'taaqat-e-parwaaz'
but i will call it nas'r:-)

Ravi sahib, I tried but couldn't salvage the she'r. Now Faani sahib
has offered a solution of sorts which may or may not be to your
liking!

Great poetry on the back of truck fenders:-) Like that:-)

Best regards,

Vijay

[v]

> e
> Vijay

vijay saab

please apnee favourite poetry kaa collection chhaapiye. ek muKhtasar se post me.n aapne merii pyaas baDhaa dee hai. aapkee ek copy to mai.n prebook kar rahaa hoo.n.

agar aap meri tarah lazy type ho.n, to kam az kam ek blog hee likh deejiye. ye alup me.n search maarnaa bahut dukhdaayii ho gayaa hai. par ye dhyaan rakhiyegaa ki har sher ke saath tashreeh bhii ho aur shabdaarth bhii (i dont know the word for it in urdu). baaqii ham sambhaal lenge :)

[v]

faani saab

shukriyaa.

>
> vuhii jhukta jis meN abhii jaan hai
> akaRnaa to murde ki pahchaan hai
>
> baHr meN hai "jhuktaa" meN alif dab rahaa hai laikin is kii
> ijaazat hai
>
> yuuN is baat se inkaar nahiiN kih zair e baHs sutuur meN shi'rii'at
> taqriiban naa paid hai

sutuur (lines) shiriiat (correction ?) naa paid (unborn/missing). ab yeh jumlaa bhii samjhaa de.n

although i think you mean that there is no point discussing this couplet and you agree with vijay saab that it is prosaic.

vijay saab

is sher me.n bahut see Khaamiyaa.n hai. murdaa turant rigor mortis me.n nahee.n jaataa. isliye taazaa taazaa mare hue aadmii kee laash uThaanaa bahut mushkil hotaa hai. kyon.ki usme.n stiffness nahee.n hotee (jo kisii ko uThaane ke liye zaroorii hotee hai).

to merii nijee raay to ye hai ki akaDnaa hee zindagii kee nishaanee hai. murdaa to fluff fluff ho jaataa hai. as harivansh rai said

mai.n un ke saath jo rakhte seedhii apnee reeDh

to mai.n to naaDhoo Khaano.n kaa mureed hoo.n saab. par kabhii kabhii agle zamaane vaale meero.n kee bhee baat pasand aa jaatii hai :)

[Faanii B]

> > Faanii- Zitierten Text ausblenden -
>
> - Zitierten Text anzeigen -

bhaa'ii v saaHab aadaab

shi'rii'at ya'nii vuh shai, jis ke hone se alfaaz/jumle/sutuur
"shaa'irii" kahlaate haiN mairaa matlab yih thaa kih zair-e baHs
sutuur (mujh kam fahm ko) Ghazal kaa shi'r nazar nahiiN aate

[Vijay]

LOL! bohat Khuub Ravi sahib! If I publish the book, you will get a
signed copy, gratis:-)

>
> agar aap meri tarah lazy type ho.n, to kam az kam ek blog hee likh deejiye. ye alup me.n search maarnaa bahut dukhdaayii ho gayaa hai. par ye dhyaan rakhiyegaa ki har sher ke saath tashreeh bhii ho aur shabdaarth bhii (i dont know the word for it in urdu). baaqii ham sambhaal lenge :)

Ravi sahib, ALUP is a rich reservoir of urdu poetry, often with
wazaahat. Look up 'pasaNdiidah asha'ar' or similar threads that have
been started over the years by RK Qais sahib, Zafar sahib, Naseer
sahib, Ali Minaii sahib (yes, a relation of above quoted Amir Minaii),
Sarwar sahib and many times by Zoya sahiba and many others.

maiN aap se ziaadah hii lazy huuNga, kam nahiiN

Later,

Vijay

[Vijay]

On Apr 25, 2:11 am, v <kumar.vr...@gmail.com> wrote:

>
> vijay saab
>
> is sher me.n bahut see Khaamiyaa.n hai. murdaa turant rigor mortis me.n nahee.n jaataa. isliye taazaa taazaa mare hue aadmii kee laash uThaanaa bahut mushkil hotaa hai. kyon.ki usme.n stiffness nahee.n hotee (jo kisii ko uThaane ke liye zaroorii hotee hai).

You have bolstered my argument Ravi sahib.

>
> to merii nijee raay to ye hai ki akaDnaa hee zindagii kee nishaanee hai. murdaa to fluff fluff ho jaataa hai. as harivansh rai said
>
> mai.n un ke saath jo rakhte seedhii apnee reeDh
>

Amazing line!

Best regards,

Vijay

[Bayjigar Jaal Jahaani]

On Apr 24, 10:21 am, Faanii B <faaniibadaayuu...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On 24 Apr., 08:01, v <kumar.vr...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > > as for meter this may work:
> > >  jhuktaa wohi hai jisme.n jaan hotee hai
> > > tannaa to murde kee pehchaan hotee hai
>
> > sir sorry, magar doosraa misraa naa chheDe.n. usme.n thakur ke haatho.n kee tarah bahut jaan hai. pahle ke saath kare.n khilvaaD aur mere sher kee marammat kar de.n
>
> > > or
>
> > > jhapatnaa palatnaa palat kar jhapatnaa
> > > lahoo garm rakhnay ka hai ik bahana
> > > ye poorab ye pihaam chikoroN ki duniyaa
> > > miraa neelgooN aasmaaN baikraana
>
> > ye to goyaa iqbaal saahab kee koii nazm hai. doosre do misre nahee.n samajh aaye. aur uskaa is sher se kyaa rishtaa hai?
>
> janaab-e v saaHab   aadaab
>
> vuhii jhukta jis meN abhii jaan hai
> akaRnaa to murde ki pahchaan hai
>
> baHr meN hai   "jhuktaa" meN alif dab rahaa hai   laikin is kii
> ijaazat hai
>

jigar taira woe :bayjigar: daikhtay hain
ke baydil dukhee aasraa daikhtay hain


Yahaan alif aur yay ko parhtay huay kainch dia gayaa hai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKjIBFB7gUo

aur yahan dubaa dia gayaa hai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMWYoWXynx0&feature=related

> yuuN is baat se inkaar nahiiN kih zair e baHs sutuur meN shi'rii'at
> taqriiban naa paid hai
>
> du'aa kaa taalib
>

> Faanii- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[BGM]

Interesting discussion, indeed.
For most part I agree with Vijay saahab, that the the mauzuun of the quoted couplet is, somewhat trite, and devoid of "she'riat".

HaaN, is ko "maar peeT kar" kuchh is taraH se beher meN laayaa jaa saktaa hai, (ik suurat yeh ho sakti hai)

"jhukaa kartaa wohi hai yaar! Jis meN jaan hoti hai
AkaR jaanaa to phir, murde hi ki pehchaan hoti hai"

Aadaab arz hai

======================================================================================================

[Bayjigar Jaal Jahaani]

B'az auqaat kuch aisaa bhi hai ke meter say nikal jaanay main ziaada
sha'iri lugti hai:) (especially true where words are inserted to
remain in behar and sometimes can be done without) Kyaa kiyaa jaa'ay.
BehraiN shaa'iad aik guide ka kaam daiti hain jo experience pay based
hai mugar b'ad main aanay walon nay usay kuch ziadaa hi aisaa dhanchaa
banaa diyaa jis say hutnaa shaa'iri main kuch ziaada hi namunaasib
banaa diyaa gayaa.

> Ravi sahib, I tried but couldn't salvage the she'r. Now Faani sahib
> has offered a solution of sorts which may or may not be to your
> liking!
>
> Great poetry on the back of truck fenders:-) Like that:-)
>
> Best regards,
>

> Vijay- Hide quoted text -