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aek farmaa'ishi Ghazal

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Raj Kumar

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Jul 31, 2020, 9:42:46 AM7/31/20
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yaaraan-e-maHfil:

Haal hi meN, azeez-e-man Shoaib sahib ne Khaaksaar se kuchh farmaa’isheN kii haiN, jin meN aek farmaa’ish is Khusuusi Ghazal ki hai. agarche yeh Ghazal ko’ii teen baras pahle ALUP par chaspaaN kii ga’ii thi magar un dinoN yahaaN par sukuut ka aalam taari tha. nateejatan, is Ghazal par sirf do saaHibaan ne apni aaraa ka izhaar kiyaa tha. Husn-e-ittefaaq dekhiye k voh dono saaHibaan aek taveel muddat se ta’ateel par haiN!

is liye maiN ne socha k, bajaaye is ke k yeh Ghazal Shoaib saaHib ko ba-raah-e-raast bhejuuN, kyuuN na ise aek bar phir ALUP hi pe chaspaaN karuuN --- taa-k jo dost aaj kal idhar se guzarte haiN, voh bhi is Ghazal se maHzuuz ho sakeN.

to, leejiye, Ghazal Haazir hai aur Hasb-e-ma’amuul aap sabhi dostoN ke ta’assuraat ka intezaar rahe ga.

Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar

----------------

matl’a arz hai:

1. din ho k raat, gardish-e-paimaana chaahiye
ghar meN nahiiN to paas hi mai-Khaana chaahiye

2. iimaaN bajaa, ‘ibaadat-o-Hamd-o-sanaa bajaa
phir bhii zaraa sa maslak-e-riNdaana chaahiye

3. jab aartii utaareN to masjid meN baiTh kar
paRhnii ho jab namaaz to but-Khaana chaahiye!

4. fursat milii to ham bhi padhaareN ge “tuur” par
fil-Haal ham ko “jalva-e-jaanaana” chaahiye!

5. begaana-vaar meri taraf dekhte ho kyaa
kyaa mujh ko bazm-e-naaz se uTh jaana chaahiye?

6. zauq-e-visaal hai to tirii chashm-e-mast ko
ik-aadh jaam aur abhi chhalkaana chaahiye

7. tuu jal-parii hai, Huur hai, yaa apsaraa ko’ii
yeh raaz aek roz to khul jaana chaahiye!

aur ab maqt’a arz hai:

8. sun kar miraa kalaam, kahaa: “maiN to mar ga’ii”!
is baat par to ‘Qais’ ko mar jaana chaahiye!!!


Zoya

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Jul 31, 2020, 2:16:49 PM7/31/20
to
On Friday, July 31, 2020 at 8:42:46 AM UTC-5, Raj Kumar wrote:
> yaaraan-e-maHfil:
>
> Haal hi meN, azeez-e-man Shoaib sahib ne Khaaksaar se kuchh farmaa’isheN kii haiN, jin meN aek farmaa’ish is Khusuusi Ghazal ki hai. agarche yeh Ghazal ko’ii teen baras pahle ALUP par chaspaaN kii ga’ii thi magar un dinoN yahaaN par sukuut ka aalam taari tha. nateejatan, is Ghazal par sirf do saaHibaan ne apni aaraa ka izhaar kiyaa tha. Husn-e-ittefaaq dekhiye k voh dono saaHibaan aek taveel muddat se ta’ateel par haiN!
>
> is liye maiN ne socha k, bajaaye is ke k yeh Ghazal Shoaib saaHib ko ba-raah-e-raast bhejuuN, kyuuN na ise aek bar phir ALUP hi pe chaspaaN karuuN --- taa-k jo dost aaj kal idhar se guzarte haiN, voh bhi is Ghazal se maHzuuz ho sakeN.
>
> to, leejiye, Ghazal Haazir hai aur Hasb-e-ma’amuul aap sabhi dostoN ke ta’assuraat ka intezaar rahe ga.
>
> Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar

RK sahib,

aadaab,

is ghazal kii farmaa'ish karne vaaloN kaa bhii shukriyah, aur aap kaa bhii shukriyah k aap ne ise Alup par dobaaraa post kiyaa. maiN ne yeh ghazal pehle nahiiN paRhii thii, daad qubuul kiijiye, puuri ghazal hii rang-e-Qais meiN hai.

>
> matl’a arz hai:
>
> 1. din ho k raat, gardish-e-paimaana chaahiye
> ghar meN nahiiN to paas hi mai-Khaana chaahiye

Walking distance, you mean? Good idea. Safe. :)

>
> 2. iimaaN bajaa, ‘ibaadat-o-Hamd-o-sanaa bajaa
> phir bhii zaraa sa maslak-e-riNdaana chaahiye

mujhe yeh she'r bahut pasand aayaa hai, aur Jigar yaad aa gaye:

zaahid, yeh merii shoKhii-e-rindaana dekhnaa
rahmat ko baatoN baatoN meiN behlaa ke pii gayaa!

>
> 3. jab aartii utaareN to masjid meN baiTh kar
> paRhnii ho jab namaaz to but-Khaana chaahiye!

I don't see you doing either! :-)

>
> 4. fursat milii to ham bhi padhaareN ge “tuur” par
> fil-Haal ham ko “jalva-e-jaanaana” chaahiye!

Hmmm, "tumheN ghash aa gayaa to husn-e-jaanaaN kaun dekhe ga"?!

>
> 5. begaana-vaar meri taraf dekhte ho kyaa
> kyaa mujh ko bazm-e-naaz se uTh jaana chaahiye?

Maybe! :-)

terii mehfil se uThhaata ghair mujh ko kya majaal
dekhtaa thaa maiN k tuu ne bhii ishaara kar diyaa!

>
> 6. zauq-e-visaal hai to tirii chashm-e-mast ko
> ik-aadh jaam aur abhi chhalkaana chaahiye

Back to Jigar:

piitaa baghair izn yeh kab thii mirii majaal
dar-pardah chashm-e-yaar kii shah paa ke pii gayaa!

>
> 7. tuu jal-parii hai, Huur hai, yaa apsaraa ko’ii
> yeh raaz aek roz to khul jaana chaahiye!

Now this is Faraz:

apsaraa thii na Huur thii na pari
dilbari meiN magar ziyaada thii! :)

>
> aur ab maqt’a arz hai:
>
> 8. sun kar miraa kalaam, kahaa: “maiN to mar ga’ii”!
> is baat par to ‘Qais’ ko mar jaana chaahiye!!!

yeh marne maarne vaali baateN to aap Shoaib sahib se hii kiijiye ga, yeh mujhe samajh nahiiN aatiiN! :-)

dua'-e-mukarrar: jiite rahiiye aur likhte rahiye.

_______Zoya

Irfan Abid

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Aug 1, 2020, 7:56:57 PM8/1/20
to
muhtaram RK sb, aadaab arz hai!

aap kii Ghazal nazar-navaaz huii aur pasand aayii. Ghazal aap ke maKhsuus andaaz kii aainadaar hai. daad qubuul farmaaiye.

niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:

nageshsahib

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Aug 2, 2020, 10:38:06 AM8/2/20
to
RK Sahib:

I enjoyed reading this ghazal and I had intended to scan it before posting my reply, but unfortunately life got in the way. I will get around to my task, but in the meantime, thank you so much for sharing this! As always, it is a great pleasure reading your compositions. They have an easy flow and rhythm and should be sung.

Nagesh
Message has been deleted

shoaib...@gmail.com

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Aug 5, 2020, 4:25:09 PM8/5/20
to
Raj Kumar sahib,

bohat shukriya aap ne yeh darkhwaast poori ki. meri nazroN se ojhal reh gaii thi, bas abhi nazar paRi. ghazal bohat achchhi hai lekin maqta hamesha ki tarah aap ke rang meiN ranga hua hai. she'r no.4 bohat pasand aaya, aur meiN padharnay ki baat par to maiN lot pot ho gaya.

Ghalib ko to kehte hi haiN lekin maiN, basad adab, aap ko hevaan-e-zareef kehta hooN.

Raj Kumar

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Aug 6, 2020, 8:18:20 PM8/6/20
to
On Friday, July 31, 2020 at 11:16:49 AM UTC-7, Zoya wrote:
> On Friday, July 31, 2020 at 8:42:46 AM UTC-5, Raj Kumar wrote:
>
> RK sahib,
>
> aadaab,
>
> is ghazal kii farmaa'ish karne vaaloN kaa bhii shukriyah, aur aap kaa bhii shukriyah k aap ne ise Alup par dobaaraa post kiyaa. maiN ne yeh ghazal pehle nahiiN paRhii thii, daad qubuul kiijiye, puuri ghazal hii rang-e-Qais meiN hai.

***navaazish hai aap ki, Zoya sahiba, k aap ne is Ghazal ko pasaNd farmaayaa aur is ke aek aek she'r par apni raaye ka izhaar bhi kiyaa!***

> > matl’a arz hai:
> >
> > 1. din ho k raat, gardish-e-paimaana chaahiye
> > ghar meN nahiiN to paas hi mai-Khaana chaahiye
>
> Walking distance, you mean? Good idea. Safe. :)

***aap ki yeh "walking distance" vaali baat bahut pasaNd a'ii. ise paRh kar, be-saKhta haNsi aa ga'ii.*** :-)

> > 2. iimaaN bajaa, ‘ibaadat-o-Hamd-o-sanaa bajaa
> > phir bhii zaraa sa maslak-e-riNdaana chaahiye
>
> mujhe yeh she'r bahut pasand aayaa hai, aur Jigar yaad aa gaye:
>
> zaahid, yeh merii shoKhii-e-rindaana dekhnaa
> rahmat ko baatoN baatoN meiN behlaa ke pii gayaa!

***bahut Khuub she'r hai Jigar sahib ka. ise paRhne ke ba'ad, mujhe Khud apna she'r bhi achchha lagne lagaa hai!***

> > 3. jab aartii utaareN to masjid meN baiTh kar
> > paRhnii ho jab namaaz to but-Khaana chaahiye!

> I don't see you doing either! :-)

***Me neither! yeh to maHz aek paiGhaam hai vus'at-ul-nazarii ka --- agar kisii ki samajh meN aa sakay to!***

> > 4. fursat milii to ham bhi padhaareN ge “tuur” par
> > fil-Haal ham ko “jalva-e-jaanaana” chaahiye!
>
> Hmmm, "tumheN ghash aa gayaa to husn-e-jaanaaN kaun dekhe ga"?!

***bajaa farmaaya aap ne, Zoya sahiba. albatta, yahaaN ziyaada mazedaar baat to lafz "fil-Haal" meN hai!*** :-)

> > 5. begaana-vaar meri taraf dekhte ho kyaa
> > kyaa mujh ko bazm-e-naaz se uTh jaana chaahiye?
>
> Maybe! :-)

***chalo, yuuN hi sahii! agar aisa hu'aa to hamaare paas aur imkaanaat bhi haiN, jaise

maikade se uTh ke jaayeN ge to seedhe Khuld ko
TikTikii baaNdhe zamaana dekhtaa rah jaaye gaa!
[Qais]***

> terii mehfil se uThhaata ghair mujh ko kya majaal
> dekhtaa thaa maiN k tuu ne bhii ishaara kar diyaa!

***agar suurat-e-Haal aisi ho, phir to yihii kahnaa paRay ga:

"tuu nahiiN aur sahii, aur nahiiN aur sahii"*** :-)

> > 6. zauq-e-visaal hai to tirii chashm-e-mast ko
> > ik-aadh jaam aur abhi chhalkaana chaahiye
>
> Back to Jigar:
>
> piitaa baghair izn yeh kab thii mirii majaal
> dar-pardah chashm-e-yaar kii shah paa ke pii gayaa!

***yeh hu'ii na baat. kisi ne aap ko malika-e-ash'aar ka Khitaab yuuNhi to nahiiN de diya tha. :-)

B/W, I wonder if it should be "baGhair izn" or "baGhair-e-izn".***

> > 7. tuu jal-parii hai, Huur hai, yaa apsaraa ko’ii
> > yeh raaz aek roz to khul jaana chaahiye!
>
> Now this is Faraz:
>
> apsaraa thii na Huur thii na pari
> dilbari meiN magar ziyaada thii! :)

***kamaal ki baat hai k meri is Ghazal se aap ko kabhi Jigar ki aur kabhi Faraaz ki yaad aa'ii hai. yeh ziyaada-tar to aap ke maKhzan-e-she'r ki karaamaat hai aur thoRa-bahut jaaduu is Ghazal meN bhi hoga!*** :-)

> > 8. sun kar miraa kalaam, kahaa: “maiN to mar ga’ii”!
> > is baat par to ‘Qais’ ko mar jaana chaahiye!!!
>
> yeh marne maarne vaali baateN to aap Shoaib sahib se hii kiijiye ga, yeh mujhe samajh nahiiN aatiiN! :-)

***aap 'note' kareN k ham ne kabhi bhi "maarne" ki baat nahiiN kii, sirf "marne" ki kii hai. aur phir agar javaaz aisa ho jaisa maiN ne arz kiyaa hai, phir to marne hi meN raaHat hai!*** :-)

> du'a-e-mukarrar: jiite rahiiye aur likhte rahiye.

***Thanks, Zoya sahiba.

du'aa-go, Raj Kumar***

nageshsahib

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Aug 6, 2020, 10:34:18 PM8/6/20
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And I thought I was the only one who went off topic! I liked this one a lot, RK Sahib.
Regards,
Nagesh

Raj Kumar

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Aug 8, 2020, 6:06:46 PM8/8/20
to
__________________

***bahut bahut shukriya, Irfan sahib. Ghazal aap jaise saaHib-e-suKhan ko pasaNd aa'ii to yuuN samajhiye k mujh be-raaH-rau ki meHnat bar aa'ii. aap ki daad, Hasb-e-ma'amuul, Khaaksaar ke sar-aaNkhoN pe hai!

du'aa-go, Raj Kumar***

Raj Kumar

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Aug 9, 2020, 12:54:09 PM8/9/20
to
_______________

***Thanks for liking this Ghazal, Nagesh sahib, especially for saying nice words about my compositions overall. Whether you carry out taqtii'a of its ash'aar or not, please do sing it and enrich your environment! :-)

R.K.***

Raj Kumar

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Aug 12, 2020, 6:51:10 PM8/12/20
to
On Wednesday, August 5, 2020 at 1:25:09 PM UTC-7, shoaib...@gmail.com wrote:
> Raj Kumar sahib,
>
> bohat shukriya aap ne yeh darkhwaast poori ki. meri nazroN se ojhal reh gaii thi, bas abhi nazar paRi. ghazal bohat achchhi hai lekin maqta hamesha ki tarah aap ke rang meiN ranga hua hai.

***Shoaib sahib, aap ko yeh Ghazal pasaNd aa'ii to yuuN samajhiye k meri meHnat bar aa'ii. aur, janaab, mera maqt'a to hota hi aisa hai k aap ko mere Khusuusi aNdaaz ki yaad dilaata jaaye!*** :-)

> she'r no.4 bohat pasand aaya, aur meiN padharnay ki baat par to maiN lot pot ho gaya.
>
***aap jis lafz par loT-poT huye haiN, voh lafz maiN ne Urdu ash'aar meN kabhi nahiiN dekha tha --- until I came across a rubaa'ii by Mirza Yaas Yagaana Changezi who wrote it around the time when India was partitioned and a large number of Muslims were heading to Pakistan. Sensing the environs of the post-partition India, he said to them:

tahzeeb-o-tamaddun ki fazaa le jaao
Urdu ho k Faarsii, bachaa le jaao
ulluu bolaa "padhaarne vaaloN" kaa
"tashreef ka Tokraa" uThaa le jaao

hai na maze-daar rubaa'ii?

jab maiN yeh Ghazal kah rahaa tha to mujhe yak-laKht YY ki yeh rubaa'ii yaad aa'ii aur maiN ne sochaa k kyuuN na is Ghair-ma'amuuli lafz ko kahiiN barta jaaye --- so barat liyaa!*** :-)

> Ghalib ko to kehte hi haiN lekin maiN, basad adab, aap ko hevaan-e-zareef kehta hooN.
>
***azeez-e-man, maiN ne jab bhi yeh baat aap ke muNh se suni hai, mujhe be-Had haNsi aa'ii hai, is liye k aap aksar mujhe Haivaan-e-zareef kah kar meri izzat baRhaate haiN --- kabhi mujhe Haivaan-e-mutlaq ka kar mera pol nahiiN kholte! :-)

Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar***
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