kuchh pata to chale!

[rpat...@yahoo.com]

janaab-e-Vijay saahib ki mahabbat-aamez farmaa'ish par, maiN apni aek nayee Ghazal aap sabhi dostoN ki nazr kar rahaa hooN --- gar qubool uftad!

du'aa-go,
Raj Kumar "Qais"

---------------------------

matl'a arz hai:

1. maaNgtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
Taaltaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

2. DhuuNDtaa kaun hai, yeh to ma’aluum hai
laa-pata kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!

3. ik taraf aap haiN, ik taraf aa’ina
dekhtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)

4. mujh pe riNdii ka ilzaam vaajib, magar
paarsaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

5. be-vafaa maiN hi thaa, be-vafaa maiN hi hooN
baa-vafaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

6. aashnaa’ii ka da’ava to har ik ko hai
aashnaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

7. yeh to maanaa k meraa ko’ii bhi naheeN!
aap kaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!! ;)

8. aap ke dil meiN kal tak faqat maiN hi thaa
yeh “nayaa” kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)

9. maiN to kaj-faihm hooN, kaj-saleeqa bhi hooN
kaj-adaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale ;)

10. aaj kashtii ka ko’ii Thikaana naheeN
naa-Khudaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

11. tuu mirii muurtii, maiN pujaarii tiraa!
yeh Khudaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!!

12. mere ash’aar sun kar, zaraa dekhnaa
jheNptaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)

aur ab maqt'a arz hai:

13. log aashiq bhi haiN, log shaa’ir bhi haiN
Qais saa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! :)

------------------

[Anil Kala]

Janaab e Raj Sahib

Waah! bohat KHuub kyaa ghazal kahi hai. kamaal ka radiif hai kitni possibilities liye hue.

(I am borrowing BGM's patented double underline)

==========================================================================

> 3. ik taraf aap haiN, ik taraf aa’ina
>
> dekhtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>
>

===========================================================================


This one is amazing in simplicity of construct and direct approach but the layered meaning cracks a whip as soon as you realize that it rips open your own persona. A monetary shudder pass down your spine.

Great effort.

aadaaz arz hai.

Anil Kala

[vij...@gmail.com]

On Wednesday, 3 April 2013 01:43:47 UTC+1, rpat...@yahoo.com wrote:
> janaab-e-Vijay saahib ki mahabbat-aamez farmaa'ish par, maiN apni aek nayee Ghazal aap sabhi dostoN ki nazr kar rahaa hooN ---

Raj sahib:

meri guzaarish qubuul karne pe aap ka bohat shukriia. aur kyaa hii Khuubsoorat ghazal sunaaii hai aap ne.

Jaisa ki Anil sahib ne farmaya, radiif bohat Khuub lia hai aap ne. radiif laNba ho to sha'ir ko shayad mushkil pesh aati ho chuuN' ki she'r kaa kaafi baRaa hissa to radiif hii meN jazb ho jaata hai. baaqi ke she'r men nisbatan kamtar jagah bachtii hai izhaar-e-taKhayyul ke liie. iske do nataai'j hote haiN; ya to sha'ir behr ko laNba le letaa hai, ya asha'r kii ginatii kam ho jaati hai. is kii aik misaal, jis se merii baat wazeh hotii hai, Ustaad daaG kii voh dil paziir ghazal hai, jiska radiif hai: 'yeh kahaani phir sahii'. is ka behr bhii nisbatan kaafi laNbaa hai aur is ke asha'ar bhii taqriiban tiin-chaar hii haiN. (yeh ain mumkin hai ki asha'ar kaa shumaar ziaadah ho aur is kaa mujhe ilm na ho).

aap ne radiif bhii laNbaa liia hai, behr bhii nisbatan chhoTaa hii raKKha hai aur she'r bhii 13 keh Daale haiN! mere nazdiik to aap ghazal paRhne se pehle hii mubaarakbaad ke haqdaar hai:-)

ghazal pe jaane se pehle aik baat aur. Ghulaam Ali ne aik baz'm meN kaha thaa (ki mazaa to jab hai) ki ghazal gaane meN mushkil ho lekin sunane meN lage na! aap kii ghazaleN bhii kucch aisii hii hotii haiN. jasie yeh ghazal, dekhne meN aasaan lgtii hai lekin haqiiqat yeh hai ki ham jaisoN ko is kaa aik she'r kehne meN bhii shayad zamaane lag jaaeN. aur aap ne DhaRaa DhaR 13 she'r keh Daale. bohat Khuub!

> matl'a arz hai:
>
>
>
> 1. maaNgtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
> Taaltaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
>
>
> 2. DhuuNDtaa kaun hai, yeh to ma’aluum hai
>
> laa-pata kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!

bohat Khuub. wah wah!

> 3. ik taraf aap haiN, ik taraf aa’ina
>
> dekhtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>

Anil sahib ne ALUP pe aik laRii shuruu kii thii, aa'ina ke mauzuu pe. mujhe laga thaa ki is unwaan pe jitne bhii asha'r kahe jaa sakte haiN, voh keh diie gae haiN. lekin aap ne aik aur Khuubsuurat nazriia nikaala hai. bohat Khuub!

>
> 4. mujh pe riNdii ka ilzaam vaajib, magar
>
> paarsaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>

bohat Khuub.

> 5. be-vafaa maiN hi thaa, be-vafaa maiN hi hooN
>
> baa-vafaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

in do asha'ar meN (4 aur 5) agar doosra misraa ba-taur aik 'rhetorical' siwaal liia jaae to she'r aur bhii nikhar aata hai. (shayad aap ne bhii yihii socha ho).

>
> 6. aashnaa’ii ka da’ava to har ik ko hai
>
> aashnaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
>
>
> 7. yeh to maanaa k meraa ko’ii bhi naheeN!
>
> aap kaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!! ;)
>
>
>
> 8. aap ke dil meiN kal tak faqat maiN hi thaa
>
> yeh “nayaa” kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>

bohat acche janaab. Ustaad Daag ka Khayaal mujhe yeh she'r paRh kar aaya thaa. (tumhaare Khat meN, nayaa ik salaam kis kaa thaa)

>
> 9. maiN to kaj-faihm hooN, kaj-saleeqa bhi hooN
>
> kaj-adaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale ;)
>
>
>
> 10. aaj kashtii ka ko’ii Thikaana naheeN
>
> naa-Khudaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
>
>
> 11. tuu mirii muurtii, maiN pujaarii tiraa!
>
> yeh Khudaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!!
>

This is so 'typical' qais. Bravo. I think only some can pull off using words like 'pujaarii' 'muurtii' in an Urdu ghazal.

> 12. mere ash’aar sun kar, zaraa dekhnaa
>
> jheNptaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>

Another good one.

>
> aur ab maqt'a arz hai:
>
>
>
> 13. log aashiq bhi haiN, log shaa’ir bhi haiN
>
> Qais saa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! :)
>

wah wah!

Raj sahib, saarii kii saarii ghazal hii bohat acchhi lagii, lekin jin asha'r kii maiN ne nishaan dihii kii hai, voh Khusuusi taur pe acche lage.

aik baar phir bohat shukriia.

Anil sahib, vaise to aaj kal dunya meN, Khaas kar Europe meN, bohat se 'monetary shudder' ke lamhe aate jaate rehte haiN (Cyprus being the latest), mere Khayaal meN aap 'momentary shudder' kehnaa chaa rahe thee, nahiiN?

Vijay

[Anil Kala]

>
> > 1. maaNgtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
> >
>
> > Taaltaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>

In bambaiyya zubaan mangtaa means 'chaahiye' as 'mangtaa hai to bol' they say it with single 'a' not maangtaa... so this she'r offers some more possibilities.

>
> Anil sahib, vaise to aaj kal dunya meN, Khaas kar Europe meN, bohat se 'monetary shudder' ke lamhe aate jaate rehte haiN (Cyprus being the latest), mere Khayaal meN aap 'momentary shudder' kehnaa chaa rahe thee, nahiiN?
>
>
>
> Vijay

Shukriya Vijay Sahib.. I would rather suffer momentary shudder than monetary one. btw you also offer opportunity for correction .. chaa(h) and the( minus additional e)

[vij...@gmail.com]

On Wednesday, 3 April 2013 19:15:09 UTC+1, Anil Kala wrote:

> Shukriya Vijay Sahib.. I would rather suffer momentary shudder than monetary one. btw you >also offer opportunity for correction .. chaa(h) and the( minus additional e)

And '...haqdaar haiN'


Vijay

[b_man...@yahoo.com]

8. aap ke dil meiN kal tak faqat maiN hi thaa

    yeh “nayaa” kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!   ;)

Waa..h! waa...h!!! Bahot Khuub!
Puurii Ghazal par daad-o-mubarakbaad qubuul farmaaiye.
Aap ko Ghazal saraa dekh kar beHad Khushi huii hai.

(Vijay saahab kaa bhi shukriya. Aisi azaaneN diya kareN aur Raj saahab jaise namaaziyoN ko jagaayaa kareN, Hazrat Bilal!!)

[b_man...@yahoo.com]

Oops, forgot the double line. Here it is

=======================================================
there! Happy?

[Raj Kumar]

On Tuesday, April 2, 2013 9:37:30 PM UTC-7, Anil Kala wrote:
> Janaab e Raj Sahib
>
>
>
> Waah! bohat KHuub kyaa ghazal kahi hai. kamaal ka radiif hai kitni possibilities liye hue.

izhaar-e-taihseen ke liye mamnoon hooN, Anil saahib, albatta jitne imkaanaat is radeef ne mohaiyya kiye haiN, unheN is chhoTi si baihr meiN sameTnaa kuchh aasaan kaam naheeN hai!

>
> (I am borrowing BGM's patented double underline)
>
> ==========================================================================
>
>
>
> > 3. ik taraf aap haiN, ik taraf aa’ina
>
>
> > dekhtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>
> >
>
===========================================================================
>
>
> This one is amazing in simplicity of construct and direct approach but the layered meaning cracks a whip as soon as you realize that it rips open your own persona. A monetary shudder pass down your spine.
>
>

is she'r ki saaKht par aap ka Khusoosi ta'assur mere liye baa'is-e-sad-masarrat hai, go k isi mazmoon se milta-julta aek aur she'r bhi zehn meiN aa rahaa hai --- na jaane, kis ka hai ---

chehre meiN hai aa'iina k aa'iine meiN chehra
ma'aloom naheeN, kaun kise dekh rahaa hai?

> Great effort.

No, no, no --- Anil saahib!

Khudaa jhooT na bulvaaye, is Ghazal ki saaKht meiN mujhe ratti-bhar 'effort' bhi naheeN karni paRii! :)

du'aa-go,
Raj Kumar

[Raj Kumar]

On Wednesday, April 3, 2013 4:32:44 AM UTC-7, vij...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Wednesday, 3 April 2013 01:43:47 UTC+1, rpat...@yahoo.com wrote:
>
> > janaab-e-Vijay saahib ki mahabbat-aamez farmaa'ish par, maiN apni aek nayee Ghazal aap sabhi dostoN ki nazr kar rahaa hooN ---
>
>
>
> Raj sahib:
>
>
>
> meri guzaarish qubuul karne pe aap ka bohat shukriia. aur kyaa hii Khuubsoorat ghazal sunaaii hai aap ne.

*** aek ne kahii, duusre ne maanii
dono jaano brahm-gyaanii! :) ***

> Jaisa ki Anil sahib ne farmaya, radiif bohat Khuub lia hai aap ne. radiif laNba ho to sha'ir ko shayad mushkil pesh aati ho chuuN' ki she'r kaa kaafi baRaa hissa to radiif hii meN jazb ho jaata hai. baaqi ke she'r men nisbatan kamtar jagah bachtii hai izhaar-e-taKhayyul ke liie. iske do nataai'j hote haiN; ya to sha'ir behr ko laNba le letaa hai, ya asha'r kii ginatii kam ho jaati hai. is kii aik misaal, jis se merii baat wazeh hotii hai, Ustaad daaG kii voh dil paziir ghazal hai, jiska radiif hai: 'yeh kahaani phir sahii'. is ka behr bhii nisbatan kaafi laNbaa hai aur is ke asha'ar bhii taqriiban tiin-chaar hii haiN. (yeh ain mumkin hai ki asha'ar kaa shumaar ziaadah ho aur is kaa mujhe ilm na ho).

***huzoor, aap ne is radeef ki vus'at aur is baihr ki diqqit par jo ta'assuraat ataa farmaaye haiN, voh sar-aa-sar bajaa haiN. baa-vujood is ke, agar maiN ko'ii 10-12 ash'aar keh paaya hooN to us ki vajah kisi had tak "qaafiye ki faraaGhat" hai! aap agar Ghaur kareN to yahaaN qaafiye dhaRaa-dhaR namuudaar ho rahe haiN, albatta un qaafiyoN ke saath aek rachtaa-bastaa pehla misr'a ghaRnaa be-had mushkil hai!***

maqaam-e-shukr hai k, in haalaat meiN, meri yeh kaavish kisii had tak to kaar-gar rahii! :) ***

> aap ne radiif bhii laNbaa liia hai, behr bhii nisbatan chhoTaa hii raKKha hai aur she'r bhii 13 keh Daale haiN! mere nazdiik to aap ghazal paRhne se pehle hii mubaarakbaad ke haqdaar hai:-)

***shukriya, saahib! ***

> ghazal pe jaane se pehle aik baat aur. Ghulaam Ali ne aik baz'm meN kaha thaa (ki mazaa to jab hai) ki ghazal gaane meN mushkil ho lekin sunane meN lage na! aap kii ghazaleN bhii kucch aisii hii hotii haiN. jasie yeh ghazal, dekhne meN aasaan lgtii hai lekin haqiiqat yeh hai ki ham jaisoN ko is kaa aik she'r kehne meN bhii shayad zamaane lag jaaeN. aur aap ne DhaRaa DhaR 13 she'r keh Daale. bohat Khuub!

***aap naagaah dil chhoTa kar rahe haiN, Vijay saahib. mera to yeh Khayaal hai k agar aap bhi jii-jaan se koshish kareN to is zameen meiN aek achchhi-Khaassi Ghazal keh sakte haiN. zaraa koshish to keejiye, huzoor! :) ***

>
> > 2. DhuuNDtaa kaun hai, yeh to ma’aluum hai
> > laa-pata kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!

> bohat Khuub. wah wah!

***daad ke liye mamnoon hooN, saahib! ***

>
> > 3. ik taraf aap haiN, ik taraf aa’ina
> > dekhtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>
> Anil sahib ne ALUP pe aik laRii shuruu kii thii, aa'ina ke mauzuu pe. mujhe laga thaa ki is unwaan pe jitne bhii asha'r kahe jaa sakte haiN, voh keh diie gae haiN. lekin aap ne aik aur Khuubsuurat nazriia nikaala hai. bohat Khuub!

*** mere is nazriye ko savikaar karne ke liye aap ka baar-am-baar dhanya-vaad, Vijay saahib! is zimn meiN, maiN ne Anil saahib ko aisa hi aek aur she'r bhi sunaaya hai; albatta, ab aap ki Khidmat meiN janaab-e-Hairat Vaarsii ka aek she'r arz kar rahaa hooN jo she'r k maiN ne Khud un ke muNh se ba-tarannum sunaa thaa:

hairat-e-aa'ina huye Hairat
aa'ina ruu ke ruu-ba-ruu kar ke! ***

> > 4. mujh pe riNdii ka ilzaam vaajib, magar
>
> >
>
> > paarsaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
> >
>
> bohat Khuub.
>
>
>
> > 5. be-vafaa maiN hi thaa, be-vafaa maiN hi hooN
>
> >
>
> > baa-vafaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
>
>
> in do asha'ar meN (4 aur 5) agar doosra misraa ba-taur aik 'rhetorical' siwaal liia jaae to she'r aur bhii nikhar aata hai. (shayad aap ne bhii yihii socha ho).
>
> >
>
> > 6. aashnaa’ii ka da’ava to har ik ko hai
>
> >
>
> > aashnaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale

***ash'aar #4 aur 5 par aap ka farmaan bilkul bajaa hai k agar ham unheN "rhetorical" aNdaaz meiN paRheN to ziyaada lutf aaye ga --- albatta, sher #6 par yeh baat laagoo naheeN hoti (because this one, in my opinion, is too personal to be rhetorical)! ***

>
> > 7. yeh to maanaa k meraa ko’ii bhi naheeN!
> > aap kaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!! ;)

***jaa-e-hairat hai k aap ne is she'r ko be-dardi se nazar-aNdaaz kar diya hai, haalaaN-k aek mehfil meiN jahaaN maiN ne yeh Ghazal paRhii thii mujhe maximum daad is she'r par milii thii!

May be, because I had recited the second misr'a of this she'r with a suggestive wink! ;) ***

> > 8. aap ke dil meiN kal tak faqat maiN hi thaa
> > yeh “nayaa” kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>

> bohat acche, janaab. Ustaad Daag ka Khayaal mujhe yeh she'r paRh kar aaya thaa. (tumhaare Khat meN, nayaa ik salaam kis kaa thaa)

***aur mujhe yeh Khayaal aek 'mustanad shaa'ir' ke is she'r se aayaa tha:

mujh se un ki raNg-raliyaaN kyooN na hoN
aadamii un ko PURAANAA chaahiye! ;) ;) ;)***

> > 11. tuu mirii muurtii, maiN pujaarii tiraa!
> > yeh Khudaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!!

> This is so 'typical' qais. Bravo. I think only some can pull off using words like 'pujaarii' 'muurtii' in an Urdu ghazal.

***bajaa farmaaya aap ne, Vijay saahib, --- go k in alfaaz ko aek aek karke maiN pehle bhi barat chukaa hooN. albatta, yeh pehli baar hai k maiN ne in alfaaz ko yak-jaa bartaa hai. voh ash'ar the:

phir AARTII utaaro usii mast-e-naaz kii
saaGhar khanak uTheN jo use gungunaao to!

aur

tere aane ka bharosa to naheeN hai, phir bhii
ik PUJAARII ne diyaa dil ka jalaa rakkhaa hai!

albatta, haaliya sh'er ke duusre misr'e meiN jo fauqiyat maiN ne mehbooba ko Khudaa par di hai, voh fauqiyat bhi to qaabil-e-Ghaur hai! ***

> > 12. mere ash’aar sun kar, zaraa dekhnaa
> > jheNptaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)

> Another good one.

***you could have also said --- another 'typical qais'! :) ***

>
> > 13. log aashiq bhi haiN, log shaa’ir bhi haiN
> > Qais saa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! :)
>
> wah wah!

***shukriya, saahib!***

>
>
>
> Raj sahib, saarii kii saarii ghazal hii bohat acchhi lagii, lekin jin asha'r kii maiN ne nishaan dihii kii hai, voh Khusuusi taur pe acche lage.

***huzoor, aap ne to is Ghazal ke qareeb qareeb har she'r ko sarahaa hai, ab is se ziyaada tavaqqo ko'ii rakkhe bhi to kyaa?

Khair-aNdesh,
Raj Kumar

[Anil Kala]

> is she'r ki saaKht par aap ka Khusoosi ta'assur mere liye baa'is-e-sad-masarrat hai, go k isi mazmoon se milta-julta aek aur she'r bhi zehn meiN aa rahaa hai --- na jaane, kis ka hai ---
>
>
>
> chehre meiN hai aa'iina k aa'iine meiN chehra
>
> ma'aloom naheeN, kaun kise dekh rahaa hai?
>

This is a good example to illustrate how 'aNdaaz e bayaaN' make so much difference. haalaaN k dono she'r ke maane meN jiyaada farg nahiiN hai lekiN asar meN bohat farq aa jaataa hai. while 'chere meiN hai...' sounds cliched the one from Raj Saahib's Ghazal is a real knock out punch. I think the reason is about predictability; 'chehre meiN hai..' has a ring of predictability of what is coming but the other one spins deception and therefore sudden surprise due to phala misra has 'utter ordinariness'.

Just my view.

[vij...@gmail.com]

On Sunday, April 7, 2013 3:15:53 AM UTC+1, Raj Kumar wrote:

>
>
> *** aek ne kahii, duusre ne maanii
>
> dono jaano brahm-gyaanii! :) ***

Raj sahib, I have always known this couplet as:

ik ne kahii, duusre maanii
Naanak dono brahm-gyaanii

The way you have written it, the second 'ne' in the first misra seems to take it out of meter, no?

> > ghazal pe jaane se pehle aik baat aur. Ghulaam Ali ne aik baz'm meN kaha thaa (ki mazaa to jab hai) ki ghazal gaane meN mushkil ho lekin sunane meN lage na! aap kii ghazaleN bhii kucch aisii hii hotii haiN. jasie yeh ghazal, dekhne meN aasaan lgtii hai lekin haqiiqat yeh hai ki ham jaisoN ko is kaa aik she'r kehne meN bhii shayad zamaane lag jaaeN. aur aap ne DhaRaa DhaR 13 she'r keh Daale. bohat Khuub!
>
>
>
> ***aap naagaah dil chhoTa kar rahe haiN, Vijay saahib. mera to yeh Khayaal hai k agar aap bhi jii-jaan se koshish kareN to is zameen meiN aek achchhi-Khaassi Ghazal keh sakte haiN. zaraa koshish to keejiye, huzoor! :) ***
>

aap ko to ma'aluum hii hai Raj sahib, ki maiN ne baar-ha koshish kii hai aur kabhii kabhaar aik aadh she'r ho bhii gaya hai, lekin mujhe nahiiN lagta yeh mujh jaisoN ke bas kii baat hai. voh jaisa ke ik mustanad shaai'r ne kaha hai:

Gazal goii koii mushkil nahiiN par waaqya yeh hai
Gazal goii meN aataa hai kamaal aahista aahistaa:-)

>
> > > 7. yeh to maanaa k meraa ko’ii bhi naheeN!
>
> > > aap kaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!! ;)
>
>
>
> ***jaa-e-hairat hai k aap ne is she'r ko be-dardi se nazar-aNdaaz kar diya hai, haalaaN-k aek mehfil meiN jahaaN maiN ne yeh Ghazal paRhii thii mujhe maximum daad is she'r par milii thii!
>
> May be, because I had recited the second misr'a of this she'r with a suggestive wink! ;) ***
>

Raj sahib, mujhe shaayad is she'r ke sahiih maa'ni samajh meN nahiiN aae. she'r to mujhe acchha laga lekin is meN kucch kaRwaahaT sii lagii. It happens often in lesser people (even countries) that rather than concentrate on their own weaknesses, they start pointing out the deficiencies of the others. (Something psychologists call projection). I took this she'r to mean something like this. That I admit that I have not been successful in my relationships, but who do you have? no one! So there!

Now that you mention that it was so well received, I have a feeling I have misread the she'r. One possibility is: I admit I have no one, but since you left me, you too have not been able to associate with anyone.

Please do tell what you had meant by it.

> ***aur mujhe yeh Khayaal aek 'mustanad shaa'ir' ke is she'r se aayaa tha:
>
>
>
> mujh se un ki raNg-raliyaaN kyooN na hoN
>
> aadamii un ko PURAANAA chaahiye! ;) ;) ;)***
>

wah wah!! yeh she'r to zaruur aap hii kaa hai. bohat Khuub. (agar kisii aur ka hai to unhoN ne Qais ka raNg ba-Khuub pakRaa hai).

> > > 11. tuu mirii muurtii, maiN pujaarii tiraa!
>
> > > yeh Khudaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!!
>
>
>
> > This is so 'typical' qais. Bravo. I think only some can pull off using words like 'pujaarii' 'muurtii' in an Urdu ghazal.
>
>
>
> ***bajaa farmaaya aap ne, Vijay saahib, --- go k in alfaaz ko aek aek karke maiN pehle bhi barat chukaa hooN. albatta, yeh pehli baar hai k maiN ne in alfaaz ko yak-jaa bartaa hai. voh ash'ar the:
>
>
>
> phir AARTII utaaro usii mast-e-naaz kii
>
> saaGhar khanak uTheN jo use gungunaao to!
>
>
>
> aur
>
>
>
> tere aane ka bharosa to naheeN hai, phir bhii
>
> ik PUJAARII ne diyaa dil ka jalaa rakkhaa hai!
>
>
>
> albatta, haaliya sh'er ke duusre misr'e meiN jo fauqiyat maiN ne mehbooba ko Khudaa par di hai, voh fauqiyat bhi to qaabil-e-Ghaur hai! ***
>
>

meraa tabsira (pure 'Qais' waala comment) puure she'r par mabnii thaa, Raj sahib, aur mehboobaa kii fuaqiiat kii Khuda se kii gaii tulnaa mujhe bhii bohat acchii lagii.

>

> > > 12. mere ash’aar sun kar, zaraa dekhnaa
>
> > > jheNptaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! ;)
>
>
>
> > Another good one.
>
>
>
> ***you could have also said --- another 'typical qais'! :) ***

Yes, yes. In more ways than one:-)

>
>
>
> >
>
> > > 13. log aashiq bhi haiN, log shaa’ir bhi haiN
>
> > > Qais saa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale! :)
>
> >
>
> > wah wah!
>
>
>
> ***shukriya, saahib!***
>
> >

With best regards,

Vijay

[Raj Kumar]

[Raj Kumar]

On Wednesday, April 3, 2013 11:15:09 AM UTC-7, Anil Kala wrote:
> >
>
> > > 1. maaNgtaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
> > > Taaltaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale
>
> >
>
>
>

> In bambaiyya zubaan, mangtaa means 'chaahiye' as 'mangtaa hai to bol' they say it with single 'a' not maangtaa... so this she'r offers some more possibilities.

NOT REALLY!

Please forget about those possibilities --- because the word "mangtaa" does not fit as the opening word in this baihr.

SORRY!

Raj Kumar

[Raj Kumar]

On Wednesday, April 3, 2013 4:56:12 PM UTC-7, b_man...@yahoo.com wrote:

> 8. aap ke dil meiN kal tak faqat maiN hi thaa
>     yeh “nayaa” kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!   ;)

> Waa..h! waa...h!!! Bahot Khuub!
>
> Puurii Ghazal par daad-o-mubarakbaad qubuul farmaaiye.
>
> Aap ko Ghazal saraa dekh kar beHad Khushi huii hai.

Janaab-e-BG saahib;

Khaaksaar ki is ma'amooli si Ghazal par aap ki yeh Ghair-ma'amooli daad-o-taihseen baa'is-e-sad-masarrat hai. aur, huzoor, jis she'r par aap ne apni mohr-e-tasdeeq sabt kii hai, voh she'r to jaame meN phoola naheeN samaa rahaa! :)

du'aa-go,
Raj Kumar

[Raj Kumar]

On Sunday, April 7, 2013 2:24:52 PM UTC-7, vij...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Sunday, April 7, 2013 3:15:53 AM UTC+1, Raj Kumar wrote:
>
>
> > *** aek ne kahii, duusre ne maanii
> > dono jaano brahm-gyaanii! :) ***
>
> Raj sahib, I have always known this couplet as:

> ik ne kahii, duusre maanii
> Naanak dono brahm-gyaanii

> The way you have written it, the second 'ne' in the first misra seems to take it out of meter, no?

***huzoor, maiN ne to in jumloN ko usi soorat meiN likh diyaa thaa jis soorat meiN inheN bachpan meiN sunaa thaa --- baGhair yeh soche k in ka ta'alluq 'gurbaani" se hai aur k 'vazn aur baihr' ka itlaaq in par bhi hota hai!

haaN, agar in 'fanni lavaazimaat' ko dhyaan meiN rakkhaa jaaye to aap ka mushaahida yaqeenan bar-haq hai. albatta, agar aek 'casual' sa raviyya iKhtiyaar kiyaa jaye to yeh kehnaa naa-ravaa naheeN hoga k, bil-aaKhir,

shaa'irii naGhmagii ka Tukraa hai
zarb-o-taqseem kaa savaal naheeN! :) ***

> > > ghazal pe jaane se pehle aik baat aur. Ghulaam Ali ne aik baz'm meN kaha thaa (ki mazaa to jab hai) ki ghazal gaane meN mushkil ho lekin sunane meN lage na! aap kii ghazaleN bhii kucch aisii hii hotii haiN. jasie yeh ghazal, dekhne meN aasaan lgtii hai lekin haqiiqat yeh hai ki ham jaisoN ko is kaa aik she'r kehne meN bhii shayad zamaane lag jaaeN. aur aap ne DhaRaa DhaR 13 she'r keh Daale. bohat Khuub!

> > ***aap naagaah dil chhoTa kar rahe haiN, Vijay saahib. mera to yeh Khayaal hai k agar aap bhi jii-jaan se koshish kareN to is zameen meiN aek achchhi-Khaassi Ghazal keh sakte haiN. zaraa koshish to keejiye, huzoor! :) ***

> aap ko to ma'aluum hii hai Raj sahib, ki maiN ne baar-haa koshish kii hai aur kabhii kabhaar aik aadh she'r ho bhii gaya hai, lekin mujhe nahiiN lagta yeh mujh jaisoN ke bas kii baat hai. voh jaisa ke ik mustanad shaai'r ne kaha hai:

> Gazal goii koii mushkil nahiiN par waaqya yeh hai
> Gazal goii meN aataa hai kamaal aahista aahistaa:-)

***huzoor, is she'r meiN to baat 'kamaal-e-fann' ki ho rahi hai, na k fann kii! ;)
aur yahaaN aap par ko'ii Khaas gambhiir farz bhi aa'id naheeN kiyaa jaa rahaa --- faqat aek ma'amooli si Ghazal ki iltejaa kii hai jaisi k Khaaksaar ne kahii hai! :) ***

> > > > 7. yeh to maanaa k meraa ko’ii bhi naheeN!
> > > > aap kaa kaun hai, kuchh pata to chale!!! ;)

> > ***jaa-e-hairat hai k aap ne is she'r ko be-dardi se nazar-aNdaaz kar diya hai, haalaaN-k aek mehfil meiN jahaaN maiN ne yeh Ghazal paRhii thii mujhe maximum daad is she'r par milii thii!

> > May be, because I had recited the second misr'a of this she'r with a suggestive wink! ;) ***

> Raj sahib, mujhe shaayad is she'r ke sahiih maa'ni samajh meN nahiiN aae. she'r to mujhe acchha laga lekin is meN kucch kaRwaahaT sii lagii. It happens often in lesser people (even countries) that rather than concentrate on their own weaknesses, they start pointing out the deficiencies of the others. (Something psychologists call projection). I took this she'r to mean something like this. That I admit that I have not been successful in my relationships, but who do you have? no one! So there!
>
> Now that you mention that it was so well received, I have a feeling I have misread the she'r. One possibility is: I admit I have no one, but since you left me, you too have not been able to associate with anyone.
>
> Please do tell what you had meant by it.

***pehli baat to yeh, Vijay saahib, k yeh kehna be-had mushkil hai k is she'r ka "saheeh" matlab kyaa hai? jo matlab aap ne liye hai, voh bhi bar-haq hai --- go k lutf-aNdoz naheeN hai! :(

albatta, jo matlab mere zehn meiN tha --- aur jo matlab beshtar logoN ke qubool-e-Khaatir hu'aa, voh kuchh aisa tha:

"aap hama-vaqt mujh pe ta'ana-zan haiN k mera is dunyaa meiN ko'i naheeN hai (goyaa, ko'i bhi shaKhs mujhe ghaas tak naheeN Daaltaa). aap ki yeh baat yaqeenan durust hai jab-k, ba-Khlaaf is ke, aap par to har ko'i fidaa hai --- hai na?
agar yeh baat hai to aap ko'i aek-aadh naam to leejiye, taake hameN bhi to pata chale k kaun haiN aap ke 'dil-phaiNk aashiq'!" ;)

I hope you get the message!

du'aa-go,
Raj Kumar***

[vij...@gmail.com]

On Wednesday, 10 April 2013 01:16:03 UTC+1, Raj Kumar wrote:

>
> ***huzoor, maiN ne to in jumloN ko usi soorat meiN likh diyaa thaa jis soorat meiN inheN bachpan meiN sunaa thaa --- baGhair yeh soche k in ka ta'alluq 'gurbaani" se hai aur k 'vazn aur baihr' ka itlaaq in par bhi hota hai!
>
>
>
> haaN, agar in 'fanni lavaazimaat' ko dhyaan meiN rakkhaa jaaye to aap ka mushaahida yaqeenan bar-haq hai. albatta, agar aek 'casual' sa raviyya iKhtiyaar kiyaa jaye to yeh kehnaa naa-ravaa naheeN hoga k, bil-aaKhir,
>
>
>
> shaa'irii naGhmagii ka Tukraa hai
>
> zarb-o-taqseem kaa savaal naheeN! :) ***
>

wah wah!!

One thing Raj sahib. Guru Naanak Dev was a good poet of Panjabi and always followed rules of prosody. He has become somewhat underrated as a poet perhaps because his followers have deified him too much and forgotten his scholarly endeavours. When I was young, most anthologies of Panjabi poetry started with some of his work. I would like to re-post one of his gems. A mere six word couplet with one word being his name. In 5 words he has conveyed the same profound thought for which Zauq used 15:

ghalle aae naanka
sadde uTThe jaae!!

Coming to his mastery of meter, I would like an anecdote from my own school days. In our book, one of his couplet was written with a misprint, thus:

dunya de sabhe nashe uttar jaan parbhaat
naam Khumaarii naankaa, chaRhi raveh din raat

Our teacher, Giani Karam Singh (may he RIP), would correct it because of the obvious error of meter and providing what Guru Naanak had actually written, i.e.

dunya de *sabbhe' nashe.......

Thanks for your detailed response(s)!

In the goodness of time, at a proper juncture, perhaps you could post another fresh ghazal?


Best regards,

Vijay

[Quateel Ahmad]

Mohtaram Janab 'Qais' Sahab,

Aaj pehli baar is group mein aaya hoon, aur yahaan aapko apne kalaam post karta dekh bahot achcha laga... is bahot hi achchi ghazal per saada dil, saada zubaan insaan ki daad qubool farmayein. Ummeed karta hoon ki aainda bhi aap ke kalaam ko yahaan padhne ka sharf haasil hota rahega.

Fan,
Quateel Ahmad

[Balvinder]

On Wednesday, April 3, 2013 6:13:47 AM UTC+5:30, Raj Kumar wrote:

> janaab-e-Vijay saahib ki mahabbat-aamez farmaa'ish par, maiN apni aek nayee Ghazal aap sabhi dostoN ki nazr kar rahaa hooN --- gar qubool uftad!
>
>
>
> du'aa-go,
>
> Raj Kumar "Qais"

"Raj" saahab sat_sri_akal

ummeed hai Khaak_saar kii kuchh dhundalii sii yaad to hogii.

aaj aap kii ye Ghazal dekhii aur sirf waah waah hii nikla zehan se.
Ghazal par baaqii ahbaab ka tabsira kalaam kii puKhtagi kii sanad hai.
tamaam hii ash'aar dil-o-zehan meN utar gaye.
Ghazal par merii jaanib se daad-o-mubaarak_baad qubool farmaaeN.

"Anil" sahab ko jo sher ap ne sunaaya hai vo janaab IftiKhar Imam Siddqui saahab
ka hai...in kii is Ghazal ka matla hai..

is meN koii shkvaa, na shikaayat, na gilaa hai
ye bhee koii Khat hai ke mahabbat se bharaa hai

niyaaz_mand
Balvinder

[rajkum...@gmail.com]

On Monday, May 13, 2013 4:34:42 AM UTC-7, Quateel Ahmad wrote:

>
> Mohtaram Janab 'Qais' Sahab,
>
>
> Aaj pehli baar is group mein aaya hoon, aur yahaan aapko apne kalaam post karta dekh bahot achcha laga... is bahot hi achchi ghazal per saada dil, saada zubaan insaan ki daad qubool farmayein. Ummeed karta hoon ki aainda bhi aap ke kalaam ko yahaan padhne ka sharf haasil hota rahega.

*** janaab-e-Qateel saahib:

maiN bhi aaj is forum par aek muddat ke ba'ad haazir hu'aa hooN aur, yahaaN aate hi, meri nazar aap ke mahabbat-naame par paRii. maiN, aap ki zarra-navaazii aur hausla-afzz'ii ke liye har tarah se shukr-guzaar hooN!

du'aa-go,
Raj Kumar 'Qais'

[Ahmed]

بہت ہی خوب غزل ہے راج کمار قیس صاحب،

بہت سی داد حاضر ہے۔ قبول کیجے۔

[rajkum...@gmail.com]

On Sunday, June 9, 2013 6:06:32 AM UTC-7, Balvinder wrote:


> "Raj" saahab sat_sri_akal>
>
> ummeed hai Khaak_saar kii kuchh dhundalii sii yaad to hogii.

*** yaqeenan hai, Balvinder saahib, aur ziyaada-tar "Mehfil-e-sukhan" ki ba-daulat!

mazeed yeh k aap ki yaad itni dhundali bhi naheeN hai jitni k aap samajh rahe haiN, kiyooN-k in dinoN

apnii yeh kaifiyat hai k mastii bhi, hosh bhii
hai noor bhii dhundalka, dhundalkaa bhi noor hai! ;) ***



> aaj aap kii ye Ghazal dekhii aur sirf waah waah hii nikla zehn se.

>
> Ghazal par baaqii ahbaab ka tabsira kalaam kii puKhtagi kii sanad hai.
>

> tamaam hii ash'aar dil-o-zehn meN utar gaye.

>
> Ghazal par merii jaanib se daad-o-mubaarak_baad qubool farmaaeN.

***Ghazal aap ko pasand aa'ii to yooN samajhiye k meri mehnat bar aa'ii. aap ki is qadr-shinaasi ke ba'ad yaqeeni hai k mere lauh-o-qalam, peeri ke baa-vujood, bar-sar-e-kaar raheN ge! ***

>
> "Anil" sahab ko jo sher ap ne sunaaya hai vo janaab IftiKhar Imam Siddqui saahab
>
> ka hai...in kii is Ghazal ka matla hai..
>
>
>

> is meN koii shikvaa, na shikaayat, na gilaa hai

>
> ye bhee koii Khat hai ke mahabbat se bharaa hai

***in ma'aluumaat ke liye be-had mamnoon hooN, Balvinder saahib. go k maiN is matl'e se bhi vaaqif hooN, magar shaa'ir ka naam mere zehn meiN kabhi bhi naheeN tha, so ab voh kamii bhi puuri ho gayee! :)

Khair-aNdesh,
Raj Kumar

[rajkum...@gmail.com]

On Friday, June 14, 2013 12:07:27 AM UTC-7, Ahmed wrote:

---------------------------

---------------------------


aap ki daad ba-sar-o-chasm, Ahmed saahib!

du'aa-go,
Raj Kumar