aek ghazal ------ ba-rang-e-Firaaq!
rajkp...@my-deja.com
khwaateen-o-hazraat:
shaa'ir-e-jamaal Professor Raghupati Sahai Firaaq Gorakhpuri ki aek
ghazal se tehreek paa kar khaaksaar ne bhi aek ghazal kahi hai, jo aap
sab ki nazr hai. ummeed hai ke yeh ghazal aap ko pasand aaye gi ---
agar poori ghazal naheeN to do-chaar ash'aar hi sahi!
to, leejiye, ghazal haazir hai:
--------------
1. navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
[navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
2. zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
[khiraam = chaal, gait]
3. jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
[aab-o-taab = chamak-damak]
4. adaa-e-naaz ko andaaz-e-dilbari samjhe
fareb aihl-e-muhabbat ne khaaye haiN kya kya!
5. khizaaN ke jaur-o-sitam ki to koi baat naheeN
magar bahaar ne bhi 'gul khilaaye' haiN kya kya!
6. [agla she'r khaas taur se ghaur-talab hai. For those who may not
know, hijaab aana = sharm mehsoos hona]
kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
7. voh teri shokh-nigaahi, voh teri khanda-labi
dil-e-ghareeb pe charke lagaaye haiN kya kya!
[charke lagaana = to inflict wounds]
8. [The term 'khuloos-o-muhabbat' in the next she'r implies a conduct
that is both courteous and loving, while 'gurez-o-faraar' implies a
state of hesitation or running away altogether].
kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
9. kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
10. hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
11. [dastras = pahuNch, access. mazaameeN = plural of mazmoon, topics]
nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
-------------
As usual, questions, comments or calls for clarification are most
welcome.
khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Khursheed Ahmed
Zaroor kisi nakaam mohabbat ka aks nazar aata hai is maiN :-)) Yeh sher
bohat khoobsoorat hai:
> 9. kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
> hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
aur saath saath aap ka shokhiyana andaz ka maqta, jis maiN aap ne khud hi
apna jurm qabool liya, bohat dilchasp tarteeb hai....
> nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
> kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
Faqat,
Khursheed
aye...@my-deja.com
I guess everyone will pick their own favorite shers. here are mine:
navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
brilliant.
jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
Here I like the second misraa very much.
khizaaN ke jaur-o-sitam ki to koi baat naheeN
magar bahaar ne bhi 'gul khilaaye' haiN kya kya!
the juxtaposition ob bahaar and 'gul khiilaaye' is just too good.
kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
a very good sher though my favorite will remain the matlaa.
hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
tab...@my-deja.com
Ek aur Khoobsurat ghazal ke liye shukriya RajKumar Saheb.
As usual I'll pick my favorit ashar and I liked 4 & 5 most other than
matla and maqta. 'gul khilane' ka bahut umda istemal kiya hai aapne.
hum aise saada-luhon ki niyaaz mandi se
butoN ne ki haiN jahaN mein khudaaiyaaN kya kya - Faiz
---
tabassum
In article <8dff8i$12l$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
>
> khwaateen-o-hazraat:
>
> shaa'ir-e-jamaal Professor Raghupati Sahai Firaaq Gorakhpuri ki aek
> ghazal se tehreek paa kar khaaksaar ne bhi aek ghazal kahi hai, jo aap
> sab ki nazr hai. ummeed hai ke yeh ghazal aap ko pasand aaye gi ---
> agar poori ghazal naheeN to do-chaar ash'aar hi sahi!
>
> to, leejiye, ghazal haazir hai:
>
> --------------
>
> 1. navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
> miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
>
> 2. zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
> khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
> [khiraam = chaal, gait]
>
> 3. jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
> nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [aab-o-taab = chamak-damak]
>
> 4. adaa-e-naaz ko andaaz-e-dilbari samjhe
> fareb aihl-e-muhabbat ne khaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 5. khizaaN ke jaur-o-sitam ki to koi baat naheeN
> magar bahaar ne bhi 'gul khilaaye' haiN kya kya!
>
> 6. [agla she'r khaas taur se ghaur-talab hai. For those who may not
> know, hijaab aana = sharm mehsoos hona]
>
> kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
> hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 7. voh teri shokh-nigaahi, voh teri khanda-labi
> dil-e-ghareeb pe charke lagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [charke lagaana = to inflict wounds]
>
> 8. [The term 'khuloos-o-muhabbat' in the next she'r implies a conduct
> that is both courteous and loving, while 'gurez-o-faraar' implies a
> state of hesitation or running away altogether].
>
> kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
> banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 9. kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
> hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 10. hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
> dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 11. [dastras = pahuNch, access. mazaameeN = plural of mazmoon, topics]
>
> nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
> kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> -------------
>
> As usual, questions, comments or calls for clarification are most
> welcome.
>
> khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
>
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Before you buy.
>
--
tabassum
yogesh...@my-deja.com
> agar poori ghazal naheeN to do-chaar ash'aar hi sahi!
>
I liked them all!
But when I tried to find the 'haasl e Gazal sher'- no success. Is it
because they are all so good or is it that none of them reach the
perfection demanded? :-))
I must leave the answer to your discretion. :-)
Thanks for posting a fine Gazal.
Regards,
Yogesh Sethi
**********************************************
bahut talaash thii haasale sher kii lekin
mere zahan ne dhoke khaaye hai.n kya kya :-)
***********************************************
vijay...@my-deja.com
Bohat Khoob, Raj Kumar Sahib, bohat acchhe. Sabhi ashaa'r acchhe haiN.
Haasil-e-ghazal she'r, mere khyal meN, jaise Ayesha ji neN bhi mehsoos
kiya hai, ghazal ka matlaa hai. aik ajiib-o-ghariib sii kafiiat hai is
she'r meN jo ki aik tarah se picchle aik do haftoN ke manzar-e-ALUP
kii tarjumaanii kartii hai. It has a certain sense of immediacy that
makes it all the more impressive. (BTW, Ayesha ji, I am extremely
impressed by your shaairii. It's surpassed only by your sense of
modesty.)
Raj Sahib, my second favorite she'r is the maqta. The kind of playful
self deprecation is reminiscent of an old master.
A comment about the structure. Because of the repetitve radiif, kya
kya, the following ashaa'r, 'construction' ke lihaaj se bohat
Khoobsoorat haiN.
jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
in ashaa'r meN, nazar nazar, banaa banaa aur kahaaN kahaaN ka, kya kya
ke saath, istemaal bohat dilkash hai. Khaas taur par kahaaN kahaaN aur
kya kya to mujhe bohat pasand aaya.
. kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
This above she'r left a vague sense of unease about its construction
that I haven't been able to define clearly. My first snese of unease is
about 'kabhi to'. The second misra is very good indeed and yet, it does
not quite seem to fit with 'kabhi to'. It seems to ask for the opener
to mean 'so many times'. The other sense of unease is about the last
word of first misra. It makes good sense but I did wonder if 'ko' would
be a better fit. As I indicated, these are random thoughts and I offer
these with the greatest of respect and 'ma'azrat' in advance.
With regards,
Vijay Kumar
> khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
aye...@my-deja.com
gayee. kaafi jaanaa sa hai ...
gulonmen rang bhare baad-e-naubahar chale.
ya phir
harek baatpe kahete ho tum ke tu kya hai.
Lekin is ka naam mujhe pataa nahiin. Will someone please let us know?
Vijay saab,...your shaairii. It's surpassed only by your sense of
modesty.
thanks. very kind of you. if you knew what I know about my ignorance,
you would know how justified the 'modesty' is!
A Cassam
bahut khoob ghazal hai. khaas taur par :
zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
Think I will also take you on that 'call for clarification' bit!!
some 'complex' terms beg for meanings:
jaur-o-sitam
khanda-labi
dil-e-hazeeN
In the context of the misra the meaning can be
interpreted/construed....however would appreciate the exact translation.
Cheers!
Abida Sultana
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
> khwaateen-o-hazraat:
>
> shaa'ir-e-jamaal Professor Raghupati Sahai Firaaq Gorakhpuri ki aek
> ghazal se tehreek paa kar khaaksaar ne bhi aek ghazal kahi hai, jo aap
> sab ki nazr hai. ummeed hai ke yeh ghazal aap ko pasand aaye gi ---
> agar poori ghazal naheeN to do-chaar ash'aar hi sahi!
>
> to, leejiye, ghazal haazir hai:
>
> --------------
>
> 1. navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
> miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
>
> 2. zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
> khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
> [khiraam = chaal, gait]
>
> 3. jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
> nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [aab-o-taab = chamak-damak]
>
> 4. adaa-e-naaz ko andaaz-e-dilbari samjhe
> fareb aihl-e-muhabbat ne khaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 5. khizaaN ke jaur-o-sitam ki to koi baat naheeN
> magar bahaar ne bhi 'gul khilaaye' haiN kya kya!
>
> 6. [agla she'r khaas taur se ghaur-talab hai. For those who may not
> know, hijaab aana = sharm mehsoos hona]
>
> kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
> hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 7. voh teri shokh-nigaahi, voh teri khanda-labi
> dil-e-ghareeb pe charke lagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [charke lagaana = to inflict wounds]
>
> 8. [The term 'khuloos-o-muhabbat' in the next she'r implies a conduct
> that is both courteous and loving, while 'gurez-o-faraar' implies a
> state of hesitation or running away altogether].
>
> kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
> banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 9. kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
> hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 10. hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
> dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> 11. [dastras = pahuNch, access. mazaameeN = plural of mazmoon, topics]
>
> nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
> kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> -------------
>
> As usual, questions, comments or calls for clarification are most
> welcome.
>
> khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
>
san...@my-deja.com
aap sab logoN ne mohtaram RajKumar Sahab ki ghazal pe bohat achhchhi
achhchhi aaraa' deeN :-) aur apne apne pasandeedaah shair bhi sunaae ,
ab kuch hamari taraf se bhi sun lijiye , ham ne in ki ghazal ki kuch
halki phulki , tashreeh ki hai :-)
but it is not what you think , it is from a " diffrent point of
view "
aik mukhtalif zaaviye se iss ghazal ko daikhaa gaya hai
kuch alup ka mahol khushgavaar karne ke liye , sab ke chehroN pe
muskuraahat lane ke liye aur RajKumar Sahab se daant khane ke liye :-)
tashreeh paish e khidmat hai
ba andaz e sana :-)
aap ne kuch sunaa ??? :-))
> --------------
>
> 1. navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
> miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
>
vah kiyaa baat hai , nava e dil ki :-)
namaziyoN ko jagaa to diyaa , ab un se kahiye ke namaz bhi paRh laiN
vaqt niklaa ja raha hai ,aur sooraj sar par aa rahaa hai , lekin
RajSahab yeh kaam kuch aasaan nahiN hai
khud Iqbal ne farmayaa hai ke
" masjid to bana di shab bhar maiN ,EemaaN ki haraarat valoN ne
man apna purana papi thaa , barsoN maiN namazi ban na saka "
:-) vese yeh azan ghaliban fajr ki hogi , chooN ke namazi so rahe
haiN , to isi moqe ka aik aur shair hai , ,,,,,,,,'
ma'aafi chahti hooN , iss vaqt kuch yaad nahiN aa rahaa
aur hai bhi ghaliban kuch gustakhanaa saa ;-))
something like
di shab e vasl moaazzan ne azaaN pichle peher
haae -------- ko kiss vaqt Khudaa yaad aayaa ;-))
aap bhi soch lijiye ,aap ki azanoN ne jahaaN namaziyoN ko jagayaa hai
vahaaN kisi dukhi dil ko judaaee ke lamhoN se dochaar to nahiN kar
diyaa .......
doosraa yeh baat bhi clear kar daiN ke azaan moazzan ki hai ke murghai
ki :-)) LOL
isi baat pe aik sachcha vaaqiaa aap ko sunati chalooN
aik dafaa maiN bas maiN safar kar rahi thii , aur vaqiaa hai yeh us
vaqt ka jab ke maiN , lahore maiN ser o tafreeh ki gharz se gaee
thee , chooN ke panjabi se na bald hooN iss liye , sirf sun ke kaam
chalaa leti hooN , javab urdu ya english maiN hi dena paRtaa hai
(majbooran ) , so baat yeh hooee , ke meri saath vali seat pe aik umar
raseedah khatoon aa kar baitheeN , un ke paas aik tokri theee , uss ko
side pe rakhne lageeN , to maiN ne simat ke unhaiN kuch ziyadah jaghaa
faraham karne ki koshish ki , iss par unhoN ne muskuraa ke mujhe
daikhaa aur tokri ki taraf ishaaraa kar ke kehne lageeN " kukRi hai ,
te baang daindee hai " translation is something like this , Murghi hai
magar baang (azan ) deti hai , " to voh bechari use hakim ke paas le
kar ja raheeN theeeN , yeh baat aap se share iss liye kar rahi hooN ke
aap ko pata ho ke aaj kal ki murghiyaaN bhi azan de leti haiN :-))
vese aaj kal ki khavateen bhi mashaallah , baRe baRoN ke chak'ke
chuRvaa deti haiN , door jane ki zaroorat nahiN , aas paas maiN hi
daikh lain ;-))
Allah kare un pe karam aur ziyaadah :-)
aur aap ka ho zor e qalam aur ziyaadah :-)
> 2. zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
> khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
> [khiraam = chaal, gait]
>
RajKumar Sahab
aik personal si baat poochooN , yeh aap ki mehbooba jo haiN , voh koi
bhaari bharkam qisam ki khaatooN haiN kiyaa , ke chalti haiN to ,
zalzalaa aa jataa hai aur aasman dar ke zameen se mil jata hai ...voh
bhi iss tarhaa se ke donoN maiN farq karna mushkil ho jata hai ...
gold fish ke acquarium kaa saara pani uchhal ke baahar aa girta hai aur
bechari gold fish taRap taRap ke kehti hai ke
"khiram e naaz ne fitne uThaae haiN kya kya "
agar na chaltiN aur apni jaghaa pe hi tashreef farmaa rehteeN to behtar
hotaa :-)) LOL
aaj ke liye do shair hi pe iktafaa kar rahi hooN , Inshaallah baad maiN
aap ki baqi ghazal ka tiyaa paanchaa karooN gi :-)
ma'aafi ki khavaast gaar
Sana
In article <8dff8i$12l$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
A Cassam
aap ki to tashreeh paRh kar haNste haNste haal bura ho rahaa hai. Bahut
hi nirala (unique??) hai aap ke mazak ka andaaz.
lagta hai aap ghaaliban Raj Kumar Sahib (aur doosre ALUPers??) ka
reaction dekhne ke baad hi baaqi tashreeh kareiN gi??
ham to kehte haiN ke jald az jald kar hi daaliye . kaheen kisi ne Tok
diya to ham mehroom na reh jaayeiN :-))
Abida Sultana
rajkp...@my-deja.com
A Cassam <aca...@home.com> wrote:
> vah Sanaa Sahiba,
>
> aap ki to tashreeh paRh kar haNste haNste haal bura ho rahaa hai.
> Bahut
> hi niraala (unique??) hai aap ke mazak ka andaaz.
>
> lagta hai aap ghaaliban Raj Kumar Sahib (aur doosre ALUPers??) ka
> reaction dekhne ke baad hi baaqi tashreeh kareiN gi??
Abida Sahiba:
kaun hai yeh laRki jo hamaari ghazal pe aise ulTe-seedhee jumle kas
rahi hai? ham ne to baRe baRe esaatezaa ke deevaanoN meiN se
'mazaameeN churaa kar' aisi jaame' ghazal kahi thi aur yeh 'allhaR
dosheezah' hamaari gahzal ka mazaaq uRaa rahi hai. ab aap hi kahiye
(aur insaaf se kahiye) ke bhalaa koi zee-hosh insaan 'buzurgoN' ke
saath aisa bartaao karta hai? :-))
jahaaN tak mujhe yaad hai, isi naam ki aek khaatoon (koi do baras
pehle) hamaari shaagirdah bani theeN. ham ne unheN qubool kiya to sirf
is liye ke voh kaafi zaheen lagti theeN aur, bhagvaan ki dayaa se,
kisi had tak 'naT-khaT' bhi theeN. magar kise ilm tha ke thoRi hi der
meiN yeh mohtarma hamaare baal nochne lageN gi! :-))
khair, ab inheN seedha karna hi paRe ga. yeh bhi kya yaad kareN gi ke
kisi 'Punjaabi ustaad' se paala paRaa tha! inhoN ne Lahore to dekha
hai, magar abhi tak Amritsar naheeN dekha. LOL
ab maiN inheN Akaal Takht se le kar GhanTa-ghar tak ki sair karaaooN
ga, tab kaheeN jaa kar inheN hosh aaye ga! ROTFL
Now, let me tell you my plan ---- please keep it to yourself
[kiyooN-ke, deevaaroN ke bhi kaan hote haiN]!
in mohtarma ne kisi shaa'ir, ba-naam Adeem-Vadeem, ki ghazal nashr ki
hai. meri lughat meiN, lafz 'adeem' ke kayee ma'ani haiN , jin meiN se
aek ma'ani hai --- not to be found, ya'ani-ke non-existant! is liye,
mujhe to yeh lag rahaa hai ke yeh ghazal khud inheeN ki apni kahi hui
hai, sirf kisi aur ka naam jaR diya hai [taaake, ahaaliyaan-e-ALUP is
tuk-bandi ko nazar-andaaz na kareN]. vaaq'ii, laRki chust hai! LOL
ab maiN yeh karne vaala hooN ke, apni is laRi ki azmat ko bar-qaraar
rakhte huye, maiN is shokh-o-shang haseena ki totaa-chashmi ka javaab
yahaaN naheeN dooN ga, balke vahaaN dooN ga! us laRi meiN, jahaaN inhoN
ne apna kalaam, ba-naam Adeem, chhaapa hai vahaaN jaa kar in ki ghazal
ki mufassil tashreeh karooN ga --- tab inheN pataa chale ga ke,
kaargaah-e-hayaat meiN, kis bhaao bikti hai! LOL
The truth is that, by issuing this warning, I am already feeling much
lighter than before. But I have no doubt that tomorrow I'll feel even
lighter! :-))
Amit Malhotra
:-)) Bahut Khoob.... every time I read anything written by you, I know why I
respect your poetry so much.
Shukriyaa.
I have to agree with a few others, the matlaa is really beautiful.
Sincerely,
Amit Malhotra
kaamraan
As I have conveyed you through personal emails, I liked your
GHazal ! Lot of words were 'new' to me. And then I did what
I always do ... Go to Nitaji's page looking for meanings. Lately
it has 'also' become a Urdu dictionary for me :-) Thank You
Nitaji.
> navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
> miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
>
Nita's site has azaaN as 'call for prayer' ? What is 'baaNg' ?
> 4. adaa-e-naaz ko andaaz-e-dilbari samjhe
> fareb aihl-e-muhabbat ne khaaye haiN kya kya!
>
My favorite sher, ofcourse !
>
> kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
> hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
>
Good one !
> 7. voh teri shokh-nigaahi, voh teri khanda-labi
> dil-e-ghareeb pe charke lagaaye haiN kya kya!
> [charke lagaana = to inflict wounds]
>
Again, what is khanda-labi ?
> 8. [The term 'khuloos-o-muhabbat' in the next she'r implies a
conduct that is both courteous and
> loving, while 'gurez-o-faraar' implies a state of hesitation or
running away altogether].
>
> kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
> banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
>
The repetition of 'banaa' gives it a greater punch IMHO.
'banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!' -> quite
impressive !
>
> 10. hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
> dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
>
dil-e-hazeeN ?
kaamraan
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network *
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has...@my-deja.com
> [navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
________________________________________________________________________
I HAVE A STROOOOOOOOOOONG PERSONAL OBJECTION TO THE TRANSLATION OF THE
WORD "AZAAn=BAAnG"!
"azaaN" kaa lafZ 'AALAM-E-ISLAAM MAYn EIK KhAAs AHMIIYAT AUR
KIBRIIYAAII RAKHTAA HAI! ISKO EIK hAQIIR LAFz SAY TARJUMAH
KARNAA "TAUHIIn" KAY BRABAR HAI!
KYAA "AZAAn" KO "MURGhAY KII BAAnG" SAY MO'tASHAABEH KAR SAKTAY HAIn.
AGAR AAP ISII 'tARAH TARJUMAH KARTAY RAHAY TO YEH EIK FIRQAY KAY LIYE
DIL-AAZAARII KAA SABAB BAN JAAYEGAA!
I think YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO ALL FOR THIS!
"AZAAn" KAA sAhIIh MATLAB HAI "A CALL FOR PRAYER FOR THE FAITHFUL"!
mujhay be-Had 'ta'ajjub hai ki abhii tak kisii aur nay kyuuN nahiiN yeh
baat kahii! kyaa is mayN bhii POLITICS apnaanii paRaygii!
faqat kHaadim-e-Urdu,
Hashmat
rajkp...@my-deja.com
In article <Pine.HPX.4.21.0004171424180.25697-
100...@fhs.csu.McMaster.CA>,
Khursheed Ahmed <ah...@fhs.csu.McMaster.CA> wrote:
> Bohat khoob, Rajkumar Saheb, bohat haseen ghazal likhi hai aap ne.
> Zaroor kisi naakaam mohabbat ka aks nazar aata hai is maiN :-))
ghazal pasand farmaane ka shukriya, Khursheed Sahib. aur agar aap ko
kaheeN kaheeN 'naakaam muhabbat' ke aasaar nazar aaye haiN to, huzoor,
un aasaar ko meri 'zaati zindagi' ka juzv mat samjhiye ga! :-))
voh is liye ke shaa'ir jab baat karta hai to sirf apni hi naheeN balke
saare jahaan ki baat karta hai! ba-qaul-e-Firaaq,
[gosh-bar-aavaaz = aisi kaifiat jis meiN ham kisi ki 'aavaaz par kaan
lagaa kar' baiThe hoN]. she'r mulaahiza ho:
shaam hi se gosh-bar-aavaaz hai bazm-e-sukhan
kuchh Firaaq apni sunaao, kuchh zamaane ki kaho!
> Yeh sher bohat khoobsoorat hai:
>
> > 9. kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
> > hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
Vijay Kumar Sahib ne is she'r se muta'alliq kuchh baateN poochhi haiN.
maiN jab un ke khat ka javaab dooN ga to is she'r par tabsara karooN
ga. aap bhi paRhiye ga!
> aur saath saath aap ka shokhiyana andaz ka maqta, jis maiN aap ne
> khud hi
> apna jurm qabool kar liya, bohat dilchasp tarteeb hai....
>
> > nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
> > kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
is she'r ke do pehloo haiN. jis pehloo ki taraf aap ne ishaara kiya hai
voh muqaabiltan straightforward hai aur qadre shokh bhi hai. isi pehloo
ko aap ne "iqbaal-e-jurm" kahaa hai aur Vijay Sahib ne "a playful
deprecation of oneself in the style of an old master " kahaa hai. aap
donoN ke farmaan sar-aaNkhoN par. However, this way of looking at this
she'r is based on the literal meaning of the phrase
'mazaameeN churaana', i.e., 'stealing topics' from here and there,
possibly from the writings of the previous masters!. This point of view
is fun enough --- kiyooN-ke, 'asli chor' to is tarah, sar-e-aam,
iqbaal-e-jurm naheeN karte; sirf 'esaatiza' hi aisa tarz-e-kalaam
iste'maal karte haiN --- and that too with great effect! :-))
magar is she'r ka aek aur pehloo bhi hai, jo bahut kam logoN ke zehn
meiN aaya hoga. us pehloo meiN, lafz 'churaane' ka matlab 'stealing'
naheeN hai, 'picking up' hai! goya, shaa'ir ki nigaah aek 'kamand' hai.
jaise 'chor log' kamand Daal kar chhatoN par chaRh jaate haiN aur apne
matlab ki cheezeN uRaa le jaate haiN, aise hi shaa'ir apni nigaah ki
kamand jagah jagah Daalta hai aur tarah tarah ke mazaameen le bhaagta
hai! How about that?
Furthermore, yeh kamand duniya ke goshe goshe meiN Daali jaa sakti hai
aur, aisa karne se, zindagi ke har sho'be ke raaz faraaham kiye ja
sakte haiN!
Now you see how appropriate the word 'dastras' is!
When I composed the maqta', I was basically thinking along the lines of
the latter view. As soon as it fell in place, I readily saw the other,
more literal, view emerging as well. That made the she'r even more
charming, as your comments seem to indicate.
I am glad that I used this opportunity to give my own comments on at
least one she'r of this ghazal --- before Sanaa Saahiba jumps in with
her (goofy) version! :-))
khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
has...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com
aye...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Congratulations, Raj saab.
> I guess everyone will pick their own favorite shers. here are mine:
> navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
> miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
> Is sher kii to ham pahele hi daad de chuke hain. Its brilliant, simply
> brilliant.
daad-dihi ka shukriya, Ayesha ji. vaaq'ii, is ghazal ka matla' to
har-kas-o-naa-kas ko pasand aaya hai. albatta, aap ko kuchh ziyaada hi
achhchha lagaa hai!
vaise, aap ke ilaava kuchh aur dostoN ne bhi ise haasil-e-ghazal
Thaihraaya hai, jis ka matlab to yeh hua ke matle ke ba'ad ----
the ghazal has gone simply downhill! :-(
> jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
> nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> Here I like the second misraa very much.
I am not surprised at your reaction to the second misra' --- kiyooN-ke,
yahaaN par "dekhne vaaloN ki nazar ki achhchhi-khaassi personification
ki gayee hai --- aur phir har nazar ke laRkhaRaane ka aalam"!
aap to shaa'ira haiN; is kaifiyat ko ba-khoobi samajh sakti haiN.
vaise, is she'r ka pehla misra' originally kuchh yooN tha
jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab ke sadqe
which would have been so Firaaq-like. I don't know why but, just while
posting it, I changed it a little bit. Now, would you (or anyone else)
tell me which version is better?
> khizaaN ke jaur-o-sitam ki to koi baat naheeN
> magar bahaar ne bhi 'gul khilaaye' haiN kya kya!
>
> the juxtaposition of 'bahaar' and 'gul khilaaye' is just too good.
I wouldn't quarrel with you on that! In fact, this is precisely the
reason that almost everyone liked this she'r a lot. But I must tell you
that it took me only ten minutes to compose this one, whereas some
ash'aar took as much as two hours a piece!
I really wonder if any other poet has said the same (or a similar)
thing about 'bahaar'. This satirical use of the phrase 'gul khilaana'
for the very season that is so much credited for bringing blossoms to
our gardens seems so obvious to me --- at least now. I strongly feel
that someone before me must have said something to the same effect, but
somehow I haven't seen it!
> kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
> hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
>
> a very good sher, though my favorite will remain the matlaa.
aap to matle pe buri tarah fidaa huyee huyee haiN, phir bhi shukr hai
ke aap ne is she'r ko bhi achhchha samjha. I personally like it a lot.
dekhiye, kisi aashiq ke tasavvur ki 'bad-tameezi' ka is se behtar
eiteraaf aur kya hoga? :-))
magar aek baat khaas taur se aham hai, voh yeh ke chooN-ke is aashiq ka
tasavvur apne aap par, kayee tarah se, naadim ho rahaa hai, is se
kam-az-kam yeh nateeja to nikalta hai ke yeh aashiq, basically, suljhaa
hua hai! :-))
> hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
> dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
yaqeen jaaniye, is she'r pe bahut mehnat paRi thi; is liye, shukr hai
ke yeh she'r kisi ko to pasand aaya! aaye din, tamaanaaoN ka khoon hona
aur umeedoN ka halaak hona --- what a sequence of funerals this heart
of mine had to bear!
Well, thank you for your comments, Ayesha ji, but please let me end my
note with a friendly complaint.........voh yeh ke jab ham aap ki ghazal
par tanqeed karte haiN to kaaghaz pe kaaghaz siyaah kar dete haiN. aur
jab aap hamaari gahzal par raaye-zani karti haiN to hameN do-chaar
jumlon hi meiN Tarkhaa deti haiN. ab aap hi kahiye (aur insaaf se
kahiye) ke yeh bhalaa "kahaaN ka insaaf hai"? :-))
rajkp...@my-deja.com
In article <8dg8rn$u3u$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
tab...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
> Ek aur Khoobsurat ghazal ke liye shukriya, RajKumar Saheb.
>
> As usual I'll pick my favorite ashar; I liked 4 & 5 most, other than
> matla and maqta. 'gul khilane' ka bahut umda istemal kiya hai aapne.
Tabassum ji: sadaa khush raho aur mutabassim nazar aao!
ghazal pasand farmaane ka, aur apne favourite ash'aar se aagaah karne
ka, bahut bahut shukriya!
maiN aap ke pasandeeda ash'aar meiN se teen (ya'ani, # 1, 5 aur 11) par
thoRa-bahut tabsara apne pichhle do khatoN meiN kar chukaa hooN; ab
do-aek baateN # 4 par kahe deta hooN. she'r hai:
adaa-e-naaz ko andaaz-e-dilbari samjhe
fareb aihl-e-muhabbat ne khaaye haiN kya kya!
pehli baat to yeh ke, aap ke ilaava, Hassan Kaamraan Sahib aur Amit
Malhotra Sahib ne bhi (via direct e-mail) is she'r ki saraahana ki hai.
jahaaN tak is she'r ki saakht (= construction, for those who may not
know this word) ka ta'alluq hai, aap note keejiye ga ke is ghazal ki
radeef kuchh aisi hai ke yahaaN 'fareb khaane' ka zikr to aana hi tha!
is liye, doosra misra' to jhaT se ho gayaa tha, magar pehle misre ne
kaafi mehnat li!
maiN chaahata tha ke, pehle misre meiN, ba-jaaye do-teen cheezoN ke,
sirf aek hi cheez ka zikr kiya jaaye to behtar rahe ga. magar cheez
aisi Thos aur jaan-daar ho ke radeef 'kya kya' se achhchhi tarah bhiR
sake. aakhir, 'adaa-e-naaz' aur 'andaaz-e-dilbari' --- in do tarkeeboN
ki aamad se, baat kuchh ban hi gayee! :-))
Amit Sahib ne kahaa hai ke unhoN ne aisa hi khayaal Saahir L. ke kalaam
meiN bhi kaheeN dekha hai. My response is --- no wonder!
voh is liye ke, agar ghaur se dekha jaaye to, is khayaal meiN koi khaas
nudrat naheeN hai; magar, haaN, tarz-e-bayaaN kisi had tak judaa-gaana
zaroor hai!
> hum aise saada-luhon ki niyaaz mandi se
> butoN ne ki haiN jahaN mein khudaaiyaaN kya kya - Faiz
Faiz Sahib ka she'r quote karne ka shukriya; bahut achhchha she'r hai.
Of course, vuhi maze-daar radeef hai, magar qaafiya mukhtalif hai. kya
aap mujhe is baat ki talqeen to naheeN kar raheeN ke maiN ab isi zameen
ko, is naye qaafiye ke saath, bartooN aur phir naye sire se
taba'-aazmaai karne lagooN? :-))
magar aek baat is she'r ki zaraa khaTki hai! voh yeh ke, yahaaN par,
Faiz Sahib ne 'saada-lauhoN' ko 'saada-luhoN' baaNdha hai ---
goya, 'lauh' ko sukeR kar 'luh' kar diya hai. This doesn't seem right
to me. Any comment?
For comparison, here is Faraaz using the same word (though in singular):
har husn-e-saada-lauh na dil meiN utar sakaa
kuchh to mizaaj-e-yaar meiN gehraaiyaaN bhi hoN!
And even Faiz elsewhere says:
ham parvarish-e-lauh-o-qalam karte raheN ge
jo dil pe guzarti hai, raqam karte raheN ge!
Please don't take it seriously: this was just an aside. It didn't
diminish, in any way, my deep appreciation for your comments on my
ghazal! :-))
tab...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
Raj Kumar Sahbe tafseeli jawab ka shukriya.
Haan 'adaa-e-naaz' wale sher ka andaaz-e-byaan umda hai. Phir ghazal (
aur ishqiya ghazal) mein naye mauzu aur nayi baat kam hi kahi jaati,
asal lutf to tarz-e-byaan ka hi hota aur usme aap maahir hain.
Faiz ka sher quote karne ki sirf yeh wajha thi keh aapki ghazal padhte
hi mujhe Faiz Saheb ki likhi yeh ghazal yaad aa gayi, waise agar aap is
qaafiye mein tab'a aazmaayi karlen to koi harj nahi hai :-):-)
Saada luhon wali aapki sahi hai, amooman is lafz ka aisa istmeal nahi
dekha, magar Faiz aur Firaq Saheb jaise shair jab is tarah ki istelahen
istemal karen to woh zaban ka hissa ban jaate hain.
-tabassum
>
> In article <8dg8rn$u3u$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
rajkp...@my-deja.com
yogesh...@my-deja.com wrote:
> In article <8dff8i$12l$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
> >
> > khwaateen-o-hazraat:
> >
> > ... ummeed hai ke yeh ghazal aap ko pasand aaye gi ---
> > agar poori ghazal naheeN to do-chaar ash'aar hi sahi!
> >
>
> I liked them all!
>
> But when I tried to find the 'haasil e Gazal sher'- no success. Is it
> because they are all so good or is it that none of them reaches the
> perfection demanded? :-))
Both of above, Yogesh ji! :-))
I think all the 11 ash'aar in this gahzal are equally good ---
but none of them is so much better than the others as to qualify for
being 'haasil-e-ghazal'! LOL
> I must leave the answer to your discretion. :-)
No, no, no! Please don't leave the answer to my discretion. You must
decide it for yourself. In any case, don't consult Sanaa Sahiba on this!
agar aap un se poochheN ge ke is ghazal mein kaun sa she'r
haasil-e-ghazal hai to voh yaqeenan yihi kaheN gi ke
"bhaai jaan! kya baat karte haiN aap? is ghazal ka haasil-e-ghazal
she'r to abhi likhne ko hai"! LOL
> Thanks for posting a fine Gazal.
bahut bahut shukriya aap ka.
> **********************************************
> bahut talaash thii haasil-e-Gazal sher kii lekin
> mere zahan ne dhoke khaaye hai.n kya kya :-)
> ***********************************************
How about this one instead, Yogesh ji?
yeh kaise she'r, miyaaN Qais, keh diye tu ne?
Yogesh bhaai ke chhakke chhuRaaye haiN kya kya! ROTFL
With fondest regards, Raj Kumar
aye...@my-deja.com
I am back.(When I say that, most people say,"thanks for the warning.")
1,
jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
vaise, is she'r ka pehla misra' originally kuchh yooN tha
jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab ke sadqe
>
> which would have been so Firaaq-like. I don't know why but, just while
> posting it, I changed it a little bit. Now, would you (or anyone else)
> tell me which version is better?
I say 'kya kahiiya' is better. you did the ight thing. for one thing,
it it more RajKumar-like tand less Firaak-like.
2,
> Well, thank you for your comments, Ayesha ji, but please let me end my
> note with a friendly complaint.........voh yeh ke jab ham aap ki
ghazal par tanqeed karte haiN to kaaghaz pe kaaghaz siyaah kar dete
haiN. aur jab aap hamaari gahzal par raaye-zani karti haiN to hameN do-
chaar jumlon hi meiN Tarkhaa deti haiN. ab aap hi kahiye (aur insaaf se
kahiye) ke yeh bhalaa "kahaaN ka insaaf hai"?
yeh to wahii beet huyee ke 'unko yeh shikaayat hai ke ham kuchh nahin
kahete'
Aapka badappan hai jo aap 'friendly complaint' kar rahe hein. varnaa
aap to hamaare ustaad hein! Someone once told me not to make excuses as
friends don't need them and enemies don't believe them. Lekin I will
tell you exactly why I don't write kaaghaz pe kaaghaz! I can not! As
some wise person has said, 'It is better to keep quiet and let people
think you don't know much than to speak and confirm their doubts.' If I
could write longer posts, I would.
waise, aap ne jo hamaari ghazal pe apni critique likhi thi usko ham
ne 'do baaten' kahe diyaa tha. is ke liye maafi chahtii hoon. hua yun
tha ki(and once again I know you - being the feirndly ustaad that you
are - don't need this) woh post deja par do ya teen hisson men aayee
thi. i read the first part and for some reason took it for the whole
post. So when you asked how I liked the maqtaa, I thought 'what maqtaa?'
Only last week did I have the sense to pull the post again from
archives and read the whole post. I will write a response to that soon.
Aur haan, the maqtaa is great.
koi apnaa nahiin zamaane men,
ayesha yeh bhi kyaa zamaane heiN.
I will include that as a sher in the ghazal but will write another
maqtaa. zamaane men koi apnaa ho na ho, kam-sa-kam maqtaa to khud apnaa
honaa chaahiye.
aisa nahiin honaa chaahiye ke ustaadon ke likhe likhaaye sher par apna
naam lagaa ka rakh diyaa! woh to Anand Bakshi waali baat ho gayee.
rajkp...@my-deja.com
vijay...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Bohat Khoob, Raj Kumar Sahib, bohat acchhe. Sabhi ashaa'r acchhe haiN.
> Haasil-e-ghazal she'r, mere khyal meN, jaise Ayesha ji neN bhi mehsoos
> kiya hai, ghazal ka matlaa hai. aik ajiib-o-ghariib sii kafiiat hai is
> she'r meN jo ki aik tarah se picchle aik do haftoN ke manzar-e-ALUP
> kii tarjumaanii kartii hai. It has a certain sense of immediacy that
> makes it all the more impressive.
Thank you, Vijay Sahib, for all the kind words you have said about this
ghazal and about its matla. I am especially grateful for the comments
you have made and the questions you have raised on the various ash'aar
of this ghazal, to which I respond with delight.
> Raj Sahib, my second favorite she'r is the maqta. The kind of playful
> self deprecation is reminiscent of an old master.
I am certainly pleased to hear that, but you will have noticed that, in
my response to Khursheed Sahib, I have already made rather detailed
comments on the maqta of this ghazal --- especially on the point of
view of regarding nigaah-e-shaa'ir as a 'kamand'. I hope you found
those comments entertaining, and perhaps enlightening too!
> A comment about the structure. Because of the repetitve radiif, kya
> kya, the following ashaa'r, 'construction' ke lihaaz se bohat
> Khoobsoorat haiN.
>
> jamaal-e-yaar! tiri aab-o-taab kya kahiye?
> nazar nazar ke qadam Dagmagaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
> banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> nigaah-e-Qais! tiri dastras ko maan gaye
> kahaaN kahaaN se mazaameeN churaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> in ashaa'r meN, nazar nazar, banaa banaa aur kahaaN kahaaN ka, kya kya
> ke saath, istemaal bohat dilkash hai. Khaas taur par kahaaN kahaaN aur
> kya kya to mujhe bohat pasand aaya.
I agree with you in toto! The radeef 'kya kya' is so attractive
precisely for the reason you have mentioned ---- I hope you remember
that, when I first posted the matla of this ghazal by itself, Ayesha
Sahiba rseponded by saying ke
"is she'r ke radeef aur qaafiya to jaise savaar ho gaye the hamaare sar
par". The reason for this magic is precisely the 'takraar' of the
word 'kya'!
And when a similar 'takraar' shows up in the beginning of the misra as
well, the overall effect gets (at least) doubled!
Now, why 'kahaaN kahaaN' goes even farther than other such pairs of
words must be due to the fact that it has the same acoustical tone
as 'kya kya' has!
In any case, you can rest assured that, for me, it was sheer fun to
work on this ghazal!!!
> . kabhi to dekh ke meri tabaah-haali par
> hayaat-o-maut ne aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> This above she'r left a vague sense of unease about its construction
> that I haven't been able to define clearly. My first snese of unease
> is
> about 'kabhi to'. The second misra is very good indeed and yet, it
> does
> not quite seem to fit with 'kabhi to'. It seems to ask for the opener
> to mean 'so many times'. The other sense of unease is about the last
> word of first misra. It makes good sense but I did wonder if 'ko'
> would
> be a better fit. As I indicated, these are random thoughts and I offer
> these with the greatest of respect and 'ma'azrat' in advance.
I think all these concerns arose from a little mis-reading of this
she'r. You presumably missed the word 'ke' in the first misra; that
hypothesis explains all the concerns you have raised. The actual she'r
may be paraphrased like this:
(tu) kabhi to dekh ke "meri tabaah-haali par, hayaat-o-maut ne kya kya
aaNsoo bahaaye haiN".
I am sure that you are already convinced that everything in this she'r
is O.K. However, I wanted to say something more about this she'r in my
letter to Khursheed Sahib but postponed doing so till I wrote to you.
[By now, you must have realized that, as far as possible, I respond to
various letters in their order of arrival].
Now, regarding this she'r, I have to bring up a remarkably beautiful
she'r by Ustaad Daagh; farmaate haiN
maseeha ne tire beemaar ko dekha to farmaaya
"na yeh jeene ke laa'iq hai, na yeh marne ke qaabil hai"
This remarkably beautiful she'r gave me the cue that resulted in the
she'r under discussion. The scenario is this:
aashiq ki tabaah-haali ka yeh aalam hai ke 'zindagi' us ki haalat
sudhaarna chaahati hai magar use koi chaara nazar naheeN aata. nateeja
yeh ke 'zindagi' is aashiq ki haalat par aaNsoo bahaati hai. On the
other hand, 'maut' use apni god meiN lena chaahati hai magar ise is
qaabil hi naheeN samajhti; ab voh bhi, az-rah-e-hamdardi, is bad-qismat
ki haalat par aaNsoo bahaati hai. aur yeh silsila musalsal chal rahaa
hai --- magar is aashiq ki (kaThor-dil) mehbooba is silsile se
be-niyaaz hai. mere she'r meiN, aashiq apni (kaThor-dil) mehbooba se
keh rahaa hai ke tu "kabhi to dekh ke -------------".
I have a feeling that, after this explanation, more people will enjoy
this she'r even better.
aur, Khursheed Sahib, yeh mat samajhiye ga ke aise tajrubaat khaaksaar
ki zaati zindagi ka juzv haiN. Not at all; in fact, far from it! :-))
khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
yogesh...@my-deja.com
> ...
> I think all the 11 ash'aar in this gahzal are equally good ---
> but none of them is so much better than the others as to qualify for
> being 'haasil-e-ghazal'! LOL
>
This was not my first impression!
I had picked sher #2, as haasl-e-Gazal.
2. zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
The first misra is reminiscent of the line: 'jab tum chalo, zamii.n
chale, aasmaa.n chale'. In the second line the metaphor 'khiraam-e-naaz
ne fitne uThaaye hai.n' is brilliant.
But, as I started to write the post, the striking similarity to the
Firaaq's original sher jumped at me. I realized that you had neglected
to modify the second misra. Here is the one from gul-e-naamaa:
kahii.n chiraaG kahii.n gul kahii.n dil-e-barbaad
khiraam-e-naaz ne fitane uThaaye hai.n kya kya
I am sure that it was an innocent oversight. But let me ask: is it
permissible to incorporate, a whole misra in the Gazal, without adequate
attribution?
I waited for some else to point out this blooper but so far no one has
picked it up :-)
> > **********************************************
> > bahut talaash thii haasil-e-Gazal sher kii lekin
> > mere zahan ne dhoke khaaye hai.n kya kya :-)
> > ***********************************************
>
> How about this one instead, Yogesh ji?
>
No, no Raj saahib, yuu.n suuraj ko chiraaG dikhaanaa hamaarii niyaabat
nahii.n. ham aap kii umdaah tashriih ko jannte hain, lekin ye baat
nahii.n chale gii :-)
>
> yeh kaise she'r, miyaaN Qais, keh diye tu ne?
> Yogesh bhaai ke chhakke chhuRaaye haiN kya kya! ROTFL
>
Thiik hai, ab hamaara javaab be dekhiye:
Qais, terii is harf-yaabii ko kyaa kahiye
ham se kya, tamaam aluup ko bhatkaaye hai kya kya :-)
Regards
Yogesh Sethi
rajkp...@my-deja.com
yogesh...@my-deja.com wrote:
> rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
> > ...
> > I think all the 11 ash'aar in this gahzal are equally good ---
> > but none of them is so much better than the others as to qualify for
> > being 'haasil-e-ghazal'! LOL
> >
>
> This was not my first impression!
>
> I had picked sher #2, as haasl-e-Gazal.
>
> 2. zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
> khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
>
> The first misra is reminiscent of the line: 'jab tum chalo, zamii.n
> chale, aasmaa.n chale'. In the second line the metaphor 'khiraam-e-
naaz
> ne fitne uThaaye hai.n' is brilliant.
>
> But, as I started to write the post, the striking similarity to the
> Firaaq's original sher jumped at me. I realized that you had neglected
> to modify the second misra. Here is the one from gul-e-naamaa:
>
> kahii.n chiraaG kahii.n gul kahii.n dil-e-barbaad
> khiraam-e-naaz ne fitane uThaaye hai.n kya kya
>
> I am sure that it was an innocent oversight. But let me ask: is it
> permissible to incorporate, a whole misra in the Gazal, without
adequate
> attribution?
Yogesh Sahib:
Thank you so much for bringing this terrible 'blooper' to my attention.
It was totally unintended, and will have to be properly addressed.
First, a word of explanation. I originally had only 7 ash'aar in this
ghazal. When calls came for me to post it, I decided to work on it a
little further and, if possible, add a few more ash'aar to it. I
composed 4 more, including this one, away from home at Minneapolis,
Minnesota, where I had gone to attend a scientific meeting in March.
Contrary to my usual practice, I didn't check them against the original
(which I should have done after returning from the meeting).
So, this is one those rare 'overlaps' that do sometimes happen. In
fact, I clearly remember that the first draft of this misra was
khiraam-e-naaz ne jaadoo jagaaye haiN kya kya!
But then I felt that the first misra was much stronger than this; I,
therefore, changed 'jaadoo jagaaye' to 'fitne uThaaye' --- making the
two misras equally strong. I never realized that this misra was already
present in the original. What a 'blooper'! :-((
Now, there are three possible choices:
1. Drop this she'r altogether.
2. Since the first misra is pretty good, create a brand new second
misra.
3. Leave the she'r as it is, but enclose the second misra in
"quotation marks" --- signifying the fact that it is borrowed from the
original. This is quite a legitimate practice, provided that
(i) it is done only infrequently, and
(ii) the new she'r is worthy enough to justify the 'debt'.
I am inclined to follow the last route if, and only if, the line
"zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa"
goes much better with the second misra than does the line
"kaheeN chiraagh, kaheeN gul, kaheeN dil-e-barbaad".
I have a feeling, it does. After all, yahaaN par 'fitne uThaane' ki
baat ho rahi hai; the first misra must properly reflect that!
What do you think?
If I receive your approval, I'll follow this choice. Otherwise, I'll
have to resort to the first or the second choice indicated above.
I'll be comfortable either way!
khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
yogesh...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
>Thank you so much for bringing this terrible 'blooper' to my attention.
>It was totally unintended, and will have to be properly addressed.
No problem! You seldom give us a chance to offer a correction :-))
>Now, there are three possible choices:
> ...
I vote for the second choice. If you could write ten and one half
couplets, so well, you can certainly cope with the remaining half.:-)
Looking forward to a new 'haasl-e-Gazal'
Regards,
Yogesh Sethi
rajkp...@my-deja.com
A Cassam <aca...@home.com> wrote:
> Raj Kumar Sahib,
>
> bahut khoob ghazal hai. khaas taur par :
>
> zameeN zameeN na rahi aur falak falak na rahaa
> khiraam-e-naaz ne fitne uThaaye haiN kya kya!
Abida Sahiba:
ghazal pasand farmaane ka shukriya, magar mandarja-baala she'r
to 'blooper' nikla! ab, Yogesh Sahib ki salaah ko maante huye, maiN is
she'r ka sirf pehla misra hi ghazal meiN rakhkhooN ga aur doosre misre
ki bajaye aek nayaa misra takhleeq karooN ga. tab tak ke liye, is she'r
ko bhool jaaiye!
khair, itna to hua ke yeh she'r, jaate-jaate, Sanaa Sahiba se maar-peeT
to khaa hi gayaa! vaise, agar yeh she'r ghazal meiN na hota to kisi aur
she'r ki shaamat aati! :-((
magar aek baat hai, Abida ji, --- voh yeh ke Sanaa Sahiba meri 'khaali
dhamki' sun kar kuchh Dar si gayee haiN, jo dobaara idhar ka rukh karne
ki himmat naheeN hui! haalaaN-ke, meri ghazal ke sabhi ash'aar duhaai
de rahe haiN ke "voh aayeN aur, yake-ba'ad-deegare, in sab ki maar-peeT
kareN". in be-chaaroN ko yeh naheeN ma'aloom ke voh mohtarma to, Dar ke
maare, kisi kone meiN dabki baiThi haiN!!! LOL
> Think I will also take you on that 'call for clarification' bit!!
>
> some 'complex' terms beg for meanings:
>
> jaur-o-sitam
jaur, jafaa, zulm, sitam ---- all these words mean essentially the same
thing. The combinations more commonly used are: jaur-o-jafaa, jaur-o-
sitam and zulm-o-sitam.
> khanda-labi
khanda-labi describes a state in which one's lips adorn a smile or a
(mild) laughter.......somewhere between 'hansi' and 'muskuraahaT'.
> dil-e-hazeeN
dil-e-hazeeN means a heart that is 'gham-geen' or 'gham-zadaah'.....
as in
"yaad na kar, dil-e-hazeeN!, bhooli hui kahaaniyaaN".
I hope this helps.
khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
rajkp...@my-deja.com
kaamraan <kaamraan...@hotmail.com.invalid> wrote:
> Pathria Sahaab,
>
> As I have conveyed you through personal emails, I liked your
> GHazal ! Lot of words were 'new' to me. And then I did what
> I always do ... Go to Nitaji's page looking for meanings. Lately
> it has 'also' become a Urdu dictionary for me :-) Thank You
> Nitaji.
>
> > navaa-e-dil ne karishme dikhaaye haiN kya kya
> > miri azaaN ne namaazi jagaaye haiN kya kya!
> > [navaa = aavaaz. azaaN = baaNg]
> >
>
> Nita's site has azaaN as 'call for prayer' ? What is 'baaNg' ?
The meaning of 'azaaN', as quoted above, is indeed correct. The
word 'baaNg', is rather generic --- it means a variety of 'aavaaz',
including the call for prayers.
----------
sanad ke taur par, here is Platts:
azaaN = a call to prayer (usually chanted from the turret of a mosque).
baaNg = voice, sound, noise, cry, shout, the call to prayer by the
mu'azzin from the minarets of the mosque (syn. azaaN), ------
baaNg dena = to call Musalmaans to prayer, ------
baaNg-e-sub'h = the morning call to prayer.
baaNg-e-namaaz = the call to prayer (= baaNg).
----------
> > 4. adaa-e-naaz ko andaaz-e-dilbari samjhe
> > fareb aihl-e-muhabbat ne khaaye haiN kya kya!
> >
>
> My favorite sher, of course !
I know that! :-))
> >
> > kise bataaooN ke tera khayaal aate hi
> > hijaab mere tasavvur ko aaye haiN kya kya!
> >
>
> Good one !
Thanks.
> > 7. voh teri shokh-nigaahi, voh teri khanda-labi
> > dil-e-ghareeb pe charke lagaaye haiN kya kya!
> > [charke lagaana = to inflict wounds]
> >
>
> Again, what is khanda-labi ?
I have already answered this in my letter to Abida Sahiba.
> > 8. [The term 'khuloos-o-muhabbat' in the next she'r implies a
> conduct that is both courteous and
> > loving, while 'gurez-o-faraar' implies a state of hesitation or
> running away altogether].
> >
> > kabhi khuloos-o-muhabbat, kabhi gurez-o-faraar
> > banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!
> >
>
> The repetition of 'banaa' gives it a greater punch IMHO.
> 'banaa banaa ke muqaddar miTaaye haiN kya kya!' -> quite
> impressive !
Thanks again. aap ke ilaava, Amit Sahib aur Vijay Sahib ne bhi is she'r
ko saraaha hai --- for reasons that include the repetition of the
word 'banaa'! It goes so well with the repetition of the word 'kya' in
the radeef of this ghazal.
> > 10. hai aaj khoon-e-tamanna to kal umeed ki maut
> > dil-e-hazeeN ne janaaze uThaaye haiN kya kya!
> >
>
> dil-e-hazeeN ?
This too was answered in my letter to Abida Sahiba.
Thanks, Kaamraan Sahib, for your comments on this ghazal. It is always
a pleasure to hear from you.
has...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
> The meaning of 'azaaN', as quoted above, is indeed correct. The
> word 'baaNg', is rather generic --- it means a variety of 'aavaaz',
> including the call for prayers.
raj pathria:
PHIR WAHII GhALA'TII AUR USKAY E'TERAAF KAA PAHLUU AAPKII "PLATT'S" KII
LOgHAT MAYn NAHIIn HAI!
AAP YEH BATAAYEn KII AAPKO "MAnDIR KAY GHANTAY" AUR "GHANTA~GHAR KAY
GHANTAY" MAYn KOYII FARQ NAzAR NAHIIn AATAA? agar koyii sar~phiraa
sha'yer "mandir kay ghantay" ko "ghanta~ghar kay ghantay" say barabarii
karay to 'aam Hindus ko kaisaa lagaygaa! SURE! buraa lagaygaa!
AAP KYAA KARAYn In DInOn AAPKAA WAISAY HII "QAAFIYAH TAnG" HAI. KOYII
AUR LAFz AAPKO MILAA HII NAHIIn! LA'ANAT HAI AISII "QAAFIYAH~TAnGII"
PER! AAPKII IS NAA-E'TERAAFII KII HAT~DHARMII PER MERAA EIK MASHWARAH
HAI AAP KAY LIYE:
SALMAAN RUSHDIE KII SHAGIRDII AKhTEYAAR KAR LIJIIYE, YAA
PHIR LHULAY-'AAM APNII GhALA'TII KAA E'TERAAF KARTAY HUYE MU'AAFII KII
DARKhWAAST KIJIIYE TAKI HO SAKTAA HAI AAPKAA PAAP DHUL JAAYE!
________________________________________________________________________
> sanad ke taur par, here is Platts:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Platt's kii dictionary AAP KAY LIYE MASH'IL-E-RAAH HO SAKTII HAI MAGAR
MERAY YAA MOHTARAM 'IZZAT~MA'AAB IRFAN SAHAB (BArAA BURAA LAG RAHAA
HOGAA AAPKO YEH ALQAAB-O-AADAAB) KAY LIYE HARGIZ NAHIIn!
'zARAA USTAADOn KII BHII LOGhAAT PER NAzAR DAAL LAYn
WAHAAn AAPKII "QAAFIYAH~TAnGII" KII DAVAA SHAYAD NAH MILAY!
AAJ KII MULAAQAAT KAY LIYE ITNAA HII SABAQ KAAFII HAI,
FAQAT AAPKAY LEKH KAA MUN'TAZIR,
Hashmat
vijay...@my-deja.com
rajkp...@my-deja.com wrote:
> I think all these concerns arose from a little mis-reading of this
> she'r. You presumably missed the word 'ke' in the first misra; that
> hypothesis explains all the concerns you have raised. The actual she'r
> may be paraphrased like this:
>
> (tu) kabhi to dekh ke "meri tabaah-haali par, hayaat-o-maut ne kya kya
> aaNsoo bahaaye haiN".
>
> khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
>
Raj Sahib,
I have been away the last little while and returned to-day for a couple
of days. Thanks for the erudite response that not only made the
interpretation of this she'r clear but also revealed the source of my
confusion. The confusion occured from the word 'ke'. I read 'dekh ke
meri tabaah-haali' as 'meri tabaah-haali ko dekh kar'. I feel that
if 'ke' (kaaf, baRi ey)is written as 'ki' (kaaf, chhotii ey) and a
comma is palced after dekh, then the room for confusion is less. As an
example, this point is illustrated well in the famous Ghalib she'r where
'dil dhoondta hai phir vohii fursat ke raat din,'
baithe raheN tassavur-e-janaaN kiiye hooe'
carries a different and erroneous, yet the more widely accepted
interpretation (the one that Gulzaar used), than the intended
'dil dhoondta hai phir vohii fursat, ki raat din
baithe raheN tassavur-e-jannaN kiie hooe'
Note the 'ke' v/s 'ki' and tha placement of comma after 'fursat' rather
than 'din'.
So if one reads your she'r as
kabhi to dekh, ki meri tabaah-haali par
hayaat-o-maut neN aaNsoo bahaaye haiN kya kya!
one would see the intended interpretation right away.
What do you think?
With respect,
Vijay Kumar
yogesh...@my-deja.com
vijay...@my-deja.com wrote:
> ...
> As an example, this point is illustrated well in the
> famous Ghalib she'r where
>
>
> 'dil dhoondta hai phir vohii fursat ke raat din,'
> baithe raheN tassavur-e-janaaN kiiye hooe'
>
> carries a different and erroneous, yet the more widely accepted
> interpretation (the one that Gulzaar used), than the intended
>
>
> 'dil dhoondta hai phir vohii fursat, ki raat din
> baithe raheN tassavur-e-jannaN kiie hooe'
>
> Note the 'ke' v/s 'ki' and tha placement of comma after
> 'fursat' rather than 'din'.
>
Vijay Sahib:
Very good illustrations!
BTW, I think the first word of the sher is 'jii' not 'dil'
Regards,
Yogesh Sethi
il_kh...@my-deja.com
> hum aise saada-luhon ki niyaaz mandi se
> butoN ne ki haiN jahaN mein khudaaiyaaN kya kya - Faiz
> ---
> tabassum
It is difficult to imagine Faiz writing "saada-luhoN"
instead of "saada-lauhoN". Quite apart from the fact
that "saada-lauhoN" disturbs the behr or metre, the
word itself (when used in this plural sense) sounds
rather odd. Also, I believe that amongst notable
poets of the modern era, Faiz and Ali Sardar Jaafri
have arguably the purest diction.
I remember the above sher as :
Hum aise saada-diloN ki niazmandi se
***********
ButoN ne ki haiN jahaaN men KhudaaiyyaN kya kya
A reference to the poet's diwan or kulliyaat should
resolve the matter.
I remember three other ash'aar from this beautiful ghazal :
Na ab raqeeb na naaseh na Gham-gusaar koi
Tum aashna the to theeN aashnaaiyyaN kya kya
Juda the hum to mayassar theeN qurbateN kitni
Baham huwe to paRi haiN judaaiyyaN kya kya
Sitam pe Khush, kabhi lutf-o-karam se ranjeeda
SikhaaiN tum ne hameN kaj-adaaiyyaN kya kya
A couple of verses where Faiz has used the word "lauh"
in its proper form --- and with its logical "companion
word" i.e. "qalam".
Mata'a-e-lauh-o-qalam chhin gayi to kya Gham hai
Ke Khoon-e-dil men dubolee haiN ungliyaaN main ne
and
Hum parvarish-e-lauh-o-qalam karte raheNge
Jo dil pe guzarti hai raqam karte raheNge
Talking of "but" and "butoN", I recall the second misra
of a fine sher :
Jab diya raNj butoN ne to Khuda yaad aaya
Somehow I cannot recall the first misra.
Afzal
has...@my-deja.com
il_kh...@my-deja.com wrote:
> In article <8dg8rn$u3u$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> tab...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
> > hum aise saada-luhon ki niyaaz mandi se
> > butoN ne ki haiN jahaN mein khudaaiyaaN kya kya - Faiz
> > ---
> > tabassum
>
> It is difficult to imagine Faiz writing "saada-luhoN"
> instead of "saada-lauhoN". Quite apart from the fact
> that "saada-lauhoN" disturbs the behr or metre, the
> word itself (when used in this plural sense) sounds
> rather odd. Also, I believe that amongst notable
> poets of the modern era, Faiz and Ali Sardar Jaafri
> have arguably the purest diction.
janaab Afzaal Sahab:
Assalaam-o-Alaikum,
dar-aSl, yeh gHala'tii hargiz Faiz Sahab say sarzad nahiiN huii hai!
yeh zehnii-upaj raj pathria kii hai jo bhaiNsoN kay aagay khaRay "biin"
bajaa rahay haiN!
Haqiiqatan yeh uNkaa bhii "dosh" nahiiN hai! aSl vajeh yeh hai kii:
URDU UnKII YAA MUT'ADDID DIGAR "ALUP"ers KII MADRI~ZUBAAN NAHIIn HAI,
LIHAAZAH WOH SABHII HAZRAAT(?) AHL-E-ZABAAN NAHIIn HAIn! IS TARHA KII
GHALA'TIIYAAn TOE AKsAR-O-BESHTAR KARTAY AAYE HAIn! MUSHKIL TOE YEH HAI
KII BHAInSAYn MAST HOKAR UnKII "BIIN" BAJAANAY PER APNII "DUM" HILAA
HILAA KAR LUTF-AnDOZ HO RAHII HAIn! UnHAYn KYAA PATAA "BIIN KAY SUROn
AUR RAAGOn" KAA!
AHL-E-ZABAAN KAUN LOG HAIn? YEH WOH LOG HAIn JO UMR-E-KODKII SAY URDU
BOTAY AUR SUnTAY AAYE HAIn! YEH FARQ IS TARAH NUMAAYAAn KIIYAA JA
SAKTAA HAI:
JAB WOH PAIDAA HUYE THAY TOE SHOR MACHAA KI "LArKAA/LArKII" PAIDAH
HUUII HAI, JAB AHL-E-ZUBAAN KAY YAHAAn VILLADAT HOTII HAI TOE EIK
DUUSRAY KO MUBARAK~BAAD DAYTAY HUYE ARZ KARTAY HAIn KI:
AAPKO VALI-'AHED MUBAARAK HO YAA AAPKO NUR-CHASHMII MUBAARAK HO!
DAYKH RAHAY HAIn NAA "FARQ" JO KI ZAMIIN~AASMAAN KAA FARQ HAI!
CHAnD MUSHAIROn MAYn hAAzRII LAGWAA LAYNAY SAY YAA PHIR "ALUP" PER
CHAnD SUTUUR LIKH DAYNAY KAY BAA'Is KOYII AHL-E-ZUBAAN NAHIIn HO JAATAY!
YEH BAAT KOYII APNII HAT~DHARMII KAY SABAB SAY NA MAANAY TOE YEH USKII
FEHM KAA QUSUUR HAI!
faqat ahl-e-zubaan-e-Urdu,
Hashmat
tab...@my-deja.com
il_kh...@my-deja.com wrote:
> In article <8dg8rn$u3u$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> tab...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
> It is difficult to imagine Faiz writing "saada-luhoN"
> instead of "saada-lauhoN". Quite apart from the fact
> that "saada-lauhoN" disturbs the behr or metre, the
> word itself (when used in this plural sense) sounds
> rather odd. Also, I believe that amongst notable
> poets of the modern era, Faiz and Ali Sardar Jaafri
> have arguably the purest diction.
>
>
> Hum aise saada-diloN ki niazmandi se
> ***********
> ButoN ne ki haiN jahaaN men KhudaaiyyaN kya kya
>
> A reference to the poet's diwan or kulliyaat should
> resolve the matter.
>
> I remember three other ash'aar from this beautiful ghazal :
>
Afzal Saheb,
Main ne yeh ghazal kisi risaale se isi tarha naq'l ki thee bahut
mumkin hai keh us risale mein yeh ghalti ho. I'll try to check in
Faiz's collection.
--
tabassum