On Thursday, June 10, 2021 at 4:50:20 PM UTC-5, Raj Kumar wrote:
> vaazeH ho k GhazloN meN aksar maHbuubaa'oN hi ka zikr hota hai, beevioN ka shaaz-o-naadir hi hota hai. aur jo shaa'ir apni beevii se Darta hai voh maHbuubaa'oN ko "vahm-o-gumaaN" kah kar apni jaan bachaata hai! ;-) ***
RK sahib, aap sahiiH farmaa rahe haiN, biivioN par asha'ar kam aur chuTkule zyaade sunaaye jaate haiN. :)
Akbar Allahabadi farmaa gaye haiN:
ta'alluq aashiq-o-maashuuq kaa to lutf rakhtaa thaa
maze ab vo kahaaN baaqii rahe biivii miyaaN ho kar! :-)
> > Here is the Ghazal in question.
.......
> >
> ***Ghazal bahut achchhi hai; albatta, do-aek jagah durustii darkaar hai ------- magar Dartaa huuN k meri hamesha ki Teekaa-Tipnii se aap kahiiN bar_ham na ho jaa'eN, is liye maiN ne apne ma'zuur qalam ko rok liyaa hai.
> duusrii vajah yeh k kucch mashq ZS ke liye bhi to chhoRni chaahiye naa!***
>
> du'aa-go, Raj Kumar***
Prof RK, ab aap ne HW de diyaa hai, phir to mujhe karnaa hii paRe gaa varnaa maiN bhi Tiikaa-Tapnii se zaraa parhez kar rahii thii! :)
vaise aap do-ek jagah durustii kaa keh kar mujhe imtihaan meN Daal rahe haiN.
You are being generous Prof, including the glaringly obvious 'ek' and 'merii' in the Haasil-e-ghazal she'r, 'twenty one' corrections altogether to bring all the misraas in meter. Sorry NS, no offence please, but only 'five' of the original misraas fit the beHr.
beHr: 2 2 1/ 1 2 2 1/ 1 2 2 1/ 1 2 2
Modified ghazal:
> > jo ho nah sakii baat vuh chihroN se 3ayaaN thii
> > Haalaat ka* maatam tha* mulaaqaat kahaaN thii
> >
> > us ne nah Thaharne diya* pahroN mire* dil ko
> > jo teri* nigaahoN meN shikaayat miri* jaaN thii
> >
> > ghar meN bhi* kahaaN chain se so'e the kabhii ham
> > jo raat hai zindaaN meN vahii raat vahaaN thii
> >
> > yaksaaN haiN mirii jaan qafas aur nasheman
> > insaan ki* tauqiir yahaaN hai nah vahaaN thii
> >
> > shaahoN se jo kuchh rabt nah qaa'im hu'aa apnaa
> > 3aadat ka* bhi* kuchh jabr tha* kuchh apni* zabaaN thii
> >
> > sayyaad ne yuuNhii to qafas meN nahiN* Daalaa
> > mash_huur gulistaaN meN bahut meri* fuGhaaN thii
> >
> > tuu ek* Haqiiqat hai mirii jaaN miri* ham-dam
> > jo thii miri* GhazloN meN vuh ik vahm-o-gumaaN thii
> >
> > maHsuus kiyaa maiN ne tire* Gham se Gham-e-dahr
> > varnah mire ash3aar meN yih baat kahaaN thii
> > If friends can post any ash3aar, especially from a Ghazal, that are addressed to the wife, it will be greatly appreciated.
Can't think of any complimentary ones right now, aur duursre vaale maiN to post nahaiiN karuuN gi. Nope, not me. :-)
vaise pichhle dinoN Afzal sahib ne biiviioN par ek baRi mazedaar nazm post kii thi, meraa Khayaal hai k us kaa link is thread meN honaa chaahiye.
Oh and regarding the Rajendar Krishan/Lata Mangeshkar song "tumhi mere mandir, tumhi meri puuja...", it is an absolute classic, I love it too. Such a melodious song, the ultimate ode to a husband, but still from a male perspective!
Of course, which man wouldn't like a beautiful, dutiful Nutan singing a lullaby to her husband, calling him "devtaa and farishtaa". Very nice, but again can we think of any such songs/poems written by any female poets?! I can't at the moment.
I guess it works both ways. :-)
_______Zoya