Ghalib kee Ghazal kee tazmeen: Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Sarwar Alam Raz
chand din hue Ravindra saaheb ne apne aik :shoshe: meiN musallas,
musaddas vaGHaira kaa zikr kiyaa thaa. maiN ne Ghlib kee kuChh
GhazaloN kee muKhammas ke andaaz meiN tazmeen kee hai. in meiN se aaj
aik pesh kar rahaa hooN. yeh dar.asl Ghalib ke Huzoor meraa
Khiraaj.e.aqeedat hai. is se ziyaadah is koshish kee koee aur Haisiyat
naheeN hai; varna meree kyaa majaal k Ghalib ke munh aaooN? :che
nisbat Khaak raa baa aalam.e.paak?:
agar maree yeh kaavish aap kee Khaatir.e.naazuk (!) par ziyaadah
garaaN na guzree to aa'inda bhee aisee jasaarat kee ummeed rakhnee
chaahiye!
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ghalib kee Ghazal kee tazmeen:
veHshat.e.zeest gavaara kisee unvaaN honaa
fikr.e.dunyaa kaa Hareef.e.Gham.e.jaanaaN honaa
raNg.e.Ghalib meiN miraa aaj Ghazal.KhwaaN honaa
:bas k dushvaar hai har kaam kaa aasaaN honaa
aadmee ko bhee muyassar naheeN insaaN honaa!:
voh HaseeN va'de, voh raNgeen dilaase, tobah!
Khoob hai sheva.e.arbaab.e.vafaa se tobah!
ishva.o.naaz se, andaaz.o.adaa se tobah!
:kee mire qatl ke ba'd us ne jafaa se tobah!
haa'e us zood.pasheemaaN kaa pasheemaaN honaa:
aarzoo dil meiN hai be.mot hee mar jaane kee
pooChhte kyaa ho haqeeqat mire afsaane kee?
muKHtasar baat! samajhne kee na samjhaane kee!
:girya chaahe hai Kharaabee mire kaashaane kee
dar.o.deevaar se Tapke hai bayaabaaN honaa:
jaan par beete hai is Haal meiN kyaa kyaa, mat pooChh
kyaa Khayaal aataa hai aur kon saa jaataa, mat pooChh
lazzat.e.daar.o.rasan, lutf.e.tamaashaa, mat pooChh
:ishrat.e.qatl.gah.e.ahl.e.tamannaa mat pooChh
eed.e.nazzaara hai shamsheer kaa uryaaN honaa:
ab huaa jaataa hai ishq aik museebat, Ghalib
hai nazar meiN miree aNjaam.e.muHabbat, Ghalib
kyaa kare, kon kare, kis se shikaayat, Ghalib
:Haif us chaar girah kapRe kee qismat Ghalib
jis kee qismat meiN ho aashiq kaa garebaaN honaa:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
iraadat kaish
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
UVR
>
> yaaraan.e.alup tasleemaat!
>
> chand din hue Ravindra saaheb ne apne aik :shoshe: meiN musallas,
> musaddas vaGHaira kaa zikr kiyaa thaa. maiN ne Ghlib kee kuChh
> GhazaloN kee muKhammas ke andaaz meiN tazmeen kee hai. in meiN se aaj
> aik pesh kar rahaa hooN.
Sarwar sahib, aadaab.
ka`ii dinoN se soch rahaa thaa k is muKhammas ke liye aap kaa
shukriya ada karooN. meri ba_zaahir darKhwaast par na sahii,
par mere ek sawaal kaa jawaab dete-dete hi ise yahaaN post kiyaa
hai.
Ghalib ke ash'aar par girah to bahutoN ne baaNdhi hai, magar
magar itnii durust-o-dilkash kam hii baNdh sakii hai. aap ki
nazm bahut pasand aayi, aur is se muKhammas kaa ek "example"
bhi dekhne ko mil gayaa.
nazm-e-zail meiN mujhe sab se zyaada pasand band #2 aur #1 aaye
(in that order). aur #3 bhii. chauthe band ke doosre misre ne
dil kaa woh haal kiyaa k jaise kisi ne mae ke quuze meiN maTke
bhar kaa paanii uNDel diyaa ho :-) piine waaloN ko maaloom hogaa
k is se nasha yooN Ghaaib hotaa hai jaise gadhe ke sar se seeNg :)
muKhtasar(?) yeh k woh misra mujhe zaraa ajeeb lagaa. Khair yeh
mere kam-ilm aur tang-deedah hone kaa nateeja bhi ho saktaa hai.
aaKhiri band meiN "Ghalib" kii bajaaye "Sarwar" hotaa to shaayad
taKhallus kaa farz bhi adaa ho jaataa? kyaa yooN karnaa
sheva-e-tazmeen ke bar_Khilaaf hotaa hai -- mujhe is baat kaa bilkul
ilm nahiN, isiliye poochh rahaa hooN; is sawaal se aur mataalib
na nikaale jaayeN!
fqt,
UVR.
Sarwar Alam Raz
> Ghalib ke ash'aar par girah to bahutoN ne baaNdhi hai, magar
> magar itnii durust-o-dilkash kam hii baNdh sakii hai. aap ki
> nazm bahut pasand aayi, aur is se muKhammas kaa ek "example"
> bhi dekhne ko mil gayaa.
>
> dil kaa woh haal kiyaa k jaise kisi ne mae ke quuze meiN maTke
> bhar kaa paanii uNDel diyaa ho :-) piine waaloN ko maaloom hogaa
> k is se nasha yooN Ghaaib hotaa hai jaise gadhe ke sar se seeNg :)
> muKhtasar(?) yeh k woh misra mujhe zaraa ajeeb lagaa. Khair yeh
> mere kam-ilm aur tang-deedah hone kaa nateeja bhi ho saktaa hai.
> aaKhiri band meiN "Ghalib" kii bajaaye "Sarwar" hotaa to shaayad
> taKhallus kaa farz bhi adaa ho jaataa? kyaa yooN karnaa
> sheva-e-tazmeen ke bar_Khilaaf hotaa hai -- mujhe is baat kaa bilkul
> ilm nahiN, isiliye poochh rahaa hooN; is sawaal se aur mataalib
> na nikaale jaayeN!
>
> fqt,
> UVR.
>
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
aap ke Khat kaa shukriya! aap ne jo pasand kiyaa us kaa to shukriya
hai hee, jo naheeN kiyaa us ke liye bhee mamnoon hooN. lekin yeh
taraddud phir bhee reh gayaa k aap ne band #4 ke doosre misre meiN
kyaa kamee dekhee jo aap kee Khaatir.e.naazuk par garaaN guzree! aap
kee baat meree samajh meiN bilkul naheeN aayee. is kaa ta'alluq is se
to naheeN k maiN 'peetaa' naheeN hooN? :))- mazaaq bartarf, agar
vazaaHat kar deN aur baat meree samajh meiN aagayee to badal dooNgaa!
muKhammas ke aakharee band meiN maiN apnaa taKhallus de bhee saktaa
thaa, lekin yeh zarooree naheeN hai. muKhammas meiN aisaa koee
baNdhaa.Takaa usool meree nazar se naheeN guzraa hai. aap Hukm deN to
taKhallus 'kaa Haq adaa kar dooN'?
aap ke :comments: mere liye baa'is.e.izzat haiN. is kee toseeq kee
Khaatir aap ke liye aik tohfa pesh karnaa chaahtaa hooN. aur voh hai
Bahadur Shah Zafar kee aik Ghazal par Ghalib kee aik tazmeen
(ba.soorat.e.muKhammas!). is se kuChh baatoN kee vazaaHat bhee ho
jaayegee.
aap ko is muKhammas se yeh bhee andaaza hogaa k kisee kee Ghazal par
tazmeen bohat hee mushkil kaam hai kyoN k tazmeen karne vaale ko
Ghazal ke shaa'ir kee tarz.e.fikr.o.bayaan meiN fikr karnee hotee hai.
agar voh aisaa na kare to us ke misre asl Ghazal meiN khapnaa mumkin
naheeN hogaa. ab aap Ghalib kee koshish mulaaHiza farmaaiye:
Khamsa bar Ghazal.e.Bahadur Shah 'Zafar' az Mirza Ghalib:
ghiste ghiste paaooN meiN zanjeer aadhee reh gayee
mar gaye par qabr kee ta'meer aadhee reh gayee
sab hee paRhtaa kaash! kyoN takbeer aadhee reh gayee
:khiNch ke qaatil! jab tiree shamsheer aadhee reh gayee
Gham se jaan.e.aashiq.e.dilgeer aadhee reh gayee:
beTh rehtaa leke chashm.e.purnam us ke roo ba.roo
kyoN kahaa too ne k keh dil kaa Gham us ke roo ba.roo
baat kehne meiN nikaltaa hai dam us ke roo ba.roo
:keh sake saaree Haqeeqat ham na us ke roo ba.roo
ham.nasheeN aadhee huee taqreer, aadhee reh gayee:
too ne dekhaa mujh pe kaisee ban gayee, ae raaz.daar
Khwaab.o.bedaaree pe kab hai aadmee ko iKhtiyaar
misl.e.zaKhm aaNkhoN ko see detaa jo hotaa hoshiyaar
:kheeNchtaa thaa raat ko maiN Khwaab meiN tasveer.e.yaar
jaag uThaa, jo kheeNchnee tasveer aadhee reh gayee:
Gham ne jab gheraa to chaahaa ham ne yooN ae dilnavaaz
mastee.e.chashm.e.siyah se chal ke hoveN chaara.saaz
too sadaa.e.paa se jaagaa thaa jo, meHv.e.Khwaab.e.naaz!
:dekhte hee, ae sitamgar!, teree chashm.e.neem.baaz
kee thee pooree ham ne jo tadbeer, aadhee reh gayee:
us but.e.maGhroor ko kyaa ho kisee par iltifaat
jis ke Husn.e.roz.afzooN kee yeh ik adnaa hai baat
maah.e.nau nikle pe guzree hoNgee raateN paan-saat
:us ruKh.e.roshan ke aage maah.e.yak.hafta kee raat
taabish.e.Khursheed.e.pur.tanveer aadhee reh gayee:
taa mujhe poNhachaaye kaahish, baKht.e.bad hai ghaat meiN
haaN faravaanee agar kuChh hai to hai aafaat meiN
juz Gham.o.raNj.o.alam ghaaTaa hai har ik baat meiN
:kam.naseebee is ko kehte haiN, k mere haat meiN
aate hee Khaasiyyat.e.akseer aadhee reh gayee:
sab se yeh gosha.kinaare hai, gale lag jaa mire
aadmee ko kyoN pukaare hai, gale lag jaa mire
sar se gar chaadar utaare hai, gale lag jaa mire
:maaNg kyaa beThaa saNvaare hai, gale lag jaa mire
vasl kee shab, ae but.e.be.peer!, aadhee reh gayee:
maiN yeh kyaa jaanooN, k voh kis vaaste hooN phir gaye
par naseeb apnaa, unheN jaataa sunaa, jooN phir gaye
dekhnaa qismat, voh aaye aur phir yooN phir gaye
:aake aadhee door mere ghar se voh kyoN phir gaye
kyaa kashish meiN dil kee ab taseer aadhee reh gayee?:
naagihaaN yaad aa gayee hai mujh ko, yaarab kab kee baat
kuChh naheeN kehtaa kisee se, sun rahaa hooN sab kee baat
kis liye tujh se Chhupaa'ooN, haaN, voh parsoN shab kee baat
:naama.bar jaldee meiN teree, voh jo thee matlab kee baat
Khat meiN aadhee ho sakee teHreer, aadhee reh gayee:
ho tajalle barq kee soorat meiN, hai yeh bhee ghazab
haaN Chhe ghaNTe kee to hotee, fursat.e.aish.o.tarab
shaam se aate, to kyaa aChhee guzartee raat sab
:paas mere voh jo aaye bhee to ba'd az neem shab
niklee aadhee Hasrat, ae taqdeer aadhee reh gayee:
tum jo farmaate ho, dekh ae Ghalib.e.aashufta'sar
ham na tujh ko mana' karte the, gayaa kyoN us ke ghar?
jaan kee paa'ooN amaaN! baateN yeh sab sach haiN magar
:dil ne kee saaree Kharaabee, le gayaa mujh ko 'Zafar'
vaaN ke jaane meiN miree toqeer aadhee reh gayee:
Mirza Asadullah Khan :Ghalib:
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iradat kaish
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
UVR
aap kaa Khat dekh kar itminaan kaa lambaa saaNs kheNchaa ... warna
mujhe Dar thaa k kahiiN aap meri baat ko "anyathaa" na le leN;
[is lafz ki wazaahat 'Agyat'-ji kar sakte haiN :))]
sarw...@yahoo.com (Sarwar Alam Raz) wrote:
>
> lekin yeh
> taraddud phir bhee reh gayaa k aap ne band #4 ke doosre misre meiN
> kyaa kamee dekhee jo aap kee Khaatir.e.naazuk par garaaN guzree! aap
> kee baat meree samajh meiN bilkul naheeN aayee. is kaa ta'alluq is se
> to naheeN k maiN 'peetaa' naheeN hooN? :))- mazaaq bartarf, agar
> vazaaHat kar deN aur baat meree samajh meiN aagayee to badal dooNgaa!
aap ke muKhammas kaa mazkoora band yooN hai:
> jaan par beete hai is Haal meiN kyaa kyaa, mat pooChh
> kyaa Khayaal aataa hai aur kon saa jaataa, mat pooChh
> lazzat.e.daar.o.rasan, lutf.e.tamaashaa, mat pooChh
>
> :ishrat.e.qatl.gah.e.ahl.e.tamannaa mat pooChh
> eed.e.nazzaara hai shamsheer kaa uryaaN honaa:
mujhe -- na jaane kyoN -- aisaa lagaa k misra #2 "fit" kiyaa
gayaa hai. It's not of the same "quality" as #1 and #3. But,
as I said, this could be entirely due to my ignorance and lack
of comprehension. aap behtar jaante haiN. aur waise bhii, sirf
aik mere kahne se aap misr'a badal deN to yeh baRii zyaadti hogii.
> aap ke :comments: mere liye baa'is.e.izzat haiN. is kee toseeq kee
> Khaatir aap ke liye aik tohfa pesh karnaa chaahtaa hooN. aur voh hai
> Bahadur Shah Zafar kee aik Ghazal par Ghalib kee aik tazmeen
> (ba.soorat.e.muKhammas!). is se kuChh baatoN kee vazaaHat bhee ho
> jaayegee.
> Khamsa bar Ghazal.e.Bahadur Shah 'Zafar' az Mirza Ghalib:
yeh tohfa to __bahOt hi__ pasand aayaa, Sarwar sahib! Thank you!!! :))
albattah ... hasb-e-aadat ... is ke muta'alliq bhii ek sawaal mere
haqeer zehn meiN uTh khaRaa huaa :(((
jahaaN tak aap ke 'example' aur Ghalib ke is "Khamse" se dekhaa
hai, ek muKhammas ke har band meiN meiN usoolan pehle 4 misroN
ko ham-qaafiya (aur, agar Ghair-muraddaf na hoN, to ham-radeef bhi)
hona chaahiye. agar maiN yahaaN Ghalati par hooN, to is ke ba'ad
likhaa huaa kuchh bhii paRhne kii zaroorat nahiiN, kyoN k woh sab
'bakwaas' hai.
Ghalib ke muKhammas kaa doosra band yooN darj hai:
> beTh rehtaa leke chashm.e.purnam us ke roo ba.roo
> kyoN kahaa too ne k keh dil kaa Gham us ke roo ba.roo
> baat kehne meiN nikaltaa hai dam us ke roo ba.roo
> :keh sake saaree Haqeeqat ham na us ke roo ba.roo
> ham.nasheeN aadhee huee taqreer, aadhee reh gayee:
ab dekhiye na, yahaaN Ghalib ke 3 misroN meiN yaa to radeef
"Ghalat" hai, yaa qaafiya. yaa phir Zafar ke sh'er ke pehle
misr'e meiN "... ham na us ke roo-ba-roo" nahiiN, kuchh aur
["... na ham us ke roo-ba-roo"?] hai. Bahadur Shah kii yeh
Ghazal pehle nahiiN paRhi/suni, is liye kah nahiN saktaa k
gaRbaR kidhar hai. agar aap hi dekh kar bataa deN to tah-e-dil
se mamnooN hooNga.
mKhls,
UVR
Irfan 'Abid'
Sarwar Sb, aadaab!
aap kii ye bahtareen taKhliiq zer-e-nazar hai, aur maiN pas-o-pesh meN
huuN ki kin alfaaz meN aap ko daad pesh karuuN. is tarah kii
nazm-nigaarii, aur vo bhii 'Ghalib' kii Ghazal par, koii aasaan kaam
nahiiN, lekin aap ne na sirf ye kaam anjaam diyaa hai balki Khuub
anjaam diyaa hai. marhabaa! chalte chalte ek savaal puuchh luuN? pahle
misre kii saaKht kuchh aisii hai ki matlab puurii tarah mujh par saaf
nahiiN huaa. vazaahat kar deN to navaazish hogii.
niyaazmand,
Irfan 'Abid'
Sarwar Alam Raz
> sarw...@yahoo.com (Sarwar Alam Raz) wrote in message news:<267193df.02030...@posting.google.com>...
>
> aap kii ye bahtareen taKhliiq zer-e-nazar hai, aur maiN pas-o-pesh meN
> huuN ki kin alfaaz meN aap ko daad pesh karuuN. is tarah kii
> nazm-nigaarii, aur vo bhii 'Ghalib' kii Ghazal par, koii aasaan kaam
> nahiiN, lekin aap ne na sirf ye kaam anjaam diyaa hai balki Khuub
> anjaam diyaa hai. marhabaa! chalte chalte ek savaal puuchh luuN? pahle
> misre kii saaKht kuchh aisii hai ki matlab puurii tarah mujh par saaf
> nahiiN huaa. vazaahat kar deN to navaazish hogii.
>
> niyaazmand,
> Irfan 'Abid'
muHibbee Irfan saaheb aadaab!
maiN aap kee taraH imtiHaan to naheeN de rahaa hooN lekin jis manzil
se guzar rahaa hooN voh hai ba.harHaal isee qabeele kee!. maiN isee
'chapqalish' meiN aap ke savaal kaa javaab naheeN de sakaa thaa.
Khair, der aayad durust aayad!!
tazmeen kee shart se aap Khoob vaaqif haiN k, masalan, zer.e.nazar
taKhleeq meiN mere har misre ke liye zarooree hai k voh Teep ke Ghalib
ke sher kaa muqallid ho aur us kee zubaan.o.bayaan.o.Khayaal bhee us
ke liye zameen banaataa ho. is Havaale se dekhiye to pehlaa misra
:veHshat.e.zeest gavaaraa kisee unvaaN honaa: aur mere doosre misre
Ghalib kee is baat kee taayeed kar rahe haiN k :aadmee ko bhee
muyassar naheeN insaaN honaa: jis taraH yeh mumkin naheeN hai usee
taraH zindigee kee veHshatoN ko kisee na kisee taraH apne ooper guzaar
lenaa, meraa Ghalib ke raNg meiN kehnaa vaGhairah bhee bohat mushkil
haiN.
aap kee sitaayish kaa shukriya!
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar: