Aik Ghazal
Moazzam Saeed
Sarwar,janab Irfan,janab Vasim Abidi aur digar moutaber ehl-e-qalam
hazraat ki mojodigi se yaqinun mujh jaise noumashq ko seekhnay ka
mouqa milay ga, meiN aap sub ke taawun ka talabgaar houN.Buhat darte
darte aik ghazal paish karnay ki jasarat kar raha houN umeed hae apni
rae se agah farmaeiN ge.
Dua ka talib
Moazzam Saeed
Miray lafzooN meiN dil ke taar boleiN ge
Tiray lub per miray ash'aar boleiN ge
Abhi ek moujizah hona ye baqi hae
Miray haq meiN yahaN kohsaar boleiN ge
Wafa per jub koi ilzaam aye ga
Tu mehlooN ke dar-o-divaar boleinN ge
Hamara hi likha hae naam naizooN per
humi'N such bhi sar-e-darbar boleiN ge
Libas-e-fakhirah se chup nahi sakta
Nasab tera tiray atwaar boleiN ge
Naey mousam,naey khawbooN ke manzar meiN
Naey chehray naey kirdaar boleiN ge
Saeed ek din hawa ke narm jhoNkay bhi
Tira lehjah, tiray afkaar boleiN ge
Afzal A. Khan
Aap ne koshish achhi ki hai. Lekin meri naaqis raae men
"hawa ke jhoNke afkaar boleNge" waGHaira zara "bol-chaal" ki
zabaan m'aloom hoti hai. GHazal men inka ist'emaal na kiya
jaaye to behtar hai.
Afzal
Moazzam Saeed
MeiN aap ka intehai shukr guzaar houN keh aap ne meri ghazal per nigah
dali aur
maqtay mein jo naqs hae us ki nishan dahi ki meiN kosish karooNga keh
is ko tabdeel kardooN.
Moazzam
Sarwar Alam Raz
> Alup ke sub dostooN ki khidmat meiN salaam.Is bazm meiN janabRK,janab
> Sarwar,janab Irfan,janab Vasim Abidi aur digar moutaber ehl-e-qalam
> hazraat ki mojodigi se yaqinun mujh jaise noumashq ko seekhnay ka
> mouqa milay ga, meiN aap sub ke taawun ka talabgaar houN.Buhat darte
> darte aik ghazal paish karnay ki jasarat kar raha houN umeed hae apni
> rae se agah farmaeiN ge.
> Dua ka talib
> Moazzam Saeed
muHibbee Moazzam saaheb: aadaab arz hai!
sab se pehle to maiN aap kaa iss bazm meiN dilee Khair.maqdam kartaa
hooN! Khush.aamadeed! ab aa'e haiN to aate rahiye aur apne
rushHaat.e.qalam se ham sab ko mustafeed karte rahiye. shukriya! iss
ke ba'd aik shikaayat hai! :-))
aap ne mujh ko :mo'tabar ahl.e.qalam: ke saath shumaar kar ke bohat
sharminda kar diyaa! Hazzat! yahaaN to :man aanam k man daanam: vaalaa
mu'aamala samajhiye! ba.her.Haal aap kee izzat.afzaa'ee kaa mamnoon
hooN go k maiN Khud ko iss e'zaaz kaa mustaHiq naheeN gardaantaa hooN.
yeh dekh kar Khushee huee k aap Bahrain meiN haiN. vahaaN mere aik
nihaayat qareebee doast Shamsul Haq Alvi bhee haiN (Dept of Civil
Engg). agar un se guftugoo ho to meraa salaam poNhchaa deN. shukriya!
aap ne mujh ko naam lekar aik aur mushkil meiN bhee Daal diyaa hai!
aap kee Ghazal :jadeed Ghazal: kee tarz meiN hai (kam az kam meraa
yehee ta'assur hai, mumkin hai k Ghalat ho) aur maiN puraane madrase
kaa taalib.e.ilm Thehraa! maiN aap kee Ghazal ke her she'r per likhte
hue ussee taraH Dar rahaa hooN jaise aap alup per aate hue meHsoos kar
rahe the! agar aik aam saa tabsara kar dooN to kaisaa rahe gaa?
mumkin hai k yeh Ghazal kisee maKhsoos pas.manzar meiN likhee ga'ee ho
yaa ko'ee siyaasee yaa samaajee muHarrik iss ke peeChhe ho. aap ke
ista'aare aur tashbeehaat vaGhaira mere liye Ghair.maanoos haiN aur
iss Ghazal meiN mujh ko un arkaan kee kamee meHsoos huee jiss se
:rivaayatee: Ghazal muzai'yyan huaa kartee hai. iss kaa yeh matlab
naheeN hai k aap ne Ghalat kahaa hai bal.k sirf yeh kehnaa maqsood hai
k iss tarz.e.taGhazzul se mere kaan aashnaa naheeN haiN.
misaal ke taur per she'r #2 ko leN. kuhsaar kaise bolte haiN? :yahaaN:
se kyaa muraad hai? yaa she'r #7 meiN :havaa ke narm jhoNkoN ke tiraa
lehja, tire afkaar: bolne se kyaa muraad hai? ko'ee kisee kaa :lehja:
kiss taraH bol saktaa hai? vaGhaira vaGhaira.
isee qabeel ke Khayaalaat haiN jin se maiN ulajh rahaa hooN aur in kaa
Hal meree samajh meiN naheeN aa sakaa hai. yeh ain mumkin hai k ko'ee
aur saaheb in gutthiyoN ko suljhaa sakeN ge yaa aap hee iss silsile
meiN hamaaree raah.numaa'ee kar deN ge.
aaKhir meiN yeh arz hai k aap kee Ghazal :beHr.e.hazaj, musaddas,
saalim: meiN hai lekin taqtee' keejiye to teen jagah Kharaabee kee
soorat nazar aatee hai:
she'r #4: tarkeeb :sar.e.darbaar: meiN :sarey.darbaar: kehnaa paRtaa
hai ya'nee :rey: ko kheNchnaa paR rahaa hai jo Ghalat hai.
she'r 5: yehee soorat :libaas.e.faaKhira: meiN :libaas: ke :seen: kee
hai.
she'r 6: yahaaN :ke manzar: meiN :ke: ko :k: paRhnaa paR rahaa hai
goyaa :ye: dab rahee hai.
ummeed hai k meree ko'ee baat aap ko naa.gavaar naheeN guzree hogee.
agar huee hai to ma'zarat.Khwaah hooN.
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zoya
> moa...@batelco.com.bh (Moazzam Saeed) wrote in message
> > Alup ke sub dostooN ki khidmat meiN salaam.Is bazm meiN janabRK,janab
> > Sarwar,janab Irfan,janab Vasim Abidi aur digar moutaber ehl-e-qalam
> > hazraat ki mojodigi se yaqinun mujh jaise noumashq ko seekhnay ka
> > mouqa milay ga, meiN aap sub ke taawun ka talabgaar houN.Buhat darte
> > darte aik ghazal paish karnay ki jasarat kar raha houN umeed hae apni
> > rae se agah farmaeiN ge.
> > Dua ka talib
> > Moazzam Saeed
Moazzam Sahib,
sab_se pehle to aap_ko Alup meiN Khush_aamdiid kehnaa chahtii huuN,
aur yeh bhii kehnaa chahtii huuN k aap ko Darne ya jhijhakne kii koii
zaruurat nahiiN hai, yeh to dostoN kii mehfil hai! merii nek
tammanaayeN aur duaaeN aap_ke saath haiN.
maiN_ne aap_kii ghazal kaii martabaa pa.Dhii hai, mujhe pasaNd bhii
bahut aaii hai. vaise bhii mujhe zaatii taur par jadiid shaayarii
bahut pasaNd aatii hai. haaN agar maiN us pas_maNzar se vaaqif hotii,
jis meiN aap_ne yeh ghazal kahii hai, to shaayad maiN is_se aur zyaada
lutf_aNdoz ho saktii. mujhe aap ke Khayaalaat kaa revolutionary magar
hopeful lehjaa bahut aChhaa lagaa hai. And I like the cofident
attitude too!
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> muHibbee Moazzam saaheb: aadaab arz hai!
>
>
> misaal ke taur per she'r #2 ko leN. kuhsaar kaise bolte haiN? :yahaaN:
> se kyaa muraad hai? yaa she'r #7 meiN :havaa ke narm jhoNkoN ke tiraa
> lehja, tire afkaar: bolne se kyaa muraad hai? ko'ee kisee kaa :lehja:
> kiss taraH bol saktaa hai? vaGhaira vaGhaira.
>
>
> Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Sarwar Sahib,
kuhsaar bolte haiN, hawaa bhii boltii hai! aur koii kisii kaa lehja
bhii bol saktaa hai, zaraa tasawwur to kiijiiye!!
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Miray lafzooN meiN dil ke taar boleiN ge
> > Tiray lub per miray ash'aar boleiN ge
> >
> > Abhi ek moujizah hona ye baqi hae
> > Miray haq meiN yahaN kohsaar boleiN ge
> >
> > Wafa per jub koi ilzaam aye ga
> > Tu mehlooN ke dar-o-divaar boleinN ge
> >
> > Hamara hi likha hae naam naizooN per
> > humi'N such bhi sar-e-darbar boleiN ge
> >
> > Libas-e-fakhirah se chup nahi sakta
> > Nasab tera tiray atwaar boleiN ge
> >
> > Naey mousam,naey khawbooN ke manzar meiN
> > Naey chehray naey kirdaar boleiN ge
> >
> > Saeed ek din hawa ke narm jhoNkay bhi
> > Tira lehjah, tiray afkaar boleiN ge
Moazzam Sahib, umiid hai aap aaiNdaa bhii apne kalaam se nawaazte
raheNge, I am looking forward to it.
_________________Zoya
Moazzam Saeed
janab Sarwar sahab
Aadab
Aap ka azhad shukr guzar houN keh Aap ne mujhay ALUP meiN khushAamdeed
kaha,ye jan kar aur bhi khushi hui keh Aap Dr Alvi k dost heiN,Dr Alvi
hamaray bhi buhat karam farma heiN,kal aik isha'iye meiN mulaqat hui
thi Aap ka salaam poNhcha diya tha.meiN maazrat chahta houN keh yahaN
bahrain meiN 16th aur 17th Dec,national day ki holidays ki wajha se
jawab phelay nahi likh saka.Aap ne meri ghazal per jo tabsara likha
hae us per do hawalooN se baat ho sakti hae,awal'un
ghazal ki majmoee kifiyat aur maanviyat k hawalay se aur sani'un urdu
urooz meiN tasleem shuda taqtee k usool-o-zawabit k hawalay se.jahaN
tuk ghazal ki
maanviyat ka taalluq hae meiN sirf yehi keh sakta houN keh shayed ye
meri na'kami hae keh meiN apnay paRhnay walay tuk nahi poNhuch skaa,is
k liye maazrat
chahta houN,jadeed aur riwa'itee ghazal ki bahas ab purani ho chuki
hae, dono
maktab-e-fikr k loog baja tor se adab k irtiqa aur ghazal ki nai
sajdhaj k liye
hamray rehnuma'o rehbar heiN.ab rehjata hae mumalmila aap k un
etirazaat ka jo Aap ne urdu urooz k hawalay se kiye heiN,intehai
maazrat se arz karoon ga keh agar roman script ki wajha se meray
likhnay ya Aap se tarakeeb ko paRhnay meiN
kotahi nahi hui hae tu Aap k etirazaat sahi nahi heiN,jaisa keh Aap
jantay heiN keh taqtee ka bunyadi usool ye hae keh urooz meiN talaffuz
ka etibaar kia jata hae kitabat ka nahi,taqtee mein kabhi harakat ko
bajae harf k aur kabhi harf ko bajae harakat k shumar kartay heiN aur
is ki beshumar misaleiN urdu shaeyri meiN mojood hein. meiN ne jin
tarakeeb ka istemaal kia hae woh bhi bilkul ajnabi nahi heiN zail meiN
Aap ki tawajh k liye chund ashaar hawaly k tor per paish karnay ki
ijazat chahta houN,
Aap ne pehla nukta sar-e-darbar per uthaya hae aur is bundish ko
ghalat kaha hae
ab zara ye ashaar bhi mulahiza farmaiye,
1. paRa reh ae dil-e-wabasta betabi se kia hasil
magar phir tab-e-zulf-e-purshikan ki Aazmaish hae ( Ghalib)
yahaN dil-e-wabasta ki bundish per tawajah kijiye
2.kahaN tuk dostooN ki bedili ka hum kareiN matam
chalo is baar bhi hum hi sar-e-maqtal nikaltay heiN ( Habib jalib)
is sher meiN sar-e-maqtal ki bundish dekhiye
3.hum ehl-e-dil,sar-e-bazar-e-dunya
khaRay heiN,raasta milta nahi hae ( Amjad Islam Amjad)
yahaN bhi sar-e-bazar ki bundish mulahiza ho
Aap ne dosra etiraaz libas-e-fakhira per kia hae, mulahiza farmaiye
1. talash-e-rizq meiN nikla tha ghar se
ab apnay Aap ko meiN dhoondta houN ( Mohsin Bhopali)
is sher mein talash-e-rizq ki bundish dekhiye ga
2.hawa-e-sham-e-gham bojhal nahi hae
chiragh-e-Aarzoo jalta nahi hae. ( Amjad Islam Amjad)
3libas-e-ehl-e-taqwa per nahi kuch munhasir waez
kaheiN kia hum ne kis kis bhais meiN dekha hae dunya ko ( Shad
Azeemabadi)
lijiye sahab libas ki "seen" bhi yahan sabab khafif ki surat ikhtiyar
kar gai hae.
Aap ne aik etiraaz sher 6 meiN lafz k per kiya hae keh yahan k "goya
dub rahi hae" ye surat bhi bilkul jaeiz hae aur is sher meiN lafz
"kaaf aur ya " mein
"ya" gir jati hae(ya majhool honay k sabab) aur "kaaf" ko lafz
"manzar" k sath mila ker paRheiN, is ki bhi beshumar misalein urdu
urooz mein hein, tawalat ko mad-e-nazar rakhtay huway mazeed ashaar ke
hawalooN se guraiz kartay huway ijazaat chahta houn,( bhai hum no
mashq zaroor heiN per itnay bhi nahi),az rah-e-mazaq bura na maanye
ga.
moazzam
Zoya saheba
tasleemat, Aap ne mujhay saraha hae buhat buhat suhukria jahaN tuk
darney ya ghabraney ka mumamila hae tu ye adabi mehfil hae hum sub
yahaN aik dosray se seekhnay k liye shamil huway heiN, hasool-e-ilm ki
koi hud nahi aur koi waqt nahi.
dua ka talib
moazzam
Raj Kumar
Mo'azzam Saahib:
aap ki haseen Ghazal paRhi aur (kisi had tak!) faiz-yaab bhi huaa!.
:-))
bhai, yeh Ghazal agarche jadeed raNg ki hai magar hai to Ghazal! is
liye, aap ki yeh taKhleeq ham ALUPers ke liye utni hi maaya-e-naaz hai
jitni ki puraani vaz'a ki GhazleN huaa karti haiN!
jahaaN tak haaliya Ghazal ki baihr ka savaal hai, ALUP-dostoN ki
Khidmat meiN arz hai k yeh baihr koi 'extra-terrestrial' naheeN hai
--- bas aap ustaad DaaGh ki dilkash Ghazal
mohabbat ka asar jaataa kahaaN hai?
hamaaraa dard-e-sar jaataa kahaaN hai?
paRhiye aur un ki is baihr ke aakhir meiN aek "extra" lafz bar-vazn 2
lagaa deejiye to Mo'azzam Saahib ki baihr ban jaati hai! That is
all!!!
aur agar ham is seedhi si baat ko zehn-nisheen kar leN to aap ke sabhi
misre bar-vazn haiN --- in that sense, an in-depth study of this
Ghazal might be an excellent 'exercise' for our nau-mashq sho'araa!
ba-har-haal, Mo'azzam Saahib, mera jhagRaa aap se agar hai to aap ki
be-haNgam 'transliteration' par hai. For instance, huzoor, lafz 'tak'
(as in 'kal tak') aur lafz 'tuk' (as in 'koi tuk naheeN banti') meiN
kuchh to imtiyaaz baratiye! are miyaaN, agar aap ne is baat ka Khayaal
na rakkha to, yaqeen jaaniye, k aek din aap ka 'dam' (as in 'dam
maaro, dam') kisi ghoRe ki 'dum' ban kar reh jaaye ga! :-))
ab agar maiN hujra-nisheeN apni jaan-e-hazeeN ki amaaN paaooN to arz
karooN k
-------
-------
-------
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > > Miray lafzooN meiN dil ke taar boleiN ge
> > > Tiray lub per miray ash'aar boleiN ge
matla bahut Khoob hai, albatta lafzooN --- lafzoN aur lub ----> lab!
> > >
> > > Abhi ek moujizah hona ye baqi hae
> > > Miray haq meiN yahaN kohsaar boleiN ge
Pleeeeeease, ek ---> ik! baqi ----> baaqi.
kohsaar boleN ge --- is their a reference here to "koh-e-toor" jahaaN
hamaare hazrat-e-Moosa ki qala'ii khuli thi?
agar yihi baat hai to aap 'yahaaN' ki bajaaye 'kayee' kahiye --- taake
aap ki baat aur bhi mohkam ho paaye ---
kayooN-k, us soorat meiN, aap ke 'kohsaar' se muraad sirf kooh-e-toor
hi naheeN hoga bal-k kailaash parbat bhi hoga!
How about that? :-))
> > >
> > > Wafa per jub koi ilzaam aye ga
> > > Tu mehlooN ke dar-o-divaar boleinN ge
wafa ---> wafaa
jub ---jab
aye ---> aaye
Tu ---> to
mehlooN ---> mehloN
divaar ---> diivaar
I think, these few examples should make it clear to you that a little
bit of care in transliteration on your part can go a long way in
conveying to your readers what you so keenly (and justifiably) want to
convey.
Frankly, I have a lot more to say on the rest of your ash'aar but I am
not sure how keen or eager you are to listen to my 'sermon'. In any
case, the fact remains that I fully enjoyed every she'r of your
Ghazal, didn't find any technical defect in them --- except for a
pretty poor transliteration on your part!
In passing, just one more comment!
> > >
> > > Hamara hi likha hae naam naizooN per
> > > humi'N such bhi sar-e-darbar boleiN ge
> > >
> > > Libas-e-fakhirah se chup nahi sakta
> > > Nasab tera tiray atwaar boleiN ge
> > >
> > > Naey mousam,naey khawbooN ke manzar meiN
> > > Naey chehray naey kirdaar boleiN ge
> > >
> > > Saeed ek din hawa ke narm jhoNkay bhi
> > > Tira lehjah, tiray afkaar boleiN ge
>
> Zoya saheba
> tasleemat, Aap ne mujhay saraha hae buhat buhat suhukria.
huzoor, maiN ne bhi Zoya biTiya ka voh Khat paRhaa hai jis meiN unhoN
ne aap ki is 'post' ke javaab meiN apne ta'assuraat baham pahuNchaaye
haiN --- magar aap ka yeh kehna k "Aap ne mujhe saraaha hai" yaa to
aap ki Khaam-Khayaali hai yaa phir Khush-fehmi hai! are miyaan, unhoN
ne to faqat aap ke kalaam ko saraaha hai --- Khud aap ke baare meiN to
kuchh bhi naheeN kahaa!
These men! LOLOLOLOL
R.K.
Sarwar Alam Raz
> ab zara ye ashaar bhi mulahiza farmaiye,
----------------------------------------------------------------------
muHibbee Moazzam saaheb: aadaab arz hai!
javaab.e.Khat ke liye mamnoon hooN. der aayad, durust aayad! maiN to
yeh samajh rahaa thaa k shaayad aap bhool gaye. ab ma'loom huaa k aap
ta'teelaat se lazzat.yaab ho rahe the! Alvi saaheb tak salaam
poNhchaane kaa shukriya qubool keejiye.
aap ke Khat kaa pehlaa Hissa javaab.talab naheeN hai. albatta doosre
Hisse per kuChh kahaa jaa saktaa hai. maiN ne aap ke chand misroN kee
jaanib ishaara kiyaa thaa. un kee mubai'yyana KhaamiyoN ke javaaz meiN
aap ne jo misaaleN marHamat farmaa'ee haiN un se inkaar naheeN hai.
asaatiza ke kalaam meiN mazkoora sooratoN kee bohat see imsaal miltee
haiN. dekhne kee baat yeh hai k unhoN ne kaheeN yeh naheen kahaa hai k
yeh soorateN ma'yoob naheeN haiN! bar.aks iss ke jin asaatiza ne iss
mas'ale per likhaa hai unhoN ne vaazeH taur se likhaa hai k yeh
soorateN naaqis haiN. Molana Hasrat Mohani kee kitaab
:nikaat.e.suKhan: iss kee bohat aChhee misaal hai. lutf yeh hai k Khud
Molana Hasrat Mohani ka kalaam bhee in se paak naheeN hai. lekin un
kee faraaKh.dilee kee daad denee hee paRtee hai k voh Khud apne kalaam
se bhee aise hee ash'aar mu'aaib.e.suKhan kee misaaloN ke taur per
pesh karte haiN! meraa Khayaal hai k yeh naqaa'is.e.Khafee ke shumaar
meiN aa sakte haiN aur jiss taraH :Ghalat.ul.aam: faseeH ho gayaa hai
usee taraH alfaaz ke dabne kee mazkoora soorateN bhee aam ho kar
qaabil.e.qubool ho gayee haiN. Khud meraa naam.nihad kalaam bhee in se
paak naheeN hai. albatta maiN iss kaa qaa'il zaroor hooN k Ghalat ko
Ghalat hee samjhooN aur mumkin ho to iss se bachooN. shaayad iss moqif
kaa javaaz apne zehn meiN yeh keh kar pedaa kar letaa hooN k
:naqal.e.kufr kufr na baashad:!
aap kee tavajjuh kaa shukriya. kyaa hee aChhaa hotaa k aap un nikaat
per bhee raushnee Daal dete jo maiN ne apne Khat ke pehle Hisse meiN
uThaa'e the.
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Sarvjit Goraya
Namaste Ji,
> paRhiye aur un ki is baihr ke aakhir meiN aek "extra" lafz bar-vazn 2
> lagaa deejiye to Mo'azzam Saahib ki baihr ban jaati hai! That is
> all!!!
I tried to follow Mo'azzam Saahib's ghazal and arrived at the same
conclusion,...however, is this a norm to add extra 2 ....just like
that. I would agree that in this case adding another 2 does not spoil
the rhythm, but can this be done willy-nilly. I tried to follow Sarwar
Sahaab's notes about rules of bahr creation by modifying an existing
arkaan-string, but could not understand those. To my untrained mind it
appeared that contractions and expansions were 'just done', I could
not understand the rules governing those.
Can someone explain this process in simple and logical way?
Regards and Respects
Sarvjit Goraya
Moazzam Saeed
tasleemaat,
Thanks a lot for pointing out my transliteration mistakes,I am sure
you would agree with me, that writing urdu, in roman script is
difficult, particularly in the absence of, one well recognized
standard.But,I do agree with your all observations and sure will try
to improve it.As for as my reply to zoya bitiya
is concerned iss se meri muraad ghazal hi hai,janab ham to umr ke us
hissay meiN heiN jahaan se khush fehmiyaaN bhi rukhsat hojati heiN,
laikin mujhay ab andazah ho raha hai keh is bazm meiN alfaaz ke
chunaao meiN kitni ehtiyaat baratna paRe gi.
Moazzam Saeed
Sarwar Alam Raz
>
> Sarwar Sahib,
>
> kuhsaar bolte haiN, hawaa bhii boltii hai! aur koii kisii kaa lehja
> bhii bol saktaa hai, zaraa tasawwur to kiijiiye!!
Zoya saaheba: sat Sri Akal!
meHfil meiN vaapasee ke liye shukriya qubool keejiye!
aap to Khafaa ho gayeeN! :-)) aap Khud hee sochiye k agar mujh ko
iss meiN shubah hotaa k kuhsaar, lehja vaGhaira vaaqa'ee bol sakte
haiN to maiN shaa'iree kiss taraH kartaa? vaise aap kee DaaNT se
tasdeeq ho gayee k ab aap ab un fikroN kaa shikaar naheeN haiN jinhoN
ne piChhle dinoN aap ko udaas kar rakhaa thaa!
shaa'iree meiN taqreeban her cheez hee :bol saktee hai:. bal.k jo log
ma'rafat ke ooNche madaarij per poNhche hote haiN voh to :ooper vaale:
se bhee :baat karne: per qaadir hote haiN! haaN shaayad un kee
guftugoo ke tareeqe se her shaKhs vaaqif naheeN hotaa hai.
ash'aar meiN jab daryaa, kohsaar, dil, dard, chaaNd yaa aisee hee
ko'ee shaKhsiyyat (entity) baat kartee hai to she'r ke seyaaq.o.sabaaq
(context) se, uss kee bunat se, doosre alfaaz ke HavaaloN se, uss ke
pas.manzar se yaa issee taraH kee kisee aur buniyaad se yeh :bolnaa:
qaaree per vaazeH ho jaataa hai. agar uss per she'r apne raaz foran
naheeN kholtaa hai to bhee zaraa se tafakkur aur :tasavvur: :-)) se
shaa'ir kaa matlab zaahir ho jaataa hai.
aap ko meree teHreer se jo muGhaalita huaa hai (k maiN be.jaan yaa
Ghair.mar'ee cheezoN ko :bolne: se ma'zoor samajhtaa hooN) uss kee
zimmedaar meree muKhtasar.naveesee kee aadat ho saktee hai jo ab iss
qadar puKhta ho chukee hai k yehee keh kar Khaamosh ho jaanaa paRtaa
hai k:
umr saaree to kaTee ishq.e.butaaN meiN :Momin:
aaKhiree vaqt meiN kyaa Khaak musalmaaN hoN ge!
meree iss kamzoree se agar aap chashm.poshee iKhtiyaar kareN to maiN
aap ko chand Khoobsoorat ash'aar sunaa'ooN jo :bolne, kehne: kee
mazkoora sooratoN kee tashreeH aur soorat.garee karte haiN. dekhiye k
in ke tanaazur meiN mere voh kalimaat kyaa vaaqa'ee be.sood the jo aap
kee Khafgee kaa baa'is hue?
voh abroo yeh kehte haiN ma'loom hogaa
jab uss teGh kaa saamnaa keejiye gaa! (Mast Banarasi)
kahiyo ae baad.e.sabaa biChhRe hue yaaroN ko
raah miltee hee naheeN dasht ke aavaaroN ko (Mir Soz)
kyaa kehtee hai yeh chashm.e.fusooN.gar ussey dekho
lo ham na kaheN ge sitam.eejaad kisee ko (Ma'il
Dehlavi)
Khudaa ke vaaste haathoN meiN teGh.e.KhooN.fishaaN leeje
jhukaa parTaa hai sar, kehtaa hai :meraa imtiHaaN leeje: (Banvari Lal
:Sho'la)
maiN Hairat.o.Hasrat kaa maaraa, Khaamosh khaRaa hooN saaHil per
daryaa.e.muHabbat kehtaa hai, :aa! kuChh bhee naheeN, paayaab haiN
ham!: (Shad Azimabadi)
uss gul kee baaGh meiN jo sabaa ne chalaa'ee baat
Ghunche ne muskuraa ke kahaa :ham ne paa'ee baat:!
ab aap zer.e.beHs ash'aar per tafakkur aur tasavvur ke ghoRe
dauRaa'iye aur mujh ko ijaazat deejiye k meree apnee :boltee band:
huaa chaahtee hai! :--))
Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Zoya
> rajkum...@hotmail.com (Raj Kumar) wrote in message
> > Mo'azzam Saahib:
> >
> > >
> > > Zoya saheba
> > > tasleemat, Aap ne mujhay saraha hae buhat buhat suhukria.
> >
> > huzoor, maiN ne bhi Zoya biTiya ka voh Khat paRhaa hai jis meiN unhoN
> > ne aap ki is 'post' ke javaab meiN apne ta'assuraat baham pahuNchaaye
> > haiN --- magar aap ka yeh kehna k "Aap ne mujhe saraaha hai" yaa to
> > aap ki Khaam-Khayaali hai yaa phir Khush-fehmi hai! are miyaan, unhoN
> > ne to faqat aap ke kalaam ko saraaha hai --- Khud aap ke baare meiN to
> > kuchh bhi naheeN kahaa!
> >
> > These men! LOLOLOLOL
> >
> > R.K.
> Janab R.K.Qais sahab
> tasleemaat,
> As for as my reply to zoya bitiya
> is concerned iss se meri muraad ghazal hi hai,janab ham to umr ke us
> hissay meiN heiN jahaan se khush fehmiyaaN bhi rukhsat hojati heiN,
> laikin mujhay ab andazah ho raha hai keh is bazm meiN alfaaz ke
> chunaao meiN kitni ehtiyaat baratna paRe gi.
> Moazzam Saeed
Moazzam Sahib,
aap shaayad abhii in_he jaante nahiiN hai, yeh apne RK Sahib kii to
mazaaq karne kii puraanii aadat hai! aap_ko in_kii baatoN meiN aa kar
ehtiyaat baratne kii bil_kul zarrurat nahiiN hai, vo bhii Khaas taur
jab aap mujh_se muKhaatib hoN!! All I want to say is: join the club!!!
ab aap kii ijaazat se Gulzaar Sahib kaa yeh sher merii taraf se RK
Sahib kii nazr:
ham to kitnoN ko mah_jabiiN kehte,
AAP haiN, is liye nahiiN kehte!!!!
Now what do you say, gentlemen?!
________________Zoya
UVR
> Alup ke sub dostooN ki khidmat meiN salaam.Is bazm meiN janabRK,janab
> Sarwar,janab Irfan,janab Vasim Abidi aur digar moutaber ehl-e-qalam
> hazraat ki mojodigi se yaqinun mujh jaise noumashq ko seekhnay ka
> mouqa milay ga, meiN aap sub ke taawun ka talabgaar houN.Buhat darte
> darte aik ghazal paish karnay ki jasarat kar raha houN umeed hae apni
> rae se agah farmaeiN ge.
> Dua ka talib
> Moazzam Saeed
mohtaram Moazzam saahib,
maiN bhi aap kaa is bazm-e-sh'er-o-suKhan meN istiqbaal kartaa hooN.
Khush-aamdeed.
aap ki Ghazal paRhi aur us kaa bharpoor lutf uThaayaa. Khaas taur
se matla, ash'aar #2, 5 aur 6 bahut pasand aaye. meri jaanib se
mubaarak_baad qubool farmaaiye. Ghazal sunaane kaa bahut shukriya!
zail meN chand sawaalaat likh rahaa hooN. waqt mile to dekh leN.
> Miray lafzooN meiN dil ke taar boleiN ge
> Tiray lub per miray ash'aar boleiN ge
>
> Abhi ek moujizah hona ye baqi hae
> Miray haq meiN yahaN kohsaar boleiN ge
>
> Wafa per jub koi ilzaam aye ga
> Tu mehlooN ke dar-o-divaar boleinN ge
wafaa par ilzaam aane kaa dar-o-deevaar ke bolne se kyaa ta'alluq
hai, yeh mujh haqeer-zehn ke "palle" na paR sakaa. wazaahat talab
kar saktaa hooN?
> Hamara hi likha hae naam naizooN per
> humi'N such bhi sar-e-darbar boleiN ge
>
> Libas-e-fakhirah se chup nahi sakta
> Nasab tera tiray atwaar boleiN ge
>
> Naey mousam,naey khawbooN ke manzar meiN
> Naey chehray naey kirdaar boleiN ge
yeh sh'er behad pasand aayaa; bahut Khoob!
> Saeed ek din hawa ke narm jhoNkay bhi
> Tira lehjah, tiray afkaar boleiN ge
is sh'er ko ka_ii dafa paRhaa, magar har baar zehn isee manzil
par aa khaRaa huaa k agar yeh sh'er yooN hotaa to kyaa baat thi:
Saeed ik din hawaa ke narm jhoNkoN meN
tiraa lahjah, tire afkaar boleNge
zaahir hai, yahaaN bhi aap kaa sh'er samajhne se maiN qaasir
rahaa. is ki bhi wazaahat ke liye peshgi shukriyaa qubool kareN.
mKhls,
UVR.
Raj Kumar
> > > > tasleemat, Aap ne mujhay saraha hae buhat buhat suhukria.
> > >
> > > huzoor, maiN ne bhi Zoya biTiya ka voh Khat paRhaa hai jis meiN unhoN
> > > ne aap ki is 'post' ke javaab meiN apne ta'assuraat baham pahuNchaaye
> > > haiN --- magar aap ka yeh kehna k "Aap ne mujhe saraaha hai" yaa to
> > > aap ki Khaam-Khayaali hai yaa phir Khush-fehmi hai! are miyaan, unhoN
> > > ne to faqat aap ke kalaam ko saraaha hai --- Khud aap ke baare meiN to
> > > kuchh bhi naheeN kahaa!
> > >
> > > These men! LOLOLOLOL
> > >
> > > R.K.
>
> > Janab R.K.Qais sahab
>
> > tasleemaat,
>
> > As far as my reply to zoya bitiya
> > is concerned, iss se meri muraad ghazal hi hai,janab ham to umr ke us
> > hissay meiN heiN jahaan se khush fehmiyaaN bhi rukhsat hojati heiN,
> > laikin mujhay ab andazah ho raha hai keh is bazm meiN alfaaz ke
> > chunaao meiN kitni ehtiyaat baratna paRe gi.
>
> > Moazzam Saeed
>
>
> Moazzam Sahib,
>
> aap shaayad abhii in_heN jaante nahiiN haiN, yeh apne RK Sahib kii to
> mazaaq karne kii puraanii aadat hai! aap_ko in_kii baatoN meiN aa kar
> ehtiyaat baratne kii bil_kul zarrurat nahiiN hai, vo bhii Khaas taur
> jab aap mujh_se muKhaatib hoN!! All I want to say is: join the club!!!
>
> ab aap kii ijaazat se Gulzaar Sahib kaa yeh sher merii taraf se RK
> Sahib kii nazr:
>
> ham to kitnoN ko mah_jabiiN kehte,
> AAP haiN, is liye nahiiN kehte!!!!
>
> Now what do you say, gentlemen?!
>
>
is bazm meiN "gentlemen" jo hoN ge voh to is baat ka javaab dete hi
deN ge ---
fil-haal to, Zoya ji, aap mujh ahqar-e-haft-aasmaaN ko is savaal ka
javaab dene ki ijaazat deN to
"haj ka savaab nazr karooN ga huzoor ki"!
bhai, yeh kyaa? idhar apne Mo'azzam Saahib to aql-maNd Thaihre k mujh
faqeer-e-be-taqseer ka ishaara samajh gaye ---
aur udhar aap haiN k unheN mazeed 'liberty' lene par uksaa rahi haiN!
tch tch tch!
lagta hai k ab aap ko bhi aek adad chetaavani ki avashyakta hai. aur,
chooN-k aap hamesha ham par she'r chaspaaN karti haiN is liye, yeh
rahaa aek she'r aap ke liye! arz hai k
bazm meiN jaanib-e-aGhiyaar na dekho, dekho!
dekha aap ne is misre ka tevar?
ab zaraa poora she'r suniye:
bazm meiN jaanib-e-aGhiyaar na dekho, dekho!
dekho, chal jaaye gi talvaar, na dekho, dekho!!!!!!!!!!!
ab agar Mo'azzam Saahib ko aap ki (aur Khud apni!) bhalaa'ii maqsood
hai to
aaN-hazrat balaa ke mohtaat hoN ge aur aap ki is "be-mahal shaih" ka
faa'ida uThaane se har mumkin gurez kareN ge!
ab aap kaheN gi k hamaare Raj uncle to baRE hi "mazaaqiya" haiN.
No, no, no, beTa, jo log mujhe ba-Khoobi jaante haiN voh to
sub'h-o-shaam meri saNjeedagi ka dam bharte haiN. bas aek aap hi haiN
k mujh Ghareeb ko is qadar Ghalat samajh rakkha hai! :-)) bal-k LOL
LOL, bal-k ROTFL
Khair-aNdesh, Raj Kumar
Moazzam Saeed
meiN aap ka shukria ada karta houN keh aap ne iss nacheez ki ghazal
paRhi aur apni qeemti rae likhi,mujhay yehi umeed thi keh iss bazm
meiN shamil hokar mujhay yaqeenun buhat kuch seekhne ne ka mouqa milay
ga,aur yaqeen kijiye yahaaN
sub dostooN ne jis khuloos ke sath apnay tabsare aur tameeri tanqeed
likhi hae woh qabil-e-sata'ish hae.meiN ghazal ke maqaty se khud bhi
mutma'ein nahi tha aur meiN ne is ka izhaar janab Jameel sahab ki rae
ke jawab meiN bhi kia tha
aap ne goya mera mas'ala hal kardia, meiN is isslaah per buhat mamnoon
houN,waqa'ie sher buhat saNvar gaya hae mujhay ijazat dijiye keh meiN
iss ko
shamil kar louN.JahaN tuk us sher ka talluq hae keh mehloN ke
dar-o-devaar boleiN ge, tu arz ye hae,ab mujhay ilm nahi keh mein uss
meiN kis had tuk kamyaab huwa houN woh asl meiN mughliya dour ka woh
tareekhi saneha hae jis meiN
mohabbat ke jurm meiN aik kaneez ko devaar meiN chunwa dia gaya tha
hosakta hae
meiN apna khayal wazeh na karsaka houN,shukria
moazzam
UVR
> u...@usa.net (UVR) wrote in message news:<9c085b63.02122...@posting.google.com>...
>
>>>
>>>Tu mehlooN ke dar-o-divaar boleinN ge
>>
>>wafaa par ilzaam aane kaa dar-o-deevaar ke bolne se kyaa ta'alluq
>>hai, yeh mujh haqeer-zehn ke "palle" na paR sakaa. wazaahat talab
>>kar saktaa hooN?
>>
>>>Tira lehjah, tiray afkaar boleiN ge
>>
>>is sh'er ko ka_ii dafa paRhaa, magar har baar zehn isee manzil
>>par aa khaRaa huaa k agar yeh sh'er yooN hotaa to kyaa baat thi:
>>
>>Saeed ik din hawaa ke narm jhoNkoN meN
>>tiraa lahjah, tire afkaar boleNge
>>
>>zaahir hai, yahaaN bhi aap kaa sh'er samajhne se maiN qaasir
>>rahaa. is ki bhi wazaahat ke liye peshgi shukriyaa qubool kareN.
>>
>>
>>mKhls,
>>UVR.
>
> Janab UVR sahab
>
> mutma'ein nahi tha aur meiN ne is ka izhaar janab Jameel sahab ki rae
> ke jawab meiN bhi kia tha
> aap ne goya mera mas'ala hal kardia, meiN is isslaah per buhat mamnoon
> houN,waqa'ie sher buhat saNvar gaya hae mujhay ijazat dijiye keh meiN
shauq se shaamil keejiye, Moazzam saahib! Khayaal bhi aap kaa
hai, sh'er bhi. maiN ne to mahz ma'amooli si tabdeeli tajveez
kii thi (ise "islaah" na kaheN). lekin haaN, meri ek *shart*
zaroor hai -- go k maiN muft meN kuchh naheeN diyaa kartaa :)
ghabraaiyega naheeN, huzoor, shart baRi maamooli si hai -- jo
"Ghazal" maiN ne aaj post kii hai, us par apni raaye se mujhe
zaroor aagaah kareN. bas! :)
> JahaN tuk us sher ka talluq hae keh mehloN ke
> dar-o-devaar boleiN ge, tu arz ye hae,ab mujhay ilm nahi keh mein uss
> meiN kis had tuk kamyaab huwa houN woh asl meiN mughliya dour ka woh
> tareekhi saneha hae jis meiN
> mohabbat ke jurm meiN aik kaneez ko devaar meiN chunwa dia gaya tha
> hosakta hae
> meiN apna khayal wazeh na karsaka houN,shukria
> moazzam
wazaahat ke liye aap kaa mamnoon hooN. sh'er paRhkar is manzar
kaa tasawwur naheeN kar paaya -- shaayad isliye k us kaneez par
"ilzaam-e-wafa" naheeN "tohmat-e-muhabbat" lagi thi (shaayad
'wafa' aur 'muhabbat' ke baahami rabt-o-farq par ek nazar
be-mahal na hogi). ek baat aur, us par tohmat lagi bhi thi to
sirf isliye k woh *kaneez* ho kar *shahzaade* se "aaNkheN chaar"
kar rahi thi. agar Anarkali Khud kisi raje-mahaaraje ki beTi
hoti, aur Saleem us ko dil de baiThaa hotaa, to baRi dhoom-dhaam
se biyaah hotaa!
Khair, yeh to sirf meraa nuqta-e-nazar hai. aap ke sh'er kaa is
se kyaa lenaa-denaa? :)
mKhls,
-UVR.
Irfan 'Abid'
moazzam sb, aadaab!
aap se deegar mahfiloN meN mulaaqaat hotii rahtii hai, aur aap ko
yahaaN dekh kar behad Khushii huii. Khush.aamdeed! aap kii Ghazal par
tafseelii tabsire kaa iraadaa thaa, lekin vaqt aur tabee.at donoN
saath dene se baaz rahe. Khair, ab yahii kah kar apnaa farz adaa kiye
detaa huuN ki Ghazal pasand aayii aur aap kii aaindah Ghazaliyaat kaa
intizaar rahegaa.
niyaazmand,
Irfan :Abid:
Zoya
> Zoya saaheba: sat Sri Akal!
>
> meHfil meiN vaapasee ke liye shukriya qubool keejiye!
>
> aap to Khafaa ho gayeeN! :-)) aap Khud hee sochiye k agar mujh ko
> iss meiN shubah hotaa k kuhsaar, lehja vaGhaira vaaqa'ee bol sakte
> haiN to maiN shaa'iree kiss taraH kartaa? vaise aap kee DaaNT se
> tasdeeq ho gayee k ab aap ab un fikroN kaa shikaar naheeN haiN jinhoN
> ne piChhle dinoN aap ko udaas kar rakhaa thaa!
Sarwar Sahib,
Thank you so much for all the support and affection that you have
given me over the past year. Yes, things are indeed getting better.
After having gone through what I have, my outlook on life has changed
somewhat. We really don't know what the future might hold, so I am
trying to grab every small joy and live every moment fully.
ab aap yeh bataaiiey k maiN bhalaa aap ko kaise DaaNT saktii huuN,
maiN_ne to kabhii apne beToN ko bhii nahiiN DaaNTaa! aur Sarwar Sahib,
aap yeh kabhii mat socheN k maiN aap se Khafaa huuN, it takes a lot to
make me mad, so don't worry!
> aap ko meree teHreer se jo muGhaalita huaa hai (k maiN be.jaan yaa
> Ghair.mar'ee cheezoN ko :bolne: se ma'zoor samajhtaa hooN) uss kee
> zimmedaar meree muKhtasar.naveesee kee aadat ho saktee hai jo ab iss
> qadar puKhta ho chukee hai k yehee keh kar Khaamosh ho jaanaa paRtaa
> hai k:
>
> umr saaree to kaTee ishq.e.butaaN meiN :Momin:
> aaKhiree vaqt meiN kyaa Khaak musalmaaN hoN ge!
yeh bhalaa kya baat huii, idhar aap aaKhirii vaqt kaa zikr kar rahe
haiN aur udhar Moazzan Sahib bhii keh rahe haiN k voh umr ke us hisse
maiN haiN k koii Khush_fehamii baaqii nahiiN rahii! aur abhii kal
parsoN kii baat hai k maiN apne ek aur dost se baat kar rahii thii jo
k bahut naamii shaayar haiN. un_kii email un_kaa beTaa check kartaa
hai! maiN_ne kahaa, Sahib aap email check karnaa to siikh liijiiye,
agar kisii sahelii ne email bhejnii ho to kyaa beTaa pa.Dh kar
sunaayega? to jawaab milaa: koii fark nahiiN pa.Dtaa, ab to merii
saheliiyaaN bhii buDhii ho gaii haiN! ab aap hii bataayiiye maiN aise
dostoN ko mast sher na sunaayooN to aur kya karuuN?!
> meree iss kamzoree se agar aap chashm.poshee iKhtiyaar kareN to maiN
> aap ko chand Khoobsoorat ash'aar sunaa'ooN jo :bolne, kehne: kee
> mazkoora sooratoN kee tashreeH aur soorat.garee karte haiN. dekhiye k
> in ke tanaazur meiN mere voh kalimaat kyaa vaaqa'ee be.sood the jo aap
> kee Khafgee kaa baa'is hue?
>
> voh abroo yeh kehte haiN ma'loom hogaa
> jab uss teGh kaa saamnaa keejiye gaa! (Mast Banarasi)
>
> kahiyo ae baad.e.sabaa biChhRe hue yaaroN ko
> raah miltee hee naheeN dasht ke aavaaroN ko (Mir Soz)
>
> kyaa kehtee hai yeh chashm.e.fusooN.gar ussey dekho
> lo ham na kaheN ge sitam.eejaad kisee ko (Ma'il
> Dehlavi)
>
> Khudaa ke vaaste haathoN meiN teGh.e.KhooN.fishaaN leeje
> jhukaa parTaa hai sar, kehtaa hai :meraa imtiHaaN leeje: (Banvari Lal
> :Sho'la)
>
> maiN Hairat.o.Hasrat kaa maaraa, Khaamosh khaRaa hooN saaHil per
> daryaa.e.muHabbat kehtaa hai, :aa! kuChh bhee naheeN, paayaab haiN
> ham!: (Shad Azimabadi)
>
> uss gul kee baaGh meiN jo sabaa ne chalaa'ee baat
> Ghunche ne muskuraa ke kahaa :ham ne paa'ee baat:!
>
> ab aap zer.e.beHs ash'aar per tafakkur aur tasavvur ke ghoRe
> dauRaa'iye aur mujh ko ijaazat deejiye k meree apnee :boltee band:
> huaa chaahtee hai! :--))
aap ne vaa'qi bolte hue ashaar sunaaye haiN, mujhe pasaNd bhii aaye
haiN, shukriya. magar baat suniiye, idhar aap ke ashaar meiN teghoN
kaa zikr hai aur udhar RK Sahib talwaar chalaataa huaa sher merii nazr
kar rahe haiN! ab jo scenario mere tasawwur meiN aa rahaaa hai, use
dekh kar to sochtii huuN k maiN bhii Alup par zaraa ehtiyaat bartna
shuruu kar duuN, before I get into any more trouble and Khursheed
Almost Maamuu bans my entry here!
_________________Zoya
>
> Sarwar Raz :Sarwar:
Yashowanto N. Ghosh
Welcome to a.l.u.p.!---aap kee Ghazal bahut achchhee lagee---Khaas
taur par matla' aur #6. meree taraf se ise sunaane kaa shukriyaa
qubool keejiye!
With best regards,
Jasho.
moa...@batelco.com.bh (Moazzam Saeed) wrote in message news:<f698b98e.02121...@posting.google.com>...