Kids
Me
Why We Love Children
> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
> dead.
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.
> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
> didn't move."
> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
> "What?"
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your chance.
Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?"
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
> "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
> The boy thought it over and said,
> "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
> until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay
out!'"
> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
> a mother was tucking her son into bed.
> She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in
his
> voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> "The big sissy."
> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
> children's
> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
>
> as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
> "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone,
> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
> 6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old
> came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
> the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
tummy."
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> 7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
> "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of
a bitch is nine...."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
> "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
> Little
> to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
> tried
>
> to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
>
> Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky
is
> falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class,
>
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said,
> "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
>
> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
Sugarbrown."
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
>
> "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
> 10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with
the
> boys?"
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
> rough."
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
>
> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
>
> She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
>
> eating a snack cake
>
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your
> Twinkie."
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
10xOXR
"Me" <jch...@hitechnetworks.net> wrote in message
news:101g3le...@corp.supernews.com...