YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN . . .
Dave Beddows
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN . . .
~ You don't sweat, you percolate.
~ Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
~ When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the
last drop."
~ You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
~ Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
~ Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
~ You ski uphill.
~ You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
~ You speed-walk in your sleep.
~ You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
~ You just completed another sweater and you don't know how
to knit.
~ You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
~ You sleep with your eyes open.
~ You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
~ The only time you're standing still is during an
earthquake.
~ You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
without using the timer.
~ You lick your coffeepot clean.
~ You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
~ Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
~ You chew on other people's fingernails.
~ The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your
pulse.
~ You can type 60 words per minute with your feet.
~ You can jump-start your car without cables.
~ All your kids are named "Joe."
~ You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
~ Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
~ You buy milk by the barrel.
~ You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
~ You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
~ You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
~ Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down.
~ You've built a miniature city out of little plastic
stirrers.
~ People get dizzy just watching you.
~ You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
~ The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
~ Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
~ Your taste buds are so numb, you could drink your lava
lamp.
~ You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
~ People can test their batteries in your ears.
~ Instant coffee takes too long.
~ You channel surf faster without a remote.
~ You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the
coffee.
~ You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
~ You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
~ Your Thermos is on wheels.
~ Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
~ You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
~ You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
~ You short out motion detectors.
~ You have a conniption over spilled milk.
~ You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
~ Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
~ You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
~ You don't tan, you roast.
~ You don't get mad, you get steamed.
~ You can't even remember your second cup.
~ You help your dog chase its tail.
~ You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
~ You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
~ You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
~ Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an
I.V. hookup.
--
Dave Beddows (President - BMW Car Club of British Columbia)
mailto:Dave_B...@bc.sympatico.ca