Unfit to read

[frostbyte]

---but I sent it anyway!

[Mohammed Naveed Jamal]

On Tuesday, 17 May 2011 05:01:36 UTC+5, frostbyte wrote:
> ---but I sent it anyway!
>
>

> Two Drunks
>
> Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says
> to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at
> the moon."
>
> The other drunk stops and look at his drunk
> friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon,
> that's the sun."
>
> Both started arguing for a while when they
> come upon another drunk walking so they stopped
> him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument?
> Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's
> shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third
> drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them
> and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
>
> ------------------------------------------------
>
> The Perfect Mate
>
> At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding
> on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her
> friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light
> amongst company. He must be musical, tell jokes,
> sing, and stay home at night!"
>
> An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey,
> if that's all you want, get a TV!"
>
> ------------------------------------------------
>
> New Guy
>
> The new employee stood before the paper shredder
> looking confused.
>
> "Need some help?" a secretary asked.
>
> "Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
>
> "Simple," she said, taking the fat report from
> his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
>
> "Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
>
> -----------------------------------------------
>
> The Gambler
>
> Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after
> lunch to go home. He walked into the house and
> found his wife Sandra in the arms of another
> man.
>
> He started to yell at the interloper, "What
> right have you got to be making love to my wife?"
>
> The man answered calmly, "You may as well know
> that I am in love with Sandra and I would like
> to marry her. I understand you're a gambler.
> Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and
> play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose,
> I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must
> agree to divorce her.... Okay?"
>
> "Okay," replied Michael, "but just to make
> it a little more interesting, why don't we play
> for a dollar a point?"
>
> ---------------------------------------------
>
> Blonde dieting
>
> A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor
> put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly
> for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this
> procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you,
> you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
>
> When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor
> by losing nearly 20 pounds.
>
> "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did
> you follow my instructions?"
>
> The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I
> thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
>
> "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
>
> "No, from skipping."
>
> --------------------------------------------
>
> Mary Jack and Buster
>
> There was a boss who was told by his boss that
> he had to get rid of at least one employee. So
> he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees,
> Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each
> one privately, and let their reactions help guide
> his decision.
>
> So he called in Jack, explained the situation
> and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose
> his job, but he understood the boss's situation.
>
> Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've
> got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got
> to lay you or Jack off...'
>
> And Mary smiles and says, 'I've got a headache!'
>
> --------------------------------------------
>
> The Looney Bin
>
> Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate
> shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
>
> Another one said, "How do you know?"
>
> The first inmate said, "God told me!"
>
> Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
> "I did not!"
>
> ----------------------------------------------
>
> Nuns -- having fun
>
> It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest
> at the local Catholic Church to ask for the weekend
> off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes.
> Finally, the priest agreed to let them leave
> the convent for the weekend. "However", he said,
> "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want
> you to confess to me what you did over the weekend."
> The four nuns agree, and run off.
>
> Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The
> first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive
> me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks,
> "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched
> an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven
> for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven.
> Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves,
> and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly
> under her breath.
>
> The second nun then goes up to the priest and
> says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
> The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She
> says, "I was driving my brother's car down the
> street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbor’s
> dog and killed it. "The priest looks up to heaven
> for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven.
> Go and drink the holy water." The second nun
> goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing
> quite audibly.
>
> Then the third nun walks to the priest and
> says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
> The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?"
> She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down
> Main Street." The priest looks up at heaven for
> a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives
> you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves.
>
> The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing
> so hard tears run down her cheeks.
>
> The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that
> was so bloody funny?"
>
> The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy
> water..."