Q. Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
A. He was buttering up his teacher.
Q. Do witches stay home on weekends?
A. No. They go away for a spell.
Q. How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?
A. He has a big D on his pajamas.
Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.
Q. How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A. By blood vessels.
Q. How do witches tell the time?
A. Using a witch-watch
Q. How does a witch travel when she doesn't have a broom?
A. She witch hikes!
Q. How does the silly witch know what time it is?
A. She looks at her witch-watch.
Q. What did Dracula say to Wolfman after introducing his new girlfriend?
A. "I've always been a sucker for a pretty face"!
Q. What did the detective say when he solved the case of the missing
A. "Well, that one's about wrapped up!"
Q. What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Q. What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
A. Frankenfurters with Ketchup
Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until your spooken to.
Q. What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
A. "You are driving me batty."
Q. What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
A. The dentist!
Q. What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost when they got into
A. "Don't forget to buckle your sheetbelt!"
Q. What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A. "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back".
Q. What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
A. White Pillowcases
Q. What do baseball players do on Halloween?
A. They practice pitchcraft.
Q. What do ghosts like to do for recreation in their spare time?
A. They go "booling"!
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice Scream
Q. What do ghouls order at McMonsters?
Q. What do little ghosts drink?
A. Evaporated milk.
Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit !
Q. What do spooks call their Navy?
A. The ghost guard.
Q. What do the birds sing on Halloween?
A. Twick or Tweet
Q. What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray
Q. What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A. A holy terror.
Q. What do you call a monster that has been locked in a freezer all
A. A cool ghoul!
Q. What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A. A cereal killer
Q. What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A. A bunch of boo-boos.
Q. What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
Q. What do you call a three-headed deaf monster?
A. Anything you like, as he can't hear you.
Q. What do you get if you cross Jesse James and Dracula?
A. A robbery at the blood bank.
Q. What do you get when you bite a ghost?
A. A mouth full of sheet
Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a dwarf?
A. A monster that sucks blood out of kneecaps!!!
Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Q. What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by
A. Pumpkin Pi
Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Q. What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A. Coffin Drops!
Q. What do you use to repair a Jack O' Lantern?
A. A pumpkin patch.
Q. What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A. A BOO-logna sandwich.
Q. What does a vampire fear most?
A. Tooth decay
Q. What flies through the night, has a black cape, and bites people?
A. A mosquito wearing a black cape.
Q. What goes "Oob, oob?"
A. A witch in reverse.
Q. What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his
A. He was repossessed.
Q. What happened to the monster children who ate all their vegetables?
A. They gruesome.
Q. What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A. He had to give it back.
Q. What happened to the witch who hooked her broom to a space shuttle?
A. She got spaced out.
Q. What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
A. You hear the broom boom.
Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A. Count Duckula
Q. What haunts your house and honks?
Q. What is a ghost's favorite food?
A. Boo-loney sandwich.
Q. What is a ghost's favorite species of bird?
A. The scare crow!
Q. What is a ghost's favorite subject in high school?
A. Boo-ology of course!
Q. What is a werewolf's favorite holiday?
A. "Howloween" !
Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.
Q. What is the most important safety rule for witches?
A. Don't fly off the handle!
Q. What is Transylvania?
A. Dracula's terror-tory
Q. What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A. A blood vessel
Q. What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Q. What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A. A Bloodhound!
Q. What kind of math did the monster student do best?
A. Scare root.
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos
Q. What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A. A wash and wear wolf
Q. What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
A. An amoeboo!
Q. What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
A. Benjamin Frankenstein
Q. What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A. "How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"
Q. What spook lives in the "hundred acre wood"?
A. Winnie the Boo
Q. What time is it when a monster smashes down your front door?
A. Time to get a new door
Q. What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
A. Five after one.
Q. What TV show do all ghosts love to watch?
A. Squeal of Fortune
Q. What two types of music do mummies like best?
A. Rag time and Wrap.
Q. What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
Q. What type of music do ghosts prefer?
A. Spirituals, of course.
Q. What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
Q. What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A. A dead ringer.
Q. What would you find on a haunted beach?
A. A sand witch.
Q. What would you get if you crossed a wolf with a polyester jacket?
A. A wash-and-wearwolf
Q. What's a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist.
Q. What's a monster's favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet.
Q. What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa
A. Grandma monster
Q. What's the best place for a mirror?
A. In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.
Q. What's the difference between a coffin and a letterbox?
A. You don't know? - well, i won't send you to post a letter.
Q. What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
A. They boo-kle their seatbelts
Q. When a witch lands, where does she park?
A. In a broom closet.
Q. When do ghosts usually appear?
A. Just before someone screams.
Q. When does a ghost need a license?
A. During "haunting" season.
Q. When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A. When you're a mouse..
Q. Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A. At a blood bank
Q. Where did they put Dracula when he was arrested?
A. In a red bloodcell!
Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers
Q. Where do monsters go for sunset sails?
A. Lake Eee-rie
Q. Where do mummies go for a swim?
A. To the dead sea
Q. Where does Count Dracula make his withdrawals?
A. At the blood bank.
Q. Where does Dracula water ski?
A. On Lake Erie
Q. Who belongs to the monster PTA?
A. The mummies and deadies!
Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.
Q. Who did the boy monster take to the Halloween dance?
A. His bootiful ghoul-friend.
Q. Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike?
A. The skeleton crew!
Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body
Q. Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
A. Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's.
Q. Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
A. Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
Q. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin
Q. Why couldn't the mummy attend the meeting?
A. He was all tied up.
Q. Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to take !
Q. Why did the ghost become a sailor?
A. He wanted to haunt for buried treasure!
Q. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
A. To get his boo-ster shot?
Q. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A. Because he was in need of a light snack.
Q. Why did the monster eat the tight-rope walker?
A. He wanted to eat a well balanced diet!
Q. Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A. Because he was coffin.
Q. Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
A. They would only let him be BAT boy!
Q. Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A. Their bats flew away
Q. Why didn't Dracula get married?
A. He never met a nice Ghoul!
Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. He didn't have the guts.
Q. Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Q. Why do vampires drink blood?
A. Because coffee keeps them awake all day!
Q. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
A. Because he's a pain in the neck!
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.
Q. Why don't skeletons ski?
A. They don't have the guts.
Q. Why don't witches ever have babies?
A. Warlocks have hollow weenies.
Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A. It's good for the bones.
Q. Why was the little ghost sent to his room before dinner was over?
A. Because he was goblin too fast!
Q. Why was the student vampire tired in the morning?
A. Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!!!
Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!
WHY do you keep posting??? NONE of your stuff is funny. Ever.
dcoble wrote in message <8squ1l$f...@nnrp2.farm.idt.net>...
> WHY do you keep posting??? NONE of your stuff is funny. Ever.
Only Monday, and already a first runner-up SRPOTW.
Every time I turn around there's more of 'em! I guess it's time to start
>Oh my gosh...
>WHY do you keep posting??? NONE of your stuff is funny. Ever.
I notice you didn't post any humour. At least his jokes are readable
and sometimes funny.
ObJoke: Perhaps you've heard about the girl who was so ugly she even
turned her vibrator off.
Delete .nospam before replying.
Old age and treachery beat youth and skill every time.
OBJoke: Shortening was invented by the Count of Monte Crisco.
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