9/11 Puns
Tim Bruening
Fleecing: Singing insect on wool.
Knowledge: A ledge on which you can learn anything.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F2F0C0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4256587C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:41EB80CE...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > So then "nemo" says to the guy:
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >I played some Bustan Abraham loud once when his kids were
using
> his
> > > > > > >floor/my ceiling as a trampolie and he came down and bashed
on my
> > > door
> > > > > > >- until a broom handle misteriously emerged from the letter
box
> at
> > > very
> > > > > > >high speed and caught him right in the Solar Plexus! (^!^)
> > > > > >
> > > > > > What about the Lunar Plexus?
> > > > >
> > > > > The nearest thing he's got to one of those is right between
his
> ears!
> > > It's
> > > > > his Looney Plexus!
> > > >
> > > > Plexus from Lexus in Texas?
> > >
> > > You forgot Nexus - what a criminal hypnotists uses - confluence.
> > >
> > > And anyway - don't start doing exus puns. It'll just make your
> D-Tractors
> > > even more exus-perated!
> >
> > D-Tractor: Demon farm machinery.
>
> Extractor: Big pile of rust in the corner of the farmyard.
Rustic: Parasite that affects robots.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41E60C1B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Alan B. Combs" wrote:
> >
> > > Untold riches. That is the goal of any self-respecting buccaneer.
> > > Gold, rubies, diamonds, bullion -- all are acceptable plunder for these
> > > thieves of the high seas.
> > >
> > > When the the ill-gotten gains are particularly good, many brigands will
> > > put their goods in a sack and swing the swag above their heads. Then
> > > they dance around in a little wiggle-waggle jig very similar to that
> > > adopted by many NFL players who have just made a touchdown.
> > >
> > > Indeed, it is most entertaining to watch a pirate shake his booty.
> >
> > Booty: Beverage drunk by a ghost.
>
> Boot Ox: The rear end of a castrated bull. Why do they castrate them? To
> show them who's bos.
Boot Rear: Beverage with a real kick!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Card Hider: Beverage that hides cards on your person.
Injure Jail: Beverage that sends you to jail.
Droft Sink: Beverage that makes you sink into the ground.
Drapple Ink: Beverage that can be used to write.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41E60A8A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > "Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:
> >
> > > On 06 Jan 2004 21:27:19 GMT
> > > earlo...@aol.com (Earlofduke2) wrote:
> > >
> > > > What does an oyster bar taste like? Is it covered with chocolate?
> > >
> > > I don't care, uh, Mel. I /do/ know that lobster bars shouldn't be
> > > thrown fast and straight.
> >
> > Sand Bar: Very gritty candy.
>
> Dogger Bank: Where canines keep their money.
>
> http://www.bartleby.com/65/do/DoggerBa.html
>
> "We've run aground!! Oh my cod!!"
Soap Bar: Very clean candy, or alcohol vender, or jail, or lawyer group.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41E60896...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Cant: To put an ant in a bottle.
> >
> > Disinfectant: Ant that kills germs.
> >
> > Distant: Far away ant.
> >
> > Elephant: Big ant with long nose.
> >
> > Enchant: Ant witch.
> >
> > Entrant: Ant in a contest.
> >
> > Extant: Former ant.
> >
> > Grant: 19th century ant general and President.
> >
> > Habitant: Where the ants live.
> >
> > Instant: Very fast ant.
> >
> > Peasant: Ant farmer.
> >
> > Quarant: Gay ant that's always asking questions.
> >
> > Slant: Tilted ant.
> >
> > Trance: Zonked out ants.
> >
> > Tyrant: Ant dictator.
> >
> > Vacant: Absent ant.
>
> Canticles: Bollocks that don't work.
>
> Canterbury: Town where everyone goes around underground on horseback at a
> pace between a trot and a gallop.
>
> Gallop: Young lady who's had her branches cut off.
Gallop Pole: Pole that goes running around asking people silly
questions.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> fredm...@the.PC <fre...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:3361f1b9.0311...@posting.google.com...
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:<ooc6rv0r8b9aii344...@4ax.com>...
> > > Sunrise; three dueling men eye each other with pistols in hand. Two
> > > men's eyes meet & one shouts with a nod, "Pistols at Don!"
> >
> > Sun of a Gun ! DON't bristle at the dual missiles that whistle past Don at
> Dawn.
>
> Don't matter. There's no stigma to it.
Stigma: Mother of a stig.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> Michael Balarama wrote:
> > "KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
> > news:48NUb.45067$Wa.1...@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> >>
> >> "Palema" <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> >> news:%FKUb.1202$Wy6....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> >>> ynotssor wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> "Bill_Ponting" <unseen...@post.com> wrote in message
> >>>> news:5c86cbf3.04020...@posting.google.com
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>> When was the last time you had a whale of a time and who did you
> >>>>> have it with ?
> >>>>>
> >>>>> I tried once to orca-strate a party for all my friends, but
> >>>>> blubbered it up.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> I baleen the last time was when a bunch of dorks showed up with
> >>>> some sperms in Narwhal Connect-a-kit, and the cops issued an
> >>>> Ambergris Alert.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>> That was just a fluke.
> >>
> >>> And it went over like a lead baleen
> >
> > you are both all wet
>
> I hate to harpoon but once in a whale I'd like to see a thread with
> porpoise.
I have read that cetaceans go to school at the University of Whales.
Prince of Whales: Footmarks of a wailing man.
Tim Bruening
Prefer: Before your hair grows out.
Sandbar: Where beach bums get drunk.
Submit: Wet glove.
Subside: Side of the ocean.
Survey: Map making knight.
Tim Bruening
Steve Siegfried wrote:
> Folks,
>
> I didn't find out about it until after he left, but Dubya was in
> town yesterday. Apparently, they shut down the airport so his plane
> could land. Next they shut down all the streets and highways his
> motorcade took to two different events, a speech in downtown
> Minneapolis and a fund-raiser in the suburb of Potemkin. Then they
> shut down the airport again so his plane could take off.
>
> Isn't this exactly the kind of imperial behavior we used to make fun
> of whenever the Soviet leaders did it? I mean, gee.. whenever the
> guy moves, everything stops. It's almost like he's like a walking,
> talking entropy singularity.
Potemkin: Fake kids.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F2F0C0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4256587C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Steve Siegfried wrote:
Potemkin: Fake kids.
Kades: Block Kade, Motor Kade.
Tim Bruening
nemo
Spozzin it's a lady robot made of tit-anium?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F2F0C0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4256587C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Nemo
Illinois. Higgins Engrossing (It makes you fat?) Waterproof Black Ink.
Well (pun) there's one good thing that comes out of Amurrrikkeh at least!
Chinese stick ink in a quill pen is still the very best but Higgins ain't
bad for ordinary work.
Stick ink looks so good it's a shame to grind it up!
http://www.commerce.com.tw/modules.php?modules=products&action=detail&ID=A0005778&no=56843
Nemo
Wobot Defender 40 required.
Frank McCoy
Dear Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected.
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please
help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
=========================================================Â
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from
the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony -
Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving
the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes
Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance
. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and
Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 ..
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this
happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0
!
WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3 .. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
--
_____
/ ' / ™
,-/-, __ __. ____ /_
(_/ / (_(_/|_/ / <_/ <_
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F2F0C0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4256587C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F2F0C0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4256587C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
TB
Wife 1.0 and installing wife 2.0!