Looking for halloween material
Mark
Hi all,
I'm working on a standup routine for my skeleton and looking for g-rated
material (there will be kids around). Its one of those talking skulls with
"microbone" and I want it to spew out a bunch of one-liners and short jokes
to entertain/attract people to our neighborhood haunted house. Is there a
repository around or can anyone post/send me some material?
I've got some pretty bad stuff from a book but was hoping for some better
material
Mark Butler
email: mb...@chevron.com
Check out my haunted house at: http://markbutler.8m.com/creepzone.htm
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Greg Evans
> I've got some pretty bad stuff from a book but was hoping for some better
> material
*BETTER* material?? Boy, are *you* in the wrong place!!
Mark
Oh come now, EVERYONE knows that alt.humor/rec.humor are *the* places for
the most spohisticated, erudite, elegant humor on the planet and would never
resort to lowbrow guffaws.
Mark
Greg Evans <gr...@larkbooks.com> wrote in message
news:PqNx5.24037$SN6.5...@news4.giganews.com...
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Greg Evans
> > > I've got some pretty bad stuff from a book but was hoping for some
> > > better material
> >
> > *BETTER* material?? Boy, are *you* in the wrong place!!
>
> Oh come now, EVERYONE knows that alt.humor/rec.humor are *the* places for
> the most spohisticated, erudite, elegant humor on the planet and would
never
> resort to lowbrow guffaws.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Frank A. Rosenbaum
He didn't have the guts.
What do skeletons say to a comedian?
Humorous.
How do skeletons measure an arc?
They use their Radius.
--
Frank R.
Note New EMAIL address: faros...@mediaone.net
The train club I belong to is the Gratiot Valley. See us at:
http://www.michvhf.com/~gvrr
Mark <an...@anon.com> wrote in message news:39c79a8d$1...@post.newsfeeds.com...
> *** post for free via your newsreader at post.newsfeeds.com ***
>
> Hi all,
>
> I'm working on a standup routine for my skeleton and looking for g-rated
> material (there will be kids around). Its one of those talking skulls with
> "microbone" and I want it to spew out a bunch of one-liners and short
jokes
> to entertain/attract people to our neighborhood haunted house. Is there a
> repository around or can anyone post/send me some material?
>
> I've got some pretty bad stuff from a book but was hoping for some better
> material
>
> Mark Butler
> email: mb...@chevron.com
> Check out my haunted house at: http://markbutler.8m.com/creepzone.htm
>
>
>
>
michael
Greg Evans wrote in message ...
>> > > I've got some pretty bad stuff from a book but was hoping for some
>> > > better material
>> Oh come now, EVERYONE knows that alt.humor/rec.humor are *the* places for
>> the most spohisticated, erudite, elegant humor on the planet and would
>never resort to lowbrow guffaws.
>Flattery will get you everywhere.
You havent met my ex-wife then?
Michael
thinking of a witty phrase to sign off with....
.....unsuccessfully
michael
>Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
>He didn't have the guts.
>What do skeletons say to a comedian?
>Humorous.
>How do skeletons measure an arc?
>They use their Radius.
Do homosexual ghosts put the willies up each other?
fmhlaw
What type of monster really loves dance music?
The boogieman!
What's a mummy's favorite music?
Wrap Music!
What kind of music do ghosts like?
Rhythm and boos!
What is a cowboy ghost's favorite dance?
Boo-skoot'n boo-gie.
Where do spooks mail their letters?
At the ghost office
What's a goblin's favorite carnival ride?
The roller ghoster
Why wouldn't the skeleton ride the
roller ghoster?
He had no guts.
What's a monster's favorite food?
Hallowieners.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spookgetti.
What is a monster's favorite dessert?
Ghoul scout cookies.
What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?
Boo-nanas and boo-berries.
What is a ghost's favorite candy?
BOO-ble gum
What's a vampire's favorite candy?
A sucker.
What do children ghosts have for lunch?
Boo-loney sandwiches.
What do goblins and ghosts drink on picnics?
Ghoul-aid.
How do you make a witch stew?
Keep her waiting for hours.
When does a ghost eat breakfast?
In the moaning.
Why didn't the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
Because he didn't have the stomach for it!
What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
A glass of coke and a mop.
Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"
How do you fix a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So, they can tell which witch is which!
What does a witch ask for in a hotel?
Broom service.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked!
What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What kind of makeup do girl ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Where does a girl ghost go to get her hair done?
To the Boo-ty Parlor.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
What can make your flesh creep, your blood run cold,
your hair stand on end and your teeth chatter?
A cold toilet set.
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Give him screws instead.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
What do you do with a green monster?
Wait until it ripens.
What position does a monster play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie.
Who are some of the werewolves' cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves.
What game do baby ghosts like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties!
Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"?
In noisery school.
Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares.
How do you say vampire in Spanish?
Vampire in Spanish.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Twigs and Tweets.
What did the mummy say when he finished his homework?
That about wraps it up.