Southern Sayings

12 views
Skip to first unread message

Eric Via

unread,
Sep 4, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/4/98
to
SOUTHERN SAYINGS:
Southerners have their own version of politically correct speech. It's
called exageration. To help newcomers talk like the locals, we've
borrowed
a few examples of Southern sayings from a book called Like We Say Back
Home
and from an article in Texas Monthly. But most all of them we've heard
at
one time or another from Southerners we know personally. When they're
talking up to snuff, they can come up with more clever sayings than
Carter
has little yellow liver pills.

FACIALLY DISADVANTAGED/ADVANTAGED:
He has a face that would harelip the governor.
She's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the
dog
to play with her.
She was so ugly I gnawed my arm off the next morning so I wouldn't wake

her up.
She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water.
She's prettier than a red wagon full of speckled pups.
She's finer than frog hair.

MOTIVATIONALLY INCLINED/DISINCLINED:
He took off like a scalded dog.
He's so busy you'd think he was twins.
He's so slow he's got to speed up to stop.

OVER-SCHEDULED:
I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
I'm busier than a one-legged cat covering up sh_ _.
I've been busier than a set of jumper cables at a family reunion.

OVER-IMBIBED:
He was so drunk he couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle.

PHILANTHROPICALLY RELUCTANT:
He's tighter than the bark on a tree.
He can squeeze a dollar 'til it hollers.

FINANCIALLY ABLED/DISABLED:
Ted Turner is richer than clabbered cream.
He's got enough money to burn a wet elephant.
I'm so broke I can't pay attention.
I'm so broke I ain't got eyewater to cry with.

MORALLY EXCEPTIONAL:
He's full of more sh_ _ than a Christmas turkey.

YOUTH IMPAIRED:
He's been around since Hector was a pup.
She's two years older than dirt.
He's so old he could have been a waiter at the Last Supper.

METEOROLOGICALLY INCONVENIENCED:
It's hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch.
It's hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
It's hotter than nine nekkid women in a Volkswagen.
It's so dry the river only runs twice a week.
It's colder than a well-digger's ass in Idaho.

NURTIONALLY ANTICIPATORY:
You bite into one of them biscuits, it'd make a puppy pull a freight
train.

DIMENSIONALLY REMARKABLE:
He's so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet.
She's so short you can see her feet on her driver's license.

EMOTIONALLY AGITATED:
I'll be on you like white on rice.
I'm nervous as a whore in church.
He's got his back up.
He's all bent out of shape.
She could start a fight in an empty house.

UNWORKABLE:
That dog won't hunt.

DEPARTURE INEVITABLE:
Pee on the fire and call in the dogs, the hunt's over.

=============ooooOOOO| Eric's Joke List |OOOOoooo===============
This was brought to you as a free service - to subscribe/unsubscribe
send an email to eri...@airmail.net. Please pass this along and
have your friends sign up. Eric Via owns no rights or trademarks
to anything sent on his list, nor is he the author. When known, credit
is given to the proper author. The disclaimer for Eric's Joke List
can be found at: http://www.why.net/users/ericvia/dis.html
Eric's Home Page: http://www.why.net/users/ericvia/ericpage.html
(Buddhism, Mercedes-Benz, Jokes & More)

"Don't be a Buddhist. Be a Buddha!"


Derek Neitzel

unread,
Sep 5, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/5/98
to

Eric Via wrote in message
<74F164D9119407B3.B3FAF0C6...@library-proxy.airnews.ne
t>...

> SOUTHERN SAYINGS:
> Southerners have their own version of politically correct speech. It's
>called exageration. To help newcomers talk like the locals, we've
>borrowed
>a few examples of Southern sayings from a book called Like We Say Back
>Home
>and from an article in Texas Monthly. But most all of them we've heard
>at
>one time or another from Southerners we know personally. When they're
>talking up to snuff, they can come up with more clever sayings than
>Carter
>has little yellow liver pills.
>
> FACIALLY DISADVANTAGED/ADVANTAGED:
> He has a face that would harelip the governor.
> She's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the
>dog
>to play with her.
snip....

Don't forget:

The ol' "Double sacker" phrase. ....

a siphon hose can be known as an "Oklahoma credit card"

The coffee's so strong, you can float a pistol in it.

Fell over like a relative at an open bar.

I've had fun before. This ain't it.

Don't buy nothin' with a handle on it. It could mean work.

Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob.

He's got his own "reserved" spot at the bail bondsman's.

Had so much fun, they called 911!

etc.

evam

unread,
Sep 7, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/7/98
to
This reply comes from mad...@bellsouth.net, via a friend's computer while
on vacation....

Eric Via <eri...@airmail.net> wrote in article

> FACIALLY DISADVANTAGED/ADVANTAGED:
> He has a face that would harelip the governor.
> She's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the
> dog
> to play with her.

> She was so ugly I gnawed my arm off the next morning so I wouldn't wake
>
> her up.
> She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water.
> She's prettier than a red wagon full of speckled pups.
> She's finer than frog hair.

That woman/man ain't just ugly, she's/he's FUGLY.(fuckin' ugly)



> FINANCIALLY ABLED/DISABLED:
> Ted Turner is richer than clabbered cream.
> He's got enough money to burn a wet elephant.
> I'm so broke I can't pay attention.
> I'm so broke I ain't got eyewater to cry with.

I'm so broke I'd have to fart twice to have a cent(scent) in my pocket.


just_me

unread,
Sep 7, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/7/98
to

.......so ugly she would make a freight train take a dirt road.

877...@compuserve.com

unread,
Sep 8, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/8/98
to
Uglier'n a mud fence built in the moonlight.

George1

unread,
Sep 13, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/13/98
to
obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
using words of over two syllables.

Keith Bilbrey

unread,
Sep 14, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/14/98
to
hahahahah....you 'bout funny as a rattlesnake in a sleeping bag.

Keith

George1 wrote in message <6thvhg$9...@news2.tds.net>...

Rahat 'The Rahat' Husain

unread,
Sep 14, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/14/98
to
On Mon, 14 Sep 1998 14:43:04 -0500, "Keith Bilbrey"
<dvil...@airmail.net> wrote:

|Keith
|
|George1 wrote in message <6thvhg$9...@news2.tds.net>...
|>obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
|>using words of over two syllables.

Gawd Dang - it

Wendy

unread,
Sep 15, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/15/98
to George1
George1 wrote:
>
> obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
> using words of over two syllables.
>


Actually there are, but you Yankee boys aren't that literate.

--
W. Madison
Expert in all things Southern
"Visualize whirled peas."

Derek Neitzel

unread,
Sep 15, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/15/98
to

George1 wrote in message <6thvhg$9...@news2.tds.net>...
>obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
>using words of over two syllables.
>
>Eric Via wrote in message
><74F164D9119407B3.B3FAF0C6...@library-proxy.airnews.n
e
>t>...
>
My history is a little rusty, but don't "Damnyankee" qualify? I count three
sylables, and that's a pretty southern saying. Just like,
"Yaknowthemcowboyssuk". Which is also also a very common southern saying. In
Dallas anyway.

sher...@my-dejanews.com

unread,
Sep 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/16/98
to
Apparently, you ain't never hollered at a Southern Belle, sir.

In article <35FDED...@bellsouth.net>,
mad...@bellsouth.net wrote:


> George1 wrote:
> >
> > obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
> > using words of over two syllables.
> >
>

> Actually there are, but you Yankee boys aren't that literate.
>
> --
> W. Madison
> Expert in all things Southern
> "Visualize whirled peas."
>

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum

zob...@rocketmail.com

unread,
Sep 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/16/98
to
In article <35fd744e...@news.erols.com>,

Rahu...@erols.kom wrote:
> On Mon, 14 Sep 1998 14:43:04 -0500, "Keith Bilbrey"
> <dvil...@airmail.net> wrote:
>
> |Keith
> |
> |George1 wrote in message <6thvhg$9...@news2.tds.net>...
> |>obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
> |>using words of over two syllables.
>
> Gawd Dang - it

>
> |>
> |>Eric Via wrote in message

Obviously this boy ain't the brightest button in the box. Ya'll come back now,
hear?

Zoe

Derek Neitzel

unread,
Sep 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/16/98
to

George1 wrote in message <6thvhg$9...@news2.tds.net>...
>obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
>using words of over two syllables.
>
>Eric Via wrote in message
><74F164D9119407B3.B3FAF0C6...@library-proxy.airnews.n
e


......... I apologize. I meant when I wrote "Yaknowthemcoybowssuk" that it
was both a southern saying here in Dallas and of all things, a single word.
Which of course can be ascertained by the fact that there are no spaces
between sylables which add up to 6. Therefore, I would submit to all that
this successfully disproves the above statement.
>

Eurasmus B. Black

unread,
Sep 22, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/22/98
to
Karl Mason wrote:

>
> On Sun, 13 Sep 1998 21:36:41 -0500, "George1" <Geo...@aol.com> wrote:
>
> >obviously, this post is a total fabrication. There are NO southern sayings
> >using words of over two syllables.
> >
> >Eric Via wrote in message
> ><74F164D9119407B3.B3FAF0C6...@library-proxy.airnews.ne
> >t>...
> >
>
> "There is no saying," rather than "there are no sayings." A
> negative cannot be in the plural.
>
> A nativeTexan,

There are no persons who don't nitpick.

Jedi Tom

unread,
Sep 23, 1998, 3:00:00 AM9/23/98
to
> "There is no saying," rather than "there are no sayings." A
>negative cannot be in the plural.
>
>A nativeTexan,

Thats not true. Think about it.

"What up with that piece of string?"
"It's full of knots."

Jedi Tom
ICQ#: 1991053

Jedi Tom
The DataPad
[http://www.stangnet.com/starwars/]

Commander Dravis
Rebel Alliance Black Operations
[http://www.zipworld.com.au/~besheido/RABO/rabo_index.html]

Juggler
Team Stang: Quake 2 Clan
[http://www.stangnet.com/quake2/]

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages