Art

[Keith E. Sullivan]

HOW SUCCESSFUL

"I still do not know how successful _The Kindly Ones_ was, how close I
got or how far I came from what I set out to say. Still, it's the
heaviest of all of these volumes, and thus, in hardback at least, could
undoubtedly be used to stun a burglar; which has always been my
definition of real art." --Neil Gaiman, on one of his books

Eric J. Olson <e...@oz.net>
Quote of the day <qotd-r...@ensu.ucalgary.ca>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
THE PAINTER

A painter was asked how the visitors to his new exhibition liked the
paintings.

They were divided into two groups, said the painter, half said it was a
complete waste of paint and the other half said it was a complete waste
of canvas.

Altar Ariel <alt...@TECHUNIX.TECHNION.AC.IL>
UGA Humor List <list...@uga.cc.uga.edu>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
KIDNAPPED ARTIST LEARNS NAKED TRUTH

MEXICO CITY (AP) -- A Mexican artist seized at gunpoint off the street
says his kidnappers forced him to paint a nude portrait of a wealthy
woman.

Witnesses saw armed men seize Niceforo Urbieta off a street in the
southern city of Oaxaca Feb. 11. He wasn't heard from for four days.

Relatives and friends feared Urbieta, who was imprisoned in the 1970s
for links to militant leftist groups, had been kidnapped for political
reasons. His case won attention in national newspapers.

But in an interview published Tuesday in the newspaper La Jornada,
Urbieta said his captors were interested in his art, not his politics.

He said he was picked up off the street, covered in a cloth and driven
to a "run of the mill" room, where the kidnappers told him why they
wanted him.

"This is a whim," Urbieta quoted the kidnappers as telling him. "There
is a very rich lady who likes your painting a lot, and she wants you to
paint her."

Urbieta said he was given paintbrushes and forced to look through a hole
in the wall at the model, who would pose nude for about an hour at a
time.

"It was totally absurd. Like a voyeur I had to look at her through that
hole and paint her," he said. "She never spoke."

He described her as a young woman with long black hair "and a very
well-formed body."

He said the captors eventually took him back to Oaxaca.

Authorities would not comment on the case.

Copyright -- Associated Press

Ken Brousseau Sr. <kenb...@IO.COM>
UGA Humor List <list...@uga.cc.uga.edu>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"BEHIND" THE ARTIST

Fort Lauderdale, Florida -- Artist Krandel Lee Newton has found the
newest niche market.

Most artists draw faces, but Newton distinguishes himself by
specializing in butts. You know, derrieres. Behinds. Back sides.
Whatever.

Newton lives in Dallas, Texas, but travels around the country, drawing
full-length butt portraits -- sometimes in as little as two and half
minutes -- at conventions.

Last week he entertained here in Fort Lauderdale, where the National Air
Transportation Association convention was holding meetings.

As usual, someone asked: "Why not do faces?"

Newton answered: "Then I'd be like every other artist."

Conference organizers pay Newton 225 to 250 dollars an hour to draw
behinds.

D.J. Warmke, 33, worried that "You might make my butt wider than it is."

To which Newton answered, "I draw it as I see it."

For Warmke those were not reassuring words. "That's what I'm afraid
of."

WhiteBoard News for Monday, March 31, 1997
Joseph Harper <jo...@microsoft.com>
--
Keith E. Sullivan <KSul...@worldnet.att.net>
Owner of Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List
Free subscriptions available on request.

Lyin' ain't harder than tellin' the truth,
And truth is the perfect disguise. --Kris Kristofferson