Letter from Mom

[jaugu...@verizon.net]

Dear Son,

Just a few words to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this
letter slowly because I know you can not read fast. You won't know the
house when you come home..... we moved.

Your father has a lovely new job. He has 500 men and women under him.
He mows the lawn at the cemetery.

There is a washing machine in the new house, but it isn't working too
good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the chain, and have not
seen the shirts since.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether
it is a boy or girl, so don't know whether you're an Aunt or Uncle.

Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle
of caster oil in his pint of been. It kept him going until New Year's
day.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father came with me. The
doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it for
10 minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

Monday, it was so windy that one of the chickens laid the same egg
twice.

Yesterday, a letter came from the undertaker. He said if the last
installment isn't paid on your grandmother within seven days, up
she comes.

Your loving mother, Mom

PS, I was going to send you $10.00, but I had already sealed the
envelope.