Quips & Quotes
Keith Sullivan
Bikers are living proof that you can wear leather and not look sexy.
--J. Wagner (Crabby Road)
Ever notice when women hold off getting married, we call it "indepence,"
but when men do, it's called "fear of commitment"? --Jay Trachman
Thanksgiving dinner is truly a magical meal. It keeps reappearing for
days. --Linda Perret
I've got a super-fast modem. At least it was when I threw my computer
out the window. --J. Wagner (Crabby Road)
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to
die. --Malachy McCourt
Charisma: that mysterious something that bald, dull billionaires have.
--Sam Ewing
Searching is half the fun: life is much more manageable when thought of
as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party. --Jimmy Buffett
If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one.
--Cavett Robert
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. --Bern Williams
I was cruising the information superhighway and accidentally ran head-on
into a fact. --Bob Thaves (Frank & Ernest)
People who see driving up and down the main drag of a small town 3,000
times a night as a relief from boredom are the sort of people who
watched Beavis and Butthead to stretch their minds. --Bill Hall
In times of rapid changes, learners inherit the earth, while the learned
find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer
exists. --Eric Hoffer (Former Labor Boss)
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. --Richard Diran
... the rocking chair has killed a lot more people than the bouncing
bed. --Bill Hall
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a big doofus
who should have looked at a map? --J. Wagner (Crabby Road)
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --George
Burns
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. --Oscar
Wilde
Some of the most intriguing poll results on Bill Clinton tend to dispel
the myth that the older you get the more puritanical you get. It turns
out that older Americans are more inclined to overlook presidential
hanky-panky. For some reason, the older you get the more likely you are
to recover from the binge of mid-life prissiness that seems to afflict
some of the pompous young poops in that stunningly stuffy generation.
--Bill Hall
Being in close harmony with my body, I made an appointment with an
optometrist shortly after my blurred vision began producing headaches
bad enough to cause projectile nosebleeds. --Robert Kirby
There are a lot of things we do that are irrelevant, but that's what the
Senate is for. --Sen. Alan Simpson, R-Wyo.
You hear about constitutional rights, free speech and free press. Every
time I heard those words, I say to myself, "That man is a Red, that man
is a Communist." You never hear a real American talk like that.
--Frank Hague, Jersey City, N.J., mayor in 1938.
To their credit, my new bifocals initially made me feel much younger.
Immediately after putting them on, I discovered that moving my head up
and down produced the same level of nausea that I once got only at
high-school beer parties. --Robert Kirby
Those new airline rules limiting the size of your luggage are
ridiculous. Heck, the bags under my EYES are bigger than what they
allow! --J. Wagner (Crabby Road)
It's no secret that heart attacks kill far more men than women. Medical
experts always believed the primary reason was because one gender nagged
the other gender way more than necessary. --Robert Kirby
Only a mediocre writer is always at his best. --W. Somerset Maugham
This morning, my wife asked me for a divorce. Oh, she didn't come right
out and use the D word. She's much too subtle for that. What she said
was, "When are you going to put up the Christmas lights?" --Robert
Kirby