Halloween Puns of the Weak 10/26/01
Stan Kegel
When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone. (The Daily Giggle)
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck. (By Gary Hallock)
What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffin Drops! (By Paul Croft)
How do canine scavengers in Africa find their way in the dark?
They use jackal lanterns. (By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
On Monday the coven was shocked
To learn that a witch had been socked
She took quite a beating
At last wiccan's meeting
So this week the back doors warlocked
(Gary Hallock)
Vampire pickup line: "What's your type?” (By Richard Lederer and P. C.
Swanson)
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash (From Gary Hallock)
When is it bad luck to see a black cat
When you're a mouse. (From Catherine Shoemaker)
What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat?
A washin' werewolf (Archives)
How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels (From Jeff P. Symonds).
If you pump kin on Halloween night you'll get arrested for incest! (Nemo)
To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin' will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises (Gary Hallock)
Whom did the zombie invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up. (C C Jokes)
What kind of animals do you not want to play cards with
Cheetahs & sharks (Gary Hallock)
What's soft, moldy and flies?
A spoiled bat. (Jokes Central)
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle! (Norman Gilbert)
Why did the vampire joined the police force ?
So he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout. (Gary Hallock)
Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away (Gary Hallock)
What do you call a panty raid on a coven?
An embarrassment of witches.. (Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
After watching an undertaker, how might you describe someone's death?
As a fit of coffin. (Lars Hanson)
Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones (Jeff P. Symonds)
Vampires are neck-rophiliacs (Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer. (Jokes Central)
Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them. (Joke of the Day)
Why didn't the Invisible Man get invited to the Halloween party?
They knew he wouldn't show up. (Gary Hallock)
Is it okay to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
No, the fingers should be eaten separately. (Gary Hallock)
Why is Dracula a good date?
His idea of foreplay is a little 'necking'! (Clynch Varnadore)
`One of those dead old pha-raohs
`Once asked his dad why 'twas he was
``Now I'm just a dummy
So go ask your mummy
But she will just tell you, "Be gauze"
(Gary Hallock)
How do you make a milkshake?
You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!" (Bunch of Jokes Club)
What do you get when alien teenagers invade shopping malls on Earth?
Clothes encounters of the third kind. (Syman Hirsch)
Why was there an electric spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
He couldn't resistor (Gary Hallock)
"I've just killed Dracula," said Tom Swift painstakingly. (Lederer & Swanson)
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts. (Trinitty)
How can you tell that Doctor Frankenstein had a good sense of humor?
Because he kept his monster in stitches. (Gary Hallock)
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin! (Clynch Varnadore)
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite! (Placebo Page)
Why is the witch like a candle?
They are both wicked. (C C Jokes)
The famous Egyptian King Tut
Had a fabulous musical butt
"But some people thinks
My music, it sphynx
I blow toots uncommon, so what?"
(Gary Hallock)
Why can't you see the invisible man's mother and father?
They're trans-parents (Gary Hallock)
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem. (Trinitty)
What gormet meal was made from Bela Lugosi's cremated remains?
Hungarian Ghoul Ash? (Gary Hallock)
Mr. Hyde celebrated every Halloween with a Jekyll lantern. (Richard
Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend (Clynch Varnadore)
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite... (Jackie Holle)
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life. (Trinitty)