Heir

[Mike]

Shortly after the Chinese invented the razor, a Mandarin used one
to slit the throats of his three offsprings -- giving the first recorded
case of a razor being used for heir removal

Michael LeVine
mle...@redshift.com

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

[Don Stockbauer]

Darlene committed suicide and I stood it for several weeks but then I just couldn't stand it anymore I had to have her so I razor from the dead.

[Mike]

On Nov 4, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<e68812b6-14ac-4e7d...@googlegroups.com>):

It would have razor eyebrows to see her in that condition.

[Don Stockbauer]

if Darlene would've razor her eyebrows she would be just like Devine in the movie

[Mike]

On Nov 4, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<d318f7db-ac0d-4b54...@googlegroups.com>):

Andy Devine???? She would never pass the physical for that job...

[Don Stockbauer]

I saw this great movie once it started Andy Devine and it was out west and what they had done was he committed some sort of crime so the judge ordered him to be changed to a great big rock but Andy was so so strong he could just carry that rock around like it was a little pebble boy that was really a great movie.

[Mike]

On Nov 5, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<683e737b-c4e5-4a4a...@googlegroups.com>):

He would be a big part of any show he was in.

[Don Stockbauer]

He never expose himself to little children.

[Mike]

On Nov 6, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<6aa6bbc4-e4b2-4003...@googlegroups.com>):

Hardly a revelation

[Don Stockbauer]

To steal a lance Rentzel joke : the little Child said "your honor, it was no big thing".

[Mike]

On Nov 7, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<e0a09a68-0df9-464b...@googlegroups.com>):

So he was a looser in a wiener take all contest. Frank-ly I am not surprised.

[Don Stockbauer]

His disgusting defiance of the norm Would have entailed that since she was just a five-year-old girl his wiener wouldn't have been looser in there.

[Mike]

On Nov 7, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<7608daff-5fc9-49d7...@googlegroups.com>):

So he should not expect any Cheers from the rest of the bar patrons.
He went wrong.

[Don Stockbauer]

But how could they be a patron if they were barred from the premises?

[Mike]

On Nov 8, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<1ffbc6fe-2d92-48ae...@googlegroups.com>):

Do not patron - ize me for calling it to your attention.

[Don Stockbauer]

I know you want to go to the whorehouse downtown and they won't let you in unless you patronize yourself to be one of the gang who uses it.

[Mike]

On Nov 9, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<87bd5258-8701-48c3...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Wednesday, November 9, 2022 at 5:30:25 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Nov 8, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<1ffbc6fe-2d92-48ae...@googlegroups.com>):
> > >

> > > But how could they be a patron if they were barred from the premises?
> > Do not patron - ize me for calling it to your attention.
>

> I know you want to go to the whorehouse downtown and they won't let you in
> unless you patronize yourself to be one of the gang who uses it.

Abit that gang, bang up job they are not doing!!!!

[Don Stockbauer]

Old man goes to a house of ill repute: The Madame says "you're old , you're weak , you're trembling , I don't know if you should even be in here ; as a matter of fact I say that you've had it , old man. " He says "where do I pay?"

[Mike]

On Nov 9, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<b8958000-36b7-49ba...@googlegroups.com>):

> matter of fact I say that you've had it , old man. " He says "where do I pay?”
Just read about one of the better known houses of ill-repute that had been
invaded
by a band of unromantic robbers. All the cash and valuables on the premises
were taken, The moral of this sad tale is that too many crooks spoil the
brothel

[Don Stockbauer]

The way I heard it was "too many crooks cause too many vaginas to experience uneven pressure."

[Mike]

On Nov 9, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<e1e5a767-0061-47c7...@googlegroups.com>):

> uneven pressure.”

Thats because everything about the crooks is crooked
including their penis

[Don Stockbauer]

Douglas R. Hofstadter, The renown cognitive scientist, actually told this at one point in one of his books; it went: "In my younger days I could easily bend my penis over with one hand , but nowadays that I'm older I can hardly bend it at all ; am I weaker , or
stronger?"

It's in one of his books I swear to God it is and I know almost everything on the Internet is fake but I'm not lying to you this time

[Mike]

On Nov 10, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<411d0406-d488-4826...@googlegroups.com>):

Ot maybe it shrunk and was too short to be bent.
And be glad this is usenet because swearing on any other venue
would get you in trouble and banned.

[Don Stockbauer]

I have no personal knowledge of the size of Hofstadter's penis ; I just admire the man from afar . haven't even stood at a urinal next to him . as far as swearing and getting banned , that happened to me in the USENET group alt.movies.Kubrick but just the other day they let me back in for some strange reason . now Twitter's another story , they permanently banned me, even Elon cant get me back in, I begged him "Elon , please reinstate my account , please , you fired a bunch of people and they were the ones that suspended my account , please let me back in please please "to no avail . I'll just have to wait until something better than Twitter comes along , which would be no big chore.

[Mike]

On Nov 11, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<eca12f3e-04df-40aa...@googlegroups.com>):

You associate with L. Ron Hubbard??? I would religiously avoid that.

[Don Stockbauer]

The Elron is an official unit of hucksterism ; it represents being cheated out of $1000 . Thus the sentence "I was beat out of $10,000 ; that's 10 Elrons."

[Mike]

On Nov 11, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<b29462c8-25ad-42fe...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Friday, November 11, 2022 at 2:47:17 PM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > You associate with L. Ron Hubbard??? I would religiously avoid that.
>

> The Elron is an official unit of hucksterism ; it represents being cheated
> out of $1000 . Thus the sentence "I was beat out of $10,000 ; that's 10

> Elrons.”
Was it an original idea of his or did he use a cheat sheet to pull it off.

[Don Stockbauer]

He came up with it during his little day trip out to sea.

[Mike]

On Nov 12, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<5b7907bb-e062-4ba5...@googlegroups.com>):

Did you wave goodby to him???

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes , I waved and said "goodbye , you tax
evading (!/?);&!"

[Mike]

On Nov 13, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<d9b39929-339b-4bca...@googlegroups.com>):

> evading (!/?);&!”

Was there supposed to be some levy - ty there??

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes, the levity was his entire career as a second or really third-rate science-fiction writer/huckster/rotten guy.

[Mike]

On Nov 13, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<d10df02e-684a-455d...@googlegroups.com>):

Then he realized that religion was more profitable.

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes, the quote was "The way to make the really big money is to found a religion."

[Mike]

On Nov 14, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<27900a5a-671a-459b...@googlegroups.com>):

> religion.”
But it came to late for him to implement the following quote
“Just hearing the name of the new religion automatically converts the
listener to it"

[Don Stockbauer]

God! How horrible! Thank God I never heard the word Scientology.

[Mike]

On Nov 14, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<85c0c82b-f581-421b...@googlegroups.com>):

He came too late to use it as another group got to it first.

[Don Stockbauer]

Another group? Hubbard created Scientology.

[Mike]

On Nov 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<96ad5a53-8c1b-465e...@googlegroups.com>):

There was Dianetics first

[Don Stockbauer]

Founded by Diane Keaton, yes?

[Mike]

On Nov 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<fb78c58a-b64b-4bc1...@googlegroups.com>):

It might have worked it it had --- but it was L. Ron’s first attempt.

[Don Stockbauer]

Not wishing Hubbard any harm or anything but it's too bad when they first went out to sea that someone didn't hold his head underwater for about 20 minutes.

[Mike]

On Nov 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<91c619ea-4e0d-4989...@googlegroups.com>):

That is not the way to train to prepare to go bobbing for apples.

[Don Stockbauer]

I wish he would've gone bobbing for french fries.

[Mike]

On Nov 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<1025b8cb-9710-47b5...@googlegroups.com>):

Too greasy, he would just slip away/

[Don Stockbauer]

darlene and I once got invited to a Wesson oil party but she kept slipping away or as Paul Simon would say slip sliding away and of course you know the song that was being played at the party , not it's my party and I'll cry if I want to " it was Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons "I keep working my way back to you babe "

[Mike]

On Nov 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<7c60c03a-70ff-4838...@googlegroups.com>):

> back to you babe “
Fuel for thought

[Don Stockbauer]

That's what I asked Darlene, "Wanna fuel around "?

[Mike]

On Nov 17, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<42319e00-411b-4f91...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Thursday, November 17, 2022 at 3:40:41 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Nov 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<7c60c03a-70ff-4838...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > darlene and I once got invited to a Wesson oil party but she kept slipping
> > > away or as Paul Simon would say slip sliding away and of course you know
> > > the
> > > song that was being played at the party , not it's my party and I'll cry
> > > if I
> > > want to " it was Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons "I keep working my way
> > > back to you babe “
> > Fuel for thought
>

> That's what I asked Darlene, "Wanna fuel around “?

It will be a coal day in hell before I do it with her.

[Don Stockbauer]

she wants you so bad Mike she keeps saying "I want Mike and I to be coal-conspirators in performing the sexual intercourse function.

[Mike]

On Nov 17, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<79fdab6a-b625-49fb...@googlegroups.com>):

One look at her and never mind asking how old she is, rather I want to know
if she has been carbon dated???

[Don Stockbauer]

There are men who do not discriminate against older women ; that's why even though she is 37,361 years old I welcomed her enthusiastically.

[Mike]

On Nov 18, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<9d33f997-0e82-463d...@googlegroups.com>):

So you admit you love your mummy...

[Don Stockbauer]

I was once hired to demolish the façade of a building in downtown Victoria here; I called it my edifice wrecks.

[Mike]

On Nov 18, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<678cbc26-8267-4e0e...@googlegroups.com>):

THat gets a raze - berry from me

[Don Stockbauer]

isn't it funny how a word like a raze can also have a polysemous meaning like raise , which means just the opposite? Same thing goes for a word like coal, it sounds like the word cold which is just the opposite. Why is the English language like that ? It's really frustrating. I don't know if I can take it anymore. I'm just gonna have to.......BANG!!!!!

[Mike]

On Nov 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<0b7f8a6f-d531-45dc...@googlegroups.com>):

THe English language is big on “borrowing" words from others languages.
A quote I came across says about this
“Sometime English takes another language into a dark ally and mugs it for
the words it wants"

[Don Stockbauer]

yes by your example we can see that polysemy comes into view with another meaning of mug which could be like a thing you put coffee into and then we have all of these companies like Apple and Infiniti they steal common words to name themselves and their products and the best I can figure is it probably is cheaper to do that than go like the route of the pharmaceutical industry were you name your drugs uniquely so you have drug's names like Clopamadambarfcoughietagalfromkalamazoo. it's all so confusing it just makes you to where you don't wanna live anymore so you wanna just........BLAM!!!!

[Mike]

On Nov 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<cf9d9d16-ca62-47ec...@googlegroups.com>):

Lets see,, there is the chemical name, the trade name, the generic name,
knock off name--------

[Don Stockbauer]

And what did the Bard write?
What's in a name?
Why, letters , of course.

[Mike]

On Nov 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4df25e7d-8b81-4dcf...@googlegroups.com>):

But what was he barred from writing???

[Don Stockbauer]

Proposals for nuclear power plants.

[Mike]

On Nov 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<e26646eb-c418-4080...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Sunday, November 20, 2022 at 11:52:11 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Nov 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<4df25e7d-8b81-4dcf...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > And what did the Bard write?
> > > What's in a name?
> > > Why, letters , of course.
> > But what was he barred from writing???
>

> Proposals for nuclear power plants.

But plants are powered by the sun using chlorophyl

[Don Stockbauer]

On Monday, November 21, 2022 at 1:52:52 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> On Nov 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> (in article<e26646eb-c418-4080...@googlegroups.com>):
> > On Sunday, November 20, 2022 at 11:52:11 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > > On Nov 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > > (in article<4df25e7d-8b81-4dcf...@googlegroups.com>):
> > > > And what did the Bard write?
> > > > What's in a name?
> > > > Why, letters , of course.
> > > But what was he barred from writing???
> >
> > Proposals for nuclear power plants.
> But plants are powered by the sun using chlorophyl
> Michael LeVine
> mle...@redshift.com
>
> Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
> finding it everywhere,
> diagnosing it incorrectly,
> and applying the wrong remedies.
> Groucho Marx

I was hauled into court for having marijuana on me ; I told the judge that the plant was planted on me.

[Mike]

On Nov 21, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<8b285718-b151-4a10...@googlegroups.com>):

That excuse did not work and you were caught with your plants down.

[Don Stockbauer]

I told the judge I said judge , you can't get me for this crime , my plants are all dead, my plants are down.

[Mike]

On Nov 21, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<241fa64d-c7cc-411d...@googlegroups.com>):

and they are dead flora good reason???

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes , they're dead because a fawna ate them and pooted them out of his pooty place.

[Mike]

On Nov 22, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<81cc708e-3cef-49b6...@googlegroups.com>):

Compost yourself, it is not that bad -- it can be used as fertilizer...

[Don Stockbauer]

Sometimes I feel so down and out I just want to compost myself.

[Mike]

On Nov 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<58851e91-9ec8-407c...@googlegroups.com>):

A rotten feeling,

[Don Stockbauer]

Sometimes when I feel Darleen up, it feels real nice; at other times, I get a rotten feeling.

[Mike]

On Nov 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<f8dede90-a575-4f1b...@googlegroups.com>):

She is a moldy oldie

[Don Stockbauer]

She is not a moldy oldie; she likes all the latest hits , like oh my darling Clementine and the Star-Spangled Banner and he's a Yankee doodle Dandy.

[Mike]

On Nov 24, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<bef4482c-2794-48be...@googlegroups.com>):

Then you will love www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbOtyAYv57M
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbOtyAYv57M) at 1:50

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes yes Darlene just loves the song Tessie while she's making love to her lesbian lover and keeping me at bay with her service revolver.

[Mike]

On Nov 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4733bb7e-c797-4dd2...@googlegroups.com>):

An automatic response on her part.

[Don Stockbauer]

as she brandishes the weapon she likes to quote opd movies . she said "donnn this is a 44 magnum the most powerful handgun on the face of the earth now you may ask me if I've shot five times or six times . quite frankly I've lost track myself but if you were to again interrupt my lesbian doings with Veronica here and I've only shot five times it wouldn't be pretty

[Mike]

On Nov 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<54c56864-b252-4cea...@googlegroups.com>):

So you do not get your shot at her -- even thou you are only shooting blanks

[Don Stockbauer]

I have this copy machine it developed a problem and it would only spit out blank pages , it infuriated me , I got out my 44 magnum and just blew the thing to pieces along with the blank paper in it , you might say that I was shooting blanks but it would be wrong.

[Mike]

On Nov 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<b1868454-6202-45e0...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Saturday, November 26, 2022 at 3:55:33 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Nov 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<54c56864-b252-4cea...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > as she brandishes the weapon she likes to quote opd movies . she said
> > > "donnn
> > > this is a 44 magnum the most powerful handgun on the face of the earth now
> > > you may ask me if I've shot five times or six times . quite frankly I've
> > > lost
> > > track myself but if you were to again interrupt my lesbian doings with
> > > Veronica here and I've only shot five times it wouldn't be pretty
> > So you do not get your shot at her -- even thou you are only shooting blanks

> I have this copy machine it developed a problem and it would only spit out
> blank pages , it infuriated me , I got out my 44 magnum and just blew the
> thing to pieces along with the blank paper in it , you might say that I was
> shooting blanks but it would be wrong.

You were relying on bad FAX not reality.

[Don Stockbauer]

One time Joe Friday from Dragnet was interviewing a lady who had witnessed a crime and Joe Friday said
"I want you to give me the documentation you have on this crime " and she brought out all kinds of pages of documentation , some of it was typed with a typewriter but Joe Friday wasn't interested in that, he told her "Just the FAX, ma'am , just the FAX."

[Mike]

On Nov 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<e64ee3ed-7ae5-484f...@googlegroups.com>):

> FAX, ma'am , just the FAX.”

Just so she was not carrying goodies

youtube.com/watch?v=uWunj7Yw3PQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWunj7Yw3PQ)

[Don Stockbauer]

That Stan Freberg. MAD once had him do a backward for their magazine . instead of a foreword, they photographed him from the back , that's a backward, really funny.

[Mike]

On Nov 27, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<be565c88-76fc-402c...@googlegroups.com>):

I knew his humor would get you - in the end

[Don Stockbauer]

MAD had a phrase "humor in a jugular vein " so I suppose this would be "humor From Stan Freberg lodging in your back end"

[Mike]

On Nov 27, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<73a9a07c-5b9a-41ea...@googlegroups.com>):

> From Stan Freberg lodging in your back end”
That is a new wrinkle youtube.com/watch?v=7lpytcTqaAs
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lpytcTqaAs)

[Don Stockbauer]

warning , sensitive material follows ,adults only:

I used to have a barbecue pit , then someone came and stole it. I refuse to get another one , I have a no pit policy.

[Mike]

On Nov 28, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<e69fe721-c22e-418c...@googlegroups.com>):

I seed it but I do not believe it.

[Don Stockbauer]

once my father told me donnn you can make a lot of money by planting a row of pecans and selling the little trees that come up (a pecan is a seed by the way) so I did that and a gopher went right down the line of trees and chewed them all off at the ground level.
I was discouraged.

[Mike]

On Nov 28, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<933ab9f9-386a-4d22...@googlegroups.com>):

That will teach uyou not to Vole - inter.

[Don Stockbauer]

20th Century Fox lost the rights to that name , so they changed it to 20th Century Vole.

[Mike]

On Nov 30, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<dc960a8d-cdb2-4942...@googlegroups.com>):

Do you really expect me to gopher that nonsense??

[Don Stockbauer]

Long ago I attended a meeting of the Houston astronomical Society , someone was displaying aerial photographs of their observatory site at Columbus . you could see mounds all over the place and the lady said these are made by moles. I said no they're made by gophers and she said "no , I'm quite sure they're made by moles " so I got up and screamed at the top of my lungs "MOLES DON'T MAKE MOUNDS" and everybody stared at me aghast at my boorishness.

[Mike]

On Dec 1, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<b31a35d7-136a-43e2...@googlegroups.com>):

You just have to burrow trouble.

[Don Stockbauer]

I lead an almost perfect life. Mr. Trouble just does not enter it. However , you have to have some friction in your life to accomplish anything , just like in the song "Tom Sawyer" where the singer sings "Get on with the friction of the day " so the way I handle that is I go down to the bank and burrow trouble.

[Mike]

On Dec 2, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<85b4a01f-d072-4807...@googlegroups.com>):

As my great aunt would say “Then what would I do for aggravation”??

[Don Stockbauer]

there are some models of the universe where gravity keeps getting weaker and weaker so in the far far future people may say "what are we gonna do for gravitation?"

[Mike]

On Dec 2, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<a5189a34-b905-46d6...@googlegroups.com>):

> gravitation?”

Considering the time scales involved, I do not see the gravity of the
problem.

[Don Stockbauer]

of course you can't see gravity , you can only see its effects .
I wants read that there was no word for gravity before Newton . amazing , it seems to me that they would've at least had a word for it even if they didn't understand it . somebody told me they had to understand gravity before they stuck a word on it but I told them "light" had a word for it long before they explained it