Two Boys Free a Crocodile

[Jason Evans]

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They
always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and
into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a
crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to
a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the
trap.

Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank
you, young men” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I
will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?”

“This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep.

“Very well, Ep” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?”

“I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished.

“Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to
help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared
Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles.

The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?” Set responded “I
never want to be poor again! I wish for money!”

“Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them,
and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys.
“Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!”

“Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help
you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only
help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.”

Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his
great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as
well, but his comparatively small size next to the now massive Amenhotep
earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two
started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate,
and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order.

Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the
homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got
married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep.

Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep
grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the
places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the
headquarters of their business, and directed global efforts. Over the
years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping, and became more
focused on business expansion and money of the business.

As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the
business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in
their lives. He sent Josep to the the HQ in Cairo to learn business from
Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial
success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf.

Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there,
Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable
venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to
buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at
expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing.
He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial
logistics.

Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man,
Elmon keeled over and died, instantly.

Josep was shocked, and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay
at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of
killing Elmon, and sent the teenager to jail.

Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo
to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old
friend.

Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess.
Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come,
Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help
those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.”

Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the
court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder.

The case was brought before the court, but Set’s claims were weak and
unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence
from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright.

Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.

[Mike]

On Nov 21, 2022, Jason Evans wrote
(in article <tlfnlf$3ptcr$1...@dont-email.me>):

Are you attempting to troll us???

Michael LeVine
mle...@redshift.com

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

[Don Stockbauer]

It's a waste of time; we don't have any fish.

[Mike]

On Nov 21, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<33c40d6e-f962-4227...@googlegroups.com>):

Trawl to the nearest market and buy some.

[Don Stockbauer]

I just love that song "Trawl trawl trawl boom de yay."

[Mike]

On Nov 22, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<c294b71b-92a6-4d33...@googlegroups.com>):

> I just love that song "Trawl trawl trawl boom de yay.”
Your boom is a bust. And I know how much you like sucking on those.

[Don Stockbauer]

Now we're back to Darlene , and yes she just loves for them to be sucked on , well , another part a little more.

[Mike]

On Nov 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<83e291f4-b023-4430...@googlegroups.com>):

And you do intend to give us the low down on it I am sure.

[Don Stockbauer]

You are correct; she's not shaved , she has low down.

[Mike]

On Nov 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<0b6c02b9-0809-43a0...@googlegroups.com>):

So, strike up the music and lets have a Ho down.

[Don Stockbauer]

This fellow was running some Ho's in New York City and to cover himself for that evilness he'd take a hoe into town every day and hoe in a community garden.

[Mike]

On Nov 24, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ae64089c-4d23-4d61...@googlegroups.com>):

He thought of himself as quite the rake...

[Don Stockbauer]

I had dinner with him one time and he engaged in this dangerous activity of pitching a fork at people.

[Mike]

On Nov 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<713b53db-e090-47cd...@googlegroups.com>):

That is about the scythe of it.

[Don Stockbauer]

once my uncle Eddie had come out here and mowed the hay with a size and he was fixing to go home and he was going to raise the size blade vertical so he could transport and I came over and attempted to help him raise it he made a big show out of lowering the size back to the ground and saying you could've cut off all your fingers if the blade had slipped and I learned my lesson I never did that again.

[Mike]

On Nov 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<20893066-ee57-419a...@googlegroups.com>):

Was that warning part of his mow- dus operandi???

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes it was , he had a second warning he would use every now and then , it was "Don, be careful , I hear the Russian ICBMs coming in even though they're supersonic and you can't hear them in advance."

[Mike]

On Nov 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<8e80a0dd-7d99-46e5...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Saturday, November 26, 2022 at 4:01:40 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Nov 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<20893066-ee57-419a...@googlegroups.com>):

> > Was that warning part of his mow- dus operandi???

> Yes it was , he had a second warning he would use every now and then , it was
> "Don, be careful , I hear the Russian ICBMs coming in even though they're

> supersonic and you can't hear them in advance.”

Sp you should have said “I see BM’s"

[Don Stockbauer]

ICBMs on the floor all the time , I have a very poor aim when I try to sit on the toilet.

[Mike]

On Nov 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<be9cd849-63e5-4f7a...@googlegroups.com>):

And you cannot blame it on a Blue Ice Event.

[Don Stockbauer]

I don't see how ice can get blue. I mean , it's an inanimate object and it hasn't been subject to any broken love affairs or anything like that.

[Mike]

On Nov 27, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ce90ca79-f84c-46c5...@googlegroups.com>):

Well, when the truth falls on you -- let me know.

[Don Stockbauer]

Dead men tell no tales about blue ice.

[Mike]

On Nov 27, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<a6ed3541-805e-4c16...@googlegroups.com>):

How dos that account for that glaze-d look??

[Don Stockbauer]

The deceased was eating glazed donuts at the time?

[Mike]

On Nov 28, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<3464fa69-9082-4505...@googlegroups.com>):

Even after death, the police do love their donuts.

[Don Stockbauer]

But the ones that go to Hell are deprived of them since Hell is a place of punishment

[Mike]

On Nov 28, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<975a6855-d7e2-4184...@googlegroups.com>):

So all they get are the holes.

[Don Stockbauer]

I will not tell you to attempt sexual intercourse with a donut which is rolling along on the ground.

[Mike]

On Nov 29, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<5f3a4e80-9561-4679...@googlegroups.com>):

A roll in the hay is safer.

[Don Stockbauer]

I don't know about that ; you could find a dinner roll in the hay and if It's all covered with cow fishy's it might not be safe at all

[Mike]

On Nov 29, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<0e531149-2d27-4197...@googlegroups.com>):

You do not seem to have been cowed by my actions.

[Don Stockbauer]

> Groucho Marx

I was once cowed by a cow ; I had returned her calf to her which had strayed by away and the next thing I knew I was staring up at the sky.

[Mike]

On Nov 30, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<16bad560-4aa6-4dcf...@googlegroups.com>):

Well, if you had not acted like a bull in a china shop, it would not have
turned out that way.

[Don Stockbauer]

That's an interesting cliché; does it also work for
bulls in other major nations like Russia or the United States?

[Mike]

On Dec 1, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<82a6d6be-618c-4d46...@googlegroups.com>):

Does it put you on the horns of a dilemma?

[Don Stockbauer]

when I was in like third grade we had spelling and this particular spelling book had various aids for the children to remember how to spell words and one of them was "Emma is in a dilemma " I suppose so that little Johnny gets the last four letters right like he doesn't spell it wrongly DILIMMA or something like that but in any case kudos to the publishers of that spelling book for having come up with something so wonderful.

[Mike]

On Dec 1, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<552e8c90-bf1f-4406...@googlegroups.com>):

Until the season's change and you get a bad spell of weather to keep you home
from school

[Don Stockbauer]

Here is a really bad spill of the weather: QRBGZYFYZQZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Mike]

On Dec 2, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<007b4daf-916d-4748...@googlegroups.com>):

And you fell asleep right in the middle of your reply.

[Don Stockbauer]

My favorite band is ZZ Top.

[Mike]

On Dec 2, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<5d5bc33d-373d-4281...@googlegroups.com>):

Oh, have you ever been to Zzyzx, In California

[Don Stockbauer]

No, but my ex-wife and I flew to San Francisco , rented a car , drove to San Diego then flew out of there went to Yosemite Disneyland San Diego zoo , places like that someone told me "you just caught all the tourist places , didn't you " I told him "well , yeah , you know, my wife wanted to just visit convenience stores but I negated that."

[Mike]

On Dec 3, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<2dbae178-0d2c-4085...@googlegroups.com>):

> convenience stores but I negated that.”
And you missed Bronson Canyon!!!!!!!
How about the Queen Anne Cottage at the L.A. County Arboretum - Truly a
fantasy in the flesh as it were.

[Don Stockbauer]

well I guess myself and my ex-wife will get to those someday but where I really want to go is the Winchester house up near San Francisco you see it was built by the Winchester gun person his wife and she felt like she should atone for having killed so many people through that gun so she made this house which was really interesting it's like she had a prism made into it where the sun will never shine kind of the same like when you tell somebody put that where the sun never shines and it has a doorway is that opens and it just goes into a solid brick wall it it was it's just wonderful it's like mad magazine or really better the national lampoon which was kind of like a X-rated mad magazine so my ex-wife and I who I never see anymore and have no contact with we both want to go to to there and Have a hotdog afterwards.

[Mike]

On Dec 4, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<47b81bfb-9512-41a9...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Saturday, December 3, 2022 at 3:49:49 PM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Dec 3, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<2dbae178-0d2c-4085...@googlegroups.com>):
> > >

> > > No, but my ex-wife and I flew to San Francisco , rented a car , drove to
> > > San
> > > Diego then flew out of there went to Yosemite Disneyland San Diego zoo ,
> > > places like that someone told me "you just caught all the tourist places ,
> > > didn't you " I told him "well , yeah , you know, my wife wanted to just
> > > visit
> > > convenience stores but I negated that.”
> > And you missed Bronson Canyon!!!!!!!
> > How about the Queen Anne Cottage at the L.A. County Arboretum - Truly a
> > fantasy in the flesh as it were.
>

> well I guess myself and my ex-wife will get to those someday but where I
> really want to go is the Winchester house up near San Francisco you see it
> was built by the Winchester gun person his wife and she felt like she should
> atone for having killed so many people through that gun so she made this
> house which was really interesting it's like she had a prism made into it
> where the sun will never shine kind of the same like when you tell somebody
> put that where the sun never shines and it has a doorway is that opens and it
> just goes into a solid brick wall it it was it's just wonderful it's like mad
> magazine or really better the national lampoon which was kind of like a
> X-rated mad magazine so my ex-wife and I who I never see anymore and have no
> contact with we both want to go to to there and Have a hotdog afterwards.

Been there many times -- as I live just over an hour from there.(depending on
traffic)

[Don Stockbauer]

I figure if I go there the ghost of Mrs. Winchester will run me out with a Winchester rifle.

[Mike]

On Dec 5, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<c78e6d39-9568-439a...@googlegroups.com>):

All the tourists going there drover her out.

[Don Stockbauer]

And she became a drover because she wanted to help out with the beef industry.

[Mike]

On Dec 6, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<a408aec9-0a96-4f31...@googlegroups.com>):

Or Bison time to call in Betelgeuse to do a Bioexercism

[Don Stockbauer]

Once I was captured by deadly Arab Terrorists they were torturing me trying to get information out of me they poured Beetlejuice down my throat and then I confessed : when I was two years old I smothered my puppy.

[Mike]

On Dec 7, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<6d1da279-9ffa-4ade...@googlegroups.com>):

Q: What is a small dog with the chills?
A: A Pupsickle

[Don Stockbauer]

Here's a really funny joke : Go up to somebody and say "let me show you how to make a hush puppy " and they'll say OK and then you act like you're calling a little puppy over to your feet then you act like you're stomping on it; gets a laugh every time.

[Mike]

On Dec 7, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<e1c75c72-400a-4855...@googlegroups.com>):

That will get PETA/ASPC/etc dog-ging your every move...

[Don Stockbauer]

On Thursday, December 8, 2022 at 4:55:31 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> On Dec 7, 2022, lo Don Stockbauer wrote

If they catch me, I'll entertain them with doggerel as they haul me in.

[Mike]

On Dec 8, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<48c8483f-29fe-4a51...@googlegroups.com>):

Curb your doggerel

[Don Stockbauer]

I went out to Los Angeles and I was in the Hollywood District I had my dog along and there was a sign that said curb your dog and my dog did it's number right there in the curb and then Marilyn Monroe came along and stepped right in it so what the hell kind of good did it do to curb the dog she just stepped right in it right down in the curb instead of up on the sidewalk.

[Mike]

On Dec 8, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<63160c47-b29b-43dc...@googlegroups.com>):

But why was she walking sideways???

[Don Stockbauer]

She was walking sideways because there was a sidewinder right behind her and she figured by walking sideways the sidewinder would have a smaller target to email.

[Mike]

On Dec 9, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<1d5e2d7e-817e-4c64...@googlegroups.com>):

And not trying to avoid getting run over by a hoop snake??

[Don Stockbauer]

you can't fool me; no snakes play basketball.

[Mike]

On Dec 9, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<7c800659-10c2-4583...@googlegroups.com>):

But are great at Rugby.

[Don Stockbauer]

Is that a snide remark concerning the fact that I'm going bald need a rug?

[Mike]

On Dec 10, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<7ef5ea3a-a90b-4f02...@googlegroups.com>):

Just do not expect me toupee for it.

[Don Stockbauer]

I do expect you to pay for it ; you , and one other person.

[Mike]

On Dec 11, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<1c35aed4-3537-4fee...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Sunday, December 11, 2022 at 6:17:36 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Dec 10, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<7ef5ea3a-a90b-4f02...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > Is that a snide remark concerning the fact that I'm going bald need a rug?
> > Just do not expect me toupee for it.
>

> I do expect you to pay for it ; you , and one other person.

That is one problem you have that it would not be a good idea to sweep under
the rug.

[Don Stockbauer]

I have swept it under the rug but the dirt gets in my eyes and it really hurts.

[Mike]

On Dec 11, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<2c4cb8f2-6781-4296...@googlegroups.com>):

So you cannot blame the Blue eye - ce phenomenon

[Don Stockbauer]

My refrigerator just makes two kinds of ice : happy ice and blue ice.

[Mike]

On Dec 12, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4f93fd4c-1dc8-4205...@googlegroups.com>):

I give that the glacial stare it deserves

[Don Stockbauer]

I didn't know that glaciers have eyes

well I saw this funny one one time there are two rocks talking to each other one says to the other "what brings you here?" and the other rock says "the glacier"

[Mike]

On Dec 12, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<a61f38c0-d0b7-4433...@googlegroups.com>):

> glacier”

You say the man who put in your windows did that ???

[Don Stockbauer]

God, Windows is ancient; you should at least be using Fortran.

[Mike]

On Dec 13, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<bd2da693-be8c-44c5...@googlegroups.com>):

I have used an assembly of languages

[Don Stockbauer]

You mean languages are built on an assembly line just like cars , like I mean, like "hey Ralph , hand me a gerund for this one over here."

[Mike]

On Dec 13, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<dfe6acd7-1d1f-44ce...@googlegroups.com>):

> mean, like "hey Ralph , hand me a gerund for this one over here.”

He claims to be a gerund - oologist????

[Don Stockbauer]

Your ge-running this thread into the ground.

[Mike]

On Dec 14, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<c6fd9dc8-aaed-49b8...@googlegroups.com>):

So it can be raed by the subterranean population

[Don Stockbauer]

I've got termites ; thank God they're the subterranean ones and not the drywall ones.

[Mike]

On Dec 14, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<f9fdf7a4-49a0-4d4f...@googlegroups.com>):

BUt they are quite industrious -- they work with all termite.

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes they work with all termites black YLGBQTRSLSMFT Asian Martian and creatures from the center of the earth.

[Mike]

On Dec 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<8db74649-a5c6-4ac7...@googlegroups.com>):

Would that be Marvin the Martian??? Did you get his autograph???

[Don Stockbauer]

The one I like is Bugs Bunny is on Mars and Marvin the Martian has some kind of huge gun, Bugs says "What are you doing ?" and Marvin says "I'm destroying the Earth, it's obscuring my view of Venus ". Bugs says "Don't do that , all my friends live there."

[Mike]

On Dec 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<487b68a9-d432-42b1...@googlegroups.com>):

> my friends live there.”
ANd what about Gossamer

[Don Stockbauer]

I had never heard of such a creature but thanks to you mentioning it it started a wiki search and now I am enlightened.

[Mike]

On Dec 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<3be905da-4265-4567...@googlegroups.com>):

It is about time you lost some weight.

[Don Stockbauer]

I lost 250 pounds of ugly fat instantly – you know the joke.

[Mike]

On Dec 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<3c15e11a-98af-402d...@googlegroups.com>):

No, I never met your ex...

[Don Stockbauer]

My ex what? My ex bunion?

And you be careful Mike ; she might be reading this.

[Mike]

On Dec 17, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<fddfc3d0-6b7d-4ded...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Saturday, December 17, 2022 at 2:20:17 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Dec 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<3c15e11a-98af-402d...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > I lost 250 pounds of ugly fat instantly – you know the joke.
> > No, I never met your ex...
>

> My ex what? My ex bunion?
>
> And you be careful Mike ; she might be reading this.

Her name is Paul?????

[Don Stockbauer]

Her name is Paul ; now that's a complete non sequitur. Cant make any sense of how that relates to the previous statement . I've been scratching my head here for hours and hours to no avail.

[Mike]

On Dec 18, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<834121a2-0c70-4438...@googlegroups.com>):

Does that make you feel Blue?

[Don Stockbauer]

You did hear about lesbians , didn't you ? You do know that with them peter palls mound???

[Mike]

On Dec 18, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<eb1d18cb-2976-49ab...@googlegroups.com>):

As Ruth said to Naomi “Lesbian ardent pair"

[Don Stockbauer]

Two lesbians were having some trouble between themselves , so one of them said
"I want to be frank with you , Alice" and then Alice said "No, tonight I want to be Frank, you be Alice."

[Mike]

On Dec 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<777f6c44-c409-4a64...@googlegroups.com>):

> to be Frank, you be Alice.”
I get the thrust of that conversation

[Don Stockbauer]

Two lesbians were doing dildo play ; one of them says to the other "can I trust you with that thing "and the other one replies "you can trust me while I thrust this baby home sweetie"

[Mike]

On Dec 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<aa23d181-47fe-40da...@googlegroups.com>):

> I thrust this baby home sweetie”
I can see the hole picture

[Don Stockbauer]

Well yes, they are into photographing themselves and sending the photos in to Chaturbate.

[Mike]

On Dec 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<cdb3bba4-433a-43c2...@googlegroups.com>):

But what fish do they catch with that bait???