*************** HEY ALL *******************

[AN ANGEL]

CHECK OUT

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HAVE A GREAT DAY TOO IN FORWARDS

[Don Stockbauer]

Man goes to the doctor, he says "Doc, I fuck a whole lot , I fuck so much it rub sores on my penis and then later on I pick at them with my fingernails and they bleed . What can I possibly do about this?" The doctor said "Don't fuck with it."

[Mike]

On Aug 11, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4ea74b87-59ab-4524...@googlegroups.com>):

> fuck with it.”

Thats a variation on the old joke --
man goes to dr and says “It hurts when I do this”, the dr says “DOn’t
do this”,,,

Michael LeVine
mle...@redshift.com

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

[Don Stockbauer]

I remember Danny Thomas was starting a new series and that was the very first joke he started out with, not the one about scabs on the penis , but your joke.

[Mike]

On Aug 12, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<28a69cf6-840b-4820...@googlegroups.com>):

I cannot claim it as its even older than I am.

[Don Stockbauer]

I think that it must be the weakest joke ever created.

[Mike]

On Aug 12, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<7beaacf0-cba5-48f0...@googlegroups.com>):

Never mind of the week, it would not make joke of the day.

[Don Stockbauer]

It's right up there with "Take my wife, please "

[Mike]

On Aug 12, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<d5b174bd-0152-412a...@googlegroups.com>):

> It's right up there with "Take my wife, please “

Even when I heard that as a youngman, it was old.

[Don Stockbauer]

There was this comic who was fearless and would walk across a minefield without hesitating , his name was Dangerfield, he had this joke " Doc, my wife has VD ", he gave himself a shot!!!

[Mike]

On Aug 14, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<8104ae2b-b3da-44ae...@googlegroups.com>):

What caliber???

[Don Stockbauer]

Pretty small , those needles have a pretty small aperture , what maybe .03 inch, something like that????

[Mike]

On Aug 14, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<13324a4e-85d2-4bdb...@googlegroups.com>):

Thats a 3FR catheter --- still big for a needle

[Don Stockbauer]

I heard that dialysis needles are the very biggest; you seem to be an expert at this, is that correct?

[Mike]

On Aug 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<e69e2474-c4e9-440a...@googlegroups.com>):

Why are you so hypo-critical of my expertise??

[Don Stockbauer]

well, we all know what an expert is :

X equals the unknown.
A spurt is a drip under pressure.
So an expert is an unknown drip under pressure ; bet you never heard that one before.

[Mike]

On Aug 15, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<13fb532e-c451-4223...@googlegroups.com>):

I was saving it for later when I used the Chinese water torture on you ---
drip -- drip - drip -- drip

[Don Stockbauer]

I don't see how that Chinese water torture ever worked on anybody , it's such a minor little torture . Now dropping 30 pound concrete blocks on someone's head, now there's a torture.

[Mike]

On Aug 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<165a8fbd-633a-4027...@googlegroups.com>):

But after the first drop, it does not hurt anymore ---- your dead

[Don Stockbauer]

But you don't realize the 30 pounds concrete block torture is reserved for politicians ; they're affected
by the blocks even less than the traditional torture.

[Mike]

On Aug 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<fa1fe0c5-88d2-42f6...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Tuesday, August 16, 2022 at 11:17:04 AM UTC-5, Mike wrote:
> > On Aug 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<165a8fbd-633a-4027...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > \I don't see how that Chinese water torture ever worked on anybody , it's

> > > such
> > > a minor little torture . Now dropping 30 pound concrete blocks on someone's
> > > head, now there's a torture.
> > But after the first drop, it does not hurt anymore ---- your dead
>

> But you don't realize the 30 pounds concrete block torture is reserved for
> politicians ; they're affected
> by the blocks even less than the traditional torture.

The only thing that affects the m is a threat to their reelection chances.

[Don Stockbauer]

On Tuesday, August 16, 2022 at 1:36:20 PM UTC-5, Mike wrote:
> On Aug 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> (in article<fa1fe0c5-88d2-42f6...@googlegroups.com>):
> > On Tuesday, August 16, 2022 at 11:17:04 AM UTC-5, Mike wrote:
> > > On Aug 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > > (in article<165a8fbd-633a-4027...@googlegroups.com>):
> > > > \I don't see how that Chinese water torture ever worked on anybody , it's
> > > > such
> > > > a minor little torture . Now dropping 30 pound concrete blocks on someone's
> > > > head, now there's a torture.
> > > But after the first drop, it does not hurt anymore ---- your dead
> >
> > But you don't realize the 30 pounds concrete block torture is reserved for
> > politicians ; they're affected
> > by the blocks even less than the traditional torture.
> The only thing that affects the m is a threat to their reelection chances.
> Michael LeVine
> mle...@redshift.com
>
> Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
> finding it everywhere,
> diagnosing it incorrectly,
> and applying the wrong remedies.
> Groucho Marx

that's why we need a system not based on electrons it needs to be based on the massive person to person and person to machine and machine to machine communications globally that we now have which provides the governance of the planet and literally turns the planet into a single living system. Amen.

[Mike]

On Aug 16, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<e58190e8-115d-4987...@googlegroups.com>):

But there will be a lot of individualists who will tell the whole idea to
gaia to hell.

[Don Stockbauer]

No. They'll get sucked into it since it's all automatic via the metasystem transition. And if they're sucked into it, that indicates that they're gay.

[Mike]

On Aug 17, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<5cb1ae8e-6fbf-401a...@googlegroups.com>):

I do not bi that assumption

[Don Stockbauer]

OK , I admit it, I'm bisexual ; if I want sex, I have to buy it.

[Mike]

On Aug 17, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<c7f6b5db-9dec-43fd...@googlegroups.com>):

Even Darlene??

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes ,especially Darlene . We've had to work out some type of arrangement between the two of us and it consists entirely of her providing sex , I give her food. A banana buys several hours with her.

[Mike]

On Aug 18, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<d5627a89-407c-48ff...@googlegroups.com>):

And you do not have to be there when she uses it.

[Don Stockbauer]

Well, as I've mentioned before , what she really prefers is the pickled prize winning zucchini squash from the 1985 Ohio State Fair which measures 6 inches in diameter and 3 feet long.

[Mike]

On Aug 18, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<97cf7796-3a84-4e10...@googlegroups.com>):

But then she does like to brag.

[Don Stockbauer]

She complained that it was just a little too big to get in.

[Mike]

On Aug 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<aaced8e4-d047-4898...@googlegroups.com>):

Why should she want to get into it when she should be getting it into her???

[Don Stockbauer]

Why ? Because our language is FUBARed.

[Mike]

On Aug 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<4543fac5-819d-4616...@googlegroups.com>):

No, it is because English does not just borrow words from other languages,
it sometimes hauls them into a dark alley and mugg’s them for it.

[Don Stockbauer]

One time I was driving along and a wheel came off my car so I looked around I saw another car that still had all four wheels so I snuck over and did a wheel borrow, for all time that is:

[Mike]

On Aug 19, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<fa938829-4ba3-4305...@googlegroups.com>):

But what good is a wheelbarrow w/o its wheel???

[Don Stockbauer]

my father used to tell this bit of history that before there was the wheelbarrow there was just the barrow meaning two people carried the load , on one side of it was a Polish fellow and on the other was a Czechoslovakian fellow so of course my dad was a Czechoslovakian so he favored the Czechoslovakian side of the story, the way it goes the Czechoslovakian inventrd the wheel to replace himself and ever since the Polish fellow has been the one to do all the work or so he said it sounds kind of like a racial prejudicial type thing.

[Mike]

On Aug 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<9d9ccb9a-839c-4a2b...@googlegroups.com>):

It is always pole-itics

[Don Stockbauer]

Pole-itics full of Polemics.

[Mike]

On Aug 20, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<324ff88f-4f75-49ba...@googlegroups.com>):

That is the current pole-icy

[Don Stockbauer]

Perhaps all politicians need to have their head put on the top of the pole?

[Mike]

On Aug 21, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<551bf77d-4ed3-4c27...@googlegroups.com>):

Mention that to a local politico and watch impale at the thought

[Don Stockbauer]

One of the politicians down here in Victoria was so rotten that he went on trial and the judge said "I want this man's head on a pike " and the next thing you know I was driving down the freeway and there it was out in the middle of the lane.

[Mike]

On Aug 21, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<86dfd87a-07ae-4d17...@googlegroups.com>):

A back alley would have been more appropriate

[Don Stockbauer]

A man propositioned a prostitute , she said how much money have you got buddy and he said $.50 , she said "for $.50 all you get to do is look at it . Here, come to this back alley ", and they go back there , she hikes her dress up and he's looking at it , he says "I can't see it too good " and she says "well you got a cigarette lighter", he says yeah , so he flicks the cigarette lighter on , she says "that's some mighty fine plumbing isn't it buddy" and he says "well , yeah , you better get it working because you're on fire."

[Mike]

On Aug 21, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<4b345027-2620-41f0...@googlegroups.com>):

> he says "well , yeah , you better get it working because you're on fire.”

Well, he did want a hot date.

[Don Stockbauer]

I like dates, you know, the fruit of the palm tree but I got so tired of having to eat cold ones over the years that I built this huge fire and rigged up a grating so that I could roast the dates on this grating and everything so they became hot dates, Just like Darlene.

[Mike]

On Aug 22, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4c91475f-ad2f-4ac8...@googlegroups.com>):

> >
> > Well, he did want a hot date.
>

> I like dates, you know, the fruit of the palm tree but I got so tired of
> having to eat cold ones over the years that I built this huge fire and rigged
> up a grating so that I could roast the dates on this grating and everything
> so they became hot dates, Just like Darlene.

That explains your asbestos condoms

[Don Stockbauer]

I started my own line of condoms called the "guaranteed not to break and if they do break I'll support your child through age 18 " condom and it is the asbestos condom you can buy anywhere.

[Mike]

On Aug 22, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<e7d00f2d-527f-46d8...@googlegroups.com>):

DO you use the barrel method in raising the kid??

[Don Stockbauer]

Is that sort of like "this is my son's day in the barrel?"

What do you call a container shaped like a
barrel to store prophylactics which have little puzzles printed on the packaging ?

A condom drum

Hey, I made that up for Hallock way back tor an old issue of Pun Intended but he cheated me out of several issues so I quit him . I don't know if he's still around , maybe he lives in the O Henry house.

[Mike]

On Aug 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<f023e3a7-a22e-4e59...@googlegroups.com>):

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3sh792

[Don Stockbauer]

was that Einstein? that sure looked like Einstein .

the trouble with that advice is if you feed the child through his anus that bypasses all the nutrient gathering organs like the stomach and such and the child would die quickly. so I mean let's let's have some good advice instead of advice that will kill the little brat, although some people would consider that good advice.

[Mike]

On Aug 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<377977d9-d213-4206...@googlegroups.com>):

But it would be a tun of fun.

[Don Stockbauer]

yes it would be a lot of fun, just like those who thought it would be a lot of fun to raise a child without language but nobody dared perform the experiment , then they found a 20-year-old woman in diapers and the parents had hardly spoken anything to her her whole life and they got their answer : she was profoundly retarded and had to be institutionalized the rest of her life.

[Mike]

On Aug 23, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<34b38605-9c2a-4c4f...@googlegroups.com>):

It has been tried by various rulers down thru the ages with poor results --

[Don Stockbauer]

How do you get a device which is meant to measure distance to even begin to raise a child?

[Mike]

On Aug 24, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<f17e8744-2052-4bc3...@googlegroups.com>):

A teeter-totter will raise(and lower) a child

[Don Stockbauer]

When I was a little toddler my mother would scream at my father "Fred , you let little Don wander right up to the edge of the alligator pit AGAIN!!!!!"

[Mike]

On Aug 24, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<d6fbdb73-48d9-4805...@googlegroups.com>):

> let little Don wander right up to the edge of the alligator pit AGAIN!!!!!”

She did not want the Alligators to get sick.

[Don Stockbauer]

What's the name of someone that makes allegations?

[Mike]

On Aug 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<3b6922ac-bf2c-426f...@googlegroups.com>):

Knowing that is not up my alli....

[Don Stockbauer]

Someone who makes allegations would be an accountant who accuses you of dishonesty and then he enters the proof of your dishonesty in a ledger.

[Mike]

On Aug 25, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<30b65b7d-d2dd-44db...@googlegroups.com>):

Because he probably has been doing ledger-demain with the entries

[Don Stockbauer]

There was this accountant who had all kind of ledgers. hundreds and hundreds of small ledgers but to organize them all he had a ledger de main.

[Mike]

On Aug 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<6c54fed9-6205-4b29...@googlegroups.com>):

If you would only ledger self go, you could too.

[Don Stockbauer]

I got all despondent because of the world situation and everything so I went up to a local building here in town to the 89th floor and climbed out on the ledge and a crowd assembled , a local radio station here KVIC brought a truck out and they said let's help the situation along and so they cranked up their PA and played Van Halen's classic "Jump, mght as well jump."

[Mike]

On Aug 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<71d6b330-158a-49e7...@googlegroups.com>):

> PA and played Van Halen's classic "Jump, mght as well jump.”

Look at what you could have done for their ratings.

[Don Stockbauer]

at college there was a hated regent name Frank Irwin and the students worked up a dummy of him and went to one of the tall dorms and stuck him out of the window and all the people gathered below would say jump Frank jump jump Frank jump yeah he'd wave his arms around like he's off balancer finally they threw them out to his death down in the courtyard.

[Mike]

On Aug 26, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<9c3eac0a-f401-4e40...@googlegroups.com>):

Then there is the story from the Movie Deliverance I think. One scene had the
hero going over
a waterfall -- but for the scene they used a dummy. Afterward when asked how
it looked,
he said “Like a dummy going over the falls” So Burt Reynolds he would do
it for real and did.
Afterward when the director was asked how it looked he said “Love a dummy
going over the falls"

[Don Stockbauer]

The same thing happened on a Pink Floyd album cover, the one with the pig flying over a factory , so they thought they would make it realistic looking and got a pig balloon and used it , later someone said "You
know , the final result looked just like you did it in the studio."

[Mike]

On Aug 27, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4091c775-b108-4901...@googlegroups.com>):

> know , the final result looked just like you did it in the studio.”

What about that commercial a while back showing cats parachuting out of
airplane.
All the animal rights people gut up in arms and started protesting before
checking
it out so they did not realize until it was too late that it was all special
effects and
the cats never left the ground.

[Don Stockbauer]

It's a PETA that they didn't check first.

[Mike]

On Aug 27, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<71e5343f-242e-4a96...@googlegroups.com>):

It PETA them in their place.

[Don Stockbauer]

One of these cat commercial makers is named Pete , so one day one of his subordinates came up to him and said "Pete, uh, what do I do?"

[Mike]

On Aug 28, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<28995779-ba5a-4950...@googlegroups.com>):

> subordinates came up to him and said "Pete, uh, what do I do?”

He needs to keep his peter in his pants when around sheep

[Don Stockbauer]

There was a fellow who decided to start a whorehouse and he would be the first male madame on earth . so he was thinking of some type of novely for it so he decided to have sheep instead of women. He gave it an interesting title: F**K EWE.

[Mike]

On Aug 28, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<b772c7b2-4f9a-4004...@googlegroups.com>):

It never opened -- he wore the out before they got a chance to serve a
customer.

[Don Stockbauer]

One Saturday night it got really busy , there was a line a hundred Johns out the door , so the male madame said " You first ten in line here , come with me to a back room , I'm gonna run you through by hand."

[Mike]

On Aug 29, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<22b06dac-e36d-4bba...@googlegroups.com>):

> me to a back room , I'm gonna run you through by hand.”

A job best left to the professionals

[Don Stockbauer]

A 99-year-old man goes to a whorehouse. he tells the Madame "I want your youngest and wildest woman ." the Madame says "well that would be Darlene , but I don't know if you can handle her. you're so old, over the hill , I tell you what old man, you've had it "

"where do I pay?"

[Mike]

On Aug 30, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<e1e5284b-c933-4739...@googlegroups.com>):

> "where do I pay?”

And his son later came into the game establishment asking
“I want a girl just like the girl that buried dear old dad"

[Don Stockbauer]

You know, things are a lot wilder now in every aspect so that saying has been changed to "I want a girl , just like the girl , that flagellated dear old Dad."

[Mike]

On Aug 30, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<080d7bd0-f241-49bf...@googlegroups.com>):

> Dad.”

Well, there is uno way you will whip me into shape.

[Don Stockbauer]

there was that girl on the cover of that album by Herb Bauer and the Tijuana brass where she was covered in whip cream which just barely went above her nipple giving young 12 year old boys fantasies of having sex with her with the whip cream already being supplied and they didn't have to go out and buy any and now if you look on Google images you'll see her now and something called entropy has taken over her body .

[Mike]

On Aug 31, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<2ccdcf18-3b1c-4a46...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Wednesday, August 31, 2022 at 5:11:46 AM UTC-5, Mike wrote:
> > On Aug 30, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
> >

> > Well, there is uno way you will whip me into shape.
>

> there was that girl on the cover of that album by Herb Bauer and the Tijuana
> brass where she was covered in whip cream which just barely went above her
> nipple giving young 12 year old boys fantasies of having sex with her with
> the whip cream already being supplied and they didn't have to go out and buy
> any and now if you look on Google images you'll see her now and something
> called entropy has taken over her body .

She should have washed off that cream right after the shoot was over.

[Don Stockbauer]

Do you mean "shoot" as in taking photographic images or do you mean "shoot" as in when they washed the whipped cream off all the members of the photography crew took advantage of her?

[Mike]

On Aug 31, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<ddeeee33-742e-4415...@googlegroups.com>):

Oh cum now -- curb your dirty mind.

[Don Stockbauer]

I curbed my dirty mind and a policeman came over and arrested me for taking a shit on the curb instead of the sidewalk , shows that he was all mixed up.

[Mike]

On Aug 31, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<680f321a-5fb3-4e0b...@googlegroups.com>):

He was throwing you a curb ball.

[Don Stockbauer]

That's how I met Darleen. She was giving some guy a curb ball instead of up on the sidewalk which would've been decent.

[Mike]

On Sep 1, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<0fb1a243-f11d-4731...@googlegroups.com>):

It was activities like that which led to the Descent and fall of the Roman
Empire.

[Don Stockbauer]

I hate to keep talking about Darlene but she is the only woman in my life . the way we got bonded is that she told me I have Roman hands and Russian fingers.

[Mike]

On Sep 1, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<a142b92b-487f-40d4...@googlegroups.com>):

Does your wife know about this??

[Don Stockbauer]

actually we have a three-way going since we're all from California .
often a lady cashier or store clerk will finalize my purchase and then she'll say "is there anything else I can do for you Mr. Stockbauer " and I'll say "yes ,
I would enjoy a rousing course of sexual intercourse out at my ranch tonight " and then she'll say "Sir, I am a married woman "and then I'll say "Is he into threesomes?"

[Mike]

On Sep 2, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<f84b2ef0-3f8a-48ac...@googlegroups.com>):

> into threesomes?”

A conga line --- you into him and him into her -- and your wife and Darleen
left out.

[Don Stockbauer]

How dare you say Darlene and my wife are left out ? We want things as kinky as possible , so they join in on the ends . Just go to Chaturbate and look up the room "X-rated conga line".

[Mike]

On Sep 2, 2022, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<b1b1d0a9-442e-4efc...@googlegroups.com>):

So you add another notch to your bed for a new conga-quest.

[Don Stockbauer]

I do not nosh in my bed ; Darlene will put up with a lot of things ,but not crackers.