JEST FOR KIDS THE RIDDLES
What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was some money in the kitty. (Rita)
How much do pirates pay to have their ears pierced?
A buck-an-ear! (Allie, 10)
How did the lion feel after he devoured the female Roman athlete?
He was gladiator. (Sam)
What does a cat get from watching too many Mickey Mouse films?
Disney Spells (Rita)
Why did the pig want to be an actor?
He was a big ham. (Daily Groaner)
What did one math book say to the other?
I have a lot of problems! (Jack, 8)
Why did the guy put bread crumbs in his shoes?
So he could feed his pigeon toes. (Lederer & Ertner)
What did the alien say to the book?
Take me to your reader! (Suki, 6)
What did the big French fry say to the little French fry?
Ketchup. (Daily Groaner)
Why can't a dalmatian be a thief?
It would always get spotted! (Katie, 12)
Why did the little moron shoot the alarm clock?
Because he felt like killing time. (Bill Edwards)
What did the plate say to the other plate?
"Dinners on me!" (Quinn, 10)
What happens if you open your mouth during aTornado?
You get a tongue-twister. (Katana. 9)
Why couldn't the ghost keep a secret?
Because he was dying to tell someone. (Deanne, 11)
Why was the pet pig named Ink?
Because it kept running out of the pen. (Lederer & Ertner)
What does a porcupine like to do when playing volleyball?
Spike. (Daily Groaner)
What room is impossible to get into?
A mushroom (Hector, 8)
Where do most ants live?
In Antlantic City! (Giovanna, 10)
What did Mr. Yo-yo say to Miss Top?
Can I take you out for a spin (Anna Kostick)
What did the mother corn say to the baby corn?
"Wash your ears, son!" (Rose, 10)
Did you hear about the guy who played golf on Christmas and accidentally hit
He got a partridge on a par three. (Lederer & Ertner)
Why did it take the pig hours to cross the road?
Because he was a slow-pork! (Zaid, 12)
What do you get when you cross a pair of jeans with a dictionary?
Smarty pants! (Kevin, 9)
How did the beaver get online?
He logged on! (Naomi, 10)
How do bees get to school?
On the school buzz! (Richie, 12)
Why did the little moron want to be an electrician?
To get a charge out of life. (Bill Edwards)
What did the pencil say to the paper?
I dot my eye on you! (Amanda, 10)
Why was the sheep arrested on the freeway?
For doing an illegal ewe-turn. (Daily Groaner)
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite! (Laura, 12)
Why did the little moron cut off her finger?
She wanted to write shorthand. (Sydes)
JEST FOR KIDS - THE PUNS
When the fish restaurant offered free meals, the couple asked, ³What¹s the
catch?² (Liz Venice)
If you can’t get a upper berth in Hawaii, you can always get Aloha.
Some soloists are so bad they should sing tenor twelve miles away. Others
should sing solo you can't hear them. If you can't find someone to sing
with, you have to duet yourself. (Mike Bull
The ambitious wiener tried to be perfectly frank, but his credibility was
absolutely the wurst. (pun jab)
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't
have a leg to stand on (Eric Hodgson)
The plumber did not understand it, but his love life seemed to be going down
the drain. (Sandy Sibert)
Obesity is really widespread. (Joseph O. Kern II)
The waitress asked, "Would you care for an orange juice?" I replied, "Sure,
if it needed me." (Carol's Humor)
Louis was talking to his friend Max. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for my
Becky," he said, "and there's nothing Becky wouldn't do for me. And that's
how we go through life - doing nothing for each other." (Haust Javeri)
Last night I saw a movie with a happy ending. Everybody was glad it was
over! (Anne Kostick)
The price of shingles is going through the roof. (Pun of the Day)
Eve: "What's wrong with eating this little old apple?"
Adam: "I'll bite, what?"
The next day they both had to give up Eden. (John S. Crosbie)
He was a criminal with crooked thoughts and found it hard to think straight.
(Pun of the Day)
When the unemployed stand-up comedian got a job with a demolition company,
he finally brought down the house. (Mike Bull)
A round on the house left the customers in good spirits. (Daily Groaner)
Racing car drivers with laryngitis have hoarsepower. (Tony Thoennes)
His surgeon wanted to give him a free lobotomy saying, "think nothing of it"
(Pun of the Day)
On the shelf there are ten math books, five geography books, and the rest is
history. (Pun of the Day)
While in Italy, the wandering vacationers enjoyed a roman' holiday. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)
The "Titanic" didn't have enough lifeboats, but that was the tip of the
iceberg. (Pun of the Day)
Didja hear about paratrooper who was unable to jump? He could never explane
himself. (Gary Hallock)
If the author of the Illiad and the Oddesy had written his own versions of
Sampson and Delilah, would the first in this series be known today as
"Homer's Sampson"? (Bradley Williams)
A card shark loved donuts and always had his ace in the hole. (Mike Bull)
After a workout it is tough to get the work out. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
A hairdresser owned a feline who slept on the salon's counter amid the
plastic hair-arranging paraphernalia. She was thus known as the cat o'combs.
Some moss took a lichen to a tree (Pun of the Day)
The dry cleaner wanted to go an a date, but found he was too pressed for
time. (Sandy Sibert)
A man in South Dakota who watched the Statues beings carved on Mount
Rushmore thought it was a monumental undertaking. (Richard Waghalter)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Don't contribute in church. Be good for nothing. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Favorite pick-up line of the Little Dutch Boy: "Let's paint the town red."
(Mother Goose and Grimm: Mike Peters)
Modern armchairs are vinyl resting places. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
3 Toy Nutcrackers interrogating Mr. Peanut. One says on his cell phone,
"Give us a little more time, he's about to crack."
"Your honor, I submit that Wilber and Orville Wright rode their bicycles on
the sidewalk showing a blatant disregard for public safety! Their bail
should be set very high seein' as how they're a flight risk." (Bound &
Gagged: Dana Summers)
At the Metaphore for Life Gym. Trainer pointing to treadmill and exercise
bicycle: "Which will it be? Running in place or spinning your wheels. (Frank
& Ernest: Bob Thaves)
The Pines Golf Course: Handicapped Parking. Cars parked at signs saying; "1
Handicap" "2 Handicap" "3 Handicap" (Bound & Gagged: Dana Summers)
Gas Station pumps labeled: "Regular" and "Low-Carb" (Bottom Liners: Eric &
Political wars shoot from the lip. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Anxiety: Intense faith in the worst possible outcome. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
A bachelor always wakes up with all the blankets. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)