Kids Puns of the Weak 02-08-05

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Stan Kegel

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Feb 8, 2005, 3:12:20 PM2/8/05
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KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 02-08-05

JEST FOR KIDS ­ THE RIDDLES


Why did the kid bring scissors to school?
So he could cut class. (Angela, 11)

What did the big toe say to the little toe?
"There's a big heel following us." (Kid's Jokes)

Why are playing cards like wolves?
They come in packs. (Betty Dobnam)

What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.

How do mountains hear?
With mountaineers. (Dave, 10)

What did the big toe say to the little toe?
"There's a big heel following us." (Kid's Jokes)

Did you hear about the hold-up in the yard?
Two clothespins held up a pair of pants. (Andrew, 11)

What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?
Getting the scoop!

How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.

Why was the elephant the last animal to leave the ark?
Because it had to pack its trunk (Monica, 10)

Why are jazz musicians so sweet?
Because they play in jam sessions. (Joseph Rosenbloom)

Why is a crossword puzzle like a quarrel?
Because one word leads to another. (Joseph Rosenbloom)

What do baseball players eat on?
Home plates!

Why did the spider go to the computer?
To check his web site. (Rachel, 8)

How do turtles talk to each other?
By using shell phones! (Alexandria, 8)

What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render

Why are jazz musicians so sweet?
Because they play in jam sessions. (Joseph Rosenbloom)

Did you hear about the fortune teller who did speed readings?
She read instant tea.

What has two horns and goes, "Oom, Oom?"
A cow walking backwards.

What did the salt say to the pepper?
"Hey, what's shaking?" (Taryn, 11)

What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hello, honey!" (Joseph Rosenbloom)

What often runs around a back yard?
A fence (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)

Why are pianos so noble?
Many are upright and the rest are grand. (Joseph Rosenbloom)

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A bricklayer (Valerie, 7)

JEST FOR KIDS ­ THE PUNS

The puppeteer didn't buy the marionettes because there were strings
attached. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)

On a diet? Then you need to go to the nearest paint store. You can get
thinner there. (Stu Burner)

Doctors gave up bloodletting long ago because it was all in vein. (Pun of
the Day)

When she forgot to thaw the dinner, Mom got icy stares. (Jumble: Arnold &
Argirlon)

A lady was going to Disneyland. She saw a sign that said, ³Disneyland Left.²
So she turned around and went home. (Sophia)

During branding cowboys have sore calves. (Pun of the Day)

Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded. (Tony Thoennes)

When a college dormitory exploded, the roomers were flying, (Pun of the Day)

You've got to hand it to those palm readers. (David Schneider)

You should be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you (Pun of the
Day)

The oil rigger was fired because he told a crude joke (Jumble: Arnold &
Argirlon)

I could have been a director of the Hallelujah Chorus, but I couldn't Handel
it. (Jimmy Launce/Marsha Coleman)

Lawyer: "Now would you please tell the Jury the truth - why did you shoot
your husband with a bow and arrow?"
Defendant : "I didn't want to wake up the children." (Gail S. Angel)

I could have been a candle maker, but I didn't know wick end was up. (Jimmy
Launce/Marsha Coleman)

When the puppy chews up the couch, it is hard to cushion the blow. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked
"What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and
replied, "Spinach?"

An accountant couldn't get to sleep, so he tried counting sheep. Then he
made a mistake, and it took him all night to find it. (Gail S. Angel)

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Wait a minute please.

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
Your just playing too much croquet! (Paul Dickson)

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
You're just playing too much croquet! (Paul Dickson)

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
You're just playing too much croquet! (Paul Dickson)

PUNS IN THE COMICS

Good hotel management is purely a matter of guest work. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)

"Daddy, why did the elephants get thrown out of the pool?" "Because they
couldn't keep their trunks up" (One Big Happy: Rick Detone)

It's Monday morning. Rise and whine. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Display of bottled purified water: "Look at those prices!" "Distilled water
runs deep!" (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)

Complaining about income tax is status woe. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

To some the opposite of monotony is polygamy. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

There's no excuse for sloppy work ­ but some are working on it. (Graffiti:
Gene Mora)

Go off somewhere by yourself . Do the dishes. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)


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