Dissapeared????

[Mike]

Submissions seem to disappear occasionally. Did my last batch make it ???

Michael LeVine
mle...@redshift.com

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

[Don Stockbauer]

No.

[Don Stockbauer]

see that's kind of humorous, because if I didn't get your submission, I wouldn't know if the batch made it or not . that's kind of like "please let me know if you don't get my email. " Basically it shows that our entire system is geferked.

[Mike]

On Jan 13, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ebb5a169-7f0a-46c7...@googlegroups.com>):

Old news.

[Don Stockbauer]

Just like everything you send me.

[Mike]

On Jan 14, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<386b96cb-b2ea-40d0...@googlegroups.com>):

DO you want to press the point??

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes, I do wish to press the point.

You see, Darlene had a very unusual upbringing, she was taught that the word for "clitoris" is "point."

[Mike]

On Jan 15, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ee53dbe5-40d8-434a...@googlegroups.com>):

> for "clitoris" is "point.”
Her parents found it a sensitive subject. that they did not really want to
touch.

[Don Stockbauer]

Darlene wanted to press it, but she finds satisfaction in just looking at it in its reflection in patent leather shoes.

[Mike]

On Jan 15, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<19eaa484-0b1d-47a4...@googlegroups.com>):

Decent parents would warn their girls NOT to wear patent leather shoes
Because it enabled teen age boys to look up their dress using the reflection.

[Don Stockbauer]

yes, that was the joke nuns didn't want their female students to wear patent leather shoes because the boys could get a reflection from them and see up their dress : the national lampoon even did a piece on it showed like 6 girls wearing patent leather shoes, and the reflections showed things like bear traps.

[Mike]

On Jan 15, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<cd47cda7-8f14-410f...@googlegroups.com>):

When what they really would see would be baby traps to force some sucker into
marriage.

[Don Stockbauer]

Dad hated squirrels eating his pecans, so he trapped every one he could , but there was also a problem with babies crawling out here and eating pecans, so he set out baby traps.

[Mike]

On Jan 16, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<7bfb6c3f-6775-4994...@googlegroups.com>):

For a baby you need something it would recognize as a source of food,
for that the best choice wold be a booby trap.

[Don Stockbauer]

But boobys are seabirds , they don't come 30 miles inland like we are here.

[Mike]

On Jan 17, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<46532f3f-0f80-44a6...@googlegroups.com>):

Sea gulls make it all the way to Utah (ask any Morman) and I have seen one or
two
during a visit to Yellowstone --- so why can’t a Booby make it a mere 30
miles inland.

[Don Stockbauer]

because most blondes like to sunbathe, and not venture inland

[Mike]

On Jan 17, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<1e74f85e-66d6-46e9...@googlegroups.com>):

Are they Negotiable Blonds???

[Don Stockbauer]

Then there was that college flash card team that got hacked into displaying "Buy blondes" instead of "Buy bonds".

[Mike]

On Jan 18, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<8ef0a267-73db-4d51...@googlegroups.com>):

And how big a line up of potential customers did they have after the game???

[Don Stockbauer]

Either aleph null, or the continuum.

[Mike]

On Jan 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<04505239-1abd-4246...@googlegroups.com>):

How much peroxide did you have to buy to satisfy the demand.

[Don Stockbauer]

I went to buy some oxen , I asked the seller "How much are you going to charge per ox? I'd really like to know."

[Mike]

On Jan 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<33072fe9-73bd-40af...@googlegroups.com>):

> charge per ox? I'd really like to know.”

If you bullock thru the negotiations forcefully enough he will never know
that you don; y know.
I

[Don Stockbauer]

I think that Bob bullocks, dead, along with Timothy Leary.

[Mike]

On Jan 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<a5d291ee-98d1-4e16...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Thursday, January 19, 2023 at 2:42:27 PM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Jan 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<33072fe9-73bd-40af...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > I went to buy some oxen , I asked the seller "How much are you going to
> > > charge per ox? I'd really like to know.” If you bullock thru the negotiations forcefully enough he will never know

> > that you don; y know. I think that Bob bullocks, dead, along with Timothy Leary.

Those were high times.

[Don Stockbauer]

On Friday, January 20, 2023 at 4:29:04 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> On Jan 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> (in article<a5d291ee-98d1-4e16...@googlegroups.com>):
> > On Thursday, January 19, 2023 at 2:42:27 PM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > > On Jan 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > > (in article<33072fe9-73bd-40af...@googlegroups.com>):
> > > > I went to buy some oxen , I asked the seller "How much are you going to
> > > > charge per ox? I'd really like to know.” If you bullock thru the negotiations forcefully enough he will never know
> > > that you don; y know. I think that Bob bullocks, dead, along with Timothy Leary.
>
> Those were high times.
> Michael LeVine
> mle...@redshift.com
>
> Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
> finding it everywhere,
> diagnosing it incorrectly,
> and applying the wrong remedies.
> Groucho Marx

oh, and they're high times now! I just came down off of Everest!

[Mike]

On Jan 20, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<e4aad1ae-6ef1-4f08...@googlegroups.com>):

But Barbara Everest was lying down at the time.

[Don Stockbauer]

Now Mike, I know you like to disparage me but really, a dead British actress who made movies back in the 20s?????

[Mike]

On Jan 20, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<0d40352a-3fff-4320...@googlegroups.com>):

So that is not one of your kinks???

[Don Stockbauer]

I wondered why no water was coming out of the end of my garden hose.

[Mike]

On Jan 21, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ed983f61-9f5a-421a...@googlegroups.com>):

That is putting a different twist on this thread.

[Don Stockbauer]

If you put a twist on a thread, it'll get knotted just like a garden hose.

[Mike]

On Jan 22, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<f5e88d7a-c309-4971...@googlegroups.com>):

But no-one could twist like Chubby Checker...

[Don Stockbauer]

gosh, the Twist, I was in second grade when the twist got popular I still remember someone showing me how to do it, they said you kind of twist your arms around and then you put your right foot forward and act like you're crushing out a cigarette with a circular motion of your foot .

[Mike]

On Jan 22, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<060c39e8-b2b0-4834...@googlegroups.com>):

It helped keep Chiropractors in business.

[Don Stockbauer]

I don't like chiropractors. I think that they're charlatans. I like to go to my regular orthopedic surgeon charlatan.

[Mike]

On Jan 23, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<46719df9-de0a-460c...@googlegroups.com>):

So you say he IS all he is cracked up to be???

[Don Stockbauer]

They all read Cracked magazine, a competitor of MAD.

[Mike]

On Jan 23, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<8adba18d-1f0f-4ea5...@googlegroups.com>):

They had to be cracked to try and compete..

[Don Stockbauer]

And for some odd reason when I subscribed to Cracked magazine, it came on a giant pecan, and the writing was on the inside of the pecan at that ( so I had to crack it to read it).

[Mike]

On Jan 24, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ca87fa12-6e02-47b9...@googlegroups.com>):

A shattering revelation.

[Don Stockbauer]

egg zack lee. my revelation was just like those revelations at the end of the Bible, which are sure to come true because well, it's in the Bible , God used the authors of the Bible just as if he were writing himself. Another words, God's will was coming through the writers hands or something like that.

[Mike]

On Jan 24, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<7963e289-536b-4380...@googlegroups.com>):

Is that how come they were not handed a writ charging plagiarism??
That is a torah - bul accusation.

[Don Stockbauer]

> and applying the wrong remedies. l
> Groucho Marx

In my household, we have some jars used for canning pickles and such , but then we also have jars that the children play with , we're great believers plagiarism

[Mike]

On Jan 25, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<a6819b1d-57a7-4d54...@googlegroups.com>):

For a moment I thought you were about to say you used the barrel method for
raising children, substituting jars for the barrel.

[Don Stockbauer]

I do use the barrel method on them. It comes from having been a sailor and I had to do those "my day in the barrel " things. I enjoyed it so much I asked for extra days.

[Mike]

On Jan 25, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<67085b33-e544-44ef...@googlegroups.com>):

Daze and Daze of it.

[Don Stockbauer]

The way they got me to enjoy it so much they hit me with a lead pipe on the back of the head and put me in a daze and then hypnotized me into enjoying it

[Mike]

On Jan 26, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<db4468dd-f04d-4370...@googlegroups.com>):

A stun - ing admission

[Don Stockbauer]

Out here on the ranch we have stun guns also known as cattle prods, and I hate to mention this, but Darlene and I are on the S&M side of the road and it's fun to see just how much each of us can tolerate .

[Mike]

On Jan 26, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<fdbf49a4-802d-4a7e...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Thursday, January 26, 2023 at 10:28:53 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Jan 26, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<db4468dd-f04d-4370...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > The way they got me to enjoy it so much they hit me with a lead pipe on the
> > > back of the head and put me in a daze and then hypnotized me into enjoying
> > > it
> > A stun - ing admission
>

> Out here on the ranch we have stun guns also known as cattle prods, and I
> hate to mention this, but Darlene and I are on the S&M side of the road and
> it's fun to see just how much each of us can tolerate .

Prod - ducing what???

[Don Stockbauer]

On Friday, January 27, 2023 at 6:04:10 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> On Jan 26, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> (in article<fdbf49a4-802d-4a7e...@googlegroups.com>):
> > On Thursday, January 26, 2023 at 10:28:53 AM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > > On Jan 26, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > > (in article<db4468dd-f04d-4370...@googlegroups.com>):
> > > > The way they got me to enjoy it so much they hit me with a lead pipe on the
> > > > back of the head and put me in a daze and then hypnotized me into enjoying
> > > > it
> > > A stun - ing admission
> >
> > Out here on the ranch we have stun guns also known as cattle prods, and I
> > hate to mention this, but Darlene and I are on the S&M side of the road and
> > it's fun to see just how much each of us can tolerate .
> Prod - ducing what???
> Michael LeVine
> mle...@redshift.com
>
> Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
> finding it everywhere,
> diagnosing it incorrectly,
> and applying the wrong remedies.
> Groucho Marx

producing waves of pressure throughout our bodies. that's because the pain and pleasure centers are right near one another in the brain so that when pain is produced, it also produces pleasure kind of a yin and yang type dealy. Do you think I can get scientific publication out of this?

[Mike]

On Jan 27, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<9fa538b2-a8c5-428f...@googlegroups.com>):

But a story submitted to these people wold be more profitable
-----www.stormynightpublications.com

[Don Stockbauer]

thank you for giving me that URL. It gives me a chance to relate the following story which I find humorous and it's true :
Back when Diana and Charles got married they did a piece on Barbara Cartland, who is some kind of relative or another. They showed her at work. She lay back on her divan and spewed out crap like "and then Rodney met Gertrude in the garden and they listen to the birds tweeting, and then he put his hand upon her bosom, and she reacted by fainting blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, but the key to all this is they showed how she recorded her data, the camera panned over to the corner of the room and here was this wizened 93-year-old woman with a court reporting machine, capturing Cartland's pearls of wisdom for all eternity.

[Mike]

On Jan 27, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<67d99c57-42e6-4bc4...@googlegroups.com>):

But they were NOT cultured pearls.

[Don Stockbauer]

The pearls of wisdom she created for this documentary were refined in culture compared to the gutter language slut talk that she normally produces.

[Mike]

On Jan 27, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<b8c1e9e2-e9cf-4598...@googlegroups.com>):

A whore - able example.

[Don Stockbauer]

And when she goes outside on a winter's morning she just loves to see a prostitute who stayed outside overnight covered with hoarfrost.

[Mike]

On Jan 28, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<58bfff1b-aa77-4810...@googlegroups.com>):

She should have read her Whore - iscope for that day

[Don Stockbauer]

Here in Victoria, we have houses on Halloween that you pay to go in and they have ghosts and black cats and jack-o'-lanterns and such , we call them our House of Whores.

[Mike]

On Jan 29, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<60455a83-be86-45ce...@googlegroups.com>):

For those who like to wrestle, the madam can sometimes prove a Whore de Force

[Don Stockbauer]

A 98 year old man goes into a whorehouse , he goes up to the Madam and says " I want your youngest and wildest woman." The Madam says "well , that'll be Stella. But I don't know , old man, you look weak. Your knees are clattering you can't see, I don't know about it. I think you've had it " He said " Great, where do I pay?"

[Mike]

On Jan 29, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<a3df86c1-7e65-42cb...@googlegroups.com>):

> Great, where do I pay?”

Man goes into a brothel and says to the Madam “I want a girl just like the
girl that buried dear old dad?

[Don Stockbauer]

There's another version of that song, it goes:

"I want a girl ,
Just like the girl,
That gave a humm job to dear old Dad."

[Mike]

On Jan 30, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<3d558062-ae30-480e...@googlegroups.com>):

a real humm dinger

[Don Stockbauer]

or like Chevy Chase said on that one Saturday night live sketch , you know , the beginning of the news and he acts like he was on the phone to his girlfriend or wife and he said "honey , it's not what tune you humm, It's just the fact that you humm"

[Mike]

On Jan 30, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<cb327bb8-b0b8-48a7...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Monday, January 30, 2023 at 12:11:44 PM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Jan 30, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<3d558062-ae30-480e...@googlegroups.com>):
> > > >

> > > > Man goes into a brothel and says to the Madam “I want a girl just like
> > > > the
> > > > girl that buried dear old dad?
> > >

> > > There's another version of that song, it goes:
> > >
> > > "I want a girl ,
> > > Just like the girl,
> > > That gave a humm job to dear old Dad.
> > a real humm dinger

> or like Chevy Chase said on that one Saturday night live sketch , you know ,
> the beginning of the news and he acts like he was on the phone to his
> girlfriend or wife and he said "honey , it's not what tune you humm, It's

> just the fact that you humm”

Requires purr - fict pitch

[Don Stockbauer]

What do you call two cats mating in an absolutely perfect manner? It's purr-f**k lee.

[Mike]

On Jan 31, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<9d58e522-67f7-4d46...@googlegroups.com>):

As the hermaphrodite said “I will be with you in two sex"

[Don Stockbauer]

What do you call a person who contains both genders on their body who champions lesbian causes over gay male causes?

her more for Dyke's

[Mike]

On Jan 31, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<27170a05-d2b4-41d1...@googlegroups.com>):

You put your finger on (or is it in) the problem.

[Don Stockbauer]

Darlene likes to be fingered so she told me put margarine on your fingers. I told her no , butter would be better because I'd like Butterfingers.

[Mike]

On Feb 1, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<be70f0b1-1b90-4518...@googlegroups.com>):

For butter or worse===

[Don Stockbauer]

at the moment of orgasm a crown appears on Darlene's head.

I can't quite remember what margarine that was. The margarine in commercials where a crown would appear on somebody's head or something like that?

[Mike]

On Feb 1, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<4a82dfd0-36a8-463c...@googlegroups.com>):

But was a fake, not worth a shilling

[Don Stockbauer]

Well, Mike Pence once had a crown, or half a crown anyway.

[Mike]

On Feb 2, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<fa465cfe-0950-445a...@googlegroups.com>):

Were you used as his guinea pig??

[Don Stockbauer]

if you could duplicate Pence and make three of him altogether, you'd have a truppence.

[Mike]

On Feb 2, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<f6d14b3b-4c51-43e6...@googlegroups.com>):

But who want pants with three legs???

[Don Stockbauer]

If a man were enormously endowed, he'd need to utilize the third pants leg.

[Mike]

On Feb 3, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4e892412-cc81-4023...@googlegroups.com>):

If in the army, it would make holding a short arm inspection easier.

[Don Stockbauer]

I know this fellow that went into the army and he was a genetic freak, he actually had a small working arm there in that place.

[Mike]

On Feb 3, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<03a9b6c9-5df9-4901...@googlegroups.com>):

A handy location.

[Don Stockbauer]

Here in Texas there used to be a food store chain called Handy Andy, so if this guy named his little arm down there, Andy and he put his hand on it, it would be like a handy Andy.

[Mike]

On Feb 4, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<64bb98d0-e7cf-4134...@googlegroups.com>):

What else are you going to palm off on us??

[Don Stockbauer]

I have 50 gallons of palm oil I have to move.

[Mike]

On Feb 4, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<05519e12-f8d4-4325...@googlegroups.com>):

Drink some and you will have plenty of movement

[Don Stockbauer]

There is petrified Palm wood around here, very valuable.

[Mike]

On Feb 5, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<cf14d93b-d562-421a...@googlegroups.com>):

All that booze would petrify anyone

[Don Stockbauer]

> and applying the wrong remedies. l
> Groucho Marx

I was petrified that you might say that.

[Mike]

On Feb 5, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<d0408c6a-23f7-4196...@googlegroups.com>):

But not putrefied.

[Don Stockbauer]

After someone shot me, I was putrified.

[Mike]

On Feb 6, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<1aeb0872-bb39-4203...@googlegroups.com>):

You should really quit using that 150+ proof stiff

[Don Stockbauer]

Hey man, drink enough of that 150+ proof stuff you'll never putrefy .

it'll be like this little ditty:

"Here lies Professor Hyde,
pickled in formaldehyde"

[Mike]

On Feb 6, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<487f9a36-4cb1-4d3a...@googlegroups.com>):

> pickled in formaldehyde”
So his AA sponsor would have to play Hyde and go seek when meeting times came
around.

[Don Stockbauer]

I had an AA sponsor ; little did I know what he thought an AA sponsor was, was to go out and procure booze for me.

[Mike]

On Feb 7, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<236bed32-f113-4bdb...@googlegroups.com>):

While you were describe about it and waited till the still of the night to
get yours.

[Don Stockbauer]

it took more than The Still of the night to satisfy me. It also took the still of the day, the afternoon, Columbus Day, and St. Vitus' dance day.

[Mike]

On Feb 7, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<fe51f6c8-fed6-4f89...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Tuesday, February 7, 2023 at 12:53:07 PM UTC-6, Mike wrote:
> > On Feb 7, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
> > (in article<236bed32-f113-4bdb...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > I had an AA sponsor ; little did I know what he thought an AA sponsor was,
> > > was to go out and procure booze for me.
> > While you were describe about it and waited till the still of the night to
> > get yours.
>

> it took more than The Still of the night to satisfy me. It also took the
> still of the day, the afternoon, Columbus Day, and St. Vitus' dance day.

With that thirst you must have been able to drink Canada Dry...