Kids Puns of the Weak 08-17-04

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Stan Kegel

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Aug 17, 2004, 3:49:08 PM8/17/04
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KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 08-17-04

JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES

What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting! (Daily Groaner)

Why was the ancient Egyptian confused?
Because his dad was a mummy (Yvonne)

Why did the man take his clock to the vet?
Because it had ticks! (Breonna, 17)

How do you make a skeleton laugh?
By tickling his funny bone. (Rosie OąDonnell)

What happened when the store reduced the price of ladders?
Sales climbed. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)

Why do people feel stronger on Saturdays and Sundays?
Because all the other days are week days. (Archives)

What should an astronaut do when he gets dirty?
Take a meteor shower (Bruce, 8)

What happened to the boy who ran through a screen door?
He strained himself (Tony Thoennes)

What kind of garden does a baker have?
A flour garden (Daily Groaner)

Why did the biologist get a job at the store?
He really knew how to cell. (Mike Benny)

Why did the atheist church fold?
There was no prophet (Stan Kegel)

What reptile enforces the law in Canada?
A Mountie Python. (Lederer & Ertner)

What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves (Dorian, 11)

How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line. (Rosie OąDonnell)

What does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform?
New Jersey. (Josh, 7)

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?
By its bark! (Breonna, 10)

When water becomes ice, which of its properties increases?
Its price (Haust Javeri)

Why did the lady put makeup all over her head?
She wanted to make up her mind. (Robert, 11)

When two snakes marry, what do their towels say?
Hiss and Hers (Kassandra, 7)

What type of music do rabbits like?
Hip-Hop (Shyanne, 7)

Where does the Old Lady That Lived in A Shoe plan to send her children to
college?
To Oxford (The Wit Wizard)

What do you call a scared tyrannosaurus?
A nervous rex. (Rosie OąDonnell)

What part of a car is the laziest?
The wheels. They are always tired. (Archives)

How is it possible to have four hands?
By doubling your fists (Sophia, 8)

Who lives in a sand castle?
A sand witch! (Alice, 9)

When are sheep like ink?
When they are in a pen. (Daily Groaner)

Why did one shrimp swim into another one?
Because he was accident-prawn. (Lederer & Ertner)

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake! (Veronica, 12)

What is "out of bounds˛?
An exhausted kangaroo! (Alesya, 10)

What do you call a lizard that sings?
A rap-tile! (Shane, 12)

Why are owls invited to so many parties?
Because they are a hoot to have around. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)

JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS

When a window shatters, you know that it's not all it was cracked up to be.
(Mike Bull)

Tires are fixed for a flat rate. (Tony Thoenne)s

Don't expect to eat something fancy when you're flying because it's plane
food. (Pun of the Day)

Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew. (Tony
Thoennes)

A reporter was at an ice cream store getting the scoop (Pun of the Day)

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't
yell out Hi Jack! (Mike Bull)

Scientists wanting to send a rocket to Jupiter had to really planet. (Pun
of the Day)

Spray paint sells for a good mark up. (Mike Bull)

Wrestlers don't like to be put on hold. (Haust Javeri)

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long
pole. "Are you a pole vaulter?" "No, I'm German, but how did you know my
name is Walter?" (Tim Davis)

After the earthquake, the scientist wanted to find the łfault˛ (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)

For insomnia, move to the edge of the bed, you'll soon drop off. (Tony
Thoennes)

If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness (Mike Bull)

They were going to cancel the fishing season due to red tape, but it turned
out to be a red herring. (Pun of the Day)

If you use narcotics to achieve transcendental states and then project
yourself astrally into a bottle of top-shelf liquor, are you in high
spirits? (Jason Dias)

The Mennonite church broke into several splinter groups. They were
dissected. (Bob Dvorak)

Mothers of male offspring read Play, Boy (Cynthia MacGregor)

The orchestra conductor was disconcerted. (Bob Dvorak)

When the pupil completed his punishment, he ended up with a clean slate.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)

When the beauty queen addressed the crowd, she turned into a figure of
speech. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)

PUNS IN THE COMICS

Boys with baseball bat ball mitt looking out window at rain. Dad says to
mother, łA reminder of a miracle in the Bible. Turning water into whine.˛
(Family Circle: Jeff & Bill Keane)

When the customer started through the grocery checkout line, the bag boy
asked, "Paper or plastic?" When the cashier presented the bill, he held out
a checkbook and credit card asking, "Paper or plastic?" (Pastor Tim Davis)

Racing car drivers with laryngitis have hoarsepower. (Pun of the Day)

When a rich man bought a car for his son, he soon found he had nothing to
chauffeur it. (Mike Bull)

Night Gowns are nap sacks. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Profanity Making ignorance audible. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Canąt get a jar open? Tell a four year old not to touch it (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)

The most dreaded wind instrument is the orator. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)


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