3/23 Puns
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 11:48:32 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Really, Laviana weighs 115 pounds, or 52.16 kg.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Not fair. I never weighed so little.
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> You were never a child?
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> That was so long ago I forgot.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Barely twice mine.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> Let's talk again when you are my age.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> It would be difficult for either of us to be quiet
> >>>>> until then.
> >>>>
> >>>> One can still hope.
> >>>
> >>> I could go off on a silly tangent here, but nah.
> >>
> >> How would that be any different that what you normally do?
> >
> >This one would be controlled.
>
> Who gets to hold your remote control?
Remote: To dig another circle around a castle and fill it with water.
Tim Bruening
Greg Evans wrote:
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> [snipped "furry" stuff]
>
> > BTW, did you know if you joined three of them you get a discount?
>
> I never got farther than the intro page. All I could think of was the
> amount of shedding hair involved, which pretty much put me off the
whole
> idea.
Discount: To insult Dracula.
Dismay: To insult the 5th month.
Shedding: A place to store tool bells.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 09:11:00 -0400, "Zotmeister" <z...@cox.net> found
these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >> > > I'll be signing autographs outside.
> >> >
> >> > With what, I don't want to know.
> >>
> >> An Aspen?:)
> >>
> >> A Bull Pen?
> >>
> >> A Pentalope?
> >>
> >> A Puncil?
> >
> >If you tap that last one against a table to a funky beat, is that Rap
> >Puncil? And does it get all the ladies to let their hair down and
let you
> >climb over them? (That does seem to be the effect of rap in music
videos.)
> >
> >Brothers Grimm, we hardly knew ye.... - ZM, who notes that if you
haven't
> >read the REAL Rapunzel, you should - it's a DARK tale, and the "climb
over
> >them" part is more accurate than you may think otherwise
> >
> It towers over King.
Aspen: A donkey tree writing instrument.
Aston: 2,000 pounds of fire remains.
Grafton: A 2,000 pound bribe.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> My dog does not like Cage.
Composer: Electronic musical knight.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <d31jb.8516$Ol.2...@read1.cgocable.net>, tnktk...@cogeco.ca,
> Kathy was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:6mlmov8gpaaqavblj...@4ax.com...
> >> On Sun, 12 Oct 2003 23:53:28 -0400, "Kathy" <tnktk...@cogeco.ca>
> >> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >
> >> >"Don Kirkman" <spamb...@covad.net> wrote in message
> >> >news:rctgovkcl39m7gete...@4ax.com...
> >> >> I really hate hiking on trails that don't have clear direction signs,"
> >> >> Tom remarked with antipathy.
> >> >> --
> >> >
> >> >"There is definitely a gap between one Russian emperor and the next,"
> >noted
> >> >Tom with sarcasm.
> >> >
> >> "I don't follow this ...." Tom trailed off.
> >
> >...make that czarcasm....
> >
> He divorced the misses. it was irriconcilable differences. "czar chasm"
Take a hike on an E-Road, M-Path, or N-Trail.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <gnSib.22779$SJ5....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:voje6ci...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> >> news:vecjov4r8et97gk0e...@4ax.com...
> >> > Hindu-Swiss cheese: Holey Cow!
> >>
> >> veggie burgers
> >>
> >(true)
> >A Swiss Cheese manufacturer once bought a number of ultrasonic concrete
> >testers from off of CNS Electronics to measure the average density/size of
> >holes in the cheese.
> >
> >This was handy, because they didn't have a scrap of ultrasonic concrete
> >about the place.
> >
> The trouble with that imported swiss cheese is that it is as hard as concrete
Cheesy: Ocean of dairy products.
Cowing: Flying bovine.
Emu: Internet cow.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
Follow the True Whey!
Tim Bruening
Mos wrote:
> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > "Byron Collins" <bcol...@clarksville.com> wrote in message
> > news:<nHIuc.4$wg2....@news.abs.net>...
> >> Hello All,
> >>
> >> Are there any "Aesop's Fables" fans on this Ngroup?
> >> I'm the one who converted these fables into Geos
> >> and PalmReader EBook format.
> >
> > Yes, I liked those fables!
> >
> > Fable: Story telling male bovine.
>
> Fable: Male bovine, name of Fay.
> Must be gay.
A gable?
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> I just went to a pun site made by a female, who, for obvious reasons, I
> won't name. Everything there is pretty normal, but at the bottom of one
> page is a button offering to show us her "Submission Form". I *didn't*
> press on it because how she does that shouldn't be on the web and _I_
> refuse to look at such an obscenity!
Submission: A church for fish.
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
Obsenity: Tea that makes you swear.
Tim Bruening
Kathy wrote:
> "Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> news:vod83qg...@corp.supernews.com...
> >
> > "Hauke Reddmann" <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote in message
> > news:bm5q9i$a0s$1...@rzsun03.rrz.uni-hamburg.de...
> > > Nehmo Sergheyev <neh...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > > > I just went to a pun site made by a female, who, for obvious reasons,
> I
> > > > won't name. Everything there is pretty normal, but at the bottom of
> one
> > > > page is a button offering to show us her "Submission Form". I *didn't*
> > > > press on it because how she does that shouldn't be on the web and _I_
> > > > refuse to look at such an obscenity!
> > >
> > > Good that I didn't tell you about the cuneiform.
> >
> > I heard she uses a similar saying as Arnold uses-I"ll be on my back.
> > >
> They say she and several other ladies formed a lumbar company.
Submission Form: Form you fill out to go to a church in the deep blue
sea.
Tim Bruening
Hauke Reddmann wrote:
> I wanted to make some textil jokes, but they
> are hardly satinsfying. In fact, they are
> totally lamé.
Textile: The writing on the walls and floors.
Fabric: cloth walls.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> > On Sat, 17 Jan 2004 22:18:29 +1030
> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >
> >>
> >> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> news:o33h009d0nue10flq...@4ax.com...
> >>> On 16 Jan 2004 12:59:22 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found these
> >>> unused words floating about:
> >>>
> >>>> One of my students says that he is from the United Arab Emirates,
> >>>> but I think it is a Dubaious claim.
> >>> Would that be in Aden a good grade?
> >>
> >> Yemen play much gulf?
> >>
> > No, but I Saudi Arabia bowl on TV yesterday.
>
> Bah! Rain stopped play.
Bahrain: Rain of sheep.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Trail Ling: Chinese in back.
Tim Bruening
Staking: King of beef.
Tim Bruening
Methuselah Jones wrote:
> Carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of J.
> A. Mc. of alt.humor.puns make plain:
>
> > On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 22:26:08 +1000, "Pollywolly" <po...@atjfaq.com>
> > found these unused words floating about:
> >
> >>J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 10:22:38 +1000, "Pollywolly" <po...@atjfaq.com>
> >>> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>
> >>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>> On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 20:57:22 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> >>>>> <po...@atjfaq.com> found these unused words floating about:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> Dougal wrote:
> >>>>>>> On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 20:54:25 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> >>>>>>> <po...@atjfaq.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Dougal wrote:
> >>>>>>>>> On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 20:50:22 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> >>>>>>>>> <po...@atjfaq.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> You tartine!!
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Brie have yourself.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Camembert and say that.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Do I have to? I'm cheesed off at this moment.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> I was wondering what that blue vein in your neck was.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Be stilton my beating heart ...
> >>>>
> >>>> Sit on this cheddar, you'll be all right soon.
> >>>
> >>> Fromage to youth ... thanks!
> >>
> >>Youth sometimes comes from cottage
> >
> > There was a large curd and a small curd until sa damn idiot blew 'em
> > away.
>
> Now, don't get curd awhey.
Do you know any good Kurdishes.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> fredm...@the.PC wrote:
> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > news:<3faca554$0$3791$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> >> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>> On Thu, 6 Nov 2003 18:33:54 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> >>> about:
> >>>
> >>>> fredm...@the.PC wrote:
> >>>>> whee...@tns.net (mike wheeEler) wrote in message
> >>>>> news:<3fa88...@127.0.0.1>...
> >>>>>> In article <vsjfqvsc77hsnhd5i...@4ax.com>,
> >>>>>> mam...@watering.hole, Buffalo Chialkt was looking at the world
> >>>>>> oddly when:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> The grateful coffee farmer offered me a bag of dark roast, but
> >>>>>>> as a county extension agent I can't accept that kind of perk.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> Yeah... day after day... always the same old grind...
> >>>>>
> >>>>> I wouldn't accept that kind of dark roast pork..er.. perk in a
> >>>>> bag.
> >>>>
> >>>> On what grounds?
> >>>>
> >>> He's afraid of the brew (ha-ha) it would start. Espresso(ly)
> >>> forbidden in his contract.
> >>
> >> He'd become an instant has-bean!
> >
> > Maybe, but I hear he's still hot in Java, where he was Born-eo.
>
> Borneo?? I didn't know he was a short black! So, was he born on the
> Froth of July?
May the 4th be with you!
Lettuce March 4th 4 Whirled Peas!
Tim Bruening
"fredm...@the.PC ŹŽ" wrote:
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
>
> >Pan head: Screw used to hold handles onto cooking utensils. Cheese
> head: Screw that holds mousetraps together. Countersunk: Used in flooded
> shops. Round head: Screw that holds Oliver Cromwell together. Instrument
> head: Holds the keywork on saxophones together.
>
> >Nemo
> >(Anyone noticed that he's got the colour scheme of a Clown Fish?)
>
> > Shit head : Screw used to prevent back sides from opening at
> inopportune times.
>
> Phillips' Head : Ornamental British screw, used solely by QE2.
>
> Pot Head : Screw with missing threads that usually turns into a...
>
> Dead Head : Totally useless screw, before and after Jerry Garcia's
> death.
>
> Fred's Head : Loose screw, used solely for entertainment purposes.
Lettuce Head to the vegetable isle!
Head of cattle: Moo screw.
Tim Bruening
dustbird wrote:
> Man pulls into rural filling station.
> "My cars overheated. Can I leave it till it cools ?"
> "Sure. I'll fill the radiator for you."
> "What a mitzvoh! What's your name?"
> "Will"
> "Mine's Moshe. I need a ride to the synagogue. Can I use your phone?"
> "I'll give you a lift, rabbi."
> "Oy vey! You are one of the righteous gentiles! Thank you. Say, I also
> need to grab a bite to eat. Do you have any kosher snacks by any chance,
> Will?
> "Just ran out of stock. You can have a plug of my chewing tobacco if you
> want, Moshe."
> "Sorry, my friend! I'm not chewish!"
Good Will Hunting.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> Did you hear about the couple who exchanged wedding vows while
> skydiving? They fell in love!
I sure hope this marriage doesn't fall apart or crash!
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <3361f1b9.03110...@posting.google.com>,
> fre...@webtv.net, fredm...@the.PC was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >whee...@tns.net (mike wheeEler) wrote in message
> news:<3fae0...@127.0.0.1>...
> >> In article <UIfrb.35203$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> >> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >mike wheeEler <whee...@tns.net> wrote in message
> >> >news:3fad0...@127.0.0.1...
> >> >> In article <giLqb.17425$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> >> >> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >> >> >
> >> >> >
> >> >> >mike wheeEler <whee...@tns.net> wrote in message
> >> >> >news:3fab2...@127.0.0.1...
> >> >> >> In article <A3zqb.13848$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> >> >> >> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >mike wheeEler <whee...@tns.net> wrote in message
> >> >> >> >news:3fa9b...@127.0.0.1...
> >> >> >> >> In article <c4bqb.1498$Ou6...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> >> >> >> >> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> >fredm...@the.PC <fre...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> >> >> >> >> >news:3361f1b9.03110...@posting.google.com...
> >> >> >> >> >> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> >> news:<m%Upb.1355$_f4....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> >> >> >> >> >> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> >> >> >> >> >> > news:b39eqvsloqtcjg98s...@4ax.com...
> >> >> >> >> >> > >
> >> >> >> >> >> > > Man with butterflies in stomach leave caterpillars in
> >> outhouse.
> >> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> >> > Sailor with stones in kidneys leave rocks in Head.
> >> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> >> Billboard MagazineHead line :
> >> >> >> >> >> HEADBANGERS ALERT !
> >> >> >> >> >> Rolling Stones to Rock Kidney, Australia
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> >Rolling Stones: The worst pain known to medical silence!
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> It's your Jewel of d'Nile... next week is Ruby Tuesday..
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >What a giveaway!! Have you got the set of her and another model in a
> >> library
> >> >> >> >;o)!!! Oops! There's another giveaway!
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >Ruby Tuesday?? Is that when somebody rubs her up the wrong way? -
> >> Probably
> >> >> >> >Melon-knee!
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> Just a melon collie Monday was spicey...
> >> >> >> You were thinking
> >> >> >> John Cougar Melon knee and camp..
> >> >> >
> >> >> >He had a very strange fetish. Saw him mountain lion once!
> >> >> >
> >> >> You jogged my memory...
> >> >> That bit about Monday was actually by the BangGirls..
> >> >
> >> >Not BangGirls, Boar-balls and Beads?
> >> >
> >> Them other ones will tell you that they want, what they really realy want..
> >> is your balls..
> >
> >Not a problem. I can give them the sac !
>
> I think he is cheating.
> I can tell because I saw him walk like he jipped them.
Cheating: Bell that commits adultry.
Tim Bruening
"fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message news:<3fadb00b$0$9606$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > nemo wrote:
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3FAC9C47...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > >>
> > >>> Do plumbers have pipe dreams?
> > >>
> > >> Or do they have wet dreams?
> > >
> > > Depends on the size of their cock, pet.
> >
> > Ah, your dick shone here..it was superb!
>
> Yes, his is a big Dick show, n' hairy !
Tricky Dick.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> College of Marine Biology - schools of fish!
Where fish learn about the birds and the bees.
Tim Bruening
Kathy wrote:
> "ynotssor" <"ynotssor"> wrote in message
> news:3fae7...@corp.newsgroups.com...
> > "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > news:h6tsqv4to30atn26o...@4ax.com
> >
> > > Organic farming - growing crops in Oregon.
> >
> > Organic farming - harvesting organasms.
> >
> Organic farming - harvesting organs.
Shades of Larry Niven!
Bootlegger: One who fits legs to boots.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> fredm...@the.PC 住 <FRE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:15179-3FA...@storefull-2371.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> > ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> >
> > >Pan head: Screw used to hold handles onto cooking utensils. Cheese
> > head: Screw that holds mousetraps together. Countersunk: Used in flooded
> > shops. Round head: Screw that holds Oliver Cromwell together. Instrument
> > head: Holds the keywork on saxophones together.
> >
> > >Nemo
> > >(Anyone noticed that he's got the colour scheme of a Clown Fish?)
> >
> > > Shit head : Screw used to prevent back sides from opening at
> > inopportune times.
> >
> > Phillips' Head : Ornamental British screw, used solely by QE2.
> >
> > Pot Head : Screw with missing threads that usually turns into a...
> >
> > Dead Head : Totally useless screw, before and after Jerry Garcia's
> > death.
> >
> > Fred's Head : Loose screw, used solely for entertainment purposes.
> >
> Potato Head: Made of Aloo minium.
>
> Torx: Verbose screw.
>
> Hex: Used to hold witches together.
>
> Wood's Crew: Tree Fellahs.
>
> Double Threaded: NG conversation in stereo.
Screwing: Flying screw.
Tim Bruening
Hauke Reddmann wrote:
> Last year, during my holiday in Italy, a wreckless
> driver nearly ran me over.
> I refrained to discuss things out - he was an Alfa male.
But what did you reach into your glovebox for? The subject title
promised me a glovebox!
Badminton: Evil 2,000 pound glove.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> just wondering <fmh...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> >If you have to explain it, it ain't funny.
>
> That's why it is called "Bartoshing" ... and we have Mr. Humor (aka
> Mr. Bartosh) to thank for this wonderful new word that replaces your
> 9-word phrase!
Bartosh: Where toes drink beer?
Bartosh: To ban toes?
Tim Bruening
artyw wrote:
> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message news:<w5zrb.49343$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > news:60tsqvgm2tfdg0g7r...@4ax.com...
> > >
> > > My dog does not like Cage.
> >
> > Does he make him Offenbach?
>
> I can't Handel these composer puns. Please don't Liszt any more
That's music to my ears!
Music: The cow is ill.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> College of Marine Biology - schools of fish!
Who are taught in subclasses.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:6v1uqv0e716tm5aer...@4ax.com...
> > On Sun, 09 Nov 2003 18:07:06 GMT, "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet>
> > wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > >news:rsssqvgc6rpdv08ke...@4ax.com...
> > >>
> > >> College of Marine Biology - schools of fish!
> > >
> > >Ditto for Cetaceans: University of Wales.
> > >
> >
> > Thanks for baleen me out.
>
> that's all "Right"
Can you Pilot me through the great Blue sea?
Tim Bruening
"The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> Humor fans,
>
> It's great to be back. Just do another "Humor of the Great Composers"
> like we did in the good old days!!!
>
> Q: Why did the legless man listen to the first movement of the Hayden
> Trumpet and Horn Concerto in E-flat Major?
>
> A: He wanted to hear a leg grow!!
>
> HH: a leg grow. Allegro. The first movement of the Hayden Trumpet and
> Horn Concerto in E-flat Major is titled Alegro. Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
That one fell E-flat for me. You are going Bachwards!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:408ADC26...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4084B758...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Betraying: Chinese double agent.
> > > >
> > > > Boating: Musical watercraft.
> > > >
> > > > Bow-ting: Musical neck decoration.
> > > >
> > > > Braying: Chinese donkey.
> > > >
> > > > Buying: Chinese coustomer.
> > > >
> > > > Crying: Sobbing Chinese.
> > > >
> > > > Eying: Seeing Chinese.
> > > >
> > > > Flying: A Chinese in the air.
> > > >
> > > > Laping: Female French of Spanish bell.
> > > >
> > > > Leaping: Male French bell.
> > >
> > > Lee Ping: Chinese athlete.
> >
> > Lee Ping: Musical Korean athlete.
> >
> > Bare Lee: Naked Korean.
> >
> > Bear Lee: Ursine Korean.
> >
> > Char Lee: Barbecued Korean.
> >
> > Clear Lee: Transparent Korean.
> >
> > Dear Lee: Beloved Korean.
> >
> > Far Lee: Distant Korean.
> >
> > Near Lee: Close Korean.
> >
> > Port Lee: Fat Korean.
> >
> > Stern Lee: Korean in back.
> >
> They're not really like that. Here are two real Korean names:
>
> Jay Bong Kim
> Bum Suk Hong
>
> Both Korean trade representatives. They should keep you going for weeks!
Kimmit: Korean glove in Fallujah (There's a U.S. Army spokeman named
Kimmit
in that city).
Bumming: Korean Chinese vase.
Tim Bruening
Compass: One computer goes by another.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:408BD9D9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> >
> > > My dog does not like Cage.
> >
> > Composer: Electronic musical knight.
> >
> Does he Offenbach?
Women should Bee Wear of men who want to get them on their Bach!
Tim Bruening
"Keith E." wrote:
> Mon, 08 Mar 2004 01:13:15 -0800 was a day just like any other,
> until Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> >
> >
> >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> >> On Mon, 08 Mar 2004 02:40:38 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> >>>>>>>And sales of incontinence related products are up pygthurr.
> >> >>>>>>
> >> >>>>>>That's normal for atj. <g>
> >> >>>>>
> >> >>>>>Only pygthur visitors. The rest of us don't bother with that
> >> >>>>>junk.
> >> >>>>
> >> >>>>That's pretty obvious as soon as you walk in the door.
> >> >>>
> >> >>>You're green with envy.
> >> >>>
> >> >>>Well, that and some other shit.
> >> >>
> >> >>You do have to be very careful where you step in atj.
> >> >
> >> ><trips Larry>
> >>
> >> <Larry falls right into rec.humor>
> >
> >Tripping: Bell on a journey.
> >
> >Stripping: Nude bell.
>
> Temping: Bellweather.
Tempting: Musical thermometer.
Tim Bruening
MosZibby wrote:
> Douglas D. Anderson wrote:
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote
> >> Why is this thread so popular?
> >>
> >
> > Mos says it's a string anyway.
>
> Couple more hundred posts and it'll be a fucking rope.
Roping: Musical cord.
nemo
>
>
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> > On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 11:48:32 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Really, Laviana weighs 115 pounds, or 52.16 kg.
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> Not fair. I never weighed so little.
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> You were never a child?
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> That was so long ago I forgot.
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Barely twice mine.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> Let's talk again when you are my age.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>> It would be difficult for either of us to be quiet
> > >>>>> until then.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> One can still hope.
> > >>>
> > >>> I could go off on a silly tangent here, but nah.
> > >>
> > >> How would that be any different that what you normally do?
> > >
> > >This one would be controlled.
> >
> > Who gets to hold your remote control?
>
> Remote: To dig another circle around a castle and fill it with water.
>
Bill Bailey: The invoice for the area within the moat which the builder
brought home.
nemo
>
> Greg Evans wrote:
>
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> > [snipped "furry" stuff]
> >
> > > BTW, did you know if you joined three of them you get a discount?
> >
> > I never got farther than the intro page. All I could think of was the
>
> > amount of shedding hair involved, which pretty much put me off the
> whole
> > idea.
>
> Discount: To insult Dracula.
>
> Dismay: To insult the 5th month.
>
> Shedding: A place to store tool bells.
Tools' Teal: Very hard duck that makes good drill bits etc.
nemo
>
>
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> > On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 11:48:32 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Really, Laviana weighs 115 pounds, or 52.16 kg.
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> Not fair. I never weighed so little.
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> You were never a child?
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> That was so long ago I forgot.
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Barely twice mine.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> Let's talk again when you are my age.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>> It would be difficult for either of us to be quiet
> > >>>>> until then.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> One can still hope.
> > >>>
> > >>> I could go off on a silly tangent here, but nah.
> > >>
> > >> How would that be any different that what you normally do?
> > >
> > >This one would be controlled.
> >
> > Who gets to hold your remote control?
>
> Remote: To dig another circle around a castle and fill it with water.
Again already?
This was number one too!
nemo
>
>
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> > On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 11:48:32 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Really, Laviana weighs 115 pounds, or 52.16 kg.
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> Not fair. I never weighed so little.
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> You were never a child?
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> That was so long ago I forgot.
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Barely twice mine.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> Let's talk again when you are my age.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>> It would be difficult for either of us to be quiet
> > >>>>> until then.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> One can still hope.
> > >>>
> > >>> I could go off on a silly tangent here, but nah.
> > >>
> > >> How would that be any different that what you normally do?
> > >
> > >This one would be controlled.
> >
> > Who gets to hold your remote control?
>
> Remote: To dig another circle around a castle and fill it with water.
This is going to be one hell of a big castle at this rate!
nemo
>
>
> Mos wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > "Byron Collins" <bcol...@clarksville.com> wrote in message
> > > news:<nHIuc.4$wg2....@news.abs.net>...
> > >> Hello All,
> > >>
> > >> Are there any "Aesop's Fables" fans on this Ngroup?
> > >> I'm the one who converted these fables into Geos
> > >> and PalmReader EBook format.
> > >
> > > Yes, I liked those fables!
> > >
> > > Fable: Story telling male bovine.
> >
> > Fable: Male bovine, name of Fay.
> > Must be gay.
>
> A gable?
The devil has one of those but he finds it an imp-pediment.
nemo
>
>
> Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
>
> > I just went to a pun site made by a female, who, for obvious reasons, I
> > won't name. Everything there is pretty normal, but at the bottom of one
> > page is a button offering to show us her "Submission Form". I *didn't*
> > press on it because how she does that shouldn't be on the web and _I_
> > refuse to look at such an obscenity!
>
> Submission: A church for fish.
Aha! Saint Anthony's sermon again!
nemo
>
>
> Hauke Reddmann wrote:
>
> > I wanted to make some textil jokes, but they
> > are hardly satinsfying. In fact, they are
> > totally lamé.
>
> Textile: The writing on the walls and floors.
>
> Fabric: cloth walls.
Shmutter: Cloth grumbling.
nemo
>
>
> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
>
> > Did you hear about the couple who exchanged wedding vows while
. . . then the sea.
nemo
And consuming too much of the bootlegger's wares, David Niven!
nemo
"You can be rejuvinated!" Music to my years!
nemo
Be sharp now! Look where you're going!
CRASH!!! Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!
C?
nemo
> Compass: Electronic navagator.
>
> Compass: One computer goes by another.
Compass Rose: One computer goes by another in a small boat.
nemo
> Trifle: Little rifle.
Pistol: A drunken hand-gun.
nemo
Fahrenheit: Journeying along a road up a mountain.
nemo
Only one Bach between all those women?
He had lots of sons:
WF Bach, JGB Bach, JCF Bach, JC Bach, and CPE Bach,
. . and if he'd carried on, he might have sired CPU Bach and we'd have
got MIDI files sooner!
And a JCB Bach could have worked wonders for Germany's civil engineering in
those days.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Your number 1 favorite pun?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Big enough to hold everyone at Terri's funeral (probably on Easter!).
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Why David Niven?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Centigrade: A one penny thermometer.
D. Grade: Demon teacher.
Regrade: To rescore the test.
nemo
nemo
Lew Grade: Demon impresario.
> Regrade: To rescore the test.
Retread: To *very carefully* find your way back across a minefield! (^!^)
nemo
nemo
pissed as a newt! Over here, he had a reputation for it!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Bulking: King of the male bovines.
Discount: To insult Dracula.
DQU: A university for Native American demons/
nemo
trader, liar, thief, Freemason, Templar, Upper-Class-Twit of the Year . . .
etc., etc.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <gnSib.22779$SJ5....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:voje6ci...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> >> news:vecjov4r8et97gk0e...@4ax.com...
> >> > Hindu-Swiss cheese: Holey Cow!
> >>
> >> veggie burgers
> >>
> >(true)
> >A Swiss Cheese manufacturer once bought a number of ultrasonic concrete
> >testers from off of CNS Electronics to measure the average density/size of
> >holes in the cheese.
> >
> >This was handy, because they didn't have a scrap of ultrasonic concrete
> >about the place.
> >
> The trouble with that imported swiss cheese is that it is as hard as concrete
Follow the True Whey!
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
Cheesy: Ocean of dairy products.
Cowing: Flying bovine.
Emu: Internet cow.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
Obsenity: Tea that makes you swear.
nemo
nemo
nemo
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £3 - 18s - 11½d actually!
That's including V.A.T. Vear And Tear!
nemo
Where they worship cod?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42427376...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > > "ynotssor" <"ynotssor"> wrote in message
> > > news:3fae7...@corp.newsgroups.com...
> > > > "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
nemo
All the others are gratis. Is this 132?
nemo
He's another Niven and he was always drunk! I saw him talking to the press
once outside Thames TV Studios and he was having trouble remaining vertical!
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <gnSib.22779$SJ5....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:voje6ci...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> >> news:vecjov4r8et97gk0e...@4ax.com...
> >> > Hindu-Swiss cheese: Holey Cow!
> >>
> >> veggie burgers
> >>
> >(true)
> >A Swiss Cheese manufacturer once bought a number of ultrasonic concrete
> >testers from off of CNS Electronics to measure the average density/size of
> >holes in the cheese.
> >
> >This was handy, because they didn't have a scrap of ultrasonic concrete
> >about the place.
> >
> The trouble with that imported swiss cheese is that it is as hard as concrete
Cheesy: Ocean of dairy products.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
> I just went to a pun site made by a female, who, for obvious reasons, I
> won't name. Everything there is pretty normal, but at the bottom of one
> page is a button offering to show us her "Submission Form". I *didn't*
> press on it because how she does that shouldn't be on the web and _I_
> refuse to look at such an obscenity!
Obsenity: Tea that makes you swear.
Tim Bruening
nemo
How very emusing!
nemo
Was Fay Wray gay?
> A gable?
Or Clarke Gable?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <d31jb.8516$Ol.2...@read1.cgocable.net>, tnktk...@cogeco.ca,
> Kathy was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:6mlmov8gpaaqavblj...@4ax.com...
> >> On Sun, 12 Oct 2003 23:53:28 -0400, "Kathy" <tnktk...@cogeco.ca>
> >> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >
> >> >"Don Kirkman" <spamb...@covad.net> wrote in message
> >> >news:rctgovkcl39m7gete...@4ax.com...
> >> >> I really hate hiking on trails that don't have clear direction signs,"
> >> >> Tom remarked with antipathy.
> >> >> --
> >> >
> >> >"There is definitely a gap between one Russian emperor and the next,"
> >noted
> >> >Tom with sarcasm.
> >> >
> >> "I don't follow this ...." Tom trailed off.
> >
> >...make that czarcasm....
> >
> He divorced the misses. it was irriconcilable differences. "czar chasm"
Take a hike on an E-Road, M-Path, or N-Trail.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42426B4A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42427376...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > > "ynotssor" <"ynotssor"> wrote in message
> > > news:3fae7...@corp.newsgroups.com...
> > > > "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:424276C4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Keith E." wrote:
> >
> > > Mon, 08 Mar 2004 01:13:15 -0800 was a day just like any other,
> > > until Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > > >
> > > >> On Mon, 08 Mar 2004 02:40:38 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> >>>>>>>And sales of incontinence related products are up pygthurr.
> > > >> >>>>>>
> > > >> >>>>>>That's normal for atj. <g>
> > > >> >>>>>
> > > >> >>>>>Only pygthur visitors. The rest of us don't bother with that
> > > >> >>>>>junk.
> > > >> >>>>
> > > >> >>>>That's pretty obvious as soon as you walk in the door.
> > > >> >>>
> > > >> >>>You're green with envy.
> > > >> >>>
> > > >> >>>Well, that and some other shit.
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >>You do have to be very careful where you step in atj.
> > > >> >
> > > >> ><trips Larry>
> > > >>
> > > >> <Larry falls right into rec.humor>
> > > >
> > > >Tripping: Bell on a journey.
> > > >
> > > >Stripping: Nude bell.
> > >
> > > Temping: Bellweather.
> >
> > Tempting: Musical thermometer.
>
> Fahrenheit: Journeying along a road up a mountain.
Centigrade: A one penny thermometer.
D. Grade: Demon teacher.
Regrade: To rescore the test.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42426AC9...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 26 Apr 2004 11:48:32 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> > >
> > > >>>>>>>>>>> Really, Laviana weighs 115 pounds, or 52.16 kg.
> > > >>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>> Not fair. I never weighed so little.
> > > >>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>> You were never a child?
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> That was so long ago I forgot.
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>> Barely twice mine.
> > > >>>>>>
> > > >>>>>> Let's talk again when you are my age.
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>>> It would be difficult for either of us to be quiet
> > > >>>>> until then.
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> One can still hope.
> > > >>>
> > > >>> I could go off on a silly tangent here, but nah.
> > > >>
> > > >> How would that be any different that what you normally do?
> > > >
> > > >This one would be controlled.
> > >
> > > Who gets to hold your remote control?
> >
> > Remote: To dig another circle around a castle and fill it with water.
>
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42450550...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Not when posted in bulk. Do we get a discount?
Bulking: King of the male bovines.
Discount: To insult Dracula.
DQU: A university for Native American demons/
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <gnSib.22779$SJ5....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:voje6ci...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
Follow the True Whey!
Tim Bruening
Mos wrote:
> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > "Byron Collins" <bcol...@clarksville.com> wrote in message
> > news:<nHIuc.4$wg2....@news.abs.net>...
> >> Hello All,
> >>
> >> Are there any "Aesop's Fables" fans on this Ngroup?
> >> I'm the one who converted these fables into Geos
> >> and PalmReader EBook format.
> >
> > Yes, I liked those fables!
> >
> > Fable: Story telling male bovine.
>
> Fable: Male bovine, name of Fay.
> Must be gay.
A gable?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Nehmo Sergheyev wrote:
Submission: A church for fish.