Good Friday Puns
Tim Bruening
Harry Farkas wrote:
> Backhoe: prostitute specializing in anal sex
>
> Abhorrent: What Abe pays for sex
>
> Repentant: a sorrowful insect
>
> Harmony: as in "Harmony people are coming for Thanksgiving?"
Hoeing: Flying prostitute.
Hooker: Prostitute dog.
Hooking: Prostitute king.
Homing: Prostitute vase.
Tim Bruening
Schiavo. I believe that she may not be a vegetable after all, but
minimally conscious. She expresses happiness when her family visits,
and anger when they leave. She tries to talk to her mother, and laughs
with her. She turns her head to look at the sources of voices. She
experiences pain when she gets menstrual cramps. The nurses have to
give her ibuprofen to ease her distress.
On September 3, at 2:44 PM, a Doctor Hammesfahr had turned Terri onto
her right side and poked her in the back with a sharp piece of wood.
She responded with signs of discomfort. Well after the doctor withdrew
the wood and put Terri back on her back, he said to her parents "So,
we're going to have to roll her over.... She immediately cried :Ugh,
ha, ha, ha," pressed her eyebrows together, and grimaced sadly. She
appeared to comprehend the meaning of Dr. Hammesfahr's words and
signaled her anticipation of another poke in the back.
According to Attorney Barbara Weller (one of her parents' attorneys),
she got agitated when her parents and her parents' attorneys told her on
March 18 that the doctors were going to remove her feeding tube. Terri
began to cry and tried to say "I want to live." Weller (one of the
parents' Attorneys) said she had a difficult time calming Terri down.
I therefore believe that her case should be Resurrected and she should
be reconnected to a feeding tube.
This case should not be allowed to dry up, starve, and die.
Tim Bruening
Crescent: Penny on the Moon.
Decent: Nice penny.
Dissent: Rebel penny.
Peasent: Penny on a farm.
Tim Bruening
Crossing: Musical religious symbol.
Tim Bruening
Heaping: Pile of bells.
Helping: Hell's Bells.
Sleeping: Sex bells.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40F4BEC3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Betsy: An ocean casino.
> >
> > Casey: Suitcase ocean.
> >
> > Daisy: Flower ocean.
> >
> > Dicey: Die, ocean!
> >
> > Krypton: Heavy secret.
> >
> > Pepsi: A fizzy, uplifting sea.
> >
> > Peptide: The result of the moon pulling on the Pepsi.
>
> Polypeptide: The result of the moon pulling on a parrot.
>
> Polypeptide Chain: What it pulls the parrot with.
>
> A Nemo Acid.
Carbon Chain: Chain of pastries in an automobile.
Swimming Suit: Lawyer in water.
Swimming Suit: Legal action over a pool accident.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40C62AA8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Cliff Gieseke <clif...@swbell.net> wrote in message
> > > news:mTQwc.4607$bg6....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > > > Infantry -- baby tree
> > > >
> > > > Geometry -- the tree they used to build the pyramids
> > > >
> > > > Poultry -- the tree that has or had feathers
> > > >
> > > >
> > > Infantry - Baby soldiers.
> > >
> > > Adultry - What they get up to when they've grown up.
> > >
> > > Mechanised Light Infantry: Robot baby soldiers.
> >
> > I hope they don't suffer a Major Defeat, or General Disorder.
> >
> Or receive Corporal Punishment to the Private Parts!
Sergeant Pepper is nothing to be sneezed at.
Drill Sergeant: Officer in the tool army.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40C62B0B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40C56531...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Mos wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Cliff Gieseke wrote:
> > > > > > Infantry -- baby tree
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Geometry -- the tree they used to build the pyramids
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Poultry -- the tree that has or had feathers
> > > > >
> > > > > Poultry-- Flora in science fiction writer Mr. Anderson's yard.
> > > >
> > > > Piers: Boat dock in Mr. Anthony's yard.
> > > >
> > > Orn-inarliy, I wouldn't laugh at something like that, but this time I'll
> > > make an exception.
> > >
> > > (Gets tube of glue and takes box down off shelf. Label reads:
> Do-It-Yourself
> > > Exception Kit.)
> >
> > I'm sure you're Adept at this.
> >
> On a good day, absolute dexterity would be an accurate description.
>
> On a bad day when my hands are shaky, it's more like Absolut dexterity!
Leading to a Cluster of broken parts?
Tim Bruening
Sublight: Underwater cigarette lighter.
Sublight: A type of underwater beer.
Budlight: Beer from a young leaf or flower.
Budlight: Young leaf or flower that lights cigarettes.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote in message
> news:cd2q12$5fg$1...@rzsun03.rrz.uni-hamburg.de...
> > In alt.humor.puns nemo <ne...@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
> >
> > > Mary had a little Tim.
> > > They quickly passed a law
> > > 'Coz once they saw what he was like
> > > They didn't want any more!
> >
> > Must we tim-mourn now that he's
> > wolfing down a.h.p.?
> >
> Only after painting him with Tim-mournex Flame Retardent Coating - not that
> he needs it.
>
> Coating: A bell wearing a warm outer garment.
Gloating: A shining bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40B0A8F4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Advent: We need more ventilation.
> >
> > Advent: Insert angry rant.
> >
> > Adverse: Add a song.
> >
> > Adverse: Singing comercial.
> >
> > Convent: Against angry rants.
> >
> > Convent: A ranting criminal.
> >
> > Converse: Against singing.
> >
> > Contract: Against railroads.
> >
> > Enginuity: A locomotive driver's pension.
>
> The air-conditioing engineer is working overtime.
>
> Ven? Till late?
How chilling.
Chilling: Cold Chinese.
Heating: Hot Chinese.
Warming: Mildly hot Chinese vase.
Tim Bruening
"Greg Evans" <gregIGN...@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:<10bt419...@corp.supernews.com>...
> Mos wrote:
>
> > I did, but forgot to sign it.
> > Hope you can figure out it's from me.
>
> "If The E-mail Doesn't *Ding*, It's Me" ?
E-mail: Internet armor.
Eeker: Internet dog.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AC80D1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Marmoset wrote:
> >
> > > Hear about the physician who left work early?
> > >
> > > They docked her pay
> >
> > Curate: Price of medicine.
> >
> > Operate: Price of surgery.
> >
> > Surgery: Medical knight.
>
> Curate: Measure of the success of medical treatments
>
> Anaesthetic: A flea that only bites those who profess great sensitivity to
> the beauty of art and nature.
>
> Beta Blockers: Drugs that stop people hanging up their carpets in the back
> yard and walloping all the dust out of them.
Seerate: Price of a knight for sex.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AC831C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Typer: Price for neckwear.
> >
> > Typeface: Face with printing on it.
> >
> > Viper: Price of a snake.
> >
> > Wiper: Price of questions.
>
> Vindscreen Viper: Snake on the front of an East European's car.
>
> Guy with 50,000 fonts on his computer: Text Maniac!
Beeper: : Price of a bee.
Peeper: Price of a public toilet.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AC8E6B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Static: Electric tic.
> >
> > Dramatic: Tic in a play.
> >
> > Lunatic: Insane tic.
> >
> > Ticker: Dog parasite.
> >
> > Fleecing: Singing parasite.
>
> Tickertape: Recording of a dog parasite.
Asper: Price of a donkey.
Tim Bruening
What did the Lone Raspberry say when he went to drop off his garbage?
"To-de-dump, to-de-dump, to-de-dump-dump-dump-dump....."
Tim Bruening
Which chestnut invaded Britain?
William the Conker.
Conker: Against dogs.
Tim Bruening
Abduct: A kidnapped, Muslim waterfowl.
Leprechaun: A convention of people suffering from a loathsome disease.
Lepre-Cohen: A diminutive, magical, semi-religious Irish-Jew.
Motel: A car talks.
Pigmint: Mint left on the pillows in pig motels.
Tim Bruening
Hamper: Papa pig.
Hammock: Pig taunting.
Hamburg: A frozen pig floating in the ocean.
Smoking Gun: A cross between the NRA and the cigarette industry.
Vulcanization: The process whereby rubber grows pointed ears and starts
saying "Live long and prosper".:)
Tim Bruening
head-ding, and rear-ring.
Non-musical body part: No-sing.
Galloping: Fast moving bell.
Galloping: Musical opinion poll.
Hunting: Attila's bell.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> At the crucifiction, the guy next to Christ kept bragging on about the
fact
> that the Romans had used three times as many nails to pin him up as
they had
> used on Christ.
>
> In the end, Christ got fed up and said, "I really wish you'd drop this
> 'Holeyer than thou' attitude!' "
In other words, he got Cross!
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Fri, 6 Aug 2004 12:48:57 +0930, "Sheila Dundee"
> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >Jenni Saqua wrote:
> >> "Sheila Dundee" wrote ...
> >>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>> On Thu, 5 Aug 2004 10:00:49 +0930, "Sheila Dundee" found these
> >>>> unused words floating about:
> >>>>
> >>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>> On Wed, 4 Aug 2004 07:33:34 +0930, "Sheila Dundee" found these
> >>>>>> unused words floating about:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>>>> On Tue, 3 Aug 2004 18:32:50 +0930, "Sheila Dundee" found
these
> >>>>>>>> unused words floating about:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>>>>>>> On 1 Aug 2004 11:16:07 -0700, (artyw) found
> >>>>>>>>>> these unused
> >>>>>>>>>> words floating about:
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> Harry Marmoset wrote...
> >>>>>>>>>>>> What do you call a sexually immoral mushroom?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> A spore
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> They maybe im-morel, but they're fun guys to be around.
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> Just so long as they don't shed their caps ...
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Do they tip their caps at gills as they com-post?
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Not sure, but I do know they'll lead a horticulture life.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Did I tell ya that the toadstool stalking me? It's been weeks
> >>>>>>> now. :-(
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> You need to get out more, I heard that they don't do well in
the
> >>>>>> daylight, water you know?
> >>>>>
> >>>>> But he's pretty wild - not cultured at all.
> >>>>> I think I'd need to wear a veil.
> >>>>>
> >>>> He's nuthin' but truffle!
> >>>
> >>> Oh I know he's a pig but I do LIKE the way he truffles with my
> >>> affections.. and he pushes the right buttons!!
> >>>
> >>>
> >> Careful. We hear he's just rooting around for a woman with loose
> >> Morels!
> >
> > But he told me he digs me .. I'm a field good person to have around!
> > (But there isn't mushroom in my bed these days...)
> >
> Wallaby ! I knew you liked animals and would sporel them, but that's
> ridiculous!
Wallaby: Wall of buzzing insects.
Tim Bruening
Needing: I need a bell!
Weeding: We ring the bell!
Weeding: Unwanted plant bells.
Pleading: The bell begs for help.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On 14 Jan 2004 07:02:21 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found these unused
> words floating about:
>
> >"dustbird" <dust...@cross.wind> wrote in message news:<bu1aeg$j...@library1.airnews.net>...
> >> Professor Miller is the author of numerous papers on the social-sharing
> >> mechanisms and economic distribution systems of non-human species. One of
> >> his most intriguing studies was his observations of the gray squirrel (S.
> >> carolinensis) of the North American east and midwest (snip) quickly rejected by the Nobel Prize committee as being a plagiarism of an
> >> earlier famous work. The title of his paper was "To Halve and To Halve Nut."
> >
> >That's acorny title.
>
> "Walnuts" to you !
Walnut: Crazy support structure.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> news:5dp800h5p7gr53ach...@4ax.com...
> > On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 16:38:27 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 08:32:24 -0800
> > >"Jenni Saqua" <mara...@spamnetscape.net> wrote:
> > >
> > >> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > >> news:20040112174433.579c6d31.Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower...
> > >> > .
> > >> > "You want me to help you smoke your ganja?" Tom asked
> doobie-usly.
> > >> >
> > >> An old friend of mine from Dallas, named Noel, used to hang around
> > >> with Tom. I never figured out why they called him the grassy
> Noel...
> > >>
> > >I CIAin't alone in thinking that maybe a little
> > >character assassination
> > >is in order. I just hope it doesn't set a president.
> > >
> > ... or swelled some heads even more?
>
> These pot-shots are tasteless :-(
Who would want to shoot crockery anyway?
Dundee: The demon is cooked.
Bundy: Demon pastry.
Brandy: Demon Rum.
Tim Bruening
headdr wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4006422B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Happy HK Day, 222 days after D Day.
>
> Irving S. Cobb, humorist, was having some fun with Senator Hicks from Kansas
> who was visiting in New York. He asked him, "Do you know what we do with
> Hicks here in the big city?" The Senator replied, "No, but I know what we do
> with Cobbs in Kansas."
That's a-maizing.
Gracie: Ocean of God.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 17:04:34 GMT, "headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:1sd8005m68ds4i776...@4ax.com...
> >> On Mon, 12 Jan 2004 16:20:40 -0500, "Harry Farkas" <hfa...@wowway.com>
> >> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >I once had a dog named Ed. Ed and I were walking in a park one day and I
> >> >slipped on a ledge and fell into ravine. The sides of the ravine were
> >slick
> >> >clay and wet rock and, try as I might, I couldn't grapple my way out. Ed
> >> >paced back and forth, barking, but no help came.
> >> >
> >> >Ed saw my distress and started pulling the bark from nearby branches.
> >With
> >> >his paws and teeth, he wove the strands of back into a crude rope. Ed
> >> >lowered the rope into the ravine, holding one end firmly in his jaws as I
> >> >grabbed the other. He then pulled with all his might till I scrambled to
> >the
> >> >top of the ledge. I want to tell you, I might not be here today to tell
> >this
> >> >story if it weren't for dog Ed determination.
> >>
> >> That's about the sisal it.
> >>
> >Ed's bark was as good as his bite.
> >
> Did Ed bark "Greig things"?
Barking: King who got drunk and went to the dogs.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 17:06:32 GMT, "headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:7kc80059f6dlomki1...@4ax.com...
> >> On Mon, 12 Jan 2004 13:09:37 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> >> <mara...@spamnetscape.net> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >"Harry Farkas" wrote ...
> >> >> Asterisk: A case of beer, a bowl of beans, and a Zippo lighter.
> >> >> --
> >> >I nominate the above for the Hall of Flame!
> >> >(holey smokes, whatta crack up~!!)
> >> >
> >> I'll give it a try in the flat you lent me.
> >>
> >This too shall pass.
> >
> Why? Did you rent yours out?
Renting: To lease a bell.
Tim Bruening
"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:
> On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 11:09:50 -0800
> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
>
> > On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 22:20:34 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 09:53:19 -0800
> > >J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > >
> > >> On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 02:02:01 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > >> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
> > >about:>
> > >> >On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 10:55:18 -0800
> > >> >"Jenni Saqua" <mara...@spamnetscape.net> wrote:
> > >> >
> > >> >> When the weather is this cold, miserable, drippy gray I get
> > >pretty> >> unbearable to be around. Must be time to cybernate.
> > >> >>
> > >> >Hey, I've got nothing against Nate!
> > >> >
> > >> Good, then you'll be going back to Nate's Tour?
> > >>
> > >Yes, and they'll call, "Nate, your lover's here!"
> > >
> > So, you intend to be Nate's "yer all"? What whill Sheila do?
> >
> I feel sure that she will bare it well.
Bearring: Musical ursine.
Bloody: Demon circulatory fluid.
Circulatory: British Conservatives spinning around.
Needy: Demon body part in the middle of the leg.
Needy: Demon on welfare.
Tim Bruening
Sheila Dundee wrote:
> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> news:t4pd009t9pi8036ln...@4ax.com...
> > On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 23:35:22 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >
> > >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > >news:8e0b005psv6p2sjq9...@4ax.com...
> > >> On 14 Jan 2004 07:02:21 -0800, art...@yahoo.com (artyw) found these
> > >unused
> > >> words floating about:
> > >>
> > >> >"dustbird" <dust...@cross.wind> wrote in message
> > >news:<bu1aeg$j...@library1.airnews.net>...
> > >> >> Professor Miller is the author of numerous papers on the
> > >social-sharing
> > >> >> mechanisms and economic distribution systems of non-human
> species.
> > >One of
> > >> >> his most intriguing studies was his observations of the gray
> > >squirrel (S.
> > >> >> carolinensis) of the North American east and midwest (snip)
> quickly
> > >rejected by the Nobel Prize committee as being a plagiarism of an
> > >> >> earlier famous work. The title of his paper was "To Halve and To
> > >Halve Nut."
> > >> >
> > >> >That's acorny title.
> > >>
> > >> "Walnuts" to you !
> > >
> > >You chew crack me up!!
> > >
> > Yeah, I'd heard other than soldiering on, you've also bceome a
> nutcracker.
> > Shy <cough> ski bum too, perhaps?
>
> You can telemarks my posts and that he's piste off that rich moguls like
> my carves! :-(
Moguls: More sea birds!
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 21:51:14 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 11:09:50 -0800
> >J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >
> >> On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 22:20:34 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 09:53:19 -0800
> >> >J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >> On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 02:02:01 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >> >> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
> >> >about:>
> >> >> >On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 10:55:18 -0800
> >> >> >"Jenni Saqua" <mara...@spamnetscape.net> wrote:
> >> >> >
> >> >> >> When the weather is this cold, miserable, drippy gray I get
> >> >pretty> >> unbearable to be around. Must be time to cybernate.
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >Hey, I've got nothing against Nate!
> >> >> >
> >> >> Good, then you'll be going back to Nate's Tour?
> >> >>
> >> >Yes, and they'll call, "Nate, your lover's here!"
> >> >
> >> So, you intend to be Nate's "yer all"? What whill Sheila do?
> >>
> >I feel sure that she will bare it well.
> >
> That'll be a teat for each of us.
Growl Ling: Chinese ursine.
Howl Ling: Chinese wolf or coyote.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Fri, 16 Jan 2004 08:32:23 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:p0qd00l95fo2hflj9...@4ax.com...
> >> On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 23:40:12 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >
> >> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> >news:5dp800h5p7gr53ach...@4ax.com...
> >> >> On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 16:38:27 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> >> >> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
> >about:
> >> >>
> >> >> >On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 08:32:24 -0800
> >> >> >"Jenni Saqua" <mara...@spamnetscape.net> wrote:
> >> >> >
> >> >> >> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> >> >> >> news:20040112174433.579c6d31.Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower...
> >> >> >> > .
> >> >> >> > "You want me to help you smoke your ganja?" Tom asked
> >> >doobie-usly.
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> An old friend of mine from Dallas, named Noel, used to hang
> >around
> >> >> >> with Tom. I never figured out why they called him the grassy
> >> >Noel...
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >I CIAin't alone in thinking that maybe a little
> >> >> >character assassination
> >> >> >is in order. I just hope it doesn't set a president.
> >> >> >
> >> >> ... or swelled some heads even more?
> >> >
> >> > These pot-shots are tasteless :-(
> >> >
> >> AWww, yer just a Brady cat!
> >
> > You should be fired for making a hash of that post!
> >
> Don't Lecter me - one would think you prefer 'round meat!
Hannible: Male bovine that bites the hand that feeds it.
Lector: Mountain top that eats other mountain tops.
Topping: Leading bell.
Leading: Top bell.
Tim Bruening
"nemo" <ne...@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
news:<b6rWc.270952$a8.1...@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk>...> news:4129B646...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > mike wheeEler wrote:
> >
> > > In article <voru107...@corp.supernews.com>, mba...@ev1.net,
Michael
> > > Balarama was looking at the world oddly when:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >"nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > >news:hOjjb.40287$SJ5....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >>
> > > >> Dragon <drag...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > > >> news:bmhuc0$neb$1...@titan.btinternet.com...
> > > >> > Mix some Plaster of Paris with your hair gel.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > You will get a hold that will last all day.
> > > >> > -
> > > >> > And all night
> > > >> > -
> > > >> > and all week.
> > > >
> > > >First we were plastered in Paris,
> > > >/ Then we were frying in Greece.
> > > >and it held all day.
> > > >
> > > And all night he was gettin' Ibizia with his chic..
> >
> > Tipping: Musical money given to waitresses and waiters.
>
> Tippex: Typing Correction Fluid that developes your two major chest
muscles.
>
> Typing: The sound you get at the end of a line.
>
> Absolut Vodka: Spirit that develops your stomach muscles.
Plaster: A spinning construction substance.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AC959F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 17:06:37 GMT, "J H Lowy"
<jhl...@optonline.net>
> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >"nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > >news:GNkbb.93597$B%2.8...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >>
> > > >> Nick Bell <nicand_n...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > >> news:vmpbibb...@corp.supernews.com...
> > > >> >
> > > >> >
> > > >> > There are the descendants of French people in Northern
Ireland.
> They are
> > > >> called Ulster Onionists.
> > > >> >
> > > >> And they speak Garlic??
> > > >>
> > > >> It's the ones in Belgium who cause all the trouble. Slightest
bit of
> > > >> contraversy and the Walloons go up!
> > > >>
> > > >Ouch! Born in Antwerp and never went back.
> > > >
> > > Is Antwerp the next worm hole in the Spacewerp?
> >
> > Antwerp: A social insect going faster than light?
>
> Anne Twerp: A particularly stupid and contemptible young lady.
>
> Contemptible: A despised male cow.
Contemptible: A criminal waving a red cloth in front of a male bovine.
Tim Bruening
"nemo" <ne...@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Nehmo Sergheyev <neh...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > > news:ujCzb.93701$Vu6....@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
> > > > Q. What's the favorite bird on the Ohio Interstate Highway
System?
> > > > A. Duck.
> > > >
> > > > Q. What's the favorite swear word on the Ohio Interstate Highway
> System?
> > > > A. Shoot.
> > > >
> > > > Q. What's the favorite car on the Ohio Interstate Highway
System?
> > > > A. The Dodge.
> > > >
> > > > Q. What's the favorite way to order a drink on the Ohio
Interstate
> > > > Highway System?
> > > > A. By the shot.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > Q. What are the favorite walking sticks used by dancers on the
Ohio
> > > Interstate Highway System?
> > > A. Ballet Sticks!
> >
> > Do dancers cast ballets in the voting booth?
>
> Nope, but choreographers might.
>
> Guy who monitors the amount of germicidal gas in drinking water:
> Chloreographer.
Germinator: Arnold becomes a gardener, a doctor, or a germ warfare
specialist.
Perminator: Arnold goes into skin care.
Solarnator: Arnold supports the CA-EPA Million Solar Roofs initiative.
Tim Bruening
Bemaster: Queen bee.
Bemazed: Bee in a labyrinth.
Bemire: Bees stuck in mud, becoming Bemudded.
Bemist: Same as Befog.
Tim Bruening
Typing: Thai bell.
Typing: Bells knotted together.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F552CB2...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > D. Capitated: A headless demon.
> >
> > D. Mented: A demon that loves to drive others crazy
> >
> > D. Vorak: A musical demon
> >
> > D. Lirious: A dizzy demon
> >
> > D. Cent: A nice, one penny demon.
>
> D. Plomer: A well qualified person.
D. VD: A demon recording device.
Tim Bruening
Typing: Bell race finishes in a photo finish.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Foreman: In favor of humanity.
Conman: Against humanity.
Tim Bruening
ur_droll wrote:
> "Wild Bill" <w...@utb.com> wrote in message
> news:hn1m80193blh75jdc...@4ax.com...
> : On Sun, 25 Apr 2004 12:25:41 +1200, "ur_droll" <who....@fuck.co>
> : wrote:
> :
> : >
> : >"Wild Bill" <w...@utb.com> wrote in message
> : >news:m4tl8011pdciih077...@4ax.com...
> : >: On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 15:37:34 -0700, Tim Bruening
> : >: <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> : >:
> : >: >
> : >: >
> : >: >Wild Bill wrote:
> : >: >
> : >: >> On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 15:08:20 -0700, Tim Bruening
> : >: >> <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> : >: >>
> : >: >> >Who is he?????????
> : >: >>
> : >: >> ME! Now fuck off.
> : >: >
> : >: >Why are you the greatest man ever? What have you accomplished
in
> life?
> : >:
> : >: I got all usenet doing my bidding...
> : >
> : >
> : >What?......... Everyone?....... Just how many people does it take
> : >to help you find yer balls?
> : >
> : The fact you have my balls on your mind is noted.
>
> Fuck off 'lamely'....... you already been "spanked" here.
> No coming back for seconds with a different dress on.
Lame Lee: A limping Korean.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Eradicating: To eliminate the bells.
Evoking: To bring out kingly qualities.
Fashionable: Male bovine in stylish clothes.
Tim Bruening
Harry Farkas wrote:
> Backhoe: prostitute specializing in anal sex
>
> Abhorrent: What Abe pays for sex
>
> Repentant: a sorrowful insect
>
> Harmony: as in "Harmony people are coming for Thanksgiving?"
Hoeing: Flying prostitute.
Hooker: Prostitute dog.
Hooking: Prostitute king.
Homing: Prostitute vase.
Tim Bruening
Crescent: Penny on the Moon.
Decent: Nice penny.
Dissent: Rebel penny.
Peasent: Penny on a farm.
Tim Bruening
Musical body parts: Ear-ring, finger-ring, foot-ting, hand-ding,
head-ding, and rear-ring.
Non-musical body part: No-sing.
Galloping: Fast moving bell.
Galloping: Musical opinion poll.
Hunting: Attila's bell.
Tim Bruening
Hamper: Papa pig.
Hammock: Pig taunting.
Hamburg: A frozen pig floating in the ocean.
Smoking Gun: A cross between the NRA and the cigarette industry.
Vulcanization: The process whereby rubber grows pointed ears and starts
saying "Live long and prosper".:)
nemo
Memo: This is Nemo!
nemo
He'd have caused a lot less mayhem if he'd been Attila of the soil.
Memo: This is Nemo!
nemo
>
> Hamper: Papa pig.
>
> Hammock: Pig taunting.
>
> Hamburg: A frozen pig floating in the ocean.
>
> Smoking Gun: A cross between the NRA and the cigarette industry.
Whom together are responsible for the majority of un-natural
deaths in the US.
>
> Vulcanization: The process whereby rubber grows pointed ears and starts
> saying "Live long and prosper".:)
>
Not-so-loud sound of something travelling at high speed towards Spock's
betrothal ceremony: Half Voom!
Memo: This is Nemo!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Hamper: Papa pig.
Hammock: Pig taunting.
Hamburg: A frozen pig floating in the ocean.
Smoking Gun: A cross between the NRA and the cigarette industry.
Vulcanization: The process whereby rubber grows pointed ears and starts
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42353473...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:412FD354...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Napping: Sleeping bell.
> > > >
> > > > Piping: Smoking or musical bell.
> > > >
> > > > Slapping: Hitting bell.
> > > >
> > > > Sloping: Mountainous bell.
> > > >
> > > > Slopping: Messy bell.
> > > >
> > > > Stopping: Bell that won't move.
> > > >
> > > > Strapping: Corporal punishment bell.
> > > >
> > > > Striping: Bell with bands of color.
> > > >
> > > > Striking: Bell that won't work.
> > > >
> > > > Tapping: Bell that touches your shoulders.
> > >
> > > <oyster alert!>
> > > We have an independent arbitrator over here to try to solve
strikes.
> > It's
> > > called ACAS. Trouble is: It's always in a temper!
> >
> > How Yarrowing!
>
> Yarrowing: Flying ubiquitous strong-scented mat-forming Eurasian herb
of
> wasteland, hedgerow or pasture having narrow serrate leaves and small
> usually white florets; widely naturalized in North America?
>
> See? It just flew pasture!
> >
> (Cass: Yiddish for temper - e.g., Vu-zhe zein in cass - why be in a
temper,
> unhappy, from Yiddl Mitn Fiddl.)
>
> Arbitator: Someone who's committed trees-son hiding up one.
Arbitator: Potato that resolves conflicts.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42353623...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Concave: Against spelunking.
> >
> > Content: Against camping.
> >
> > Contrail: Against hiking.
> >
> > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
> >
> > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
>
> Spy Connor Head: One of his secret agents and how Musso ended up
backwards
> >
> > Protect: Favoring innovation.
Protector: Mountain peak on guard.
Tim Bruening
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42297485...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:42282EE7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > Attesting: One trial bell.
> > > >
> > > > Besting: Highest quality bell.
> > > >
> > > > Cooperating: Allied bells.
> > > >
> > > > Cresting: Surfing bell.
> > > >
> > > > Cresting: Mountain bell.
> > > >
> > > > Intruding: Invasion bell.
> > > >
> > > > Operating: Medical bell.
> > > >
> > > > Treating: Halloween bell.
> > > >
> > > Tricking: Three male monarchs.
> >
> > Forking: 4 male monarchs.
> >
> > Decking: 10 male monarchs.
> >
> Forking: 4 monarchs bonking/boinking.
Forcing: In favor of songs.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AA9A50...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40307040...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Censor: Knight who enforces political correctness.
> > >
> > > Advisor: Knight getting a new faceplate for his helm.
> > >
> > > Cursor: Knight who looks after the kennels.
> > >
> > > Extensor: Used to be ten muscular knights.
> > >
> > > Flexor: Knight who keeps tripping over electrical cables.
> > >
> > > Lessor: Shrinking Knight.
> >
> > Blesser: A priest knight.
>
> Circumspect: Knight who splashes it all over his partner and the bed!
>
> Circumvent: What he was aiming at!
>
> Surreal: Knight who goes fishing.
>
> Circuit: Do It Yourself Knight.
>
> Circumflex: Knight whose semen squirts back over his shoulder.
>
> Circulator: Knight whose temperature, after excercise, takes a long
time to
> come down.
>
> Circumgyre: Knight whose semen squirts all over his shield which is
> decorated with triangular forms all having one of their angles at the
fess
> point and the opposite aide at the edge of the escutcheon.
>
> Clue: When asked, he said, it's that guy Ronnie who painted it for me.
>
> Circumscissile: How a gay knight walks towards one.
>
> Circus: Knight who's always swearing.
Forcers: Four knights.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Just been mentioned on the telly:
>
> The man who founded the Durex contraceptive company was called Thomas
> Handcock!!!
>
> Would have been better if he'd been called John Thomas Handcock butt
you
> c*n't have everything!
Condon: Against Mafia leaders.
Tim Bruening
Hauke Reddmann wrote:
> startum <sta...@mail.anonymizer.com> wrote:
> > Two Finns looked up at the clear night sky, which was strewn with
myriads
> > of bright stars.
> > One said: "The cosmos is so huge! I feel as if I am just an
miniscule
> > speck drifting in this panorama of hundreds of billions of
galaxies,"
> > The other said: "You do? I don't! I know I am in Finn night!"
>
> Night? Night? At night I usually sleep. (Thus "Mickey Finn".)
Mickey: Irish Key.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Wed, 19 May 2004 14:45:09 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> found these
unused
> words floating about:
>
> >J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> On Tue, 18 May 2004 12:17:48 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> found
these
> >> unused words floating about:
> >>
> >>> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >>>>> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >>>>> news:40A93E6D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >>>>>> The man rode on the horse, and yet he walked beside it. How
can
> >>>>>> this statement be true?
> >>>>>
> >>>> What does the leader of the Catholic Church, a domesticated
feline
> >>>> and part of a flower have in common?
> >>>
> >>> Letters of the alphabet are used to name them.
> >>>
> >> Sea'son yore! (da nada)
> >
> >Donkey shit.
> >
> Thanks for the ID, knew I'd find an expert.
ID: Internet Demon.
Impudent: Risky teeth.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Dr Tormento <re...@togroup.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns94F04A9D51A...@199.184.165.239...
> > "Chris Trask" <chris...@earthlink.net> wrote in
> > news:0mbrc.3894$be....@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net:
> >
> > > If a crab is seen carrying a bible, is he considered to be a
Reborn
> > > Crustacean?
> >
> > Does he own a shell corporation?
>
> Yes. He's got a fat belly!
Belly: Korean Ding Dong!
Tim Bruening
> After putting 6ft of good, rich, mineral-based soil on his land, a
farmer
> got awarded a Deep Loamer.
Loamer: Ocean of fertile soil.
Loaming: Vase of rich soil.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41C662AD...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Abbey Normal wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41C4E98E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Bob Crowley wrote:
> > > >
> > > >> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > >> news:<40DEC5AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > >> > Concave: Against spelunking.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Content: Against camping.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Contrail: Against hiking.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Protect: Favoring innovation.
> > > >>
> > > >> bipartisan - artist with hair parted in the middle
> > > >>
> > > >> bicycle - use twice only
> > > >>
> > > >> bipolar - compass with north and south
> > > >>
> > > >> binary - 2 canaries
> > > >>
> > > >> bimetallic - very heavy metal band
> > > >
> > > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
> > >
> > > Everyone has their own idea of what a little trim is.
> >
> > Trimming: A cut Chinese vase.
> >
> Narr. It's a Chinese pudding bason that bad barbours put on customers'
heads
> and cut round to get an even edge instead of doing a proper short
bacon
> sides..
Trimmer: Ocean of Christmas decorations.
Trimming: Chinese vase containing same.
Tim Bruening
Totality: All the tea.
Tuba: To sound like a sheep.
Unity: Tea that brings people together.
Utility: Tea that supplies water, gas, and electricity.
Tim Bruening
Tactic: Tick good at military strategy.
Tactile: Pointy floor coverings.
Tactility: Tea that gives one good manners.
Tactful: Full of sharp pointy objects.
Topic: The number 1 selection.
Tim Bruening
Picot: 3.1415926 beds.
Pilot: Lots of 3.1415926.
Pointy: Tea that makes one sharp.
Quality: Very good tea.
Quixotic: Tick that tilts at windmills.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Nemo
>
> Musical body parts: Ear-ring, finger-ring, foot-ting, hand-ding,
> head-ding, and rear-ring.
>
> Non-musical body part: No-sing.
Funny body part, until you fall arse over head and fracture it: Humerus.
> Galloping: Fast moving bell.
On an old horse-drawn firing gin?
>
> Galloping: Musical opinion poll.
>
> Hunting: Attila's bell.
Vicious bap: Attila the Bun!
(Monty Python)
Nemo
Homeopathic: What an infected bloke tells the pox doctor when he's got more
than he bargained for at the brothel!
Nemo
Good Friday Pun?
OK. In the Highly Steamed Goon Show - Henry in charge of a big foundry: Hot
Boss Crunn!
Tim Bruening
Musical body parts: Ear-ring, finger-ring, foot-ting, hand-ding,
head-ding, and rear-ring.
Non-musical body part: No-sing.
Galloping: Fast moving bell.
TSB
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >
> > Crescent: Penny on the Moon.
> >
> > Decent: Nice penny.
> >
> > Dissent: Rebel penny.
> >
> > Peasent: Penny on a farm.
> >
> Country drink that makes your eyes look strange: Peep Odd Gin!
Beware of Fem Ale, Demon Rum, and Boot Rear!
Happy Good Friday!
TB
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:443F476A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Crescent: Penny on the Moon.
> >
> > Decent: Nice penny.
> >
> > Dissent: Rebel penny.
> >
> > Peasent: Penny on a farm.
> >
> Country drink that makes your eyes look strange: Peep Odd Gin!