Spooky Puns from Stan Kegel
Bob C.
See you next period. (By Richard Lederer)
What do you get if you cross a mad scientist with another mad scientist?
A horrible par a dox (By Gary Hallock)
What do you call a merry-go-round for ghosts?
A Scare-ousel (By Stan Kegel)
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path. (From Gr8 Humor)
What do you call a panty raid on a coven?
An embarrassment of witches.. (By Richard Lederer and P. C.
Swanson)
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What do you call your girl-friend if she becomes a deer whenever there
is a full moon?
A Were-doe (By Stan Kegel)
What do you call a middle eastern exotic dancing mummy?
A gauza stripper (By Gary Hallock)
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on. (From C C Jokes)
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer. (By Clynch Varnadore)
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves... (By Jackie Holle)
What did the momma ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the
street?
Buckle your sheet belt .(From Ernie)
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with. ( By Trinitty)
What happens when you fail to pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed (By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson).
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein. (By Clynch Varnadore)
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with... (By Jackie
Holle)
What Is the obvious phrase for donating your body to a medical school?
A Dead Give-away (By Stan Kegel)
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist. ( By Trinitty)
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to. (By Jeff P. Symonds)
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror. (From C C Jokes)
What was the werewolf's first name?
Harry (By Gary Hallock)
What's a broom?
Witch craft. (By Lars Hanson)
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.(By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line. ( By Trinitty)
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch. (From C C Jokes)
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch. (From C C Jokes)
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a. ( By Trinitty)
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
An amoeboo! (By Jeff P. Symonds)
Who is the witches favorite singer?
Robert Ghoulet (By Stan Kegel)
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a. ( By Trinitty)
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans. ( By Trinitty)
Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes ( By Trinitty)
Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones. ( By Trinitty)
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart ( By Trinitty)
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo (By Randall Woodman)
Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie, off course. (By Norman Gilbert)
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray. (By Clynch Varnadore)
Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In a blood bank. (From C C Jokes)
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building. ( By Trinitty)
"What do you call an empty hot dog?"
"A hollow weenie." (By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson).
How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels (By Jeff P. Symonds).
Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend. (By Richard Lederer
and P.
C. Swanson).
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.. (By Jackie Holle).
What are a vampire's favorite snacks?
Adam's apples and nectarines (Bunch o'jokes Club) .
Why can't the boy ghost have babies?
Because he has a Hallo-weenie. ( By Trinitty)
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights. (From C C Jokes)
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet (By Jeff P. Symonds)
What kind of car do the German scientist drive who clone sheep?
Vee Double Ewe (By Gary Hallock)
If the devil lost his tail, where could he find a new one?
At a store where they retail spirits (By Stan Kegel) .
Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
"Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares." (From C C Jokes)
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin! (By Clynch Varnadore)
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life. ( By Trinitty)
Where do corpses eat lunch?
At the cadaver-teria (By Cynthia MacGregor)
What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his
back?
"You're under a vest!" (From C C Jokes)
How do canine scavengers in Africa find their way in the dark?
They use jackal lanterns. (By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern
by it's diameter?
Pumpkin Pi. (By Norman Gilbert)
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures. ( By Trinitty)
How did the ghost repair his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein... (By Jackie Holle)
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch. (By Bunch o'Jokes Club:)
What's soft, moldy and flies?
A spoiled bat. (From C C Jokes)
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo. ( By Trinitty)
After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get back
from
the drugstore?
Prints of darkness (By Gary Hallock)
Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank (By Jeff P. Symonds)
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates. ( By Trinitty)
Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat. (From C C Jokes)
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on
Halloween?
Ghoul-aid ( By Trinitty)
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone.. (By Jackie Holle).
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin (By Gary Hallock)
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends... (By Jackie Holle)
What gormet meal was made from Bela Lugosi's cremated remains?
Hungarian Ghoul Ash? (By Gary Hallock)
What should you say when you meet a ghost?
"How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?" (From C C Jokes)
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license. ( By Trinitty)
How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away her "W".(Bunch O‚ Jokes Club)
What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
They boo-kle their seatbelts (By Clynch Varnadore)
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
A lab. (By Lars Hanson)
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath... (By Jackie Holle)
After watching an undertaker, how might you describe someone's death?
As a fit of coffin. (By Lars Hanson)
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream. ( By Trinitty)
Do witches stay home on weekends?
No. They go away for a spell. (From Bunch o'Jokes Club) :
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane.. (By Jackie Holle).
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke:?
She witch-hiked. (From MAL)
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation... (By Jackie Holle)
What do you call a little monsters parents?
Mummy and deady ( By Trinitty)
Where do ghosts go shopping?
In Boo-tiques. (From C C Jokes)
What is Transylvania?
Dracula's terror-tory (By Jeff P. Symonds)
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat?
A washin' werewolf (By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
Whom did the zombie invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up. (From C C Jokes)
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE. ( By Trinitty)
How do mummies hide?
They wear masking tape. (From Bunch o'Jokes Club)
What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet. (By Clynch Varnadore)
What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds... (By Jackie Holle)
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich... (By Jackie Holle)
How do Halloween spooks learn to be so scary?
They attend ghost graduate school. (By Richard Lederer and P.C.
Swanson)
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes. ( By Trinitty)
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle! (By Norman Gilbert)
What kind of vehicle does Satan drive?
A Cadillac Devil (By Gary Hallock)
Why is the witch like a candle?
They are both wicked. (From C C Jokes)
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin! (By Clynch Varnadore)
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite! (From Placebo Page)
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem. ( By Trinitty)
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball... (By Jackie Holle)
What kind of vehicle does God drive?
Jesus Chrysler (By Gary Hallock)
When you die and come back as a hillbilly, what's it called?
Re-Intarnation (By Gary Hallock)
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend (By Clynch Varnadore)
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club. ( By Trinitty)
What computer software would a witch need to use if she wants to place
a hex on a taxicab?
A spell checker (By Gary Hallock)
What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Ghost-Toasties (By Gary Hallock)
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos. ( By Trinitty)
What is a ghost's favorite ice cream flavor?
Boo-berry. (By Lars Hanson)
What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A Boo-logna sandwich. (By Jeff P. Symonds)
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray (By Clynch Varnadore)
--
by: Stan Kegel
Buffalo Chilkat
<snip>
What do you call a bunch of bad Halloween puns? A pile of booshit. ;-)
>What did the vampire say to the English teacher
> See you next period. (By Richard Lederer)
<snip>
b. chilkat