Any life here?

[William B. (Billby)]

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

[Mike]

On Sep 25, 2021, William B. (Billby) wrote
(in article<E8udnW78CeuSRNL8...@westnet.com.au>):

>
> What do you call an alligator in a vest?
>
> An investigator

I did a check and we are not caiman to the same conclusion

Michael LeVine
mle...@redshift.com

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

[William B. (Billby)]

On 26/09/2021 5:23 PM, Mike wrote:
> On Sep 25, 2021, William B. (Billby) wrote
> (in article<E8udnW78CeuSRNL8...@westnet.com.au>):
>
>>
>> What do you call an alligator in a vest?
>>
>> An investigator
>
> I did a check and we are not caiman to the same conclusion
>

I'll just have to bag it then.

[Mike]

On Sep 26, 2021, William B. (Billby) wrote
(in article<r66dndhW6e1gyc38...@westnet.com.au>):

That could make you subject to reticule. Perhaps you just need to get a grip
on your self.

[Mike]

On Sep 1, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<5dec3fb7-1d13-40a2...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > > What do you call an alligator in a vest?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > An investigator I did a check and we are not caiman to the same conclusion
> > > > > I'll just have to bag it then.
> > > > That could make you subject to reticule. Perhaps you just need to get a
> > > > grip
> > > > on your self.

> > > What do you call someone that makes allegations? They're an alligator.
> > That joke about "get a hold of yourself" reminds me of another joke:
> > a guy goes to the doctor, he complains that he doesn't have enough energy
> > to have sex with his wife .
> > so the doctor says "well do you perform sex outside of the marriage ?"
> > and he says "Yes ."
> > well tell me about it .
> > so the guy says "I do it with the downstairs maid three times a week."
> > the doctor said "well,that's not too much."
> > then he said "I do it with the upstairs maid three times a week".
> > The doctor said "3+3 is six, that's getting to be pretty much ."
> > then he says , "I do it with the cook three times a week."
> > and the doctor says "well three and three and three is nine , my god ,
> > that's just too much sir ,you've got to get a hold of yourself !!!!!"
> > and he says "I do , three times a week."
> >
> > No applause , save it for the end.
> > I'm sorry there wasn't a pun there , I just wasn't in a punny mood today.
> >
> > Does anyone know if Gary Hallock still alive, he owes me for several copies
> > of "Pun Intended"
>
> Mrs. Smith had a maid named Mabel , and Mabel
> asked Mrs. Smith "Can my boyfriend Leroy come visit us for a few days , he's
> got some time off from the army?" Mrs. Smith says "why of course he can come
> visit us Mabel ; how long is your boyfriend's furlough?" Mabel thought and
> thought and thought , and finally said "His furlough is just as long as Mr.
> Smith's furlough, but it's a lot thicker.”
Your dementia is acting up again --- you are repeating yourself more and
more.

[Mike]

On Sep 2, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<bdbf99c2-7cf4-427f...@googlegroups.com>):

> > >
> > > Mrs. Smith had a maid named Mabel , and Mabel
> > > asked Mrs. Smith "Can my boyfriend Leroy come visit us for a few days ,
> > > he's
> > > got some time off from the army?" Mrs. Smith says "why of course he can
> > > come
> > > visit us Mabel ; how long is your boyfriend's furlough?" Mabel thought and
> > > thought and thought , and finally said "His furlough is just as long as Mr.
> > > Smith's furlough, but it's a lot thicker.”
> > Your dementia is acting up again --- you are repeating yourself more and

> > more. It's just as funny the 10,000th time as the first time.

So you told me 9,999 times.

[Mike]

On Sep 2, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<85ed7052-95a5-4b61...@googlegroups.com>):

> On Saturday, September 2, 2023 at 8:39:30 AM UTC-5, Don Stockbauer wrote:

> > It's just as funny the 10,000th time as the first time.
>

> hey mike, here's a new fresh joke!

>
> Mrs. Smith had a maid named Mabel , and Mabel
> asked Mrs. Smith "Can my boyfriend Leroy come visit us for a few days , he's
> got some time off from the army?" Mrs. Smith says "why of course he can come
> visit us Mabel ; how long is your boyfriend's furlough?" Mabel thought and
> thought and thought , and finally said "His furlough is just as long as Mr.
> Smith's furlough, but it's a lot thicker.”
>

> The only trouble is, it's a little bit racist and nowadays if you're racist,
> they come and decapitate you.

You are lifting your sighted to some pretty heady territory..

[Mike]

On Sep 3, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<a1685ae9-620f-457c...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > >
> > > > > > Mrs. Smith had a maid named Mabel , and Mabel
> > > > > > asked Mrs. Smith "Can my boyfriend Leroy come visit us for a few days ,
> > > > > > he's
> > > > > > got some time off from the army?" Mrs. Smith says "why of course he can
> > > > > > come
> > > > > > visit us Mabel ; how long is your boyfriend's furlough?" Mabel thought
> > > > > > and
> > > > > > thought and thought , and finally said "His furlough is just as long as
> > > > > > Mr.
> > > > > > Smith's furlough, but it's a lot thicker.”
> > > > > Your dementia is acting up again --- you are repeating yourself more and
> > > > > more.

> > > > It's just as funny the 10,000th time as the first time.
> > >
> > > hey mike, here's a new fresh joke!
> > >
> > > Mrs. Smith had a maid named Mabel , and Mabel
> > > asked Mrs. Smith "Can my boyfriend Leroy come visit us for a few days ,
> > > he's
> > > got some time off from the army?" Mrs. Smith says "why of course he can
> > > come
> > > visit us Mabel ; how long is your boyfriend's furlough?" Mabel thought and
> > > thought and thought , and finally said "His furlough is just as long as Mr.
> > > Smith's furlough, but it's a lot thicker.”
> > >
> > > The only trouble is, it's a little bit racist and nowadays if you're
> > > racist,
> > > they come and decapitate you.
> > You are lifting your sighted to some pretty heady territory..
>

> i'm running a ski resort and it has lifts on it to Take you to beautiful
> scenery,

I scene it all before

[Mike]

On Sep 3, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<cea06c69-b26b-4a21...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > The only trouble is, it's a little bit racist and nowadays if you're
> > > > > racist,
> > > > > they come and decapitate you.
> > > > You are lifting your sighted to some pretty heady territory..
> > >
> > > i'm running a ski resort and it has lifts on it to Take you to beautiful
> > > scenery,

> > I scene it all before So you are a filmmaker?

I sold all my Kodak stock long ago.

[Mike]

On Sep 3, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<c3fb003c-7667-4a0f...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > You are lifting your sighted to some pretty heady territory..
> > > > >
> > > > > i'm running a ski resort and it has lifts on it to Take you to beautiful
> > > > > scenery,

> > > > I scene it all before So you are a filmmaker? I sold all my Kodak stock long ago. I sold all my Kodak stock to a Kodiak bear.

The sales terms must have been quite grizzly.

[Don Stockbauer]

Actually, since real bears can't make stock transactions , I sold it to its mentor , Grizzly Adams.

[Mike]

On Sep 4, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<c57ff46a-06c2-4f3a...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > > i'm running a ski resort and it has lifts on it to Take you to
> > > > > > > beautiful
> > > > > > > scenery,
> > > > > > I scene it all before So you are a filmmaker? I sold all my Kodak stock

> > > > > > long ago. I sold all my Kodak stock to a Kodiak bear. The sales terms must have been quite grizzly. Actually, since real bears can't make stock

transactions , I sold it to its
> mentor , Grizzly Adams.

Even thou to do so you had to panda to his idiosyncrasies

[Don Stockbauer]

I sold some stock to the giant pandas, but then they escaped to China with it.

[Mike]

On Sep 4, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<9e258308-85b0-4808...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > > > I scene it all before So you are a filmmaker? I sold all my Kodak
> > > > > > > > stock
> > > > > > > > long ago. I sold all my Kodak stock to a Kodiak bear. The sales terms
> > > > > > > > must have been quite grizzly. Actually, since real bears can't make
> > > > > > > > stock
> > transactions , I sold it to its
> > > mentor , Grizzly Adams.
> > Even thou to do so you had to panda to his idiosyncrasies

> I sold some stock to the giant pandas, but then they escaped to China with it.

We had polar opposite results

[Don Stockbauer]

The Earth has two poles, a North pole and a South pole, therefore the entire Earth is bipolar.

[Mike]

On Sep 4, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<cd7f0db4-a953-49f1...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > , I sold it to its
> > > > > mentor , Grizzly Adams.
> > > > Even thou to do so you had to panda to his idiosyncrasies
> > > I sold some stock to the giant pandas, but then they escaped to China with
> > > it.
> > We had polar opposite results
>

> The Earth has two poles, a North pole and a South pole, therefore the entire
> Earth is bipolar.

That pus a different spin on it.

[Don Stockbauer]

There's this planet in an Asimov story which is made entirely of pus; it has the science fictiony name of Planet Zit.

[Mike]

On Sep 5, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<b731c3ef-19d3-4c8a...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > Even thou to do so you had to panda to his idiosyncrasies
> > > > > I sold some stock to the giant pandas, but then they escaped to China
> > > > > with
> > > > > it.
> > > > We had polar opposite results
> > >
> > > The Earth has two poles, a North pole and a South pole, therefore the
> > > entire
> > > Earth is bipolar.
> > That pus a different spin on it.

> There's this planet in an Asimov story which is made entirely of pus; it has
> the science fictiony name of Planet Zit.

He must have been in a time squeeze to get something out

[Don Stockbauer]

He really was in a-time squeeze ; the next time he got in a time squeeze he wrote a story about outing his nephew, Bruce.

[Mike]

On Sep 5, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<29b180fb-a8cd-4576...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > >
> > > > > The Earth has two poles, a North pole and a South pole, therefore the
> > > > > entire
> > > > > Earth is bipolar.
> > > > That pus a different spin on it.
> > > There's this planet in an Asimov story which is made entirely of pus; it
> > > has
> > > the science fictiony name of Planet Zit.
> > He must have been in a time squeeze to get something out

> He really was in a-time squeeze ; the next time he got in a time squeeze he
> wrote a story about outing his nephew, Bruce.

Was that the name she was using???

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes, she used the name Bruce , but later she changed her name to Lola and made $100 trillion off the song.

[Mike]

On Sep 6, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<da9318bc-f95c-424b...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > He must have been in a time squeeze to get something out
> > > He really was in a-time squeeze ; the next time he got in a time squeeze he
> > > wrote a story about outing his nephew, Bruce.

> > Was that the name she was using???\ Yes, she used the name Bruce , but later she changed her name to Lola and

> made $100 trillion off the song.

It was so bad that people paid her that much to keep it from being played.
Concerts.when it was played, had a pay to get out fee.

[Don Stockbauer]

It was great as a non-request song. People would
phone into a radio station and say "I don't want LOLA"

[Mike]

On Sep 6, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<08f1be33-4344-4ead...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > Was that the name she was using???\ Yes, she used the name Bruce , but
> > > > later she changed her name to Lola and
> > > made $100 trillion off the song.
> > It was so bad that people paid her that much to keep it from being played.
> > Concerts.when it was played, had a pay to get out fee.

> It was great as a non-request song. People would

> phone into a radio station and say "I don't want LOLA”

Said tung in cheek

[Don Stockbauer]

The lesbian version of Lola was said tongue in vagina.

[Mike]

On Sep 7, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<522c0233-76b8-4c47...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > It was so bad that people paid her that much to keep it from being played.
> > > > Concerts.when it was played, had a pay to get out fee.
> > > It was great as a non-request song. People would

> > > phone into a radio station and say "I don't want LOLA” Said tung in cheek The lesbian version of Lola was said tongue in vagina.

Was their tune “Carry Me Back to Old Virgin-y"

[Don Stockbauer]

we were all sitting in the coding room one time and I released this new software version, and I started singing "like a version, released for the very first time, like a version."

[Mike]

On Sep 7, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<421160f8-8dc2-4afd...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > It was great as a non-request song. People would
> > > > > phone into a radio station and say "I don't want LOLA” Said tung in
> > > > > cheek The lesbian version of Lola was said tongue in vagina.
> >
> > Was their tune “Carry Me Back to Old Virgin-y"

> we were all sitting in the coding room one time and I released this new
> software version, and I started singing "like a version, released for the

> very first time, like a version.”
That is virgin on the ridiculous.

[Don Stockbauer]

I was visiting Beta Reticuli VII one time, and one of their female inhabitants enticed me into bed with her , and I was performing a sex act, which here on Earth has one name , but on Beta Ridiculous VII has a different name , she called it "Ridiculingus".

[Mike]

On Sep 8, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<34a6341f-49ac-4262...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > >
> > > > Was their tune “Carry Me Back to Old Virgin-y"
> > > we were all sitting in the coding room one time and I released this new
> > > software version, and I started singing "like a version, released for the
> > > very first time, like a version.”
> > That is virgin on the ridiculous.

> I was visiting Beta Reticuli VII one time, and one of their female
> inhabitants enticed me into bed with her , and I was performing a sex act,
> which here on Earth has one name , but on Beta Ridiculous VII has a different
> name , she called it "Ridiculingus”.

But they are all trans there.

[Don Stockbauer]

they all work in the transportation industry?

[Mike]

On Sep 8, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<682892a3-27b9-4b7d...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > I was visiting Beta Reticuli VII one time, and one of their female
> > > inhabitants enticed me into bed with her , and I was performing a sex act,
> > > which here on Earth has one name , but on Beta Ridiculous VII has a
> > > different
> > > name , she called it "Ridiculingus”.
> > But they are all trans there.

> they all work in the transportation industry?

Just what are you trying to convey to me???

[Don Stockbauer]

A fellow named Bert.

[Mike]

On Sep 9, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<634130c3-681f-401d...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > I was visiting Beta Reticuli VII one time, and one of their female
> > > > > inhabitants enticed me into bed with her , and I was performing a sex
> > > > > act,
> > > > > which here on Earth has one name , but on Beta Ridiculous VII has a
> > > > > different
> > > > > name , she called it "Ridiculingus”.
> > > > But they are all trans there.
> > > they all work in the transportation industry?

> > Just what are you trying to convey to me??? A fellow named Bert.

What about Ernie???

[Don Stockbauer]

what about her?

[Mike]

On Sep 10, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<cb88003d-1212-449d...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > But they are all trans there.
> > > > > they all work in the transportation industry?
> > > > Just what are you trying to convey to me??? A fellow named Bert.
> >
> > What about Ernie???

> what about her?

Thats a HIMicane not a HERicane

[Don Stockbauer]

some people are marketing something called a hurricane it's some kind of Walkingstick that lets you hurry. I'm just a palled and disgusted at a company taking common words for the name of the company or their products like Apple, or Infiniti, or The Inverted Nipple Company, They don't have to pay one cent of trademark. It just drives me bonkers.

[Mike]

On Sep 10, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<f34b5cbc-0775-42d9...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > Just what are you trying to convey to me??? A fellow named Bert.
> > > >
> > > > What about Ernie???
> > > what about her?
> >
> > Thats a HIMicane not a HERicane
>

> some people are marketing something called a hurricane it's some kind of
> Walkingstick that lets you hurry. I'm just a palled and disgusted at a
> company taking common words for the name of the company or their products
> like Apple, or Infiniti, or The Inverted Nipple Company, They don't have to
> pay one cent of trademark. It just drives me bonkers.

Fly, it would be faster

[Don Stockbauer]

I was looking at the paper back rack at a filling station, one book was "Darlene takes a toss", which of course established the name of my dream fantasy
love , another one was titled "how to drive a woman to Ecstasy . " Do you know that there's a town right here in Texas call "Ecstasy" and what they tell you is to get out your iPhone and bring up the mapping app and enter "Ecstasy" in destination field.

[Mike]

On Sep 10, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<63dac572-7455-4495...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > some people are marketing something called a hurricane it's some kind of
> > > Walkingstick that lets you hurry. I'm just a palled and disgusted at a
> > > company taking common words for the name of the company or their products
> > > like Apple, or Infiniti, or The Inverted Nipple Company, They don't have to
> > > pay one cent of trademark. It just drives me bonkers.
> > Fly, it would be faster

> I was looking at the paper back rack at a filling station, one book was
> "Darlene takes a toss", which of course established the name of my dream
> fantasy
> love , another one was titled "how to drive a woman to Ecstasy . " Do you
> know that there's a town right here in Texas call "Ecstasy" and what they
> tell you is to get out your iPhone and bring up the mapping app and enter
> "Ecstasy" in destination field.

They prefer a roll in the field to a roll in the hay???

[Don Stockbauer]

yeah it's just like that movie Young Frankenstein where Gene Wilder and Teri Garr were riding along in a Haywagon and she asked Gene if he would like to "Go fur a roll in Zie hay?" and Gene's eyes get as big as pancakes , Teri says "it's fun rolling see back-and-forth in the hay like this" i.e., to Genes disappointment she didn't mean any fooling around stuff.
Yes, I really liked her. when I was working at NASA in Houston, She was making a movie down in Seabrook and I had such a crush on her .I decided to meet her by buying her flowers and having them delivered to the front desk of her hotel, and of course she would come down for them I guess or she would just ignore them and then when she came down, I would go up and introduce myself and she would say something like "get out of my life you idiot "
I heard she came down with some kind of bad disease.

[Mike]

On Sep 11, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<233b0cce-fd52-4a02...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > Fly, it would be faster
> > > I was looking at the paper back rack at a filling station, one book was
> > > "Darlene takes a toss", which of course established the name of my dream
> > > fantasy
> > > love , another one was titled "how to drive a woman to Ecstasy . " Do you
> > > know that there's a town right here in Texas call "Ecstasy" and what they
> > > tell you is to get out your iPhone and bring up the mapping app and enter
> > > "Ecstasy" in destination field.
> > They prefer a roll in the field to a roll in the hay???
> > Michael LeVine
>

> yeah it's just like that movie Young Frankenstein where Gene Wilder and Teri
> Garr were riding along in a Haywagon and she asked Gene if he would like to
> "Go fur a roll in Zie hay?" and Gene's eyes get as big as pancakes , Teri
> says "it's fun rolling see back-and-forth in the hay like this" i.e., to
> Genes disappointment she didn't mean any fooling around stuff.
> Yes, I really liked her. when I was working at NASA in Houston, She was
> making a movie down in Seabrook and I had such a crush on her .I decided to
> meet her by buying her flowers and having them delivered to the front desk of
> her hotel, and of course she would come down for them I guess or she would
> just ignore them and then when she came down, I would go up and introduce
> myself and she would say something like "get out of my life you idiot "
> I heard she came down with some kind of bad disease.

You are contagious from a distance

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes, I have perfected the technique of being contagious from a distance. Why, I can infect someone with AIDS over the Internet who lives in China. Once we really expand in the space I'll be able to infect somebody with whooping cough who lives on Beta Reticuli VII. It's just magnificent what I can do . All bow down before me.

[Mike]

On Sep 12, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<7815d242-d048-48f8...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > her hotel, and of course she would come down for them I guess or she would
> > > just ignore them and then when she came down, I would go up and introduce
> > > myself and she would say something like "get out of my life you idiot "
> > > I heard she came down with some kind of bad disease.
> > You are contagious from a distance

> Yes, I have perfected the technique of being contagious from a distance. Why,
> I can infect someone with AIDS over the Internet who lives in China. Once we
> really expand in the space I'll be able to infect somebody with whooping
> cough who lives on Beta Reticuli VII. It's just magnificent what I can do .
> All bow down before me.

You would make an infective weapon for us. just place you in the enemies
country and wait.

[Don Stockbauer]

no, I would be an effective weapon against the United States, I would become Russia's dead hand.

[Mike]

On Sep 12, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<c0e0c099-3cbd-46eb...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > You are contagious from a distance
> > > Yes, I have perfected the technique of being contagious from a distance.
> > > Why,
> > > I can infect someone with AIDS over the Internet who lives in China. Once
> > > we
> > > really expand in the space I'll be able to infect somebody with whooping
> > > cough who lives on Beta Reticuli VII. It's just magnificent what I can do .
> > > All bow down before me.
> > You would make an infective weapon for us. just place you in the enemies
> > country and wait.

> no, I would be an effective weapon against the United States, I would become
> Russia's dead hand.

Now you are just putin us on.

[Don Stockbauer]

you mean like Putin on the Ritz
I have from time to time put on the Ritz,
glued the crackers all over my body

[Mike]

On Sep 13, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<1d94349f-9580-40fa...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > You would make an infective weapon for us. just place you in the enemies
> > > > country and wait.
> > > no, I would be an effective weapon against the United States, I would
> > > become
> > > Russia's dead hand.
> > Now you are just putin us on.

> you mean like Putin on the Ritz
> I have from time to time put on the Ritz,
> glued the crackers all over my body

And get sued by the Ritz Brothers???

[Don Stockbauer]

Andy Griffith played the sheriff of Mayberry, a goody, two shoes type guy but then as he got older, they had him playing things like a sheriff that cannibalized people or whatever, and he also made commercials for the Ritz corporation , and his big line was "everything's better when it sits on a Ritz ". my favorite magazine the national lampoon did a take off on that , they had him say "everything's better when it sits on a Ritz and some things are a lot better if they have a Ritz stuck
way up in them, if you get my drift. "

[Mike]

On Sep 13, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<041e8886-8e88-49bd...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > Now you are just putin us on.
> > > you mean like Putin on the Ritz
> > > I have from time to time put on the Ritz,
> > > glued the crackers all over my body
> > And get sued by the Ritz Brothers???
> > Michael LeVine
> > mle...@redshift.com
> >
> > Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
> > finding it everywhere,
> > diagnosing it incorrectly,
> > and applying the wrong remedies.
> > Groucho Marx
>
> Andy Griffith played the sheriff of Mayberry, a goody, two shoes type guy but
> then as he got older, they had him playing things like a sheriff that
> cannibalized people or whatever, and he also made commercials for the Ritz
> corporation , and his big line was "everything's better when it sits on a
> Ritz ". my favorite magazine the national lampoon did a take off on that ,
> they had him say "everything's better when it sits on a Ritz and some things
> are a lot better if they have a Ritz stuck

> way up in them, if you get my drift. “

Now you have gone crackers.

[Don Stockbauer]

Yes, I have gone crackers. What happens is I have a bunch of cracker boxes and the ones that still have crackers in them I title "Present crackers", but the empty boxes that need to be thrown away I label "Gone Crackers"

[Mike]

On Sep 14, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<01016f65-9186-4a12...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > Andy Griffith played the sheriff of Mayberry, a goody, two shoes type guy
> > > but
> > > then as he got older, they had him playing things like a sheriff that
> > > cannibalized people or whatever, and he also made commercials for the Ritz
> > > corporation , and his big line was "everything's better when it sits on a
> > > Ritz ". my favorite magazine the national lampoon did a take off on that ,
> > > they had him say "everything's better when it sits on a Ritz and some
> > > things
> > > are a lot better if they have a Ritz stuck
> > > way up in them, if you get my drift. “
> >
> > Now you have gone crackers.

> Yes, I have gone crackers. What happens is I have a bunch of cracker boxes
> and the ones that still have crackers in them I title "Present crackers", but

> the empty boxes that need to be thrown away I label "Gone Crackers”
Never the easy way for you, just have to take the hardtack

[Don Stockbauer]

I was once a tack manufacturer, and one of my foremen didn't put enough carbon in the steel so they wound up soft tacks.

[Mike]

On Sep 14, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<50e4b7db-b71f-4b89...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > >
> > > > Now you have gone crackers.
> > > Yes, I have gone crackers. What happens is I have a bunch of cracker boxes
> > > and the ones that still have crackers in them I title "Present crackers",
> > > but
> > > the empty boxes that need to be thrown away I label "Gone Crackers”
> > Never the easy way for you, just have to take the hardtack

> I was once a tack manufacturer, and one of my foremen didn't put enough
> carbon in the steel so they wound up soft tacks.

Now you have put your thumb on the problem.

[Don Stockbauer]

I was once a green grocer here and Victoria , sold millions of USD per year , but one day this real thug came into the store and he saw that I had my thumb on the scale and killed me.

[Mike]

On Sep 15, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<6158e327-597d-4374...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > Never the easy way for you, just have to take the hardtack
> > > I was once a tack manufacturer, and one of my foremen didn't put enough
> > > carbon in the steel so they wound up soft tacks.
> > Now you have put your thumb on the problem.

> I was once a green grocer here and Victoria , sold millions of USD per year ,
> but one day this real thug came into the store and he saw that I had my thumb
> on the scale and killed me.

And how much were you charging for each dollar bill??

[Don Stockbauer]

Fifty cents.

[Mike]

On Sep 15, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<765b5069-4dbd-4550...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > Never the easy way for you, just have to take the hardtack
> > > > > I was once a tack manufacturer, and one of my foremen didn't put enough
> > > > > carbon in the steel so they wound up soft tacks.
> > > > Now you have put your thumb on the problem.
> > > I was once a green grocer here and Victoria , sold millions of USD per
> > > year ,
> > > but one day this real thug came into the store and he saw that I had my
> > > thumb
> > > on the scale and killed me.

> > And how much were you charging for each dollar bill?? Fifty cents.

I buy $150 worth and will pay with a $75 bill.

[Don Stockbauer]

knowing you, I thought you'd pay with three dollar bills.

[Mike]

On Sep 15, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<6bd1e6d4-f7d7-4f11...@googlegroups.com>):

Now you have put your thumb on the problem.
> > > > > I was once a green grocer here and Victoria , sold millions of USD per
> > > > > year ,
> > > > > but one day this real thug came into the store and he saw that I had my
> > > > > thumb
> > > > > on the scale and killed me.
> > > > And how much were you charging for each dollar bill?? Fifty cents.
> >
> > I buy $150 worth and will pay with a $75 bill.

> knowing you, I thought you'd pay with three dollar bills.

Too bulky, I prefer large bills/

[Don Stockbauer]

Talking about larger bills , I remember a show way way back (this is an example of how my memory can remember tiny little details ) , in the show this fellow was kept in a mental hospital (I've never been in one, I don't think) even though he had no mental problems , it was just a mistake, him being kept in a mental hospital all those years there made him kind of retarded so he worked with his caseworker and she got him out into the public and he went into a diner and the waitress said "well that'll be $7.22 " and he paid with a 50 ,and she said "don't you have anything smaller " so he put the bills on his lap and looked at them closely. He told her "no , they're all the same size " He thought a smaller bill meant the bill was actually smaller in physical size. The reality is that all bills are exactly the same size and you can print stupid numbers on them supposedly making them worth more or less, like one bill might have a one printed on it, another might have 1000 on it , which just shows the arbitrary nature of our monetary system, and how it will cause all of us to die.

[Mike]

On Sep 17, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ee175493-0804-49a6...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > >
> > > > I buy $150 worth and will pay with a $75 bill.
> > > knowing you, I thought you'd pay with three dollar bills.
> > Too bulky, I prefer large bills/
>

> Talking about larger bills , I remember a show way way back (this is an
> example of how my memory can remember tiny little details ) , in the show
> this fellow was kept in a mental hospital (I've never been in one, I don't
> think) even though he had no mental problems , it was just a mistake, him
> being kept in a mental hospital all those years there made him kind of
> retarded so he worked with his caseworker and she got him out into the public
> and he went into a diner and the waitress said "well that'll be $7.22 " and
> he paid with a 50 ,and she said "don't you have anything smaller " so he put
> the bills on his lap and looked at them closely. He told her "no , they're
> all the same size " He thought a smaller bill meant the bill was actually
> smaller in physical size. The reality is that all bills are exactly the same
> size and you can print stupid numbers on them supposedly making them worth
> more or less, like one bill might have a one printed on it, another might
> have 1000 on it , which just shows the arbitrary nature of our monetary
> system, and how it will cause all of us to die.

Just be glad you did not live in pre-decimal England.

[Don Stockbauer]

OK. I'm thankful.

[Mike]

On Sep 17, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<17241bbe-0b98-44aa...@googlegroups.com>):

> > >
> > > Talking about larger bills , I remember a show way way back (this is an
> > > example of how my memory can remember tiny little details ) , in the show
> > > this fellow was kept in a mental hospital (I've never been in one, I don't
> > > think) even though he had no mental problems , it was just a mistake, him
> > > being kept in a mental hospital all those years there made him kind of
> > > retarded so he worked with his caseworker and she got him out into the
> > > public
> > > and he went into a diner and the waitress said "well that'll be $7.22 " and
> > > he paid with a 50 ,and she said "don't you have anything smaller " so he
> > > put
> > > the bills on his lap and looked at them closely. He told her "no , they're
> > > all the same size " He thought a smaller bill meant the bill was actually
> > > smaller in physical size. The reality is that all bills are exactly the
> > > same
> > > size and you can print stupid numbers on them supposedly making them worth
> > > more or less, like one bill might have a one printed on it, another might
> > > have 1000 on it , which just shows the arbitrary nature of our monetary
> > > system, and how it will cause all of us to die.
> > Just be glad you did not live in pre-decimal England.

> OK. I'm thankful.

But not pence - ive.

[Don Stockbauer]

I'm going to pound you to a pulp.

[Mike]

On Sep 18, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<8e4776a3-ea79-477a...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > more or less, like one bill might have a one printed on it, another might
> > > > > have 1000 on it , which just shows the arbitrary nature of our monetary
> > > > > system, and how it will cause all of us to die.
> > > > Just be glad you did not live in pre-decimal England.
> > > OK. I'm thankful.
> >
> > But not pence - ive.

> I'm going to pound you to a pulp.

I am not going to be a guinea pig for your delusions

[Don Stockbauer]

There is a word very similar to ha penny which describes you : a ha wit.

[Mike]

On Sep 19, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<675b83ad-5c42-4df8...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > Just be glad you did not live in pre-decimal England.
> > > > > OK. I'm thankful.
> > > >
> > > > But not pence - ive.
> > > I'm going to pound you to a pulp.

> > I am not going to be a guinea pig for your delusions There is a word very similar to ha penny which describes you : a ha wit.

But I do not do things half way.

[Don Stockbauer]

But that's the type of house you escaped from.

[Mike]

On Sep 20, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<ffef04cb-fcbf-4345...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > But not pence - ive.
> > > > > I'm going to pound you to a pulp.
> > > > I am not going to be a guinea pig for your delusions There is a word very
> > > > similar to ha penny which describes you : a ha wit.
> >
> > But I do not do things half way.
>

> But that's the type of house you escaped from.

Actually they ran me off for setting a good example.

[Don Stockbauer]

Setting a good example, most likely the "setting" was setting a fire.

[Mike]

On Sep 21, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<a947c5e7-446f-4869...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > I am not going to be a guinea pig for your delusions There is a word
> > > > > > very
> > > > > > similar to ha penny which describes you : a ha wit.
> > > >
> > > > But I do not do things half way.
> > >
> > > But that's the type of house you escaped from.
> > Actually they ran me off for setting a good example.
>

> Setting a good example, most likely the "setting" was setting a fire.

Believe ot or not, there arson things I will not resort to.

[Don Stockbauer]

I hear you and your wife raised arson to be that arsonist guy in Seattle that his father turned in to the police.

[Mike]

On Sep 22, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<4d6f3116-9b0f-4255...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > But I do not do things half way.
> > > > >
> > > > > But that's the type of house you escaped from.
> > > > Actually they ran me off for setting a good example.
> > >
> > > Setting a good example, most likely the "setting" was setting a fire.
> > Believe ot or not, there arson things I will not resort to.
>

> I hear you and your wife raised arson to be that arsonist guy in Seattle that
> his father turned in to the police.

He has a burning ambition to be famous some day

[Don Stockbauer]

He got famous all right ; he's the most famous prisoner in Leavenworth.

[Mike]

On Sep 22, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<0a63a0ad-776c-4eba...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > > But that's the type of house you escaped from.
> > > > > > Actually they ran me off for setting a good example. Setting a good example, most likely the "setting" was setting a fire.
> > > > Believe ot or not, there arson things I will not resort to. I hear you and your wife raised arson to be that arsonist guy in Seattle
> > > that
> > > his father turned in to the police.

> > He has a burning ambition to be famous some day He got famous all right ; he's the most famous prisoner in Leavenworth.

Leaving worth - while citizens furling safer.

[Don Stockbauer]

I saw this really funny cartoon. What it showed was a man before a firing squad and they were about to pull the trigger and then in the background this woman is on the second floor of her house and it's in flames and she shouts out FIRE!!!!! Purdy doggone, funny, eh?

[Mike]

On Sep 23, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<c25f1d2c-149c-4d3f...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > Believe ot or not, there arson things I will not resort to. I hear you
> > > > > > and your wife raised arson to be that arsonist guy in Seattle
> > > > > that
> > > > > his father turned in to the police.
> > > > He has a burning ambition to be famous some day He got famous all right ;
> > > > he's the most famous prisoner in Leavenworth. Leaving worth - while citizens furling safer.

> I saw this really funny cartoon. What it showed was a man before a firing
> squad and they were about to pull the trigger and then in the background this
> woman is on the second floor of her house and it's in flames and she shouts
> out FIRE!!!!! Purdy doggone, funny, eh?

You have been seeing too many Don MNartin reprints

[Don Stockbauer]

well, I guess so . I saw a really boffo one by him and what it was there was a surgeon about to perform a brain operation. He's looking at a patient's head saying "Gee , I just don't know how to proceed " Then it showed the back of the guy's head and there was writing which read "Insert thumb under tab. pull firmly along dotted lines."

[Mike]

On Sep 24, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<13cf0aff-f478-432c...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > he's the most famous prisoner in Leavenworth. Leaving worth - while
> > > > > > citizens furling safer.
> > > I saw this really funny cartoon. What it showed was a man before a firing
> > > squad and they were about to pull the trigger and then in the background
> > > this
> > > woman is on the second floor of her house and it's in flames and she shouts
> > > out FIRE!!!!! Purdy doggone, funny, eh?
> > You have been seeing too many Don MNartin reprints

> well, I guess so . I saw a really boffo one by him and what it was there was
> a surgeon about to perform a brain operation. He's looking at a patient's
> head saying "Gee , I just don't know how to proceed " Then it showed the back
> of the guy's head and there was writing which read "Insert thumb under tab.

> pull firmly along dotted lines.” Issac Asimov write in his autobiography about the time he was scheduled for an operation.
as a joke he drew a doted line when the operation was to take place and the
words --
"cut along the dotted line” When The surgeon say it he was laughing so hard
he almost could
not operate.

[Don Stockbauer]

That could be dangerous. If you got an Aggie surgeon who took Asimov literally.

[Mike]

On Sep 24, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<1621298c-f90a-4722...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > You have been seeing too many Don MNartin reprints
> > > well, I guess so . I saw a really boffo one by him and what it was there
> > > was
> > > a surgeon about to perform a brain operation. He's looking at a patient's
> > > head saying "Gee , I just don't know how to proceed " Then it showed the
> > > back
> > > of the guy's head and there was writing which read "Insert thumb under tab.
> > > pull firmly along dotted lines.” Issac Asimov write in his autobiography
> > > about the time he was scheduled for an operation.
> > as a joke he drew a doted line when the operation was to take place and the
> > words --
> > "cut along the dotted line” When The surgeon say it he was laughing so
> > hard
> > he almost could
> > not operate.

> That could be dangerous. If you got an Aggie surgeon who took Asimov
> literally.

Actually, after a few (admittedly rare) mistakes where the wrong organ
was operatied on, it became standard practice to do just that ahead of
the operation to reduce the chance if such an error.

[Don Stockbauer]

There was the case of this skilled Aggie surgeon who was able to reunite a pair of Siamese twins that were born separately.

[Mike]

On Sep 25, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<26ff7462-a5f3-40d1...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > as a joke he drew a doted line when the operation was to take place and
> > > > the
> > > > words --
> > > > "cut along the dotted line” When The surgeon say it he was laughing so
> > > > hard
> > > > he almost could
> > > > not operate.
> > > That could be dangerous. If you got an Aggie surgeon who took Asimov
> > > literally.
> > Actually, after a few (admittedly rare) mistakes where the wrong organ
> > was operatied on, it became standard practice to do just that ahead of

> > the operation to reduce the chance if such an error. There was the case of this skilled Aggie surgeon who was able to reunite a

> pair of Siamese twins that were born separately.

The joke was on them and it really had them in stiches

[Don Stockbauer]

They did have a really big tears in their blue jeans.

[Mike]

On Sep 26, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<b7172544-c5bc-4f38...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > That could be dangerous. If you got an Aggie surgeon who took Asimov
> > > > > literally.
> > > > Actually, after a few (admittedly rare) mistakes where the wrong organ
> > > > was operatied on, it became standard practice to do just that ahead of
> > > > the operation to reduce the chance if such an error. There was the case
> > > > of this skilled Aggie surgeon who was able to reunite a
> > > pair of Siamese twins that were born separately.
> > The joke was on them and it really had them in stiches
>

> They did have a really big tears in their blue jeans.

So you say it is genetic???

Michael LeVine
mle...@redshift.com

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies.

Groucho Marx

[Don Stockbauer]

every last lady that I see walking along with those big tears in her blue jeans , and I mean every lady not just ones know , I go up to them and say "You have trouble getting through that Barbwire fence , did you?" She usually hits me with her purse like Ruth Buzzi, and then I'll tell her "I live on a ranch , I fix barbed wire fences all the time " and then she'll say "I don't give a damn"

[Mike]

On Sep 27, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<54dd53ab-95de-41b9...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > Actually, after a few (admittedly rare) mistakes where the wrong organ
> > > > > > was operatied on, it became standard practice to do just that ahead of
> > > > > > the operation to reduce the chance if such an error. There was the case
> > > > > > of this skilled Aggie surgeon who was able to reunite a
> > > > > pair of Siamese twins that were born separately.
> > > > The joke was on them and it really had them in stiches
> > >
> > > They did have a really big tears in their blue jeans.
> > So you say it is genetic???

> every last lady that I see walking along with those big tears in her blue
> jeans , and I mean every lady not just ones know , I go up to them and say
> "You have trouble getting through that Barbwire fence , did you?" She usually
> hits me with her purse like Ruth Buzzi, and then I'll tell her "I live on a
> ranch , I fix barbed wire fences all the time " and then she'll say "I don't

> give a damn”
And they pay extra for the tearing to produce pants/etc that my parents
would have tossed as worn-out on sight.

[Don Stockbauer]

I went into a restaurant. There was a waitress about 20 years old. She had torn up jeans like that. I didn't know her from Adam and I told her "well , you must've had an accident crawling through a barbed-wire fence". She said "oh you, other people have told me that, I'm sick of that joke , here's your pop tart"

[Mike]

On Sep 27, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote

(in article<f1f85bb0-7769-4c54...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > > > The joke was on them and it really had them in stiches
> > > > >
> > > > > They did have a really big tears in their blue jeans.
> > > > So you say it is genetic???
> > > every last lady that I see walking along with those big tears in her blue
> > > jeans , and I mean every lady not just ones know , I go up to them and say
> > > "You have trouble getting through that Barbwire fence , did you?" She
> > > usually
> > > hits me with her purse like Ruth Buzzi, and then I'll tell her "I live on a
> > > ranch , I fix barbed wire fences all the time " and then she'll say "I
> > > don't
> > > give a damn”
> > And they pay extra for the tearing to produce pants/etc that my parents
> > would have tossed as worn-out on sight.

> I went into a restaurant. There was a waitress about 20 years old. She had
> torn up jeans like that. I didn't know her from Adam and I told her "well ,
> you must've had an accident crawling through a barbed-wire fence". She said
> "oh you, other people have told me that, I'm sick of that joke , here's your

> pop tart”

Müst have been really dense to not realize you/they were not joking.

[Don Stockbauer]

I can guarantee you doing macho work on a pecan ranch like fixing fences, crawling through them time and time again will just rip your clothes to unrecognizable shreds. You couldn't even go into town wearing them because you'll be arrested for indecency.

[Mike]

On Sep 28, 2023, Don Stockbauer wrote
(in article<5e9f19c8-5516-4b56...@googlegroups.com>):

> > > > And they pay extra for the tearing to produce pants/etc that my parents
> > > > would have tossed as worn-out on sight.
> > > I went into a restaurant. There was a waitress about 20 years old. She had
> > > torn up jeans like that. I didn't know her from Adam and I told her "well ,
> > > you must've had an accident crawling through a barbed-wire fence". She said
> > > "oh you, other people have told me that, I'm sick of that joke , here's
> > > your
> > > pop tart”
> >
> > Müst have been really dense to not realize you/they were not joking.

> I can guarantee you doing macho work on a pecan ranch like fixing fences,
> crawling through them time and time again will just rip your clothes to
> unrecognizable shreds. You couldn't even go into town wearing them because
> you'll be arrested for indecency.

And I never liked to wear stripes. Made me look fat.