Kids & Comics Puns & Riddles of the Weak 02-24-04

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Stan Kegel

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Feb 24, 2004, 2:37:14 PM2/24/04
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KID'S AND COMIC RIDDLES AND PUNS for the week ending 02-24-04

JEST FOR KIDS

Why don't bananas ever get lonely?
Because they go around in bunches. (Andy,7)

Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side?
He's all right now. (John, 8)

Why did the hermit crab cross the road?
To get to the Shell station (Paul, 9)

Why do people work as bakers?
Because they knead the dough. (Jeannine, 9)

What do glow worms eat?
Light snacks (Giselle, 10)

What do Atilla the Hun and Winnie the Poo have in common?
The same middle name (Sally 11)

What happened when the chimney got angry?
It blew its stack. (Kid's Jokes)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
For some fowl reason! (Betty Debnam)

Why was the baby strawberry upset?
His mom and dad were in a jam (Bennett Cerf)

What did the little boy say to the lollipop?
I can lick you any day (Bennett Cerf)

Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed?
Because he is lying. (Troy, 6)

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was some money in the kitty! (Heather, 10)

What did the traffic-light say?
Don't look now, I'm changing. (William Brabant).

Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
So he wouldn't wake the sleeping pills. (Bennett Cerf)

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?
"Show me the honey!" (Erin, 8)

What did the earthuake say to the volcano?
It's not my fault (Isabelle, 9)

What did the broom say when it got tired?
I'm feeling sweepy (Penelope, 9)

Did you hear about the dizzy Boy Scout?
He spent all day doing good turns! (Andrea, 7)

How do you know mummies can keep secrets?
Because they keep things under wraps. (Geri, 11)

What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
Fowl weather. (Joseph Rosenbloom)

Was Noah the first one out of the Ark?
No, he came fourth out of the ark (William Brabant)

Why is sleeing a top-secret activity?
Because you are under cover (Fajaamarah, 7)

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses! (Luke, 8)

Who ate his victims two by two?
Noah's shark! (Brad, 10)

Why did the man sleep under the car?
So he could wake up oily in the morning. (Harri, 10)

What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
A train says, "Choo-choo," and a teacher says "Spit out the gum!" (T.
J., 12)

What's the difference between a train with a cold and a train without a cold?
A train without a cold goes "choo-choo" and a train with a cold goes
"Ah-choo" (Alex, 6)

What are the saddest birds in the world?
Bluebirds (Betty Debnam)

How does the Eskimo mend his house?
With iglue! (Kimbillie, 9)

Why is five o'clock in the morning like a pig's tail?
It's twirly. (Too early) (William Brabant)

What did the bully say to the stamp?
"I bet I can lick you." (Kid's Jokes)

What vegetable needs a plumber?
A Leek (Bennett Cerf)

Why is it that the hearing of people who work on the railroad is different
from other's people hearing?
Because they have engine ears. (Michael Rogers)

What do sheep like to play at casinos?
Wollette (Evan, 7)

How deep is that water?
Not very - it only reaches that duck's waist (Betty Debnam)

What kind of doctor treats his patients like animals?
A veternarian (Joseph Rosenbloom)

Why did the girl take some hay to bed?
To feed her nightmare (Diane, 9)

What did the bridegroom do when his wife baked him a marble cake.
' He took it for granite. (Bennett Cerf)

Why do you go to bed?
Because the bed will not come to you.(Robert, 6)

Do you know how to make a Swiss roll?
Push him down the Alps. (Syman Hirsch)

Who is that masked man in our front yard?
It's the Lawn Ranger (William Brabant).

Why did the ocean roar?
Because it had crabs in its bed. (Tina, 11)

What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing?
"Help! My pocket's been picked." (Kid's Jokes)

Is writing on an empty stomach harmful?
No, but paper is better (Bennett Cerf)

What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
One knows the stops; the other stops the nose. (Joseph Rosenbloom)

What did the alien say to the garden?
"Take me to your weeder!" (Hugh, 10)

What do you call a boy who is hanging on the wall?
Art (Armani, 8)

What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
A doctopus! (James, 7)

What did the leopard say when he swallowed the man?
"That hit the spot!" (Kid's Jokes)

How can you buy eggs and be certain there are no chickens in them?
Buy duck eggs (Bennett Cerf)

Where do geologists like to relax?
In a rocking chair (Betty Debnam)

What was the medical student thinking about during the concert?
His organ recital (Jumble)

Where do geologists like to go for entertainment?
To rock 'n' roll concerts (Betty Debnam)

What did the delicatessen sell after it burned down?
Smoked meats. (Kid's Jokes)

Name one eight letter word that has kst in the middle, in the beginning,
and at the end.
Inkstand (LAL Laughs)

If "GH" can stand for "P" as in "Hiccough"
If "OUGH" can stand for "O" as in "Dough"
If "PHTH" can stand for "T" as in "Phthisis"
If "EIGH" can stand for "A" as in "Neighbor"
If "TTE" can stand for "T" as in "Gazette"
If "EAU" can stand for "O" as in "Plateau"
Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:
"GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU" (Randall Woodman)

Old doctors never die,they just lose their patience. (Michelline)

A lawyer came into court wearing a law suit. (Micheline)

With ice covering his vessel's exterior, the old captain was experiencing a
hard ship. (Tim Davis)

In 1951 The first automobile commercial was set to music. It was the first
Car Tune. (Daryl Stout)

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (Doug Helsel)

Hey, did you hear about the refrigerator manufacturer that had it's assets
frozen? (Doug Helsel)

Hey, did you hear about the the dental practice that was rotten to it's
roots? (Doug Helsel) That that is a pun is inci-dental (Stan Kegel)

Hey, did you hear about the bra manufacturers that went bust? (Doug Helsel)

Hey, did you hear about the upholsterers that couldn't cover their costs?
(Doug Helsel)

Hey, did you hear about the corset firm that felt the squeeze? (Doug Helsel)

Hey, did you hear about the adhesive tape company that got into a sticky
situation? (Doug Helsel)

Hey, did you hear about the tennis ball manufacturer that ended up in
court? (Doug Helsel)

COMICS

A Juvenile delinquent is a child hood. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Obesity is widespread (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

The travel business is a going concern (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

A police strike is a cop out (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Bacteria is not the back enterance to a cafeteria. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Diets are altered rations (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Art colleges have high mural standards. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Gridlock turns all cars into stationary wagons (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

People who eat and run are bad tippers (Graffiti: Gene Mora)

You two were made for each other. She's an algebra teacher and you have
plenty of problems (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)

Sign in Florist window: A vase for everything and everything in its vase
(Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)

"Why do we have to have liver once a week?" "Because you couldn't stand it
twice a week!" (Hager the Horrible: Chris Browne)

The best way to live is one day at a time. If you try to live seven days at
a time, the week will be over before you know it. (Peanuts: Charles M. Schulz)

Woman in market looking at a bin of 'new baby potatoes': "How sweet. They
haven't opened their eyes yet. (Cartoons 4 Fun: Myke Ashley-Cooper)

Mother: "Jeremy, would you take out the trash?" Teen-ager: "Hey, at this
point in my life, I'd date just about anybody!" (Zits: Scott & Borgman)

Aide to Senator: You're way ahead in the exit polls. Most of the voters
want you to exit. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)

"Poor Sylvia. Her husband ran off with the cleaning woman." "Oh dear, how
is she coping?" "Not bad. It's a small house." (The Sunshine Club: Howie Schneider)

Diner: "The huevos Locos, please" Waitress: "Gimme a Howard Dean!" Next
diner: "I want the scrambled Baloney" "One C. I. A." 3rd diner: "One
chicken breast on white bread" "One Janet and Justin" (La Cucaracha: Lalo Alcaraz)

Teens in Coffee Shop: "Hold it. Some weird bug just flew into your cup"
"OK, this coffee's really giving me a big buzz!" (Baldo: Cantu & Castellanos)

Dear Mr. President, As this is Presidents' Day, we as citizens should show
appreciation for all the men elected to that great office. Which is why I
am writing you today. Do you know Al Gore's address. (Soup To Nutz: Rick Stromoski)

Thug to Pig: "Listen, you. You say a word about me and Luigi's plan to kill
Vinnie and its curtains for you." Pig to stranger: "Hey, the guys over
there are gonna kill some man named Vinnie." Pig to thugs: "I'd like them
in mauve, please." (Pearls Before Swine: Stephan Pastis)

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