Kids Puns of the Weak 06-22-04
Stan Kegel
HOLIDAY PUNS
Father's Day was both a joy and a worry as my kids were growing up. I was
always afraid they were going to give me a present that I couldn't afford.
(Judyąs Jokes)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid! (Lauren, 10)
What did the pig say when the room got too hot?
"If it gets any hotter, I'll be bacon!" (Daily Groaner)
Why was the musician arrested?
Because he got in treble! (Brianna,10)
'Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What did the beaver say to the tree?
Nice gnawing you! (Nichole, 12)
What animal doesn't like to do laundry?
A leopard because it has a lot of spots. (Jessica)
What do pigs do when they play basketball?
Hog the ball. (Beckie Shiles)
What can you serve but never eat?
A tennis ball (Luis, 9)
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Great holes all over Australia (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
When a witch goes to a hotel, what does she call for?
Broom Service (David, 9)
What do you call an alligator's helper?
Gatorade. (Kids Jokes)
What song did the man sing to the mosquito?
"I've Got You Under My Skin" (Emika, 6)
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Unplug it! (Daily Groaner)
What has a head and a tail but no body?
A coin (Kimberly, 11)
Why don't grasshoppers go to baseball games?
They prefer cricket! (Deena, 10)
What happens when two bullets get married?
They have a BB . (Kids Jokes)
What did the tires say as they went down the hill?
"Wheel see you later!" (Hailey, 8)
What candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces. (Theresa,10)
A dad went into a pet store and asked the owner if he could have a cat for
his son.
The owner said, "Sorry, we don't do trades." (Rosie OąDonnell)
What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
I'm stuck on you! (Anisa,9)
What happened when the chimney got angry?
It blew its stack. (Kid's Jokes)
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair! (Jack,9)
Why did the dinosaur study so hard?
He wanted to become a thesaurus. (Daily Groaner)
What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread! (Patience,12)
What happened when the diver leaped 100 feet into a glass of root beer?
Nothing. It was a soft drink. (Joseph Rosenbloom)
Where do smart butters go?
On the honor roll! (Tia,10)
Where can you find a salad in a clothing store?
In the "dressing" room! (Elizabeth, 10)
Did you hear about the man who stayed up all night trying to find out where
the sun went?
It finally dawned on him. (Rosie O'Donnell)
Where did the hamburger take his date?
To the meat ball! (Emily, 9)
What should a girl wear when she wants to end a fight?
Makeup. (Kid's Jokes)
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed! (Virgic, 6)
What season is it when you're on a trampoline?
Springtime. (Joseph Rosenbloom)
Why did the mayor have a slice of bread?
Because he wanted to propose a toast! (Lili, 14)
What happened to the convict who had an allergy?
He broke out. (Tony Thoennes)
Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I won't tell you; you might spread it! (Pamela,11)
Why won't clams lend you money?
Because they are shellfish (Daily Groaner)
Why arenąt elephants allowed on the beach?
They canąt keep their trunks up (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
How do you make a cream puff?
Chase it around the block! (Dale,9)
How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A phew! (John, 9)
What did the picture say to the wall?
"I've been framed. " (Kid's Jokes)
How do you make fruit punch?
Give it boxing lessons. (Joseph Rosenbloom)
Why did the bully go to beauty school?
Because he liked to tease hair (Paula, 8)
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
He was sitting on the deck. (Rosie O'Donnell)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
The highway foreman wanted the lazy worker to hit the road. (Jumble: Arnold
& Argirlon)
A backward poet writes inverse. (Archives)
He built two grandfather clocks in one month. He made good time. (Pun of the
Day)
Rearranging our schedule can bias time. (Mike Bull)
Ollie Garchy - Dictator (Bob Dvorak)
When he was divorced, the leading man was given a supporting role. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)
To save money for the company he cut all the electricity. They were soon in
the black. (Antion)
The exterminator quit because he was tired of the rat race. (Jumble: Arnold
& Argirlon)
A canner exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny,
"A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"
(Archives)
Girls who don't get asked out as often as their friends could feel
out-dated. (Mike Bull)
The guy who planted bullets wanted to see a lot of little shoots. (Tony
Thoennes)
A guy went to a costume party dressed as a knife, and he really looked
sharp. (Pun of the Day)
Tennis players don't marry because "Love" means "Nothing" to them. (Mike
Bull)
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel.
(Rosie OąDonnell)
After he bought his two-year-old a felt pen, he was a marked man. (Pun of
the Day)
When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion. (Mike Bull)
Have you ever heard of a cigarette company that went up in smoke? (Joan
DeGrave)
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. (Mike Bull)
If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler. (Pun of the
Day)
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
You don't have to cry, it's just a joke.
(Rosie O'Donnell)
Have you ever heard of the tennis ball manufacturer that ended up in court?
(Joan DeGrave)
Optics researchers have lots of light reading. (Tony Thoennes)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
I have claustrophobia combined with fear of success, so I completely fell
apart when I did a really good job painting the inside of my closet. (Frank
and Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"Do you believe in the Big Band theory?" "It depends on how long your
sideburns are." "Huh?" "Did you say Big Bang or Big Bangs?" (The Duplex:
Glenn McCoy)
You know spring is here when the roadwork signs are blooming (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
"Any more of Pop's lamb chops left, Daddy?" "Lamb chops are red meat, Sonny.
I thought you told us that you decided to become a vegetarian! No matter how
tasty the lamb chops are, they are still red meat!" "Relax, Dad. Even Mary
had a little lamb." {Jump Start: Robb Armstrong)
Frank and Ernest Dry Cleaners. Working at the Same Spot for 10 Years. (Frank
& Ernest: Bob Thaves)
You know spring is here when the roadwork signs are blooming (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
I downloaded Thoreauąs łCivil Disobedience˛ into its memory and now the
łCommand˛ key isnąt working. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
If you must cry over spilled milk, make it condensed. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
łWhat if this ointment doesnąt stop the itch?˛ łI guess youąll just have to
start from scratch.˛ (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Lying is one thing but inaccuracy is intolerable, (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
łItąs hard to put this book down!˛ łReally? Whatąs it about?˛ łHelium.˛
(Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
The one that got away brings fishermen back day after day. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)