A Jewish joke

[Charlie]

Jesus Is Coming For Dinner



This evening, the doorbell rang. We live in a predominantly Jewish suburban
neighborhood of single family houses, a demographic fact known far and wide.
I opened the door and was greeted by a nicely dressed man.



"I have come to bring Jesus to your home," he said.



I reacted almost immediately and asked, "Is he coming for dinner?"



The man said, "He will come any time you are ready."



Aha, I had a live one. "Well, tonight we're having a stir fry. Does Jesus
like chicken?" I asked. The man's eyes glazed slightly. "I don't know if he
still keeps kosher, after all these years," I continued, "but this is a
kosher home, so he'll be able to eat."



The man fumbled into a briefcase and handed me a printed brochure, which I
ignored. "If he wants to daven Mincha [say the afternoon prayer service]
before he comes, the shul [synagogue] is only three blocks from here," I
said.



He gulped, "What?"



I repeated my statement and added, "You mean Jesus Christ, don't you?" He
nodded. I continued, "Born in Bethlehem?" He nodded and started to back away
from my door. I smiled and said, "If that's the guy, he's Jewish." As he
started to turn away, I said, "You're invited too, but no butter on your
dinner roll," and the guy almost ran down the walk.



My wife asked me who was at the door and I told her, "Some friend of Jesus."



She knows me. She shrugged. "And did you invite him in?" she asked.



I nodded, "Sure. I invited him and Jesus to dinner, but the guy ran away."



She walked back into her office, and said over her shoulder, "You don't
speak Aramaic, dummy. Jesus would have a lousy evening here."

[David Uri]

On Sat, 6 Apr 2013 16:24:17 -0400, "Charlie" <le...@thestation.com>
wrote:

>Jesus Is Coming For Dinner

One of Leon's finest.

Regards,
--
David Uri.
Please visit my town - http://allezblancs.miniville.fr
Every visitor increases the population by one.
Email: davidu...@bigfoot.com (remove VEST to reply)
Facebook: http://profile.to/daviduri

[Axel Berger]

Charlie wrote on Sat, 13-04-06 22:24:

>Jesus Is Coming For Dinner

You should have attributed that one to Leon, a former regular in this
group and, at least by me, very much missed. A great man.

[flatula...@deadspam.com]

On Sun, 07 Apr 2013 01:10:14 +0100 David Uri wrote:-

>>Jesus Is Coming For Dinner
>
>One of Leon's finest.

Anyone heard from him at all?

[David Uri]

On Mon, 8 Apr 2013 11:37:12 +1000, <flatula...@deadspam.com>
wrote:

I last heard from Leon about a year ago. He said he was alive and as
well as could be expected for an 88 year old.

I'll try him again.

Regards,
--
David Uri.
Please visit my town - http://allezblancs.miniville.fr
Every visitor increases the population by one.
Email: davidu...@bigfoot.com (remove VEST to reply)

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/daviduri
VK: http://www.vk.com/daviduri

[Bob Holtzman]

On 2013-04-08, David Uri <davidu...@bigfoot.com> wrote:
> On Mon, 8 Apr 2013 11:37:12 +1000, <flatula...@deadspam.com>
> wrote:
>
>>On Sun, 07 Apr 2013 01:10:14 +0100 David Uri wrote:-
>>
>>>>Jesus Is Coming For Dinner
>>>
>>>One of Leon's finest.
>>
>>Anyone heard from him at all?
>
> I last heard from Leon about a year ago. He said he was alive and as
> well as could be expected for an 88 year old.
>
> I'll try him again.

Would inviting him to post be a wasted effort?

--
Bob Holtzman
If you think you're getting free lunch,
check the price of the beer.
Key ID: 8D549279

[DAS]

At least let him know he is well remembered, David.

DAS
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[Charlie]

"Axel Berger" <Axel_...@b.maus.de> wrote in message
news:201304070...@b.maus.de...

On a previous post of joke I had archived I admitted that I had saved
jokes from days past and had not saved originators' names.
As well as Leon, there were many others including Arno Marten and as well as
those whose names I can no longer recall. (my loss).

From time to time I will post these. My big peeve that I wrote about years
ago was about ethnic jokes that were ethnic only by the choice of character
names. Just because Goldberg said it does not necessarily make it Jewish
any more than Kelly makes it Irish.

I readers here feel it is improper for me to post without attribution, I
will cease my sporadic posts.

I put these up with the idea that not everybody who comes by here has heard
or read these before or perhaps it will stir a pleasant memory among the old
timers.

If you rather I not post these oldies without attribution, I will quietly go
away.

Regards, Charlie

[flatula...@deadspam.com]

On Sat, 13 Apr 2013 16:07:59 -0400 Charlie wrote:-

>If you rather I not post these oldies without attribution, I will
>quietly go away.

Please don't!

[Axel Berger]

Charlie wrote on Sat, 13-04-13 22:07:

>If you rather I not post these oldies without attribution, I will
>quietly go away.

Absolutely not! Please continue.

>I had saved jokes from days past and had not saved originators' names.

You could perhaps add that line for forgetful people like me. It was
mostly my missing Leon that prompted the reply and made it come out
way more sharply than intended.

[John W. Vinson]

On Sat, 13 Apr 2013 16:07:59 -0400, "Charlie" <le...@thestation.com> wrote:

>If you rather I not post these oldies without attribution, I will quietly go
>away.

I'm sure some of these - or close variants - were oldies that Rabbi Hillel
groaned at and swatted his students for, two thousand years ago.
--

John W. Vinson JVinson *at* Wysard Of Info *dot* com

[DAS]

'Attribution' is not critical, as there are no new jokes. They were all
brought here by aliens aeons ago.

DAS
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"John W. Vinson" <jvinson@STOP_SPAM.WysardOfInfo.com> wrote in message
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[Charlie]

"DAS" <nob...@nospam.co.uk> wrote in message
news:kkgjod$4cm$1...@dont-email.me...

> 'Attribution' is not critical, as there are no new jokes. They were all
> brought here by aliens aeons ago.
>

At least they are jokes. If you don't like them, don't read them.
I have always written that they come from my archive.

I fondly recall Arno who, when he commented on a post always added what he
called an OJ.

That was an Obligatory Joke.

Would that all posters follow his lead.

Regards, Charlie. No OJ from me today, but I still have a lot in my
archive and will post them sporadically.

[R. K. Toothless]

No OJ here either,
but,
It reminded me of the old gentleman who asked his waiter for a large glass of
prune juice,
and the waiter replied,
Is that for here, or to go?

[DAS]

Excellent <GROAN>

DAS

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"R. K. Toothless" <yas...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
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[Charlie]

"R. K. Toothless" <yas...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:598rm8lgi413j6ba2...@4ax.com...
>

> No OJ here either,
> but,
> It reminded me of the old gentleman who asked his waiter for a large glass
> of
> prune juice,
> and the waiter replied,
> Is that for here, or to go?
>

Now that reminds me of the patron at the deli who hailed the waiter.

Waiter, taste the soup.
Is it too cold?
Waiter, taste the soup.
Is it too hot?
Waiter, taste the soup.
Is it too salty?
WAITER, taste the soup.
Oh, alright. Where's the spoon?
AHA!

Charlie

[John W. Vinson]

On Tue, 16 Apr 2013 17:06:57 -0400, "Charlie" <le...@thestation.com> wrote:


>Waiter, taste the soup.
>Is it too cold?
>Waiter, taste the soup.
>Is it too hot?
>Waiter, taste the soup.
>Is it too salty?
>WAITER, taste the soup.
>Oh, alright. Where's the spoon?
>AHA!

LOL!

And the other soup classic:

"Waiter! This cabbage soup isn't sour enough!"
(Waiter looks at the soup)
"That isn't cabbage soup, it's noodle soup!"
"Oh. Okay; for noodle soup, it's sour enough!"

[DAS]

Golden Oldie...

DAS
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"Charlie" <le...@thestation.com> wrote in message
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