Kids Puns of the Weak 06-08-04
Stan Kegel
JEST FOR KIDS THE RIDDLES
When the Tin Woodsman of Oz finally died, what did his tombstone say?
Rust in Peace (Cynthia MacGregor)
Why did the cowboy put his bunk over the campfire?
So he could sleep like a log. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why are chefs cruel ?
Because they beat the eggs, whip the potatoes, and cream the corn (Eric
11)
What do you call it when an artist paints only lizards?
Art gecko (Daily Groaner)
What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A lawn moooer. (Rosie O'Donnell)
Why don't you ever see a whale cry ?
Because he always blubbers (Tim, 10)
What did the broom say when it got tired?
I'm feeling sweepy (IDGA Club)
What do you call a bell wearing a tutu ?
A bellerina (Ginny, 12)
Why couldn't the mummy answer the telephone?
Because he was all tied up. . (Joseph Rosenbloom)
When the Tin Woodsman of Oz finally died, what did his tombstone say?
Rust in Peace (Cynthia MacGregor)
Why did the cowboy put his bunk over the campfire?
So he could sleep like a log. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why are chefs cruel ?
Because they beat the eggs, whip the potatoes, and cream the corn (Eric
11)
What do you call it when an artist paints only lizards?
Art gecko (Daily Groaner)
What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A lawn moooer. (Rosie O'Donnell)
Why don't you ever see a whale cry ?
Because he always blubbers (Tim, 10)
What did the broom say when it got tired?
I'm feeling sweepy (IDGA Club)
What do you call a bell wearing a tutu ?
A bellerina (Ginny, 12)
Why couldn't the mummy answer the telephone?
Because he was all tied up. . (Joseph Rosenbloom)
Where do steers go to dance?
The meat ball. (Rosie O'Donnell)
Why does Cinderella like to play catch?
Because it's one ball after another. (IDGA Club)
How can you get breakfast in bed?
Sleep in the kitchen! (James, 11)
Why did the lazy man want to work in a bakery?
So he could loaf around. (Daily Groaner)
How do you make swiss roll ?
Push him down a hill (Louise, 7)
Why is a shoemaker's job unpleasant?
Because of all the low-down heels that he has to work with. (Kid's
Jokes)
What do you call a soapy secret agent?
Bubble 07 (Daily Groaner)
Why did the teacher cry on the last day of school?
Because she didnąt want to be divided from the class (Paula)
Why did the Sheriff use a ruler when he questioned the witness?
He wanted to get the story straight. (Sydes)
Why did the newspaper blush?
It saw the comic strip! (Sam, 11)
Why didnąt the teddy bear eat dessert?
Because he was stuffed. (Daily Groaner)
What can you pay your teacher even if you have no money?
Attention (Rachel, 8)
What do you call a rabbit that's owned by a beatle?
A bug's bunny (IDGA Club)
What has eight legs and goes up and down?
A spider in an elevator! (Reem, 12)
How mad can a kangaroo get?
Hopping mad! (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef. (Rosie O'Donnell)
Why did the kid bring a skunk to school?
For łShow and Smell˛ (Stephanie,7)
Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship. (Rosie OąDonnell)
What did one clock say to the other clock when it was frightened?
"Don't be alarmed." (Kid's Jokes)
What are two things you donąt eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner (Stephanie, 11)
What would you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?
A chili dog on a bun. (Michael Rogers)
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck. (Kevin, 8)
What did one cucumber say to the other cucumber?
"If you kept your big mouth shut, we wouldn't be in this pickle. "
(Kid's Jokes)
*What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke!! (Julie, 7)
Why did the tree get lost in the woods?
It took the wrong root. (Daily Groaner)
JEST FOR KIDS - THE PUNS
If you dive into shallow water you could jump to the wrong conclusion (Pun
of the Day)
If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another. Did
you know that hard water is never used to make soft drinks? When bottled
water is cheap it's called a liquidation sale. Someone asked me if I could
swim under water. I said, "don't hold your breath." (Mike Bull)
Moving company exec's daughter: Carey (Archives)
Carrie Onn - Baggage porter (Cynthia MacGregor)
Bill Kleckta - Credit Agent (Bob Dvorak)
Seymour Clearly - optometrist (Jason Dias)
If you dive into shallow water you could jump to the wrong conclusion (Pun
of the Day)
If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another. Did
you know that hard water is never used to make soft drinks? When bottled
water is cheap it's called a liquidation sale. Someone asked me if I could
swim under water. I said, "don't hold your breath." (Mike Bull)
Moving company exec's daughter: Carey (Archives)
Carrie Onn - Baggage porter (Cynthia MacGregor)
Bill Kleckta - Credit Agent (Bob Dvorak)
Seymour Clearly - optometrist (Jason Dias)
Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded. (Pun of the Day)
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. (Mike Bull)
Every calendar's days are numbered. (Mike Bull)
Rob R. Barron - 19th-century steel or oil man (Jason Dias)
The woman who doesn't want to be bothered with job offers?:
Olivia Mia Lown (Cynthia MacGregor)
Rosa Sietz -- an usher (Bob Dvorak)
Gunpowder was invented in a flash. (Tony Thoennes)
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. (Mike Bull)
In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and
pants. (Pun of the Day)
Barb L. Lifter - professional trainer (Jason Dias)
Carmen Gettit - Bunkhouse cook (Cynthia MacGregor)
Tom Foolery - Clown (Bob Dvorak)
Robinson Crusoe always gets his work done by Friday. (Renee from Napa)
If you lean over a balcony and cut open a rotten peach, you'll see the
pitfall. (Mike Bull)
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. (Pun of
the Day)
Ophelia Musselz - Personal trainer (Cynthia MacGregor)
Cara Van - Safari Guide (Bob Dvorak)
Diane Hair - beautician (Jason Dias)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
"My Uncle Owen passed away last week. He was 98. He was pretty groovy, He
was a part-time bandleader for 50 years." "A semi-conductor" "I'll ignore
that." (Trevor: Piper & Lee)
Don't think of it as a pay cut. Think of it as a tax-savings opportunity,
(Bottom Liners: Eric & Bill Teitelbaum)
Preachers talk in other people's sleep (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Why we'll never understand each other: What she heard: "Anything less than
absolute perfection makes you an utter failure as a wife and mother." What
he said: "Mom is coming over for dinner" (Wiley: Non-Sequitur)
"My Uncle Owen passed away last week. He was 98. He was pretty groovy, He
was a part-time bandleader for 50 years." "A semi-conductor" "I'll ignore
that." (Trevor: Piper & Lee)
Don't think of it as a pay cut. Think of it as a tax-savings opportunity,
(Bottom Liners: Eric & Bill Teitelbaum)
Preachers talk in other people's sleep (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Why we'll never understand each other: What she heard: "Anything less than
absolute perfection makes you an utter failure as a wife and mother." What
he said: "Mom is coming over for dinner" (Wiley: Non-Sequitur)
Ruthie at sidewalk table. Signs: łGood Art by Ruthie˛ łOnly 5 cents Drawn
while you wait˛ Woman: łThis is great. Art on a budget.˛ Ruthie: łNo, itąs
on a piece of paper˛ łItąs good for your self-esteem!˛ łNo, itąll look a lot
better on your refrigerator.˛ łMy, itąs a charming flight of fancy!˛ łNo,
itąs a duck on a park bench.˛ łIs everything always so concrete with you?˛
łNot concrete, wood. A wooden Park bench.˛ (On Big Happy: Rick Detorie)
You're as old as you look at 6 A. M. (Graffiti: Gene Moro)
Why we'll never understand each other: What he heard: "Honey, why don't you
put your head in a vice and I'll turn it until your skull explodes." What
she said: "Honey, why don't we turn off the TV and just talk." (Wiley:
Non-Sequitur)
Why we'll never understand each other: What he heard: "I'm going to make you
wish you were dead for the rest of the week." What she said: "Tell me the
truth, Honey. Do I look fat in this?" (Wiley: Non-Sequitur)
Yes, my clothes are piled on the floor! Why use hangers when I can go
łwireless?˛ (9 T0 5: Harley Schwadron)
łIt hasnąt been easy, but Iąve been watching my soaps less and less each
day.˛ łOld habits die hard donąt they? Stop fretting, I promise that
nobodyąs going to break in and steal your supply of detergent.˛ łIt makes my
knees wobble to think about it.˛ (Through Thick and Thin: Ralph Smith)
łIąd like 500 business cards with that printed on them.˛ łAdam Newman
Enterprises Home Business Solutions that make a lot of sense for you and a
lot of cents for me. (Adam: Brian Basset)
Boy to dad: łIąm failing Health and First Aid and łBronchitis˛ isnąt łfear
of falling off a horse.˛ (Wally Śn Ethel: Joe Martin)
People who roll up their sleeves seldom lose their shirts. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
Why we'll never understand each other: What she heard: "Life as we know it
will cease to exist unless we can alter the space-time continuum." What he
said: "Honey, are you almost ready yet?" (Wiley: Non-Sequitur)
Compromise: Two people getting something neither wants, (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
Bitsyąs Canine Dictionary: Dog Paddle: A rolled-up newspaper (Marvin: Tom
Armstrong)
łWaiter, there is no soup on this menu˛ łI took the liberty of wiping it off
for you, sir˛ (Mike Donovan)