Oneliners
Renee
It's just a bad day ... not a bad life ... so SMILE!
Balance the Budget? - Buy everything wholesale!
I did not escape .... they gave me a day pass!
I smile cause you've all finally driven me insane!
You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
Worrying works! 90% of the things we worry about never happen.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
Pandemonium doesn't reign here ... It pours!
When swimming, always choose the kiddie section. It's warmer.
One pyschiatrist I know uses shock treatment. He gives you the bill in advance.
Journalism's aim is to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable.
Drink Canada Dry? Hmm ..... That's going to take awhile.
I was thinking of getting a REAL life, but changed my mind.
It looked like too much work!
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Either you control your attitude or you will be offered medication.
No matter how badly your heart is broken, therapy is still expensive.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Prejudiced people are all alike.
Polynesia ... memory loss in parrots.
People will believe most anything that is whispered to another
When all is said and done, it's pretty boring.
No man in the world has more courage than the
one who can stop after eating one peanut.
One of the great sins is that your life is ova, when it first begins
Of course, the abacus was primitive, but you could always count on it.
I've been having problems with my web site. Should I call a URLologist?
A waterbed store in Las Vegas, "Your Vinyl Resting Place".
A clothing shop called: Sons of Britches
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today
I react in self defense
Oh, the minutiae........
ADD: Absolution Dispensed by Doctors.
"In the Beginning, the Lord said "Let there be Light!"...to which
the Lady replied "Get up and turn it on yourself!"
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything
I like sadism, necrophilia and beastiality. Am I flogging a dead horse?
If you want to know what your weight should be, check your driver's license.
The olympics are over, the olympics are over.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones who do.
True friendship continues to grow, until you get your stuff back
in the mail with no note.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Wake up and smell the instant coffee
How can there be so many gays when they don't breed?
Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.
When Tweetys are outlawed, only outlaws will have Tweetys.
Ten days for a key chain. Five days for a BB gun. Go figure.
Isn't laziness nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired?
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
____________
Renee
Oh to be in Serbia! You just don't see passion like that in U.S. elections.
Are the Olympics really over, or did NBC just stop showing us the tapes?
Isn't New York Yankee redundant?
"Sam can't go fishing with us that day. His wife has an anniversary."
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
The Internet has had no impact on my life whatsoever.com.
The less I know, the better I'll do on the polygraph.
My insurance salesman doesn't bother me anymore since I took
out a $100,000 life insurance policy ... on him.
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
I fought the lawn and the lawn won
I'm just working here 'til a good fast-food job opens up.
We don't have to ditch bad friends because ...
their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
All Republicans are not racist, but all racists are Republicans.
A man who kisses his boat goodnight is only cheating if he has another boat.
Never take a casual stroll in the grassy areas around a PetSmart.
I told a friend that I'd lost weight.
She took a look at my behind and said, "There it is!"
Does anyone find it ironic that pro-lifers kill abortion clinic doctors and
nurses?
_______________
LostInWP
"Renee " <rjm...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20001016091316...@ng-co1.aol.com...
> Oneliners:
> ..........
> All Republicans are not racist, but all racists are Republicans.
I guess that Renee endorses Louis Farrakhan, Khalid Muhammad, Sam Husseini
and other similar Democrats.
Gnu Bee
"Gorelies" <gore...@toadhell.com> wrote in message
news:3hhhh8...@2newswhore.net...
> Hey Renee, how come Lieberman is so quiet on the events
> in Israel?
>
> Do you know any jokes about gunships shooting up towns?
Gnu Bee
"LostInWP" <c...@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:8sgbsj$dc0$1...@bob.news.rcn.net...
Leon
"Gorelies" <gore...@toadhell.com> wrote in message
news:3hhhh8...@2newswhore.net...
> Hey Renee, how come Lieberman is so quiet on the events
> in Israel?
>
> Do you know any jokes about gunships shooting up towns?
She may not but I do. It seems there was once a crooked, lying, thieving
Egyptian who found a niche as a "Palestinian". He attempted to oust the
inhabitants of a nation with claims to the land dating back over 5000 years.
His "Palestinian" cohorts overlooked the fact that they had refused a UN
offer of more than the land they sought, in 1948l. They wanted it all, and
undertook to get it back. In 1967, they unwisely joined in a war against the
lawful inhabitants and the country that ruled "Palestine" was defeated. Each
time the Palestinians started an uprising, they were able to get aid from
other countries that they diverted to their Swiss bank accounts.
So one day, this Egyptian, masquerading as a Palestinian, decided that,
since he had done so well in negotiations, he would speed things op with a
little violence. His "Palestinian police" captured two soldiers and allowed
their fellow-Palestinians to brutally butcher them. The friends and
relatives of these soldiers thought perhaps the police and the butchers had
underestimated them. And so they surgically "took out" the police station
and a radio station that had been broadcasting hatred.
And just to show that it was not a lucky strike, they took out a terrorist
headquarters adjacent to the million-dollar home of the Egyptian, thieving,
lying, stealing "Palestinian".
Now that I look this over, I see it's not a joke. Sorry! Maybe there are no
jokes on this subject.
Leon
alohacyberian
"crooked, lying and thieving" - you're being far too kind. If
vows to be only that in the future - he'll be accused of social
climbing. KM
--
(-:alohacyberian:-) At my website there are 3000 live cameras or
visit NASA, play games, read jokes, send greeting cards & connect
to CNN news, NBA, the White House, Academy Awards or learn all
about Hawaii, Israel and more: http://keith.martin.home.att.net/
Leon <words...@att.net> wrote in article
<_l8H5.497$9J.2...@bgtnsc06-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>...
alohacyberian
vows to be only that in the future - he'll be accused of social
climbing. KM
--
(-:alohacyberian:-) At my website there are 3000 live cameras or
visit NASA, play games, read jokes, send greeting cards & connect
to CNN news, NBA, the White House, Academy Awards or learn all
about Hawaii, Israel and more: http://keith.martin.home.att.net/
Leon <words...@att.net> wrote in article
<_l8H5.497$9J.2...@bgtnsc06-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>...
>
> "Gorelies" <gore...@toadhell.com> wrote in message
> news:3hhhh8...@2newswhore.net...
>
Jack Kessler
disguised paternalist racism. Such as the notion that it was Ariel Sharon's
fault that the Palestinians rioted. If the Grand Mufti had done something
and Sharon rioted, would anyone have blamed the Mufti for Sharon's actions?
The sure sign of racism is when they don't hold people accountable for their
actions. That means they consider them children or animals, no matter how
they deny or blame. That kind of paternalist racism is something like
universal on the left.
Jack Kessler
water's edge, as Gore and even Bush showed by both agreeing with the
administration on all foreign policy questions during the debate.
This was a pretty easy choice for Bush since he would have as much chance in
a foreign policy debate as a marshmallow has against a troop of girl scouts.
The reason Bush kept having that puzzled far-away look in his eyes during
the debate was that he was struggling to read Cheney's lips.
Gorelies <gore...@toadhell.com> wrote in message
news:3hhhh8...@2newswhore.net...
Renee
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: You find the present tense and the past
perfect.
The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines.
So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
Friend: One who knows all about you and still likes you.
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Any month whose name contains the letter a, e or u
is the proper time for chocolate.
My Mom can whip your Mom. Don't make me call her.
I told my wife that I needed more space, so she locked me outside.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I have a friend who is bald, but it doesn't bother him.
He told me that G-d doesn't put marble tops on cheap furniture.
I'll soon be trading in my summer exercise, the lawn mower,
for my winter exercise, the wood stove.
You shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could be Victoria's.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
_____________