House prices have fallen into negative numbers
mikhail...@mapreport.com
DANVILLE, KENTUCKY
House prices have fallen again all over the nation for the seventh
month in a row, with some prices dropping well below zero, and into
negative numbers.
This new phenomenon has taken the banks by storm as they have found
themselves owing thousands of home owners money.
John Livingson, a Kentucky sunflower-seed picker, bought his house for
a little over $300,000 just a few years back only to see it drop to an
astonishing negative value of -$112,000.
"This is the happiest day of my life!" John exclaims. "Finally the
tables have turned and it's the bank that owes me money. I told that
loan officer to go $*@# himself once and for all."
Like, John, many of these newly empowered home owners have been
unwilling to give banks fair interest rates. Some have even resorted
to threatening the banks with foreclosure ultimatums.
But not everyone is as excited as John. Barbara Hardone, a self-
employed methamphetamine dealer, has been left with nothing to spend
her money on.
"I get these checks from the bank and I don't know what to do with it!
My four children have been getting spoiled rotten, my husband quit his
job to become a full time gambler, and all my relatives are trying to
move in. How am I supposed to live this way?" Barbara asks anxiously.
After careful studying, a group of UCLA ecnomics proffesors claim that
this phenomenon is in fact impossible, and that these negative house
prices are a complete fabrication created by a bunch of ass-backwards
hillbily farmers with nothing better to do with their lives. Another
elusive side-theory revolves around San Francisco programmer culprits.
However, to this day, both claims have been refuted by various press
agencies around the nation, and since then the proffesors have been
fired and even beaten by angry mobs.
Of course, the question that still remains, is what happens when those
houses go back to positive numbers? Livingson told us that he has
caught loan officers and even brokers trying to break into his house
in attempts to remodel and renovate his home without his permission.
The local authorities have been notified, and are now more aware of
these desperate vigilantes. Livingson says he's taken matters into his
own hands also:
"I borrowed a bunch of pigs from my cousin Larry, and let them live in
my living room. When it comes to protecting my investments, I'm not
going to mess around." John even smeared the walls of his house with
fertilizer, just in case. "Ain't nobody buying this house ever again!"
(See details at http://www.mapreport.com/houses/home-price-negative.html#l)